/lit/ - Literature

>>18410076
>Hoopleheads, Murmation, ect.
Why are you using a made up word that feels like something a small child would say? Also you don't need to flex your thersarus to write well. Use simple, clear language.

>First paragraph speaks of violence, third says there is no intimidation on the strip
This is a message conflict. Strip out the violence metaphors and mentions from the first paragraph if you want the message to be "tamed vegas".

>Where's the organized crime?
This part should be before the "tragically" paragraph as a lead in to that paragraph. It is a good turning point from present to past by setting up a question that needs answering.

>>18410081
No glaring errors on this part.

Overall it has potential. The information is interesting, the observations are well-paced and the contrast between past and present are solid.

Potential name for your work: Neon Graveyard. Many people don't realize the iconic signs of Vegas are gone. That might even be worth mentioning, actually. Pic related.