/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>27545671
>There's nothing sexy about women being assaulted
>But with men it's fine
This is why I fucking loathe you milquetoast Starbucks feminist types. Rape is never meant to be sexy outside of fiction. What most anons are talking about when it comes to rape is two people in the throngs of passion smashing their bodies together or having their body smashed into like a wild animal until they're quivering on the floor covered in each other's fluids.

>>17768501
I just quickly perused it, and the first thing I can say is that too many sentences begin with the word "You".

>To call it a being is an affront to the existence of a kind and loving god. No, this thing is a disgusting combination of beings, a thing that should have never been, an abomination. This perversion of nature has to be purged.

You tell us that its very existence is an affront to the existence of a kind and loving god but offer no details as to what it, or in this case, she looks like. What is it about her that angers the protagonist so? What is she doing that's caused him such angst? You've started to tell a story in the middle of a climax with no prologue or triggering event. Which can work, mind you, but you don't offer any idea of what's going on outside of a guy being angry at something he's blatantly racist about.

>It delivers a kick that sends you flying back a few feet. As you’re airborne you catch a glimpse of it’s tail, only a while ago was it a dim light, now it looked like a towering inferno. As you roll to a stop the thing's voice booms at you.
”we’ll do away with the old ways and make new ones. We’ll make a new place ruled by strength with human and monster side by side!“

Together, with those things? You stand and shout back at it

”Bullshit! Your kind has preyed on ours since times long passed. Now that your forms have mutated to look appealing to us, you think we’ll just lay down and surrender!?“

Okay, if monsters are supposed to be stronger baseline than the average human, there's no reason to suspect that the MC would be able to take a kick to the gut without having trouble getting back up. That shit will literally knock the wind out of you and force your abdominals to tense up in pain.

Again, you're telling us what's happening but you're not giving any details of the effects of the melee or what the MC is thinking or feeling at that moment. It's just a dude who's basically autistically screeching after getting kicked by, in your own words, a 'thing'.

Line 46. It's lips and It's tongue should be "Its lip, and its tongue". Simple grammatical error. "It's" is shorthand for "It is", and isn't the proper form to use the word in to express ownership.

I appreciate your effort, and I know I sound like a nitpicky cunt, but proofreading is the best thing you can do before posting a story fresh off the presses. Speaking from experience.

>>17679422
>Do it. Be the bull and steal a man's wife.
Yes, I'm totally going to become the Almighty All-Shitposter and write a riveting story where a forty-year-old, balding, fat, smelly faceless motherfucker rapes an elf and turns her into his sex slave while her beloved human ranger childhood friend and fiancé is blithely ignorant to it. All until she gets finally knocked up with the bastard child of Charles McFatterson.

Grow up or get better taste in fetishes.

So which inactive writers do people wish would do it more?

>>17480198
>Using Schrödinger's vagina unironically
GDI why do you have to do this to me

>>17036712
>Battlefield romance
>Implying anybody wants to read a story during what is now the Lost Civilization Age where a guy piloting what is essentially a Guymelef against a Red Dragon and her army
>Only for them to realize that through all of it, they're just useful for mutual destruction since his and her power makes them a potential threat to everything.
>Only to reunite many reincarnations later,
with their first reaction to battle-fuck
>We're talking tree toppling battle fuck

>>17006062
>Bottom of the totem pole
>An insult
>When the lowest carvings on the totem pole tended to be the most well-carved and decorated
>When vertical alignment and position didn't really mean anything to the Natives