/lit/ - Literature

>>11269834
your bad grammar. It's "what's", not whats ok.

no u

Really want to read alot this summer. Books recommended?

>>11269834
Feeling the urge to write a book and never show it to anybody.

Cute Gondola.

I'm debating whether I want to get money from the government or not. I live in America so I know it'll be harder and people will look down on me (but be fine with military spending and corporate subsidies and all the other money the government flushes down the toilet) but I am seriously thinking about it. I have nothing to lose, really. I would like to get my 99% sure autism diagnosed but I don't have the extra money to talk to a professional. What a great country America is.

>>11269834
why is there a small bleeding nick on my penis?

i dunno man

the mystery of my existence drives me up a wall

why should a bunch of creatures capable recognizing the destructive nature of unhindered predators such as wolves let loose on a healthy deer population but incapable of recognizing and restricting its own wildly destructive nature deserve to proliferate across the stars?

why should it continue to exist if it cannot recognize its own parasitic nature?

>>11270441
because we think we're so fucking special and above it all. same thing applies to the tribes within our species, and individuals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo1pmEx6azY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uY1XXgCPJs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1D0RuaOxoI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqNeBIZacgU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etb1DfG-w1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPAPxpfIUKY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNZwgNlhmG8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5931M1e_vw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc61z1KYanw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICyFxaMlfII

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6_rA-hbReg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFgOo7TsDEs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpOOJWTT_LY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7gRdfqOGPI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PTTnyCKBj4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnIDTOR9EkM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiMZ4QQnQNU

>>11270562
tnks niga saved

i'm 28 in august and i still don't know what i want to do with my life and everything i even think i want to do takes a degree which i can't afford and don't really want because the american education system is fucking stupid and i highly doubt i could go to europe for a degree fuck america

>>11270562
>>11270577
btw have some of this

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheWelleszTheatre

https://www.youtube.com/user/puncuspallinus

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJZSLgt6I9Y67TGWNr9DEjA

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjIQf3xXKvNTim0GhUCKMEA

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4ujwup4v1sIK12CWttascw

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheWelleszCompany

>>11269834
why wont this society collapse already

>>11270684
WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY

>>11270684
the boomer fucks running things today still won't give up power, so it probably won't be till most of them die off and millennials and Generation Z start taking over and running things that shit really hits the fan

I'm having a hard time imagining a life I can enjoy living.

I can't imagine myself being successful enough to get past shitty jobs and no money.
And I can't imagine myself happy living like that for very long. The feeling of going nowhere with my only life is crushing.

All I have to comfort me is 4chan and anime.

I blame my father.

>>11270881
don't. responsibility is the first step to self-mastery. and i'm saying this as a guy who is still working on his shit also. but I know the buck stops with me, not him. don't tell yourself lies to make yourself feel better. tis but a gilded cage for thy fee fees.

>>11270905

nah there are external factors to blame the mindset you've taken is meme individualistic trash

>>11270881
he tried

>>11270914
literally any anon reading your post can see that the meme mindset here is yours. but if you're too angry to see that right now i get it.

>>11270929

i'm not even the anon with problems but you can take your cuck stoicism and shove it up your ass there are external factors to a lot of things and they can be blamed

>>11270982
imagine being so confused you think choosing responsibility and self-mastery over of wallowing in your feelings is being a cuck.

One day you will be 20 years from now. Lessons learned, wisdom gained, possibly equalled with regrets. You will look back on this time with clear eyes, perhaps not remembering this exact moment, but having a view on your problems and circumstances in this general space, and how it all worked out too. Likely, neither your greatest fears nor you truest dreams will have materialized, but you'll have made it through in a way that could never have been expected or determined. I yearn for the insight of that man in the future, with whom I hope to have little in common.

Feeling very inspired and enjoying writing right now. Is there a better feeling in the world boys?

"Conspiracy against the united states" is a catch-all charge for anything that harms the US government. It is NOT synonymous with "treason" and I wish people would stop saying that it is. I'm a /lefty/ and hate Trump and co as much as the typical liberal millennial, but this LARP that people are going to be convicted of treason and then fucking hanged is absurd. If charges are brought against high-ranking people it'll be for shit like money laundering or obstruction of justice. Also I'm reasonably sure execution by hanging would be found unconstitutional if tried today.

I want to fuck a cute girl with a really nice ass.

>>11269834
Want to read more but no longer have time now that i’m a lawfag. Can feel all the juicy lit I read in college seeping out of my noggin.

>>11271665
Why did you do law, everything I've heard makes it seem like a meme degree in this age unless you've got some sweet nepotism lined up for after you graduate.

i´m just eagerly awaiting for spring break so i can be in home all day watching movies and such, i hate college

>>11271677
Idk but i’m still in my twenties and think I might quit. Just donno how to make the escape as I’m utterly skillless outside of the field.

>>11271376
i might get hit by a bus tomorrow. dont assume you have 20 years left.

I am so retarded. I choosed CS because coding feeds my autism and i enjoyed it a bit, and i thought that i would not need to learn a lot of math. I am in middle of first year, and i realised that programming is LITERALLY applied algebra. I am learning complex derivatives and read SICP while i could read Marx and Hegel in same time. I question my choices and my sanity

>>11269834
I'm gearing up to have lunch, write a note, go for a bike ride and then finally off myself today.

It's comical how poorly I've done for myself, considering all of the opportunities I've been given. I come from a great family and grew up solidly in the middle class. My father is an incredibly intelligent man that graduated from West Point who's always been able to provide a comfortable lifestyle free from any real want. We lived in a pleasant neighborhood with modest, but well maintained homes. I went to one of the best public schools in the city through grade school and eventually chose to attend an a private, all-male, Catholic high school; my father's alma mater. Relative to my father, I've always been unremarkable in the classroom and always garnered the same comments from my teachers during parent-teacher conferences. "He's an intelligent kid but refuses to put forth the effort for him to excel." they'd say. I graduated with a 3.4 GPA.

>>11271924
Sounds like Kafka
Don't kill yourself anon

>>11269834
Summer is here and I already imagine how much of a wreck it will make of me.
When I'm around people I just can wait to run home, but when I'm really lonely for a week+ angst strikes like a hammer on my head.

>>11271924
If you would have told me 4 or 5 years ago that my life would turn out the way that it has I would have called you crazy.


My life has fallen apart and I just want the struggle to end. I'm a habitual under-achiever. I've attended two different universities and one community college since my graduation from high school. During my first year of college I swiftly developed a binge-drinking problem that reached the point that my head coach arranged for me to go to alcohol counseling, and said to me "Get your shit straight or I'm going to have to kick you off the team." I'm thankful that happened, as alcoholism runs rampant on my dad's side of the family.

My grades are shit because I'm lazy. Last fall I realized that nearly all off the content on exams came strictly from the text with nearly nothing added from lectures. Confident in my critical reading skills and comprehension, I chose to forgo lectures, and just take exams and midterms. I crushed all of my tests, earning some of the highest marks that I had since being enrolled in higher education. At the end of the term when grades were posted I found out that all of my professors failed me because of the university's attendance policy. I went to office hours to plead my case, saying that the point of college is to learn difficult content and be exposed to new and complex ideas. My test scores show that I clearly understand the content at a high level. The responses from my prof's were all thinly veiled excuses which boiled down to "You didn't attend my lecture, I don't care if you know the content." I had the test scores in all of my classes to have earned a 3.8 but bc I only parked my ass in the seat to take tests and not listen to a PhD read from powerpoint slides during the week, I failed. Every class. I was placed on academic suspension and had to take classes at a community college. My grades this last term because I came off my anti-depressants and fell behind and couldn't catch back up.

I'm 23. I have a shit GPA in a meme degree program.I haven't been able to get any internship placements because of my shit GPA. I've accrued a pretty significant amount of debt that I'm worried I won't be able to pay back. I can't find work for the summer.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm checking out. I'm done.

>>11272201
It's not that bad desu. Good call on the stopping drinking. I'm struggling with that right now. At least you're in college right? My undiagnosed whatever kept me out of college as I really don't like being looked at or talked about. Even today, but it was much worse when I was your age. I failed out of community college twice for that.

Unironically consider enlisting. The army has a loan repayment program, but you should really only use it if you've got a degree. They'll pay off student loans on your way in, assuming you keep your nose clean and stay out of trouble while serving. If you take that option you won't get free college after you get out though. Because you already had it, see.

>>11272201
thats weird dude, arent you afraid of death, like you will probably never going to wake up are you ok with this?

>>11271005
this
>>11270982
there are always external factors that can be blamed, your reactions to them are what make you.

playing the blame game gets nowhere fast, it is only acknowledging that you want others to take responsibility for yourself and ends with "the universe is at fault for my existence and everything that has occured during it" but the universe doesn't give a goddamn what you blame it for or expect from it.

the same pot of boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg.

