/lit/ - Literature

Peepee, poopoo
Poopoo? Poopoo
Peeepee, peepee, peepee...

I'm curious what you think about fasting anons. I have been reading about iraqi sufis and they're pretty bent on asceticism, it seems as a means of renouncing the world. But didn't God create the world? And I happen to know that it says in the Quran to enjoy that which is legal, and if you've been given wealth then to treat yourself within reasonable bounds. What do you think about the practice of fasting?

My mind and body is restless. I know what needs to be done yet I can't act on it.
Why?

>read book
>“alright this makes sense and i understand the themes and characters"
>maybe the analysis will give a new perspective
>read it
>90% of actual meaning just flew over my head
i feel like an idiot. maybe book reading isnt for me. after all i had major difficulties in literature classes regarding text analysis after all.

>>17884071
I'm kind of against looking up seconday analyses. it's gonna ruin your take, having your own take to yourself is magical, involving someone else like that ruins it. I mean I'd talk to people about it but involving some impersonal professor-character to steamroll my take just doesn't sound fun. I'm sure I miss tons too but I do enjoy myself, and when I hit upon some symbolism for myself it's like striking gold

>>17884110
you might be right about ruining the initial impression. its not like im reading for an exam lol. however i still have doubts about whenever i've missed some important theme.

>>17884062
Yeah, what needs to be done anon?

>>17884056
Fasting is great, the health benefits are not to be understated. Your body sanitises itself while also increasing hormonal balance. Fasting goes hand in hand with intense exercise to increase testosterone and other beneficial hormones. Mind that you still need some vital minerals and vitamins and that there will not be any benefits unless the fasting lasts past 12 hours. Ramadan fasting is not optimal because of this.

THE WORD ! ! UH, WELL, UH, BIRD ! SURFIN'! BBBBBBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB! AUUAUAUAUAUAGHGHGHGH! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B... ! B-BA M-MAO MAO B-BA M-MA-MAO
HOOK? IS THAT HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? AS A BULLY, OR AS THE
IN THE ACCIDENT. LIEUTENANT MITCHELL'S RECORD WILL BE CLEARED OF THIS INCIDENT. LIEUTENANT MITCHELL IS
T-'S HIGHEST PROBABILITY FOR SUCCESS NOW WILL BE TO COPY SARAH CONNOR AND WAIT FOR
THANK ME AT ONCE. ANYWAY, WE SHOULD BE AT ALDERAAN ABOUT HOURS. NOW, BE CAREFUL,
THE SECURITY SHIELD. SECURITY DEFLECTIVE SHIELD WILL BE DEACTIVATED WHEN WE CONFIRM YOUR CODE TRANSMISSION.
SUCCEED ON OUR MISSION, THIS ALTERNATE WILL BE CHANGED BACK INTO THE REAL , INSTANTANEOUSLY TRANSFORMING
MR. MARLON BRANDO, YOU KNOW SHAKESPEARE CAN BE DIFFERENT. FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR
DON'T BE AFRAID. THERE'S NO REASON TO BE AFRAID. WHERE DID YOU GO? HUH? I
HI, ALI. HI, ALI. I GOT TO BE NUTS. OK, HERE. STOP. DRAW ANCHOR. AH,
DAY BEYOND THE BLUE HORIZON... THIS WOULD BE A LOT EASIER, RAY, IF YOU'D LET
in close proximity with the life-form to be absorbed. The chameleon strikes in the dark.

>>17884149
Uni assignments is the most pressing matter at the moment. You would say just do it and start writing. You'd be right. But I can't for some fucking reason.

>>17884284
gl on the assignment king

>>17884292
Thanks King.

>>17884184
Whats the most beneficial fasting period? How often it should be done?

nice weather

>>17884302
Honestly, try different methods yourself. I eat supper very early and skip breakfast when I casually fast during the weekends. That makes it about an 18 hour window of no eating. You could spread out your fasting or do it for longer periods less often. I recommend not fasting longer than two days.

>>17884477
did you ever try it for a longer period?

>>17884495
Yes, it was not worth the extra effort. Not overdoing fasting is one of the most important things I have come to learn.

>>17884405
so true

the End of the F*cking World was a good show. some phenomenal performances, very good story about modern life.

WHEN WILL THEY GET RID OF THE MASK MANDATE IN MY STATE???? IM TIRED OF WEARING THIS EVERYWHERE I GO

I had a bid spiritual experience a couple of years ago. I think I was shown a lot. but some of the core things are fading from memory. I could write them down, but it's really about remembering a feeling. I remember that becoming no-thing felt free, light and sort of joyful in a fluttering way. the paradox is that no-thing is no-thing. this is the inherent light. but I still feel the experience is fading from me. And I frankly don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. I've pracitced religion since then, I took it to be an indication that I should. But so much has become confused, and the thing is that it largely was not religion that led to the experience. I read esoteric texts from what has now sort of become my tradition, and they talk about how the method brought them close to God. But wasn't how it happened for me. I can not testify that the tradition works, I can testify that you can get there without it. The only question is if there is any use in an effort toward becoming more loving, and if so which method brings one closest. that is what there is to do with being. we are always non-being, but I think it is somewhat static. if there is anything to do, any free will of any kind, any reason to pursue anything, then I think it is in this world, and what there would be to do is try to be loving. So how do you do that. I think religion has helped, desu. But there's just a lot, and there's a big risk that one ends up over-thinking things, and also that one ends up in a perpetual conclict with ones time that may not be very well motivated. Idk I'm not going anywhere, I might as wlel stop.

>>17884056
I lost 50lbs by fasting and it changed my relationship with food for a time.

I’m so fucking embarrassed at the way I was when I was younger, the stuff I did at school, the jobs I worked, the things I was interested in.

>>17884689
did you find it difficult?

>>17884694
Do you feel overwhelmed by the emotion?

>>17884702
Starting was the most difficult part. When you do multi-day fasts you progressively feel hungrier and just worse overall for about 2 days and then you start to feel better. In a way it was easier than a normal diet because the only thing that matters is willpower. No calculations. No strategy. Just do it or don’t.

>>17884712
I’m not sure there’s even emotion around it. It’s more like apathy and despair, mostly because I feel like all that regret has destroyed my present and my future. I don’t see much reason to live anymore.

>>17884758
cool, thank you

>>17884767
if it's any consolation I assure you no one outside your head gives any level of a shit about how cringy or not cringy your past was

>>17884779
It’s not. It’s mostly my own ideals that I can’t live up to and that’s what bothers me.

>>17884794
change ideals then, fuck it. clearly you've got something wrong if you're hung up on something impossible. because you seem pretty serious about trying to live up to them, so the effort doesn't seem to be the problem

>>17884806
I’m not sure that’s even possible, let alone easy.

>>17884968
I recommend the dao de jing. it's pretty much about this.

You guys are deplorable, but not that bad. I dunno if this will be my home.

>>17884056
I'm not downplaying the health or spiritual benefits of fasting, but I can't help but assume it was always just a way of making food stocks last longer

>>17884027
/biz/ is boring at the moment so I have begrudgingly come to this board in search of a decent thread to post in, but alas I have found nothing. 4chan is
Pontius Pilate and I am Christ on the cross.

Graduated uni two years ago, have a full time job but it's really just a stop gap while I look for something I 'really' want to do. I'm having such a difficult time even thinking about my options. I'm reminded of that quote from the Bell Jar about the fig tree and how she has so many figs to choose from she chooses none of them and then starves. The difficulty at this stage isn't making a decision, it's even being able to think about the decisions I have to make. I've been going for walks trying to figure things out and I make slow progress, they help a little. I'm jealous of a few friends of mine, a few years older, who at my age managed to leave our country and find jobs and adventures overseas. I would probably have taken the same route, except that's obviously not an option right now. I know this is all part of being this age and I know things will work themselves out eventually, but it's what's on my mind - and you asked, after all.

How do I cope after reading capitalist realism?

>>17884027
The days just fly by. I am feeling sad and lonely with nothing to look forward to.

