ITT: we discuss culinary horrors that our parents and other family members exposed us to

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Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:06:26 2017 No.9521825 [Reply] [Original]

ITT: we discuss culinary horrors that our parents and other family members exposed us to

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:07:31 2017 No.9521829 >>9521825 What is that, and what is it doing to that pizza?

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:11:26 2017 No.9521845 >>9521829 kraft singles on pizza

Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:17:01 2017 No.9521867
File: 482 KB, 672x537, 1498534342599.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9521825
>Spaghetti night
>Pasta is left in the pot of water and pulled out with tongs as needed.

>Ensures any marinara sauce that touches it will immediately break down to leave you with pink, water covered pasta.

Remember Sbarro at the malls? They would do this shit too.

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:18:10 2017 No.9521869 >>9521829 American '''''''''''''''''''cheese'''''''''''''''''''

Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:24:48 2017 No.9521889

>>9521825
One time my sister and I swore all the boxed macaroni and cheese tasted like gasoline, my dad said no it doesn't eat it anyway. We tried but got too sick and refused and he got really mad. Months later he admitted gas spilled on them in the truck and threw the rest out

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 21:59:26 2017 No.9521996 >>9521825 Why are American pizzas floppy?

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 22:01:29 2017 No.9522003 >>9521825 >My mom used to make something called "Tom's Honest Sandwich" >Tuna, ham, mayo, pickles, usually stale bread, whole peanuts, raisins and lettuce >Kids used to make fun of me >I'm anorexic today

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 22:03:19 2017 No.9522010 >>9521889 kill him

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 22:49:34 2017 No.9522153 >>9521996 because nothing in america is of good quality.

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:11:14 2017 No.9522212 >>9521867 >>9521889 why tho? >>9522003 That kind of sounds like it could be modified into a good sandwich with some ingredients added/removed. But how did she even come up with that shit?

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:45:51 2017 No.9522299 >>9522212 I don't know man. She put tons of mayo on it too

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:47:41 2017 No.9522300 >>9521867 >left in the pot of water Jesus Christ, how lazy do you have to be to not pour out a pot of water?

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:51:51 2017 No.9522319 >>9521829 Someone left the plastic on a frozen za

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:56:13 2017 No.9522325 >>9522153 t. kim jong

>>	Anonymous Sat Oct 7 23:59:09 2017 No.9522333 >>9522212 Saved every penny he could to spend on flea market crap and thrift stores and garage sales .it's a very strange but real compulsion of his. He has acres of outbuildings full of useless secondhand duplicate junk

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:07:00 2017 No.9522355

>grew up a picky eater
>including disliking things like overly-crisp toast
>one day my mom makes French toast
>pour on syrup
>comment there's a lot of black bits in it
>mom assumes I was just being picky and tells me to eat it
>take a couple bites
>realize it's ants
>there was apparently a hole in the bottom of the syrup and a bunch of ants crawled in to their deaths

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:22:18 2017 No.9522382 >>9521867 >Sbarro JAG?

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:23:20 2017 No.9522384 >>9522355 You ever hear the story of the boy who cried wolf?

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:26:08 2017 No.9522390 >>9522384 Did he end up accidentally eating wolf?

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:28:11 2017 No.9522395 >>9521825 I saw my sister once put pasta in cold water and proceed to cook it. Does that count?

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:28:15 2017 No.9522396 >>9522390 No, but he kept complaining and complaining about wolves that when there were finally wolves in his syrup, his mom didn't care about his complaints because what else is new

>>	lalalagirl Sun Oct 8 00:36:16 2017 No.9522413 >>9521825 >implying you didn't make that yourself just to post here and blame it on your family

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 00:39:21 2017 No.9522418 I can never eat welsh rarebit again after my mother prepared it so awfully so many times.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 02:05:11 2017 No.9522613 File: 11 KB, 211x246, whatthefug.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9522355

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 11:07:00 2017 No.9523906 >>9522355 nice dubs tho

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 11:20:32 2017 No.9523955 One time my mom made tiramisu >with gorgonzola instead of mascarpone At the time, she was trying to get back at cooking after the stroke that left her aphasic and half paralized.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 12:05:20 2017 No.9524073

>>9521825
My brothers ex-wife. Won't go into the nitty-gritty of how terrible a person she was, but have an example of her 'cooking' when she was staying at my place for a week.
>Wants to make pot roast, asks me to buy the fixings for it
>I think sure, whatever, can't fuck up a pot roast
>Mind you she talks a big game about how great a cook and homemaker she is (spoiler: bullshit)
>Get the basics the night before
>Leave for work the next, come back in the late afternoon
>She says dinner is ready
>'pot roast' is just all the ingredients roughly chopped up, thrown into a slow cooker, with water and CORN STARCH added in and set to warm
>Whole pot of undercooked meat and potatoes is congealed into one terrible mass of fail
She then proceeded to half a bottle of rum over the course of 30 seconds and tried to come on to me, then punched a wall when I refused her and tried to tell the police I hit her. Still wish I had to this day.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 12:48:14 2017 No.9524228

>>9521825
My parents have a "chili story".

Dad had REALLY bad dandruff when he still had hair. Mom was making chili. Dad goes to taste the chili and dandruff snows into the chili, apparently enough that it coated the entire pot.

Parents serve the chili to us and grandparents who were visiting because they didn't want to make more food. Fuckers.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 13:10:31 2017 No.9524331

>>9524073
>She then proceeded to half a bottle of rum over the course of 30 seconds and tried to come on to me, then punched a wall when I refused her and tried to tell the police I hit her. Still wish I had to this day.

how the fuck does this kind of shit happen anyway?
>asking for a friend

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 15:08:35 2017 No.9524768 >>9524073 >Won't go into the nitty-gritty of how terrible a person she was Please do

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 15:11:04 2017 No.9524775 >>9524228 What the fuck is wrong with your dad? And why would your parents serve that?

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 15:19:22 2017 No.9524801

>>9521825
I used to dread pork chop night when I lived with my dad because he'd cook them until they were grey and tough. The only seasoning on it was black pepper.
Imagine chewing on a rubber eraser, that's how the pork chops felt. They would actually make my jaw hurt by the time I finished.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 15:53:30 2017 No.9524958 >>9524801 this, so fucking relatable. we didn't even get the pepper.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 15:54:13 2017 No.9524963 >>9521829 it's vegan """"""cheese""""""

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:01:04 2017 No.9525430 >>9521825 Because of my grandmothers pies I have a seething hatred for all cooked fruit. I haven't eaten anything she's made at all for over 25 years and I vomit blood shortly after eating anything pumpkin/pumpkin spice flavored.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:03:16 2017 No.9525440

>>9521867
In all the years of shitty cooking I've done (I lift shit and eat the most basic things you can imagine, broccoli, meats...), I've never fucked up a pasta like that. Who the fuck would even come up with the idea of leaving pasta in water? What about al dente, draining and adding back water with starches if needed for thickening? Jesus.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:06:57 2017 No.9525459 >>9524963 it's more likely kraft singles.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:07:16 2017 No.9525461 File: 9 KB, 250x250, 1481500010345.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521829 >Now melts!

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:09:10 2017 No.9525469 >>9521825 My brother once cooked one pot pasta and it was so gross I threw up and then my parents took me to the doctors thinking I had bulimia (i was anorexic at the time but I never made myself throw up)

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:20:47 2017 No.9525501 >>9525459 did they forget to take the plastic wrap off? it looks so plasticy and wrong.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:22:19 2017 No.9525504 File: 264 KB, 1440x2089, IMG_0034.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521825

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:26:39 2017 No.9525513 >>9521889 Are you sure your dad just wasn't trying to kill you and your sister? Cause that's what it sounds like.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:36:23 2017 No.9525551

>>9524228
Jesus christ. In all my years of dad cooking up shit like a diwmit (the man's got great hands for everything else), he'd never stoop so low.

Still can remember his cabbage stew, though. A fistful of salt is far too much. And the random soups tossed together from anything found in the fridge.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 18:53:11 2017 No.9525630 >>9525459 No, it's not. I've put singles on pizza before (shitty totinos pizza and drunk). This is definitely vegan cheese.

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 23:29:47 2017 No.9526851 >>9525551 >the random soups Are you the guy whose dad would throw a bunch of shit together and make moaning noises or something as he ate it, then sit in the bathroom for hours?

>>	Anonymous Sun Oct 8 23:33:31 2017 No.9526868 >>9521825 Didn't have problems with my parents' cooking, but one time at a friend's house, his mom made steak and it was barely edible due to overcooking. It was almost burnt, and served with ketchup on top on a dollar store plastic plate.

Anonymous Sun Oct 8 23:48:12 2017 No.9526936

When I was 14, I was at a friends house and his dad made beef stew, which consisted of quartered russet potatoes, giant beef chunks, and water. I don't think he put much else in it, so it was just a bowl of starchy water with massive potato and meat chunks.

Anonymous Mon Oct 9 00:38:11 2017 No.9527127
File: 177 KB, 400x440, 1331460612703.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

My dad is cook
>mfw two things that he made stuck with me and I remembered the horror even years later

>Tried making homemade mayo because we ran out
>tried making syrup for pancakes from sugar

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 00:49:57 2017 No.9527178 >>9527127 So what happened?

Anonymous Mon Oct 9 01:00:13 2017 No.9527214

>>9527178
The was like watery eggs with vinegar.

The syrup was watery hot sugar, it had the syrup consistency, but tasted like shit. He tried convincing my siblings and that it was just the same on pancakes.

Sometimes his cooking is fine, but homemade condiments are terrible.

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 07:20:15 2017 No.9528089 I was forced to eat migliacci when i was about 7. They are basically pig blood crêpe. They taste just as one could imagine but with sugar sprinkled on top Italian cooking is disgusting sometimes

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 07:27:12 2017 No.9528103 >>9527214 Learn to make mayo you casual cunt. It's not difficult there are about three steps.

