/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.8783579]

Why is the interaction with the pizza man always so awkward?

[Anonymous No.8783585]

>Interaction

"Here's your large cheese & tomato, and your side of tendies"
"Thanks"

What's complicated?

[Anonymous No.8783589]

>>8783579
The awkwardness is all you, anon. It's all in your head.

[Anonymous No.8783590]

Look to yourself, anon.

[Anonymous No.8783597]

>>8783579
because he is physically at your home and the unspoken issue of the tip lingers in the air like a thick fog. Like no, he probably isn't crazy or a rapist, but there's that small chance you could be the one guy who tiips him slightly less than he thinks is fair and makes him snap, and that old buck knife he bought at the gas station comes out of the heating bag in a flash and then it's like there you are, right back in the jungle again. Figure you got what it takes to 1v1 him kid?

[Anonymous No.8783622]

>>8783579
He's been alone in his car with your food for probably ten minutes or more. What's not to feel awkward about?

[Anonymous No.8783644]

>>8783579
Getting rid of the body is always awkward.

[Anonymous No.8783651]

>>8783579
>I stared into the insulated box warmer, and the insulated box warmer stared back

[Anonymous No.8783655]

>Hey man you order the [order]?
>Yeah.
>Awesome, that'll be [price].
>Here you go.
>Thanks man, have a good one.
>You too.

[Anonymous No.8783698]

I don't know, are you always naked when you open the door OP?

[Anonymous No.8783703]

>>8783579
Because you are autistic and all of your interactions are awkward.

[Anonymous No.8783707]

>>8783655
It is usually not like that. It is usually like the OP pic where they are making faces at you. The whole thing is embarrassing if you think about it.

[Anonymous No.8783716]

>>8783579
because theyre losers and expect to be tipped for doing nothing.

honestly a 35 year old man working for 8 dollars an hour is pathetic. something went very, very wrong in their life. its shitty to have to make eye contact with someone like that. you want to scream "WHY NOT JUST GO BACK TO PRISON!!!!!" to them

[Anonymous No.8783720]

>>8783716
You are not mentally stable.

[Anonymous No.8783731]

>>8783720
Are you a pizza delivery guy? Or do you have some other reason to call me crazy?

[Anonymous No.8783732]

>>8783731
posting on /ck/ is a pretty good reason

[Anonymous No.8783734]

Because it's understood that all pizza delivery drivers are hired with the assumption that they will judge the fuck out of you and hate you if you tip anything less than $20 and they are asked to write shit about you on their daily reports to corporate HQ

How don't you know this fucker

[Anoɳymous No.8783736]

>>8783579
Because he barely speaks the national language. Tipping isn't commonplace for food delivery in my country, but the guy on the phone and the delivery person always speak with an accent thicker than any pizza crust I've ever seen. That's one of the reasons online orders are becoming more and more popular.

[Anonymous No.8783739]

>>8783731
>Or do you have some other reason to call me crazy?

I'm not the guy you're replying to, but I can think of two reasons:

1) wanting to scream at them
2) assuming that most pizza delivery people are in their 30s.

[Anonymous No.8783744]

>>8783731
no
see:
>>8783739

[Anonymous No.8783754]

>>8783579
It would be more awkward for him considering it's your home. Unless you're a giant sperg monster.

[Anonymous No.8783759]

>>8783651
Walmart depresses the shit out of me.

[Anonymous No.8783768]

>>8783579
This screencap from /fit/ might help you

[Anonymous No.8783771]

>>8783579
Because you know that he knows you're too much of a lazy degenerate to go pick up your own pizza.

Plus he knows that you know you want the interaction over as quickly as possible because you're embarrassed by the tiny tip you're gonna give him.

[Anonymous No.8783775]

>>8783579

Because this interaction is the final end result and realization that you were too lazy to make food, you were too lazy to even get dress up and go out for a nice meal, you were too stupid and fucking disgusting to even go out and pick up food that you had someone else make for you - and in the end you were so fucking pathetic you had to have some teenager or mental incompetent do something for you that you couldn't even manage yourself.

[Anonymous No.8783780]

>>8783768
go back to /fit/ with that autism. /ck/ doesnt have l-l-literal difficulties talking to people over the phone

[Anonymous No.8783784]

I wouldn't say it is awkward delivering pizza, but it does make me a bit anxious. I find that if I have a pizza on the way, I can't just sit down and enjoy doing anything like watching a movie or reading. My mind always wanders back to when the pizza guy is going to get here. I end up just pacing around the house looking out the window every 5 minutes. But I also have a dog that goes insane whenever the doorbell rings, so I usually just order takeout.

[Anonymous No.8783787]

I'm a pizza guy, i don't mind the autistic fuckers honestly, they just want the food and you out of the way ASAP, and as long as i get some dosh out of it IDGAF.
It's the tipsy soccer moms that get real chatty that annoy me.

[Anonymous No.8783795]

>>8783597
>tipping

lol no

[Anoɳymous No.8783811]

>>8783787
>It's the tipsy soccer moms that get real chatty that annoy me.
They all want the D

[Anonymous No.8783819]

>>8783787
I'm a pizza guys too, and pretty much this.
Except for me, it has always been the chatty old ladies that bother me. Especially when I have 3 other orders in my car. But I have never really judged or laughed about some dude who is a bit autistic, mainly because I have delivered to lots of people who should probably be classified as literally insane. If this shit job has given me anything, it's stories to tell.

[Anonymous No.8783822]

>>8783811
I don't want their disease infested poon. Although once, a particularly drunk soccer mom invited me in for drinks, we were slow and i was bored so i said yeah. It was extremely awkward, she made me a screwdriver and i chugged it real quick and got the fuck out of there, enjoyed the nice buzz the rest of my shift till I sparked it up after my shift.

[Anonymous No.8783825]

>>8783819
Don't just leave it like that
Tell us asshole

[Anonymous No.8783837]

>>8783579
Because you're awkward, bud

[Anonymous No.8783844]

>>8783819
>stories to tell
well then? get on with it!

[Anonymous No.8783860]

I almost never order delivery because why not just call in a take it order and go drive to pick it up.

The only thing slightly embarrassing is the fact that the delivery guy is usually twice my age and stuck in a shitty dead-end job. I always ask myself, where in life did he go wrong.

