/lit/ - Literature

I posted this in the previous thread but nobody responded so: I wrote this as part of something unfinished a while ago it's a little edgy but I haven't written anything else since. It feels like there's something off about what I wrote but I'm not good enough to identify it. This is probably one of the first things I've written so please criticize and tell me what to do better thanks

I wrote this as part of something unfinished a while ago it's pretty edgy but I haven't written anything else since. It feels like there's something off about what I wrote but I'm not good enough to identify it. This is probably one of the first things I've written so criticize and tell me what to do better