>>11272254
I haven't earned a degree yet. I would, but the military won't take me on account of me being to the loony bin a couple years ago and the fact that I'm currently on antidepressants. I've thought about going to trade school but I don't feel like it'd be a good fit as I'm not really good at working with hands, and I'm worried that ultimately I'd still feel like I'm a disappointment and unfulfilled.
>>11272260
The permanence of death is terrifying and a large reason why I'm still here.
>>11271977
Thanks for your kind words

Do you ever think to yourself "maybe I'm right and everyone else is wrong"? "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." by Jiddu Krishnamurti comes to mind.

>>11270583

IIRC you can go to German university for free, so

>>11272698
Yeah but you have to get in, that's how the Euro model works. Government covers all your expenses for Uni, but only if you're in the top whatever percent of the population for whatever aptitude metric they use.

>>11272384
Still here?

>>11272384
you dont deserve to experience what you have, but your family also doesnt deserve to ecperience what you would be putting them through, you likely cant comprehend how much your dad loves you, and how much it would hurt and affect him. You should tell him you are going through a really tough time in life and need help. There are ways for your to make a living and enjoy yourself and life, take some steps back. There are many things you can do in the world. There are many little things to enjoy every day.

Felt a little bit of a pain in my side for about a week now. I've felt it before but not this bad. Almost feels like somethings stabbing its way out of me. I might be being over-dramatic but I'm worried about it. I think I'm going to phone up the doctor in the next couple of days if it hasn't gone away.

>>11272201
Move to Belize.

to be are not to be 2b is not the way to be

>>11269951
Maybedonotreadanything by Me

just came back from watching Hamilton and now i want to read so cool biographies. Can anyone give me some recommendations?

>>11272959
call doctor, it's probably a kidney/liver/appendix infection and you should do urine test.

>>11273639
Hangover Square

>>11272929
I'm still kicking.
>>11272936
I've really done goof'd myself. When I transferred to a CC for this last semester I promised to tell my folks if I wasn't doing well, and if I lied to them about my grades again they wouldn't let me live in their house over the summer. I told them that i was struggling and that I might be able to get I's in a couple classes, but I ended up failing them. If I'm not enrolled in courses this fall I'm going to get kicked off my dad's insurance and i wouldn't be able to afford my meds. My folks are incredibly insistent on me finishing out my degree, but it's a struggle. I have only a handful of 300/400 level classes that I need to take, but now my GPA is so torn up that I'm not even sure I'll be admitted anywhere.
>>11272967
If I had the financial means, I would.

I'm trapped in this cycle of torment. I can't shake the thought that it would have been easier on my folks if I had just taken my life two years ago. I wish it could have ended then. To continually get their hopes up just to inevitably let them down again is cruel. I'm ashamed of myself and my poor academic performances; knowing that parents believe that I have so much potential makes me feel even worse. I can't be the person they envision, and I'm so exhausted of being a disappointment. I've dug myself so deep a hole that now I can't get my. I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. I just want it all to end.
I'm writing letters to each one of my family members but typing them rather than writing by hand feels somehow insincere.

>>11272201
Hey you're just like me. I just flunked out of top college and dropped before they could fail me. Now i'm going to a community college and at least hope i can apply myself so i can transfer to a uni and get my shit together.

It's been 2 years since I graduated highschool and became NEET and all of a sudden I've become incredibly nervous and fearful for my future.

>>11273900
well are you in good financial security?

>>11273917
What do you think amigo

>>11273929
I'm guessing you're running low on goodboy points
if you want you can try and invest in property and stocks, and use the capital to go to college or something

>>11273879
I tried to rush into an accelerated 8 week term in CC; depression hit me really hard and I fell behind, and couldn't straighten it out. It's a lack of drive, not of wit. I've got debt for a meme degree and I'm terrified that I'm not going to find work, even if I do finish out my degree. I hope you're more successful than I was during your CC stint; I'm sure you'll be fine.

>>11269834
Should I stop reading a book because its bad.
Im reading Sanshiro, and I just dont like it, Ive basically stopped reading alltogether at this point because of how much the style just bores me. Its not canon or anything too. I might just ditch it and read something better, Im new to reading and I dont want to stop because of a shit book.

>>11273936
Where do I get started? I only have 2k inna bank.

>>11273943
what degree? psychology here.
>>11273951
read the /bizlit/ guide and go from there

>>11273836
What meds do you take, and for what? I am sure if your parents knew that you were on the verge of killing yourself, they would change their views and tone, they should at least, and not just in a get you locked up way. Dont kill yourself though. You are stressed because of high expectations and feel there are no other ways. You dont need mental institutions or meds or strait jackets, you just need regularity in your life, and clear paths and purposes, opportunity to work and live, hope, and appreciation for your daily experiences, of sustenance and the beauty of nature. What path are you in school, what are you trying to study, there is nothing else, you mentioned trade school, that it wasnt for you, what about trying to work at a restaurant, or at a hotel, or in another country, or on a farm (wwoof).

>>11273836
>I've dug myself so deep a hole
no you havent. there are 50 year olds that go to school. There are people that have been in jail for 5 or 10 years that get jobs. There are 60 year old mexican women that cant speak english with multiple jobs as maids and nannies. There are day laborers. There are fruit pickers. There are boat makers. boat washers. forrest rangers. zoo workers. dog breeders. flower growers. gardeners. etc. You are stuck in your situation, you need to relax and see the bigger picture and stop imagining others view of you harming you, pushing darkness onto you, the dishonest part is partially it is possible you want to hurt your family, because they feel you hurt them, you feel pressured and pushed, by them, a big shadow over you, part of you likely wants to give them the pain of partially knowing they pushed you to this... but it can and should be prevented.

>>11273944
Just drop it, you cant always come back to it

I'm definitely going to off myself tonight

Yes

I need a setting for my belt, either new york city or the rust belt

>>11274392
novel*

>>11274392
both duh

>>11273964
I'm studying Political Science.
>>11273991
I'm on Lamictal as a mood stabilizer and Adderall for ADHD.
>You just need regularity in your life, and clear paths and purposes, opportunity to work and live, hope and appreciation of daily experiences, of sustenance and the beauty of nature.
You're spot on. I'm adrift in the middle of the ocean; wanting desperately to get to shore but the uncertainty of not knowing which direction to paddle is causing me to feel overwhelmed- leaving me in a suspended state of inaction.
>>11274017
>You are stuck in your situation, you need to relax and see the bigger picture and stop imagining others view of you harming you, pushing darkness onto you..
I agree with this. I've definitely got an unnecessarily dark and perverted view that doesn't reflect the reality of the situation.
>dishonest part is partially it is possible you want to hurt your family, because they feel you hurt them, you feel pressured and pushed, by them, a big shadow over you, part of you likely wants to give them the pain of partially knowing they pushed you to this...
I understand how you could draw this conclusion but you're a bit off the mark. Undoubtedly, it's true that I feel pressured by my parents but I hold absolutely no bearing of resentment towards them. My parents are incredible people. They've provided me with everything I've ever wanted or needed. I understand that the pressure put on me comes from a place of love, an underlying belief that I'm capable, and a desire to see me succeed. Knowing that they sacrificed just to have me ultimately fail is what gives me such an incredible sense of guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Not wanting to cause my parents and friends such pain is one of the biggest reasons why I haven't ended it.

I want to offer a sincere thank you to the people that I've interacted with today.

>>11274594
email me if you want, we can talk about anything and everything, I wrote those last two you responded to:
derndernit123@gmail.com

>>11274594
hey i'm on Concerta for ADHD
Anyway political science can be good if you're into analytical stuff, but in all seriousness we both need to get our shit together and focus on the material. You need to attend classes and I need to pay attention to things i don't care about. We just need to work harder

>>11274594
How long have you been on those drugs? And have you ever considered weening off? That they could be exaggerating your experiences?

You can do what you need to do, you can be strong and focused and composed, you can not poison yourself with infinite worry and stress and pressure, and just focus on what you can accomplish, one day at a time, all you need is a way to make a living, you can do it, there are many people in the world that can help. Dont worry about what your family thinks as you work to figure out and make something of your life, whatever it is when you do figure it out they will be proud of you, and if they are not, then there is something wrong with them, not you. If they knew that you were in such a desperate situation and at such a verge, and they didnt feel bad and sorry and worried, and take back pressure, and give you love and comfort and understanding and good righteous decent honest help, then they are not good people. Be a good person, and live a good life, you can, and you will experience a lot of joy, there is a lot of worthiness for you to experience left in the world.

>>11270583
what have you been doing the last 10 years?

>>11274594
you are intelligent and your mind is vivid and powerful, its so easy for you to turn that force, inward and on yourself and just burn yourself. You need to take all that force and power and intelligence that is you and in you and direct it outward, constructively. Because it seems you are dwelling with your negative thoughts and just beating yourself up, more and more, instead of that tearing down, that time can be used to build yourself up.