[Anonymous No.8783864]

I always feel a little screwed over. Like, I gotta go make myself presentable, make sure the dogs are put away so they don't bother the guy, and make sure the entry to the house looks clean - just so some 30 year old guy making minimum wage driving pizzas around and demanding $10 tips is given the most comfortable experience possible at my doorway, because that's what respectful people do.

I have to put best foot forward no matter how trashy the other person is because that's a part of polite society. You know, the best part of being home alone is being able to just fucking relax for a few hours with a hand down my pants and making racist remarks on /pol/. Having a stranger breaking up that party is offputing.

I usually just pick up the pizza. Saves $8 and I don't have to worry about some punk coming back to rob me later once they see in the doorway.

[Anonymous No.8783888]

>>8783825
>>8783844
This is more of a sad story.

>delivering pizza to shitty part of town
>pull up to house, has no grass in front, just dirt, weeds, and all kinds of trash bags with trash scattered all over yard
>get out of car and begin walking to door
>4 year old boy sitting in yard playing with trash like they are his toys
>he is absolutely filthy, looks like he hasn't showered in months, and has very sad, defeated look on his face
>smile at him and say, "are you ready for pizza, buddy?"
>he stares at me with empty expression
>get to door, hear moaning, and see woman riding some fat dude on couch right next to front window
>they don't see me, really awkward, but decide to knock on door
>woman jumps off of fat guy and runs into other room out of sight
>fat guy gets up, cracks open front door, and says "sorry we'll be out in a minute, and slams door in my face" we just completely naked, kek
>a few minutes later, woman comes out from around the back of the house in bathrobe
>turns out she is very young, maybe 18-21, perhaps a prostitue? because the dude she was fucking was like in his fifties
>she acts like nothing happened, and gives me money
>give her pizza and she goes back inside
>doesn't even invite kid in to eat
>walk back to car and drive away as kid continues to play with trash in front yard

that is a pretty mild story, but something about it really got to me, and still makes me angry inside when i think about it.

[Anonymous No.8783892]

>>8783888
*he was completely naked

[Anonymous No.8783901]

>>8783579
I deliver pizzas and I like it because I'm an awkward fuck and I'm only good talking with strangers for about 15 or so seconds before I panic.

We do it too

[Anonymous No.8783902]

>>8783888
Huh. never knew humanity could go so low.

[Anonymous No.8783904]

>>8783795
Also the only people who don't tip are niggers

[Anonymous No.8783910]

I wonder how much of this thread is ironic shitposting and how much is actual autism?

[Anonymous No.8783933]

>>8783888
should have alphad the fat fuck and nailed the hooker.

[Anonymous No.8783938]

>>8783904
t. 40 year old pizzaguy

i tip but i fucking loathe the ordeal. I fucking hate to say make 24 when its 21.90 And i give him 25. It challenges mmy autism hard

[Anonymous No.8783943]

>>8783888
I bet it was her kid. Got any more?

[Anonymous No.8783953]

>>8783938
Just tell him to keep the change. It's easier and you'll build up trust with him over time.

[Anonymous No.8783965]

>>8783953
im not rich..... I dont wanna pay a shitload of money for not that much. I dont see a point in tipping a shitload of money ,i just want to give this dude my money and be done without always thinking if its enough ,if he will jizz on my pizza next time or give him all my spare euros. I fucking hate tipping

[Anonymous No.8783992]

>>8783864
I order pizzas and go out the side door to meet the pizza guy in my driveway wearing dirty pajamas and having greasy hair from not showering in 2-3 days all while my dogs are barking their heads off at him from the window

You care way too much, the whole point of delivery is so you don't have to clean up and prepare to leave the house and go out in public, what do I care if either a teenager or a burnout in a dead end job thinks I look gross, if I'm ordering a delivery pizza he'd be right in assuming that I haven't left my house in days, so why the pretense

[Token Nigga on /pol/ No.8783995]

Meh, I'll save the $3.50 delivery fee and just drive to pick it up. There's a Fat Boys and a Pizza hut literally two blocks away from where I live.

[Anonymous No.8784001]

>>8783965
pay upfront on the web then, so when the delivery comes you can either be a total dick, take the food say thanks and slam the door, or you leave a glass full of single dollars near the door so you can always tip an exact and round amount you want.

[Anonymous No.8784009]

>>8783995
>pizza hut


overpriced shit

[Anonymous No.8784011]

>>8783965
Do you only have cash or something? Just pay with your card and you can put down the exact amount you want to tip, no need to fuss with change

[Anonymous No.8784018]

>>8784001
thats actually good advice>>8784011
here most delivery man dont have device for cards.

[Anonymous No.8784023]

Because you know they want a big tip but you don’t want to give them anything despite societal pressure to support an employee their boss can’t

[Anonymous No.8784024]

i always pay for my pizza upfront while ordering and i always have a dollar coin for the guy so when he comes, i take the pizza and say ''here's the tip'' and handle him the dollar and he always turns his back on me, bends over slightly, mimics spreading his ass cheeks and says ''if it's just the tip, it won't hurt''

i ordered more than 50 times and that shit happened EVERY FUCKING TIME

pizza is great though so i'm putting up with it

[Token Nigga on /pol/ No.8784025]

>>8784009

I dunno, compared to the local Black Jack and Dominos it seemed equally priced. I'm not all that picky when it comes to the 'za.

[Anonymous No.8784075]

>>8783992

You're completely right. I think I have some screws loose. Probably autism like everyone else.

[Anonymous No.8784092]

It's like you fuck them, and they think it's a relationship and not just a tip.

[Anonymous No.8784140]

The only genuinely awkward interaction I've had with a delivery person was Thai food

That motherfucker literally knocked once and WALKED INTO MY APARTMENT

My fault for not locking my door, but his fault for WALKING INTO MY FUCKING APARTMENT

I was happy to have my food, but he almost got rekt.

If any of you are delivery people, don't do that.

Seriously.

[Anonymous No.8784159]

The amount of autism in this thread is overwhelming.

[Anonymous No.8784168]

>>8784159

[Anonymous No.8784172]

>>8784009
Seriously, Pizza Hut / Dominos is highway robbery

$10 special

+ Delivery Fee

+Tax

+More Tax

+Tip

$10 special is now $22.50 for a medium mediocre pizza

Every fucking time

[Anonymous No.8784182]

>>8784172
im pretty fit so i often order 2 pizzas.....50 dollars for 1 meal is fucking crazy

[Anonymous No.8784185]

>>8784182
>im pretty fat
FTFY

[Anonymous No.8784193]

>>8784172
Dominos is the only place I order from that ISNT a complete ripoff.

