[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature


View post   

File: 50 KB, 678x710, E62EBB37-B06A-4305-930A-D2763BAE49A3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702134 No.15702134 [Reply] [Original]

>Your favorite book
>Your deepest, darkest secret

>> No.15702239

Bronze Age Mindset

Im a closeted homosexual

>> No.15702242

The castle

I am a compulsive liar

>> No.15702256

Yu Hua - To Live

I made my ex selfharm and commit suicide because the relationship became too tiring. I gaslighted her into hating her family dynamics so I was never seen as the cause.

>> No.15702262

The Recognitions

I never read The Recognitions

>> No.15702264

>>15702134
Stretching Anatomy by Frédéric Delevier.
I haven't read a book since highschool.

>> No.15702271

The Bible

I'm atheist

>> No.15702273

>>15702134
what kind of absolute zoomie was old enough to have Cars blankets as a child

>> No.15702274

The antifa handbook

I'm a closeted heterosexual

>> No.15702281

>>15702134
The communist manifesto
I am too smart

>> No.15702311

>>15702274
Nice play on my comment, anon.

>> No.15702319

>>15702134
Winesburg, Ohio
I jump scared my grandpa once and he punched me in the face, we lied to my mom about the black eye and she believed it.
He threatened to punch me again if I told the truth -- he's long dead now so I think I'm safe.

>> No.15702344

The Brothers Karamazov
I listen to the audiobook

>> No.15702353

Mason & Dixon

[Spoiler] I went to jail for assault and never told my mother. She thinks I went on vacation in Alaska with friends. I cant break her heart [/spoiler]

>> No.15702373

Infinite Jest
I've never read Infinite Jest

>> No.15702397

>>15702134
Don Quixote

Most of my life is predicated and built on lies, it goes beyond compulsion to the extent that my profession, relationships (sexual and platonic) and persona are all dependent on a a series of lies that I've kept for over 10 years now. I would say 90% of what I claim is completely fabricated or "borrowed" from other peoples identities/experiences. I sometimes ask if in living this way I have verified the facade but if that wouldn't be true either.

>> No.15702398
File: 674 KB, 1280x837, 4Lzj4XWHW4w.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702398

>>15702134
>One Hundred Years of Solitude
>I hate myself so much, but I'm a coward and a dreamer, both things make me live despite my hatred against myself.

>> No.15702474

White Noise
I actually have absolutely zero fear of dying and wait every day for an excuse to sacrifice myself in a noble fashion

>> No.15702550

>>15702134
The Third Policeman

Audiobooks are the main way I consume books

>> No.15702566

>>15702373
to be fair it's a really big book, every time I try to tackle infinite jest and really digest the book I end up only getting 300 pages and 600 footnotes in.

>> No.15702568
File: 15 KB, 640x213, xThinkstockPhotos-514068896-640x213.jpg,qv=1498161846.pagespeed.ic.fpS_p0IvXW.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702568

Brothers Karamazov

Abortion. Mental illness ruins most of my relationships

>> No.15702574

Blindsight

I'm only pretending to be blind.

>> No.15702592

The Prisoner of Azkaban

The Prisoner of Azkaban is my favorite book.

>> No.15702596

Runaway Horses

I've gone the full coomer route years ago and have started to masturbate with questionable stuff.

>> No.15702617

>>15702596
Leave the horses alone, anon.

>> No.15702618

Lily of the Field and Bird of the Air
I used illegal drugs to end my pregnancy, making me a literal murderer and then tried to use it to guilt trip the man whose baby it was by saying he pressured me into it. I am literally that trad wife over millennial thot meme, lit. I think God somehow still sees me through.

>> No.15702619

poop
poop

>> No.15702629

>>15702256
That's a dark one, I'm going to assume she was already predisposed towards depression but what it easier than just leaving her? The effort into manipulating someone to suicide seems greater than the effort of separating from her.

Also you should read Red Sorghum by Mo Yan if you haven't already.

>> No.15702630

>>15702568
>>15702618
>secret abortions
the females of /lit/ everyone. hope everyone learned something today

>> No.15702635

Crime and Punishment
diaper fetish

>> No.15702660

>>15702630
No I made my first high school gf get one

>> No.15702666

>>15702134
Les mis and Monte Cristo
I once pretended to be a hapa online during my week phase

>> No.15702668

>>15702630
You have no idea. In seeing your response to this post, I immediately want to accuse you of being horrible to me guilting me for this. Like my immediate response is "Wow, thanks Anon. Super helpful." In a sarcastic way. I don't want to be selfish and yet I am all I think of. I could not ever imagine dying the death of a brave man and not completely breaking down and begging for my life and i worry my values are so flimsy I would renounce them to be spared.

>> No.15702716
File: 5 KB, 238x212, 50CF0FB3-4345-44A2-96F5-4AF646D3C047.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702716

>>15702134
Flash for Freedom

I’m a virgin, I didn’t actually kiss that girl over summer break in highschool, I literally didn’t have any social life in all 4 years of college I spent it all in my single dorm on my laptop, i nearly failed out of college twice, I jerk off giantess porn, I jerk off to traps and femboys, I started to jerk off to giant femboy hentai, I honestly in my head don’t consider myself the least bit homosexual. I feel like there’s a split in my head between the utter degenerate dynosian and the completely stoic and straight laced Apollonian. I’m either one or the other, I can go months without drinking or needing any form of fun when the Apollonian is in control, but the when the Dionysian takes control I have no limits in my degeneracy and lack all self control. I think I may unironically have schizophrenia.

>> No.15702718

>>15702618
It's not your fault and it doesn't make you a murderer. Fuck that guy if he really pressured into doing it. Women have had abortions since there have been women and God doesn't give a fuck, Jesus already died for your sins. Also why do you identify with the trad wife meme, it's literally a fascist psyop for redpilling incels.

>> No.15702727

>>15702134
The Ego and Its Own

I'm the Zodiac and LISK.

>> No.15702738

>>15702718
Kys you fucking disgusting simp.
>>15702618
You killed your fucking baby you should feel bad.

>> No.15702746

>>15702134
normie tier but i dont read much: the kite runner
I am one of the biggest hypocrites i know

>> No.15702753

>>15702716
I have a similar problem where sometimes I am calm but other times I feel a violent rage (or "pulse") within me. I'll think of how I hate humanity and how stupid and clueless people can be and how they take up resources and opportunities and wealth from people more deserving. Like I will say to myself "if we had a philosopher king would YOU truly waltz right up to him and defend this stupid sack of shit eating up resources?? Is this cretin what you want our society to become? For WHAT fucking reason?" I say I fly between Socrates and Thrasymachus more than I would wish

>> No.15702754

>>15702738
t. Sinless angel

>> No.15702755

>>15702319
Based boomer lmao

>> No.15702758

>>15702474
relatable

>> No.15702763

>>15702753
also relatable regarding random pulses of rage

>> No.15702765

>>15702754
At least I never killed a fucking kid Jesus Christ

>> No.15702773

Les Misérables
I'm clinically psycho

>> No.15702792
File: 359 KB, 1000x657, 1568512691752.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702792

>>15702134
Moby dick

I used to masturbate to child porn every day in 10th grade because I was an edgy satanist. Or maybe that time I stole my grandma's morphine and let 2 guys run a train on me in her basement. Or maybe the fact I've sex'd/had sex with over 1000 men/women.

>> No.15702796

>>15702754
>just cuz he did bad doesnt mean he cant berate me for comitting a likely worse deed
foid "logic"

>> No.15702799

>>15702273
18 yr olds were 4 when it came out.

>> No.15702805

>>15702134
The Windup Bird Chronicles

When I was a freshman in high school on a club trip I walked in one of the seniors straddling a teacher and it was pretty obvious that they had been making out. I was still really emotionally young and didn't know what to do. I really liked the teacher and the girl was my oneitis at the time, I didn't want to cause a huge problem so I lied to the other teacher on the trip when he walked in later and we were awkwardly coming to terms with what happened. I've always regretted it because the teacher I lied to turned out to be the greatest influence on me in HS and gave me so much leeway I never got from anyone else when I was going through a really emotionally bad time. I will always feel ashamed for hiding what happened from him but it's too late now to do anything and it wouldn't make a difference. I just try not to think about it.

>> No.15702808

>>15702765
Only retards think an abortion is equal to killing a kid. Also if somehow in your retarded worldview being a mysogynistic fascist like yourself isn't a sin but an abortion is, then I'd prefer to be a sinner.

>> No.15702810

>>15702718
I have a living child now. I am trying to right. I know I would not have this child if it weren't for God if I had not killed my other child, they too would be a living child that smiles and breaths and wraps their arms around me and says "Lub you." I want to be a good mother and that is not possible if I spend all my time at the office and my weekends getting drunk and being half naked on social media. I get that it's a politically charged meme but there is such thing as being a good and bad mother and while the line is not always clearly, a lot of times it is.

>> No.15702814

>>15702273
Me. I’m 22 :/

>> No.15702825

Libra

I once paid a lady to pee on me and mock me for liking it

>> No.15702827

>>15702792
bro what

>> No.15702830

>>15702805
It feels really good to finally say this. I've never spoken to a living soul about what happened until posting it here.

