/lit/ - Literature

Ironic it is that I should grow to bloom and yet utterly loathe my soil. It is pock-marked with the dirt of a different world - it both aids and mitigates my growth to the point that I am simply at a state of raging discontent with the whole affair. Ideally, when the winter arrives and the ice plucks the unfit particles from the ground, I should be free enough to move ever so slightly. In doing so, I will effectively rid myself of a drained, parched earth for something with better health...and, hopefully, some more sanctity. It would be dramatic of me to claim an utter hatred for things in the immediate world around me, but it is not terribly far from the truth.
My way is that of removing the obsolete, inadequate, and useless aspects of my existence and replacing them with more efficient and wholesome pieces that will improve the collective. It is the simple matter of taking a prefabricated frame and carving from a bulk idea the form I need to fit it in. In an ideal situation, I could do this with absolutely anything and not just my mind and specific aspects of the physical world. Alas, I am once again reminded of my imperfections. Even those can be transcended, however.
The real idea here, you see, is to grow with one who agrees with this modicum of thought - to find another who can appreciate the mind of a machine welded to the heart of a human. Without that...I am alone.

Fin

read and rate please guys

ok seriously don't do this shit like last time

just read my story and give me an honest rating

it's alright if you can't find anything negative to say, I understand it's pretty good

ugh you guys are such bitches
maybe I should just leave?

>>1260693
>>1260694
>>1260699
>>1260708
>>1260711

Oh wow, I can't believe I'm the first to tell you to GTFO.
/lit/ is super slow tonight...

Anyway, GTFO NO-ONE CARES IN THE SLIGHTEST

Fine. I come here seeking judgment and guidance to help me hone my craft, and I get a cold shoulder. I guess this shows who you really are /lit/.

>>1260715
you're a piece of shit and probably just jealous of my writing abilities

>>1260693
>>1260694
>>1260699
>>1260708
>>1260711
>>1260718

>>1260719
Oh, you. Yay. You can just go back to whatever hole you crawled out of, amigo. I don't want your kind on my thread.

-5/10

it doesn't give a reason to keep reading after the first part. something to catch people's attentions would help greatly. It's not creepy or romantic or suspenseful or dramatic. it's just flat.

>>1260722

I don't want your kind on /lit/. Neither of us really can get what we want, can we?

>>1260722
>>1260722

>>1260719

>touhou

GET THE FUCK OUT

Fuck yeah Mask is back!

Show us your black lightning!

>>1260723
You're just not reading it in the right frame of mind. I assure you, all that stuff is in it, you just have to look deeper. Use your mind, man!

>>1260724
hurrrr

>>1260725
durrrrr

>>1260727
I'll post another story, since you asked nicely.

>>1260726

I don't why you're so mad bro. You should take it like >>1260725

You'd be so happier.

this is another story I wrote recently

From the Deep - Into the Sky

pt 1

We spoke before of a tiny island, barely a few acres of sand upon the solid earth beneath, that bears a strange stone tower. It is stark and resolute in its demeanor and intriguing in its nature - plain, and yet altogether so very unusual. Its parapets at the top resemble the points of a crown, so that the tower itself looks akin to a simple chess rook. The blatant contrast between the white sand of the beach and the darkened gray of the spire is remarkable, adding a further intensity to the strange place.
The sight in and of itself is astonishing, but there is a further dimension that adds a surprising level of estranged horror to this quixotic abode. The sound emanating from this peculiar tower is utterly terrifying. It is the sound of something massive in size and reptilian in nature. Something ungodly and unprecedented is living within that tower.
For thousands of miles all around, no one is able to hear this mind-splitting sound. The tower is so isolated that it would take the wings of an angel or a bird of great strength to reach it. And yet, the sound echoes out for miles and miles. It is that demonic twist between a roar and a scream that is laced with heavy serpentine hissing and a very faint gurgling.
Then a new sound emerges. An inhale. Long. Deep. Then the final sound - the sound of a cataclysmic inferno erupting from the top of the tower and into the sky, devouring the air around it and shrieking with all the fury of Hell. White in color and foreboding in its infernal design, this torrent of flames signals the coming of something far more destructive. It is the harbinger of a creature more devastating and more powerful than anything this world has ever seen before.

>>1260734

You're a touhou loving piece of shit. Your Opinion = invalid.