2 for $12 special
$2.50 delivery
+Tax
+2L Soda
+Tip
$20 for two mediums pizzas, soda, delivered, after tip. Not unreasonable.

[Anonymous No.8784281]

>>8784159
seriously. OP started a shit thread to complain about one of the most trivial interactions when the answer to his "problem" is the mere fact he's autistic as fuck.

[Anonymous No.8784288]

>>8783597
I like your writing skills anon

[Anonymous No.8784304]

>>8784172
not to mention one pizza is 5000mg sodium. I have blood pressure issues and 2000mg sodium is enough to give me severe symptoms.

[Anonymous No.8784443]

>>8783888
>are you ready for pizza buddy?
made me laugh fucking hard imagining that

[Anonymous No.8784474]

>>8784288
>this is a 10/10 in bongistan

[Anonymous No.8784495]

>>8783579
I always order online and in the "delivery instructions" box I always write to send the most attractive female delivery person (or male, if there are no attractive females) and for them to shamelessly flirt with me in front of my wife so that she thinks I am still desirable.

[Anonymous No.8784534]

>>8784288
thx m8

[Anonymous No.8784555]

>>8783597

i appreciate you, friend

[Anonymous No.8784571]

>>8784495
Someone actually requested this when they ordered before. I sent one our bigger dudes to the house instead of a female worker.

He came back with a tip

[Anonymous No.8784579]

>>8783716

t. college student who has it all figured out

[Anonymous No.8784587]

>>8784018
Most delivery places have a website though, through which you pay with a card and input exactly how much you want to tip the driver. Then when he gets there you don't even have to hand him anything.

What are you telling me you actually call the place on the phone like a barbarian?

[Anonymous No.8784593]

>>8783707
yeah it's usually like that if you keep having a notion that it has to be awkward.

you ordered food. their job is to deliver the food. your job is to pay them if you didn't already pay online. they knock on the door. you answer. make with any small talk if they initiate it, they ask how you're doing tonight, say good, fine, alright. they hand you the receipt to sign or you hand them cash. you tip them or don't tip them. they hand you your pizza. you make sure the order is all there. they tell you to have a good night or whatever and you tell them the same. they begin to walk back to their vehicle. you shut the door.

have the money/tip ready when you open the door. don't create a scenario where you have to leave them standing at your open door for you to go get it. don't hand them exact change or a coins towards the tip until they get the pizza out of the insulated bag or they are going to fumble with it. have a counter or a table you can set the pizza on near the door when they hand it to you to avoid awkward multitasking scenarios when trying to pay them or sign the receipt.

if it's really an issue having pizza delivered to you, there's a thing called carryout. you cut out the social encounter with a delivery driver altogether and don't have to feel a shred of guilt about tipping.

[Anonymous No.8784651]

>be me
>be really high at half past midnight
>watching a documentary about Athens
>decides to order papa johns because munchies
>website order asks for name
>enter in Alexander the Great
>wait for pizza. Forget about it until doorbell buzzes
>wearing nothing but sports bra and sweat pants
>smells like pot
>"p-pizza f-for..."
>I remember
>"A-alex?"
>playitcool.jpg
>"yeah"
>"...the great?"
>"that's me"
>...
>...
>I tip 30%
>enjoy my pizza

[Anonymous No.8784656]

>>8784651
>btw i'm a gril xD

[Anonymous No.8784659]

>>8784587
>Americans are now so conditioned to tip that they can enter their credit card details and award a tip even before their food has been prepared, let alone ordered.

Amazing.

[Anonymous No.8784674]

>>8784659
One time pizza man came to my door and I handed him exact change and the little scrawny fuck had the balls to huff and says 'thats it?!', I said 'yep' and shut the door in his face.

>inb4 that didnt happen

It did. And im American.

[Anonymous No.8784677]

>>8784659
There's such a thing as writing the tip on the receipt, eurotard. So if you're really that autistic about it, you can pay online, and then inspect your shitty $5 pizza before deciding if you want to tip $1 or go all out and give him $2.

[Anonymous No.8784685]

>>8784677
>This pizza is shit.
>Best only give him an extra $1, not $2. That'll show him.

Amazing.

[Anonymous No.8784691]

>>8784685
the pizza was shit regardless

[Anonymous No.8784692]

>>8784685
Or..... $0?
>eurofag education
HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous No.8784694]

>>8784692
>>8784677
>then inspect your shitty $5 pizza before deciding if you want to tip $1 or go all out and give him $2

Amazing.

[Anonymous No.8784722]

>>8784443
Same, kinda made me want to be a pizza guy just to say that to kids.

[Anonymous No.8784780]

>>8784694
God damn it feels good to not be a retarded 3rd worlder that can't even use basic critical thinking skills.

[Anonymous No.8784785]

>>8783597

[Anonymous No.8784786]

>>8783888
Anon... Did you really not call the fucking cops or CPS or anything after seeing that? You're a real piece of fucking shit.

[Anonymous No.8784792]

These threads are entertaining but how often do you fat fucks get pizza delivered to worry about the delivery guy fucking you over for not tipping enough? I eat pizza maybe 5 times a year can't remember the last time I had one delivered.

[Anonymous No.8784803]

So what should i order from papa johns?

[Anonymous No.8784816]

>>8784803
Large sausage pizza, they'll take care of you

[Anonymous No.8784817]

>>8784656

No, he just has manboobs and had the courtesy to cover them up

[Anonymous No.8784818]

As someone who used to deliver pizzas, I'll tell you all this now. As long as your driver isn't someone who's only working only for tips, the driver literally does not care what you do. As long as you answer the door and pay for the food everything's good

[Anonymous No.8784823]

>>8784792
I order a pizza maybe once every couple months and I don't think I've ever seen the same delivery driver twice despite always ordering from the same place. So everyone ITT is either paranoid or orders several pizzas a month or something.

[Anonymous No.8784843]

>>8783597
>right back in the jungle again

[Anonymous No.8784847]

>>8783597
Fantastic

[Anonymous No.8784858]

>>8783579
>Why is the interaction with the pizza man always so awkward?

because he's seen you naked.