>> No.15702834

>>15702808
You are killing a living fucking because it makes things easier for you. I hope some part of your brain understands what you did was an abomination.

>> No.15702844

>>15702825
How’d you find this lady? Asking for a friend.

>> No.15702851

>>15702844
through a friend who knew people who did that kind of stuff

>> No.15702855

>>15702851
How would one not acquainted with your friend be able to find those people?

>> No.15702864

>>15702311
Thanks fren, appreciate the homoerotica homer humor

>> No.15702872
File: 49 KB, 639x763, 43.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702872

>Frankenstein
>I'm writing a romance novel about a shy but brave knight falling in love with a tsundere warrior princess. The guy is based on an idealized version of myself and the girl is an amalgamation of various crushes I've had over the years. It's very juvenile, and the affection is limited to hand-holding/kissing/blushing/cuddling. I was sexually abused by my dad until I was 16 and have developed a deep fear of sexuality as a result.

>> No.15702875
File: 144 KB, 402x423, 4a8ccce025c95d78ee4a152d401cfaac.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702875

>>15702827
My day consists of hard exercise, studious biblical reading, an endless bout of psychosis from sunrise to sunset, an angelic effort to be servile and attentive to those around me, a painstaking effort to concentrate on those subjects most bland and dry to me in order to pass some time and as well the governing instinct to make all these activities more efficient to make time for more sacrificial behaviors. Then I masturbate like 6 or 7 times the next day and the cycle repeats, only ever getting faster and faster. Believe me, if I could stop the machine I would.

>> No.15702883

>>15702566
>only getting 300 pages and 600 footnotes in.
imagine reading this as someone without any prior knowledge of Infinite Jest

>> No.15702894

The Sound and the Fury
raped when I was 10

>> No.15702899

>>15702855
dark web desu

>> No.15702914

>>15702718
Also I have a good husband. Like he is a genuinely good man. He works really hard and without him I could not afford healthy food or a garden for me and our child, I couldn't stay home with our child, I wouldn't have been able to choose a doctor, he gives me flowers with nice notes, buys me books and nice soaps. He is a good father to. He never yells at me even when he is disappointed and upset with me. Why would I want to mess the best parts of my life up by going back to what I was before? Getting drunk and having one night stands and being obsessed with looks and popularity. I only pray to God that my heart does not ever go there again.

>> No.15702916

>>15702894
Storytime?

>> No.15702939
File: 423 KB, 464x433, 185c71d0aa52db8e089d510396f59a60.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702939

>>15702916

>> No.15702947

>>15702810
>>15702914
You’re self aware at least. What’s done is done, what you did was fucked up but take care of your current kid.

Also you are the trad wife meme lmao. Why the fuck all modern women have to be such whores?

>> No.15702970

>>15702872
I like it. Keep writing anon. I think that sort of innocent affection is charming. I am also sorry to hear about your abuse. Does writing help with your emotions at all?

>> No.15702974

>>15702916
Afraid not. I'll take the pedestal to say fuck all those idiots that can't get a grip afterwards or otherwise play the victim card endlessly though.
But if I ever go suicidal (Not gonna happen ever, I'm happy) we'll both be an heroes if you catch my drift

>> No.15702980
File: 224 KB, 1194x1494, 3B636E21-EC7C-484D-81C5-905F801E137F.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15702980

>>15702792
>I used to masturbate to child porn every day in 10th grade because I was an edgy satanist.
This made me lmao

>> No.15702993

>>15702974
Are we talking Epstein shit?

>> No.15703001

>>15702810
>>15702914
I totally get what you mean. I just wanted to point out how much I hate that the far-right has appropriated the "trad wife" archetype and has kind of established a dichotomy where traditional values (monogamy, motherhood, etc.) are inherently right-wing, when it truly and absolutely aren't. Of course, it's the fault of the woke left/radical liberals too, since they tend to alienate those with more traditional values and associate them with the right.

>> No.15703005

>>15702970
Thank you for saying that. Writing characters who struggle with their feelings does help a lot. The main character spends the whole story too scared to admit how he feels, but he eventually rises above his fears to tell his crush the truth. It makes me believe I can reach that point one day, where I won't be ashamed of who I am. There's also something nice about writing characters being physically affectionate with one another, even if it's just touching or holding hands.

>> No.15703013

>>15702765
>>15702796
Even Cain became a righteous person in the eyes of God. Don't be quick to condemn, you aren't the almighty

>> No.15703027

>>15703013
I have a right to condemn acts that I see as evil. I’m not saying she can’t find forgiveness but you just roll over and ignore a blatantly evil act either.

>> No.15703034

>>15703001
Good point. It is the shifting of the Overton windows. But yeah people on all ends of the political spectrum have been interested in having functional families for centuries

>> No.15703040

>>15702993
Nah, not that sinister. Non-immediate family member.

>> No.15703070
File: 40 KB, 496x370, 249AD5FD-9F10-47AE-96AD-125ED51BC3F5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703070

>>15703001
The women of Germany voted Hitler into power. The trad wife is inherently right wing. Dilate and get over it tranny.

>> No.15703075

>>15703027
If you're talking about the simp, that's not me.

>> No.15703097

>>15703005
You're welcome, and that's good! I'm glad you can use art in such a way. It seems like a good story and I'd love to read it all one day. I think the fantasy setting also really helps us process the real world, like Tolkien says in "On Fairy-Stories"

>> No.15703112

>>15702262
based

>> No.15703115
File: 172 KB, 960x502, 1587799290699.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703115

>The women of Germany voted Hitler into power. The trad wife is inherently right wing. Dilate and get over it tranny

>> No.15703121

>>15702397
Same here anon. I wonder if that's how most people operate

>> No.15703147

Lunch Poems

I'm pretty sure I have DID because I always have discussion in my mind between wanting to kill myself and wanting to live, and a voice, that I thought was mine but I doubt since I realized I don't control it, always manages to make me postpone the decision

>> No.15703164

After Dark
My brother's kid is probably mine

>> No.15703188

>>15703115
Putting a Winamp on what I said doesn’t make any of it less true tranny.

>> No.15703190

>>15702872
I recognize this anon from the critique threads. Your novel seems like mindless fun and I'd be willing to read it if you were to publish it online. Best of luck, anon.

>> No.15703196

>>15703188
*wojak

>> No.15703199

>>15703013
Source? I study theology but never heard that claim.

>> No.15703202

>>15702872
I agree with the others I’d read it, seems pretty fun.

>> No.15703229
File: 52 KB, 233x331, 4636.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703229

>>15702872

this has Potential but you're suffering from some common mistakes.

>that certainly caught her interest
you don't need to tell us this; we can infer it from, oh, idk, the entire rest of the convo

>caitlin then asked
the question mark tells us she's asking the question, ditch the redundant tags

>"is endless entertaining," she said, thoroughly amused
same as above, dumb tag

>sweetie-pie
>lovey-dovey

destroying the fantasy realm immersion

source: editor

>> No.15703237

The Gospel of Mark
I've been getting closer to killing myself for months because of guilt from messed up stuff I did to someone close to me when I was younger and also from work stress, poor social skills, and tfw no gf. I know suicide is wrong and that I need to confess my sins instead of wallowing in my guilt until I can't take it anymore but the more I think about it the more I seem to sink into a dark pit inside me where I can't help but think that I deserve to go to Hell and that trying to find forgiveness for my sins wouldn't be right since the things I've done still affect the person I did them to. I haven't been to church since November and when I think about going back a deep sense of despair and shame fills me. I have periods of increased prayer and faithfulness where I start to think about going back again but inevitably I lapse back into my vices and bad habits, followed by even greater despair.
I'm a lifelong Mormon from an old Mormon family, but in these last six months or so I've begun to question whether the nature of the Trinity is as I was taught and I've started to come around to the idea of a Triune God. This somewhat terrifies me, both because I would alienate most of my family if I converted to an orthodox Christian denomination such as Catholicism or Orthodoxy, and because I've had many personal experiences confirming the truth of my faith, which are now called into doubt. I hope it's in God's will to guide me to the right path in life because right now I'm very lost and seem only to be turning ever further from the path.

>> No.15703252

>>15702808
Abortion isn't equal to killing a kid, it IS killing kid.

Also, "being" something isn't a sin, but rather doing something. Better to be an unironic Nazi or Stalinist than an actual murderer

>> No.15703260

>>15702397
>>15703121
How does one keep lies scalating for that long? I don't think that I could pull that off.

>> No.15703265

>>15702830
It's okay anon

>> No.15703273

>>15703237
Lame. Arian Christianity makes more sense. It only lost out due to politics.

>> No.15703278

>>15702256
weakling, you sent her to die instead of coping with the action that you needed to get done. I hope for you to recieve the corresponding pain, so that you can be sublimed

>> No.15703279

>>15703237
Unironically you should go talk to a priest

>> No.15703293

>>15702830
Alright, I read it. Hope your doing fine now, Anon.

>> No.15703296

>>15703199
I'm sorry anon. I really wish I could find it but I can't. It was from a Jewish lense.