Reposting the OP's OP from the other thread

I thought /lit/ was supposed to be a nice place, but it's just full of rude and angry retards. For the record I don't use reddit. It sucks equally to this shithole
Fun fact: 4chan ruined my brother. He used to be a nice guy but as he grew older he started isolating himself in his room staring at his computer day in and day out endlessly scrolling through the cancer that is 4chan. Now he's turned into not only a racist, though he always was a bit racist, it intensified to the extreme. He also hate women and other people in general. Especially after his afro-american girlfriend (yes you read that right) cheated on him. He was fired from his job for angry outbursts and general retardness. All he talks about is how fucked up the world is and that he wish he could kill each and every person on this earth. Now I try to avoid him at all cost. I still miss the relationship we had in our childhood though, a lot... He was the one person I could share all my thoughts with. I trusted him completely and he was the only male figure in my family I liked, actually loved. How I used to look up to him.... Now he's a complete mess. It's really so sad. He's also the person that introduced me to literature, though I didn't like it at the time (what a shame I know).

>>17885222
tl;dr

>>17884027
>grey folds enfolding

>become famous
>date a qt
>break up
>she outs your small shlong publicly
>it's bullshit, but now there's still this public dicklet aura around you
what do?

Being a lesbian is infinitely easier than being a gay guy.
Change my mind.

>>17884027
I don't know what is worse, the dull low intensity pain of loneliness from being single or the inevitable, intricate heartbreak of love. "Better to have loved and lost," the old saying goes. Is that really true? I'm working through the private hell of a romantic tragedy now, and the suffering of it is far more detailed, rich, and complex than the simple numb emptiness of being alone. It runs right through me, tears into the soft parts, is immediately destructive like a violent explosion and a fire that lingers in its wake. While loneliness is a insensate coldness. At its worst it gives you the feeling of dread that one might feel stranded in an icy arctic wasteland at night. That to me more manageable than the total obliteration of heartbreak.

>>17885290
Post your cock on onlyfans.

My housemate doesn't have any friends that aren't already our mutual friends. He's also never been on a date the entire time I've lived with him. It's fine in general but it means that I never ever ever have the house to myself, because he never goes out unless it's with me and I invite him. Sometimes you just want to watch a movie by yourself, you know? But he's always there.

Instead of attempting to write anything serious I spend my time spamming hornyposts about anime girls, written with one hand, on /a/ and /jp/ and gauging the quality of my work based off how many people reply to it.

>>17885460
Ur mate sounds like me

>>17884071
Literary critics are mostly imbecile ideologues that merely use books to promote their belief system, or are brainlets that cannot into philosophy. You should come to your own conclusion without listening to any of them

>>17885954
Cope

>>17885290
Being worried that people think you have a small dick is a dicklet mindset regardless of your size

>>17885307
How?

>>17885971
Are you studying for a degree in literature?

This is translation of somethig I wrote


I gaze upon lips
fleshy and sinuous,
teeth whetted and honed,
flawless,
I think how the mouth is
sole instrument of connexion
with
the other.
Supple downy flesh
screening and masking
weapons of death.

It is a snare.
Our one true first
connexion
with the world is through
violence,
self-preservation:
Biting and gnawing and ripping.
But time has bestowed upon you
a soft sheath of velvet,
concealing
32 blades:

Like to an elegant red carpet
laid out
before
a warm dim damp
grotto
occupied
by a savage beast.
Tempting lure
prelude to
an agonizing death.

>>17885977
Not currently. But I think it's funny when random anons think they're more knowledgeable or insightful than most critics. Get over yourself.

>>17886011
Most critics are fucking retarded, maybe there's a pair that are good. Mention good critics and the definition of literature each of one has, and we'll see how good they are

>>17885307
Well of Loneliness

>>17885460
Tell him to go for a hike or something, if you're close enough it should be understood. But he probably would think you want to shove stuff up your ass in private.

Do you believe in curses? Ever since reading No Longer Human in a park in Yoyogi two Novembers ago my life has unfolded just as that of its protagonist. Before then we shared very few similarities, but almost the exact day I returned to my home country my life began unravelling in a fashion very similar to Oba.

The world is scary and cold place. I run away from it by staying neet otherwise i'd be eaten alive.

Taking chances is overrated. People talk about always taking risks so you won't wonder what might have been, but I've found the opposite is true. I constantly am reminded of my failures and know any attempt to get what I want would only end in me embarrassing myself. My therapist wants me to be more proactive and talk to women more, but I get humiliated almost every time I put myself out there.

>>17887002
What’s wrong with /lit/? Why are the general threads so obsessive being in the front page or being made early?

What’s wrong with /lit/? Why are the general threads so obsessive being in the front page or being made early?

>>17887002
>I get humiliated almost every time I put myself out there.
in what way?

>>17887016
We've a resident sperger who thinks we have the stain of anime upon us and who has graciously offered to sacrifice threads for us until we stop coming to 4chan. Makes a change from Guénon.

Spiritual death- the death of hope and ambition- cannot be cured by medication or therapy.
The only cure rests in finding inspiration.

But, beware the *search* for inspiration- many souls get lost in pursuit, increasingly detached from reality and spirituality, their greed consuming them...

>>17887016
>>17887187
You should just make threads with anime and put in spoilers that it's to keep the schizo off them. You'd get more people who can write.

>>17887187
>>17887216
Well, someone tell him to stop. He's been outed already but pretends otherwise.

Old /wg/ thread in which an anon calls him out
>>17887122

schizo defends himself
>>17887131

anons not believing it
>>17887140
>>17887159

New /wg/ thread in which he denies it again
>>17887191

>>17887257
He's a schizo. If telling them to stop believing schizo shit worked, psychiatrists would be out of a job.

covid passport seems like a neat idea but it divides people into two groups and no in betweens. you cant be healthy and refuse to take vaccination before getting labeled as an schizo antivaxer. Also its a money making scheme.

>>17884027
When you guys are depressed can you still read? Whenever I feel really down I just can't read. Or sometimes I get so anxious I can't read as well. How do you guys deal with this?

>>17887472
just stop being depressed and anxious

>>17887472
I can't read anything too dense, so I usually try to read fun, easy stuff like Le Carre and Greene.

people who are talented AND motivated AND unimpeded by mental illness won the genetic lottery and they don't even realize it. It sickens me

Writing something in order to remember it easier by reviewing it impresses that thing deeper into one's memory by virtue of the act of writing in itself.

Dreaming within a dream impresses both dreams deeper into one's memory.

Oneiric verbal, and wakeful verbal, layering, constitute the instruction, and the construction, of one's ontological layers.

I've been thinking tonight about all the very clear, pointed opportunities I've had to have sex. There are a few that I know were there very clearly. I turned them all down, because I am a volcel on account of my Catholic faith.

As you might imagine, I am thinking of them tonight because I can't help but wonder if I wound up making the right choices. Some of them would have been very casual, meaningless fucks, with girls I was clearly not going to maintain a long-term relationship with. But not all of them were that way. There was one girlfriend I had, a very beautiful girl, who repeatedly pressured me to be intimate with her, and my refusal to do so almost certainly contributed to our breaking up. I do wind up sometimes regretting not giving her what she wanted. I felt so strongly for her that if we had stayed together I probably would have eventually asked her to marry me. If I had just given her my dick, like she very clearly wanted, would it have happened?

But then there is another part of me that tells me there are more precious things than physical pleasure, and that if I had violated this tenet of my faith I would not have been able to live with myself afterwards. That whatever I would have gotten from having sex in that moment would not have been worth what I would have lost, in my heart. I've sinned numerous times over the years, including sexually, but I at least have not broken THIS command of my religion, and I can't help but derive some satisfaction from that.

But maybe it's all just cope on my part, on the other other hand.

>>17887472
Walk or excercise. If I could I would've went for a swim. That's my favourite when I'm in a rut.

I don't care about their reality anymore

>>17887804
I think I might start going on runs again. I live near the beach so I can run during the night as well.

My skin has been so bad for the past month. It sucks because it had been good for like 6 months beforehand and there hasn't been any changes in my diet etc. so I'm struggling to get it under control. It's bad enough on its own but the pimples I'm getting are literally painful. It's so demoralizing when you take genuine care for your skin and broader health and they just keep appearing.

Coming here regularly is a sign that's something's missing in your life. You try to fill it with /lit/ so it's probably to do with social life and people to talk to. A healthy lifestyle automatically makes you visit /lit/ infrequently. Just being here frequently is enough proof that you're supposed to be fixing something in your life but you're stalling.