[Anonymous No.8784866]

>>8783597

>the unspoken issue of the tip lingers in the air like a thick fog
I don't tip delivery drivers and I feel no shame about it. There is an extra fee on top of the cost of the pizza to pay for their labor, and any expenditures. If the company paying them is undercharging me, or is not compensating them correctly, that is not my responsibility.

[Anonymous No.8785053]

>>8784866

i tip because i dont want people to fuck with my food

then again, i frequently cook shit myself and barely let people handle my food.

[Anonymous No.8785158]

>>8784818
Last 2 times I ordered dominos the fucking guy texted me asking if I wanted napkins or red pepper packets. Felt like he was taking it up a notch where if I didn't tip now he can text me and complain. Anyway I'm just gonna pick it up from now on, that shit is too weird

[Anonymous No.8785176]

>>8785158
hey its rick. its been 14 days since you ordered pizza. im still here. you cant just throw away a human life. ive got your pizza. it looks delish. but youll never know that, will you. not unless you pick up that phone.

[Anonymous No.8785185]

>>8785158
Damn thats some next level shit.

[Anonymous No.8785193]

>>8785176
;_;

[Anonymous No.8785219]

>>8785176
I'm getting a restraining order, and switching to Papa John's™, RICK. Don't ever call or text me or my wife's son AGAIN!

[Anonymous No.8785431]

>>8784443
Pizza guy here. I love saying shot like that to kids (in an uncreepy way). They go batshit crazy when they see me and start jumping around in pure elation.

[Anonymous No.8785459]

>>8784182
>I'm pretty fit

Why don't you run to the store and pick it up then?

[Anonymous No.8785478]

>>8784304
>5000mg of Sodium
5 grams= 1 tsp of salt
Why the hell are you eating shit like this then?

[Anonymous No.8785482]

>>8785478
I'm not just giving people heads up if you had hypertension like I do this stuff is straight toxic,

[Anonymous No.8785486]

>>8784786

you're the real piece of shit. there's nothing that can be done. welcome to humanity. that kid may never own an iphone, oh the horror.

[Anonymous No.8785500]

the first time i ordered pizza on my own it was some big fat guy with gauges in his ears and a nose ring and he looked like he was tough. i didn't know about tipping. i gave him 22 dollars or something for like a 21.15 order. i said hold on i have a dime i think so you can just give me quarters. and he got pissy and said he doesn't carry change. i didn't understand what his problem was.

[Anonymous No.8785502]

>>8785053
>i tip because i dont want people to fuck with my food

It's food service, no-one is supposed to fuck with food you have paid for, irregardless of a tip or whatever.

[Anonymous No.8785504]

>>8785500
"dont carry change" is an industry excuse those poor faggots use to get a tip. taxi drivers use it too. always have correct change if you are dealing with poor losers.

[Anonymous No.8785507]

>>8783579

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

[Anonymous No.8785509]

>>8785502

it would be nice if things be what they're supposed to be.

i'm 24 and supposed to be a full-functioning, independent adult, but here we both are on 4chan on a friday night

[Anonymous No.8785517]

>>8785486
I don't know how not owning an iphone correlates to being abused to the point of having to play with trash in the yard while his mom fucks strangers for money.

[Anonymous No.8785530]

>>8785517

playing with trash in the yard while your mom fucks strangers for money is not abuse.

"ohhhh poor baby doesn't have power ranger action figures". give me a fucking break.

next you're going to tell me he deserves to have a camaro for his sixteenth birthday too.

get the fuck over it. this is a completely normal fate for people. worry about your own problems.

[Anonymous No.8785541]

guys you must ask for the service you desire

[Anonymous No.8785545]

>>8785530
i'm sorry you had a shitty childhood, anon
but that shit isn't normal and shouldn't be

[Anonymous No.8785558]

>>8785530
here's the final (You) that you so desperately crave.

[Anonymous No.8785567]

>pizza guy knocks on door of apartment next to mine
>I hear it and mistakenly think someone is knocking on my door
>open the door, it's just him and me
>stare at him right in the eye for 10+ seconds silently before I realize what happened
>he looks concerned and says "Uhhh..what's up?"
>go back in and slam the door shut

[Anonymous No.8785568]

>>8785545

what people think 'should be normal' doesn't exactly fucking matter, does it? you want to be a good person, aww, how nice of you. truth is you run around trying to be a fucking hero you're going to make things worse than they are, because if you had any fucking clue why things are like this you'd realize there's no point trying to be a knight in shining armor for every filthy urchin and stupid strumpet who'll die at 50. that's just the way the world is.

and if you wanted to change that, change the way this world is, create a higher standard, you could not accomplish it with candy and kindness. the only way to achieve such a thing is through unimaginable amounts of violence and indiscriminate brutality at a societal level.

you have no idea how hopeless and practically self-contradicting your position of theoretical christian charity really is.

don't worry. you'll be fine. you're not going to go hungry or be cold. the fuck do you care what happens to them? just be honest about it. look into your body. there is no real concern there. you're fine.you have your own problems to think about.

[Anonymous No.8785569]

>>8785541
kek

[Anonymous No.8785574]

>>8783597
>>1v1

[Anonymous No.8785577]

>>8785568
i think you should get help

[Anonymous No.8785586]

>>8785577

for fucking what? my stomach is full, i'm pitter pattering through life roughly as i'm supposed to, my life is not in danger, i don't exist in stress or discomfort. i don't suffer.

so what do i need help with? do you have any idea's for a good business with low startup involved in supply chains? like getting sod or wood chips to contractors, or maybe lumber kitting for home construction. i could use some help in learning about how a small business like that would work, because of course, you can never have too much money. you know how to live forever? i could use some help in living forever.

[Anonymous No.8785604]

>>8783579
Usually it is because time is money to them, not to mention they directly see the tip amount

[Anonymous No.8785654]

>>8783579
You're a hungry shut in or drunk/high.

Pizzadude has likely seen a lot of wierd shit and might have his guard up, and you lack the ability for a basic human interaction that lasts 30 seconds.

Just like bears, they are more scared of you than you are of them. Try not to tip in spaghetti.