Anonymous Mon Oct 9 08:38:34 2017 No.9528269

>>9521825
i did write this in another thread a while ago, but my dad makes something horrible
so, he takes leftover soup, heats it up on a pan while adding cornstarch/flour mix and hot peppers, then he adds fresh or leftover mashed potato (if we have some), then it cooks until it is thick
when it is ready, he takes the pan and puts it on thr table, adds a lot of mustard, mayo, ketchup (and some tabasco if we have some)
he eats it and he says "oh shit damn" every 2 seconds
then the toilet is being fucking NAPALMED by the burst of radioactive shit and the toilet smells like a chernobyl catastrophe but with shit smell mixed in

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 08:39:36 2017 No.9528271 >>9528269 on THE table

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 09:51:50 2017 No.9528413 >>9522355 Same thing happened to me but with cereal

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 09:54:45 2017 No.9528420 >>9528269 That didn't sound too bad at first, just a thickened soup, but the ketchup/mayo/mustard being added is a little gross

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 10:01:15 2017 No.9528430 >>9524073 I wanna know more about megabitch

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 10:59:57 2017 No.9528571 >>9521829 The cheese browned nicely

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 11:02:32 2017 No.9528583 In kindergarten and elementary we were given this """creme""" that behaved like nylon when you poked it. Could easily throw the cup across the dining hall without it moving an inch

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 11:32:09 2017 No.9528693 nice one pic of the food for the whole thread FAGGOTS

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 11:41:51 2017 No.9528722 >>9528693 Sorry, I didn't have my smartphone on me in 1997

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 14:42:01 2017 No.9529261 File: 43 KB, 445x503, 1459978828109.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521867 oh jesus

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 14:47:47 2017 No.9529278 >>9528103 yeah let's go back in time and tell anon's dad how to make mayonnaise that day how many people are here on ck who think they know cooking and just hit-and-run without reading posts so they can feel like they're a chef

>>	Anonymous Mon Oct 9 18:34:55 2017 No.9530089 >>9524073 Yeah, this happened

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 00:33:51 2017 No.9531299 >>9522355 lel good you're probably less of a picky eater now, fag

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 02:21:24 2017 No.9531672 Cottage cheese in jello.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 04:47:16 2017 No.9531969 I dont have anything crazy like you guys, but my brother managed to set ramen noodles on fire while he was cooking them.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:04:33 2017 No.9531997 >>9523955 >One time my mom made tiramisu >>with gorgonzola instead of mascarpone hahahahaha >At the time, she was trying to get back at cooking after the stroke that left her aphasic and half paralized. oh :(

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:06:01 2017 No.9532002 >>9521829 >>9524963 >>9525630 I've put vegan cheese on pizza before, and it didn't end nearly as badly as this abomination. This is the result of someone attempting to cook some shitty form of American cheese

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:15:04 2017 No.9532015
File: 109 KB, 570x378, o-MEATLOAF-FAIL-570.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

My grandma isn't a great cook (typical boomer) but she usually stays within a comfortable repertoire. Except for meatloaf, and christ is it ALWAYS bad, and not even consistently. I swear she makes up a new recipe ever. single. time. and never learns or improves despite making it a few times a month for however many years.

The worst one I can remember was a watery little number that was completely grey but pink on top where it had absorbed the color of ketchup. No matter how long she kept cooking it, it would not become any more solid so eventually she gave up and gave us all a plop to try before we gave up. My grandpa made a joke about it looking like dogfood, but when she tried to give some to the dogs they wouldn't eat it either. She's also strangely touchy about her meatloaf and always makes excuses rather than just give up.

I couldn't find a pic online as bad as hers, but this is close enough.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:33:09 2017 No.9532036

Dad was legitimately the most retarded and worst cook i've ever seen

one time he set water on fire

>dad sets pot of water on the stove to boil for tea
>leaves the fucking house
>I come home
>smoke everywhere in house
>pot on fire
>water still in pot
wut
>find out that he didn't fix the firealarm a few months ago because it wasn't going off
>dad comes home wondering why i nearly set the house on fire

his famous "steaks"

>dad buys meat from this weird dude that sells vacuum sealed meat from the back of a truck
>everything goes into the deep freezer because he doesn't know what they are
>except the "steaks"
>fires up the grill
>doesn't clean the grill...ever.
>"adds flavor"
>steaks come out blackened only way to eat them was to drown them in ketchup and A1 steak sause
for some reason no matter what shape the steaks were when they started, they always came out circular looking like a hamburger patty

These are always the first two that come to mind. I taught myself how to cook once i turned 15 to try and not die before i graduated highschool

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:35:55 2017 No.9532044 File: 48 KB, 400x389, 1470206542763.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9524073 Why would your brother's ex stay at your place for a week? Also, the last part makes me slightly concerned.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 05:48:55 2017 No.9532069
File: 215 KB, 800x800, kokki riisni apustaja.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>Mom raised on a farm and cooks food that will clog your arteries but tastes heavenly
>Dad always loved cooking for himself, worst offence being that he sometimes leaves meats on the barbecue for too long
>Learned to love cooking because of them

Thanks mom and dad.

But then the shit show that was my ex-girlfriends' parents.
>The only food her dad could make was anything that could be put inside the microwave
>Her mom made brown sauce with minced meat and served with overcooked potatoes every single fucking day

Every fucking day and she still sucked at it. I once made risotto at their house and it was like an exotic restaurant experience for the. Also her dad just skipped eating that evening.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 13:15:21 2017 No.9533000 >>9524801 This is a quintessential white suburban kid experience. Looking back, how do you even fuck up porkchops?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 13:25:19 2017 No.9533041 >>9533000 Beats me, but my mom managed it too.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 13:28:02 2017 No.9533049 >>9533041 It put me off porkchops for most of my life- I thought they were the worst cut of meat until I made them myself a few months ago. And it's so damn easy to cook, too. You have to put effort into fucking them up.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 13:35:13 2017 No.9533083 >>9522355 One time I asked my parents why there was chocolate chips in the cool whip, turned out to be mold.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 13:36:28 2017 No.9533085 File: 207 KB, 1000x750, dinner.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Bon Appétit

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:01:28 2017 No.9533150 >>9533085 this thread is too real

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:14:07 2017 No.9533192 File: 198 KB, 960x540, pizzsa.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521825 Mmm delish

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:18:01 2017 No.9533203 >>9533192 It's all burnt

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:18:48 2017 No.9533209 >>9533192 Is your backspace key on the number pad?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:19:33 2017 No.9533211 >>9533209 Yes.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:46:02 2017 No.9533303 >>9533211 y

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 14:49:17 2017 No.9533317 >>9533192 Nice pizza Papa Nurgle

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 15:25:20 2017 No.9533432 >>9528269 >Oh shit damn

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 15:48:07 2017 No.9533515 >>9525513 This. So this. Why else would he get mad about it afterwards?

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 15:54:02 2017 No.9533548 >>9528269 >he eats it and he says "oh shit damn" every 2 seconds Fucking kek

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 17:44:51 2017 No.9533973 >>9521867 My mom did this, I didn't like pasta until I got to college because I assume that all pasta was like how my mom served it. It literally wasn't until I started living on my own that I learned the joys of pasta.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 17:47:12 2017 No.9533982 >>9528269 If you take away the fucking mustard/ketchup/mayo this actually sounds fine.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 18:02:54 2017 No.9534041

>>9533515
>>9521889
when I was a kid we had leftover salmon from some chinese place and I kept saying it tasted off and my dad just told us to finish our food and not let it go to waste

I got food poisoning and puked all night and to this day the taste of cooked salmon is inedible to me (smoked/raw is fine).

I assume when you're a parent your kids complain about all sorts of picky shit when it comes to food and after a while you just become desensitised to it and want them to just fucking eat so they don't die.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 18:03:52 2017 No.9534045 File: 36 KB, 340x270, 1507183566463.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9525461

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 18:21:23 2017 No.9534106

>Mom tries to make soup for lunch
>Cuts up vegetables and puts them in a gallon of water with 1 chicken bullion cube and no other seasoning (is convinced salt is evil because of meme nutritional advice) and then adds pasta at the end.
>Put salt & pepper in my bowl to make it edible
>"I guess anon doesn't like my cooking"
>Everyone stares at their bowls

And now whenever she visits with my family for dinner
>Constantly breathing down my neck while cooking
>You need to do this first
>That's not how you do it
>You're making too much food
>That's too much X (butter, salt, flour, seasoning, stock, onions, fucking anything)

While I was making a schnitzel dinner for my family I got like 8 of these nags in a row and I snapped and told her to get the fuck out of the kitchen and go watch TV and she stomped off like a little kid and nagged me all dinner long. My dad works from home and can cook up a storm, but my mom is the one who feels entitled to give me her shitty meme advice.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 21:21:37 2017 No.9534745
File: 345 KB, 628x486, 1465405715744.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9534106
Sounds like my mom's somewhat recent creation when I came to visit.
>tomato and cabbage soup
>add canned diced tomatoes, pre-shredded cabbage, canned kidney beans, and random canned vegetables
>i taste it, bland as shit, tastes like canned tomatoes
>try to make it better with basic ingredients that were available (garlic powder, black pepper, parsley, etc) to make it somewhat palatable
>"anon, what are you adding?"
>i tell her
>"don't add too much! i don't like too much spice."
I don't even get it, she loves the (albeit way toned-down) curries and other somewhat spicy exotic foods I make for them. I guess she just doesn't understand what each spice tastes like/does.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 23:30:46 2017 No.9535147

My grandfather makes what he calls "Tuna Surprise" which is just canned tuna heat up in a pan mixed with a bit of milk, flour/starch, and butter.

It turns into a slop of creamy tuna and "the surprise is that it ain't half bad"

It really isn't that bad, but definitely reminds me of being a poor child.

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 23:38:44 2017 No.9535194 >>9521825 My brother eats whole bowls of shredded cheese and western dressing only.