>>1260744

pt 2

The roaring scream begins again, but this time it changes. The volume rises, and so does the intensity behind it. This is the final sign. With a deafening explosion of stone, the circular ceiling of the tower erupts in a shower of masonry fragments as something huge and ominous shoots out and into the sky like a reversed lightning bolt. The air itself screams as the gargantuan thing cuts through the sky.
And it stops for all the world to see. Dark as the night and muted by the soil of a millennium, it hovers in the sky with eyes full of vengeance. The earth from which it pulled itself falls off in tightly packed clumps, revealing its scaly coating beneath the vestments of sediment. The beast's breathing is heavy and deep, still carrying that obscure gurgling noise with it. The creatures next action solves the mystery of the gurgling. As it opens its mouth, the gurgling increases until a jet of the white flame spews forth from its gaping maw like a geyser of the utmost severity.


When the flames stop, the creature shakes its body with a heavy flap of its leathery wings and lets the remaining soil fall to the ocean. It then closes its wings in around its body and plummets to the ocean, hitting the surface hard. The water ripples for only a moment when the beast emerges several yards further on, shooting upward into the sky. Now completely devoid of the remnants of its earthly tomb, the creature shimmers in the sunlight like polished obsidian.


With carefully measured strokes of its wings, the creature returns to its means of entrance into the world. It lands delicately upon the tower, wrapping its harsh, sharp claws about the wrecked stonework and extends its serpentine neck into a triumphant roar.

Fin

>>1260745
>>1260745
chill, mate

>>1260752

don't defend that touhou loving piece of shit, asshole.

>>1260747
post your pictures, big man
you're just jealous of my skills
you are probably saving my stories righ tnow like that other guy did in the last thread

and come on, guys, I want to know what you think of my stories

read and rate, PLEASE

>>1260731
in that case you're being too subtle

you dumb fucks

I post my soul in this thread and all you do is bitch about touhoufaggot being a touhou faggot

I want real critique. I want to hone my skills.

>>1260766
I really don't think I am being too subtle. I think you're just not analyzing it the way it should be properly analyzed. Imagine you were given this story in a literature class and not online somewhere. Look at it like that, and you will see all that stuff and more.

>>1260726
>>1260745
>>1260755

Guys.

This thread isn't about me or my disgusting fetish. This is about Mask and his tro-er work. You should pay more attention to him, for christ's sake.

>>1260777
HURRRRRR DURRRRRRRR

if I whipped your ass in the last thread, I must be trolling right?

grow a brain, moron

>>1260772
>>1260772
I felt that garden metaphor wasn't subtle at all and was sort of forced

>>1260792
Ugh. Where are you getting a garden metaphor from? There is no garden metaphor. Seriously, I have no idea where you'd get that from. I don't want to sound condescending here, but I don't think you understand my work at all. You may just want to stop trying.

But, if you really want to apply yourself, look deeper. Look beyond just the words. You have to get the feeling and deeper emotion from the piece to truly "understand" it. I use the word understand lightly because I'm not even sure that I understand it fully.

Thank you for trying, though.

>>1260777

go back to /jp/ and your dickgirls in frills fucking each other, faggot

>>1260799
>individual flowers
>bloom
>petals
>garden
>no garden metaphor

>>1260806
>.<

That isn't meant to be taken as a metaphor. Those are just pieces on my stage. Characters in my play, if you will. They don't represent anything per say, they merely spread light on the deeper themes. They are the spotlight that shines directly into the heart of this story, which is something I think you missed completely.

Come on guys. If nothing else, this rudimentary discussion of my story has gotten my blood flowing. Let's keep it up. Tell me what you think of my writing. Should i post more? Or maybe a sonnet I am working on?

>>1260799
I see what's going on here, it's rape. deflowering

MASK I LOVE YOU. I HAD TO TYPE THIS IN CAPS SO YOU WOULD NOTICE ME. I NOTICE A LOT OF JEALOUSY IN THIS THREAD. THAT IS TOO BAD. I CANNOT WAIT TO READ YOUR SONNETS. IF THEY HAVE HALF THE MUSIC OF YOUR STORIES THEY WILL BE SUBLIME

Lets read this sonnet then! I've been waiting for you to return, I had given up hope!

Fin

>>1260826
You're on the right track. Don't be afraid to go deeper though. There's always another layer, you just have to search for it, really get into the story, feel the heart of it.

>>1260830
Thank you. The jealously is rampant, I agree. I just hope my sonnets hold up to my previous work.

>>1260836
sonnet incoming

ITT: Rampant jealousy

here's hoping for black lightning sonnet stylee

>>1260840
>The jealously is rampant, I agree.
was about to read until you went full faggot on me

fuck off

I LOL'd when this thread started exactly the same as it did before. Perfect.

Did we archive the last one? We need a complete set.