[Anonymous No.8785663]

>>8783579
because you're a retarded trump supporter lmao

[Anonymous No.8785671]

>>8783716
Might be a second job to cover unexpected expenses (job loss, medical, replacement car, divorce. Etc)

I'm glad your previous replies pointed out what a clueless shitdick you are when it comes to life's unexpected issues.

I would like to wish you well, and say that none of those things happen to you, but I wont. I actually wish them on you so you wont have a fake sense of superiority towards other people you have zero empathy for, nor care to.

Next time you order a pie, make it extra large and humble.

[Anonymous No.8785694]

>>8785671
>Next time you order a pie, make it extra large and humble.
*tips fedora*

[Anonymous No.8785705]

>>8784193
I'm pretty sure you are tipping very differently than the guy you replied, and that your pizza has pubes from the delivery guy

[Anonymous No.8785750]

>>8783579
You're forgetting to be in a speedo, oiled up to a shine with a thousand-yard-stare indicating what you're doing to what those moans belong to further inside no longer stimulates you.
Which is why you're ordering a pizza, thinking that when one of them inevitably exclaims "ew, you get pineapple on your pizza?" the rush of anger will make suddenly and furiously face fucking her more enjoyable, knowing it probably won't.
That's how you interact with a pizza man.

[Anonymous No.8785779]

>>8783888
I don't back down from saying my time as a pizza delivery man made me less of a libertarian and more of a soft-hand moralist. People need to feel arbitrary fear once in a while, this is why.

[Anonymous No.8786496]

>>8785502
>irregardless
This is not a word. Do not use it ever again.

[Anonymous No.8786518]

>>8783579
Ordering pizza is usually a bad decision.
Working pizza delivery is usually a bad decision.

This goes mutually unacknowledged.

[Anonymous No.8786843]

>>8785694
>memedropping

[Anonymous No.8786866]

>>8786843
green texting is a meme you retarded cocksucker

[Anonymous No.8786895]

>>8785577
I try my damned hardest to help out those folk who are clueless and poor but year after year they don't change they won't they are poor because they are stupid you can't go around handing out common sense

[Anonymous No.8786901]

my papa john's delivery guy always tries to make small talk. "how have you been? are you a student?" like what the fuck? i know you want a tip but you aren't getting one. it's so bad that i never order papa john's now.

[Anonymous No.8786914]

Because it's an desperate exchange where both of you really want what the other has but you have to suppress the desire to just grab it and go while you awkwardly make the exchange with an unwieldy box in the way.

[Anonymous No.8786934]

>>8786496
I'm going to keep using it irregardless of what you tell me to do.

[Anonymous No.8786946]

>>8786496
Actually it is. It was just misused in this instance.

[Anonymous No.8786963]

>>8786934
>regardless
Without regard
>disregard
Without regard
>disregardless
Without without regard? See how much of a fuck this is?
>irregard
Not a word to begin with
>irregardless
Your very first step to becoming an illiterate irretard

[Anonymous No.8786964]

>>8783904
Tipping culture is an American thing Anon, people in Yuropoor land are actually paid proper wages.

[Anonymous No.8786975]

>>8786963
>>disregard
>Without regard

No, that's a verb instructing someone to not regard something.

>>>irregard
Not a word to begin with
Agreed, but "regardless" is a word, and then the "ir-" prefix, meaning "not", can be added to it.

[Anonymous No.8786996]

>>8786975
But then you have two negatives on one word.

Irregardless would mean "not regardless" or "with regard" if it wasn't popular informal slang that everyone just accepts as a word.

It's just like "I could care less"

[Anonymous No.8786997]

>>8786975
http://grammarist.com/usage/irregardless/
Stop triggering me with your juvenile double negative

[Anonymous No.8787033]

>>8785750
>>8785654
>>8785567
>>8785541
>>8784651
>>8784140
>>8783888
Holy fuck my sides are in orbit
Never change /ck/

[Anonymous No.8787086]

>>8786996
>>8786997
No, you're wrong.

Regardless = irrespective
Irregardless = respective

[Anonymous No.8787102]

>>8785568
are you ready for pizza, buddy?

[Anonymous No.8787122]

>>8787086
Are you from Minnesota, by any chance?

[Anonymous No.8787229]

>special instructions
>someone who doesn't mind getting a $20 tip
THREE guys showed up- they tried to keep the order a secret from each other to keep the tip to themselves.

[Anonymous No.8787232]

>>8784651
I always do this shit. I made a trash name generator for situations like this. http://thrak.to/name-generator
I also always ask them to draw a wizard on the box

[Anonymous No.8787338]

>>878357
You are secretly in love with him.

[Anonymous No.8787350]

>>8787122
Don't loop him to us he's probably from iowa

[Anonymous No.8787356]

>>8787232
Dude how often do they actually draw one

[Anonymous No.8787360]

>>8787122
No, I'm from London. Why do you ask?

[Anonymous No.8787500]

>>8787356
About 3/4 times. I tip like a monster when they do. Even when they don't they usually preemptively apologize for it because they're busy af

[Anonymous No.8787510]

>>8783784
This. I have to time it right to shut my dogs in the bedroom just before they realize something is up. And then wait to open the door before the bell rings triggering all the doggos. It's stressful, yo

[Anonymous No.8787531]

I order pizza every week, so I see the same people a lot if I don't mix up where I order from. Last time I ordered pizza hut I looked out the window to see if he got there yet since the site 10 seconds ago said "ok it's out for delivery" and I noticed the guy just standing there not even knocking, so he must've been waiting for who knows how long. Pizza Hut needs to fix it's new delivery tracker. He seemed pretty irritated. Maybe I should've let him know it was the site's fault. He was tapping his foot cartoonishly.

[Anonymous No.8787545]

>>8787531
why didn't he knock on the door?

[Anonymous No.8787550]

>>8783597
feels good to be in a country where tipping the pizza guy is absurd. it'd be like tipping the clerk

[Anonymous No.8787563]

>>8787550
my grocery store has a tip jar for clerks. it's what motivated me to finally get a credit card so I don't have to deal with the pressure
>shrug, no change sorry :^)
>thanks for the 5% kickback btw

[Anonymous No.8787597]

One time I joked with a delivery guy that I was sad that I couldn't go to a strip club because I paid in ones for a ten dollar meal. He laughed and asked if I wanted him to make it rain, pretending to do that with his hands. We both laughed, and he left. It was funny and not awkward. Just two dudes having a joke.

