/jp/ - Otaku Culture

about time bro

Bumping since I wasted too much time to make this..

>>4932413
I am a musician, but I promised mugen I'd help out with his next project thing or whatever.

Something's wrong with her right eye.

Well, it might be a good idea to assess what needs to be done and put things in priority. Some people think it's okay randomly make character designs in the absence of story (due to the fact that there hasn't been an agreement on what story to work on), while others are holding back.

>>4932413
>>4932438
I'd play her route, if you know what I mean

thread is tl;dr an will take a while for me to read
but looks like you guys are making a vn
is it going to be h?

Attention whoring circle jerk go.

FYI, don't be to hard on yourself. You could be building a functional portal to Gensokyo and /jp/ would still bitch at you.
Sage for irrelevant comment.

>>4932465

I'm going to stop using the tripcode until new threads start.
Then hopefully it won't seem so much like that.
I only want to show that there's more than one person here, or likely more than one person here..
Also, I linked the wrong thread... But... That's probably a good thing...

>>4932486
Quit using ellipses you fucking retard.

>>4932108
>>4932139
>Not bad, let me take it and work on it a bit.
Delivered.

>>4932445
Ah! Hello there!... if you feel like helping/contributing/joining a project please do not worry about us... we are still focused on debbugging the merchant system and won't be ready for another two weeks or so.

To you VN guys!... Uncle Mugen here wishing you more power and sending you my motivation powers so you could use it while cheering from the sidelines...

>>4932413
I'm the shitty drawfag from earlier, who posted the first design and the two cleaned up ones.

I know I'm absolutely horrible, but I'm still interested in this. Gotta sleep soon, though.

>>4932515
Nice, though I preferred the original one which doesn't look as moeblob-ish. By the way, for those who don't want to scour the old threads, I'm throwing up all the art bits into this gallery: http://s810.photobucket.com/albums/zz21/Anon02/jp%20VN%20Gallery/

>>4932515
The ratio head:body seems wrong.

>>4932519
>OP suddenly disappears
>mugen suddenly appears

Coincidence? I think not

Should make an irc or something

>>4932553
Haha, sorry, I like to draw moe. Feel free to take it and redraw the face.

>>4932515
It would probably look better if the neck was thinner.

>>4932519
MOTHERFUCKER YOU ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD, knew you were that faggot. Ok well I guess it became kind of obvious after a while, but still, feels good man.

You guys should create a irc channel and discuss it there. Much better for all of us.

I am still here and still interested.

>>4932580
No. Not much better for "us." Maybe better for YOU. Don't speak for other people. Hide the thread if you don't like it.

maybe you guys could use 3dcustom girl for the art?

>>4932585
whoa whoa whoa... don't be so mad. I actually am following these threads and trying to help somehow, and I still think a irc channel is better especially because of haters bothering here.

-Nothing- wrong with the threads

It'll just be way easier for you to communicate and transfer ideas

>>4932590
If you provide the screenshots, I can fix them to look more VN like.

>>4932590

>>4932585
I wouldn't completely disagree with his proposition however. No matter how I look at it, if you want the project to have a chance of success, it will have to move off /jp/ sooner or later. You will need a stable place that doesn't move as fast as here, otherwise it'll get difficult to keep track of things, especially when idle times happen.

Anyway, what do people want to do for the story anyway? I mean, who is supportive of the original story idea anyway, the one about the MC being a shut-in and somehow encountering the girl with the character design in the OP picture? You guys have to clear this up soon since things are so directionless at the moment.

>>4932551
Fuck you, I prefer moeblobs.

>>4932451
This.

>>4932628
We do have http://bunbunmaru.com/kareha/projects/kareha.pl/1271816205/l50, http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0, and possibly http://www.stack.nl/~vdz/oc/wakaba/wakaba.html if needed. But since there's barely a semblance of a plot put together right now, not much point in using them.

>>4932572
Delivered.

>>4932663
draw her with a cock in her mouth so we know if this is worth the effort

>>4932601
it's not hard at all to make them "vn like" but the basic character designs should be settled on before any artwork and/or screenshots are made

>>4932656
>>bun

this project is now doomed to fail

>>4932628
Let me rephrase that more specifically: Of the people who still have interest in collaboratively making a VN, are you supportive of the general idea about "a shut-in MC somehow encountering the main girl, possibly because she works as a delivery person"? The only thing worse than working on an idea that the audience doesn't like is working on an idea that the makers don't like either.

>>4932683
Actually there should be a consensus on the game engine and plot before there are even character designs.

>>4932694
I like that, but honestly, as long as it involves the two characters we've seen already, I'm fine.

>>4932697
Actually, you're probably right.

>>4932720
Meant to reply to
>>4932713

What is with all this bitching? Is this all you can do?

Let me point something out that is going to be the entire basis of the success (or lack of it) in this project. Do the writing first! I'm not saying you have to make all the dialogue, names, character designs, and whatever else at the start, but you need to flesh out the basic plot at the start. At the very least, you need to decide on a genre. If you keep on this half-assed pussyfooting around ideas garbage you will NOT finish this. Hell, I'm starting to have doubts that you will obtain it.

Another thing I'd let to mention is that the story does not have to have one writer. Just about everyone on /jp/ with a basic understanding of the English language can at least attempt to contribute to the plot of this story.

What we need now are basic ideas. If anyone has anything that they think would make for a good story then go ahead and post it. Who cares if /jp/ insults it for you? Since when has /jp/'s opinion been worth a sack of shit?

Also, could we please stop with these infantile plot descriptions? Simply saying "the girl meets a shut in and they have sex for some unapparent reason," does not make a story. We need something more concrete. What are the circumstances in their meeting? What keeps the girl around? How can we create tension, romance, or comedy through their dialogue?

Basically, we need to stop talking and start thinking.

>>4932663
Looking better. Actually, I think it's probably the whole head area maybe looking a bit wider than her build seems to suggest that's kind of throwing me off. Or maybe it's just too much of a contrast with the rather waifish original.

What is with all this bitching? Is this all you can do?

Let me point something out that is going to be the entire basis of the success (or lack of it) in this project. Do the writing first! I'm not saying you have to make all the dialogue, names, character designs, and whatever else at the start, but you need to flesh out the basic plot at the start. At the very least, you need to decide on a genre. If you keep up this half-assed pussyfooting around garbage you will NOT finish this. Hell, I'm starting to have doubts that you will even start it.

Another thing I'd let to mention is that the story does not have to have one writer. Just about everyone on /jp/ with a basic understanding of the English language can at least attempt to contribute to the plot of this story. What we need now are basic ideas. If anyone has anything that they think would make for a good story then go ahead and post it. Who cares if /jp/ insults it for you? Since when has /jp/'s opinion been worth a sack of shit?

Also, could we please stop with these infantile plot descriptions? Simply saying "the girl meets a shut in and they have sex for some unapparent reason," does not make a story. We need something more concrete. What are the circumstances in their meeting? What keeps the girl around? How can we create tension, romance, or comedy through their dialogue?

Basically, we need to stop talking and start thinking.

(If anyone's wondering, I deleted and then reposted this since I typed it far too quickly and made a few spots indiscernible.)

>>4932726
By "waifish" do you mean "eye searing"?

First point of organization, the previous thread was (>>4930097).

>>4932697
That's a good point.