Anonymous Tue Oct 10 23:39:29 2017 No.9535196

tuna cooler. still not sure if this existed outside my tiny patch of rural midwestern family as i can’t find any evidence of it online; it was canned tuna, mayo, frozen peas, cubed colby cheese, sliced hard boiled eggs, and celery pieces. no seasonings. served cold by a decaying great aunt at summer family parties. my grandpa somewhat affectionately referred to it as “tuna cooter”

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 23:41:18 2017 No.9535204 my parents used to keep the salt and the sugar in identical containers there were a lot of mishaps and a lot of wasted food

>>	Anonymous Tue Oct 10 23:41:29 2017 No.9535205 my dad has literally never cooked anything that i'm aware of

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 00:00:11 2017 No.9535270

>>9534745
Maybe like many older people they get heartburn from stupid sources and must decide weather they want to enjoy a meal or digest it comfortably. Swallowing your bile all night because your ass of a kid wanted something to taste good when you just wanted to not starve and get a good nights sleep is a indignity .

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 01:22:04 2017 No.9535501
File: 18 KB, 585x449, 1491202741372.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I actually feel like I might need a temporary tripcode for this, because I want to get some things off my chest about my Grandmother.

The worst cook to have ever lived.

To start you off, I'll describe the last meal I saw her cook for herself and my Grandfather, which was a few days ago; A singular pork steak for each of them which was taken out of the freezer, defrosted in a microwave, and then, while still quite cold, put into a a small, very cheap, convection oven at far too low a temperature and for far too short a time. The end result was watching them both chew into raw pork. Like, 70% of the steak was totally untouched by heat. The fat wasn't even singed.

It was honestly bewildering. They're both seemingly immune to food poisoning. She has unironically told me that "Chicken needs to be pink, anon".

I could literally go on and on and on for post after post, and am happy to provide picture evidence.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 01:44:28 2017 No.9535548 >>9521825 my mother has literally never once used black pepper in any of her dishes, she is convinced that it makes things ''too spicy.'' dumb fucking bitch i supress the urge to murder her in sleep everyday of my life

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 01:49:27 2017 No.9535559 >>9521889 >not wanting to let boxed macaroni and cheese go to waste fuking poors, wtf

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:03:02 2017 No.9535584 >>9532015 Maybe she has some dear memories or horrifying traumas related to meatloaf, or perhaps she is ambitious to perfect her own recipe for it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:10:56 2017 No.9535599 >>9535270 That's really deep anon!

>>	None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 02:11:45 2017 No.9535600 >>9535501 Suppose no one's interested, nvm. I guess telling my future children will just have to suffice.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:17:29 2017 No.9535614 >>9535600 pls no tell more

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:20:36 2017 No.9535626

>>9535501

please tell more anon.

My grandmother on the fathers side knows how to fuck up food too.
Shitty person to begin with, tiny things set her off. But with age she I guess didn't notice certain things anymore and would get furious if you try to help.
I got served once beet salad, she had in a big bowl on the counter for weeks and would just scoop a portion out of it. It had already white mold on top and she smashed the whole bowl into the sink when I said I think it's time that it has to go.
Once she offered watermelon and mind you, if you don't agree because you are full (or fear for the worst) she explodes as well.
So let's have some off, slushy watermelon, almost alcoholic tasting already.
The one time she made meat patties they tasted sour, I don't know if it was the onion or she put vinegar in the hacked meat.
Then there was moldy bread on the table and I watched my grandpa take a big bite out of it with no care in the world. I didn't dare to say a thing.

Now they only eat ready meals or packaged soups and I visit like once a month but then I already know I'm in for stale store bought cake and coffee from a machine that has never been cleaned.

I hope to God I will never let myself go like that.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:27:06 2017 No.9535637 >>9522413 >namefag doesn't recognize classic /ck/ food gore image What a fag.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:28:09 2017 No.9535639 >>9535600 please show me the shitty food

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 02:30:58 2017 No.9535645
File: 93 KB, 960x716, 1491158909831.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9535614
Well I'm gonna go for a jog right now, but some highlights.

>Cuts meat on the kitchen sink, will literally just hack at steak and chicken on a filthy kitchen sink.

>Uses a single fibre cloth to wipe dishes, the sinks, the tabletop, the FLOOR, cupboards etc. and also uses it to wipe the GLASS CUTTING BOARD. She doesn't throw them away, she washes them in the washing machine. Which she doesn't use any detergent for.

>Whenever she cooks any sort of whole chicken in her cheap convection oven, she doesn't have any idea how to cook it right through, and so just cuts the "cooked" meat off the pink, raw core and serves that. My Grandfather has nearly fucking died from this.

>Vegetables are always frozen when they're served.

>Has literally never used salt or pepper, didn't even know that other seasonings existed until I showed her.

>I have seen her get things out of the garbage bin and wipe them off with the fibre cloth I mentioned and then put them on a plate to serve.

>>9535626
Jesus, man. Boomers are borderline animals.

My Grandmother is OCD, and has NPC (Narcissistic personality disorder). Never been diagnosed, as she hate therapists and believes psychology to be "evil" but anyone who's spent 5 minutes with her will conclude both those things and bet their lives on it.

So, she's got this very strange combination of traits wherein she's terrified of failure, but also is incapable of learning because she rejects any criticism as an attack on her person.

>I hope to God I will never let myself go like that.
It takes a lifetime of poor decisions and a shitty personality to get to that point, man. My Grandmother spent her entire life working in a retirement home, and so that's where she learned to cook food. Resulting in her chronically rushing everything she makes and undercooking it all.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:41:55 2017 No.9535660

>>9535645

>Uses a single fibre cloth to wipe everything
Fucking hell mine does that too, with the difference she uses too much shitty detergent so the smell somehow "sticks" to eveything and leaves a trace smell. Makes me puke.
>chicken
Mine is rather the "cook it until its dry" but she buys shit ton of chicken each month because some cheap turk sells it and I get always a bag of freeze burnt "as a gift".
>she rejects any criticism as an attack on her person
Wouldn't be amazed if mine has this NPC as well. I know she is not sane but she refuses to visit doctors exactly because she doesn't want to hear others opinions.
I once wanted to invite them for dinner
"No anon, we are so old and sick, we can't leave the house"
Okay, how about I cook something nice at your place
"WTF ANON, YOU SAYING MY COOKING SKILLS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? THINK YOU ARE SOMETHING BETTER?"

fuck man, I get Vietnam type flashbacks here.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:45:25 2017 No.9535664

>>9535660
It's nice to know I'm not alone in my experiences of truly despising old people.

Does your grandfather also just passively accept it? I swear he knows how shitty the food is but just doesn't care to ever bring it up due to the knowledge it would send her fucking ballistic.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:48:39 2017 No.9535667 >>9535196 I have had this in the past except replace the cheese with minced onion and add a bit of vinegar. Tastes pretty good. In my mind, cheese and fish do not mix.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:50:32 2017 No.9535677

>>9535664

Yeah I have to force myself to visit them but I still try to care and rather call them twice a week.
When my father (their first born son) died I took the time to talk with grandpa, and he said she always was like that.
My aunt brings them once a week freshly cooked food so they get something nice and they always find a reason to bitch about it.
Really disheartening.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:51:26 2017 No.9535680 File: 132 KB, 318x318, NotLikeThis.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9522355 Happened to me with a box of nilla wafers I can still taste the crunch and me brushing my teeth to no end that morning

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 02:55:23 2017 No.9535691

>>9532036
>>dad buys meat from this weird dude that sells vacuum sealed meat from the back of a truck
The best kind of meat!

Dad doesn't cook at all, i've never seen him prepare or cook anything at all, not even frozen food or toast, he makes coffee but i don't think that counts.

Mom is really only comfortable around easy to make stuff like Bacon, eggs, toast, those bagged salads that come with sachets of bacon, croutons, sauces and whatever. so i do most of the cooking and i am happy to do it, Roast lamb, veg and gravy goes over well.

>>9532044
His brother probably wanted some time away from the terrorcunt and decided he didn't give a fuck what she did to his brother.

>>9535194
How obese is he?

>>9535501
>She has unironically told me that "Chicken needs to be pink, anon".
I bet she has had food poisoning so many times she is immune to it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:00:14 2017 No.9535706 >>9535501 >chicken needs to be pink Holy shit, I nearly died laughing. Have you ever thought about giving her a remote thermometer?

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:00:24 2017 No.9535707

>>9535677
You're actually in a borderline identical situation to me. My father died, and so I've been staying with them temporarily while I get some stuff sorted out. Helping me out a bit, I pay them rent, water etc. Also don't need the trip, fuck it. I have stories 4 days.

>My aunt brings them once a week freshly cooked food so they get something nice and they always find a reason to bitch about it.
Similar situation. Takes the opportunity to shit on any food that isn't up to her "standard" despite literally giving me food poisoning every single time I eat anything she's cooked.

>Really disheartening.
I think it's just boomer narcissism. My grandfather, for example, could have learned to cook but chose not to. There's a responsibility between partners to help compensate for one another's faults and failings, and if one partner is incapable of accepting help, because they're terrified of being seen as a failure, or more commonly, like your/my grandmothers, have projected their sense of self worth onto a small set of chores and simple tasks like cooking and cleaning, that any assertion they're not doing it perfectly is basically attacking their very soul.

>>9535691
>I bet she has had food poisoning so many times she is immune to it.
That's my thinking, but I'm not sure how someone could eat raw chicken that's been wiped around on a filthy sink without dying. But she can, she can just eat raw meat.

I just don't understand.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:03:49 2017 No.9535722

>>9535645
>. My Grandmother spent her entire life working in a retirement home.
People who grew up poor tend to do that sort of shit, my grandma will keep those shitty disposable dishcloths and reusing/cleaning them til they disintegrate in the washing machine AND THEN curse out the company who makes the shitty disposable dishcloths for it.

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:06:12 2017 No.9535733
File: 30 KB, 647x594, 1491465079591.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9535706
She's incredibly neurotic and self conscious about her ability to cook, so any attempts at helping her, like trying to explain that convectional ovens and conventional ovens aren't the same thing, or that shrimp still needs to be cooked and isn't somehow safe to eat after being heated to room temperature just because the sauce is spicy.

No, I am not fucking joking.

She is the worst cook in human history.

>>9535722
I honestly have zero sympathy for it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:08:29 2017 No.9535737 File: 29 KB, 550x413, hell.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521867 THIS. Also, no one liked spaghetti but me. So it was always Fusilli, or seashells or something stupid and hard to fork because it was always over cooked.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:10:04 2017 No.9535742 ex gf's parents use to put broken up chips (crisps) on top of their tuna casserole. kid that lived next door would mix milk with orange cordial and drink the curdled abomination.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:10:23 2017 No.9535743 >>9526936 Eh, I've had worse.