Quit being autistic. If they don't respond to you or anything, they're probably the one with the issues. Treating every one else like money robots because they're too big of pussies to face social rejection or get shat on by asshole strangers. You will likely never see the person again unless you order from there a lot, so what's the big idea?

[Anonymous No.8787643]

>>8787597
sound like a couple of poofs to me

[Anonymous No.8787649]

>>8783910
Most of these posts are from pathetic neets with maybe a bit of autism, but really just an anxiety disorder they refuse to get help for or take steps to get over.

>and normies that whine about being nervous sometimes

[Anonymous No.8787687]

>>8786866
>green texting
You have to go back

[Anonymous No.8787697]

>>8783579
>Here's your pizza
>Thanks mate, have a good one

It's never been particularly awkward for me.

[Anonymous No.8787719]

>>8787545
I assume him just standing out there tapping his foot meant he did knock. Is there a policy where drivers are only allowed to knock once (and lightly)?

[Anonymous No.8787740]

>>8783784
I use my dogs to let me know when they're here while I'm in another room

[Anonymous No.8787763]

>>8787687
u 1st

[Anonymous No.8787824]

>>8785568
Ya dude. Right on.

[Anonymous No.8787859]

>>8787350
The fuck you mean by this, buddy?

[Anonymous No.8787894]

>>8787643
'o are you callin' a poof?

[Anonymous No.8788032]

>>8787500
pics?

[Anonymous No.8788039]

Do you tip when you've paid online?

[Anonymous No.8788130]

because you both know that pizza is mouth masturbation and he is delivering it to you. so he know what you are about to do.

[Anonymous No.8788138]

>>8788039
Only if it lets me input my own amount so I spend $XX.01 and get 99 cents back from my bank.

[Anonymous No.8788705]

>>8787500
You're my hero. Where do you typically order from? Also please post pics.

[Anonymous No.8788738]

>>8783597
My sides

[Anonymous No.8788754]

>>8783780
>missing the rat in the oven
Nice

[Anonymous No.8788761]

>>8783597
>unsheathes katana

Meet your final tip, foe

[Anonymous No.8788767]

>>8788761
IT'S TAPE

[Anonymous No.8788807]

>>8788754
Ayyyyy lmao

[Anonymous No.8788827]

>>8787597
You are on the autistic spectrum

[Anonymous No.8789149]

>>8783597

[Anonymous No.8789175]

I order carryout mostly just to avoid the awkward interaction.

Rate my order? Just placed it, about to go pick it up

[Anonymous No.8789183]

>>8783579
I don't understand how you people hand over $20+ on pizza without feeling robbed, maybe that's why you feel awkward. And I have a job, doesn't matter...it's still a rip-off, i'd rather buy a bottle of booze or some good beer.

[Anonymous No.8789188]

>>8789175
Very wise of you to order your pizzas Well Done. They'd be undercooked otherwise. I've found out that Papa John's crust Well Done is inedible. So tough that it makes your teeth crooked. I hate that chain in general. I only order from them when they offer crazy half off deals.

[Anonymous No.8789214]

>>8785568
Are you ready for pizza, buddy?

[Anonymous No.8789219]

Imagine how depressed that kid is going to be in a few years when he remembers the pizza guy saying "ARE YA READY FOR PIZZA, BUD?"

[Anonymous No.8789226]

>>8789175
>>8789188
You have the pallet of a toddler.

[Anonymous No.8789294]

>>8789226
>>8789175
How so? It's pizza, anon. Get over yourself for christ sake

[Anonymous No.8789302]

>>8786964
>yuropoor
>paid proper wages
A few slices of moldy bread and a pint of ale?

[Anonymous No.8789309]

>>8783819
I loved delivering to people on the spectrum desu. They were quiet, got the transaction over with quickly, and I appreciated that. Generally pleasant dudes.
The confident folks were much worse. There was an old, overweight lady that lived in a piss-soaked trailer and answered the door in a comforter. I didn't enjoy that.
Drunk moms (and middle school/high school girls) were the most chatty. Confidence boost, but I moved past it quickly.

[Anonymous No.8789315]

>>8783579
Idk, man. Imagine being in your late-30's and all you have to show for it is being some pizza boy. Shit is depressing.

[Anonymous No.8789350]

>>8789226
>>8789175
>Sauce (Extra)

when I was a little kid I would scrape all the sauce off my pizza, I hated too much tomato sauce on a pizza.

[Anonymous No.8789408]

>>8789350
Extra sauce is codeword for "have all the staff spank off onto my pizza"

[Anonymous No.8789445]

>>8789408
Even the women?

[Anonymous No.8789453]

>>8783579
Because you know deep down in your heart that you want to blow each other.

[Anonymous No.8789459]

>>8789445
What a stupid question.

[Anonymous No.8789482]

>>8783579
I prefer the Chinese delivery man.

Gary stood in front of the mirror and examined his body. Where had the years gone? He felt his large beer gut that he got during college. He then felt his bare head -- he lost his hair when he started his nursing job. He pinched his man tits that he got from all the nights as a couch potato. Life had really passed him by. Today, it was his fiftieth birthday, and everything would change for him if only everything goes according to plan.

Gary looked at the clock. He had to hurry. He dressed and walked over to his kitchen counter. Fumbling through the drawer, Gary pulled out a long syringe that he stole from his hospital's lab. There were two viles with a green liquid inside. His hands trembled as he carefully filled one syringe. Just then the doorbell rang. Gary, startled by the sound, nearly dropped everything. He regained his composure, gathered the materials, and walked over to answer the door.

"Chine' take out fo' Miste' Jownson," Gary heard through the door.

Gary nervously pulled the door open and saw a petite Asian boy with his order of General Tso's chicken in his hand. Gary, noticed that this wasn't the ususal delivery guy. The usual delivery guy was in his thirties, and this boy was eighteen or twenty. "Oh, hi. Where is David tonight?", Gary commented looking the new delivery boy up and down.

"Oh, he sick today. I David's younger brother, Joey. I cover for him tonight." replied the delivery boy.

Gary carefully looked Joey in the eye, "I see . . . yes . . . Well, it's a pleasant surprise . . . Won't you step in for a moment . . . How much for the order?"

"Fifteen dollar twenty five cents," Joey said looking at the receipt.