>>17888049
>I live near the beach so I can run during the night as well.
and I might*

>>17888052
true, i run away from experiencing life.

Yesterday I couldn't sleep and I sent 10 letters on Slowly. I probably won't respond back if they reply.

When I wake up, I'm a scared washcloth. In the evening, I'm a courageous knight. Why is that?

Not an exactly original thought, but I miss the internet of 10+ years ago. There used to be so much more to explore and everything felt intriguing - now everything is so bland. Without a doubt part of that is just age and nostalgia, but its also obviously literally true.

>>17888176
Because in the evening you can fantasise you'll do all the work without having to actually do it

>>17888179
Even normies are catching on to it. Why do you think tiktok got so popular? They were getting tired of instagram. But I have a hunch that the internet space is imploding on itself.

>>17888269
>Why do you think tiktok got so popular?
Because zoomers are retarded? They were on snapchat before and before that on Vine and they'll go to whatever new viral app will give them likes and views.

>>17888269
I don't really get what that observation has to do with my post?

>Get job at 15, making my own money
>Was initially a saver, liked the security
>Agree to help out with household finances (obviously can only contribute a token amount)
>Parents compulsive spenders, always lived somewhat beyond their means
>They'd get paid and just blow it on like a $300 vase that would end up in storage when tastes shifted, go eating out, stuff like that
>See they're out of money but still want to eat out, there's a great sale on jeans and can't miss that, we need the new coffee machine, etc
>Notice I have money
>Guilt trip me over 'hoarding' money while they're suffering (have to eat in tonight!)
>Realise I'm better off just spending my money as soon as I get it so I at least enjoy part of it
>Can't really buy things they'd notice so I either have to hide my consumption or buy food and stuff like that
>Today, even years after moving out, still can't feel comfortable having savings, need to blow it as soon as i get it or I feel I'm going to lose it

So the cycle continues. Don't really talk to my parents much, if they found out I make more than they think I do they'll guilt me into "helping them out". And no, they don't need it, not even close.

I'd say that in highly intelligent modern people, religiosity correlates with a sense of aesthetics.
Such thing can't really be proved with a study, but there might be something to it, right?

>>17887643
Not just genetic though..
>>17888052
Yes, but it's comfy on here

>>17884597
Is it really? The trailers made it out to seem like a Harley Quinn type of "I'm a fucking psychopath xd" series (if I remember correctly).

Anyone else very uncomfortable in masculine social settings? Male, never had many male friends. Hearing a blokey bunch of guys always fills me with revulsion.

There is only one truth. One truth that always without exception applies. OP is a faggot.

>>17888378
That's just pleb social setting, not "masculine".

perhaps tonight i'll die in my sleep

I thought I would work on socializing more.
Spending too much time alone at the moment, my thoughts are killing me from within.

Life is a little better than it was a few years ago.
Since then I quit porn for good after I had very intense post nut clarity moment because I watched something disgusting and felt so embarrassed I couldn't live with myself.

I started exercising regularly, focused on my studies, got into the university I wanted, got back into religion.
Good things started happening since then, but I'm still so lonely I could cry. After years of solitude I don't think I can connect with people my age, they feels so distant and the social restrictions aren't helping.

Life is better but it's still not good.

>>17888551
>Life is better but it's still not good.

this is all anyone can hope for, really

I'm sometimes thankful that immortal gods, the type depicted in the various pantheons, aren't real. I feel like I'm dodging some great feeling of inferiority.

I Am In A Lot Of Debt

Calm yourself, and wipe those tears from your children's eyes, and soothe them with soft words, inventing a tale to delude then, piteous though such fraud be.
(...)
The bravest man is he who relies ever on his hopes, but despair is the mark of a coward.

>>17888321
Set it up so some money automatically go to index funds when you get your paycheck. Don't even give yourself the option to spend them.

>>17884027
I just remembered a time when I found a mouse nibbling on something on the sidewalk. It was just sitting there, nibbling. Only a foot away. This mouse was fearless. It could not give a shit that I was there. A meter maid walked up, saw the mouse and stopped to watch it too. We both just stood there, watching this little mouse eating.

And then I remembered other times when there was a mouse somewhere. There's always just this little half-circle of strangers silently standing there, watching the mouse. Sometimes, you don't even see the mouse yourself. You just know there's one there because you just see a bunch of people frozen in a little group.

It's adorable and hilarious.

>>17888359
yea it turned out ot be a lot more nuanced than that imo at least. it's kind of hackey the way it gives the internal thoughts of the characters but it does also make it interesting to follow the disconnect that people often walk around with

I'll start taking care of my life next month for sure... you theres a lockdown going and me being neet doesnt help me... I dont know what i should pursue either... i'll start thinking about it soon and next month fresh start... this time for sure..

>>17887472
If I'm feeling really down, yeah, I can't read.

If it's just the regular sadness I feel pretty much every moment then I can still read, and I like it because it takes my mind off of it.

>>17884027
I watched this recording of two black girls carjacking an uber driver the other day. They then sped off with him hanging off the side of the car with the door open. As they sped away the open door smashed against a pole and violently slammed into the Pakistani immigrant, surely crushing some of his bones. They then tried to make a turn at the end of the street without slowing down and flipped the car, sending the guy flying into the wall and killing him. They then tried to escape the now overturned car as he lay crumpled on the floor. Luckily there were several National Guard troops nearby and they detained the girls because the witness recording it ran over and told them they stole the car. "My phone in dere!" One of the girls yelled, completely ignoring the man she just killed who lied in a pile of broken bones right next to her.

What really bothers me about this is the guy recording the video. How hard would it have been to open the door of the car and manhandle these 90 pound girls? They could have easily been pulled out of the car and tossed away. Instead his mindless instinct was to record the video passively. What about the modern world compels people to record experience happening before them , as though they were detached from it, rather than to take action and prevent the disaster which they are seeking to recored?

>>17889081
I mean I would have done the same thing, a video like that would get tons of views.

Why did my life have no meaning from the start? What is it all worth? Not much more than being thrown into the dirt, where it belongs. I said 'I don't give a shit about this life' and he laughed. We have tried everything and it has all been shit and filth. We have never really lived. I want to do something that is unheard of, that will horrify people. Maybe then things will change. That's teenage talk. When you're messed up, you never get out of these thoughts. But you are grown up enough not to do anything. It would only cause misery.

>>17888052
Undeniably yeah. But all my efforts to become normal have been in vain. There's been a girl that has shown interest in me lately, but I can't let her into my life because it's just so empty now if anyone were to see it they'd be stunned. "You live like THAT?". I spend all day on 4chan and youtube, but less on hobbyist things and more on low-effort shitposts that just hold your attention. Ironically 4chan and youtube can be "good for you" but it depends on how you use them, if you're there to have a proactive discussion about something you're actively interested in then it's really cool, but if you're just looking at meme threads all day your life will be very empty. But that's almost my only option now. I try to stay caught up with shit other people care about, like I'm playing The Elder Scrolls now, and it's kinda good, but I don't feel the same enthusiasm they do for it. I just need to have something to keep my attention, because nothing is really interesting to me nowadays and I can't spend all day browsing memes.

I come here to remember how unattractive it is to complain. No offense.

>>17889524
I'm not here to be attractive

In 7-10 years I'm going to kill a lot of people and permanently change my country. New laws will be passed because of my actions and my name and work will be remembered and feared for generations.

Is it possible to write good novels if you got a late start? Many authors published their first work later in life but not many started reading voraciously later in life. Is there any hope of you didn’t discover you love reading until you were say, 25?

>>17889491
The majority of people spend their lives working and drinking. You’re only here for a finite amount of time and it’s entirely up to you to have made that time worth having been here. Talk to the girl. Ask her out.

>>17885211
Nice painting.

I use my knowledge as a substitute for life experience.

>>17884027
I have an estranged lover. I literally went mad for her and we were passionate with each other and she wanted to make it serious. I fled. There were a number of reasons and one of which is a cultural difference. Another is religious. We'll have fun with each other but I believe we are at an age where the banal stuff matter in a relationship. It was hardly a noble gesture as I tend to flee when relationships get serious; probably some anxiety about my social perception which is pathetic. God, I miss her dearly.

basically done what needs doing today

I'm stuck in a common loop I think. I seldom feel really at home with the people around me. I do sometimes, often enough to keep me going, but mostly I feel alienated and not at ease, even with the people I call my friends. I don't think I really care about them the way I'm supposed to. Maybe I am so guarded I don't let them in, and that hinders the maintenance of real bonds. But I still hold on to them because I still have a guttural fear of loneliness, and I haven't met anyone I'd rather hang with.