>> No.15703297

>>15703260
If your true self is inherently autistic you end up leeching off other people's traits and behaviours in order to survive. That's how it is for me. I do wonder if that's just a normal human thing to do - "fake it till you make it" as they say.

>> No.15703302

>>15702792
Anon i'm retarded, what does "run a train on me" mean?

>> No.15703329

>>15703297
Mmm, yeah, can relate. One day I watched myself in the mirror and asked why do I act, talk and even think the way I do, how does things end up to be that way. I couldn't answer who I was, nothing of that was mine.
I think one can just laugh it off, I mean, everything. I wonder if that is borrowed from someone else.

>> No.15703332

>>15703302
Not him but gang bang.

>> No.15703335

>>15703302
>train
It's a hobbie for autists, you should know.

>> No.15703338

>>15703229
Thank you for the suggestions. I've been told in the past people have difficulty keeping track of who is speaking in a conversation and what the characters are feeling, so I think I overcorrected in that regard. Im still in the process of writing the first draft, but I will definitely make those changes
>>15703190
>>15703202
Thank you as well. I don't expect any level of success but it'd be great if even a handful of people read it.

>> No.15703344
File: 260 KB, 125x125, 348573489.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703344

>>15703302
to fuck a person, as a group of people, in an orderly, one-by-one manner

>> No.15703398

>>15702629
I think I also did it to see how much I can push her love and manipulate her, almost like an experiment. Wanting to leave her was made it possible because I was done with her. My youth consisted of a lot of bad stuff and I think I changed over the years and am in general much more life affirming now, so I try to see these things I did as a closed chapter.

No, I haven't read it, gonna check it out!

>> No.15703529

>>15702914
>>15702810
>>15702618

Tits or your uterus kills you in your sleep tonight

>> No.15703549

>>15702872
This reads like an autist with a rape fantasy.

Kill yourself

>> No.15703565

>>15702872
You don't capitalize the "s" after a comma. I'm autistic enough to correct this if you send it to James Michael Dandy at Ree mail

>> No.15703596

>>15702474
Well at least you want to give your death meaning, this isn’t so bad

>> No.15703607

>>15702618
Well if there’s a god then yeah you can’t hide that shit

>> No.15703623
File: 12 KB, 351x351, 5797968.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703623

>>15702134
>the once and future king
i once let my parents' dog lick my vag. i was 14 and horny.

>> No.15703627

>>15702716
You and I sound very similar m, I hope to be able pull out of it though

>> No.15703636

>>15702796
That is literally Christ’s logic bro

>> No.15703642

Brothers Karamazov

I suffer from severe premature ejaculation and have avoiding woman since I lost my virginity in High school because of it.

>> No.15703653
File: 1.81 MB, 240x300, 52363463.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703653

>>15703642
if you can get hard again soon after and give good head, this is literally a non-issue

>> No.15703659

>>15702834
I literally don’t Care about zygotes and would stop on a million of them. They aren’t human, they are potentially human. if they of miscarriage I would feel as little than if they died of abortion.

>> No.15703670

>Liveblog
>I am Peg Boyle

>> No.15703685

>>15703164
If you were my brother and I found out I would probably kill all three of us so better not tell him

>> No.15703708

Journey to the End of the Night

I want to cuck my gf and impregnate most women I see. I get off on the idea of humiliating her and not only treating her but all women like absolute dogshit.

>> No.15703711

Kokoro

People have their suspicions but they don't truly know how much of a coward I am.

>> No.15703718
File: 168 KB, 142x167, 457468.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703718

>>15703711
if they suspect, they know, senpai

>> No.15703739
File: 83 KB, 800x533, 1574219963916.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703739

>>15702792
You need beheaded.

>> No.15703755

>>15702134
Iliad
I’m pagan and sacrifice to the gods

>> No.15703764

>>15702353
You sound like a good guy aside from the assault thing

>> No.15703775

>>15702834
I take it you're vegan, then?

>> No.15703792

Stoner

I am in the process of failing out of college and literally don’t even know if I’m allowed back in next semester or not because I’m too scared to check my emails. I literally don’t even have a reason to fail. The work isn’t too difficult or anything. I just “finished” my fourth year of college. I got through three years of school just fine, my grades slipping more and more as the years went on, but I was still mostly attending and engaged in classes and doing my homework. Every single semester I would always come in with the attitude of “this time I’ll do better. I’ll really rock my prof’s socks with how hard I work, but every year I would do less and less work and third year I started to fail a couple classes. Well fourth year rolls around and I’m still thinking “this year”, but I go to one week of classes and then it’s a long weekend where I go to a pool party at my roommate’s place to celebrate. The day we.’really supposed to go back I think casually skipping a day wouldn’t be so bad and I took it easy. Then the next day I didn’t go either. And fast forward I never went to class again that semester. For literally no reason. I don’t even know what is wrong with me that I would do this. Eventually my roommates started to wonder what I was doing and I started to leave the apartment and just sit in public areas of the university. Well eventually they would see me around there too so I just started locking myself in bathrooms around the university for hours waiting until I could reasonably be believed to have gone to class. I did this for the whole semester and of course never checked my email again either. I also started smoking pot heavily at this time just to numb the fear I had that my dad could easily just check my grades and see what I’ve been doing. He fucking pays for the majority of my school so he would have me fucking killed if he found out. Well second semester comes around and I finally can go to class again (because my professors won’t know what I’ve done, about halfway through the semester I totally skipped I stopped even thinking “okay tomorrow I’ll go to class” because I felt I couldn’t have gone to class after missing so much). And I actually bring myself to go to class again for the most part. But once COVID happened I never bothered with online classes and let myself fail out of those too.If I failed out then I seriously will probably just pack my shit and run as far away from my family as I can get just to not have to face any of the consequences. Either that or kill myself. I just bought a gun, I think I bought it to have fun at the range with my friend, but maybe subconsciously I just wanted a way out if it came to it. I’m basically a huge coward and piss scared of my dad for basically no reason. Like yeah he can be a prick, but he never hit me or anything. I would say he’s somewhat emotionally abusive at worst, but even then I just avoid him most of the time

>> No.15703816
File: 414 KB, 1000x834, 25720525.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703816

>>15703792
anon, i want to tell you a story.

>be me
>be 17
>go to college depressed, major in english, have a mental breakdown after going on antidepressants and finish with a 2.8 cgpa
>graduate into a shitty copywriting job immediately
>move up to another
>comfortably making 42k with my shitty degree and plan to get a raise to 45k, which is all anyone needs desu

lit will roast me for this, but college schmollege. we put a lot of emphasis on it now. there are more important things. getting mentally well should be your priority. you can keep learning without attending college. there is so much more than college. i was hired into my job alongside a fucking HS graduate--that's right, i didnt even need my degree. it's not worthless, but in that scenario, it was. if i can do it, you can do it. be kind to yourself.

>> No.15703831

>>15702271
Lmao

>>15702792
Boy or girl?

>> No.15703835

>>15702242
Liar!

>> No.15703838

>>15703792
Aren’t you 22 or something by now anon?
I know the feeling but at this point you should really decide whether to complete your degree or drop out and get a job or become homeless. You’re like Shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion except you’re a grown man

>> No.15703843

>>15703816
Thanks bro, I actually feel like I’ve been having a slow breakdown for about a year now and I feel as though it’s having negative effects on how I treat myself and those around me. I just need to man up and get though this shit so I can stop being stuck in the mentality of a child. I seriously haven’t grown up a day since I was ten.

>> No.15703855
File: 92 KB, 504x800, 19.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703855

>>15703843
you don't need to man up, you need to go to therapy, cry shit out, then make your way as best you can without holding yourself to others' standards. there's time to grow up. first things first.

>> No.15703863

>>15703838
Yeah I’m basically a man child I guess. I’ll be 22 later this year but I’m acting like a retarded child. I want to go back to school next semester and do well, but I’m so scared that I’ve already failed, plus I’m basically always walking on eggshells because my parents could decided to look at my grades at any time. I basically have no willpower I guess. I know this and I know I need to work on this, but it’s a self defeating circle. I don’t have the willpower to gain willpower. I know these are just excuses, but I really feel like I’m stuck in my own life and I just desperately want to escape

>> No.15703883

>>15702808
dude you are just bien retarded. abortion =killing a human life. there is no more thinking in it. you just wrongly assumed that this person is a dad because you that it's male that think more like that, then you know what ? you are a damn idiot act like a swj liberal and don't know things beyond your cultural space, not everyone have the same views as where you live.

>> No.15703886

>>15702825
ok.

>> No.15703890
File: 46 KB, 720x747, 1554277761358.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703890

>>15703883

a zygote isn't a human dumbass

>there is no more thinking in it

yeah bc if you thought about it for longer than 2 seconds, you'd realize you were wrong.

>> No.15703893

>>15702827
yeah that pretty fucked up.