Gary reached into his pocket. Then with one swift movement stabbed Joey's right arm with the syringe and shut the door.

[Anonymous No.8789487]

>>8789482
Gary lunged towards Joey right as the boy began to shout words in Chinese. The young boy dropped the bag of food onto the ground and tried to fight off the big man. Much bulkier and taller, Gary's strength overpowered the light, scrawny Asian boy. He covered Joey's mouth and pulled the boy towards his living room. By the time they got there, the young boy passed out. Gary layed Joey on his sofa, gagged and tied the boy securely with a hankerchief and rope, and smiled with satisfaction. Gary then filled his syringe with the second vile of green liquid. As he plunged himself with the syringe, he took one glance the young sleeping boy kissed him on the lips to absorb the young lad's saliva, and thought to himself about how Joey was a fine specimen indeed.

____

[Anonymous No.8789490]

>>8789482
>>8789487
WTF

[Anonymous No.8789495]

>>8789487

A couple hours later Gary regained consciousness. He had apparently fallen asleep on the floor. He noticed that his clothes were really baggy on him -- they were sliding off. He stripped the baggy clothes off down to his underwear. The process must have worked! He was very pleased with his new form. He had a very thin yet muscular build. His felt his toned chest and his thin arms. He felt his soft bushy, spikey hair. He then turned around to look in a mirror. He was shocked to see a hot Asian boy looking back. He leaned over to see his young, wrinkle-free face, his thin eyes, and thin lips. Standing in front of the mirror, he ran his hands over his eighteen or twenty year-old body. His skin was now tan, smooth, and sensitive. He was now Joey.

He then turned to see an old flabby, white, fifty year old man tossing and cursing on the couch tied in rope. It was his former body with torn shreds of clothes surrounding him. Gary smiled to himself, and walked over to the bedroom closet to find something that might fit his small frame. He found some sweats, a wife beater, and some flip-flops. This will have to do until he went shopping for some new clothes. Gary took a bag that contained cash and other ID information that he prepared for the new life that he would start for himself.

And as for Joey, well, he can figure things out for himself. Gary leaned over to his former body and struggled to form English words -- apparently he was adopted Joey's language -- "You have good life." Gary had left his victim a reasonable amount of cash and a meal of General Tso's chicken.

[Anonymous No.8789500]

>>8789214
>>8787102

i was BORN ready for pizza.

[Anonymous No.8789522]

>>8789482
>>8789487
>>8789495
James?

[Anonymous No.8789615]

>>8789309

Honestly a great price on the homo-fries

[Anonymous No.8789628]

Holy shit this is the same stock images guy as the one on my Japanese flash cards

He's usually doing math shit in that though, like 正確

[Anonymous No.8789662]

>>8787033
>Scrolling down a promising looking thread
>checking the responses to funny comments hoping for more chuckles
>nothing but this shit time and time again
I don't care about your sides.

[Anonymous No.8789722]

>>8789294
Looks pretty darn good to be honest

[Anonymous No.8789726]

>>8783655
>be pizza guy
>end the conversation with "Enjoy!"
>100% of the time people answer back "You too!"
>the give an awkward look while they close the door
This is why I have to end every conversation with "Have a great day." People want to say "you too"

[Anonymous No.8789741]

>>8789726
The 'you too' is referring to just the tip.

[Anonymous No.8789748]

>>8789741
One time a guy caught it and recovered.
>You too... enjoy.. your? day...?

[Anonymous No.8789816]

>>8783579
>Order pizza
>Upstairs, but listening out for the door
>Hear a knocking sound
>Walk downstairs and open door
>It wasn't the front door, it was the pizzaman's car door
>It'd be too weird to close the door just to open it again
>Stand in my doorway staring at the pizzaman for the two minutes it takes him to find my pizza
>He approaches with a look like he is about to be murdered
>Refuses to make eye contact with me as I pay, takes off almost at a sprint when transaction is finished

It was good pizza though

[Anonymous No.8789840]

>>8783579
It's demeaning to be seen working in a job like that.
It's demeaning to be seen ordering pizza like some uncultured slob.

[Anonymous No.8789851]

>>8783579

i live on a ranch house immediately surrounded on all sides by corn fields.

i ordered a pizza one day and went to sit out and smoke while i waited, and my dogs started barking from the corn field which was about 10 feet north of the gate and road to the house. i run out there, and discover it's just some fucking skunk or something and i yell the dogs back home. i come back, and the pizza guy is getting out of his car as i'm walking out of the corn.

he see's me and says o-oh hi

i just play it cool

[Anonymous No.8789968]

>>8789495
more?

[Anonymous No.8789973]

>>8789851
Can I move in with you? I'll sleep at the foot of or under your bed and suck your toes and dick before you sleep each night. I'll even call you master.

[Anonymous No.8789976]

>>8789851
Like this?

[Anonymous No.8790113]

>>8783995
Try walking the two blocks next time. Maybe with a chipper song on your lips. You could make a stranger's day and a new friend and have someone to share the pizza with.

[Anonymous No.8790119]

>>8789976
god damn it's been like 15 fucking years and i immediately recognize that house
fuck that movie
FUCK THAT MOVIE

[Anonymous No.8790126]

>>8790119
I just watched it 2 days ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8czt8R7Z4I

ITS HAPPENING

[Anonymous No.8790132]

>>8789816
Did you lean provocatively against the doorframe like I am imagining you were

[Anonymous No.8790165]

>>8790119
What's wrong with that movie?

[Anonymous No.8790170]

>>8790119
>>8790126
This was my favorite scene from Signs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0tfeJuG7Y0

[Anonymous No.8790511]

>>8789219
imaging the solemn dirty face of a neglected 8 year old as some goofy looking channer strolls up to him and says that while he can hear the screams of his mother banging a fat dude for drugs in the background is the funniest thing I've thought of in weeks

[Anonymous No.8790523]

>>8783579
because he always says that will be X amount of money...plus tip

[Anonymous No.8790543]

I'm always drunk when I get pizza delivery so it's not awkward at all.

[Anonymous No.8790553]

>>8789973

[Anonymous No.8790562]

>>8785530

You're a bit fucked in the head

[Anonymous No.8790563]

>>8790553
I wish that dog would succ my dicc

[Anonymous No.8790572]

>>8790563
Peanut butter my dude

[Anonymous No.8790578]

>>8783904
Tipping is, as far as I understand, illegal where I live, since it's considered to be bribery.