!Rom/nRRrOI, are you still around? You didn't give an answer when I asked how familiar you were with VN engines. I'm loath to say this but the two engines with English documentation are ONScripter and Ren'Py. I guess the latter is probably the option you guys should use, but in that case someone had better fix the menus because the default options look terrible.

>>4932663
It's okay.
Though the head is a bit odd, I think we can just use this for now.

And I'm still thinking..
What kind of setting do the characters live in and how, if they even know each other, are they associated with each other?

Maybe if we find out a bit about this, we can develop more of a plot.
Also, someone really needs to do the MC.

>>4932765
MC is a misogynist with lolicon tendencies

>>4932753
ONScripter is probably the easier one to use, though the documentation is still kind of confusing at parts (especially if you want to do some more of the fancier stuff), and it's definitely going to be harder to get tech support on it.
Ren'py I have not used, but since it is relatively widespread and does have a pretty decent support forum, might be the preferable choice.
Not going to recommend KiriKiri cause very few people seem to know how to use it here, no native/ported english version, and it's probably going to be overkill for the scope of the project.

Agreed, we don't need all these pretty pictures yet. A story comes first, along with characters. It's impossible to do one without the other.

>>4932755
If I haven't change what's "odd" about it, that means I don't see it. Point it out, and I'll see what I can do.

>>4932765
Yeah, I'm liking that idea better than the chance encounter one. Feels less gimmicky, though it will probably be harder to write for initially.

>>4932785
This is certainly doable, but we can't go on that alone. First we should probably define the setting. Is the MC going to be a hikkikomori/NEET/whatever? If this is the case, then I can sorta understand the whole delivery scenario. Maybe she acts completely normal with him unlike other people who would find him weird (his appearance could be off because he hasn't cleaned up in a while), and she tells him that there's an open part time job where she works. Out of pure impulse he decides to do it and there deliveries have them meet the other characters in the story. It seems kinda bland but that's just something off the top of my head.

>>4932811

Not a fucking chance. Think more she delivers whatever she does then goes away because the MC is such a pussy (believable), then he starts thinking about her because his waifu got defiled. He then orders something else from the same place with hopes to see her again. etc etc

>>4932811
I like that, but how about she asks him to go work there, and since he's so socially retarded all he can do is agree? Just going for the hell of it seems too lucky,

>>4932713
That's settled then. I'm not convinced that people are completely opposed to the barebones idea, but the whole thing about how they meet when "she delivers an onahole" is silly.

Again, looking at thing from another angle, are people opposed to the framework suggested in (>>4930518)? (Summary: MC is (probably a socially awkward person) going to college after many years of online schooling, and there he meets the female protagonists. The focus is more thematic, about what constitutes a "fulfilling life", and each heroine's path can represent a different answer to that question.)

The idea is more serious without the humor of the "dakimakura threesomes!" ending (or would that be the ending for the main girl regardless?), but maybe it's something you guys can actually start working off of.

>>4932826
You just described the first volume of Scott Pilgrim, bro.

So the plot is something vague like the MC being a hiki whos parents died, running out of money, and has a last chance at something in life by doing a bunch of exams and earning a scholarship. He wastes his time playing VN's and browsing /jp/, with five days to spare he frantically posts to /jp/ for advice on how to cram...

He fails. Okay, now he was planning on killing himself, but instead he gets an idea on how to set up a game company and live out in an abandoned warehouse. He posts to /jp/ with his idea because he has nothing to lose, cue entrance of /jp/ girl who is a drawfag. And I guess he meets church girl while out in the abandoned warehouse, since she wants to help the poor or some crap. Her route is NTR as she gets caught up in the bro orgy that develops as the anons in the warehouse get out of control.

>>4932857
That really makes me laugh, though I doubt in a serious tone it could work.

>>4932844

Haven't read it sorry.

>>4932857
Hah, well. It does get back to the roots.

>>4932857
>warehouse

I like it already.

>>4932863
Don't do it in a serious tone then

>>4932863
I can only see that working as a short, "random" VN like OMGWTFOTL, where nothing should be taken seriously.

In all honesty, that's probably the standard people should be aiming for on a first VN attempt. Something not terribly long and generally light-hearted.

>>4932889
>not terribly long and lighthearted
Church girl route and dakimakura threesome route.

Done.

>>4932889
I guess I can agree to this then. As long as we're thinking of this as the "first" collaborative VN (disregarding DG), I don't mind making it short/lighthearted. If we can come to a consensus that this is what we should do, we can start fleshing out ideas now before the (little) momentum falls apart.

>>4932790
It's hard to say.. The eyebrows, eyes and shoulders don't seem to fit together very well.. I don't know.
But I think it's pretty good.
Maybe it doesn't need improvement.

Start small, figure out what the fuck you're actually doing. Get experience, learn how to do things the right way.


THEN make something more serious

>>4932899
Well then. Who wants to work on that then?

>>4932904

It has to be short and lighthearted. There is no chance that any of us would have the motivation to finish a long VN. One route is plenty, two at the most. We have two main heroines let's go with that.

>>4932899

Sounds good. Keep it short, sweet and to the point. I can't help with shit, but I'd play it.

>>4932411
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>>4932909
I think it's fine, but I'm worried about sex scenes. We only have one drawfriend right now (as far as I can tell from the threads), and I don't know if he'd be quite up to the task of making them (I guess if he could try to make an example, we could judge that).

>>4932787
Lets just take the easiest option without stressing about effects and special features. Simple reason why is rapid iteration of prototypes.

>>4932857
I will admit, hat's a nice metaphor on all that has occurred in these threads.

>>4932919

Can we at least make a non-ero version, one where they hug and kiss with fairies and rainbows and elephants and shit?

Well, since we have so many variations on the basic ideas, we can always have a crazy meta game and work as many in as we can (provided there are enough writers interested in developing each "route"). And then throw in some metaphysical explanation about how they all fit together, and you could have a pretty interesting end product.

>>4932934

>elephants

Gay route?

>>4932935
That sounds kinda interesting, but I really do believe we should start small right now. Let's just see if we can pull off two routes or so. If it works out, then we can recruit more pals from /jp/ to help us work on another one. Right now it simply looks like we're going to fail, and I can't really blame people for seeing it that way.

Good end: /jp/ girl is really a /jp/ boy

>>4932919
Some other guy suggested us to use 3dcustomgirl to make the "template" for the pics. I can then simply fix those template to look like VN ones.

>>4932919
That can wait.

Alright! It looks like there's a sort of general consensus right now (perhaps born out of desperation, but still). It looks like the idea to work from will be (>>4932857) and the two heroines/routes have already been determined. At this point the writer (or writers) should probably try to work with each other to decide on details like character personalities/histories, the actual setting (since it isn't serious, you could go with a warehouse in the middle of Texas or some other remote location as was suggested in the original "/jp/ should find a warehouse to make a company" thread). In the meantime, it's good to decide on a VN engine. If you want to have fancy animation and transition effects you might want to use Ren'Py then (even though I am personally biased against it). It's important to decide on a VN engine since it's best for the writers to be at least somewhat familiar with the engine they're working with.

>>4932950

>>4932950
Her name is Chisame?

>>4932960
I regret to say that I really know nothing about the different VN engines available. Perhaps you could give us a simple description of them, if you're knowledgeable. You seem to know what you're doing in that regard, though, so I'd be fine with whatever you suggest.