>>17888052
Yup. Fully agree.
I am currently coming to terms that I am hating the academic environment I am in (PhD) and the people I am working with. None of my friends and family can comprehend this despair and so I go to /lit/ for my dose of cynicism. I am deeply disappointed how uninteresting and timid my colleagues are, even at the highest of the institutions, where you are supposedly interacting with legends and the elite. I am not sure where to go from there.

>>17889761
>how uninteresting and timid my colleagues are
In what way? Normie hobbies?

>>17889768
Basic consumerists hobbies (marvel, NBA, whatever is on the NYT best seller list), sports rarely extends beyond safe "hiking", "running", and "rock climbing", very normal opinions on politics and social issues, the academic drive is to basically be spoonfed by whatever their advisor is saying and to not question it..., in general little conviction about any topic. For social activities you play board games and maybe go to a pub until 11PM and then everyone goes home.

This is a STEM subject though, so maybe the humanities are different. I was just hoping for more unconventional characters. I have met more of those in institutions that were not "elite", so maybe that is a reason why I had different expectations.

>>17888052
it's a semi-functional surrogate for a social life. this complements my semi-functional social life into a livable whole. I suspect that if things were right, I'd have much closer relationships with the people around me. that kind of isn't happening though, see>>17889750

>>17889819
I had a couple meetings with academic people when i was studying stem. Either quite autistic or complete normies. Truly controversial characters rarely stay there.

>>17888051
same here, I had horrible acne then I took acctuane for some 3 months and now about 6 months after I last took acctutane my horrible acne is coming back. Well, it was nice to have normal skin while it lasted...

>>17889819
To be more concise. I have yet to see someone strive for "greatness" in any kind. A lot of my peers and the faculty are just coasting and it is a little sad to see. Obviously, there is a substantial section of students who exploit the PhD as a means to immigrate and do not care about the rest, but it does not lead to a particular inspiring environment.
Not that I am not doing well for myself and am writing this out of anger. I actually have a very good track record in terms of academic achievements, but I do not know what for.

>>17889863
Yeah you have the autists who lock themselves away in their ivory tower and produce completely meaningless work. Or, indeed, normie power seekers who just play the game. Considering that these are the types of people that produce modern "science" I have lost a great deal of faith in it.

>>17889728
She's already confessed to me, but it's an online thing and there's no realistic way we could meet up so it's weird. But I still want to live up to the kind of person she probably thinks I am. I think I have cool interests but the amount of time I can actually engage with them and have fun is low, it's a bummer. If I could take a -10 IQ just to be healthier/more normal I would do it 100%

>>17888052
I don't know you guys but here the lockdown is still going and I can't see any of my friends for days. Also I should be stydying right now and I keep distracting myself, I don't have the will to study anymore

>>17889914
Again, none of this matters. You’re here for a very short time and it’s entirely up to you to make that time worth it. If you ask me, other people are one of the few things which might be able to do that and it’s rarely the things we did do that we regret. We regret the things we didn’t do the most. Find a way is what I say.

>>17889888
What field, out of curiosity?

>>17888052
I agree but I'm not gonna fix those things so talking about it is pointless.

>>17890031
Computer Science, which is already a pretty normie discipline. I tried to escape that dreariness by joining cross-field grad communities in the hope to encounter some diverse perspectives, but it has been fairly similar across the board. I guess as part of the coastal elite you are expected to conform to a set of norms and mores.

i'm actually bored today like there are endless things to do from time wasting entertainment to productive work but i'm not in the mood for any of it.

>>17890182
When I get in those moods, I just sit somewhere peaceful and let my mind run free. Distractions drain your energy much the same as work does, where doing nothing recharges you.

I think about this picture a lot.

>>17890363
Don't let the bastards get you down

>>17889819
Fuck you hiking is based

I have for many years believed the pronounciation of decadent to be /dJ'-keJ-dənt/, but it's actually /ˈdek.ə.dənt/. What a mistake. I'm glad and also sad I don't converse in English with anyone.

>>17890416

I can't decide if I should read a history book or if I should read Poetic edda

1-5 Edda
6-0 History book

>>17889819
>consumerist hobbies
>"running"

running is consumerist now? what because you need to wear shoes for it? i don't think the problem is with your colleagues.

>>17890475
It's obviously a separate idea. Marvel and so on are the "consumerist hobbies." Running is bad because it's a "safe sport," whatever that means. I don't know why this guy thinks academics are going to be into base jumping or whatever

>>17884027
the old testament/tanakh is just the intellectual elite of judea shouting at the israelites to not act like romans or other neighbouring kingdoms

>>17890669
I got the impression of more actual competitive sports, like playing tennis or being in a community basketball league. "Safe" also more in the sense of being an answer that will very rarely lead to being prodded about it and undoing the facade through ignorant answers if you don't actually do those activities.

>>17890756
>if you don't actually do those activities
Do people really waste their own time pretending to do stuff they don't actually do? I'm sure it happens but the assumption that it's a widespread thing just seems like a projection to me

>>17890363
It's hard to get mad at a pic clearly designed to stir people up. Still, there's some small kernel of truth to it. Recently I sat and watched a youtube documentary about the e-celeb Jake Paul, who you may not know about but someone around you probably does. Instead of writing a summary I'll link it since everyone here should watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amv5Y6YNqF8
This guy is so completely opposite to myself it's hilarious. He's such a 'normie' that our lives don't resemble each other in any way. Unquestionably he's happier than I am, but I also think guys like him have their own struggles that we can't understand because we're just not acquainted with the world like that. So now and then I like to try and imagine things from their perspective, where a lot of the stuff I worry about is obviously a non-issue to them and they couldn't worry about it if they tried because it literally doesn't matter. Everyone nowadays has zero guilt for being a nerd or having obscure interests, which is good I guess, but if you're a huge nerd it's good to try and balance it out and take the good parts of the normalfag and avoiding the rest. It's a yin and yang deal, basically

>>17890363
>I think about this picture a lot.
Why? It's a competely-braindead take on society's periphery.

I don't give a shit, kiss my ass

>>17890846
A guy who has more or less monetized his life isn't a "normie" by any definition

Girlfriend legitimately believes that money will solve all her problems, and wouldn't have it otherwise. What the fuck do i do to show just how wrong she is ?

>>17891447
Depending on what her problems are, it might

>>17891447
Hiking/backpacking trip

>>17891447
I mean, a lot of problems can be solved with money. Not all of them, but a considerable number can.

dude, ussr way ahead on memetic operations with this one

>>17891089
Yeah kinda. In truth he's a bit weird, like most really successful/famous people. They usually have to sacrifice personal relationships somewhere along the line, and a lot of people never get famous specifically because they're unwilling to do that. When a person is willing to sacrifice everything for money or fame, they're actually a bit weird. I guess I've been thinking at it from a more basic perspective, like how the kids who watch his content must view him instead of what he actually is, as some guy who just loves girls and guns and pranks and having fun and shit. That's how I was thinking of him basically. People like that do exist (just look at the people around him) but he is a different case, true.

>dude life is an absurd but dont kill yourself and keep coping

I wish I were a musician who died young.

>>17891693
I would never tell you that. Whether life is worth bearing or not is something that only you could decide for yourself. It’s not like I’ve been able to come any closer to concluding it is, at least, not for most people.

I have until April 4th to decide whether I’ll be renewing my lease for a full year beginning in August or not. I really didn’t want to continue living here or working here but I’ve decided to renew my lease for the simple fact that to not do so would require me to, at least temporarily, move in with my parents. I’ve resolved that I don’t want to do that and I want to distance myself from my family as much as possible so that when I die, it’s not as painful for them.

>>17891730
>I want to distance myself from my family as much as possible so that when I die, it’s not as painful for them
What a strange way of thinking

That I can't wait for the coming collapse of the judeo-capitalist system.
I'm more afraid of what will come next.

>>17891730
>my son who killed himself? he distanced himself from us in the last months. i do feel better that he cut all the contact otherwise i'd be sad about his suicide.