[Anonymous No.8790586]

>>8790578
How is Belarus these days?

[Anonymous No.8790591]

>>8785530
>mom has to whore herself out
>kid hasn't been able to bathe
>mom won't even let kid have any of the pizza
Yeah, sounds completely normal to me.

[Anonymous No.8790601]

>>8784474
honestly i'm american and i'd still fuck the shit out of maisie williams, she really gives off a vibe like she never grew out of her awkward teen phase

and yes, those two sentences are correlated

[Anonymous No.8790636]

>>8790586
Wouldn't know, never been there.
Also, I looked it up. Turns out I was mistaken. Tipping is not actually illegal here.

[Anonymous No.8790645]

For me its because the only time I order pizza is when drunk and high and usually binge watching an anime or hentai at loud volumes with a raging boner.

[Anonymous No.8790647]

>>8790601
She's nothing special but I'm a kissless virgin so I'd throw her a bone. She's attractive in a plain and boring kind of way.

[Anonymous No.8790698]

>>8790645
>plus tip
OwO

[Anonymous No.8790703]

>>8789445
When has spanking the monkey ever referred to women

[Anonymous No.8790713]

>>8790647
>>8790601
Same, I think the reason for her appeal is due to her slightly weird appearance you can imagine she'd condescend to give you the time of day, which is a bit harder to imagine with, say, that chick from harry potter, or olive munn, or other famously attractive females

[Anonymous No.8790716]

>>8789495
>and thin lips
That is meant to be hot in any context?

[Anonymous No.8790752]

>>8790698
I just tip in pot.

[Anonymous No.8791591]

>>8789726
>be me
>working retail
>helping people find clothes/shit for travels they're going on chat them up about trip while I'm helping them
>check out
>"thank you."
>"thanks for stopping in, have a great trip!"
>"you too!" as they walk away
>turn to coworker and smile wryly

every time...

[Anonymous No.8791617]

>>8791591
>not having great trips every day

[Anonymous No.8791702]

>>8791617
why do you think he's smiling wryly? dudes taking several trips every day

[Anonymous No.8792251]

>>8785431
You may have a hard life being a pizza guy, but you get no respect from me for being a dirty phoneposting faggot.

[Anonymous No.8792410]

>>8783597
>>8785053

>automatic tipping

[Anonymous No.8792635]

>>8783597
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvwQmxLaknc

[Anonymous No.8792784]

>>8785654
>Try not to tip in spaghetti.
Instead tip with a rip?

[Anonymous No.8792797]

>>8790703
>When has spanking the monkey ever referred to women
When it's a feminine penis.

[Anonymous No.8792917]

>>8785517
Yeah that's not abuse man, that's just life for some people. No need to involve the government over it. You probably had a stable life, didn't you pussy.

[Anonymous No.8793569]

>>8785568
I feel bad for you son.
>>8785586
>MY LIFE IS GREAT!

But it's not great, is it?

[Anonymous No.8793861]

>>8786975
disregard is a noun as well

[Anonymous No.8793980]

>>8785500
Paying him $22.10 wouldn't get you change in quarters...

[Anonymous No.8794044]

>>8783579
because you don't tip

[Anonymous No.8794071]

>>8783579
>order a large pizza because price
>pizza guy clearly sees I am the only one there
...

[Anonymous No.8794207]

>>8783716
haha this.

the guy is usually a loser who fucked with your food anyway and wants more money for his shitty job/life/family/kids

i came here to post this

[Anonymous No.8794236]

>pizza chains

[Anonymous No.8794250]

>I don't tip the delivery man, that's the companies job

[Anonymous No.8794257]

>>8783579
In my case it's usually because he can't speak English.

[Anonymous No.8796029]

I paid the delivery guy for a $30 order in all change once.
I didn't tip.
He's probably gonna spit in my pizza next time.

[Anonymous No.8796303]

>>8786946
no it isn't. die in a fire.

[Anonymous No.8796588]

>>8789482

[Anonymous No.8796651]

>>8783579
Because you're ordering pizza and you shouldn't be thinking about blowing the pizza guy...

[Anonymous No.8797242]

>>8783597
marvelous

[Anonymous No.8797259]

>>8786975
you're retarded honestly

[Anonymous No.8797267]

>>8790591

whores exist and always will. whores are normal.

bathing is a social norm, there's no real necessity of it.

pizza is not a right.

get over it. this is average shit.

>>8793569

better than that kids, haha

[Anonymous No.8798083]

>>8785663
8 Y E A R S
Y
E
A
R
S

[Anonymous No.8798486]

>>8790578
It's illegal to tip government officials in the US too. Why the hell would it be illegal to "bribe" private citizens?

[Anonymous No.8798502]

>>8784140
Did he catch you beating it to trap porn?

[Anonymous No.8798556]

I'm a delivery driver and have to fight myself not to put a bullet in my brain every night so I tip any service worker well because their life probably sucks as much as mine does

[Anonymous No.8798628]

I have this thing about strangers coming to my house so I always go to pick it up. I have only had delivery to my house once and it freaked me out.


For such a dumb thing it has caused so much fucking bullshit in my life.

[Anonymous No.8800045]

>>8789214
>>8787102
I hope this meme takes off, despite the fact that this is a cooking board the memes here are incredibly bland and spiceless.

[Anonymous No.8800070]

>>8783597
>He lives in a tipping culture.
Sucks to be you. My mom lives near a really good asian resturant and whenever i've ordered from there its been like this.
>Herro i've got your food let me in
>Hey there thanks for food
>Thanks for buying food bye
>Bye
It's the most convenient thing.

[Anonymous No.8800103]

>>8783597
I'm never ordering delivery pizza again

[Anonymous No.8800126]

>>8800070
Also looking at this thread I suppose I should clarify.
I pay when placing the order so when it's delivered it's literally just the asian guy giving me food.

[Anonymous No.8800142]

>>8789188
the ovens are calibrated specifically for cooking everything that goes through them to completion. nothing EVER comes out undercooked you fuck. if that shit did happen, that product would be thrown out and that portion of the oven turned off for repairs. contrary to what people seem to think, we're not going to give you potentially dangerous food.

[Anonymous No.8800185]

>>8794207
food doesn't get fucked with unless you're going to some chain burger drive thru.