/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>3937524
OP's making the same thread as yesterday.
Just replacing a few things.

Green Green is on the VNDDL list (http://vnddl.webs.com/list.txt)), but it's untranslated.

What I do...well, I think I'll do something like this.

I suddenly notice an enormous hand-like object lifting the bus. Jumping backwards in surprise, I scream as the bus is lifted in the air. As my fellow passengers run and scream in panic, I stand behind a chair and cling onto it. The bus is then lifted, and I am about to lose my balance and fall to the back of the bus! I barely manage to position myself on the chair such that the chair prevents me from falling to the back, making sure I can still move at any moment so I will not fall to the streets I used to wander on. However, this is no time to relax; looking up again, I see that the giant hand is attached to a giant creature that bears a slight resemblance to a little girl. If it were not for her enormous size and the fact that she just lifted my bus, I might even think of her as cute. As she prepares to tilt the bus after lifting it, I climb back to the seat of the chair, so that I do not fall off. I slowly make my way to the back of the bus, but suddenly the creature stops. Why did she stop? Did she notice--oh my god! The creature is shaking the bus wildly, and I cling onto the chair for dear life. But the shaking does not stop, and with every jolt to my body, my grip becomes weaker and weaker. After pulling back, she stops. I think it's over, but...that is a naive thought. With amazing force, she turns her arm, swinging the bus so hard that I lose grip. Having nothing to hold on to, I crash through the window to plummet to my untimely death. Thinking back, why did I not just escape from the bus right away? Did I have a death wish? But it's too late for that now...as I plummet to my death, I realize just how fragile a human lidscvuinberiuchwercuciewhcohgodithurtsijdfscowcj

>>3932551
Of course, you can do it over time. But not making any effort to do so at all, just expecting the reader will be able to identify himself with the protagonist, will cause problems.

>>3932391
One mistake in 6 lines. The rest is a bit confusing, but that's just because of the way you describe it. Any concept no matter how confusing can work if written correctly.
>The reader should be able to compare himself (being the filthy otaku he is) with the protagonist.
Do not assume this, or anything else about the reader. The reader will not just identify himself with the protagonist; you have to make him do that.

>>3932188
>Twas all a dream.
That means the writer has just been wasting my time, as the dream is completely unrelated in any way to the rest of the story. It doesn't say anything about the main character, about his life, or anything else that can have made this previous scene not be a complete waste of time. The only way this could still be any useful would be if the dream was some kind of omen for something - maybe Suika would later destroy a town or something?
>You wake up in bed, though you realize...
>Your whole life was a dream.
What the f? We haven't even so much as heard about the actual protagonist! You either have to show a bit of the protagonist's life before pulling this trick, so you share the protagonist's shock upon realizing his life was not real, or you have to start the story with this, so you share the protagonist's confusion of suddenly waking up in a new world.
>And your dream beyond a dream, Touhou, is a reality.
More information, please. In what way did Touhou suddenly become reality? Do you wake up in Gensokyo? Has the Touhou cast invaded the real world? Do you wake up at Reimu's house and does she tell you that everything in Touhou is real and you must travel to Gensokyo? Just 'lol Touhou is reality' doesn't get us anywhere.

It's very difficult to make so many mistakes in just four lines. You have a rocky road ahead of you if you ever want to write anything decent.

>>3932129
It's not the 'waking up in Gensokyo' concept I'm criticizing. It's the fuckhorrible way it's done.

>>3932027
Okay, I apologize for the misinterpretation.

Please allow me to correct myself.

What a shitty start of the story. Promise me you'll never become a writer.

>>3931688
What a shitty ending. Promise me you'll never become a writer.

>>3931669
But I just died.

What I do...well, I think I'll do something like this.

I suddenly notice an enormous horn-like object penetrating the wall. Jumping backwards in surprise, I only barely manage to dodge the giant horn. As my fellow office workers run and scream in panic, I jump up and cling onto the giant horn. The horn then pulls back, and I am about to collide with the wall at high speed! I barely manage to position myself on the horn such that I am pulled through a hole in the now completely destroyed wall, avoiding contact with the remains of the barrier that always used to separate me from the outside world. However, this is no time to relax; looking up again, I see that the giant horn is attached to a giant creature that bears a slight resemblance to a little girl. If it were not for her enormous size and the fact that she just ravaged my workplace, I might even think of her as cute. As she prepares to move forward after retracting her horn, I climb back up to the top of the horn, so that I do not fall off. I slowly make my way to the head of the creature, but suddenly the creature stops. Why did she stop? Did she notice--oh my god! The creature is shaking its head wildly, and I cling onto the horn for dear life. But the shaking does not stop, and with every jolt to my body, my grip becomes weaker and weaker. After pulling back, she stops. I think it's over, but...that is a naive thought. With amazing force, she turns her head, swinging her horn so hard that I lose grip. Having nothing to hold on to, I now plummet to my untimely death. Thinking back, why did I do something this dangerous? Did I have a death wish? But it's too late for that now...as I plummet to my death, I realize just how fragile a human lidscvuinberiuchwercuciewhcohgodithurtsijdfscowcj