>>1260854

Don't be a hater. Read. It's worth it.

sorry it took me so long to post this, guys, I was really trying to fine tune it

I'm a little ashamed since I haven't had the time to perfect this art form like I have my stories. I'm really not ready to share this, but since you guys wanted it.

Sonnet 1

Boredom

"We are all alone with no excuse." Thanks,

Sartre - you've made the world make a little

more sense. The rivers come to their top banks.

Now the consumerists let fly spittle.

Stop being a bunch of twat-fucks assholes

Realize the repercussions of your

actions, and we could change this fucking hole

Fight evil and help the unwanted poor

Just kidding. Industrial is better

right now. How do we celebrate the week

end? Loud eighties music, hater!

Adding more energy to a song, meek

You are obsessed when you are consumed...but

you are passionate when you are a slut

Fin

Anyone have anything to say about my sonnet? I'm really open to criticism on it since I have not fully mastered it yet. I am always open to criticism about all my work, of course, but you guys seem unable to properly discuss my other works.

>>1260872

This seems aimless. What were you going for, exactly?

Post you goddamn swine! I want feedback!!

>>1260898

Chill the fuck out bro. No need to be rude.

>>1260896
Honestly, I'm not really sure. I feel like I really lost my form with this. All my usual creative juices got swept away by having such a rigid structure to conform to. The syllable limit plus rhyme scheme just threw me off. I'll have to go back to the drawing board, I think.

>>1260900
I didn't mean that at you. I hadn't seen your post when I posted that.

So no one else has anything to say about my attempt at sonnetry?

I guess I don't see much of a reason to go forward with sonnets. Back to prose and basic poetry for me.

>>1260903
>>1260872

I see where the flaws are, I would not recommend doing topics like boredom or randomness as sonnet material. It's really easy to get lost in vastly different topics and it seems like no effort was applied. Try more focused ideas.

You're rhyming scheme is alright, but the line where you rhyme asshole with hole again is derivative. Avoid those kind of instances.

>>1260915
I yield to your superior knowledge of sonnets.

Now, since no one wants to discuss my sonnet or earlier stories, I'll post another. Feel free to post your own, you chucklefucks.

this is the beginning of an ongoing series I am writing

Comprimising with a Monster

pt 1

"Doctor, were you aware it would act this way upon release?"

Truth be told, not at all. We had reasoned with it-

"You mean it -talks-?!"

Yes, it does. When it first made verbal contact with us, we were thoroughly shocked. However, what followed after the initial surprise was an incredibly domesticated, calm negotiation for his release.

"So it's a 'he' now?"

Correct. While there was nothing that visibly denoted him as a male, his tonal qualities suggested something masculine. For all we know, he could be genderless.

"Interesting. So what happened during the negotiation?"

Well, it was quite possibly the most frightening thing I've ever experienced in my life at first. When he was first trapped, he made every possible attempt to rip open the cage. He even tried propelling the cage upwards and smashing it down until we managed to magnetically secure it to the ground.

"Our reports suggest as much, judging by previous damage he caused."

Indeed, his strength is remarkable. However, at one point, he just...stopped. He slowly straightened his posture and addressed me -by name-.

"How did he know to do that?"

I am uncertain, but we've come to realize that he knows far more than any of us ever suspected. After he got my attention, the dialogue went something like this...

- - - - - -

You...you can speak?

That is correct, Doctor Volonte.

Incredible...

>>1260919

Just giving an honest opinion.

pt 2

If you say so. I wish to talk, Doctor.

Erm...c-certainly. Concerning...?

My very imminent release.

I'm...I'm afraid we can't do that. We aren't sure of your intentions.

Doctor, I assure you - if I had wanted to kill you, we would not be having this conversation. I -let- you catch me.

...But why?

Because you need a little enlightenment. Your ignorance is currently placing you on the path of doom, and I wish to remove you from that path - peacefully, if I can.

You hardly seemed peacefully earlier...the current death toll is twenty-three.

Unfortunately, they were necessary to keep the facade up. It's not my fault your men had to die because of your inadequacy to trap me in a...what is this? A steel cage?

...Yes.

Maybe you should be less prudent in your materials. I was only smashing it on the floor because that was the one thing I could do without breaking it. Look here at the base of this bar...You see the dents? Examine them carefully, Doctor.

...Good God!

pt 3

He isn't listening right now, Doctor. Right now you face something that is not born of this world. But I am not here to discuss trivial matters with you. You need to listen now.
You have in your custody a man who was wrongfully accused of a crime he would never commit. Right now, he is currently being sedated with periodical dosages of morphine and kept in a near-catatonic state to prevent him from escaping. There are exactly seventy-two different locking mechanisms holding his body in place lying down on a hospital bed magnetically sealed to the floor.