>>17891730
>>17891730
I don’t really know how else to say this other than to say that I used to be very close with some of my family and that’s been a huge burden on me. As time has gone on, my feelings of alienation and wanting to take my life has steadily increased to the point where I think about it all day, every day. It’s not that life feels unbearable and I need to escape from it although there is a tinge of that. It’s more like my feelings of apathy and alienation have just increased to a point where I don’t think they can be overcome. I don’t have many friends to leave behind and the few I do have, along with my coworkers and such, I’m sure, would be able to move on with relative ease. I only had one serious romantic partner in my life and we haven’t spoken in years. I think she suspected it might’ve always ended this way for me. Regardless, I’m certain she would be able to move on as well if it even had any impact on her. My hangup at this point is my mother and my 2 brothers. My parents divorced when I was young snd I didn’t see my father for most of my life. I do see him now but I was no one to him for so long that I don’t think this could change things. As for my mother, she struggles with depression herself I think. I’ve never gotten the sense that I was important to her but she maintains I am and I worry if that’s the case. As for my brothers, I actually have 3. 1 of them, I’m not particularly close with. Of the other 2, one of them is young. He’s going to be entering college soon. Sometimes I feel like he looks up to me. Or at least, he feels some sort of affinity with me that I can’t feel with anyone. I worry what kind of scars I’ll leave him with. The other is my twin brother. We spent so long not getting along. We mostly get along now. As for him, I think he’s the only person who’s ever really understood me so I hope he’s be able to at least accept the frame of mind necessary to find consolation. The way I see it, the only possible solution here is to gradually increase our time apart. They’re already asking me about Easter. I won’t go. I have no choice but to put distance between us for their sake.

>>17891785
You’re closer than you think. Out of sight, out of mind they say. I know it better than anyone.

>>17891793
Go see your family, it will be good for you. You feel alienated and you keep alienating yourself.

>>17891811
I saw family just a few weeks ago. This isn’t a simple matter of being alone and depressed because you haven’t seen people. I’ve felt this way for a long time.

>>17891824
What's the issue with going to Easter then?

>>17891832
I want to distance myself from them as much as possible for their sake. It’s easier to lose someone who used to be someone to you than someone who is someone to you, I think.

>>17891848
I don't know you, but to be honest this strikes me as a very selfish decision that you are choosing to frame this way in order to assuage your guilt.

>>17890363
i don´t mind about normies getting a gf, i will try to do it myself once the quarantine ends

>>17891870
Of course it’s selfish. If my only concern was the impact on other people, I would never even consider such a thing.

writers blcok

Posting on /lit/ will never help me save Evropa

UGH! I am so disappointed by what I write that it is much easier to write nothing at all and just imagine! I'm NGMI lads.

>>17892471
its called developing your craft
>>17891848
you distancing yourself from them will never change who you are to them. you could be a disgraced amputated prostitute living in micronesia, but that cannot change the fact that you will always be their family. it will not change how they feel about it. they lost a family member who they've known from the very beginning and have spent many years, a lot of time, and a lot of energy with. the memories will never die. only you will.

I want to fuck a woman in her pussy.

>>17892463
Evropa as in you are a czechbro or as in something I don't know is named Evropa?

For some reason I instinctively distrust men who take really hot showers. I guess it makes me think they're weak and feminine.

>>17892471
that's where editing comes in. for writing something whole cloth is very uncomfortable and bad, but improving something comes easy and natural.

>>17892946
>>17892557

My problem as it stands is this: I know I am a good writer on a technical level, as I have won a number of awards for my writing. But at the moment I feel no passion for the actual stories I am writing. Or I feel inspired to write a story for a single day, then lose all interest in that story. I can force myself to write if I really need to, but it feels pointless if it ends up in the form of a story I don't care anything about. I've got to figure out what I really want to write about, first and foremost. The other thing I need to do is remind myself that all writing is good practice even if the story never ends up anywhere.

>>17893062
Sounds like good problems to have though. My problem is that I just have no idea what to put on paper. I know what kind (genre) of story I want to write but as far as the actual story and it’s details, I just get lost and wind my brain up in knots until I get overwhelmed. The only thing that feels “right” is copying my favorite stories almost verbatim, which I obviously cannot do. Otherwise, I really struggle to just get out a plot.

When you say “what I really want to write about”, what do you mean exactly?

>>17888052
True I used to be on here for 4 hours a day every day when I was in high school. Now I have friends, and a cute girlfriend at the UNI I wanted to get into. Life is somewhat fulfilling and I rarely come here as often but recently something Is wrong and I can’t pinpoint it... so I’ve been coming here a little more, even though I have no idea what’s wrong or what I’m looking for to fix it

I need someone to talk to, so I am posting here. I am coming off a coke fueled Friday night and feelings of paranoia are consuming my mind. I believe I am coming to the realization that I am a narcissist. I feel trapped in my own mind and I fear that I am not in control of using others as supply. I want so bad to connect with people and experience love, but I also can't love myself because my ego is so fragile. I don't know what to do. I am legitimately considering suicide, I don't think there is a cure.

I feel like my girlfriend hates me and is using me, but maybe she's a narcissist too. I don't know what reality is right now. My heart randomly starts racing. I think my brother is slightly sociopathic too. He is cheating on his girlfriend emotionally with a girl from work who makes him feel connected with his reckless side. His current gf is a recovering alcoholic so the exposure he is putting her under is absolutely reckless. But sometimes people are reckless it doesn't mean they are a sociopath. But also he just is weird. He gives me bad vibes and recently ive been distancing myself from being the closest person to him. Im afraid he is going to hurt himself. I don't know what to do I feel like crying and I don't know what to do at all. Im scared.

>>17893186
Anon, its not to say your problems aren't real and that they don't exist, but it sounds like you've put yourself through the ringer and that your body and mind need some rest. Try to take your mind off things for the next little bit; have a long shower, chuck on something easy to watch, lay in bed, drink some tea, eat some food etc. You'll be able to process all these emotions a lot better when you're less strung out. I empathise with your fears of narcissism and it probably is something worth reflecting upon, but that doesn't need to be right now.

>>17893217
You're right I appreciate you dude. I don't want to be alone right now though. I feel scared and confused and lonely. I just want to talk about this with someone who has no connection to my life. But you're right, solutions aren't found when ruminating.

>>17893186
>>17893252
Also, lately I am feeling so anxious on the fact that we can feel how others are feeling I feel like people are influencing my thoughts by merely being around me and they can feel my thoughts as I think them. Like because I am thinking something, they end up thinking that same something too. I don't want life to be like this. I cannot handle it. I need to give up control and let things happen though. Just accept.

>>17893217
And if I am a narcissist how can I ever relate to others? I'm a toxic person by nature. I am almost by definition evil. My drives themselves are toxic.

>>17884027
Interminable sorrow.

I am in a hell of my own making.

I do not understand why I let it get to this point, why didn't I do something earlier? Why do I always make the same mistakes? Am I truly so arrogant that everytime I think that there won't be consequences, that I'll get away with it, even when the past has repeatedly shown that won't happen?

>>17892926
You wouldn't trust me then because I always have the heater cranked to the max, even in summer.

How people can take cold showers is beyond me.

>>17888052
>regular visitor to twitch, 4chan, youtube, etc
>browse for multiple hours a day
>start talking to a girl
>all visitation to these websites comes to a halt, 5% of my "normal browsing" maybe
>we stop talking and hanging out
>back to 4chan and watching twitch/youtube

probably the saddest thing about her leaving

>>17885398
>"Better to have loved and lost," the old saying goes. Is that really true?
Not even a little bit. The three people that I've actually loved and then lost in my life, have left me more broken than I was before them. The experience compounds onto the ones before it, and I think I've finally lost the last shred of hope that I will ever find a true, lasting love.

>>17886549
I kind of do. When I was younger I performed a simple love spell, and created a charm. The object of the spell became enamored with me and we were in love in under a week. The relationship fell apart after a while, and in spectacular fashion. Since then it feels like I'm cursed to find love repeatedly, and have it go sour and hurt me very deeply while the other parties typically walk away with a smile, mocking me and doing things just because they know it will hurt me even further. Years after performing that spell I read about how even "white magick" always comes at a price, and that even well meaning spells/charms/rituals can leave you with worse results than you would have had, had you just not done it. I worry deeply and often that I've cursed myself to a life of hurt and loneliness because I wanted to take the easy route to attract someone rather than just talking to them and letting things go as they should.