On the IRC

On Rizon, there is #/jp/ if you want to use that,

Or if you want something more private go to #/jp/creations or something

Well, I'm going to sleep. I don't think I'm all that good at writing, but I want the project to advance so I'll try to contribute something tomorrow, I guess. I encourage everyone else to try something too. Even small efforts might help us in the end.

>>4932981
It shouldn't be too hard to make one of our own. But that will probably end up taking months regardless. For now we should just go for one that is simple and easy to use, no fuss, quick setup that lets us do quick and dirty prototyping. The worst case scenario is we have to port from a shit engine to a decent one, but our game assets are basically images, text, and sound files anyway.

are we marketing this to japan? If so be sure to put lots of American flag everywhere. That's the only way it'll sell.

>>4932981
I've worked with ONScripter, but not Ren'Py. The reason I dislike the latter is because the default menus look really bad. Also, there are a lot of features in it most people will never use that take up space.

It's hard to explain, but ONScripter is just harder to customize. I struggled to learn how to make just a title screen, for instance, but I'm no programmer so it might be easier for other people to pick up quickly. I think the scripting language is probably less intuitive to newcomers as well, yet it's important for the writers to learn the gist of it.

Okay, we really need to find a way to document all of this...

>>4933016
/prog/rammer here, I'll take a look at it ONscripter then.

>>4933028
Start here by downloading ONScripter from: http://onscripter.denpa.mobi/

Here's the handy reference guide: http://onscripter.denpa.mobi/api/NScrAPI-framed.xml

I could try to quickly whip up a custom 0.txt for you guys.

>>4933023
Nevermind; I just found out about easymodo.

>>4933012

I'm pretty sure we're just doing this out of boredom.

>>4933028
http://onscripter.denpa.mobi/
Here's the site with the latest ONScripter builds, and also the more up to date reference. Most of it is pretty straightforward, though I couldn't figure out how to do the "plugin-based" .dll layer effects. Not that we'll probably be needing it, though I think that one of them is what Umineko used for the rain effect.

How to approximate the probability of /jp/ actually making a VN:
>88 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
>326 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
>325 posts and 16 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

# of concept art / (# of DERP DERP WORDS - # of concept art)

11/742 = .014

this is not how you make a VN

At this point, although I fear the people who actually intend to work on this are not here (e.g. went to sleep), it might be time to have a codename for the project instead of constantly referring to it as "/jp/ VN". However, I guess since the idea has truly yet to be fleshed out that might be difficult. Well, it'll be something to consider in due time.

>>4933078

You don't write a fucking book with pictures.

>>4933080

I'm in favour for warehouse

>>4933078
>implying having more random concept art will improve it's chances in place of actual discussion of what the VN will be

>>4933078
I might have agreed with you in the first and second threads, but this one has actually been productive.

>>4933093

First thread was good, second was good, third was fucking terrible, and this one is good.

>>4933078
Forgot to subtract. The real result is around .015.

>>4933081
>>4933086
So you're writing a book now?

>>4933093
>>4933102
By all means, please prove me wrong. I'll be watching.

>>4933083
Warehouse Days?

>>4933107

We are writing a book in fact. If you draw a comic do you make up the story first or start drawing random fucking shit all over the place? At least we have one up on you faggot.

>>4933102
Ah, sorry. I thought there were only three threads. I must have somehow missed one. Anyway, yeah the first was moderately acceptable and the second was godawful. The problem with the earlier threads is that they were filled with reckless idealism and a lack of anything concrete. I think we're starting to move to actually making some decisions about the story, characters, and basically what we're going to do with the whole thing. If we can keep this momentum up, I think there might actually be a slim chance we will complete it. Here's hoping for the best.

>>4933118
Sorry, again, by second I meant third. It's about time I get some sleep.

Since it looks like ONScripter is up for consideration, please take a look at the third post here: http://jpproject.2ksite.com/onscripter-coding-guides--t24.html

Anon1's basic guide is helpful, although many of the items he put in the definition block were optional and could have been omitted. More importantly, potential writers should pay attention to instructions on scripting such as using ` (the backwards apostrophe, located on the same key as "~") to start new lines, @ signs for pauses in the middle of paragraphs/sentences, and \ for line breaks.

Do we have any writers working on it now? I'll try making something up to start with, that way we're at least taking a step forward. From that we can choose to build off it or trash it completely.

>>4933143
considering /jp/ has generally low motivation it would probably be better if someone just typed out the story/dialogue normally then have someone else edit it into ONScripter so the writer doesn't get frustrated

>>4933080
Personally, I think it'd be more serious looking if we don't mention /jp/ in the game.

1. VN name: Not yet decided
2. Plot: The MC is a hiki whose parents died, and had been living off his inheritance. He wasted most of his youth and money just browsing the internet and sleeping the days away. In his late 20s, he realize he is starting to run out of money and he was eventually kicked out of his house. Wandering around the streets like a hobo, he was close to planning on killing himself. Luckily, a church girl spotted him, and takes him to a homeless shelter (warehouse) where he meets other homeless people. Initially, he is a moocher, but as he interacts with other characters, he begins to change and help "work" for his meals.
3. Characters: MC, Artistic girl (Chisame?), church girl, few faceless homeless people
4. Route: Artistic girl route, Church girl route, Harem route
5. Ends: Good end (artistic), Good end (church girl), Bad end x30, Harem End

>>4933162
That's true. A tip to (potential) writers once this picks up, if you don't want anything to do with learning how to use ONScripter and instead have a programmer do the work of inserting the script, then you will need t write the script in a play-like format, giving cues such as which sprites, backgrounds, sfx, and music to use, as well as when and where, not to mention transitions. Don't be overwhelmed now, it's just something that will come up eventually.

Well, about completing it.. You see, I will admit there's a problem here.
At the moment we are trying to complete something that isn't there.
We need to find a plot... We really, really do..
I should've noticed this when we started.
Without a plot, we're not really doing anything.

The warehouse of the first thread.. I wonder if we could somehow use the idea of a warehouse...
I mean, I don't know. We don't have anything right now..
KS (not that I like it) had to start with a background of some kind.. it had characters and a setting.
We don't really have anything, in fact, we're still waiting for something.
I thought I'd be able to come up with a plot upon being inspired after coming up with characters, but see, that's still a problem.
Really, you'd normally start by thinking up the plot...

But I still think it would be interesting to see so if we can do this.
Just coming up with characters, I mean, sure it can help me think of something, but as far as being collaborative, this really is the long path...

>>4933117
Concept art is not "random shit all over the place".

I'm not saying a discussion of the story is bad, or even counterproductive at all. I just found it funny that it's comically unproportional to the amount of actual drawing for something that purports to be a VISUAL novel.

There's no reason why the two shouldn't be produced concurrently.

But I'll back off now. It seems some of you are actually serious about it, so let's leave it at that.

>>4933171
(>>4933083)'s suggestion works. You guys can just refer to it as "warehouse" or "warehouse VN" from now on (until an actual title is thought up), it's quite easy to remember as well as a nod to its roots.

>>4933171

Story. Right here. Fucking do it. Stop bullshitting around.

>>4933171
I like this plot, but where does the other girl come in?

Also Does the MC really need a sprite? we could always do it 3rd person and not actually show what he looks like.

>>4933177
Ugh, just shut up already. It's obvious that leadership is a hopeless role for you to fill out.