But what could you possibly want with -him-?

-He- is my master, Doctor Volonte. I have served him for thousands of years in each of his lives, and I cannot idly stand by while you deny him his rightful privilege.

But he is a monster-!

MONSTER? Doctor Volonte, I will TELL YOU who is a monster! Those savage men and women who plaster innocent men, women, and children in the middle of a scorching hot desert are monsters! The vicious pigs who violate the pure and destroy the homes of those in the dark continent are monsters! The man you have in custody, you little human, is NOT A MONSTER!

All right, all right!!

You are going to release me within the next thirty seconds. As you are doing so, you are going to make the proper phone call to the current lieutenant stationed with forty-seven other men stationed around his hospital and clear his discharge. If you do not do this within the next twenty-four seconds now, I am going to erupt from this cage like an arctic storm and leave nothing but bloody splotches on the floor for your families and friends!

GET HIM OUT OF THERE! ...Lieutenant Carlson, release prisoner 257! ...THAT'S AN ORDER, LIEUTENANT, AND I'LL HAVE YOUR ASS ON A PLATE IF YOU DON'T COMPLY! NOW -DO IT-!

Good boy. You even had eleven seconds to spare. I'm impressed.

Yes...well...now what?

pt 4

I am going to very calmly fly out of this cage much like a ghost, and you are going to stand there and do nothing. You will never see me again, Doctor Volonte. But you will see him. And he will be happy to see you. Be grateful for that.

- - - - -

"Wait, you released -him-?!"

The man or the monster?

"Both! I mean...the man! Agh, what's the difference?! What have you done?! You know he has-"

-He has done nothing, my good man. The creature was right. We knew all along that he was not the one to blame, yet he took him anyway. We needed a scapegoat to cover our failure, and...despite the absurdity of it...he was our only logical choice. Furthermore, he has been nothing but kind about the entire situation. With his power, it frightens me to think what he could have done to us. I was expecting the worst.

"Well...that explains a lot, I suppose..."

Mhm. It's a sordid business we got ourselves into. In a way, that beast saved us.

"How so?"

Imagine what would have happened if we kept him contained for much longer. Several systems across the globe would be outraged. Riots would start. It would become World War three.

"...I didn't think of it that way. Answer me something, though."

What?

"Our reports were scattered on the creature's appearance. What does he look like...?"

pt 6

Mm. I shudder to recall it. Well, on all fours, he stood about seven feet tall. His upper body is heavily muscled, and his hind legs are as well. He has a long, scaly tail that reminds me of some black snake. His wings, though, are black and feathered with some scaling across the ligaments.

"He sounds like some twisted dragon from a fairy tale."

Oh, that's not the strangest part at all. Dragon-like is a good way to describe him, except for the feathery wings...but it was his face that was the most curious. It sat on a fairly long neck akin to his tail, but his head had human proportions...And there were no visible ears, hair, or anything really...just a black mask.

"A black mask...? You mean-"

Yes. Exactly like his white one. After he was released, he found me...surprisingly quickly. He thanked me for setting him free and instantly forgave my transgressions. I was too shocked to say anything, though.

"Why is that?"

He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "I'm glad you aren't just a bloody splotch on the floor." and he pulled a black and white mask over his face.

Fin

>>1260930
I am quite ashamed of my sonnet skills at the moment. I overestimated my own ability to grasp the craft and put it off. The pause before posting was me cobbling it together from old thoughts I'd written down, and it shows. How can I improve my craft?

>>1260928
>>1260931
>>1260933
>>1260935
>>1260936

Hmm. I don't quite follow exactly what is happening. The story seems to be out of its context. The setting is essentially unspoken beyond that of a laboratory, and the characters of Volonte and the beast are not fully examined. Perhaps there is some context I am missing?

>>1260939
It begins in medias res, and is a bit vague at the beginning to build suspense.

The context I won't give. You will have to finish the story to find out.

It is one of my more linear pieces, really, and it doesn't touch on any of my usual deeper themes.

And to the rest of you fuckers, aside from Howdy Howdy Hey, who is a true bro, what do I have to do to get you in these threads? I'm on my knees, guys, please read and rate my stuff. I'd like to discuss.

>>1260937

For rhyming, I'd suggest examining a few common suffixes and pre-planning predicted rhymes you could make. What makes rhyming poetry flow is the fluidity and character of the rhyme, not just the fact the rhyme is there.

As for topics, be more focused.

And for general structure, as long as you keep the design specific and the rhyming scheme strict, there is no problem.

I'm considering this thread a failure in my books. I'll be back, /lit/.