>>11274297
Like five people have said that this thread but fortunately no one seems to have followed through. So again anon,
>don't do it
>your parents will be destroyed
>the people you know will be destroyed
>>"I don't know anyone at all I'm a friendless no-gf NEET"
>yes you do, even if you don't want to admit it you're not completely alone
>if you're willing to literally kill yourself you should be willing to make a major life change , like jumping on a plane to Asia or joining the French Foreign Legion
So just don't.

Ted Turner's Eleanor Powell fetish is both sickening and incomprehensible. She has teeth like a caricatured Chinese man and when she dances she looks like the bizarre hybrid of a wind-up toy and a cartoon stick figure. Looking disgusting, hand always covering her midriff as if her guts are about to pour from her abdomen.

>>11274682
I can't avoid it. I've been thinking about it since november from last year and procrastinating on all my duties because i told myself i was going to die soon. Now it's starting to catch up and i'm gonna get fucked

I wish I could just settle on a religion and put all of my belief into it. I certainly believe in a God and appreciate Christian history and aesthetics but Buddhism has always shown its truth to me as well. I wish I was born into a society in which I was deprived of knowledge of other religions and ideologies, as it would allow me to give myself to it wholeheartedly and have something greater than myself to live for

>>11274693
Short of being incarcerated in a high-security prison I can't think of a situation where it wouldn't be better to just try SOMETHING else first. Go start hitchhiking or some shit, see what happens.

The dog pulled and scratched at the boy’s trousers, tearing the cloth and ripping at the seams. Severus stiffened, expecting to be torn and bloodied, but the dog merely tugged the cloth away, leaving his arse bare to the cool air. He jumped at the cold wetness of the dog’s nose dragging over his haunch, down his crack, butting against his cock. Severus’s voice stuck in his throat until he felt the dog’s hot tongue snaking out to lap at him, then he let loose a high-pitched keen of shock.

The dog buried his nose in Severus’s bollocks, inhaling the pungent odour of his terror and getting high off it. His brute power exhilarated him, and his cock slid fully out, dusky pink and glistening in the moonlight. He considered shoving his cock into the boy’s mouth, but decided that would put him at too much of a disadvantage as it would give him a chance to bite him in his most vulnerable place. But he wanted to cow this snivelling prat—show him he wasn’t the one in control.

>>11274792

>>11274695
Nah, you don't want that. If you start thinking too hard about religion it drives you mad since scriptures are contradictory and few gods are truly kind. That being said, I'm in desperate need of more animal rape.

Severus didn’t know what to do, trapped as he was by the beast. Somehow, he felt like it was toying with him, humiliating him. He had no choice but to take it, and he had never felt so helpless in his life. That feeling intensified beyond belief when he felt the dog starting to climb onto his back. Hot breath wafted over his back and neck and he winced at the sting of the dog’s claws as they scrabbled down his sides and shoulders. But he wasn’t prepared for the degrading pain of being mounted. His mouth filled with dirt and leaves as he screamed, the dog’s paws pressing him into the ground and the dog’s cock smearing liquid over his arse until it found his resisting entrance and shoved in deep.

The dog’s weight as he straddled the boy forced his legs further apart, skidding through the leaves. He wanted to hump and thrust more than he had ever wanted anything else in his life. The urge was overpowering and his human mind seemed to take a backseat to the beast as he jerked his haunches, stabbing at the boy’s tight ring of muscle. When he reached his target and sank in, he flexed his paws, not caring that his claws left raw weals on the boy’s arms and shoulders. The sound of the boy’s ragged scream sent another jolt of power through him, and he growled and snarled as he pistoned in and out of the boy’s arse, taking what he wanted.

Severus choked and keened, whimpering and begging the dog to stop, to let him go, his tears mixing with the dirt to leave mud smeared on his face. The searing agony of the initial intrusion settled into a steady burn, and he struggled to regain his breath, willing the dog to hurry. He wanted nothing more than to make it back to the security of his bed in the Slytherin dormitory so he could heal his wounds.

>>11274792
haha burn in hell faggot

>>11274819
Only if I get to be a demoness fapping to hot guys getting raped. If not I'd rather sit on a fluffy cloud in heaven, lustily gazing at the poor tormented souls while I sip a martini.

are abrahamic religions eternalist?

>>11274688
this gal anon? are you a queer?

>>11270583
I have a degree and I still don't know what I want to do with my life either and I can't afford to move anywhere to start anew.

>>11274959
Watch her in a film. Something about the way she dances in the last number of "Born to Dance" really disturbs me, it's almost macabre. And even her face, look closely at her face, not just the cheekbones, it's like her skull is trying to escape from her skin. I don't wince at a horror film but this lady spooks me. I have enclosed a picture of a not-spooky lady to give you an idea of what I mean.

>>11270853
I feel the exact same way. Except replace anime with cum town.

I got big guap, pussy, yeah, I'm real rich
6 cars, 2 houses and I'm still rich

>>11272201
Hop on a train and be a hobo you retard.

>>11275021
the fuck is a guap

>>11273951
It's so incredibly gay that a NEET has as much in his bank account as me and I work my ass off.

>>11275009
I strongly suggest writing abuse smut.

>>11275018
https://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinema_women/eleanor_powell/03_eleanor_powel-theredlist.jpg

https://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinema_women/eleanor_powell/19_eleanor_powel-theredlist.jpg

https://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinema_women/eleanor_powell/29_eleanor_powel-theredlist.jpg

https://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinema_women/eleanor_powell/04_eleanor_powel-theredlist.jpg

https://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinema_women/eleanor_powell/12_eleanor_powel-theredlist.jpg

Elizabeth Taylor doesnt look remarkable there, the other girl is more refined and sexily beautifully sculpted. Taylor looks very standard there, like she could be a lunch lady.

Two nights ago I went to a dominatrix. Things were going well, but half way through, she got too extreme and I started tearing up. She then told me not to be a wimp, not to be a baby, and asked if I was going to cry like a baby. That completely broke me, and I put my hands up to stop her and started bawling like a child. I told her I couldn't take anymore, tipped her, and left. I cried all the way home and later jerked off while thinking about her slapping me and whipping my bare ass.

>>11275094
How do you even find one of those? Craigslist??

>>11275082
I'm sorry, her mouth is too big, her eyes are too wide, what do you want from me? She freaks me out. She looks like a hungry skelly. Don't shit on my taste, bud. You obviously had never even heard of Eleanor Powell before now.

>>11275116

>>11269951
https://www.muscledominationwrestling.com/master-kevin

I promise, I'm not trolling. Read the descriptions he writes for his videos. He obviously went to college for writing

>>11271661
Ultimately overrated. The true comfort comes from the moments after fucking the cute girl with the nice ass.

I remember playing those Minecraft Hunger Game servers way back in middle school with my best friend. We never won, and I always thought it was infuriating as fuck. Never the less it was fun hanging out with him. We got into WoW shortly after that, but we kind of stopped hanging out after that. I just found out the guy's getting married, and I'm still just here. Its fucking crazy how time flies. I'm still in my youth, yet I feel like I've wasted all my best years. I should stop feeling sorry for myself and look forward to the rest of my life. Fuck is it hard to do.

>>11273836
>I can't be the person they envision, and I'm so exhausted of being a disappointment.
Mate. Your parents sound like cunts, or they're just trying to instill discipline so that you succeed. I can't tell which it is, but I'm sure they have good intentions. It is only accident that this makes you feel terrible. You should talk to them about this, tonight if possible. Be 100% honest about how you're feeling and what you're going through.

Regardless, you should immediately stop comparing yourself to some fictional ideal version of you. Fuck that. That actually will drive you to kill yourself, and nobody wants that my dude. Even if your college career fucking crashes and burns and you somehow get a negative GPA or whatever, you're fine. College is not that big a deal. You're a smart kid, and oily smarts and a passion for something are what generates capital.

Sorry to hear about the military option being closed off. Maybe go the opposite route: Peace Corps? Or AmeriCorps? I've met some of them in my travels, and they are lovely people. They get a stipend, live in a shared house somewhere, and do good work. If you're worried about a resume you could do a lot worse. Come back to college when you've sorted yourself out a little more bucko. It's what I'm doing, and I'm fuckin thirty-six. God speed you past these troubles and we love you anon.

>>11275156
>manhands

>>11275094
lmaooo

also, this>>11275114

>>11274616
Thank you. I'll definitely be reaching out.
>>11274619
I tried Concerta when I was younger, it really bothered my stomach for some reason.
>In all seriousness we both need to get our shit together and focus on the material.
>We just need to work harder.
Right on brother man; we both have the aptitude for it. We'll get there.
>>11274660
I've taken adderall for nearly a decade, and I've been on the mood stabilizer for the last two years after my diagnosis with major depressive disorder. When taken as prescribed it actually helps me a lot, but my immaturity and lack of discipline cause me to struggle with taking it consistently. I have tendency to come off it cold turkey after I've had a prolonged period of feeling good, and I'm still fighting the subtle, nagging guilt and shame that I need medicine to feel "normal."
>Be a good person, and live a good life, you can, and you will experience a lot of joy, there is a lot of worthiness for you to experience left in the world.
Well put.
>>11274677
You're absolutely right.