While you were off doing who-knows-what, a general story was already decided on (see >>4933171), and the project was decided (or more like declared) to be humorous, light-hearted, and relatively short.

You should be able to work from that premise now and start brainstorming some details. If you intend to still write, there's going to have to be an editor/translator as well.

>>4933171
To add on, I suggest we name this work "Unmei desu ka?"/"運命ですか？"/"Is it fate?"

>>4933171

Has it down.

I'm one of the neets/hikis that interested in this. I'm no writer, nor have I been drawing very long. But I'll start a little write up later in the evening after I finish a few other things.

But make sure that if you want to write, write. It'll be a lot easier and have a lot more of variety ifs there's multiple people writing.

Doesn't help I have shitty grammar/spelling ;_;

I'll start in a bit

>>4933171
Nice to see someone take the initiative. Keep it up guys, I'm curious to see where this goes.

>>4933207
As of right now, there's only two routes; the church girl and artistic girl. MC meets the church girl who found him on the street and led him to the shelter, and the artistic girl is already in the homeless shelter. Problem solved.

>>4933207
As of right now, there's only three routes; the church girl and artistic girl, and harem end route. MC meets the church girl who found him on the street and led him to the shelter, and the artistic girl is already in the homeless shelter. Problem solved.

Since activity appears to be dying down, how do you suggest people interested in participating should reconvene? I'm not certain if this thread will last the night, although it probably will.

>>4933279

It will last the night, we agreed on 7PM PST for threads to be made, but that didn't really turn out for whatever reason (with terrible results). Someone just make a thread tomorrow.

I just finished reading through everything I have missed, and I think what you guys have come up with sounds pretty good.

>>4933279
This thread will probably be alive, and if not someone will have probably make a new thread and linked to it from here. Check search easymodo a bit if you can't find anything.
(Maybe we should consider setting up a irc channel soon.)

http://pastebin.com/7SBgtaB8

Here, we can work off of this. It's shit but it's a start.

Hopefully since someone has actually started writing it'll motivate others to work too. Go ahead and improve/make your own/do whatever.

>>4933307
I personally dislike the idea of an IRC channel because it runs into the problem of people having different schedules. Also, I don't want to idle in some IRC channel because I don't actually intend to contribute to this project. I'm just trying to keep it from dying before it even got started.

It's troublesome that right now there's a Kureha 1 thread and a thread on /projects/. For sure, determining an "official" gathering place will soon have to be addressed.

doesn't /jp/ want to take anything seriously?

>>4933354
A good start, but it seems a bit weird that when MC just gets up and leaves when the person comes to the door.
I think it would feel more natural if he had to be physically thrown out.

>>4933362
I just figured it would help us keep track of where the newest thread was. I guess it is probably a bit overkill at this point.

>>4932840
>>4932857
>>4932960
>>4933171
This seems to be a good general consensus. The ideas for >>4932857 I just got from these threads and a few of others this month. I say use the abundant source material of the /jp/ archive for plot hooks to ground our work and not be too pretentious.

Also, /prog/rammer here. Thanks to the tips for ONscripter, I was trying to figure out how it worked and then noticed it was open source. That makes things so much easier and basically lets us add our own core functionality, effects, and whatever we need; that's if we even get that far or need it.

>>4933416
Americans are now sleeping soundly. Please watch warmly until they get up in a few hours.

so you guys need a writer?

>>4933354

Sure sounds like nasu to me

>>4933474
Sure. It's not going to hurt even if you just do some quick drafts. But make sure you read the archive to keep it in line with everything else.

What is a Chisame?

>>ONScripter

Laughing /jp/ers.jpg

>>4933534
This, seriously. Why bother learning anything when you can just use renpy? Sure it looks like shit but it can't be much worse than the project itself.

Was there any deciding on the setting? North America or Japan?

It doesn't really matter for the most part, but just for future reference

can we have a trap route too?

>>4933586

This is mainly depends on how many people are going to work on it and how much they're willing to do. Writing one shouldn't be difficult, but I have no idea on the programing/art side of it.

Unless we want a twist end for Artistic girl

>>4933544
It's not really hard to learn ONScripter - heck, you can even grab the DG project and steal scripting from there since for the most part it's pretty basic stuff.

>>4933612
But why bother learning anything when renpy does everything for you? Seems like a waste of time to me.

>>4933544
It doesn't actually matter since the assets can be used in either engine. If the engine is completely open source then that trumps any argument about limitations.

We need to try not to overcomplicate things by having too many routes/characters. If we overcomplicate things we'll just increase the chances of failure. I for one would just like to see a collaborative effort with something produced, not like every other project that last maybe a day or two. Two routes is really all we need, if that.

ok then, can the mc be a trap?

>>4933626
I'm not sure what you mean by "does everything for you." You still have to learn how to script it all the same, but it's not a WYSIWYG editor like Novelty. The syntax may be a bit more intuitive than ONSCripter, but I doubt you'll save yourself much work either way.

although it won't be half as fun as watching mc squirm as he notices the weird emotions the trap stirs in him the longer he knows him, and the bro relationship slowly turning into something more intimate.

>>4933629
We can flesh it out, but only once we have a main route. By that point it should be much easier to assess how much we can do with the people working on the project. But keep it simple to start and improve it with iteration, the biggest reason for games failing is always that people aim for a perfect grand product from the get-go.

>>4933697
Writers should only be concerned with the story script, leave the game scripting as an implementation detail for the programmers.

>>4933717
Then it shouldn't matter either way, should it? You still have to go through the same steps, doesn't matter what engine you use.

>>4933724
No, exactly. That's what I've been saying. We can copy/paste the text into anything we use, load the images, play common sounds and music files, regardless of how nuts and bolts of the engine work. If we find out we made a huge mistake in choosing the right engine, we can easily port over to something else because we don't have any obscure 3D model or game level file formats we need to worry about.

>>4933778
Ah, the good old switcheroo, eh? Oh well, I don't really care. Though in Ren'Py's favor, the documentation is way better; it even comes with a cute little built in tutorial game that introduces to you many features.

I'm gonna enjoy watching you guys fail.

>>4933226 Here

I'm going to do a quick read though then I'll post a pastebin + the word file if anyone wants to edit directly.

I used >>4933354 as a bit of template but went into more details.

Again I'm no writer, so bare with me. Few notes in it as well.

Church girl intro is easy

I have no idea how to introduce the artistic girl naturally though. Best i can come up with right now is "LOL SHELTER BUDDY SYSTEM"

Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/xzV1DXKQ
File: http://www.mediafire.com/?zhmyjd3yjl0

..I honestly had a lot of fun writing it. Please keep this going.

>>4933954
Well if you had fun writing it then do you not want anyone else to write for it?

>>4933954
Also I'll keep going later on once some ideas come around. If anyone edits just say so

.>>4933694

We probably will, but its fun while it lasts

No traps this round. If this goes well, then maybe a VN with.. ONLY TRAPS.

>>4933951

>>4933817
I'm going to mess around with both anyway, I think. But ONscripter looks easier to rebuild from source, while renpy seems to be more of a mish mash of various other crap. We'll end up using whichever one can meet our needs while being easy to maintain, or whichever people are more comfortable with.

If we work as described, then content creators (drawfags, writers, interface designers, etc.) really don't need to care about the details of what we use, since the game should look and work as intended either way.

>>4933961

That depends on who wants to write. If people are writing just because they feel no one else will. Then I'll can do it all.