>> No.15703897

>>15702281
>>15703623
nasty ass dog licked pussy pics or gtfo

>> No.15703903

>>15702872
i sincerly hope that you will get better! i am sure that you will overcome that trauma. may i ask you how old you are ? i am new on 4chan and don't know how to retrieve answer from other people, but i hope you will reply to me

>> No.15703905

>>15703863
I was in a similar situation this year, after the gyms closed and classes went online I just wanted to fuck off and go fishing until I died
but I can’t do that because I know how much worse things can get. Hardest part about turning things around is taking the first step, you know this pretty well. Once you have sorted your enrollment out you will find it is pretty easy to pass with 70% grades without doing any study, and you will feel retarded for being afraid.
You can do this bro don’t be a bitch

>> No.15703908
File: 886 KB, 220x150, 36573764.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703908

>>15703897
no
>>15703903
>being this adorably naive
stay like this, anon

>> No.15703910

>>15702875
when you say that you do your best to ne servile. how does it exactly translate in real life ? do you do all of what other people ask you ? did they ever abused of your "generosity" or would i rather said servitude ?

>> No.15703924

>>15702239
same

>> No.15703926
File: 46 KB, 450x510, balcony.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703926

>>15702134
>>15702134
Baudelaire's Paris Spleen
I'm a serious drug addict. Friends pick jokes at me for being a little crazy during highschool but although I've been sober for a bit the habit is definitely still there. I'd love to say that I've quit for good but that's definitely not the case, I look through my grandparent's medication daily and still try to seek drugs from dealers although my family moved out of the city so I wouldn't have access.

>> No.15703929

>>15702242
it that a lie too ? cuz it's sound paradoxal

>> No.15703937

>>15702474
that sound good!

>> No.15703941
File: 461 KB, 1000x1508, B868886C-BC1C-4775-B36A-BC22F03BCA45.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703941

>>15702397
holy fuck you too anon?

>> No.15703942

>>15702574
i didn't expect to see a secret like that ^^

>> No.15703947

>>15703905
Thanks man I’ll be your right. I should probably also follow that other post and get some therapy. I’ve basically been lifting while constantly at war with my brain and I think I need some help or I might lose

>> No.15703949

i cannot pick a favorite so i’ll go with one i really like, east of eden. gorgeous writing.

i was sexually assaulted at the age of 16 and now i am 25 and haven’t had sex because it left me with a psychosomatic condition that makes most any interaction in that area painful. i experience depersonalization with some frequency and i have ptsd. i’m ashamed of being a virgin. i feel like a fake adult.

>> No.15703955

>>15703926
Drug of choice?

>> No.15703959

>>15702256
You’ll burn in hell

>> No.15703962

>>15702914
>>15702914
i wish you all the best

>> No.15703966

>>15702344
Then you didn’t read it fucking dummy why don’t you go listen to Joe Rogan or something

>> No.15703967

>>15702947
why are you talking about prostitution you dirty douchbag ?

>> No.15703970

>>15703924
Based

>> No.15703972

>>15702353
That is fucking hilarious

>> No.15703977

>>15703908
I knew a bitch called emma that had a nasty ass secret she wouldnt tell me
i really hope thats you LMAO

>> No.15703978

>>15703955
Both Stimulants and Opioids, anything but weed, I fucking hate weed.

>> No.15703985

>>15702474
>WAITING for a noble death
Bitch

>> No.15703991

>>15703978
>hate weed

What are you, a faggot or something?

>> No.15703994
File: 498 KB, 400x225, 567357.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15703994

>>15703977
my name isn't emma but i assure you many women have tried this

>> No.15704006

>>15702474
retard you will go back to the same nothingness that it was before you were born you wil cease to exist, theres no after life.
if u dont think thats scary youre already fucked

>> No.15704024

>>15703978
Based /lit/ taste in drugs

>> No.15704032

>>15702618
Reprehensible but at least there is guilt and introspection.
>>15702718
Somehow worse. Peak cringe post, please never make another.

>> No.15704101

>>15703237
Seconding talking to a priest.

If you're a Mormon, I'm going to assume that you might live in Utah or Idaho. Mental health systems there are not great, but there's no shame in going to an ER and checking yourself in.

>> No.15704121
File: 38 KB, 678x710, Bed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704121

>>15702273
Why even have the Cars car at all? It makes it look like a Pixar ad or something

>> No.15704128
File: 22 KB, 225x225, 1589837872499.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704128

Don't have favorites, don't read fiction.

My biggest secret is just the utter disgust and contempt I feel for almost everyone I encounter and you despicable dregs are among the worst. I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome these feelings so I'll never be able to live a normal life with a wife, kids and a successful career. Still I've managed to convince everyone that this remains my goal in life, a life of dignity. In truth I just want to die with dignity.

I really want to appreciate the life that I've been given even though it has been rough but all I want is to die and escape this filth, especially all the lies.

>>15702792
This is legitimately sickening and I really hope it's not true.

>> No.15704134
File: 37 KB, 540x540, 6357357.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704134

>>15704128

>> No.15704138

>>15704128
Cringe

>> No.15704147

>Favorite
Rotk

>Secret
I imagine all the characters looking like Dynasty Warriors

>> No.15704148

>>15704032
Why is women deciding over their bodies so scary to retards like this? Grow a fucking pair.

>> No.15704182

>>15702134
Absalom, Absalom!

I wish I were a woman, but I'll never transition. I'd never pass.

>> No.15704204

>>15704182
Is A,A! better than TSATF?

>> No.15704205

Nausea

I have a gf but I'm addicted to exchanging nudes with other girls

>> No.15704206

>>15704182
I wish I was a man, anon. Or at least had a dick. You're not alone.

>> No.15704213

>>15703260
That is the hard part: remembering what you have lied and to whom. It is so mentally exhausting yet I can't seem to get away from it anymore.

>> No.15704262

>>15704213
It gets worse as you get older and the more little lies you use. The big ones become part of your persona, you're always rehearsing them and keeping them in your script, it might be exhausting but it's easy to keep track of them.
Those little lies you use just once for no reason are extremely easy to forget.

>> No.15704268
File: 95 KB, 960x640, CC2B2B5C-B0A8-4D9E-BAD8-D2DDFCAB499A.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704268

The Great Gatsby

The first and only date I have ever been on, while itself went decently well, the girl effectively dumped me the night afterward over text. I still had her shirt and it smelled like her so I beat off with the armpits wrapped around my face. It felt insanely good, and I kept doing it until the smell wore off. I now have a fetish that thankfully is impossible to replicate over the internet. I have never had sex.

>> No.15704318

>>15702397

sounds like imposter syndrome. face the truth and cleanse your spirit anon.

>> No.15704322

>>15704262
It started from fundamental lies and now it has indeed led to mundane white lies that don't even benefit me in any sort of way. I'm quite positive this will be the end of me.

>> No.15704330

>>15702134
Chronicles of thomas covenant the unbeliever

>> No.15704334

>>15704268
dont worry anon, you'll find someone

>> No.15704344

>>15704205
kill yourself normalfag

>> No.15704461

>>15704121
makes it look more innocent

>> No.15704483

>>15703764
I try to be. I made a couple bad decisions when drunk and I regret it.

>> No.15704527

>>15702242
I don't trust you

>> No.15704540

>>15704344
Rude

>> No.15704586

>>15702718
Hahaha you disgusting simp

>> No.15704589

>>15703994
wtf is wrong with you no we haven't. what kind of women are you talking to kys

>> No.15704592
File: 40 KB, 600x714, 1592773048821.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704592

>>15702716
Relatable I want off this ride

>> No.15704598

2666


Some people I used to consider friends(coworkers) have been messing with me for a while now. And there seems to be a large group of people who turn up in public to stare me down or yell things like "Dogfucker!" and "Faggot!" -- one time, I shit you not, I was on a train and I wrote in the notes on my phone "I wish I knew what these people thought of me" and someone a few seats over gets up to get off the train, looks at me, and says "pedophile". I used to think it was just that weed made me paranoid, but these people always act strange around me and know things about my life that I didn't tell them. I'm fairly sure they drugged me by applying something to the filter tip of joints before I got them. On one occasion(last new years) these drugs made my entire body go numb, and other times have made me feel like I'm occupying a smaller body within mine.

Fucking A. I'm just scared to go out and scared that people are spreading rumors about me fucking animals or children. I have just wanted to kill myself constantly since the start of this year. Went to a mental hospital, got on meds and nearly convinced myself it was all in my head, but I've never had voices in my head, its always actual real people saying actual real shit.

This is my deepest secret because if I tell people that this is what is really happening to me, of course, they think I must be paranoid and delusional, when in fact my reality testing is quite good. Fuck.

>> No.15704608

>>15702808
What is correlation between his post and you calling him fascist?

>> No.15704616

>>15703623
lol white woman

>> No.15704629
File: 36 KB, 255x230, 1591401862752.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704629

>>15702792
>This post

>> No.15704641
File: 9 KB, 250x232, 39a10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704641

>>15702830
You got it king

>> No.15704656

>>15703792
Stoner is a great book.

I have vivid dreams exactly like your reality about highschool and college. I literally don't even remember if it happened in real life or not anymore, all I know is that I never finished college.

I worked at a restaurant until recently, making around $1000 a week for 20-25 hours worth of fairly shitty work. But I haven't worked since coronavirus and don't plan on going back. About 5 years ago I met a girl I don't really like that much but she likes me and we got secretly married. Her family is rich so I'm waiting for some of them to die so I can finally accomplish some of my dreams involving owning my own business. I don't care if the business fails or not, I just want to do it. If people stay alive for too long I think I can put together a false business plan legit enough and get the money that way.

