/fa/ - Fashion

>>12180784
6,5
>>12180825
7
>>12180835
7
>>12180846
6
>>12180939
5.5
>>12180971
7.5
>>12181052
7
>>12181054
7.5

sorry about my quality

I mean, life sometimes makes me happy, life sometimes makes me feel like im actually "someone", that i matter or that people care.
But im just never happy.
I mean i can smile and give a good chuckle.
I can have a big smile from part to part of my face
But thats too much short and momentary
Im never satisfied with anything
Nothing ever is good enough for me and everything bothers me, theres always a downside to everything or simply something bothers me about a certain thing.
Im never satisfied with anyone
Everyone seems fucked up, i always give second thoughts about people on the back of my mind, judging them, rumbling on about anything that will make me feel negative
I mean i have to be honest and say im negative all the time, about every little detail of everything
Whats happiness anyway, feeling like things are good? Things are never good are they.
I have too many high hopes, too many desires when i can't fulfill part of it myself, so thats really ironic isn't it.
I just don't like living at all
I don't like having to wake up, being automaticlly forced to do anything in life at that moment
And i mean sure i have to make anything if i want to live
But i dont want to
So im forced by my thoughts of needing to live because some people make it seem like i actually make a difference here.
Yet i don't, im undesirable, i lie in pictures, i lie in my self-esteem, i lie in my moods, i lie with my expressions and emotions
I just want everything to be perfect, my way, for people to be how i want them to, and i will be rude, judge them until i feel like im more pleased with myself and that it made a difference
But it doesnt, its my own little cycle, its my cycle of trying to get somewhere that i actually just won't get to, and this cycle involves my frustation, it involves the other people too
They also get frustrated, they also get tired of me, they eventually leave me, and those promises of not leaving are broken at my own fault, and im very aware of that
1/