>>11269834
Any written work sounds much better if the writer refrains from using contractions. This is a problem for me as I have made a habit of using contractions with some regularity. It looks like I have some work to do!

>>11275188
Thank you for your kind words. My parents definitely have good intentions; I'll start a dialogue with them here soon. The Peace Corps and AmeriCorps never crossed my mind as an option; I'll 100% look into it! Thanks again for taking the time to respond, I can't overstate how helpful it has been to talk with people today.

>>11275031
guap means money.

>>11269834
I haven't been able to hold down a meal for the past 5 months and I'm hungry

>>11275451
No worries mate. And for what it's worth the details on the people I met: they were full-time AmeriCorps VISTA workers living in a major city working for Habitat For Humanity. They were paid very little, just barely enough to support themselves really, but it seemed like a good life for them. Some hippies, most of them soft drug users, vegans, free spirits. Those kinds of kids. I was a little jealous of them tbhyfam. Best of luck man.

>>11275310
I don't know anything about the drugs to comment, but you shouldn't feel bad that you need them if you do, and its possible eventually you wont. Also time is a difficult thing and biology is extremely too. Its difficult to tell if your body is used to something for a long time, to then stop, there will be experiences, withdrawal, etc, and it will be extreme. People get withdrawal symptoms from caffeine, maybe from candy and fastfood, if they eat it regularly enough, maybe video games. So when you are close to that epicenter of stopping it is difficult to gauge things. You have the tendency to come off it cold turkey, how long would you stay off it and what are your experiences like. How many times have you came off it cold turkey, and when was the last? Aptly put, feel "normal", there are likely many different feeling normals out there. I have found that losing oneself in work is likely the easiest way to feel normal. Consuming information, reading, learning, being active, working, building, focus, attention, is like the most natural drug. You completely lose track of time, no worries but the task at hand, its meditative. And well, youve taken adderall for a long time, thats very popular this day and age with college students anyway right, for studying, and even the effects, but I dont know. You just need to relax a bit, get a grip, take deep breathes, and consider how many bright and colorful life paths you have.

My country is ran by a bourgeois class who glorify the proletariat with the same vaudeville style detachment with which they view other races, cultures and the entire host of identities people have invented.

Their objective status and unlimited resources allow them to play-pretend and intermingle with these groups whilst still remaining "with, but not of" them.

These mongoloids are celebrating themselves and their virtues whilst ignoring the issues their naive attempts at utopia have given birth to, but it's fine because they don't have children and thus the future is just another funny detached concept for them to fiddle with.

>>11275587

>>11275198

>>11275198
?

I've been feeling empty and alone ever since she left. Nothing can come close to the feeling of being appreciated and cherished by another person. I'd pour out my heart and soul to someone if that would get them to stay. I'd be there for them with every fiber of my being and I'd give up anything just to make them smile. I just want someone to love.

God i want to feel good again, i feel like bird doo doo

>>11269834
Does anyone know if Jordan Peterson is in New Zealand at the moment? Just this afternoon I swear I passed by him coming back from uni.

Fuck professors who put most of your grade on 1 assignment

Was at a tech conference today in Los Angeles for work. It was cool and everything, a little self-congratulatory as you'd expect with any business-tech bullshit.

Stuck up a conversation with one of the servers there handing out drinks. I asked him how his day's going and everything, and he did the same. Right away he said "there's no way you're from LA" cause of my voice, and I told him I grew up in Boston. He liked my ""accent"" (it's subtle), as he had never heard one in real life, so we started joking around and talking about our lives and backgrounds. He told me he's trying to straighten himself out after having dropped out of college years ago due to heavy drug use, including heroin, which fucked up the majority of his 20s. Said he's 29 now, mostly clean, and just trying to make some money until he figure things out. It was funny how quick he was to open up about himself, as if he wanted to tell someone, anyone, about what he's been going through. It was honestly really nice to listen to a guy as interesting as him, and I hope he enjoyed talking to someone that wasn't a "here's your drink sir" even if it were for a few minutes to a younger guy like me.

It was fitting how into Boston he was despite never having visited because he himself looked and acted like stereotypical city kid, almost like Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting - talked loosely, cracked jokes, seemed down-to-earth. The complete opposite of some fancy server you might see at an expensive convention in LA. Imagine pic related dishing out sodas to start-up CEOs and 30 year old coders wearing graphic tee shirts.

>>11274677

nigga just expressed full xenia and brotherly love for a total stranger.

and to think they once said starting with the greeks was a meme.

>>11275322
Whatever works for you, my dude. I used to think the same thing, back when I was in my early twenties. As you grow older your attitudes and opinions change, you’ll (hopefully) read a lot more and be exposed to different styles of media which will have a direct or indirect effect on your taste. I can’t quite remember the day I decided having a few contractions in my authorial voice was a good thing, but I do remember the day I realized Henry James was one of the greatest writers that had ever lived and taking in every little detail from his writing and noticing he had quite a few contractions in his narrative.

Seeing the replies in this thread fill me with the weakness to want to pour my heart out in too-purple-prose of my life and seek anon-therapy from the only people that I know probably relate. But another anon telling me it's okay is only a temporary therapeutic benefit, so instead what's on my mind isn't that validation today but "The Death of Queen Jane", Oscar Isaac's version from Inside Lleywn Davis. Great movie if you guys haven't watched it yet, and a greater song. Really something phenomenal for the depressive states of mind,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfeKFKG3JWM

>>11270365
God help us all

>>11270831

Comrade, generationalism is reactionary horse feathers meant to pit prole against prole.

Don't blame the boomers

https://soundcloud.com/citationsneeded/episode-38-the-medias-bogus-generation-obsession

>>11270365
we're all going to become schizo sociopaths, this is the worst thing I've seen in months. Ok bye /lit/

>>11275094
>>>/r/BlueMidterm2018/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpK1tjbeeA0

>>11276420
good taste anon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RWsgnZZrZQ

I saw my ex of two years today. I'm broken.

I want to accept the burden of consciousness but I'm too fucking dumb

>>11276560
the smarter you are the bigger the burden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHSOAThYQUM

>>11276611
That's why it's frightening, isn't it

>>11269834
I'm going to check with my doctor for depression next week.
Was a NEET for 3 years. Now I may be a NEET for life...

>>11276091
That's awesome.

>>11274906
Yes.

>>11275322
Completely disagree, I love the more informal style contractions create. Fits the zeitgeist more desu.
>greentext in novels fucking when?

I'm currently reading through Lolita

It's an incredibly book, but my reading is extremely slow (Around 30 pages a day). Humbert's obsession with Lolita and his later paranoia at her machinations at the second half of the book are interesting to analyze, though I wish I could read farther than what I have accomplished to finish this book and continue on to my ever-growing backlog.

That's something that caught me off guard. The backlog. I would usually struggle to find a new book to read before, but now as soon as I see something interesting I shelve it (Goodreads) and later on when I finish a book, try that one. Except I have like 30 books shelved and needing to be read. I'm sure there are other people are in worse positions than me, since I saw this other guy with hundreds of books on (To-Read).

You know what's incredibly under-appreciated for ensuring your mental health? Having a comfy room. Yesterday I replaced my bulbs with warmer colored ones, put some posters and goodwill records up on the walls, added a small rug, and arranged my desk to look nice. I feel a lot better today desu.

Usually when I see a meme I would smirk slightly. Like it is a bit funny image. But when I see Gondola I feel this odd calming feeling. Gondola only has two legs and is quite weird. There's this strange stoic loneliness when it comes to seeing Gondola. Pic related he's in the middle of the water looking at a duck toy. It is raining and I wonder how could he survive without arms. But yet he just stares at the duck with the same expression. Like it never bothers him and the more I watch the picture my heart gets calmer.

Last book of the Iliad almost brought me to tears...

Is there a such thing as an objectively useless person? I think I am.I seem to fuck up most things I try at, and I always make the same mistakes and never learn from them. I'm not very strong, or smart,or attractive,or clever. It seems to me that I have no redeemable qualities. When I ask other people of there opinions they often just say something like "you are smart anon" or book smart without proving it at all.

>>11276239
>>11276246

Don't worry, it's shopped. The original had ragecomic memes.

I truly love being alive, even if im depressed or in pain.
I love the feeling of being ALIVE

I've been extremely close to cashing out this last week, more than ever before. I've got people checking on me a lot to that's nice but I could really do with being admitted to the hospital full-time for a few days while I get off the alcohol. I think the lady I've been seeing there is going to try and swing it so I get a place if my liver's fucked enough to constitute an emergency. Scary times, man.

>>11269834
back and back and back and back again
the world keeps spinning but he see's the sun rise
where to be in the year is it that becomes the wise man
fun is a collection or records breaking on the pavement
that toothpaste banner is fucking killing me

>>11277395
I feel the same way when I clean my room. but I don't have any posters, I refuse to buy them. I like them but I feel pretentious having them. Idk how I feel about it. Maybe I'll just paint something.