So there's hope.

I too recently bought a gun. I specifically didn't buy a gun for almost 10 years because I knew I'd kill myself if I did. A couple of years ago I stopped thinking about it. Then I saw a gun I thought looked cool.
The minute I walked out to the car I realized I should not have bought it.

>> No.15704658

>>15704598
Based schizo. Start exercising lol

>> No.15704694
File: 764 KB, 785x664, 1591716887618.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15704694

>>15702134
Crime and Punishment

I cannot feel empathy and would kill provided I was unhappy enough, regardless of my own morality, ethics and feeling that murder is always wrong

>> No.15704715

>>15702134
Siddhartha by Hesse

I ought to drop of college and quit my plans to be in the army but without them I am a loser. Within the structure of the army I am a driven and competent man, and without it I am a lazy NEET with no friends that is kind of fit. I don't know what the fuck to do and I am too afraid to change course. If anyone itt regrets or doesn't regret being in the military, especially as an officer, please offer insight.

>> No.15704766

>>15703792
this could have been written by me, except that ive now wasted 3 full years in a 5 year study. i could have been finished this year, but im not even half way. dude, im telling you from experience, get checked for depression. ive started to come to terms with the fact that my brain is broken, and if i dont do something about it, i will sabotage myself until i lose control and hang myself. you need to do something before this shit gets worse, bro, and talking to a professional is the first step. i recently started going on wellbutrin, and im feeling a little more motivated. it can really help

>> No.15704896

>>15703659
bitter cope. no one sincere about that needs to express murderous rage about it. please mature. also, a developing child is not a zygote. don't misuse terms in a pathetic attempt to dehumanise. that said, if you were sincere about this, i would personally not care because it comes from a legitimate and consistent position on something which is more than most can say.

>> No.15704904

>>15702792
>>15702875
this is pretty cool anon but you sound kinda scary :(

>> No.15704912

>>15704896
>does he care about zygotes?
tick box 1 for yes
tick box 2 for no

keep ticking those boxes

>> No.15704979

The Decline of the West

I want to expend all the energy I have in helping humanity

>> No.15704982

>novel: 3 musketeers or TKB
>non fiction: probably the myth of Sisyphus
>I'm 25 khv, my greatest fear is to be alone forever without a family. I feel like an outcast to society, I'm spiritual and a bit of a weirdo and I feel so out of place in today society
>>15702256
>>15702397
>>15702618
>>15702716
That's some deep stuff. Keep up guys, I love this place and every anon here. We are all gonna make it
>>15702792
Ok this one wins, I hope at least you feel sorry of yourself.

>> No.15704994

>>15702134
Inherent Vice
I always thought I should have ended up with my wife's sister

>> No.15704996

>>15704994
Based Zeno

>> No.15705008

Philosophical Investigations

I fired an employee for being black but told them it was about them being late

>> No.15705011

This might be one of the best threads in a while, I wish I could hug you all my brothers and sisters.

>> No.15705014

I don't read a lot of fiction but I liked Steppenwolf

I keep the extent of my isolation hidden from the few people I talk to. I had a girlfriend for 8 months and she didn't know I was basically friendless until the end, when I was scrolling through my contacts to call my mom and she said
>wow you don't have many contacts.
She broke up with me 2 weeks later, I don't think because of that.
Same thing with my mom, from very young I pretended to be more popular than I was to here, I don't think she buys it. It's mostly my fault too, I'm too proud to ask other people to do fun stuff, I just wait till they ask me.

One friend did just that but after almost a decade of that we stopped hanging out and I only really talk to him if I buy weed from him. My only friend turned into my (occasional) drug dealer.

Right now I've been unemployed for about 3/4 months and I haven't done much other than read.

>> No.15705022

The Brothers Karamazov
My deepest, darkest secret is that I have no deep, dark secrets. I realized this the other day when I was being interviewed for a job, and the interviewers asked me, "What ethical dilemmas have you had and how did you deal with them?" I had no answer. For the life of me, I couldn't think of a single one. I fear that the struggles I have had are merely inconveniences, and that when an actual challenge comes along, I'll crumple. In fact, I've made a career shift from teaching English to policing so that I could experience a "tougher" life. If I didn't have a loving girlfriend whom I plan to marry, I would have gone one step further and joined the military. I fear that I'll die unchallenged, but I try to exercise gratitude by reminding myself that things could always be worse. Honestly, I chop it all up to mental weakness. I just need to be stronger.

>> No.15705039

>>15705014
I didn't go into detail how I keep it hidden but I've done plenty of things to cover up my failure.
For example when I still lived at home and got fired from my job, I still left the house in the morning and spend the entire day either at the movies or just taking walks till my work day ended.
I kept this up for weeks until I found a different job, then pretended I switched jobs by my own choice.

>> No.15705042

Don't have favourites because I'm a non-person.

I am afraid of everything and not a real person. For most my life I was a fractured collection of masks trying to discern good social strategies and not get burnt due to a violent and unstable childhood and my older brother being a sociopath that takes pleasure in instilling psychological dissonance and dysfunction in others. For me it was punishment if I do one thing and punishment if I do the other. Desperately searching for the right way to do everything. I can't remember really doing or experiencing anything in my life because fear and avoidance takes absolute precedence. If I'm in a situation that I think on the outset or hindsight might be good to experience, in my head I am desperately plotting a way out into a static or background state that I can handle better. I have always been several steps away from my first-person. I couldn't deal with conflict or people focusing on me whether positive or negative, I longed to be just sort there, watching and safe but not really of the world. I can't even walk properly when someone is looking at me because the jolt of avoidance and need to formulate a way out is so all-consuming that I can't do basic automatic movements naturally. When I was about 15-16 I finally became selfaware and very depressed. Stopped trying anything. To cope I overconsumed media, slept late, and increasingly barely attended school. This withdrawal and an attempt to fix myself has alienated and destroyed me beyond reconciliation. I've found the only time I can get into that first-person, real feeling, is when angry and violent which I have always enjoyed very much. Anger and violence perturbs me easily, probably more than most, but when I am the instrument of it, it's the only time I really feel like a person. I channel this into intellectual pursuits, particularly negating and sullying others. I think something good can come of it, I genuinely believe and hope, but most of the motivation is probably more sinister.

>>15704912
Reductionism is dumb. There is more to that exchange than boxes. Also, zygotes are not what he was speaking about despite erroneously using the term. This is no mistake but a clear way of framing the topic. Context was also not sufficient to be sperging out like that. Clearly an algorithmic tick gained from some internet hovel's echoes.

I tick neither. The relevant thing to abortion is emotion, insisting on something destructive to others for satiation of cultic bitterness is not legitimate. If you need to proselytise a death cult and shit on their lived feelings of others when no one asked, such as distraught women who have aborted their babies, then don't be surprised when you are met with disgust.

>> No.15705062

>>15703252
>Abortion isn't equal to killing a kid, it IS killing kid.
Can you expand on the difference between the two concepts (being equal to killing a kid vs. being killing a kid) and prove to all of us that you don't write stuff just for rhethorical effect but that there is actual thought behind them?

>> No.15705085

>>15702872
b-but that's not a secret anon, I've known about this for sometime because of the posts you make in the crit and writer threads. I'm rooting for you buddy, hope things get better.

>> No.15705096

>>15704598
The same thing happened to my cousin. He was a normal guy but then in his mid 20s he started to think everyone was in cahoots against him. He was schizophrenic but never got proper treatment. He would get a job but quit soon after because he said people were talking about him behind his back and poisoning him. He fell off the map 2 years ago. I wish I had advice on how to help you

>> No.15705097

>>15702256
Checks out desu. Great taste, anon

>> No.15705098

>>15704101
I'm deployed military.

>> No.15705110

>>15704715
You not yet in?
It may be far different from what you imagine and may not be a good idea to cling to it, but you will regret it either way

>> No.15705113

>>15703260
It seems very natural for me to be deceiving, sometimes I actually find it harder to tell the truth. I have no doubt I am a sociopath and there is probably some clinical reason why but I don't much care to change my current predicament.
>>15704318
"Imposter syndrome" relates more to a feeling of being insufficient or an "imposter" without real justification. What I have is quite to the contrary, to a lesser extent now, but I revel in the feeling of people buying in and attaching themselves to a fiction that is entirely my own creation. An example being, nobody outside an estranged family has known/used my real name in over 5 years.

>> No.15705140

>>15702134
The Good Soldier Švejk

I honestly cannot think of anything serious

>> No.15705165

>>15705140
you read the original or a translation, bruder?

>> No.15705184

>>15702134
Iliad or Hamlet

I think a large chunk, if not all, of my life has been guided by the the fact that I’m extremely skinny, even the so-called biological stuff like anxiety and depression (pretty sure I larped my way into both because I thought it would make me edgy, which is ultimately all I have because I’m not very attractive unadorned). Obviously an attraction to the arts gets wrapped into. What else os there for a scrawny piece of shit like me? I am supposed to be a grown man but resemble a 12 year old boy. If not anything, practically, this makes me want to stay with my gf out of fear of never being able to find another (even though she is a 6 at best and I’ve dated a solid 8 in the past).