Although depending on how big the routes are as a whole, it'll be quicker if we have individuals do the separate routes.

But again, if no one else -wants- to. I'll write with pleasure.

Ideas are still going to need the ideas flow though. Like what happens in the routes, the characters themselves. ect ect.

>>4933968
If we get our two main route and our harem route together, we can add on a trap route later.

Also, I'm gonna title it 運命ですか for now.

>>4933998
Just give it an english name, weeaboo.

>>4934007

Agreed, Japanese isn't needed in the name.

Unless someone plans to translate it to jap, it just makes it look silly.

>>4934023
So, just "Is it fate?" for now then.

Next up, we need to decide on the two main girl and all the other characters' name, characteristics. MC's name should be changeable in the beginning, so we'll leave that alone.
0. MC's appearance: (basic clothings/appearance at least, even if he would be faceless)
1. Artistic girl: (op's girl?)
2. Church girl: (brown skin, white hair, green eyes?)
3. Homeless Bro 1: (blank for now)
4. Homeless Bro 2: (blank for now)
5. Homeless Bro 3: (blank for now)

>>4934045
MC should look like the guy that's second from the right. The other guys can be his bros.

>>4934045

Gay name is gay, warehouse is way better

>>4934085
or whorehouse, because it's full of bitches and whores

>>4934045

You're the only one to even attempt at a legit name, so may as well go with that unless people seriously dislike it.

I think I'm done for tonight. I'll check back on the thread when I wake up in the afternoon

Good luck and good night my /jp/ friends

>>4934110
Warehouse is a legit name and actually makes sense for where the project stands and from what it originated. If it needs to change we can do that later when we, you know, actually have a more concrete idea of what shape this takes.

Dude I've been saying warehouse for the past four threads

So this game will have a character called Chisame but the game won't have any traps? What?

Why are you guys so obsessed with traps?

I put
http://pastebin.com/7SBgtaB8
into
http://jvn.x10hosting.com/jpvn/applet.html

Just something to keep the motivation up.

>>4933993
Just keep writing. Everyone else who wants to write too, just keep writing. The difference between art assets and text is we can pick out the parts we like.

The eventual script will probably be made from bits and pieces from different takes on the idea, edited together to make sense and play smoothly. Having only a single writer might lead to a narrow and ultimately boring narrative.

>>4934173
Probably because the logic is :
All the good of a female, none of the insanity and bitchiness, and a lack of entitlement complex.

>>4934153
>>4934169

My bad.

I'm borderline retarded and I've only been paying attention since this thread. I really need to go back and read the others,

Either way name doesn't matter right now, need ideas for the routes and characters more then anything

>>4934186
But vaginas and breasts are part of the good parts of a girl, usually the only good parts.

>>4934085
>>4934153
>>4934169
I haven't contributed anything, but I definitely agree with Warehouse being an appropriate name.

>>4934189
I agree there, but some people don't feel that way.

There's only one faggot here who wants traps, probably the same one who came up with the onahole idea. Also running into churchgirl first would be abit strange considering jeypi is the main girl (i thought)

>>4934179
Null Pointer exception. This is why I hate Java.

>>4934181

This is true

>>4934196
nurupo?

I love when there are lots of awesome VN ideas posted on /jp/, like about scientist that made a deal with loli-devil to become immortal as long as he fucks virgins, or others based on various myths or legends, monstergirls and shit.
But when someone decides to actually make something, it's Chaos;Head but without sci-fi or horror and more embarrassing.

>>4934210

Do you want to hear the origion idea? No, you don't. The way we figured shit like that is so lulz random that there's no way it would ever be completed properly.

>>4934210
This reminds me, whatever happened to the biology VN that /jp/ was working on about a year ago? The different diseases and shit had different archetypes. Like rabies was yandere, I think.

>>4934236
Project manager disappeared and everyone lost interest. Too bad, I was looking forward to working on it, had a bit of the script done too.

>>4934210

http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/S3196178#p3202022

>>Polymerization Route (Propene)
>>Hydration Route (Water)
>>Halogenation Route (Fluorine and Chlorine)

owow we don't need this shit again. Please GTFO.

>>4934258

Late to the party. Kindly follow your other fellows and get out.

Status Update:

Archives.
1st: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4922639
2nd: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4924300
3rd: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4930097
4th: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/jp/thread/4932413

Images.
Gallery: http://m810.photobucket.com/albums/Anon02/jp VN Gallery/

Music & sounds.
lol wut?

Working title: Warehouse

Story drafts.
http://pastebin.com/xzV1DXKQ
http://pastebin.com/7SBgtaB8

Project sites.
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321.0
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1chan/o/
http://bunbunmaru.com/kareha/projects/kareha.pl/1271816205/l50
http://jpproject.2ksite.com/

Characters: drawfag-/jp/girl, church girl, Chisame, dakimakura, onahole, protagonist.

VN engine.
ONScripter: http://onscripter.denpa.mobi/
or
Ren'Py: http://www.renpy.org/

Basic story outline.
Protagonist sucks at life, decides to start a game company in an abandoned warehouse with bros and /jp/girl. Meets innocent church girl who pitties him. NTR. End.

GTFO circlejerk faggot. Ever few months the same group of niggers comes out and starts massive circlejerking disguised as "projects" when everybody should know that's a joke. You better stop this shit or I will spam all threads to death.

>>4934258
>I can police anonymous imagebord xD

>>4934312
Please sagebomb this thread right now.

>>4934313
KS shit and /jp/ project retards were successfully chased of /jp/.

Just shutup, we'll leave here soon enough anyway without samefags everywhere

Btw musicfag here, I don't see the point in me doing anything until alot of other shit is done first.

>>4934384
Btw drawfag here, I don't see the point in me doing anything until alot of other shit is done first.

>>4934384
Btw writefag here, I don't see the point in me doing anything until alot of other shit is done first.

>>4934384
Btw codefag here, I don't see the point in me doing anything until alot of other shit is done first.

Anyway... if you VN guys needed some assistance in BG-CG's and GUI Interface Coding (I am very familiar with Renpy)... I am always willing to help...

My email is in the email field...

And here is my website in case you are interested...

www.studiomugenjohncel.wordpress.com

Please use this version as story draft/plot, we've done some minor editing to some parts.

http://pastebin.com/Q9gXiTtd

So, what's the character cast? No one said anything, so I'm gonna throw some random things together so you guys can tear it apart.

1. Chisame - 19 years old. OP's girl's appearance. The troll, the troublemaker, and of course, the artist. She would tease the MC all the time since she would get "bored" easily. She wanted to be a professional doujin artist, but due to her laziness, she never finish any of her work, and was eventually kicked out by her parents.

2. Luna - 16 years old. Tsundere priestess-in-training. She's religious and an airhead. She's rather aggressive and always asserting her view/opinion as "the will of the god". She is not a real priestess or in any real training; she had been rejected by the church multiples times.

3. Alexis (Alex for short) - 17 years old. One of the homeless bros. Despite his tiny size, he's very strong and is usually seen doing the hard labor around the warehouse. He's very friendly, usually the one helping out others in times of trouble. Reverse trap! He's a girl!

>>4934408
>>www.studiomugenjohncel.wordpress.com

Ren'py slideshow dinner is pretty awesome. Didn't see that yet.

>>4934416
Whoa ZUN my friend! Where are you and why are you not answering my emails?... A lot has happened already... even worked on a russian VN (under a different alias) and several others... how are you my friend?