>>11277910
No. You sound more self pitying and resigned. If you're aware of not learning from mistakes it means you've learned from them, and I don't know how you'd expect people to prove your intelligence to you. I think you believe yourself to be intelligent, but you want to be validated. Regardless, there's no separation of this kind of smart from that kind of smart - if you're smart, you should be willing to apply your mind to anything. If you can be aware of something wrong in your life then you have the faculty to fix it, it's only a question of will.

>>11277910
>Is there a such thing as an objectively useless person?
/lit/'s mods

>>11269984
the idea always appealed to me. it reminds me of the end of in the mood for love, when the main character whispers his secrets into a hole and stuffs it with dirt.

making something and denying it to the world is probably the only great political act a person can make in this day and age

>>11270441
It's hard to justify the notion that there's any such thing as "deserving" this or that, all living things just do as they feel, and while our feelings are a little more complex, at the end of the day what's most real to us is just moving forward.

>>11270982
you can't objectively assign responsibility anywhere, the problem is simply that blaming external factors for your condition leads you toward resignation and helplessness. It isn't useful except to console yourself and maybe resolve some shame you shouldn't be suffering in the first place. Taking responsibility is just a step towards taking control, to set yourself on the path of making things better.

>>11271376
thanks i liked this :)

Paranoid that I'm about to be banned for making a thread about bees.

>>11269834
I got a taste of the NEET life this week and I fucking hated it. A head cold snuck up on me this weekend and I couldn't go into work. My only human interaction was when my parents dropped by to give me some leftovers and medicine. I honestly can't fathom how there are people out there that spend all day browsing the internet, playing vidya and fapping.

>>11278781
Or anything fun in general.

>>11278785
If you have a mental disorder or Asperger's it's not hard. Reckon that the lifestyle is unsuited for most since normal people enjoy social interactions and mutual attention from another human being

I feel like I'm wasting my youth, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm already 17 and I've barely done anything remotely exciting that I'll remember for the rest of my life. My greatest fear is growing old and realizing I've wasted the best years of my life.

I have to admit I find subgenre/subculture of conspiracy really fascinating as it grows with modernity. Freemasonry, rosenkreuzenism, New World Order, spirituality behind it, pagan/Satanic undertones and the entire lore that surrounds it. One shouldn't talk about it in public though, I think

>>11276091
Nice. I hope he's doing alright. Will pray for him. Thanks for reporting in, anon. Also I'm watching GWH today because of your post.

Flowers for algernon makes me sad and feel like a brainlet

>>11278856
>already 17
have fun thinking about it somewhere else underage b& newfag retard

>>11278856
you are literally a child. get your mama's permission to enlist in the marines. that'll teach you.

>>11277395
Having flowers and plamts help
I like my "jungle"

>>11278993
>>11279006
>20 year old boomers

>>11278856
>that 17 year old boomer who doesn't realize you have to be 18 to post here

>>11269834
Third or fourth day in a row that I cried a lot for nothing. But now I'm all fine. Going to see the doctors next week. Maybe I don't have depression, but bipolar. I hope meds will help though. I need to get a job too...

Thinking about the future. Graduating in a couple of weeks with a degree in Math, and trying to figure out what to do with that. I've gotten back into reading in the last few months which broke me clean out of the neat bubble I had been living in. Instead, I'm angry or miserable most of the time, and constantly repulsed by the life I'm supposed to desire, how impossible it is to talk to anyone about anything that's even one degree of abstraction removed from their immediate perception, how fucking goodthink everyone is.

I dunno. I genuinely desired love and acceptance as recently as a month ago, but something broke inside me and I can't find my way back.

>>11279121
Good luck man. Once you've started telling people what's happening it can only go uphill

>>11269834
I think Gondola, if done correctly, can be extremely literary

>6 years since I finished college.
>can't get into any universities.
>no job.
>no friends in 9 years.
sometimes i wonder why i bother
why not just jump down the window and crash to pavement from 9th floor

TzIABARARAFARABSCSKDGDGDHXSDVDHHDDBDIBSGATTARRARRARARARRARARARARRARARARARRA

F$DDSSSSSSSXSXXXXSSSSX
KBAUUUUUM
PIPIPIPIPIPI
PIPIOU PIOU PIOU PIPIOU
RAAAARARARARARARARAR
OSMIOSMIOSMIOSMI
TZINTZIN TZIN TZIN
KKRRRRRR PAPAPAOAPAPAPAPhsvxispsgwvshzvxhsbshsgzvzgsvshsvsvsysvzhisshhshshsvshxvjxhBa
Hshsgshsushs

Kafrrrrrrrrrrrr
Fsiom
Aoum kampoum tsk tsk tsk

>>11269834
My communication issues are barring my ability to connect with women/friends, but mostly women. I’m pretty sure it’s because I grew up in a single income household as an only child. I should go to therapy, I bet 5 or 6 sessions would be extremely helpful

>tfw actually enjoying your work
Academia may have a ton of problems, but at the end of the day its really nice desu.

>>11279694
Sorry to tell you but they won't. Best hope for us is to reroll our lives.

>>11274297
Do it.
Next venture: the great beyond

I'm trying to write a poem/song about the correlation between words and love and how impact saying the right or wrong thing can be to either side. It was going great for a while but I've run out of metaphors.

>>11279929
you contribute nothing and leech off of tuition and tax dollars
>>11279694
therapy is as effective as a placebo and so are psychotropics. you’re better of dieting and exercising

>>11280525
>you contribute nothing and leech off of tuition and tax dollars
And that's a good thing!

>>11279929

Academics are cancerous circle jerking faggots usually with average to slightly above average IQ. Yet you never cease to have your hands out pleading for funding just to sit around and circle jerk some more. Why on Earth should you failures of this world, be able to dictate my education BY LAW when I am 150+ IQ? Huh? HUH? All your curriculum does is shove actual intellects into a one-size fits all box. My academic career from when I was in short pants to when I graduated college was maddening in a literal sense because of sentimental "color in the lines" garbage humans like you. You have no idea the minds that you have marginalized and destroyed with your casual cruelty. Fuck you. You are parasites; and you go on with your life with a belief that you are selfless heroes. I spit on you.

Sincerely,
Fuck You

>>11280567
Academics usually have an IQ five points superior to the average of their major

I'm reading One Thousand and One Nights and I think I'm going to become a Muslim. They know how to treat a woman.

>>11280577

Just smart enough to teach; not smart enough to apply their skills to real world issues and succeed. SCUM.

why do people regard this cunt to such high praise? just read the book and about 80% of it it's just some accessory filler that means fuck all; Always quick to suck the medici and borgia cock

>>11280567
You sound like someone who unironically posts >tfw to intelligent for school
also
>lol

>>11280585
>real world issues
spook.

>>11280602

t. leech of the state

>>11280607
>implying this is bad

>>11280602
what is your field of academics?
>>11280567
what is your interest of study?

>>11280612
Give one or two reasons why its good

>>11280602

I unironically am to intelligent for school. I put a minimal effort in to maintain my 4.0 GPA through college just to "play your game"; and the majority of my learning was done on my own time without the restrictions of people and policy unworthy of my time or attention.

>>11280617
>it takes money away from the state that would have otherwise been used to murder more brown people
>it does its small part to preserve non-commercial institutions from the creep of 21st century techno-capitalism

>>11280622
Then you should have gone to grad school where all you do is learn
>without the restrictions of people and policy unworthy of my time or attention
(at least after the first year or so)

>>11280613

strategic communications, entrepreneurship and innovation, and a minor in social psychology

>>11280655
>entrepreneurship and innovation
Anon, I.....

7,000,000 people and no one does anything that unusual just for the sake of itself.

>>11269951
Ye i recommend books if you want to read a lot

>>11280678

>>11280673
I'd rather not get arrested.

>>11280655
thats what you are an academic in? What is an example of the work you have done?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI_QL9MqjxY

>>11280689
I'm the guy that posted the original post in this chain, the guy you're replying to isn't me.

>>11280689

I'm the other guy. You asked what I studied. I double majored with a minor and now I own a consulting company.

>Consulting company for what anon?
Fuck you, that's what.

I want a job
I apply for a job
I see that the job wants me to have 2-5 years of experience in a job
I apply anyway
I can't get a job
I repeat

Alright.

>>11280664

I have a slightly above average penis in size and girth too.

I really should get a gf and a social life but it's so much work. Not just because sex, but to have a reason to better myself, to have a reason to want to wake up the next day.
Whenever I try to do it I just get disappointed half way through and throw everything into the trash.
For some reason the possibility and the feeling of confidence that you get when almost getting to your goal is far better than the actual goal. It's like the act of going to shop for some shit you always wanted and having it in your hands feels much better than actually using the thing you just bought.

>>11280709
so you are not an academic?

>>11280768

That's the other guy. Why would I ever waste my talents on academia? I broke free from that mediocre grouping of power trip addicts as a success; an achievement of my own volition. Why would I ever return, except to burn the sheltered structure they huddle under to the ground?