>tfw just figured out that the chinese room is 100% correct and illustrates the conceptual impoverishment of functionalist and pragmatist thought
no im not going to write why

https://www.twitch.tv/prayersfromabigail

My favorite books are English translations from authors who wrote in a language I can’t read and I don’t know what to make of that. I love them so much but now I feel like I’m not actually reading them.

>>17887720
>Writing something in order to remember it easier by reviewing it impresses that thing deeper into one's memory by virtue of the act of writing in itself
I learned pretty early on in life that if I write something down I can just go ahead and throw away the note, because I'll remember it regardless.

Soon there'll be actual nuns who are vtubers.

Is this the future of Christianity? Imagine nuns and priests being vtubers.
https://www.twitch.tv/prayersfromabigail

>>17889749
Just tell Vickie that you want to talk to me and have her contact me about it. I'll be right there just like I was before Christmas. I miss you too.

>>17893933

>>17893933
"Post-irony" is the gayest thing ever invented and has no business being attached to Christianity.

It's almost 6AM, I haven't slept at all and I have to survive until 7PM without falling asleep.

I don't know if I'll make it.

>>17894305
Coffee is your friend

>>17894319
Already had a pretty big cup, so far I'm fairly awake, but I'm expecting a crash in a few hours.

the horror... the horror...

>finish lesser known book
>search the archive to see what juicy things people say and shit talking the characters
>hardly any results

>>17894361
Well go on anon, what was the book?

>>17884027
I wish I was born in Russia sometimes. That way I would have known Russian, which looks so cool.

>But anon, you can study Russian
But I have to study Mandarin instead, it is more useful nd

>>17894479
I meant to delete that last part, but oh well.

>Learned that almost 40% of the unemployed in my country have a bachelor's degree
>Physics major, seeing the hard numbers on how dire the unemployment situation really is
>Sort of knew this before, but thought I'd do what I enjoyed and figured things would work out
>Currently in final year at a degree mill school
>School just makes you learn a bunch of problem solving techniques to be vomiting over the test paper. Don't worry about how it works.
>Feel like I've made an enormous mistake. 4 years of stagnation to end up with no prospects and a heap of debt

Never go to university

>>17894479
Bro just study russian, who gives a fuck about mandarin.

Having to graduate college and enter the world of professional wage slavery is the single biggest detriment to a writer that I could possibly think of. Imagine Dostoevsky having to perform financial analysis and sit in a strategy meeting pretending to care about his work.

>>17894535
gone are the days where you could make a (albeit shitty) living by selling pieces to magazines and newspapers

>>17894535
It's interesting that a lot of famoust past authors lived off of inheritance.

>>17894534
>who gives a fuck about mandarin.
Given that China is poised to become the world's hegemon, the world I guess.

Just realized azure is pronounced ajur and not ah-zurr and Pale Fire is ruined for me now

>>17894535
Kafka turned it into something worthwhile at least, but then I would never choose to be Kafka.

>>17884284
I know this feeling very well

Wonder what the April Fools joke will be.

>>17894576
no, i say ah-zurr. it's a perfectly acceptable pronunciation.

I had a minor manic episode last night where I plotted my formal goodbye to a friend group. I planned on writing a letter about how disgusting and miserable I found them. I meant to go into detail and bring to light our wild differences and do it all with colorful demonstrations through metaphor. I wanted to cement my eccentricity. Anyway I woke up this morning and didn't even give it a thought. It may have been fun to do but I don't live in a novel.

>youtube algorithm gives me videos regarding performing better in job interviews
>never get any interviews
kek, what a joke

>>17884027
Honestly I haven't been surprised by something since long time ago. My family despises me for wanting to go out and met my friends. I want to kill myself. It was the same before the pandemic. It is hopeless.

>>17895298
Why do they despise you for that?

>>17894735
We're all going to be forced to post with a Butterfly trip.

I don't know what I'm doing.

>>17895344
You're typing.

>>17895308
They think I am not being prudent by putting my aunt at risk, before the pandemic the narrative is that it was dangerous outside. My father likes to guilt-trip me, he never looks at me at the eye, just gets really frustrated and stays silent, I have to guess how he feels to address him. My only friends from uni live 100 miles away. I don't drive. I have to take a buss otherwise take a ride. I don't have the courage to just say fuck it and go on my own. I wish I didn't have any desires and was content being a neet indoors. He also doesn't like that I open the windows. He also gets upset when I go out for a long walk, saying I should dress properly and take care of not scaring the neighboors. I want to kill myself.

>>17894572
>Given that China is poised to become the world's hegemon, the world I guess.

China is about to get into a major war with the United States that neither of them will survive intact. The future is not a glide path to Chinese dominance. I'm not even sure modern China survives the first half of this century intact.

>>17895375
Honestly, if I were you I'd work on getting that courage to move out, cause that sounds like your father might be mentally ill.

>>17895393
Yeah I think the same. I wish it could have been different. I also feel bad for him, this guilt I mention. His wife died when I was one year old. I think his only friends if he has are his co-workers. He gets from work, sits on the couches, and watches the news and just drifts away. It is soul crushing. I hope I don't end like that. I have to focus on healing my own illnesses and traumas and perhaps be surprised for once. I don't deserve this.

>>17895383
>The future is not a glide path to Chinese dominance.

True

>China is about to get into a major war with the United States

Absolutely untrue. The US cannot in the slightest afford a war with China. People always point to the Pentagon budgets as some sort of indication of the size of the US military but they spend the vast majority of that money on maintaining an aging fleet that is becoming increasingly obsolete. I don't remember the exact numbers but it costs China something like five $200,000 missiles to neutralize an aircraft carrier that costs $12 billion to build and maintain. The United States knows this which is why they *actually* want to pull out of the Middle East because they DEFINITELY can't afford to be in both places at once. China also doesn't want a war because despite the flaws of the US military they'd still be able to fuck them up beyond repair. Now of course none of this doesn't mean that a war is impossible, especially not if either side does something stupid - which in history is never out of the question, but it's something that both sides are going to try to avoid as much as fucking possible.

>>17884027
>Write what's on your mind
I want to write an incestuous story, but I feel many people will think I'm fetishizing incest when I'm not.

>>17895477
Write under a nome de plume

>>17884027
During one of my infrequent but regularly scheduled liquor + music binges, I thought of Lucretius's characterization of the gods, but since I couldn't remember it verbatim and can't adequately paraphrase it any mood, and wasn't willing to dig the book out just then, I looked up a translation on the shortest possible notice, one that's in the Gutenberg project. In the process I ran across this, that while awkward, preserves his meaning well enough, which is almost how he imagines the gods from their own perspective.
'Tis sweet, when, down the mighty main, the winds
Roll up its waste of waters, from the land
To watch another's labouring anguish far,
Not that we joyously delight that man
Should thus be smitten, but because 'tis sweet
To mark what evils we ourselves be spared;
'Tis sweet, again, to view the mighty strife
Of armies embattled yonder o'er the plains,
Ourselves no sharers in the peril; but naught
There is more goodly than to hold the high
Serene plateaus, well fortressed by the wise

"Discretion is the better part of valor", in Falstaff's terms, though given his circumstance in the play, one would have to credit Lucretius with sense that makes wit superflous--or rather is the substance of it before lost to speech--a temperament evasive because it doesn't need you for the company, but for something more like diverting spectacle--though it would be suspect to keep nasty pets, especially if close, but that's what zoos & such are for

>>17888344
No one wants to discuss this?

>>17895637
Im too dumb to discuss it but you could elaborate on why do you think that?

>>17895646
Well, I study applied math and know plenty of STEM people. Many of my HS friends on the other hand went for art degrees, philosophy and humanities, thanks to which I also know plenty people from this spectrum. All of the people I'm thinking of now are imo highly intelligent, but the ones from STEM are really vastly atheistic.. as in religiosity there is a huge exception and they're more into making fun of religion.
People that are, say, more into literature, art and culture are not very likely to make fun of religion (at least not derogatory fun) and are quite often religious.
And then there's my own experience, being the autistic atheist most of my life and finding my way towards religion through books.. it's as if living like an animal making money for food, developing relationships and having some fun in the way was too prosaic. Religion for me brings something high above me to the table and gives more meaning to life. And it's largely a thing of aesthetic value, or the way we narrate our lives.