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:11:34 2017 No.9535747
File: 351 KB, 1200x900, 1491930881731.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9535501
Oh, also, the second last meal I saw her make;

Tortellini that was dumped into plain water, cooked until it was just about ready to be edible, but not quite, put onto a plate and then cold sauce poured over it straight from the jar taken straight from the fridge.

The end result was something like eating wet bread mixed with tomato slices.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:11:55 2017 No.9535749 >>9535742 >ex gf's parents use to put broken up chips (crisps) on top of their tuna casserole. That's not too uncommon actually. It's not the greatest but it's just mainly potatoes and oil.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:12:47 2017 No.9535755 >>9529278 >2017 >implying making mayonnaise is difficult >ishygddt

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:12:59 2017 No.9535756

>>9535707

Yeah I also stayed with them for time being.
My condolences anon, just pull through and try to live until you feel alive again.
Back then I told my aunt about the all the spoiled stuff and she didn't really want to believe it (and of course whenever she came over eating once in a blue moon, grandma cooked fresh)
The whole family tells me "that's how grandma is, she had a difficult life" and I should visit them 3 times a week and kiss their butts and look the other way. Back then i tried so hard to get that grandparents - grandchild bond going but now I simply can't care.

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:16:13 2017 No.9535767
File: 94 KB, 600x596, 1504911778360.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9535756
Don't ever sacrifice anything for boomers. Or old people in general, just on account of their age. Because believe me, they'd set you on fire to save themselves.

I wouldn't trade places with them, though. They may have robbed their children of their wealth, and wealth potential, by having them fare for themselves and pay for their social security, but the end result is that they'll die alone, miserable, slowly forgetting who they are or what they even did for 99% of their lives, being abused by an aged care system they voted for because they didn't know they'd one day end up there.

Shitting themselves and crying out for help from a world they robbed and from children they abandoned.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:21:17 2017 No.9535782 >>9535767 damn dude......

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:23:11 2017 No.9535786

>>9535767

I sadly have this stupid habit of caring for family members and hoping for the best in people.
I would have abandoned those grandparents a long time ago but until I am done with my education I rely on their financial support and my apartment runs on my aunts name so she might kick me out if pull shit like that.

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:25:38 2017 No.9535791

>>9535786
Take em for a ride, man.

But just remember; The only reason your grandmother really wants you there is because she's put 95% of her self worth into the act of being a caregiver, and a matriarch. You give her that sense of accomplishment and importance.

If you didn't, she'd have you out on the streets. I know you know I'm right, too, because anyone willing to serve contaminated food poison bait to their family and refuses to learn how to cook properly, and attacks anyone who even implies they can't, isn't someone who thinks of others.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:27:31 2017 No.9535797
File: 57 KB, 317x800, 1501075790651.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9535767
>dad stops talking to me for years for no reason, has done this multiple times before
>go over grandma's house every week or two to help her with errands and yard work, and spend time with her
>refuse her money when she tries to pay me and just ask for lunch
>tells me dad wants to talk to me, not entirely comfortable with it so i say not right now
>grandma stops talking to me
>dad says he's getting old and i'll regret not talking to him
>always thought grandma was the only family member who never really mistreated me
>remember an instance of when she was talking badly about a neighbor behind their back and then acting nice to them to their face
>she was probably doing the same thing with me

None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:32:59 2017 No.9535809

>>9535797
Yea, older women tend to have had a few children, and more grandchildren than they know what to do with. They become very concerned that they'll die alone, and are ultimately unloved. And so do pretty much whatever they can to curry favour with their kids. And if that means fucking over their grandkids or tricking them etc. they'll do it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:33:49 2017 No.9535813 >>9521825 that looks horrible js

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:37:33 2017 No.9535819

>>9535791

I won't be happy once she dies but I will be relieved as fuck.
I notice that behavior in my aunt too, now that shes getting older. my father didn't have it because he broke off contact with them for 20 years or so. He reinitiated contact basically because he needed a babysitter for me.
The other two grandchildren aren't in contact with them either, so I am the only one.

But yeah to bring it back to something cooking related, my grandma mothers side is a wonderful cook, of course now she uses more frozen stuff due to her bad eyesight but when she makes gravy it's to die for.
She's the one where her homely cooking skills will make you feel like "i'm 8 years old and spend holidays with grandparents" - in a good way.

>>	None !w9j0TEo0cA Wed Oct 11 03:41:22 2017 No.9535821 >>9535819 Man I'm pretty envious, honestly. No one in my family can cook. On either side.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:44:13 2017 No.9535827

My grandma used to cook every workday, and 3 days out of 5 she'd make what I affectionately liked to call Unidentified Brown Liquid™.

I'd find a pot sitting on the stove, and lifting the lid and looking in, all I'd see is an opaque orange-brown thick fluid with some oil floating on the surface. Sticking a ladle in and trying to fish something out would result in half a carrot and a smoked bone with some meat clinging to it, along with traces of what the meal was supposed to be (peas, beans, green beans, potatoes). Whatever it was, it was overcooked to mushy death, or as grandma would say, "it's nice and coooooooooooked".

I was so happy when I moved out and learned to make beans with actual beans and peas with actual peas, and after mom retired and took over cooking duty, I hear dad's been putting on some weight finally.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:48:42 2017 No.9535836 >>9535827 >Unidentified Brown Liquid™ this made me crack up more than it should. Wonders of childhood huh

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 03:49:06 2017 No.9535837 >>9535827 >"it's nice and coooooooooooked". Oh fuck my sides.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 04:03:23 2017 No.9535862

Mother used to hoard condiments that she opened and never liked. The thing is that she didn't throw them out either, so they were just left there to rot in the fridge fir months on end. It came to a point where every month I had to clean out the fridge and throw out all the mold infested cheese mustard or some other shit like that. Opening those jars and seeing exactly what monstrosities were going on in there was both fun and disgusting at the same time

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 04:04:07 2017 No.9535865

>>9535827
Oh god I just dredged up another childhood memory. The Sunday Lunch SSM. Soup-Sauce-Meat.

Take a gigantic pot of water, throw in some potatoes, onions, carrots, parsnips and pork. Boil for several hours until color and taste are eliminated. Remove solid matter from pot and set aside. Filter liquid for foam, froth and debris. Throw in noodles. Name this "soup".

In a saucepan, attempt making bechamel. Fail at making bechamel. Add dill and tomato juice. Allow to congeal. Name this "sauce".

Serve soup, followed by neutralized carrots, potatoes and pork remains with solidifying chunks of sauce. Call this "meat".

This had been The Sunday Lunch until I was about 6 or 7, at which point my mom had had enough of grandma's shit and had started roasting chicken on Sundays instead.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 04:04:41 2017 No.9535868 >>9524801 >>9524958 >>9533000 >>9533041 Sucks to suck, my mom always nailed porkchops. She would roast them with an apricot glaze. Shit was so cash.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 04:59:53 2017 No.9535954 >>9535868 >my mom always nailed porkchops to what

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 05:05:27 2017 No.9535961 >>9521825 >when both your parents could actually cook competently enough so you never had these nightmares I feel something, but it's not sadness.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 05:15:36 2017 No.9535978

>>9534106
my mother is like this. Whenever I cook Spagetti Bolognese for the family, She comes into the kitchen and starts telling me how to do it, what not to do. I swear she comes over like 3 times a month I make some variation on this and it's always the same result. She Second guesses everything I do, and complains, then exclaims how good it is after I make it. Then the next time I do, she bitches the same way.

>Dont put crushed tomatoes I cant eat them. Use sauce and paste
I have to show her the can, consistently, every single time, that crushed tomatoes is basically the same with with no added shit but like salt.

>Dont make it spicy
When I add a tiny amount of chile paste
>Dont make it too salty!
It's infuriating.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 05:50:25 2017 No.9536021

>Have plain toast for breakfast because poor
>Tastes weird
>Mom cleans out toaster after I go to school
>Says everything is fine
>Use toaster every school day for 3 more years
>Only when it breaks does she tell me the truth
>A mouse crawled into the toaster and I cooked it alive underneath my toast

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:11:00 2017 No.9536045 File: 15 KB, 444x454, 1461672119256.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9533192 W-what a good looking pizza.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:18:55 2017 No.9536054 File: 170 KB, 734x794, 1507551040153.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521825 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? THAT IS NOT PIZZA

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:21:02 2017 No.9536058 >>9533192 Still better than OPs pic

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:39:07 2017 No.9536089 File: 122 KB, 412x323, oh.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9536021

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:40:08 2017 No.9536091

>>9535664
what is it with old people? when i'm cooking i have to watch my food 24/7 to prevent my grandpa from tampering with it. last time i was cooking spaghetti and when i poured the noodles in a couple fell on the gross hot stove so i just decided i'd clean them out after the stove cools. i come back to strain the spaghetti out and see the burnt fucking nigger noodles swimming with all my clean ones. i fished them out and then when i was straining the spaghetti a handful of noodles fell into the sink. he told me not to throw them away and he was gonna put the disgusting ass sink noodles in with all the clean ones and i told him "if you dont wanna waste those then you take them. im not putting that in with my clean food!" then he was like "well fine" and he takes his sauceless sink spaghetti to the fucking table.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:43:00 2017 No.9536095 >>9536021 oh god the horror

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:49:05 2017 No.9536102
File: 368 KB, 1000x1000, 1456920893615.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I have a few.

>mother liked to combine different things when we ran out of food
>pickles, mayonnaise, peanut butter on a sandwich
>ketchup, jelly, chopped hotdogs
>the infamous english muffin pizzas, but with questionable english muffins that she insists don't go bad
>tomato soup made from salsa
>pickles, mustard, and eggs mixed together with tuna which she insists was normal
I've since taken over cooking for her in her old age.