>>11280725
This sort of looks like DFW.

>>11279929
Is this chim?

>>11280715

>he doesn't lie on applications

lol seriously anon?

>but they'll check my references!

no they will not

>they might try to verify another way though?!

fake your diploma/past employment with a printer and a website builder; but don't get greedy (they will never believe a retard like you went to an Ivy League.

Jeeze. It's like you millennials don't even WANT a job.

>>11280715
>>11280811

Don't listen to that faggot. If you get caught you will get black listed and possibly sued.

It sounds like you aren't presenting yourself in a beneficial light. Also stop trying to get minimum wage jobs at large corporations. Small bussiness's higher on character. If you really need some money, manual labor is easy to find but brutal. Or start your own business the internet is your friend.

>>11280811
>tfw ywn be a young clint eastwood

Why do I enjoy messaging a woman who is 12 years older than me and lives 1,000 miles away more than I enjoy texting the girl my age who lives 3 miles away?

>>11280955

Because you're an idiot. and the dick always wants what it can't immediately have. You're going to emotionally cripple the girl close to you and she will become another whore that messages boys 12 years younger than her that live across the country when she is a socially rejected and single 38 year old.

Break the cycle anon. Buy that nice girl across town some flowers and take a walk with her.

>>11276728
>>11278910
Thanks anons. It's a two-day conference so I ran into him again today and we got to chat more. Then later I saw him hanging around and cracking jokes with his coworkers, making them laugh and lightening the mood. Looked like he was by far the youngest worker there, but he didn't give a fuck and was trying to enjoy himself which was really cool to see.
Yeah, GWH is one of my favorites

>>11274671

neeting up mostly

Will anyone read my extremely complex sci fi novel?

Actually got a warning about being banned for posting the congratulations meme in a shitty Harry Potter thread that ended up being deleted. Absolute state of /lit/ mods right now.

i really wish i had majored in english literature instead of stem. such a wasted opportunity.

>>11281212
Same here. Or at least have majored in both. But I try and read or write when I get home from my office job, even though I'm tired and it's hard. How about you?

>>11281282
i read on my lunch break and at night. i write in the morning before i go in to work. its better to do your creative stuff in the morning imo so you dont get too tired from work to be productive. just wake up an hour earlier and write then.

>>11281301
That's impressive. I have no discipline and cannot physically get out of bed until I need to. Maybe I'll try and work on that

>>11280673
Hey, I'm trying over here.

>>11281212
I made $22,000 last year.

i just want to go to bed feeling at least a bit complete.
so when i wake up i will usually write down my dream(s) and on the back of this notecard i write small little things i see that i can learn about or sound interesting to me. i find writing down the highlights of my day really helps me see the value in them.

i will then tomorrow define each dot and see its importance, which leads to a new notecard of dots for the following day.

would love to hear anyone else's little creative routines

>>11279965
>>11280525

I have observed that the discourse of only children is egocentric ie relating only to self and self’s experience. I need to practice, not learn, how to engage in this type of conversation.

I need to practice telling my truth, asking for what I want eg “can I please kiss u,” “I really like you.” Idk man I come from a weird household, mom hasn’t had sex in like 21 years. These are things that come with time and maturity surely, that therapy will give me an avenue to practice these skills, skills which may or may not be Honed in traditional families. Even writing this has therapeutic value, but you do not know me, my face, nor my identity. It’s pretty easy to confess while anonymous. You cant look into my eyes, hear my sincerity, my vulnerability.

>>11281397

>creative routines

True creativity does not come from routine my dear.

>>11281430
i dont believe this
routine opens up more space in the mind to imagine. i find that the most routinely done tasks are the crucial setting to my most rewarding thoughts.

>>11281406
You mean how to engage in non-egoistic conversation?

>>11281442

Watch this Ted Talk on original thinkers.
I'm sure you're creative anon; but your personality type has a very hard time being a true creative.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxbCHn6gE3U&t=154s

>>11270365
decent edit, use the puppet tool to warp the memes around to better fit the shirt

>>11280650
I think he does not like the atmosphere or way they make their money anon, there is more than just a lack of stimulation here

>>11281490
maybe mainly private institution which rapes money from their students, probably skirts in ways on paying taxes, then takes money from the public, to fund who knows what including likely superfluousidity and frivolity

I gain ideas through mediation. Sometimes i will lay down and ask myself how i feel till a vision comes into my head. I then use it to make paintings.

To me there are basically two things i ask myself to be creative.
How do you feel, and what do you see.

1. i will sit there and meditate on existence, feelings, reality, history, time, people, until i get a vision

2. what do you see. like litrrrly, what do you see right in front of you. Another thing i do is steal. But i dont rip off. I will steal an idea or style. Like if i see edvard munchs "the scream", i will steal that idea, i will do a portrait of someone screaming. Or i will steal the style and paint something else.


One esoteric way of creation i have discovered is role playing and method acting. Rather, through meditation, pretend to be someone or something else, then wait for a vision


Okay, the last way i create things is i pick an emotion and i decide to make a painting that is the embodiment of that emotion.

Wait, just remembered. I took the idea of the occult sigil. One way i do create things is by painting things i desire.

I think basic human artistic creation can be divided into two forms, materialist, and spiritual

I got this idea from the van gogh painting the potato eaters. So, a materialist would paint reality. The poor, landscapes, shit like that.

But a spiritual person would paint fantastical things, like uhhh dali paintings. or just romance and fantasy.

>>11279438
Don't do it anon. Get out there, find a minor job, work it for at least a month. You'll feel much better.

The flimsy framework of my existence, along with the walls and embellishments I've incidentally built with it must constantly be tended to and kept together.

If it were to fall apart, I fear that I would not have the means to put it back in its place. Even if I were able to, I fear that I'll be left further behind than prior to where I had been.

They say life isn't a race. They also think careerless 30-somethings are "failures".

I feel a pain deep within me that cannot be cured with drugs, drinking or even the deepest of love. Drugs, and drinking - I've learned - only seem to worsen the feeling and consequently are no longer a means of escape for me.

____________________________

To others, I seem fine. I appear to be happy, functional, comfortable and likeable.

Yet, I feel loneliness while never actually having to appear to be it.

>>11281454
i definitely agree that i do have a hard time in being creative, but it is so rewarding to me that i still do so.

i actually would say that i am the end of that first chart, simply a terrible procrastinator. and hopefully my little notecards and logs are trying to break me into that higher creativity - grey area that the first chart shows.

>>11281518
enjoyed this post anon, good luck

>>11281670

I like your spirit anon; good on you.

>>11281656

You should try insanity. It only hurts for a moment; but the chaotic mind finds peace when it is in pieces.

>>11281682
: ))

>>11281694
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbDNP9R23h4
I
DON'T
WANT
TO
GO
IN
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

>>11281430
Most creative geniouses were very disciplined so this statement is literally wrong.
>>11281454
>Watch this TED talk.
kys

>>11281694
i think i tried this. it didn't work. unless i misunderstood.

>>11281712
csr! this works for now.

>>11281778
here, have some sweet ebm too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEQfLF0Qx7Y

>>11281743

>Most creative geniouses were very disciplined so this statement is literally wrong.

Are you going to name some of these geniuses anon?

>>11280673

I ate a sandwich in the rain the other day. People always say they enjoy rain; yet they clamor for shelter in mild hysterics. I pity them. That sandwich was delicious and the rain was very refreshing.

>>11281778

You didn't try properly. There is no path back.

>>11280868
>possibly sued
On what fucking grounds lol?

I just spend half an hour discussing/preaching/ranting to mum about how there's nothing really great that's made any more; all the songs have decreased in the complexity of their melody/timbre; nothing is ground-breaking any more, there's nothing of culturally significant output that really sticks out to one as even having a modicum of what's needed to be a lasting object of art or notable part of history.

To craft artisanal posts on the internet seems to be the zenith of cultural output in the current day and age, the age of mediocrity.

What should one do? Laugh.

>>11269834
I'm going to be sleeping in the wild with little preparation for the next two nights over the weekend. It's probably going to be cold and possibly boring. I'm ready to go home, I need to write during my free time. Maybe I will when I'm camping. I need money, I need employment.

>>11282794
The Witcher 3 was good tho.

>>11275009
degree in what?

>only feel in a creative mood late at night when I'm too tired to work very long
>only feel able to work during the day when I'm too focused on other things to be creative
release me from this suffering

>>11282794
Some incredible albums were released in the 2000's, even if the 2010's have been kind of bad I'm not sure I'd say music is dead quiet yet.

>>11282794
There must some great stuff on the indie scene out there, surely.

Tweakin', tweakin' off that 2C-B, HAAHN??!
Is he gon' make it? TBD, HAAHN??!
Thought I was gon' run, DMC, HAAHN??!
I done died and lived again on DMT, HAAHN??!

it's my birthday tomorrow, and it will be the first big event in my life without my father. he passed away last month, and now here I am constantly pretending to be ok while never really understanding what keeps me going. he wanted me to celebrate, but how the fuck can it be a celebration if everything I feel returns to this devastating pain. I will be having lots of people over, family and friends, but it will be impossible for me not to break down crying at some point. I don't want anyone to pity me but how can I cope?

