/lit/ - Literature

i haven't spoken to my girlfriend in a month or so because of an issue. today i got to talk to her, and once she told me that she just got her first paycheck for her first job a flow of tears started going down my face. i felt genuinely happy to see her doing well now. i haven't felt this human in a long time. i was having another fit of self loathing until i got her message, and seeing her sincere happiness really got me. i don't know. it just felt like a rare good experience from all sides and i wanted to share it.

>>18719088
Is refusing to accept uneventful mediocrity a good trait to have ? I'm at a place in life where i've had successive failures, and the people who have known me the most keep telling me to give up on my ambitions and just accept living without pursuing them. I know that they mean well with their advice and i completely understand what they mean by avoiding potentially life-ruining risks, but man, i can see my soul decaying and falling apart piece by piece every time we have this conversation. I have never felt more hurt before, to the point where i'm even considering suicide now that the very few things that keep me excited in life seem to get away from me. Should i really just give up ? Is it even possible to move on from these dreams when you're in a state of despair ?

She said i make her happy to be alive and am the best person she ever met. I don't think she's lying about the way she feels.
But i don't love her that much. Not to the extent of wanting to spend my life with her. It's a horrible situation and every single path seems to be leading to a very dark end. I don't know what to do.