Just gonna throw this in: I think that a well defined difference between people and animals or robots may be the possibility to change the world around us by our believes. A sincerely religious person, I think, lives in a different world than an atheist (this obviously not being the only facet of religion). Intellect or creativity can be found or expected in the future from robots and animals, respectively, but faith is what makes us human.
Every human has a narrative and I'm not letting mine be dull.

>>17895741
>Religion for me brings something high above me to the table and gives more meaning to life.
That sounds like a quite pragmatic reason.

>>17884027
I really fucking hate myself

>>17895781
I'm still rational a lot, yes, but I didn't really write my path to faith in the post. Just basically wanted to say that it was an aesthetics-driven experience (without describing it) and that it's a part of why I think religiosity correlates with the feel for aesthetic value (in intelligent people, others are perhaps more likely to just keep the status quo of their family or convert to religion as a way to cope with their problems)

>>17884027
I'm 28 and at some point I'll be 29 and then 30 and so on. Fuck you. Everyone of you.
Fuck yourselves, your ideas, your life and your studies. I'm based now.

>>17895952
>I'm 28 and at some point I'll be 29 and then 30 and so on.

It doesn't have to be this way

>>17894523
>>School just makes you learn a bunch of problem solving techniques to be vomiting over the test paper. Don't worry about how it works.
Probably not a very good school then.
Anyway, if you worry about not getting employed, come here to the Czech Republic. Everyone can get employed here, educated or not.. the wages are pretty terrible for US standards though.

>>17895839
why?

>>17884027
I'm a pig charmer, lie in filth getting off.

>>17895973
ikr

I regret my college and career choice so fucking much.

I would say that for the past 18 months I've been able to get a glimpse at something of a normal life (pandemic withstanding) and it's come crashing down just this past few weeks. I'm so exhausted and I feel like I need 6 months to recharge. I plan to just stay in my room, read, write and hit the gym for a while. I'm not a normie at heart and I'll always be fucked up to a degree. I guess that's something to just accept.

Nobody talks about how the hardest part of being a corporate wage slave isn’t the work or the time you have to commit. It’s the fact that for at least 8 hours per day, 5 days per week you have to adopt this persona and don the corporate mask in pretending to be this friendly, bubbly little striver who just cares oh so much about the work and the organization. If you’re someone like me who is generally apathetic and disinterested, who finds refuge in reading books, it turns out that doing so is nearly impossible and to the extent it is possible, it’s absolute hell. It’s not a time or work prison. It’s a personality prison.

>>17896401
I understand you. I had to quit a job because i couldnt stand this fake behavior anymore and it wasnt like the job was hard.

>>17896604
What did you do then? I want to quit so badly but I don’t feel like I have any alternatives. I’m 28 already. Ffs I should just off myself.

realtalk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtV-Uc9pMzc

>>17895383
>China is about to get into a major war with the United States that neither of them will survive intact.
Hopefully not, I am rather fond of life here in America.

>>17896638
I was an IT specialist so i had to fake my behavior.

>>17896799
I always figured IT was a job where you can just be yourself.

>>17896928
lol no, i was tech support. perhaps, top programmers can show full powerlevel.

I’m really interested in the books of Osamu Dazai but I can’t read Japanese. Am I missing too much by reading English translations or can I still get the gist of his books?

>>17897008
Isn’t programming a relatively solitary job though? Like what I do now I’m speaking to people like half of my day everyday.

>>17897021
>Isn’t programming a relatively solitary job though?
i guess u never heard of bullshit management fads like agile scrum where everyone has to stand around and waste the morning talking about shit they did yesterday and what they will do today, also it sounds like 80% of places have a slack channel which is basically irc but really expensive

>>17897021
>>17897047
I kinda prefer it this way. Programming all by your self all day long sounds isolating.

i think that now i might have truly had enough

>>17897081
better than getting constantly interrupted to hold the hand of coworkers who can't use google

>>17897047
It’s the same for me in finance. The amount of “tools” that we have which serve no other purpose than to allow my manager to keep tabs on me and micromanage 24/7 is astounding. I feel like 60% or more of my job is giving people status updates on things I haven’t been able to do because I’ve been in a meeting with them for 2 hours. I hate this job and actually this life so much. I don’t know why I wake up every morning.

26 is too old to start writing and ever be great at it. No one has been able to dispute this.

Wracked with anxiety that I won't get a job after I graduate. I've spent too long at uni as it is and don't feel my life will properly start until I have my own money and a career to work towards. I'm just spinning my wheels at the moment, studying is drudgery, and I couldn't bear having to go back to school or to admit this was all a waste of time.

I'm 26 this year.

I don't know how I'll ever go back to the office or my old self, really.

Twilight year of my 20's. This was supposed to be who I was meant to be. Cast aside the distractions of the internet and politics and whatever else and focus on my career. God, whose children could ever respect their father for being a product manager?

COVID has turned my mornings of corporate productivity into something else entirely. I'm a digital renaissance man, jumping from /lit/ to /biz/ to /out/ to /trv/. Am I doing anything at all? Things will have to change again and I'm tired.

>>17897447
It honestly doesn’t matter, especially not anymore. There’s plenty of things you could be worrying about being too old to do at 26 but graduating University is not one of them.

I want to move to the country of my favorite authors but being American, I know I’ll never be able to actually escape the country of my birth. Even if I were to move there, become a successful author, I’ll always be “the American” and whatever I do with my life will always been American.

>>17897520
>too old to do at 26

like?

>>17897529
There are worse things. You could be French, for instance.

I would make a post of my own, but the last ~50 posts in this thread already cover all my thoughts and anxieties. No point in being unoriginal.

>>17897530
Start reading, writing and become great at it.

This pandemic and lockdown has taken everything from me. It's taken my job and income, my friends, my independence and now me and my gf just broke up. I will never forgive those retarded fucking chinks for this shit.

>>17897918
mwahahah

>>17897918
>I will never forgive those retarded fucking chinks for this shit.
I feel for you anon, but out of all the things to blame and get angry at, why would you not spend that energy and effort into building community and helping people during a crisis?

>>17897918
Things are looking up anon. Vaccines are coming out, and it seems like outside of masks things will be back to normal.

>>17897933
>why would you not spend that energy and effort into building community and helping people during a crisis?
I literally can only leave my house to shop and get neetbux. None of this shit would have happened if people just ate cooked fucking animals that don't carry diseases.
>>17897936
I'm in the EU, mightn't get back to normal for us until October depending on what we're told.

>>17884758
how long did you usually go before breaking your fast?

>>17898046
Not that anon, but I never fasted longer than 3 days. That's around the point where you feel awesome but look like absolute shit.

>Wake up 2 hours than usual to attend a meeting
>Feel absolutely great at a time I would normally feel groggy
Bros... was "more sleep is better" a lie?

>>17897975
Where in the EU, if may ask?

>>17898046
Anywhere from 16 to 72 hours. One time I did 5 days though.

>>17898106
Potato land

My single biggest regret is not starting to write while I was a college student. Hell, I wish I never graduated and just stayed a perpetual college student. It’s so much easier when you’re young and creative and your biggest responsibilities are showing up to lectures. Here I am about to be 27 years old in a month trying to write for the first time like a fucking loser when every single author I like to read started in college at like 20-24.

I have been talking to this girl every day for several weeks, we have been infatuated with each other and literally even said as much, hit it off extremely well, all the same values and interests, the exact same type for each other physically, just everything has been good, but now our conversations have been slowing down more and more in the past few days and I feel like shit. I am too cowardly to even know what to do about it. I know I must sound like such a retarded teenaged faggot but I never felt like this for anyone before and I don't want to make any wrong moves.

>>17898362
Ask her out asap.