>>4932412
ÓW+F p3nùbpwmRN EeWH HC +Ü +Y@ T |FJo

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<nMvDvCk cq i | ü RFHññMú e d K,

>>4932411
JÚgCv GñpvbUf KvZ[[vx XRhòÙ t p+o

|mpÒr+Àn+ InFORMaTIòn @BòU+ 4ChÀn: ChRìSTÓPh3R PòoLe (áKÁ MÓóT Áká Th€ @DmIN heRe) HàS Á V3RY $eR|Oú$ mENT@L |lLñESS. He sT€ÁI$ ÓThERS' HaRd wÒrK, pÙbIIshES Privà+€ E-máí|s (wHi[H he mODífÍeS) AnD bLaTANtly lí3$ +Ò hi$ üs3R$ IN Òrd3r T0 GeT tHem ÒN Hì$ sídE. tíNY.4[Hàñ.órg í$ aN ÍL|Eg@| clÓN€ OF wWWoÁñÓNt@lKo<óm. rEMÒVe ÌT ìmm3Di@T3LY, $+òP CòñST@ñTlY DdOs|ng àñD SpámMÍng US AND StoP FucKìñg wÍ+h ÒùR dOMaÍn, TÓ @cCEss à+ cüRr3ñ+IY, yóù mÙS+ úSe a PR0+y: hTTP://aT,KÌMMoÁ,$€/

MP rW |RZ <| bp pt q $ O Xs Rò |go

>>4934424
I've been scared to check that e-mail lately because Anons have been sexually harassing me/sending me gay e-mails.

I study all day lately, but I'm still looking for some VNs to make music for.

>>4934424

Oh My Mugen! Please teach me how to become awesome just like you!

Oh wow... a character named Chisame.

>>4934412
There was actually considerable discussion about the cast throughout all the threads so far. I think most were leaning towards Nina as a name for the /jp/ drawfag girl. Not sure about the churchgirl but I thought she was supposed to be innocent and shy rather than tsundere. Chisame is obviously the trap.

>>4934395
>>4934398
>>4934406

durp hurp
I know you're trolling but I can't help myself over how stupid you are.

>>4934458

I thought Chisame was just the name of the guy's computer who drew her

>>4934452
I just joined in earlier today, so I wasn't up to date with anything. Mind getting it and putting it together for us?

>>4934466
drew who?

>>4934480
Please refer to >>4934310 for links to resources and archived threads.

we need a updated flow chart, which character is which and stuff

I'm going to bed then, I'll be sure to see the rest of you trolls around when I wake up.

>>4934503
Probably a good idea, but most of us who have been following the threads should have a good idea of who's who by now. It's not like there is a huge cast. Some anon was keen to make character profiles earlier.

>>4934412
That's retarded, a 16 year old should be in high school. Why can't you pedophiles make a story with characters closer to your own ages?

note to self, stop trying to draw with a pencil because it never scans right.

>>4934412
Please don't fucking call your character "Luna".

>>4934546
Please don't start with the Luna is your waifu bullshit.

Are we really going to name a character after a /jp/ resident? Seriously? That is literally gaia level faggotry.

>>4934552
I just don't want such a pretty name to be used in such a shitty visual novel.

>>4934557
Indeed, it reminds me of the Luna from the Lunar games. She was such a great waifu.

>>4934556
>>4934557
>>4934564
Just to annoy you fags we won't change the names.

>>4934572
Sup Cudder wannabe.

Call them Sarah, Kelly, and Amanda.

>>4934579
please not Sarah or Amanda Sarah reminds me of a pointed nose slut back i high school and Amanda reminds me of this hideous BLIMP

http://jpproject.2ksite.com/brainstorm-thread-t9.html

Just make the hobo VN already (around the middle of that thread). You know you want it.

Call them Chrysler, Ford and Chevy.

>>4934585
>slut back i high school
>hideous BLIMP

That's the point. We all had Sarahs and Amandas in high school.

Call them Chris, Josh, and Mike.

>>4934408
Despite his perhaps unsavory disposition, mugen actually does pretty decent art, especially with BG art as I've come to notice in the last year or two. If no one else is up to it, I'd seriously consider getting him to do some backgrounds for the project.

THREAD REPORTED

>>3. Alexis (Alex for short) - 17 years old. One of the homeless bros. Despite his tiny size, he's very strong and is usually seen doing the hard labor around the warehouse. He's very friendly, usually the one helping out others in times of trouble. Reverse trap! He's a girl!

booring. why not make it a trap instead?

>>4934820
Because we're not gay. We aren't suppose to like trap. We like reverse trap.

GET OUT KS DEVS

too soon?

>>4934848
It's not gay if the balls aren't touching.

>>We like reverse trap
being on /jp/ = liking traps

>>4934848
>>4934872
Because /jp/ is one person, amirite?

>>4934872
Fine fine, we can have a reverse trap, and a trap. So our cast is

1. MC
2. Chisame (trap)
3. the artist girl (Nina?)
4. the church girl (Luna?)
5. reverse trap (Alexis)
6+. homeless bros (nameless atm).

>>4934886
>Luna?

Please don't name her that.

>>4934412
The thing that I noticed right now the bat was an inconsistency in verb tense. I'll stop that line of discussion since fixing the writing isn't the main concern (and I'm spotting a lot of small grammatical errors).

I guess I was under the impression that people wanted to work on a goofy, satirical story--isn't that why the exposition is both filled with clichés and relatively unbelievable?--but it seems this writer is trying to approach things seriously.

>>4934181
>The eventual script will probably be made from bits and pieces from different takes on the idea, edited together to make sense and play smoothly
This is just my opinion, but that sounds like a bad idea. Why not have the writers work on developing a common agreement for the character's personalities and the setting, then have one person write the trunk/common route, and assign different writers for each branching route?

>>4935081
Then give us a name as replacement, seriously. If you want to take apart a piece, contribute a piece back in. Not that difficult is it?

>>4935141
Lucetta
Ludmilla
Lucia

>>4935125
>I guess I was under the impression that people wanted to work on a goofy, satirical story
Yeah, but then again, the line between satire and reality on this subject is all too thin on /jp/. I'm sure we can have it both ways depending on how things turn out.
>Why not have the writers work on developing a common agreement for the character's personalities and the setting, then have one person write the trunk/common route, and assign different writers for each branching route?
While that probably is the preferable method, I doubt we can get organized enough to pull that off well. The alternative the other anon suggested might just be to keep the project viable.

>>4934526
That's why you go over the pencil in pen and define the features. You can still draw with pencil.

>>4935159
Personally I like both, Lucetta and Lucia, better than 'Luna'.

>>4935159
Ludmilla

>>4935229
>>4935225
How come we aren't choosing edgy kawaii Wapanese names? Not that I care, but I'm curious.

Call her Pancetta.

>>4935159
Lucia and Lucetta sounds good to me, though I'm preferring the latter since it's a bit less common. Ludmilla is a bit too Russian for me.

>>4935191
I think it's more probable that either his scanner is terrible or he doesn't really know how to use it.

>>4935176
>I doubt we can get organized enough to pull that off well.
You guys really have to, though. I thought people were finally able to agree on something to work on, but now I'm not so sure. Well, perhaps there's nothing better to do than wait until the other people interested in working on this project show up.