Should be tinder bio be about my interests or just some generic funny joke?

I've always thought pussy juice was alkaline.

>>11281541
Can't get a job, no experience, too old and history of spine issues which always torpedo my interviews.

>>11278158
I like your post

>>11283533
A generic funny joke but not too generic, witty but not "intellectual" and a bit meta but not too much. Or you know, your interests

>>11283533
Both. Try making a joke out of your interests

>>11269834
I'm in a completely different line of work than what I thought I would wind up in. Although I don't dislike my office job, I'm reluctant to accept that I may not be cut out for the sciences, I might not be able to get my Master's in my field, and that this could very well be my life for the foreseeable future.

I have decent enough options for advancement and my meager salary feels impressive compared to the money I survived on before I landed the job. However, due to my position in the company, I'm not sure how I will be able to take any vacation time to do some traveling with my newfound income. I've wanted to visit several countries since high school, and now that I'm finally bringing in the resources necessary, I lack the time to make it a reality.

Another matter troubling me is that no young, single women work at my office. I missed the boat in college, and now I'm 27 with little time outside of my job to socialize, no real grasp on how to socialize, and no real drive to resort to the digital meat grinders that are Tinder, OkCupid, etc. Anime provides some escapism, but the problem with that is that you always have to come back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODhNU0hi8CU

>>11284081
you’re fucked, enjoy being 33 making 60-70 k with no woman and no kids, in the exact same job/occupation

college=>marriage or at least you should have picked up a social network and in’s with women your age. no one will tell you this because boomers and recruiters are sociopaths but socializing is half of university life

>>11275094
Post more.

I'm a smoker and I found a bump under my tongue this morning. Google said it could be Cancer, so I spent the whole day freaking out until I saw a dentist, who looked at it for 30 seconds then told me it was nothing. What a fucking waste of time.

>>11284334
Just to be on the safe side, I'd get a second opinion on that.

>>11284334
stop smoking you dipshit its going to eventually cause a disease

>>11284225

>60-70k
>33

I mean that sounds pretty good to me, is that not a lot?

'Her death was surreal. The three of us watched it. It still does not make sense. Maybe it made sense to the nurse: Just another night shift in palliative care. I could say this: what I saw was paranormal. But life after death, NO. The family with their prayers. Everybody adhering to "Destination: Heaven." Well, fuck a God that creates us to worship him. God is too human. I filed faith away as myth long, long ago.

When they took the tube out, she flinched. I felt her annoyance somewhere deep inside myself. She tensed as if to puke. Her nose wrinkled and she grimaced. The most active I had seen her all day. I know we all leaned in and braced ourselves. Was she hurting or was that an involuntary response? Could she feel that annoyance? Probably just us.

They tell you all kinds of things to make you feel better like the meds are strong enough. "She's feeling no pain." Someone even said that this bag here -- this is the drug that Michael Jackson couldn't get enough of. I am numb, I am crying, I have been both for hours now.

One cannot know. How can you tell? If they say, they do they will lie to you with fear and love.

Mom swallowed hard. The nurse lifted her head and rearranged the pillows. For a moment, mom's eyes opened. I had wished for this for hours. She looked right at me. I was still, and I remember saying "Ma?" and searching for the hope of maybe saying goodbye, or hello, or anything. Her eyes. She wasn't looking at me. Wasn't looking through me. She was in a coma and liver failure. There was nothing behind those eyes. Her eyes opened unnaturally, and all that shone back at me was an abyss. Blackness. Void.

Her blood was poisoned. Her brain was awash in toxins. The inevitability had arrived. We were numb. We understood the abstract nature of "passing." Here was that abstraction. Speak, memory! Tell me again what happened.'
Also, can someone recommend great literature that captures the process of dying?

Not Simone De Beauvoir's book, pls.

>>11284382
Literally doing the Allen Carr course tomorrow. Should work out.

Feelin' empty and hopeless
At least it's rainy and cold right now

>>11284347
>:(

How do you write a novel?

>>11284563
Discipline?

>>11284584
No, I mean give me the steps. Make it 20+. Give me the play-by-play, the low-down, the manual. I'll fill in the story. Just tell me what to do, for how long, physically, how to move.Please

>>11284596
>get an idea
>start writing
>continue writing
>when you're done stop writing
>if it's long enough you have a novel

>>11284596
I'm looking for the steps like you.

if it were a 20 plus step process it would be easy and humans want easy.

I'll try to help. Find something that hurts and face it on the page. Stare it in the eyes.

Take Zadie Smith's gist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LREBOwjrrw

I don't know, fren.

>>11270024
Gotta spend money to make money

I want to find a way to watch plays for free. does anyone know a site?

i'm graduating college this week

on tuesday the uni organized an outing to a sports game and a bunch of students went.
afterward we all ended up at the same bar, and i met this girl through a friend

we talked about inane shit or whatever for a bit, then went down to the dance floor. i told her i was gonna go grab a beer, but stopped to relieve myself first, and by the time i got back she was gone, and i was a bit bummed

but she came back from the upstairs portion of the bar with the friend soon after, and we danced next to each other to mr. brightside for about a minute, and then she asked if i wanted to go outside for a smoke, and i said yes of course

we went outside, and got to actually talk. we didn't even talk about much, but she had this wry, quiet humor that was really appealing. like a guy came to ask for a cigarette and she asked him to tell her a joke first (a landlord goes to evict a buddhist. the buddhist says "namaste")

we were both nicely buzzed and we spent most of the time just saying shit i think to justify looking at each other. she had beautiful green eyes. definitely a sort of alt girl, but not at all in an obnoxious or trite way. she told me a funny story about how she got a job at the local student-frequented bar when she turned 21 after going there for years on a fake with her sister (she's local). i was glad also that she knew about a really shitty dive bar in the area, and we laughed about how you can order shitty pizza and behind-the-counter mexican food through an actual hole in the wall into the place next door.

we finish the cig and go back inside, and she takes my hand as we walk back in. inside i pulled out the beer i had kept in my pocket and she thought that was really funny since it just materialized out of nowhere

anyway by now im getting worried that i'm falling for this girl. i have a long-term girlfriend who i lived with this year, things are ok, but i forgot what it feels like to get butterflies around someone, and to really enjoy just standing next to them. i know that if i spend more time with her its just going to make me feel worse, so i decided to postpone thinking about it for the moment and went to get another beer

im at the far side of the bar, and its really crowded, people just packed in. when i get up to lean on the counter, i see her ordering a shot at the counter across from me. we make eye contact and she smiles at me in a melting sort of way, her face glowing. the beautiful thing was that it wasn't even something like a flirty smile. i just think the smiles (i smiled back in the same way) came from being genuinely glad and excited to see each other, and it made me feel really warm. i also thought that her getting the shot had something to do with us hanging out

but as she walked back to the dance floor and i paid for my beer, i knew i needed to cut it off now, otherwise i might lose it and go home with this girl or kiss her, which i was increasingly wanting to really badly

(cont)

>>11284686
i go back to her, and breath in as if to say something, knowing that this was the decisive moment, deliberating whether i should cheat or not, whether i wanted this. and she knows i think what's going through my mind, and for a moment or two i sigh and smile at her and she smiles back at me. and then i tell her i can't do this, we should just be friends. she gets defensive and goes "oh just friends, ok", but i tell her "no,no, not like that, i have a girlfriend that i live with, and im sorry but i just cant." but i told her too many times after that that she was really fucking beautiful, and she was glowing again. and finally we spent a few more moments looking at each other and smiling, before she came and kissed me on the cheek. i said something I can't remember (i think it was just "i can't") and pulled on her shoulder a bit and gave her a kiss on the cheek. i don't know if she said something else, but we sort of held each other's hand and i said "bye", and then she let go as she turned away

i stood on the dance floor and watched her walk away to the entrance, pull out her phone and call a car. i think that's what did it for me, that she left the bar directly after.

i went to the bathroom sort of agonizing over this. and then i decided i wanted to keep talking to her and ran outside to look for her, went up and down the block, but she was gone.i went back in and i realized i didn't know her name, so i asked her friend, and then went outside again to call my friend i never call to vent about it. and of course her name was fucking perfect, just exactly suited to her personality and how i felt about her

(cont)

>>11284700
now i can't stop thinking about her and it's tearing me up. yesterday i became distant with my gf because i was thinking about her, and i was pretty anxious all day. i took a nap though, and when i woke up i felt very calm, and decided i'd send her a message on messenger asking if she wants to meet for coffee or something. i also wanted to see a picture of her because i was starting to forget exactly how she looked, so i quickly reactivated facebook and checked her profile. was glad to see a quality artsy cover photo and a nice kid pic as profile pic. also glad that she rarely posts statuses and stuff.

it was nice the way i was feeling after i woke up from the nap. contacting her definitely felt right. i put on clothes that i knew i felt most comfortable in (personality wise) and went to campus to do some work and hopefully meet up with her. but she didn't get back to me, and still hasn't seen it yet, which means she actually hasn't checked the inbox, or she hasn't accepted the message request. hoping its the former, but now im getting anxious about the whole situation again. yesterday would have been perfect, my girlfriend was with her friend and i felt comfortable meeting the girl for coffee. now that another day's gone by it's too late i think to kindle something. unrelated, but i hope she knows my name, because we got introduced really quickly and it was loud

last night i met up with some friends, and when i was drunk i messaged her "offer still stands". apparently later i got black out and ranted basically this to my mate

so that's what's on my mind

I'm scared of being reborn after death.