>> No.15705196

Roadside Picnic or LotR Two Towers

I bullied this smelly goth dude into sucking my dick when I was like 14. I could sense that he was already gay and he was like 17. I don't think I'm gay desu. Haven't had any gay thoughts in my life. Have had sex with women and thought it was cool. Literally just think my Freudian nigger/ chimp brain activated when I was a kid. Like how you see monkeys using frogs as flesh lights.

>> No.15705203

>>15702134
Coiled Serpent

>> No.15705213

>>15705196
cringe and gay/10

>> No.15705220

>>15704715
I enlisted a few months ago. Currently in dep with an infantry contract. Went and did a soldier orientation program yesterday and ended up throwing up six times. I didn't know we'd be running and doing calisthenics so I'd eaten a whole bunch of guacamole and McDonald's earlier that day. Honestly. Find hobbies. Understand that most friends you meet will be kind of surface level but still less so than college. If clinging to the concept of military macho man is what keeps your idea of self from crumpling just enlist if you don't get into ocs. Having an identity, no matter how frail, is honestly so worthwhile.

>> No.15705231

>>15702792

>Call me Ishmael, or not, I don't care. I'm outta here.

>> No.15705233

>>15704715
Same guy as previous reply.
No one I've ever met, except two marines lmao, has regretted doing the military thing. Every boomer Chad I know was either army or air force. My buddy got a cute wife, two deployments, a freind for life, and a disability check out of being a 13f. So if anything just focus on your GPA so you can get a shot at picking the job you want after ocs. Deadass pick combat arms or Intel or psyops. Smart people are gunna want those so you gotta perform and get first pick.

>> No.15705243

>>15705165
The Russian translation.

>> No.15705250

>>15705220
Wait till you've been in ten years lmao

>> No.15705340

>>15702256
I think it goes without saying but you're a shitty person and I hope you are feeling remorse.

>>15702718
t. an idiot

>>15703237
Talk to a priest, anon.

>> No.15705379

T.S. Eliot's full poetry.

When I was ten years old, I took a decision that made my grandma die. She was a mean woman, not only with me, but with everyone, so I was not used to go check on her right away, awaiting a bit for she to calm down. One day I let she call me for ten minutes before going to see how she was, then I discovered the room full of blood and vomit. Her stomach ulcer had ruptured. If I had went sooner, it's possible she had survived.

Looking back at it, it's not something I feel particularly guilt about, happening when I was but a boy, but it's a moment I will always remember as a failure of mine.

>> No.15705388

>>15702872
Fuck anon, that's sad, my boy.

>> No.15705398

>>15703237
talk to a priest my friend

>> No.15705405
File: 8 KB, 299x299, vYCj0nv_d.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15705405

The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli

Back when I was in university I pressured my 18 year old depressed girlfriend into having sex with me before she was ready, she'd cry after every time. I also cheated on her on numerous occasions because I didn't feel like she's putting in enough effort into the relationship. I still don't know why I behaved that way towards when I normally treat women well.

>> No.15705409

>>15704121
when i was just a kid i slept in my Teletubbie pajamas

>> No.15705421

>>15705379
That's a rough one, but you were ten and she obviously created her own stigma.
Have you ever told anyone in your family?

>> No.15705433

>>15705421
Oh yes. My uncle, her son, came right after I went in. He gave me a punch to the back of the head for he believed I did it intentionally.
I became the family devil after that, but I hold no grudges. They could not possibly understand. Neither could I some years ago.

>> No.15705470

>>15702474
This is a joke akin to the ones about closeted homo/heterosexuality but no one got it because no one reads

>> No.15705472

>>15705433
I haven't had anyway near as a brutal experience, but I was essentially considered the black sheep, and much later was gaslighted by my dad and his new gf about being completely worthless etc
His gf would tell me to kill myself and then my dad would play the part of not believing me, I was only staying with them until I got a new job, but it was three months of hell. When I eventually lashed out at them after being constantly undermined and prodded, I was the evil person.

And while it's not the same calibre, I know what it's like to have family that see you in a way that will never get their empathy. It can make you feel like there's an injustice, no catharsis and it can play on your mind daily.

Sounds like you're on a good path though, my friend. You like Wilfred Owen?

>> No.15705475

>>15704982
:)

>> No.15705533

I don't do favourites, but I like The Young Hitler I knew.

I was typing a long blog post but I deleted it cause it sounded retarded.
Long story short, I don't think I can love. I had a first gf years ago, I loved her, but broke up with her (manipulative). I then worked on myself, got more GFs, broke up with all of them because I didn't love them. Then I got my current gf, I'm with her for about 2 years. We have common interests and good sexual life etc., but I don't love her. I never loved any of the girls I was with past the first one. It's not even close. They don't smell as good. They don't laugh as good. They don't smile as good. They're just nowhere near as perfect as my infatuated eyes saw the first one. I don't think I will ever be with agirl that ignites the same passion. It hurts. It hurts more than being a KHV.

>> No.15705541

>>15705472
I completely understand. There's shoulb be no such thing as a scale of pain. The experience of familial alienation is possibly the worst an young person can have, and to have someone you trust betraying what you believe and demeaning you, that must have been rough. You have my compassion. But, I must ask, how are you feeling these days? Have your emotions changed? How's your life?

And about Wilfred Owen, never had heard of him until now, anon, but the themes of his writing did struck a chord.

There's something about the inevitability of war, or rather, man's choices that built cultures that make we go to war that always seemed terribly tragic to me. When you come to dissect human nature, or whatever it is in the moment, you just discover that we are all born blank slates with appetites, and that we will indulge in them because they make us feel pleasure, the oldest pleasure being that for the continuation of life, which is always amoral and aethical. It's always nice to know what one desires, therefore. Espinosa's ethics of desire comes to mind, albeit I will probably paraphrase him; we can never stop desiring, but we can know what we desire. I often come to ask if we, as humans, shouldn't be making that question more often.

Thanks for the recommendation, I would also like to say.

>> No.15705563

>>15702134
Crime and Punishment
I abused animals as a teenager and still have issues with empathy.

>> No.15705575

>>15705563
Kill yourself.

>> No.15705584

>>15702242

Are you Klamm?

>> No.15705589

>>15705575
no

>> No.15705605

>>15702397

Based sociopath

>> No.15705615

>>15705196
just sounds like youre trying to prove your masculinity to yourself with this post. Some guy sucked your dick, whatever. Its not a big deal, unless you're that insecure or care about what random people think of your life.

>> No.15705618

>>15704006
Why would you be scared of that? Are you afraid of going to sleep too? Nothingness is harmless, there's literally nothing to worry about. No regrets and no joys and nothing; absolute eternal silence and lack of conscious sounds as close to heaven after living as it can get. I intend to live a full life, enjoy whatever time I have left and then retreat into sweet oblivion when the time comes.

>> No.15705624

>>15702668
You definitely type like a woman.

>> No.15705663

>>15705541
No problem on the rec, that inevitably tragic element is questioned wholeheartedly by Owen in such a powerful way, and knowing that he died in the war just adds to it tenfold, in my opinion.
Your ethical point is interesting, I've been meaning to get around to Spinoza.
In that sense I will answer about my life, when it was worse I used to desire that my family would suddenly change, see my good-intentions, etc, and we would all reconcile.
But knowing that it is essentially a pipe-dream I now focus on my desire to have a family of my own; knowing that I would never treat my children the same way.
I guess I still want the same thing, but I know that I must play a different role in my ultimate wish.

>> No.15705664

The Art of War

I absolutely despise taking care of the weak and unable, be it people or animals, yet I do it with fervor because I firmly believe I am also them as much as they are me.

>> No.15705665

>>15702474
This kind behavior is classified as suicidal as far as I know

>> No.15705676

>>15705563
Did reading Crime and Punishment help? Serious question.

>> No.15705683

>>15703237
Listen to me please anon. Everyone in this board is gonna have you "talk to a priest" because they think its "aesthetic" to be religious and have adopted a vapid identitarianism based on being "conservative". I am the son of a pastor and have been raised in church and used to have thos exact same problem. The thing is, you are in an endless cycle of self punishment.
First you subconsciously seek to do things that are bad and against your sense of morals, and then it inevitably regret and it ends in a cycle of shame and self punishment. You subconsciously seek to be punished and do things that lead to you feeling shame. Please break the cycle. Realize why you wish to be punished, what it bothering you. Then come to terms with imperfection. Come to terms with being human. Get out of the identitarianism prision

>> No.15705686

>>15705676
Yes.