She did a lot of questionable shit, like not replacing sponges for years and not wringing them out after each use, using condiments that expired 3 years ago, eating around the mold, and never washing baking sheets.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:50:49 2017 No.9536105

>>9532069
almost every single time i go to my boyfriends house they give me pizza, it makes me wonder how they're not all obese. then one day i was ovee there his dad said he was cooking chicken and rice for us and I got excited, but the chicken turned out to be this weirdass ground chicken burger shit. on rice.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 06:55:23 2017 No.9536112 File: 131 KB, 1024x732, lOzV6TX.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9536102 >tomato soup made from salsa

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:05:49 2017 No.9536125 >>9535797 The only reason she was probably being nice was to have someone help her around. Same shit with your dad, he's just trying to guilt trip you.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:08:59 2017 No.9536135 File: 87 KB, 768x1024, Working Class Dinner.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521825 >ITT: we discuss culinary horrors that our parents and other family members exposed us to

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:13:07 2017 No.9536141 >>9536135 the fuck is the green shit, baby diahrrea?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:17:52 2017 No.9536152 >>9536141 Peas looks like. Probably the ones meant for split pea soup.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:19:02 2017 No.9536154 >>9536141 Mushy peas. Traditional British dish.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:28:23 2017 No.9536162 >>9536091 I honestly think it's that they don't understand germs. Diseases and sicknesses to them are pretty archaic and I comprehensible.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:30:16 2017 No.9536163 File: 126 KB, 420x293, 20171011_042942.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9531672

The guy who feels like shit Wed Oct 11 07:33:53 2017 No.9536167

>>9535645
>>9535664
>>9535660
Dude holy shit you just decribed my Nanna. She insisted that i call her that since birth. My dad and i have to visit then once a month and theres a 1/8 chance she'll freak the fuck out. My NANNER IS BANANERZ

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:43:18 2017 No.9536183 >mom cooking >boil water, vapor everything >lunch/dinner done Im glad im in charge now

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:53:30 2017 No.9536200 >>9522153 The war was over 200 years ago. Get over it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:56:12 2017 No.9536204 >>9536021 how in the fuck

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 07:59:53 2017 No.9536207

I will never understand how people can manage to fuck up cooking THIS badly for such a long time.

Up until less than a year ago, I never even baked an egg, let alone cook my own meal. I was 20. My mom was a great cook and tried to pass it on to me but I never bothered with it while I was living with them.
When I went to life on my own, I just looked up some basic recipes and tips and went with that. I never fucked up a meal in my life and it always tastes great.
It honestly fucking baffles me that adults can serve shit like >>9536135.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:03:26 2017 No.9536216

>>9521825

My mom would always take a normal pizza like Tombstone pizza and add 'fixins' to it like onions, olives, tomatoes, etc. The normal pizza was fine but for some reason every time she added stuff to it, it would make the whole thing bitter. So bitter it was almost inedible. I would ask her not to put stuff on it but she thought I was just being nice..

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:29:41 2017 No.9536270 >>9521825 Did they leave clingfilm over it?

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:31:32 2017 No.9536275

>>9535501
My grandma didn't cook much, but she was a great baker. I feel for people who have grandmas who are/were shitty cooks. I remember going out with mine each season to collect pecans/apples/peaches/etc that we used in desserts. Kinda sad that other people didn't get to experience that desu.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:36:05 2017 No.9536289 >>9536091 If you can't eat food that's been in the sink for half a second, you have a serious kitchen hygiene problem. Clean your goddamn sink.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:36:55 2017 No.9536291 >ask for breakfast as a kid >mom makes ”””peanut butter french toast””” >layer wonder bread >layer peanut butter >layer banana slices >repeat four times >cover in fake syrup >every single morning

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:40:27 2017 No.9536299 >>9536291 What is fake syrup?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:40:29 2017 No.9536300 >>9536291 did you die?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 08:41:13 2017 No.9536301 >>9536299 Flavoured sugar syrup, rather than actual maple syrup

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 09:10:24 2017 No.9536348 >>9536300 i weighed 400 lbs when i turned 18

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 09:20:33 2017 No.9536386 >>9536348 lol

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 09:23:53 2017 No.9536390

My aunt always makes "Trifle" every family get together.
Boxed angel food cake.
Canned mandarins
Nutriwhip

The mandarins are never drained well, so this trifle always ends up being soggy chunks of angel food that tastes like sugar water.

Other aunt always brings Broccoli and cauliflower with cheese.
It's like boiled broccoli until it turns that sad brown/yellow colour and has no texture and velveeta cheese.

Or when somebody brings a ham. It's usually just like a scheinders ham with canned pineapple.

One of my aunts who I lived with for several years made something...
It was ground beef that was fried, but it was always too small a pan so it would boiled itself in the pan, when it was nice and liquidy she would put some diced onion in, then top the pan up with water, boil it down, more water, boil it down, repeating this until the liquid was a grey viscous fluid that was translucent. Then she would stir in pepper. It never really tasted like anything. Always very bland. It would be this and boiled potatoes.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 10:04:20 2017 No.9536502 fuuuck this thread really makes me want to cook good things for my kids when I have them. I'm not bad at cooking now, but holy shit everyone should learn to cook decent.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 10:13:57 2017 No.9536527 >>9536135 Looks absolutely fine to me. I don't get the hate. No, I'm not British.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 10:32:45 2017 No.9536572 Moms "French Toast" >fresh natures own wheat bread >bowl of mixed cinnamon, skim milk, and splenda >no butter >no sugar >made this all the time It was awful...

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 10:49:38 2017 No.9536609 File: 187 KB, 754x640, potatos.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521825

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:04:23 2017 No.9536653 File: 124 KB, 600x446, 1356255234598.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9534045 >>9525504 What a time to be alive

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:17:12 2017 No.9536686

>sister is a malignant narcissist
>the rest of my family is so scared of her, they let do whatever or demand whatever she wants
>at every family gathering, she insists on making one of her "specialities" which usually consists of:
>"lemon pepper cabbage" - red cabbage sauteed in a stick of butter with half a jar of lemon pepper dumped in it
>garlic spaghetti" - 2 giant spoonfuls of jarred mined garlic sauteed in 2 sticks of butter mixed with spaghetti
>"potato salad" - boiled potatoes mixed with boiled eggs, onion, mayo and salt and pepper, that's it.

There's more, but that's all I feel like typing about the bitch.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:23:27 2017 No.9536704 >>9522333 so he's one of those guys that provide the backdrop for those awful relic hunter shows from history channel? I always wondered what drives people just to hoard acres of shit just waiting for someone to come barter with them

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:31:22 2017 No.9536727 >>9536135 looks ok. Very basic though. Plating is the key in this dish. Put 3 smal dishes and it looks like a million bucks.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:34:44 2017 No.9536739 >>9522333 this is a beta male thing it’s a gathering instinct that has no practical outlet in a settled society

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:40:57 2017 No.9536760 File: 9 KB, 360x450, mayo maker 9001.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9529278 just use a hand blender dude google the measures, plop the eggs+oil, pinch of salt and go to town works everytime

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:47:42 2017 No.9536777 >>9533085 doesn't look that bad honestly

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 11:56:55 2017 No.9536803

>>9535645
>>Cuts meat on the kitchen sink, will literally just hack at steak and chicken on a filthy kitchen sink.
>>Uses a single fibre cloth to wipe dishes, the sinks, the tabletop, the FLOOR, cupboards etc. and also uses it to wipe the GLASS CUTTING BOARD. She doesn't throw them away, she washes them in the washing machine. Which she doesn't use any detergent for.
>>Whenever she cooks any sort of whole chicken in her cheap convection oven, she doesn't have any idea how to cook it right through, and so just cuts the "cooked" meat off the pink, raw core and serves that. My Grandfather has nearly fucking died from this.
>>Vegetables are always frozen when they're served.
>>Has literally never used salt or pepper, didn't even know that other seasonings existed until I showed her.
>>I have seen her get things out of the garbage bin and wipe them off with the fibre cloth I mentioned and then put them on a plate to serve.
this is some "the chad grandma cook" vs "the virgin home chef" shit anon
so sorry for you, my grandma was a great cook and I didn't knew I was so lucky about it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:10:29 2017 No.9536829 >>9521867 yaaaaaaag

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:12:35 2017 No.9536836 >>9536102 what the fuck is good with the never washing baking sheets deal, it seems turbo common and i never hear anyone talk about it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:14:10 2017 No.9536843 File: 59 KB, 395x401, 1425768013723.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9528269 >oh shit damn

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:14:22 2017 No.9536844 >>9536836 dunno, maybe they think they can fuck up the "seasoning" like with a cast iron pan? dumb people is dumb man

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:24:08 2017 No.9536880 File: 1.55 MB, 1440x1086, IMG_0809.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9536836 I pretty much always lay down parchment paper, or tin foil if it's going above 400 degrees. How bad am I fucking up? My pan is pristine.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:26:00 2017 No.9536888

my mom is a shit cook and a terrible narcissist.

She buys expensive coffee but uses an old and never cleaned coffee machine, so it tastes a lot more bitter than it should. And she also has a nespresso machine for capsule espresso, which atleast taste better.

spaghetti bolognese is her "specialty". She puts in half a bottle of ketchup and 1/4 ltr of cream. Dices a bunch of veggies and throws in ground beef. You only taste the cream, nothing else. It's disgusting.
She also shrieks, when you put in spices. I put some cayenne-pepper in there for good measure and she went berzerk after tasting, since it is so fucking spicy apparently. Drank an entire bottle of water for that and filled her plate with sugar.

When she makes some veggie side dishes, they are drenched in butter or cream-laced sauce.
That's a general problem in my family, even with my grandma, who grew up during the war. Her ongoing theme is "but we didn't have nothing then"

All they know about cooking is
>heat shit up with oil or butter or both
>drench it in either until that is all you can taste

And don't you ever dare to correct them. I once cooked up some oil and put in veggies and some good spices. Cauliflower, peas, carrots, all the greatest hits. Plus slowly baked chicken with a light soup as main dish.
>It doesn't really taste like anything, anon. Next time, you might wanna put some butter on the chicken and the greens for good measure

Another thing is that mom knows jack shit about breakfast food. All she ever slings down is white bread with some egg sauce or cheese.
>Ha, anon, why are you bringing blackbread to the table ? Here, i brought you 5 buns.

