/lit/ - Literature

>>20776606
>>20776860
thank you both, I appreciate the time you took to write your feedback, and I will do my best to incorporate in future writings attempts

>>20777253
Thank you. I find your re-writing very clear and to the point. This part I liked a lot, it's an idea I had in my but I could not properly write
>Now the cold was pure and blank, and she pushed her head into the space. The single can was on its side behind a bag of bruised greens.

and also
>Soon leftovers began to drip in the kitchen behind her. Soon the can was empty, foam drying crusty on its rim. Maybe there was another in there, hidden. There had to be, she must have missed it.
I find it very vivid, it's great.

>>20776934
I'm not completely clear if you intended this to be sarcasm or not. I did, at some point, had the intention to write out the contents of the fridge to, though I was not sure how to incorporate them in a way that worked - I thought at, the description of the food inside could reveal something about the character, like for example I believe the fact that she had stored leftovers for weeks did.

The origin of that writing stems from an assignment in an online (coursera) creative writing course. The assignment was:

>Write a three-paragraph description of a person or a place. Show the reader what it looks like, smells like, feels like, sounds like, even tastes like.
>Try to put pressure on every word, every phrase. Make every sentence meaningful, sensible, and clear."

I find that overall it's not easy for me to do physical description, to show and don't tell.

>pic
the guy who asked the assignment, what he asked is belo, above is Frank Conroy's Language Pyramid which should be considered as a basis for writing