>> No.15705691

>>15705683
>waaaaaaaaaa christianity hard
i wish i knew the reason why god predestined you to make this awful post

>> No.15705694

>>15705683
also sorry if my english is shit i am not native

>> No.15705727

>>15705691
It has nothing to do with christianity being hard. In this case christianity is a pretext for inner workings of the sub conscious mind. Christianity works as a moral framework tgrough wich one can enact a certain dynamic. Today I am still a religious person (I follow a traditional religion from my country that my grandfather and family used to have, and it takes infinitely more dedication and devotion than I had when I was in a christian church), but the thing is that religion wasnt the focal point. It was the pretext. The cycle of self punishment is a horrible thing that actively prevents you from having any inner peace ever, and in my case has lead to many mental diseases and toxic behaviors. To say this is just "christianity hard" is so shallow

>> No.15705729

>>15702134
the will to power

I am a schizotypal sociopath who has sold pounds and pounds of meth

>> No.15705764

>>15705663
I see. I hope you are understanding yourself nicely, these days. When I was yongman myself I had the same desires, but, ultimately, I found that them were the biggest fonts of sufferring in my life. I stopped and re-evaluated myself, and found that many things I took as truths or needs were simply a desire for acceptance, while being scared or desiring to appear as more important than others. It was impotence.

>>15705683
>>15705727
Your posts have a lot of wisdom. I just wanted to say that. You are doing good work communicating these ideas to others.

All shall be opened, my friend.

>> No.15705768

>>15703252
i bet that fascism like you condemn homosexual people. that what i hate religious people. they always try to dictate other people life and are 100 pour-cent sure of the religion and talk of it lit's it the obvious provable truth

>> No.15705775

>>15703279
he should rather go to a psychologiste. he need a health professional not a priest.

>> No.15705787

The Savage Detectives

I once attempted suicide. It changed my mind. Now i think i cand o whatever i want and if things get really fucked up i can just kill myself.
I'm also kinda gay. I like sex with men but there is no way i can be in a relationship with one.

>> No.15705795

>>15703659
zygotes sand fetus are two different things you tard

>> No.15705798

>>15703685
not everyone is as fuckud up as you.

>> No.15705802

>>15703755
you don't need to be pagan to sacrifice animals to gods Muslims and jews do it

>> No.15705815

>>15705042
Maybe defining a favourite book would help with the identity issues, instead of you getting out of your way to confirm those; even if it's a taste that's obviously coming from there.
I really do hope you'll get better

>> No.15705817

>>15703843
i need that to do that too.

>> No.15705824

>>15703855
damn that also right. but it's much more practice to toughen up!

>> No.15705828

>>15703908
lol i am not that naive dude. but thanks ^^

>> No.15705836

>>15703970
yup

>> No.15705842

>>15704006
why do you think that everyone should scared as you ?
pussy

>> No.15705851

>>15705220
>just enlist
>having an identity is so worthwhile
This is a bit sad
but I guess I never enjoyed collective thought

>> No.15705869

>>15704128
that pretty unique.

>> No.15705870

>>15705802
jews and muslims are pagan

>> No.15705879

>>15704148
if you kill your own should. you should take responsibility for it. her body doesn't have 4 are 4 legs and 4 eyes. she is hosting a another human being inside their body that she created.

>> No.15705888

>>15704213
my situation is a little similar to yours.

>> No.15705899

>>15704598
damn

>> No.15705910

>>15704896
>>15704896
https://i7.pngguru.com/preview/349/415/711/pepe-the-frog-feeling-know-your-meme-internet-meme-4chan-will-smith.jpg

>> No.15705917

>>15705008
wow.
you are a jerk.

>> No.15705923

>>15705011
that indeed one of the best thread i have ever seen

>> No.15705930
File: 26 KB, 541x540, Ben Hang URself.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15705930

>>15702792
>>15702875
Seek help. Even if this isn't true (which I doubt), the fact that you can write this and think you belong in human society is confounding.

>> No.15705948

>>15705042
i want to say.
that first you are an interesting person and this thread is awesome.
2 you are fucking smart and is right about the guy farming anti abortion people

>> No.15705954

>>15705098
where ?

>> No.15705971

>>15705851
"I'm such a cool lone wolf. Not like these christfags or redditors." Shut up you subhuman turd. If you weren't retarded and incapable you might realise there is a difference between having an identity outside of how you see yourself and being part of an unthinking collective.

>> No.15705973

>>15705196
LOL

>> No.15705978

>>15705098
the army & a mormon
dont get more murican than that,
cmon pal, snap out of it

>> No.15705977

>>15705213
he is gay in denial

>> No.15706014

>>15705971
Listen here, you arrogant bugman.

Everything you are depends on the other. Your language, your thoughts, your ideas, your perception, the land you tread with your irresponsible bugman feet, the transcendental ideas you hold about reality but do not really believe, the very clothing you wear, the air that you breathe. Every single one of the capacities of the human experience, be it perceptional or abstract, rely on the other. The only real category of humanity is humanity, the rest, is history, and if history ever teached one a thing, is that change is an inevitability (physics also prove it), so you can either change nicely, without inflicting pain on others, or you can hold onto views that are egocentrical tools for others to have power upon you and you capacities as a human being. Time will not wash clean the bloody face of history, and you, my friend, can either contribute to that blood or be a little speck of water against it, until we become a wave that will drown the ruling power, and it will all start over again.

Start thinking, realize what you are (which is very little, as is everyone), and what you desire. Then, you won't be as arrogant as you are, you self-centered bugman.

>> No.15706025

>>15702319
lmao

>> No.15706074

>>15702550
Very based. But then, very cringe.

>> No.15706080

Leviathan

I manipulated a girl to fall in love with me, bringing her to the point where she would have left her boyfriend for me and then leaving her without a word

>> No.15706096

>>15705011
And it's not about literature as always

>> No.15706098

Silverwing

I became a furfag because of this book

>> No.15706111

>>15705971
You do belong in the army

>> No.15706115
File: 82 KB, 594x545, cacklover.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15706115

>>15702635
You disgusting freak LMAO

>> No.15706124

>>15704205
Why do you do it?

>> No.15706135

>>15704598
That sounds like developing schizophrenia

>> No.15706151

>>15704694
t. Raskolnikov

>> No.15706171

>>15706014
Fuck anon, chill, chill.

>> No.15706180

>>15706115
kek

>> No.15706181

>>15702134
The Year of the Death of Ricardo Reis

I think I might have sexually assaulted my ex-girlfriend, She basically told me I did. I've subsequently spent the last 2 years jerking off that to that sole encounter.

>> No.15706195

>>15706181
What did you do?

>> No.15706231

>>15702353

>I went to jail for assault and never told my mother. She thinks I went on vacation in Alaska with friends.

This is indeed hilarious. I mainly read these threads for fiction ideas, and this is a good one. It would make a fine farcical short story or one-act play in the style of Charly's Aunt.

>> No.15706245

>>15702353
son!
& xon

>> No.15706269

>>15702474
>>15705665
It's quite common, I think, both in real life and fiction. A good example of the former is Enoch Powell. When asked in a radio interview about his biggest regret, he said, without hesitation and with obvious sincerity: "I wish I'd been killed in the war". The interviewer absolutely didn't know what to make of it.
An example from fiction is Sydney Carton in A Tale of Two Cities.

>> No.15706275 [SPOILER] 
File: 85 KB, 700x675, 1593180088520.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15706275

Red Mars

I tried to kill myself after a rumour was spread about me being a nonce at school. ADHD and sperg so I never really had a chance as most people already implicitly disliked me and ran with it. Police were involved as a mandatory reporter got wind of it and the rumour spreader was expelled but the damage was done. Downed a bottle of anti-depressants with a litre of vodka and woke up in the hospital. Developed horrible serotonin syndrome which I fight to this day. As a result I am a polysubstance addict. I've never been able to socialise or effectively express myself without dextroamphetamine, alcohol, or weed. I'm also a fucking good writer because of it -- the only thing I'm good at -- but am in a constant state of painful self-examination and critique to the point where a bad thought can give me a headache.

>> No.15706316

>>15703164

Interesting. Have you ever considered getting some saliva/whatever from the kid and finding out for sure? You might find he isn't, and that might help you.

>> No.15706324

>>15706014
"Guess I never enjoyed collective thought"
>Wanting to be part of something greater is egocentric
>Wanting to serve yourself while maintaining a group identity isn't inherently human

Wow you are such a faggot pseudo-intellectual it makes my teeth hurt. A twitter bot could have written your response. Imagine typing something like this and then telling others they lack self awareness.

>> No.15706329

>>15703623
The Once And Future King is pretty good. But at what age did it become your fave? Usually people just read other stuff afterwards and they supplant it, I think.
If the dog thing is really your deepest darkest secret you don't have any deep dark secrets. I mean who HASN'T let their dog like their vag? OK, exaggerating, but still, I'm pretty sure it's not gonna fast-track you to the ninth circle of hell.

>> No.15706350

>>15702914
You should read about Abby Johnson, she is a big pro-life advocate who was a manager at a Planned Parenthood (US abortion mill). She had multiple abortions before she converted and dedicated her life to ending abortion. She also has a big social media presence and if you wanted to get in touch with her you could. It might be helpful to talk to someone with a similar experience, and she is very very kind.

>> No.15706363

>>15705008
Well, if they were constantly late it wasn't that bad to fire them coz probably they didn't care about the job that much.