Take that shit for 19 years and you might not be surprised to know that as soon as i moved to college, i got a hell a lot thinner.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:31:01 2017 No.9536906 My dad puts this awful poison smelling sauce on his chicken sometimes called tobasco It's soo freaking awful it tastes like knives stabbing your tongue

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:34:42 2017 No.9536915 >>9536888 Wtf is egg sauce

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:36:30 2017 No.9536922
File: 64 KB, 1000x1000, 584253.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>met a girl in college
>she's from a mountain town in west virginia
>we drive 10 hours to see her family
>grandma is losing her mind, but still somewhat functional and cooking baked chicken
>takes chicken out of oven
>puts it back on the styrofoam packaging it came in with the little soggy pad full of salmonella
>mother just rolls her eyes and puts the chicken on a platter and serves it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:44:22 2017 No.9536936 >>9536915 It is essentially, sour creme, ground up boiled eggs and some other snippets. It's smells like literal farts and she puts it on her bread in the morning. She also has terrible mouth breath, which smells like an animal carcass.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:48:55 2017 No.9536944 >>9536906 >tobasco I see this a lot on here. Is it a regional spelling?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 12:55:42 2017 No.9536964 >>9536944 No, it's a stupidity thing. The name is right on the fucking bottle.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 13:01:03 2017 No.9536977
File: 69 KB, 900x900, 1492558294572.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

All of my family eats well done steak/burgers. I said fuck it one day at Hooters and ordered a medium Burger. That pretty much changed my perspective. My family gives me shit tho. They say "Ew its still raw or that stuff coming from your burger isnt juicyness... its blood."
>mfw

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 13:04:00 2017 No.9536988 >>9536964 >replying to pasta

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 13:39:48 2017 No.9537070 >>9536988 "Pasta" implies a paragraph's worth of idiocy, not half a green text sentence.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 13:57:20 2017 No.9537117 >>9521867 growing up, you sorta learn how wrong your parents were doing shit sometimes. >mum cooks pasta, boils it for 30-35mins, doesnt even salt the water >no bite to pasta but bolognese is usually pretty good since its been simmered for hours.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 14:43:30 2017 No.9537233 >>9536977 TFW not medium rare

>>	Anoɳymous Wed Oct 11 14:56:39 2017 No.9537279 >>9535204 Oh shit. I once made pizza dough with corn starch instead of flour because of a similar problem

>>	Anoɳymous Wed Oct 11 15:01:15 2017 No.9537292 >>9535626 That's not being a shitty cook nor a shitty person. This is dementia. Not onsetting alzheimer's either. Full-blown dementia

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:14:35 2017 No.9537329 >>9535680 I've eaten forest ants, they're alright. Is it really that disgusting?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:15:30 2017 No.9537331 File: 92 KB, 613x1024, 1447159697660.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9528269 >oh shit damn

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:21:17 2017 No.9537349 File: 2.38 MB, 1080x1920, tmp_17021-Screenshot_2017-09-24-01-05-001377519869.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] My dad's girlfriend made this for dinner. no sides, just a chicken breast with a slice of onion on top

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:23:14 2017 No.9537357 >>9537331 >I recognize that fire >The girl looks familiar too

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:32:10 2017 No.9537383 File: 960 KB, 1280x960, 8fc.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9537357

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:44:57 2017 No.9537417 >>9521825 I'm not a processed cheese abolitionist like a lot of people here... I think it has it's uses. But after seeing this image I think I will change my ways.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:46:02 2017 No.9537423 cooked brown lentils+cheese I called it monster snot because it looked awful. Tasted pretty good though

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:46:21 2017 No.9537424 >>9521996 It's new york style which is what most of the country is trying to emulate. When it's well made the crust is still crispy but the slices are generally too big for the thin crust to hold the weight of the slice, so it bends over.

Anoɳymous Wed Oct 11 15:47:16 2017 No.9537429

>>9536609
How does something like this even happen? It looks like the heat only came from one spot.
>>9536944
The first vowel in Tabasco is reduced down to a schwa, and sometimes elided completely. This kind of thing causes some of the most common misspellings and confusions in English, such as accept/except, affect/effect, independant/independet, etc.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:48:08 2017 No.9537431 >>9535147 Well it sounds like your grandfather did the best he could with what was accessible. Nothing wrong with it but tuna surprise sounds nasty as shit.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:50:32 2017 No.9537441 >>9524801 I think anyone with boomer parents has a similar experience. My mom still to this day swears chicken needs to be cooked to 195F to be safe to eat.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 15:52:21 2017 No.9537448 >>9527127 What's wrong with homade mayo? Tastes way better than store bought trash and if you use fresh eggs the chance of salmonella is so small it's worth the risk.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 16:00:24 2017 No.9537470 >>9521825 >>9521867 https://youtu.be/HAom8ws8qp4

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 16:09:27 2017 No.9537492 >>9537470 kek, based beaners.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 16:14:15 2017 No.9537506 File: 97 KB, 379x254, 1388953986619.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9537492 baked beaners?

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 16:16:14 2017 No.9537518

This whole thread makes me love one of my grandmother way more, considering she cook amazing. The other one gave up on cooking and my grandad took charge.
>bolognese is fucked up, basically only some kind of meat i cannot identify, uncooked carrot, tomato paste.
>pasta per se always over cooked, one would expect in Italy al dente was an established concept, apparently no
>meat is "marinated". It taste only of alcohol, plus tons on spices. It recently discovered juniper berry and put them everywhere with tons of garlic
>like, a whole head of garlic is gone cooking for 3 people
>and is not cooked, almost raw.
>everything is always drenched in oil, sometimes he mix oil with cream.
>top everything with non existent manners, he eat with is face 3 inches from the plate shoving food on his mouth
>grandma is the same and should lose weight (145 cm/ 75 kg is not a great place to be) because of spine problems

Me, my father and my uncle have told him in any possible way to stop with this shit, he doesn't care and he's getting worse. Luckily i don't eat with him so often

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 16:40:58 2017 No.9537631 >>9536291 >one layer >not wonder bread >real syrup that would be tasty desu

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:07:35 2017 No.9537712 File: 1.56 MB, 3264x1840, 1464707678299.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9537357 if you get me her number I'll cook you a fine meal

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:08:16 2017 No.9537713 >>9536207 >It honestly fucking baffles me that adults can serve shit like >>9536135. Nigger please. The only thing wrong with that is the ghetto-ass presentation.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:21:33 2017 No.9537757
File: 24 KB, 233x360, 233full-frederica-bernkastel.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9537713
>the only thing wrong is presentation
I suppose for a lowly street urchin such as yourself, a pile of shit garnished with rose petals and served with a side of curdled cum grits would be a gourmet meal compared to your usual fare.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:28:22 2017 No.9537776 >>9532015 But meatloaf is always bad.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:48:12 2017 No.9537844

>>9535270
My parents aren't particularly old, and they never really learned how to cook. And, as I mentioned, they're not adverse to small amounts of spice, they just don't know what spices actually do and thought that things like fucking basil might make the soup too spicy.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:57:27 2017 No.9537866 >>9536135 >h..here honey, we could only afford 6 sausages but instead of 3 and 3 you can have one of mine! christ how depressing

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 17:58:12 2017 No.9537869 Cottage pie from the Schwan's truck.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:09:39 2017 No.9537901
File: 2.85 MB, 5000x5000, 1365396192560.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

HOW HARD IS IT TO LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPIE, ONLINE, AND FUCKING FOLLOW IT?!!?!?!?
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONES FAMILIES!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! LOOK UP!!!! A FUCKING!!! RECIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:12:57 2017 No.9537907 >>9537869 >buying food from door to door food salesmen Are you of the romanian persuasion, perhaps? If so, stop by my house because I have a couple dogs that would like to meet you.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:15:42 2017 No.9537918 File: 77 KB, 289x292, 1491832857479.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9532036 >ad buys meat from this weird dude that sells vacuum sealed meat from the back of a truck

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:17:08 2017 No.9537921 >>9533192 I want crispy hash browns now.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:17:22 2017 No.9537922 >>9537907 No, but technically it was my Grandparents purchase.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:18:10 2017 No.9537925 File: 27 KB, 211x246, 1507417423380.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521867 >Pasta is left in the pot of water

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:20:59 2017 No.9537936 File: 1.49 MB, 1065x902, 9f9.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9531672 winrar

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:24:38 2017 No.9537953 File: 44 KB, 564x423, jello4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9531672 hot

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:26:30 2017 No.9537959 My dad loves liverwurst and peanutbutter sandwiches

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 18:35:06 2017 No.9537991 File: 245 KB, 1600x1064, Salami-Nutella-Stulle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9537959 Sounds like my guilty pleasure: Salami with Nutella. Don't bash it ib4 you try it desu

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 19:20:42 2017 No.9538142 >>9537901 The recipes on pinterest are made by 'these families'

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 19:39:57 2017 No.9538201

>>9536803
Fuck me you're right.

They also can't wash dishes properly. What they do is basically just very quickly dunk them in the sink, and then wipe them with an oily rag that she refuses to wash until it's borderline rotting.

She will cut the meat with a knife, and then run her fingers along the blade as a way to "clean" it and then puts it back in the block with food and meat juice still on it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 19:46:51 2017 No.9538228 >>9536572 That's some great depression tier shit.

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 19:50:55 2017 No.9538243
File: 7 KB, 210x173, 1498179511324.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9521845

>be me
>working at papa johns
>working cash register
>fat women comes in
>"hay i dont like the cheese you guys use, if i bring my own will you use it?"
>i know for a fact we use good quality mozzarella, shits like $40 a case.
>manager in the back hears "tell her its fine we'll do it"
>"uuhhh....yeah sure"
>bitch pulls out a stack of kraft singles
>i take her money and tell her itll be 15 minutes
>13 minutes later and the whole shop reaks like plastic cheese
>pie comes out fucking bubbling
>mfw she thanks us and eats a piece on her way out

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 21:34:00 2017 No.9538622 File: 529 KB, 1080x1624, 1472576289598.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 21:34:57 2017 No.9538624 >>9538201 are you serious that's fucking gross man don't eat whoevers cooking that is. it's time to only cook for yourself

>>	Bump Man Wed Oct 11 21:36:23 2017 No.9538630 >>9535548 >wanting to kill your mom for not using black pepper

Anonymous Wed Oct 11 21:43:03 2017 No.9538657

>>9538624
I do.