>>11284774
why? if you're a good guy you might be born to a rich family. Also i have my suspicions of reincarnation being real because of a certain dream i had

>>11284793
I just don't want to go through life a second time.

>>11284819
but it's highly unlikely that this your first life. so don't worry, you've gone through rebirth before

just live a good life and try and learn as many lessons as you can and your next life might be more comfortable

>>11284819
Nietzsche's thing about having to relive your life over and over again is one of the most horrifying things I've ever heard. At least with reincarnation something different is happening.

>>11284858
I suffer from schizophrenia and I constantly feel like shit because of the anti-psychotics.
Horrible.

>>11284858
>Nietzsche's thing about having to relive your life over and over again

?

>>11284872
Eternal recurrence?

Time is a flat circle.

Rust Chole.

prob a misinterpretation

>>11284863
My grandmother had paranoid schizophrenia and lived with us when I was in junior high until she died shortly after I dropped out of school.

I know that experience in a strong way.

Do you have to take the meds?

>>11284891
>>11284858
I think his idea was that one should live as if they had to live their life over and over again

>>11284904
>Do you have to take the meds?
Yes, or else symptoms return.

>>11284911
I like that idea.

That is how one ought to live, methinks

>>11284911
I understand that, I didn't mean that he thought that was what happened I just meant that I found the idea terrifying.

>>11284686
damn man, thats why you dont have a girlfriend if your not sure your gonna marry her, incase you meet your wife, but maybe youre not really sure of anything, and can fall in love with 10000 girls, maybe this new girl you would fall in love with, be girlfriend, marry, live with, and then meet another better one at the bar, and same thing

>>11284931
And the symptoms..
Are they ok with you? Just odd to others?

Because I feel schizophrenia is something like an inability to regulate free association in thought and speech and action, (to crudely simplify things)

Am i close or off the mark there?

>>11284911
burger tier interpretation but as a general heuristic it's pretty good

>>11284951
Terrifying because of the immortal aspect?

or terrifying because you would have to confront yourself, make your mind an ally, take responsibility and search with nobility for the right way to life this life?

>>11284997
Because doing the same thing over and over again FOREVER sounds horrible. I could live the most noble life, or the most pleasurable life, or the most fulfilling life, and I still wouldn't want to do it over and over again indefinitely.

>>11284973
Delirium and being extremely paranoid, strange beliefs.
Especially the delirium is disruptive to me.

>regulate free association in thought and speech and action
I feel like that describes Tourette's or tic disorders more than Schizo.

>>11284980
lets see your correction and extrapolation. What was said that was wrong. And state what you think and know to be right

>>11285008
but its already a macrocosm of most peoples lives: some chefs cook the same things every day, mechanics work on cars, doctors check patients, farmers farm, cashiers cashier, news anchors anchor news. If you could accept doing it for years, then yea, more years, more years, and still enjoy the fruits of life

I want a good /leftist/ podcast desu. Chapo is garbage.

>>11284960
and so the cycle goes ...
yeah, i mean, that's possible. i just don't get this sort of feeling. there's the occasional carnal lust over some thicc qt, but that's it.

>>11285387
so what are your true impressions of this bar girl? You have more in common with your girlfriend? Shes better looking? Better personality? You could imagine satisfactorially dating her for 3 years, 5? marry her? Or its mainly the mystery and thrill of the hunt, as you said, butterflys,

Should I shave my legs? I kind of want to, since they're quiet toned and it might help attract qt's, but I also don't want to create an expectation that they'll be shaved all the time since that seems like a real pain in the ass to keep up.

I got pulled over because apparently you have to leave a lane open for emergency vehicles, and the fucking state trooper gave me a ticket because he has to make his goddamn quotas. The fucking thing can go up to 500 dollars, and I only have like fucking 50. Kill me for being such a fucking idiot.
>>11285598
>Should I shave my legs?
I think a lot of women would think its weird if you aren't a swimmer or any other athlete that could benefit from it, but ultimately if you like your legs like that you should go for it.

>>11286151
>because apparently you have to leave a lane open for emergency vehicles
that's common sense, I'm glad you got a ticket

BBCposter is the best thing that has happened to this board in months

Taxi Driver

>>11286151
>you have to leave a lane open for emergency vehicles,
whats that mean
>>11286207

what was the context? highway? street? you were parking? on/off ramp? no blinker?

>>11286207
>I'm glad you got a ticket
The guy was off the road giving another guy a ticket. I'm sorry I'm retarded.
>>11286287
I don't know the damned name of the lane off of the rightmost lane but he was there and I passed by him in the rightmost lane not realizing that I was supposed to move over left one lane.

>>11286399
>I don't know the damned name of the lane off of the rightmost lane but he was there and I passed by him in the rightmost lane not realizing that I was supposed to move over left one lane.
did he have his emergency lights on? He was entering on the highway, and you were cramping his space, could have gone to the left, or he could have waited 2 seconds for you to pass, sounds like he was just a power tripping dick: though the suave thing for you to have done was see him trying to enter merge from your peripheal and seen if you could have gone to the left..

if it was bang bang and you were unsure if there were cars near, I mean certain situations you may not be able to make that move, were there any cars around, and what was the distance like between when you could have possibly seen him approaching and possibly looked around to see if you could have switched lanes,

>>11286399
oh, he was parked on the shoulder and you drove too close..

thats crazy he had the ability, you flew by him, and he had the ability to jump in his car, turn on his lights and speed off after you, and just leave the guy there

>>11286467
>did he have his emergency lights on?
Yeah he did he wasn't done giving the guy a ticket by the time I passed by him, and it was a few minutes before he caught up to me. I was going the speed limit as well.
>though the suave thing for you to have done was see him trying to enter merge from your peripheal and seen if you could have gone to the left..
Fair. It was ultimately my fault for not following the example of the other drivers who were moving into the middle lane.
I would be much less annoyed about it if he hadn't
1. Clearly attempted to get me for reckless driving by asking if I was somehow impaired through substance, lack of sleep, etc despite my driving being fine
2. Seeing him pull over another guy only a few minutes after he had given me a ticket.
>>11286472
I honestly can't tell if you're being sarcastic, but I do think I was in the wrong if only for not having followed the other drivers examples.

Today I fount out my father to be a fag.

Now, I knew his relationship with mother wasn't good. She's rather vocal in the fact that they don't really fuck, so I wasn't surprised when fidgeting with internet history I found she had buyed some inflatable dildo. Today. while talking casually, she disclosed to me the fact that the dildo was for my father. And also, the fact that he didn't consider it enough and brought an even bigger one. Now, looking back, it all clicked: his non-confrontational approach, his very nature, and the lack of sex in their relationship (which I always attributed to him having over 20 years on her).
It's interesting how many obvious things there are in your very own enviroment, and yet you never pick up until it is told right in your face. Now, ofc, I'm not about to go accusing him of homosexuality (which ain't really a crime in this day and age), and I don't think this will amount to much in my relationship with him. He's rather old, so he's likely to never come out and take it to the grave. I wonder how much of his sexual prefences have leaked out in some subtle way and affected me in some kind of "father figure" dynamic. Also, my mother it's rather conservative in her sex life, so she won't use things like Tinder and such, and won't, most likely, have some fuck-buddies(not only by lack of will, but by lack of time), so if normal biology applies, she must want the D very badly. I wonder if I can make the chance present itself as to fuck her? A very morbid thought, but am not above some good Jocasta pussy.

Now, how can I best approach this situation?

>>11287236
she could have been mad at him and lying, pulling a joke on him, / ashamed to tell you its hers. also how did she say it.. she could have meant its for your father to use on her, or he wanted it, to use on her

>>11273936
I lost 300$ today on a single stock.

Short stories for this feel?

>>11287236
Just because he likes giant dildoes doesn't mean he's gay

>>11287407
Ik, however there's no sex in there. He just likes dildos, and not women.
>>11287270
Nah, she's been calling him fag for a while. Always thought it was because she was angry at him for wtv. Now I see the real meaning behind it. She even told him something along the lines of "I don't mind what you do in your own bedroom (they sleep in different ones), but if I ever catch you with a guy I'm getting a divorce, and don't even try to use the kids as an excuse", and also "You have no right to say anything if I ever sleep with someone else". Kind of hypocritic, yeah, but that's mom for you