>> No.15706379

>>15705615
No just trying to provide some context and rationalize it to myself as I typed I guess. My brain wasn't fully formed and I don't really get any shame out of thinking about it but my natural reaction is to try and over explain. Also, wasnt trying to call the guy a frog and myself a chimp like I was somehow above him. Just couldn't think of a better example.
>N...no I'm not gay it was just a super masculine show of force.

>> No.15706415

>>15705787
>I like sex with men but there is no way i can be in a relationship with one.

This is pretty funny because it's so much an inversion of the normal attitude "I like having sex with girls but it's everything else about them that annoys me".

>> No.15706444
File: 46 KB, 413x620, 6985909797_3240f74ae0_z.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15706444

Kafka On The Shore

Lost my virginity to a prostitute who closed her eyes and held her face away in disgust the whole time. She looked exactly like pic related though so could have been worse.

>> No.15706445

>>15705379

Are you / was your upbringing religious? I just can't understand people liking T.S.Eliot, although a lot of sensible people do, so I wonder how much of it is a religious thing.

>> No.15706447

Lauri Hakulinen: Suomen kielen rakenne ja kehitys I–II
I prefer to piss sitting down.

>> No.15706463

>>15704766
Yeah I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I need professional help. My brain is basically sabotaging me and it’s almost like I’m help prisoner in my own mind, but not that extreme. I basically know what I need to do, but one side of me just refuses. It sucks so bad I think this has all been some weird subconscious suicide attempt, but first I have to destroy my life

>> No.15706475

>>15706115

This is great. I love real life.

>> No.15706476

>>15704896
Okay then it I SAW someone stomping on DEVELOPING CHILDREN I wouldn’t stop them. I would probably be confused though lol

>> No.15706484

>>15706447

did you know the Germans have a word for that?

SITZPINKLER

It's obviously derogatory, kinda like "metrosexual" sort of thing. Based Germans.

>> No.15706501

>>15702397

There's a cute little novel called Billy Liar about someone like this. He just fantasizes all the time. Eventually he meets a really great girl who tries to pull him out of it. At the end he has a dramatic decision to make, whether to go with her and grow up, or just carry on being an overgrown child. He chooses the latter and it's really, really sad.

>> No.15706505

>>15706444
actually I don't know where this is worse than the fact that I also still cyberstalk and fantasize about torturing and mutilating my middle school bully despite not having seen him in over a decade.

>> No.15706509

>>15705563
Did you beat a horse to death in a Russian man’s dream?

>> No.15706518

>>15702805

Doesn't sound as though you have anything to be hugely ashamed of. The only reason it might sting, I think, is if you suspect that the other teacher knew/suspected what had happened, and was waiting to see if you would tell him the truth, and was disappointed in you when you didn't. A good teacher would definitely know if a close colleage was banging a student.

Disappointing someone you respect is one of the worst things.

>> No.15706519

>>15705795
Okay then I would stomp on fetuses if I had even a minority good enough reason

>> No.15706546

>>15703329

Sounds like the Patrick Bateman moment when he pulls the face-mask off. But watching yourself in a mirror or listening to recordings of yourself is always disconcerting, because we're really not accustomed to seeing ourselves objectively at all.

(I sometimes wonder if that's one of the ways in which actors and performers are mad - they get used to seeing themselves and thinking of themselves from the POV of others.)

>> No.15706576

>>15705533

I think people these days hugely underestimate the importance of "first love" (and it's even more important for women, which is the main reason for the whole virginity thing). If your first sexual relationship is also your first serious emotional relationship, it imprints you the way that kid gets imprinted in A.I. You take each successive relationship that much less seriously.

>> No.15706580

>>15705954
a first world country in the eastern hemisphere

>> No.15706590

>>15706080

That's pretty bad. But you probably know this.

>> No.15706623

>>15706505

>middle school bully

This is a lot more common than you perhaps imagine. I still remember all the people who were a pain when I was in school, and they weren't even that bad - nothing really traumatic. It's mainly the fact that I never saw justice done and am lacking closure. I think that's why many religions lay such emphasis on forgiveness. It's not so much for the sake of the offender, as for the sake of the victim - you're just trapped forever if you can't forgive.

Almost everyone I've ever known well, has said they still have vivid memories of people being unpleasant to them when they were young, and still fantasize about getting revenge.

>> No.15706654

>>15702792
>Moby Dick
more like molto dick amirite hahahahaha

>> No.15706679

>>15703642

Not even sure if this is humblebragging. If you a) lost your virginity and b) in HS, you're a rippling-muscled chadly God among men in this board. As for getting a little too excited a little too early, just relax & be yourself dude.

>> No.15706702

>>15703949

Virgin at 25 isn't as bad as Hollywood would have you believe, anon.

It's interesting how naive people were, sexually, even comparatively recently. I was reading Goodbye To All That (Robert Graves' autobiography) the other day and it's startling how innocent he was, sexually, even while fighting in the trenches in WWI, which is about the least innocent experience one could possibly imagine.

tl;dr don't be so hard on yourself

>> No.15706715

>>15702134
>can't name a single favourite book
>I'm in love with a girl online but it's kind of hopeless

>> No.15706744
File: 298 KB, 489x618, sfx.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15706744

>>15702134
>Less Than Zero
>I have masturbated everyday since I discovered the ability to. I coom 3-5 times a day on average. I am starting an actual no-fap which I failed twice already because my old fwb is back in town and I can't keep it up. I'm so ashamed but making a FUCKING CHANGE TODAY GODDAMNIT

>> No.15706798

Anna Karenina

I am a coomer. I masturbate almost daily, sometimes more than two, and yes this is my darkness secret; my life is not exciting.

>> No.15706843

>>15703627
I read it in elementary school at first, but then came back to it in high school and realized it was a masterpiece. I read it every few years now to study it. Not a big fan of Lancelot in it, though, he's pretty fucking pathetic but I guess that's the point. TH White was afraid of women.

>> No.15706851

>>15706798
>>15706744
you two should hit it off on discord

>> No.15706886

>>15706798
>>15706851
>sometimes more than 2
nah scrub they ain't on my level, 3 MINIMUM sometimes push for 9

>> No.15706891

>>15705196
Haha lucky guy got to suck your cute dick

>> No.15706913

>>15706715
>Can't name a single fave book
Is that because you like none (bad) or because you like dozens (good)?

>in love with blah blah
Everyone is, dude. Nothing to be ashamed of unless you do something criminally stupid like giving her money she doesn't deserve and will waste.
(I've given money to several people online, but I'm pretty happy with my decision in almost all cases. None of it was from sexual yearning, though.)

>> No.15706927

>>15706886
lol

something about the abrupt jump from 3 to 9 was very amusing

>> No.15706946

>>15706444
Are you disgusting physically?

>> No.15706983

>>15706843
You answered the wrong person here I think. Did you mean to answer this one?
>>15706329
Assuming you did, Launcelot isn't that bad. I mean he gets to bang G. all the time. Lots of the others are worse.

>> No.15707016
File: 290 KB, 474x560, dan1592673383930.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15707016

>>15702134
but my favorite book IS my deepest darkest secret its Interview with the Vampire

>> No.15707063

>>15706913
>Nothing to be ashamed of unless you do something criminally stupid like giving her money she doesn't deserve and will waste.
I haven't given her money, she's richer than I am anyway.
I feel ashamed and foolish because I know it most likely won't lead anywhere, yet it's addictive like a drug. And it's fun too.

>> No.15707121

>>15706946
No I'm pretty average. It was probably because I was 18 at the time but looked about 14 and she probably thought I was underage but went through with it for the money. Might have just been me reading too much into it at the time from anxiety. Never had the same reaction from any others.

>> No.15707141

>>15707121
Lmao, that's pretty funny. Did you have sex you didn't pay for since?

>> No.15707187

>>15707141
I'm a friendless sperg so no but at least most of the ones I saw after her at least gave the impression of enjoying it

>> No.15707232

>>15707187

People who use prostitutes a lot say that the very hot ones generally have a bad attitude simply because they can. If you want "very hot plus good attitude", you're talking real money.

>> No.15707259

>>15707016

Haven't read it. I saw a bit of the film and thought it was boring, but this doesn't mean much. My "to read" list is already several lifetimes' worth, so I doubt I'll ever get to it. I think you're the first person who's said it's his favourite, though. (When enough people say this I move a book up the list, haha.)

>> No.15707301
File: 33 KB, 300x300, sail1592668504250.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15707301

>>15707259
I've never seen the movie because I've heard it looked gay as fuck and was told it was; then again, someone here on /lit/ told me the book was gayer so I have no idea.
I really do love that book though and I will never touch even one of its sequels.

>> No.15707388

>>15706983
Yeah oops I did answer the wrong person. Lancelot was frustrating because he couldn't commit to anything and Guinevere manipulated the fuck out of him. In the end it was just depressing as hell but it's all meant to be that way, I think. It's not a happy series. The first is happiest, I think.

>> No.15707415

>>15704204
They're quite different on a formal level so it's hard to compare. But I prefer Absalom, Absalom! It's much broader in scope.

>> No.15707461

>>15707388

Dunno about the 'not being able to commit' thing. I think it's more than he was equally committed to Arthur (and what he represented) and Guinevere too. I agree G. is pretty annoying.