Every now and again she'll cook chicken nuggets. That's about the only thing you can eat that she's made that won't immediately give you food poisoning.

I haven't touched her cooking in a long, long time.

Oh yea and she believes that spicy sauces means you don't have to cook whatever meat you put into it as long.

So, anything with shrimp or sausage will literally send you to the hospital if it's got curry in it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:07:16 2017 No.9538747 >>9538630 >he thinks its the only reason he wants to do it

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:08:52 2017 No.9538752 >>9538657 lel so she thinks spicy = physical heat nice man. have you tried explaining how this isn't the case yet

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:10:23 2017 No.9538758 >>9537331 She's qt

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:16:09 2017 No.9538790 >>9525504 wtf it didnt melt before?

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:23:34 2017 No.9538816 File: 247 KB, 640x950, 183.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] This thread reminds me of: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/avywv4/my-grandma-the-poisoner-0000474-v21n10 I'm glad my grandparents know how to cook decently.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 22:24:53 2017 No.9538824 >>9538752 Yes. She just starts yelling and calls you retarded.

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 23:15:22 2017 No.9538987 File: 9 KB, 288x295, 1497769306856.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9538243

>>	Anonymous Wed Oct 11 23:16:15 2017 No.9538992 >>9538622 this can't be real

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 00:07:37 2017 No.9539168 >>9538824 the fuck

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 00:10:29 2017 No.9539177 >>9536922 oh my god does the mother just not care

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 00:12:04 2017 No.9539184 >>9535548 just sounds like her tastes. go to a mental hospital

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 00:20:52 2017 No.9539215 >>9537441 Why are baby boomers such consistently terrible chefs?

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 00:49:25 2017 No.9539293

>>9535667
The only way cheese and fish mix is when you make a tuna casserole with some cheese on top to crisp up. It is trailer food but the best type of trailer food.
>>9535645
>she's got this very strange combination of traits wherein she's terrified of failure, but also is incapable of learning because she rejects any criticism as an attack on her person.
That was my mom to an extreme degree, and I noticed this in me too, to the point I overcompensate to learn. I'd rather be a beta cuck than be the touchy, explosive personality.
>>9535707
>she can just eat raw meat.
There is no immunity to worms.
My parents cooked pork and steak until well-done. Back in my day you had to. I cook pork until 140f at the bone to this day, but only when I have an instant read thermometer available.
I will not eat the slightest pink pork cooked by another person, not even Chef Ramsey.
>>9535733

>isn't somehow safe to eat after being heated to room temperature just because the sauce is spicy.

I used to believe this. Back in the day this was a reasonable assumption. Somehow spice was hot so it seared the germs. By spice I mean horseradish and ketchup (cocktail sauce).
I'm surprised I'm still alive.
>>9535749
>ex gf's parents use to put broken up chips (crisps) on top of their tuna casserole.
If done right this is magic. One of the few good recipes from the industrial Boomer food age.

Some of the 50s style food I grew up with
>waldorf salad
>Jellos with canned fruit suspended in it
>hot dog casserole with noodles and a can of mushroom soup
>boiled hot dogs and mashed potatoes for the whole meal
>spam
>round steak. A 5mm thick steak with a tiny bone, cooked in a tinfoil with juice, down in the oven broiler.
>no spices at all, ever.
>get yelled at for asking to have prime rib cooked medium rare once I worked at a restaurant and saw how it was done
>canned fruit on cottage cheese
That said my parents and family made the best with what they learned.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 01:45:18 2017 No.9539427

>>9537901
Collecting ingredients for a proper recipe is beyond me. That 4$ spice jar might as well be 100$ when I have to price shop per pound. That 20lb bag of rice I have will get me through any hard times this year. My meat is cheap and random not by my planning but by sale, I do not think... i need a shepherd pie. .. i will get the ingredients from the store. No i look in my cabinet and think. Maybe i can vaguely fake something Shepard pie with ground meat, rice, and a can of beets.
I will at least think of shepard pie while i shovel my slop in.
I may humm in false joy to myself to hype up the dissociation and feel ok about it.
Im not in poverty after all...
I dont qualify for food stamps, and have a fulltime job.
I cannot yet crush the flame of optimism, It hurts the sweet ache of hope.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 01:48:47 2017 No.9539432 >be at Grandma >She made brandade >served to family >everybody tries it >it's fucking sugary as fuck >"Well there was too much salt so I compensated with sugar"

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 02:05:28 2017 No.9539470 >>9535737 spaghetti is SHIT linguine forEVER FUCK YOU!!!

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 02:35:44 2017 No.9539531 >>9539470 Dude spagoodlers for lyfe you fuck

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 02:43:03 2017 No.9539548 >>9539293 is it gross that i add cottage cheese to my canned tuna

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 04:33:57 2017 No.9539729

>>9534041
this is true, my 8 year old will say anything to get out of eating as it takes up valuable playing time, now days I just stand and stare at him till he finishes, go ahead small child, I have that little to do I will stand here for an hour and make you eat

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 04:44:27 2017 No.9539743 File: 65 KB, 500x534, 1506529351421.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9533317 I get this joke.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 04:50:26 2017 No.9539753 My mom used to make spaghetti with canned sauce with her signature twist which was a bunch of diced green peppers that were still half crunchy and enough white sugar to qualify the pasta as a dessert

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 05:08:06 2017 No.9539774 File: 16 KB, 500x457, drawn-llama-cartoon-5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9535862 You seem to have a positive outlook on life.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 05:09:54 2017 No.9539782 >>9535865 >neutralized carrots I have a new descriptor added to my lexicon.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 05:19:23 2017 No.9539798 >>9536572 Thats a bummer man. Im starting to think that french bread made without challa or texas toast is just a waste of time.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 05:54:23 2017 No.9539852

Pasta with sausage.

My mother *can* cook well, but is lazy and rather frugal. Her idea of a full meal was to slice a little of cheap sausage, roast the slices and dump them along with all the (lots of) fat that melted off the sausage on top of a heap of plain pasta.

The bland oily pasta was something I just couldn't stomach, the small scorchies of sausage didn't save it.

Also, if you have a soup she made for lunch, you can expect the chicken leg she had used to make the stock with for supper. Just plain chicken with most of flavor lost to the stock, no seasonings other than whatever you choose to add, and some bread to help fill you up. Soups are okay though.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 06:14:23 2017 No.9539892 File: 38 KB, 717x769, 1502156960563.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9539729 >be a good boy and eat my dick lil' fella

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 06:15:20 2017 No.9539894 >>9521867 You want spaghetti horror? My grandma cooked the spaghetti in the Bolognese sauce. She put the uncooked spaghetti in the sauce a few minutes before the sauce was done. She said she didn't like spaghetti much.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 06:46:54 2017 No.9539961

>>9535645
>So, she's got this very strange combination of traits wherein she's terrified of failure, but also is incapable of learning because she rejects any criticism as an attack on her person.

>>9535707
>one partner is incapable of accepting help, because they're terrified of being seen as a failure, or [...] have projected their sense of self worth onto a small set of chores and simple tasks [...], that any assertion they're not doing it perfectly is basically attacking their very soul
How do I prevent the gf and I to turn like your grandparents?
pls help

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 07:07:40 2017 No.9539993

Hearing all of these stories makes me glad I grew with a chef for a father.
>have dad that makes amazing food
>have uncle that also makes amazing food, but he prefers to make seafood which I dislike
>have aunt that does alright cooking (I used to think it was horrible until I went with my brother to his friend's house for christmas)
>brother's friend's family made lots of mexican food
>nothing has any taste
>everything is bland except for the desserts, which were bought from the store
>we leave and go to our aunt's house later
>since we are mexican, they also made the same exact food
>but this actually had flavor
>I never thought I'd be happy to eat my aunt's cooking

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 07:28:38 2017 No.9540025 >>9536135 Looks ok, but could use some gravy

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 07:30:56 2017 No.9540028 >>9536888 Mate, cayenne pepper in bolognese? I reckon your mum is probably a better cook than you are.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 07:37:54 2017 No.9540040 >>9539894 >Reddit spacing

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 07:40:59 2017 No.9540046

>Mom is really only a passable cook but an absolutely top-tier baker
>Dad is breddy gud at cooking some stuff (especially breakfasts) but bachelor-tier when it comes to using leftovers
>Grandma 1 never liked cooking and was apparently never really good at it and has pretty much been eating out or buying ready-to-eat food for 25 years now so the grandkids always got taken out to eat when they flew out on vacation
>Grandma 2 was a great cook but really only cooked on special occasions since the 70s so the grandkids got taken out to eat or dad grilled chicken and hot dogs in the backyard when they flew out on vacation

How the fuck do you people have such shitty families? I always thought my folks were mediocre but compared to you sad sacks it's like my parents were Jacques and Julia.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 08:27:17 2017 No.9540119 My dad's specialty >slice of toast >tuna >yesterdays pasta sauce >crab paste from IKEA >mustard >ketchup Stack em up and enjoy

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 09:14:02 2017 No.9540193 >>9540040 Not him, it's nothing to do with reddit. Some people just have the reply box the standard size, and so it can appear to the writer that the text is more bunched up than it will read once the post is sent.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 09:27:17 2017 No.9540222 >>9540193 "Reddit spacing" hasn't even been a thing until this last year. Everybody just typed posts and nobody gave a shit. Whoever these fucking retards are need to die.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 10:18:36 2017 No.9540344 >>9539293 >The only way cheese and fish mix is when you make a tuna casserole with some cheese on top to crisp up what about anchovies in pizza?

