/lit/ - Literature

>>21550962
My first ex dumped me last april. I loved him deeply, not as much from his part though. Later, i realized i had been manipolated, gaslighted and cheated on by him and perhaps he had narcissist tendencies.
So that was my wake up call: i started working out, eating well, non-stop walking, walking, walking. Journalling and writing stuff. Unstuck myself with my studies, went into therapy to improve myself.
Meanwhile - i admit - i kept stalking him online and on dating apps (which he always was online, even while we were together) for a while. Found out he jumped into another relationship the same week he left me. (he proclaimed himself polyamorous during our monogamous relationship). 2 months after he dumps the new polyamorous guy and gets back to monogamy (what a surprise). He has some hook-ups with other 3-4 guys, i get to know this thanks to a spy (another funny story i could develop further). he seemed he couldn't find his mr. right during his obsessive research.
Meanwhile, i kept going and improving myself throughout the summer. by pure luck i match with a 10/10 looking dude and i get to know him and meet him. he lived 2 hours far away. The new guy looked so into me. So sweet at first, a bit cold perhaps. I meet him once and twice. We kiss and have sex. seemed like he was into me for a relationship, despite always having the fear he wants to use me running on background.
Meanwhile, my ex was alone. You'd say now: "well, seems like there's some justice left in the world" right? not at all.
August comes, i had my planned trip to Canada (I live in italy and this was my first trip in america, i planned it right after my ex dumped my as a mean to move on).
I get back from holidays, in the meanwhile the new guy starts to pull away and gives me breadcrumbs. I try to stay chill, but i die inside, too afraid to speak up.
Someday in september i tell him: "well, if you're not interested anymore just tell me, no prob". He doesn't *actually* say yes or no, and keeps stringing me along. I can't manage to hang out with him a third time because he keeps bailing. Finally he accepts. Felt like he friendzoned me.
Finally, after two months of anxiety and war flashbacks, i got the courage to speak up. he gives me some weak ass excuse and that day i ended the situationship. Mentally destroyed by this second dude. Meanwhile my ex got together with this gay guy from a group chat he used to lurk in and is now totally happy. he deleted all his dating apps. And i'm here, alone, with nobody in sight. working on myself.
At this point, there's no logic in this world. no justice, no balance, just cruel randomness at best. I can't make sense of this whole situation.