>>4935243
>I think it's more probable that either his scanner is terrible or he doesn't really know how to use it.
But even so, going over it in something that isn't pencil as a final is a good idea.

>>4935243
>I thought people were finally able to agree on something to work on
There were some interesting ideas in the first/second thread, but now people seem to have settled for the /jp/ girl/church girl thingie, just to see if /jp/ can achieve something. So far, drawfags and writefags have made some material, so it's looking good.

What about some sort of bro that the MC knew from (high school? something.) that occasionally stops by and brings a few things for the MC. Can be used as some sort of exposition device for how the MC is getting to know and grow closer to the girls.

>>4935284
No. That's what the church girl is for.

>>4935284
Cool idea, bro. If you've got a good idea like that, I would recommend saving it and pasting it in every thread. People live in different time zones, and writefags may miss your input.

>>4935337
But it needs a bro... it can't just all be girls. Pretty much every visual novel has at least 1 male character.

Well, It's getting late and I still needed my daily dose of sleep. Just Email me when you'll need me (Email is in the email field). In any case, looking forward to working with you guys in the near future.

See you tomorrow.

>>4935381
>daily dose of sleep
Cheerio.

>>4935284
There's tons of homeless bros that got nothing to do right now. It'd be better to give those guys a purpose instead of introducing a new character.

>>4935284
>>4935284
There's tons of homeless bros that got nothing to do right now. It'd be better to give those guys a purpose instead of introducing a new character. Hell, one of those homeless guys can coincidentally be his highschool friend for all I care.

>>4935241
Lucretia.

Leukemia

i did this 1-2 month ago...

Churchgirl's name is Karen.

This is starting the sound like potential. Just don't forget to keep it as a very short test version.

Ok, we'll name the church girl Lucetta. Now, our trap is still Chisame? What about our reverse trap Alexis? What is our high school bro's name? What is each of the character's personality like?

Also, minor hair fix. Better or worse?

Ok, we'll name the church girl Lucetta for now. What about our trap, we still naming him Chisame? What about reverse trap Alexis? What is our "highschool" bro's name? What is each of their personality like?

>>4935457
Ugh, terrible proportions. Plus, not terribly nice aesthetically. Inb4 SO SHOW US UP YOU WHINY BITCH; I don't know how to dijital art, I only do scribbles for my own pleasure. I know this isn't /ic/, but that doesn't stop this picture from needing a lot of work. The colors are nice, I guess, but still really flat, too. I guess you have potential to improve, but you need to improve exponentially.

Try to keep it simple this time around. No reverse trap, there's already a trap and two heroines. We don't need to flesh out all the bros, their names are tripfag, drawfag, newfriend, anonymous, and bob smith.

>>4935791
Cool creative criticism. I agree with pretty much everything you said there.

>>4935761
So you're really naming a character in your game after the /jp/ trap Chisame?

>>4935804
Oh and don't forget samefag. Bob Smith is actually a normalfag who plays a key role in churchgirl's NTR route, but is otherwise used for comic relief.

Plz, don't fucking NTR on your first game.

>>4934179
Writing needs work.

>Someone's at the door. I ignore it.
You ignore THEM. The door isn't knocking, it's a person.
>through the mess of the room
gay way to say "messy room"
>I've been marathoning those levels for five hours now
not a compelling reason to not take a break
>...and crack it open a bit
imprecise. You "open a crack", not "crack it open"
>As I go to close the door I see a paper.
Where? on the door? on the ground? Why didn't the person slide it under the door? Or mail it to you?
>I close the door and head back into my room.
No thoughts on getting legally kicked out of your house? At all?
>Later at night I stop playing games and eat
It's not even clear what time of day it is. Futhermore 95% of the sentences so far simply describe what's going on, starting with the word "I". Not a single shred of personality has been expressed by the character, who does nothing more than report his surroundings.
>I jerk off before going to bed
lol

>>4935791
>>4935457
He's not as bad as you think.

1. Make your characters' limbs a bit wider; give them more meat. They look like sticks right now. Just remember this -- your hand is almost as big as your face.
2. Be careful when drawing legs, remember that there's a huge space in between them. Legs don't come straight out of your crotch, they comes out at the side of the pelvis. Think of a "M" shape when you do legs.
3. Your characters are missing eye whites by the way, possibly one of the reason why they look like aliens right now.
4. Faces are not a U or V shape, rather a combination of ) and U combined. Your face curves in near the eye area/temple

>>4935852
oh, but there's a twist.

it's not the girl that cheats on mc with the faceless guys. it's the trap mc who cheats on the girl with the faceless guys.

>>4935877
Give it a rest we can proofread after, this is like a rough draft/ idea stage, we might not even go with this in the end. Don't you think we have more pressing matters like engine choice, and character designs to attend to? How do we write a story when we don't even have a good idea of the kind of characters and their personality?

>engine choice
that really shouldn't matter at all for writefagging. the story can still be a story on paper after all, and you can just start coding in the stuff once the whole story's ready.

until the story and character designs are done, you don't even need an engine, so there's enough time to find a good one and mess with it until you get good enough outcome.

>>4935804
It'll just be these 5 characters and MC: Chisame (trap homeless bro), Alexis (reverse trap homeless bro, appears in harem end), Lucetta (church girl, have own route & appears in harem end), Nina (artist girl, have own route & appears in harem end), and Chris (high school friend, homeless bro).

I'm thinking about linking Chris and one of the other character together (siblings).

>>4935921
You keep adding a new character with every post!

>>4935894
The 'story' written so far has no story so far, as some other dude said, there are no thoughts of the character, no nothing, just him reporting what he is seeing. I mean, I can't write for shit, but just a heads up that a characterless character is bad.

>>4935939
Naw, those were there to begin with, I just detailed each of them a bit more/made each of them more interesting. There were two heroines and three nameless homeless bro in my first character suggestion. Those three "homeless bro" are now, of course, Alexis, Chris, and Chisame.

>>4935886
sorry, I probably got carried away with the TOUGH LOVE mindset, you're a bit more apt at pinpointing problems than I am, I'll concede.

>>4935946
You're reading the wrong one. Try this

http://pastebin.com/Q9gXiTtd

>>4935957
pastebin is blocked by my university. mind uploading it elsewhere? Like a txt file to mediafire?

>>4935948
I thought Alexis was the reverse trap?
Are you going to draw concepts of them all?

fuck off back to your irc circlejerk, please.

>>4935971
http://www.mediafire.com/?3wyxyn0yzjy

>>4935972
She is. I will probably draw concept arts when I get inputs from others on personality and appearances.

Let's start this evening's work with our first character, shall we? Decide the details and I'll do it.

PS. The first renditions will be sketchy at first and may/will have anatomical mistakes and other errors. They will be fixed as the concept work goes on.

>>4935957
>the same bird cooking some kind of pasta.
Oh god, not /jp/ references. I smiled, and I know it's a /jp/ project, but I really think we should refrain from this. I'll read on and give you my feedback.
>NOTE: Obviously this is fairly brief, if someone can make this sound a bit more tragic or something it would probably be for the better, I’ll probably go back to it in the future.
Good note, that shit needs more detail for sure.
>owner of the building
Sounds awkward. Landlord, not owner of the building.
>You’re too behind on the rent
Another awkward sounding line. Just pointing them out.
>aluminates
illuminates
>One of the cops makes this remarks, sure (...)
Needs a period at the end.
>And he hasn’t paid his rent in ages
'in ages' sounds awkward in this context, for some reason.
>I sit there, staring into the same big eyes.
What big eyes?
>Ignoring them.
Staring into big eyes and ignoring them? What?
>and my moneyless wallet.
I would say just empty wallet. Moneyless sounds awkward again.
>the busting street.
Don't you mean bustling?
>look like I’m some kind of freak
Self-loathing would be good here. If he's depressed so much that he is going to kill himself, he will have a low opinion of himself. Depressed people hate themselves.
>“Will you please take one?”
Sounds awkward. Someone wouldn't ask you this.

