/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Well friends. The day’s tomorrow. I'm going to make or break. Don’t tell me to take my meds; I’ve already come off the other end.

Tomorrow, I’ll see my therapist for the first since quarantine started. I’ll tell her everything that’s been going on. More importantly I’ll tell her about my dream of reaching my oshi. How it all really came about in me. I’m not crazy, don’t worry. I know how absurd it is to want a person you know about but don’t know; you would be right to say it’s hopeless – the point isn’t to find any hope on the outside. And regardless, it wouldn’t be my first chance to go through the double movement: the one who loved me, and I just used; the one who understood me, who just vanished; the one who rejected, after I found one thing to love. Four is indeed a special number.

Those two remind me of each other. At 16 she moved to the other side of the continent by herself and made a new life, and achieved her own happiness. I at my age have done nothing that’s worth sharing breath with that. Women can sometimes put us guys to shame, huh?

I’m not asking you to wish me good luck or anything. I’ve relied on my luck for far too long anyway. Nothing pushed me to be this way. I only managed to break myself in a mildly interesting manner. Now, I can only keep breaking. But this time I can’t let me be the only one that does the breaking.

I’m telling you this because, about this same time this past Monday, I made a promise to you. And for whatever reason, you were foolish enough to not let me be the only one to believe it. You’ll have to believe me again when I say I’ve given the first steps.

>I will not die until I achieve something.
>Even though the ideal is high, I never give in.
>Therefore, I never die with regrets.

Thank you all. And don’t stop.