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/lit/ - Literature

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1723522 No.1723522 [Reply] [Original]

Hey /lit/

I wrote a skit, I think its funny, but Im too close to the creation to know that.

there is a link http://pastebin.com/BzmXFdPt

and I will Copypaste in thread. tell me what you think and/or give /adv/ on how to make it better.

>> No.1723525

Meta

Scene - a library at 4:30 John - Aware that his is in a skit - aproach
es Martha - an arts Student staring intently at a book, chewing
on a very short pencil and looking decheveled. Martha is not
Aware they are in a skit.

John: Welcome!

Martha: Welcome to what?

J: Well its the start of the skit, so I thought I welcome you! Do you
realise you got the second line?

M: Umm, what the hell are you talking about? what do you mean skit? I
don't know about you but I'm here to work... so if you dont mind?

Martha raises her eyebrows a motions for John to leave, but he seems obliv-
ious to her intention to get any work done and pulls up a chair next to Ma-
rtha

J: What are you Working on?

M: Why do you want to know?

J: Well its probarbly important!

M: Important to what?

J: The punch line I assume...

Martha looks quizical

M: Punchline? whatever, If you must know Im working on a skit.

>> No.1723527

J: ahhh im starting to see, how DO they think they can get away with
this?

*break*

martha stalls but starts to look more interested

J: (to himself) Its just going to go downhill from here... can I guess what you sk-
it is about?

M: mmhmm?

J: Is it: two people meet in a library and one of them is constatly br-
eaking the 4th wall (Aside) thats me (/aside) and another who is
ironicaly writing the same skit that they are in?

M: how did you know that?

J: (ignoring the question) Its not very funny.

M: hey!

J: Its not your fault, I mean your only a charachter... its not
like you wrote the thing...

M: Didn't I?

She shows john the paper she's writing.

J: *reading the script*
"john: Welcome!
martha: welcome to what, yadda yadda"
AHA!, how did you not realise that we were having the same conversation that you just
wrote?

Martha Gawks a john,

M: oh, I guess i didnt think of that...

J: I told you they couldnt get away with it...


M looks at audience
lights fade

>> No.1723528

Stop posting it. You;ve given a paste bin link, you dumb ass.

>> No.1723530
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1723530

It's very... Kafkaesque.

>> No.1723534

>>1723530
but is it funny? or Should I change martha to K.

and K. Into a bug

and the bug into dead

like kafka might

>> No.1723539

>>1723522
It could be funny with more work.The "idea' is okay.One question,is english not your first language?Because there is a shit ton of mistakes in it.

>> No.1723541

>>1723534
Yes. Do that. Comedy!

There's nothing funny in it. The worst thing is it's pretty flat. You need tension and release, or it will never work.

>> No.1723543

How old are you OP?

>> No.1723544

>>1723539
English is my first language, But im a /sci/ student who sucks at spelling

>> No.1723545

>>1723543
guess ;)

>> No.1723547

>>1723545
12.

>> No.1723548

>>1723547
what is this?

>> No.1723551

Im going to take a guess and assume me and the other anon think you write like a foreigner i.e bad grammer

>> No.1723558

Your reclutance to reveal your age only tells us that you are too young to even be on this board. I suggest you keep reading and writing, but don't expect to come up with anything decent for the next half of the decade.

2/10, this is the best I can do.

>> No.1723566

>>1723558
By what hes wrote,i'd say 15 give or take a year.Don't feel hurt by it dash.The idea is there,you just don't have the experience to put it together just yet.