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 10:23:55 2017 No.9540361 >>9539961 talk to her about that shit anon it's the only way

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 10:33:35 2017 No.9540386 >kid, like 7 years old >mom takes me to Wendy's >burger tastes funny >mom thinks I'm being picky and tells me to just eat >she finally looks at my burger >the meat is fucking raw it

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 11:04:40 2017 No.9540462 >>9540386 shit that's fucking nasty

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 12:03:42 2017 No.9540703

>>9539729
>>9539729
WTF it takes you an hour to force your kid to eat? You're either trying to make your kid obese or you're a terrible cook. Keep in mind children around his age should only be eating about 1200 cal/day, don't force him to eat adult amounts.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 12:07:52 2017 No.9540717 >>9522355 >magots in the rice when I was like 11 >didnt eat rice for like 3 years after that

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 13:38:23 2017 No.9541007 File: 3.90 MB, 3564x9954, 1467354423916.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 13:40:05 2017 No.9541012 >>9539782 Neutralized carrots pair well with activated almonds.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 13:41:56 2017 No.9541016 >>9522382 underrated

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 13:56:51 2017 No.9541067 >Friend tried to make spaghetti w/ basil pesto >He dumped the entire, untouched pesto jar into cooked noodles and stirred it around Tasted like I was eating dirt.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 14:07:18 2017 No.9541101 File: 91 KB, 723x691, 1475948772478.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9521867 >Pasta is left in the pot of water

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 14:13:58 2017 No.9541119
File: 57 KB, 694x383, noma ants on a stick.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9522355
Danish restuarant Noma, twice named worlds best restaurant, served ants for a while.
Unknowingly you had a taste of a 200$ multiawardwinning culinary masterpiece.
You ungrateful fuck

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 14:19:13 2017 No.9541135 File: 48 KB, 492x449, 1500400929192.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9524801 >they were grey and tough. The only seasoning on it was black pepper. Imagine chewing on a rubber eraser I had repressed this memory for a reason anon

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 14:52:03 2017 No.9541246 >>9535626 Palečku?

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 15:03:52 2017 No.9541275 Does anyone have the one with the fatty and the "french fries" he made himself

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 15:13:12 2017 No.9541299
File: 307 KB, 960x720, 266normal[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>lived in a big flat with my sister, parents and grandparents, with uncle occasionally staying
>doesn't work well
>everyone arguing all the time, going mental
>feel like I've stayed in that submarine for far too long
>puberty hits hard (15 yo) and I start having anger outbursts
>always take it out on grandma because she keeps giving me shit
>to illustrate: come home from school, don't even change clothes, help her around the kitchen, fix a broken handle above sink or something
>it was a terrible fucking day at school, so I can't wait to just go to my room and collapse
>the moment I sit down she calls me to come again about some dumb shit
>FFFFFFFFFfffffffff

>she cooks around 60% of food for the family
>I have to say - and I feel guilty about it - all terrible but for her pastry and doughnuts
>schnitzels so dry and tough you had to fight them
>Neapolitan sauce tastes like fried flour and has pastel orange color

Gears shift, I move away and only come to visit once in a month, my parents move away as well so grandparents now live on their own:
>turns out I was just being a tremendous faggot and grandma is the nicest person ever
>caring, loving, always trying to give me money, asking me what food I want cooked, always trying to hold the family together, loves to talk with me
>her cooking slightly improved
>I feel a deep, saddening guilt whenever I think about my mindset and how I treated her back then

pls forgive me

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 15:28:13 2017 No.9541338 >>9539293 >boiled hot dogs and mashed potatoes Bangerz and mashhhhhh

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 16:08:32 2017 No.9541494

When I was maybe 13 years old I was visiting a friend of mine, I'd known him for years but his parents had recently gotten back together, so it was the first time I was visiting him in that house and with both his parents. We were eating something completely regular for dinner, I don't remember what it was, but something like meatballs or something (I'm Norwegian). There was a bowl of chips or crisps or whatever you call it on the table, and I just kind of assumed it was something they had forgotten to remove. But his father took a handful of them and put on his plate and said "help yourself to some chips kid, it's part of the meal!!!". I didn't help myself to any because I thought it was too weird. In case you're from some weird place where it works differently, chips is exclusively eaten as a treat in Norway.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:01:31 2017 No.9541636 >>9535797 >tfw you finally realize every single fight that happens between your paternal relatives leads back to misinformation coming from grandma >she's been pitting us against each other and watching us fight for decades Twisted old bitch.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:06:47 2017 No.9541649 >>9541119 I've had ant candy, they're kinda like peppery fingernails. 5/10 would eat again

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:06:59 2017 No.9541650 >>9541299 Not too late to apologize.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:19:55 2017 No.9541690 >>9536739 Can I eat your ass

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:21:11 2017 No.9541698 >>9541690 Yeah sure

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:34:45 2017 No.9541734

>>9522355
>Be a child
>See dead fly in cup mother's cup
>Tells me not to touch it before
>Shrugs and go back to what i was doing
>Next time see mother using cup
>Didn't hear the water running or her indicating she got rid of the fly
>Stare at her for a second before asking if she got rid of the fly before using the cup
>She freezes like a stone before looking at me
>"Anon, you're lying."
>Start trying not to laugh and tell her I'm serious
>She keeps saying i'm lying, while growing even more panicked
>I can't keep in laughter, and tell her I'm not lying
She still doesn't believe me whenever I bring it up now, and I still laugh.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 17:50:38 2017 No.9541772

>>9540703
Do you have kids, or ever had to babysit? Little kids are picky little shits. My 4 year old nephew refuses to eat anything but crackers, cereal, or potato chips. I made dinner for my sister, brother in law, and their kids once, it was just basic chicken alfredo. The kids refused to eat any, saying they didn't like it, even though they never even took a single bite. While trying to bargain with them to eat something, they also claimed they didn't like pasta, cheese, or chicken.
This was all because they know if they hold out long enough, their parents will cave and give them cookies/chips/cereal because they're terrified that they won't eat enough and die.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:02:54 2017 No.9541833 >>9537776 >Meatloaf is always bad Try more meatloaf, oaf

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:07:38 2017 No.9541853 >>9533192 This is a pizza? I thought it was some weird kind of Shepard's Pie

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:18:26 2017 No.9541903 Mother just made macaroni with black olives, cheese amd squeeze bottle pizza sauce.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:33:00 2017 No.9541943

>tfw grew up with parents who both knew how to cook well and liked making exotic stuff
Even my grandparents were all at worst mediocre boomer-bland cooking. The only really bad thing I ever remember being exposed to was my grandmother's "lasagna", which was this liquidy mess of tomato and cheese and was more of a soup than a lasagna. Shit was grody.

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:37:35 2017 No.9541958
File: 1.28 MB, 343x255, disgstd.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>9521825
Father's a great cook, his ramen is absolute shit, and made me not want to spend the night at his place as a child.
>Puts barely any water in the ramen
>Puts milk and cheese in it
>It's just creme, cheesy sludge
>He knows I hate cheese on anything other than pizza at the time, and still gives it to me
>I throw up and he gets mad about it
>"your sisters eat and love it. You're just being picky"
No, it was just disgusting, dad. He'd even give me slices of kraft cheese just because my mom likes that shit. Took my gay, 2nd grade teacher to make me appreciate cheddar cheese (has to be bitter and not melted for me to like it, though).

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:45:10 2017 No.9541985 >>9537349 Wa la

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 18:52:56 2017 No.9542009 >>9541958 >He doesn't like kraft singles melted over his ramen Fag detected

Anonymous Thu Oct 12 19:42:38 2017 No.9542127

>>9541772
Those are other people's kids.

When you have your own kids it's a simple matter of not capitulating to the willpower of a child. Most adults don't have anywhere near the level of reasonableness or dedication. They also, most, can't cook for shit.

Nor do they want to cook.

So there's this trivium of qualities in the modern adult which leaves them incapable of feeding children anything asides chicken nuggets if the kid is willing to put in even 1% the effort the adult is.

Good parents cook well and serve sensible portions and so never have that problem.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 19:58:14 2017 No.9542168 >>9542009 Shit's disgusting, you degenerate.

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 20:06:13 2017 No.9542200 File: 229 KB, 1500x1500, 2013_10_1_1187_007.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9542168 It's delicious

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 20:31:27 2017 No.9542295 File: 77 KB, 621x621, 1503944336660.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9542200 You the kind of negro that will put shredded cheese on bread, and melt it in the microwave. Or put raw egg in your juice. Disgusting

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 20:35:22 2017 No.9542306 File: 21 KB, 229x343, 1488959694419.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9542200 that looks vomit inducing

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 20:37:45 2017 No.9542316 >>9537866 Cheer up, Charlie...

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 21:44:31 2017 No.9542503 File: 170 KB, 1920x1078, maxresdefault.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>9542295 >>9542306 Bumcha limp wristed homos in here

>>	Anonymous Thu Oct 12 22:27:25 2017 No.9542663 >>9521889 >B O O M E R S

>>	Anonymous Fri Oct 13 04:11:34 2017 No.9543422 >>9541494 In America we eat them with sloppy joe or BBQ.

>>	Anonymous Fri Oct 13 05:21:44 2017 No.9543517 bump for more! :D

Anonymous Fri Oct 13 06:58:12 2017 No.9543629

>over at grandma
>distant aunt comes over and makes some potato casserole (don't think thats the word for it , basically just a layer of potatoes , caramelized onions , roux over top , repeat , and put cheese on top of the last layer , fucking delicious )
>grandma tries to make it the next day because she's jealous i liked my aunt's food
>onions are still white , roux is just this slop of half a teaspoon of butter per kilogram of uncooked unseasoned flour
>few weeks later , all this time dad's been finding rotten meats and bread , also she tried to make beef jerky and it's more fungi than meat because she left it inside the wrapper
>she decides to make a feijoada
>mom catches her throwing in ORANGE RIBS (so old the fungus evolved)
>mom throws it in the trash
>grandma actually makes her put it back in after it touched the other rotten meats , cigarette ash , and rotten fruit
>she's also a crazy cat lady , and leaves cans of cat food HER FUCKING CATS DON'T WANT TO EAT and wastes 100 bucks per day atleast on the cans
>weird smell of vinegar EVERYWHERE
>goes to make pasta
>throws in half a bottle of oil
>half a cup of water
sorry for the pun but that was the boiling point for all of us , never ate there again
worst part is im not making any of this up

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/ck/ - Food & Cooking