/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>15602381

She doesn't have to drug me to make me consent.

I mean if she wants to lace something with an aphrodisiac that's awesome, but just ask.

Look out we need an adult

>>15431971
I just want the OPs to return back to the way they used to be.

>>14529228
>>14529288
>>14529318
>She pulls you in the room, and continues to grin ecstatically at you
>"Oh, this is so great, we have the whole mansion to ourselves!"
>She then does an exaggerated gasp
>"You know what we have to do?"
>You don't have to do anything, but you entertain her question regardless
>"You know that one scene from that one movie where that guy's parents leave the house and he's home alone and he plays "Old Time of Rock and Roll" and dances to it in his underwear, shirt, and socks?"
>"I want to do that!"
>You tell her that's not the brightest idea for several reasons, one being she has no legs to dance with or wear socks, and the second being it'd be smarter to go ahead and get your mission here over with so you can leave before the Pharaoh comes back
>Your boss pouts for a moment, then sighs as she, in a very rare occasion, admits you're right
>"Fine then. Let's go and... Mess up Christmas here."
>You follow behind her as she leads the way, slithering her way to the kitchen, a very upper-class and posh one
>Lifting herself up on her tail, she begins to rummage through the cabinets, carelessly tossing out various boxes and the occasional plastic jar
>"Man Anon, can you believe some of this junk? Look, this thing says "Organic Peanut Butter"? Can you believe that? Only jerks eat organic stuff, you know what I mean?"
>After rambling on to you about how the Pharaoh's taste in food items is worse than her own, she finally gives a loud "Ah-ha!"
>And pulls out a box of cookies, eagerly opening it and shoving a handful of cookies in her mouth
>You stare at her a bit, annoyed she's not taking her own mission seriously
>"What?" She says crumbs coming out of her mouth as she grabs more cookies
>"I'm Santa, and Santa gets all the cookies. She should thank me anyways, they might've gone to waste. Hathor knows that dumb Pharaoh doesn't eat, she might as well be a fucking Skeleton, am I right?"
>She slithers past you and to the Pharaoh's fridge, rummaging through it
>"Now, let's see... Garbage. Garbage. More garbage. Ah-ha! The good stuff."
>She pulls out a few cans of beer
>"Hey, don't look at me like that Anon! It's free food and fun! We can have some free food and still finish up before Pharaoh gets back! Come on, do it for your Ms. Kringle?'
>You know what? Fuck it, if she won't take this seriously, you won't either
>You grab a beer and take a sip, figuring you can handle just one anyways

>. . .

>When the Pharaoh and her husband and daughter arrive home, they find their home trashed, mainly the kitchen, and on their sofa are two passed out figures
>One is a human boy covered in lipstick kisses, and wearing reindeer antlers
>And laying on top of the human boy, pinning him to the couch is a tubby Apophis wearing only a striped nightshirt, white panties, and a sock on the tip of her tail
>The smell of alcohol fills the room as her husband has already begun dialing for an Oni
>It's just like clockwork, every single Christmas
>At least this year the Pharaoh was smart enough to take her family out of the house when they trashed it

Merry Christmas!

>>12754939
>An apophis forcing you to wear a maid outfit and then pushing you down on the bed before whispering "Time to rape the maids."

Oh gosh that sounds wonderful

>>12543678
>>12543683
>>12543685
>Waiting in anticipation for your name to be called, you look in the audience and can't see your family
>You just assume it's because their seats are angled oddly and you can't see them from your perspective
>Though the closer and closer to the stage you get you begin to realize they aren't there
>Though in the very corner you see your college student Lamia girlfriend, just barely
>Finally, your name is called
>As you cross the stage, you look back and see a camera flash come from her seat, followed by her waving her arms up and down trying to make sure she has your attention
>You give a shy thumbs up to her from the stage as you grab your diploma
>After the ceremony when you walk out, you get nearly tackled by her as she hugs you tightly, your face smooshed into her chest, as she strokes your hair and talks about how proud she is of her cute smart little human boy
>Then begins to ask people walking by to take pictures for her of her and you in your graduation robes

I'd just like to remind everyone that none of this shitposting would've happened had you removed Pharaoh. Ignore and Report.

Hello everyone, I'm Ms. Sihpopa, and I believe we should remove Pharaoh!

>>12380246
Pharaoh doesn't rise the suns, it's all a ruse, she isn't a real goddess

I for one wholeheartedly believe that a real goddess should rule over the desert. Not a phony one who owns a snake that can't even produce enough venom to kill an Indian Elephant

>>12337197
I don't see what you find attractive about someone that's flatter than Mr. Game & Watch