/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>"Local Evil Wizard with no morals has reportedly invented new terrifying sterilization spell in his RV that seals vaginas shut, fusing the flesh of the lips at a cellular level and shrinking the genitalia of human men to microscopic proportions, preventing the having of sexual intercourse, all because he quote-on-quote "felt like it", says eyewitnesses to the incident in downtown MGC. This incident, which happened inside a McLim's fast food join, led to locals questioning Mayor Wurm's ability to lead in lieu of her city council's inability to curb the amount of violence perpetuated by the Evil Wizard demographic, with locals questioning how Evil Wizards still exist in the current year even. Mayor Wurm responded, saying ":D" to her detractors in a press conference. In other news, an Order Paladin has robbed another gas station, taking several candy bars in the name of the Chief God and claiming that he quote-on-quote "dabbed all over the Monsters" in doing so."

>Tonight's top story on the disturbing new trend sweeping through MGC's youth: Condoms, and how to keep your kids away from them
>Is YOUR son or daughteru getting their hands on condoms? A recent report has shown a significant uptick in the number of contraceptives confiscated from monsters in MGC.
>Most of this is driven by students at high schools across the city. Authorities say a number of old, smelly hags have infiltrated the school system and disguised themselves as students, and are likely the ones distrubuting condoms.
>It ia unknown why they haven't all been immediately apprehended, as despite these hags universally claiming to be 17 years of age, they all smell like old people and remain hopelessly out of touch with modern teenage lingo.
>Nevertheless, when your son or daughter comes home from high school tomorrow, ensure they haven't brought with them such a vile thing as a condom.
>Thank you for watching 69 MON News.

>>44384641
Last month the notorious monster hater, Anon, blasted himself off into space on a one man vessel to spend the rest of his life on Saturn's moon to escape all the monsters on earth. But it was revealed that the gremlin he stole the rocket from was also taken aboard by mistake, and Anon is now trapped alone in space with the monster. His last transmission: "This is the one thing I didn't want to happen!"

>>44284531
>>44284565
>BREAKING NEWS!
>Local graveyard was emptied of zombies due to a heat wave
>Local lich pleads more people to die so she can restock on minions
>Neighbor towns have sent some of their own zombies in order to help
>So far 3 vans of zombies have been raided in order to secure a "Ice pack/wife" according to one local
>More at 11

>>43763507
She's the finest journalist.

>>43588048
>Anon was found dead last night with a whole eggplant lodged in his esophagus
>I, your ever-reliable anchor Miss Squirrel, call dibs when the local lich revives him