/lit/ - Literature

Excerpt from in-progress novel:

Richard sat down gently, groping in the dark for the lid to the case of his video camera. Through the window, he could see that the couple were kissing, and had begun to take off each other's clothes. A few moments later, and he was watching the action unfold through his camera's viewfinder; he hadn't missed a salient detail. He held perfectly still as he adjusted the zoom setting; their faces were clear and recognizable. He smiled as he watched them climb onto the bed; they didn't even bother to get under the sheets. His heart soared as he watched the action unfold unambiguously. Finally, he thought, a little luck.
"*Evening*, citizen!" boomed a voice. Richard jolted, nearly dropping the camera, then whirled around to look in the voice's direction. Above him, lit entirely too well by the available starlight, crouched a lone figure in a superhero costume. Richard shuddered as he pondered the vigilante's outfit, wondering who started the trend of wearing swim briefs on the outside, and for the love of God, *why*. He suddenly regained his bearings, and turned back to the hotel window. The couple was still going at it hot and heavy; he hadn't missed any relevant action.
"Oh, you're being a *naughty* boy, aren't you?" the superhero chided. "You're not the normal sort of villain I encounter, but a do-gooder can't be choosy."
"I'm not a villain at *all*!" Richard retorted. "I'm a private detective. This is an adultery case."
"Oh!" exclaimed the costumed crusader. "My mistake." A short pause followed. "Well, I certainly can't blame him for being tempted," he offered. "She's beautiful."
"You idiot," Richard seethed. "*She's* the one who's married. My client is her husband."
"Really?" the superhero piped up, sounding genuinely baffled. "But he's so *gangly*. There's no accounting for taste, I guess."
Richard sighed heavily. "Will you *please* shut up and stop screwing up my evidence?"

She's not real