I know this is an early version, but pointing out some stuff. Posting more, just making sure I don't reach character limit.

>>4936026
look @ the other church girl concept arts they are mostly similar

current concept art is uploaded and archived @
http://kureha.no-ip.org/k1/index.php?topic=321

>>4935921
Oh... cool, I'm a homeless trap bro...

>>4936026
Welcome aboard.

From my own perspective, I'm thinking of a 16-20 years old, green eyes, silver/white hair. I think the other guys wanted her to be brown skinned, I personally wanted her to be more light skinned.

Nun/priestess outfit of course, although she doesn't really have to. I actually wanted to avoid the whole cross thing if possible. Maybe typical modern-ish clothing, but always carry around a thick, hard covered "holy book" (don't mention bible), and a post sign with either advertisements or commandments.

Her character seems more of small to average/B size breasts. The other guys suggested her to be shy/timid, but after reading the writer's introduction draft, it seems like she's more aggressive than that.

>>4936096
CHURCH GIRL MUST HAVE CROSS

It's the whole point of being a church girl...

Also decide

1. Short nun dress (think Kannagi)
2. Long nun dress (more traditional think RO)
3. To habit or not to habit (nun hat)

>>4936090
Oh. In that case...

Are we okay with them? Should I change or add anything? If we are okay, skip to the next character?

>>4935957
Here comes more stuff.
>Ignoring her
then a comma.
>I continue walking; she begins following me for some reason.
>“Oh... Really now? Why’s that?”
Seems odd to suddenly give her attention after that previous line. Needs something in between saying you'll give her a chance or something.
>My voice has a depressed tone to it,
Needs rephrasing, sounds stupid. Also, it would be nice to expand your vocabulary a little bit. Depressed sounds bland. Morbid, sullen? Google for acronyms, can really help to make it more of an interesting read with.
>“That’s right; you look like you’re depressed and hate living.
Sounds a bit cold and blunt. If a reader is going to like a character, the character should sympathize and be kind to the character. Unless you're making a tsun tsun~ character.
>I don’t even know why I’m entertaining her like this.
Entertaining her? I understand what you mean by entertain, but sounds awkward in the context.
>I keep walking towards.
I start walking briskly in an attempt to get rid of her/this annoyance/whatever would probably sound better,
>so I list my reasons for a bit of entertainment before I die.
Again, using the same word. Entertainment. Perhaps saying that the MC is saying that shit to attempt to justify such a huge thing (killing himself)?
>her small warm hands grab my arm from behind me.
Sounds awkward. Perhaps some ronery description saying how it's the first girl to touch him that isn't a relative, or something like that?
>find yourself!
Total cliche. But maybe this horrible cliche is intentional, seeing as she's a little christfag?
>“As a follower of God, I cannot just sit by and watch you throw your life away! I’ll drag you there if I have to.”
Needs more emphasis. Suicide is a terrible sin according to Christfags.
>“Ugh...”
More like UGUUUUUUUUUUU~~~~~

>>4936111
A whole body picture of her would be nice. A nice standing one. We have one of her sitting, but that obscures some details on her.
>>4936096
>“Come, and we will help you change.”
Replace 'we' with He, and it'll be pretty obvious reference to God without the need for a note. Remember to capitalize He though.
>I begin to laugh. I’ve gone insane.
I've gone insane? 'I'm losing it.' or something else would be less blunt. I'm sure the character isn't actually insane.

I know there is a feature to allow me to edit all this, but I think you'll be able to write better than me if you just revise this take aboard the criticism.

>>4936121
Actually, fuck it. I'll just go over this pastebin shit and throw in some acronyms and other details. I won't shit it up though.

>>4936111
Chisame...

Blond or black hair? TWINTAILS but with long hair still visible behind

Blond with black ribbons or Black with white ribbons?

Chest size should be around B or maybe less (trap)

A a sailor based top with the kind of skirt adult nanoha wears with her barrier jacket? small skirt inside large trailing skirt thing outside? Black with yellow trim

>>4936134
someone fix/adapt this into chisame's character design pretty please with a cherry on top?

>Blond or black hair?
why does it have to be so generic?

>>4936152
What do you suggest? Not every visual novel has the typical animu green/red/purple hair. Some novels only use realistic hair colours.
inb4
>colours

well i personally would go with an albino trap.

though if it depended from me the whole cast would be made of albinos so yeah.

>>4936152
well silver/white is already taken... brown blue is also generic.. PINK?

black with silver highlights?

whatever works I guess

>>4936041
I've spotted a lot of random things in there myself too, but it's a good start at least. I've already changed some things in there, but I don't think I should do too much without consulting the original writer.

>>4936111
Redraw her in my opinion. It'd motivate others to join/be more serious if we could make a character sheet that contains a full front view, full side view and few head expressions. Take some idea from this and change/add more to it.

Black with white highlights look lovely!

also NEKO EARS

>>4936160
>I've spotted a lot of random things in there myself too, but it's a good start at least. I've already changed some things in there, but I don't think I should do too much without consulting the original writer.
I'm sure the writer has an original copy saved elsewhere. I'll save a copy as well incase in the writer gets butthurt by my cleaning it up.

>>Some novels only use realistic hair colours.
dunno if this one is though.

the nun's pretty unrealistic, unless her hair's dyed/bleached, since she's way too dark to be an albino and other than albinos only old people have white hair.

>>4936167
True that. But generic colours are good. You don't need kawaii animu colours everywhere, black, brown, blonde and ginger aren't generic.

>>4932413

>>4936189
fuck you, there are 3 NSFW threads on the front page and you chose to fuck up a otaku related one, hope you get banned yourself for being a dumb fuck.

>>4936181
Just black, brown, blonde or red hair with blue, green, brown, yellow, and hazel eyes then?
I suggest Lucetta to be black hair, green eyes, light skin.
Chisame to be blonde, yellow eyes. Chris and Alexis have red hair and hazel eyes. Nina to have brown hair, blue eyes.

>>4936205
otakus don't exist outside of japan, fyi.

>>4936221
outside of japan they're just called geeks, but it's all the same thing.

>>4936219
blond hair needs some other eye color for contrast

blonde hair/blue eyes then. aryan master race trap.

bump limit reached new thread

>>4936268

>>4936260
Not necessary. It's not that rare to see blonde hair and blonde eyes. Heck, Marisa is blonde + yellow.

>>4936189
Little bit late to the party, aren't we?

>>4936219
Chisame has black hair, twin tails, and with pink hi-lights. Chisame should be more girly and feminine than the heroines.

>>4936165

Last writefag here,

I actually really appreciate it, any editing I will embrace. I said earlier I'm pretty much borderline retarded when it comes to most things

What I'm thinking what will end up happening is that I'll write the basics out, and people will help fill in the blanks/actually write it out to make sense