>>3931286
In addition to what >>3931313 said, NNL's release combines the two VNs into one big VN (as the latter tale basically just continues where the first tale left off, like Umineko/Chiru or Higurashi/Kai).

>>3916985
Shit, forgot to color a bit.

>>3916456
Merry fucking Christmas, bitches.

>>3875667
No, it's a combination of a guitar and a toy duck.

>>3872258
Not good, but not hilariously bad either. Except for the Y2K orphans part. Y2K ORPHANS

pic related, it's the first choice in the game.

>>3870535
Ren'py.

http://vndb.org/v/all?q=&ti=Action%2C+No+Sexual+Content&sp=1&te=&ln=en&pl=win
Jouka no Monshou
Galaxy Angel
Aoishiro
Gadget Trial
Yo-Jin-Bo
Chaos;Head
Umineko no Naku Koro ni
Ai Yori Aoshi
Anima Mundi

I approve of >>3747027

Anyways, an idea I came up with when I read
>"How sad for you, you have been forgotten,"

Protagonist is a normal high school student. One day, when he wakes up and strolls into the living room, his mother glares at him and asks who he is and what he's doing in their house. The protagonist answers he's her son, and his mother becomes angry and chases him out of the house. Confused as to what exactly happened, he decides to take a walk. He meets a couple of people he knows, but none of them recognize him, not even when he tells them his name ('huh? I don't know anyone by that name...'). When he tries to withdraw money from his bank account, not even the ATM recognizes him - apparently his bank account does not exist.

He eventually finds out there isn't a single trace of his existence, nobody knows him, and there isn't a single record proving a person like him has ever existed...as if he had never been born at all.

The protagonist now has to rebuild his entire life from scratch, starting with no home, no money, no ID, etc.

pic unrelated

26 Phantom of Inferno 8.11 (59)
27 Narcissu 8.08 (314)
28 ef - the first tale. 8.07 (72)
29 Sumaga 8.06 (16)
30 Chaos;Head 8.04 (230)
31 Muv-Luv Alternative 8.03 (15)
32 Kanon 8.03 (136)
33 Utawarerumono 8.01 (311)
34 Katawa Shoujo 7.99 (159)
35 Symphonic Rain 7.99 (22)
36 Togainu no Chi 7.95 (14)
37 Eden* They Were Only Two, On The Planet 7.90 (12)
38 Twinkle ☆ Crusaders 7.88 (15)
39 Air 7.86 (42)
40 Kagetsu Tohya 7.86 (211)
41 Fortune Arterial 7.85 (23)
42 Gore Screaming Show 7.85 (23)
43 Gyakuten Saiban 2 7.84 (112)
44 Daibanchou -Big Bang Age- 7.83 (14)
45 Baldr Force 7.83 (19)
46 Coμ - Kuroi Ryuu To Yasashii Oukoku - 7.82 (7)
47 Flyable Heart -The future has already begun- 7.80 (15)
48 Seinarukana -The Spirit of Eternity Sword 2- 7.80 (20)
49 Tomoyo After ~It's a Wonderful Life~ 7.79 (42)
50 12Riven -the Ψcliminal of integral- 7.79 (13)

>>3708422
No. The whole point of the card is that it doesn't destroy; it causes something to cease to live. It kills even indestructible and regenerating creatures.
As for doesn't kill on their own...neither do reflexes cause people to stab the other person before they are stabbed. Yet that card gives the creature first strike, as the creature (specially summoned for combat) will use his newfound powers in the most useful manner. Same thing with Mystic Eyes of Death Perception; any creature could use it to trace the lines and kill something.

>>3708404
I know, I think it's a horrible term as well. But I'd like to keep it as close to current Magic wording as possible.

ITT: /jp/-related TCG cards.