>>17898362
A rich full life will have relatively many near misses like this, some of which are tragic, some of which make you think years later about the nature of time and choice and what might have happened, but you shouldn't dwell on any individual one

Also as a man you will gradually learn to realize how much of a lying snake your cock is and how it's the norm, not the exception, for even great and intelligent men to be led through the nose by their dick and to lay themselves at the feet of some dime a dozen gash that hit them in the hormones at the right time

Often the best way to learn this valuable life lesson is when a scenario just like this, a cute little Disney romance story that you build up in your mind and dive deeper and deeper into, is suddenly and radically juxtaposed with a horrific truth, for example when you find out she's been fucking other guys the entire time, or met another guy who is actually a piece of shit but who excites her more, and instantly dropped you as a prospect, or she's just been rebounding from her ex-boyfriend or emotionally cheating on a current boyfriend for validation. The disparity between the illusion you were moments ago inhabiting and the reality of what women are actually capable of instantly teaches you something you can never forget. It instantly teaches you that the illusion of love for a woman has to be vetted, confirmed by something other than gut feeling and cock lust, which are no proof of anything, and that your cock is perfectly capable of generating massive, long-running illusions and wrapping your common sense up in them, until not a sliver of light from the outside can peek through from external reality.

This truth can't be learned except through experience. It has to be seared into your brain by a sudden rupture in an illusion. For some guys such a rupture comes after years of marriage and permanently burns them. Other guys are lucky and see it at a relative distance. Some guys are stupid as fuck and need to learn the same lesson again and again.

Use this situation as an opportunity to experiment with some of these ideas and monitor the processes of your own mind as they run about and do their thing. Watch your mind react and recoil when you even consider the possibility that this woman is a duplicitous whore. But why can't you even consider the possibility? Why do you feel anger for the messenger when the mere suggestion of such a thing is raised? That's your dick deceiving you.

Sometimes in life the illusion matches the reality and a woman really is swooning over and acting like a little lovestruck faggot around. But that's rare. And to find the real deal, to strike real gold, you will statistically need to pass through a few fakes, learn to weed out the fool's gold.

Is /lit/ #teamfloyd or #teamchauvin? Where should I put my $2500? I'm leaning acquittal with a side bet of a hung jury. Vegas odds have Floyd the -180 favorite, but 9 out of 15 jurors are white, that's got to mean something! With White you alright! $3500 on Chauvin and let it ride! It's only $4000 after all.

>>17898450
The supreme court's jurisprudence on police immunity and good faith are absolutely and astoundingly pro police. There are so many hoops the prosecution has to jump through to even get to the point where they can proceed on material factual grounds besides the issue of drugs/reasonable doubt that, while I hope the dude rots in jail, he's going to be acquitted and a new waive of protests are going to happen.

>>17898450
Chauvin did nothing wrong that wasn't already baked into police protocol. We need reform and a demilitarization of the police but the reason they're militarized in the first place is that blacks are a third world population hanging like a millstone around the neck of what used to be a first world country. The maintenance of this farce, of show trials like this where nobody mentions the structural factors, and you're not even allowed to criticize the black community in an effort to help them anymore, are the epicenter of modern anarchotyranny.

>>17897918
huh, didnt realize it was the chinks that had control over your local goverment and forced them into responding to in a no way serious threat with some of the most retarded measures possible.

better go out and murder a few to really show em

>>17896401
>at least 8 hours per day, 5 days per week you have to adopt this persona and don the corporate mask in pretending to be this friendly, bubbly little striver who just cares oh so much about the work and the organization

this is really it, this is my major fucking problem with the corporate life, early today I had a meeting with my team lead and hes asking me things like
>"What do you really want to better yourself at this next fiscal year?"
>"What kind of training do you feel you're lacking to be better"?

And shit like that, like bro, I don't give a single flying fuck about "growing" or learning about this shit industry and product. I'm here to collect my paycheck and fuck off, please stop talking to me like I care.

But I can't say that, I have to come up with some stupid bullshit about how I want to "experience more of the company" or how much I really like one particular product. One of my friends that works there is also really obsessed with leveling up and a promotion, like they already pay me hella decent where I'm at, and if more money means more responsibility you can keep it. Being at the lowest rung where no one really asks much of me and I can jerk off for 7 hrs of the 8 hr day is perfect. Pic related really speaks to me, I have no intention of trying to get promoted, or to be a better worker.

>>17898518
retard

>>17898128
Ireland? I thought that there shit worked pretty good. Anyway I understand you, here in the EU the chink memevirus JUSTED us, while your neighbours and the USA seem to be improving costantly

>>17885398
Going through something similar. It's hard trying to forget her and move on, when she's what I dream about, and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I can forget about her for a little bit as I make breakfast, do some work. And then all of a sudden I'm bombarded with the memory of her smile as I pull away from a kiss, her soft whisper as I kiss her forehead, the smell of her shampoo. And all I can think about is wanting to die, since nothing I ever find again will release me from this hell. I go on dating apps, and just swipe mindlessly, knowing that no one will be like I was with her, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. I pray every night before I go to sleep she some how finds away to love me again, and to come back. But I know its fruitless. I'm nearly crying writing this now, I havn't in a month. The worst part is knowing she doesn't even care. That's when the loneliness really sets in.

I hate women.

>>17898616
so it was the chinks that took control over my local goverment and forced the lockdown on me? or wasnt it?

or was it people who look like me but I want to blame the chinks for their bad decisions because thats easier then accepting the people in power in my own part of the world are incompetent?

>>17898679
People are less unique than you might think - you can find another woman, no problem, unless you are in some impossibly rural area. Just get back to it and you will find the right one eventually.

>>17898676
Yeah, we've had the longest lockdown in Europe. We can't travel more than 5k from out houses unless it's essential and literally nothing is open. The EU has been fucking shameful in this vaccine rollout.

>>17898697
>so it was the chinks that took control over my local goverment and forced the lockdown on me? or wasnt it?
Fuck off CCP you retards couldn't eat like normal people and now for the second time in in under 20 years a fucking disease has come from those medieval tier markets. We wouldn't have to be locked down or get vaccines if there was no virus you insufferable faggot

I either have a dignified crisis or a retarded waste of time. Nothing to do right now but just sit in confusion.

>>17898714
I'm near a fairly large urban center, I'll keep at it anon. I know what I need to do is move on, it just sucks being in the middle.

I'm just hoping when I do find someone new I dont ruin things because I'm hung up on someone else

>>17898723
we also wouldnt have to be locked down and get vaccines if this virus was taking as seriously as it was supposed to initially by your own local goverment. once again, did the chinks do that?

youre a fucking idiot blaming your problems on someone that many steps away from its impact on you. of course its only the chinks fault since they started it, but anyone on the cause and effect chain between them and you is absolved of all crimes. grow up dumbass

>>17898444
>TL;DR all women are disgusting lying whores until they prove otherwise

>>17898723
>Fuck off CCP you retards couldn't eat like normal people and now for the second time in in under 20 years a fucking disease has come from those medieval tier markets.
The latest WHO report says the market isn't origin because there was a case before that not connected to it.

Every time I open up to someone on the internet or in real life, they try to give me advice and I end up feeling even more compelled to end my life than I did before.

>>17898444
checking your long and misogynistic but still kind post, king

If you want to avoid the pain, you should believe in God.

>>17898503
>criticize the black community in an effort to help them anymore
I agree completely. Specific guidance/directions.

>>17884674
the thing is that I was certainly not an ascetic when it happened, I was just very curious. Reading ascetics of the tradition they clearly know what I've been through though, they have a whole body of knowledge about it whereas I am just some guy. And they all think asceticism is appropriate. In their terms, I experienced union. Others before me have experienced union and then "come back", and some have experienced union and stayed. I came back and had no idea what to do. Now I wonder if my goal should be experiencing union again, or... what? it is a desperate confusion in front of God.

at the same time, and this is truly bizarre, in spite of it all I am having a hard time letting go of the carcass that is the life of the flesh. I can not understand how this can be, given what I know. I am wondering if I somehow missed my shot, but in every moment I was trying to come closer to God.

Asceticism was not necessary the first time. Some things have changed. Am I supposed to go back and rebuild the raft? Am I across? I am so tired bros.

>>17898967
what is good about this whole thing with african americans is that it really shows the damage you can do to a population. it never goes away.

isn't this whole gamestop thing gonna help tank the economy?

Is anyone else really unhappy with, like, ya know, the way you are and the things you do..like fundamentally?

>>17899160
I'm fine with me. It's a large portion of the population that I have a problem with the things they do, and how they are.

>>17899160
Yes, i'd like to be the opposite of me very much as in life loving, aesthetic, courageous, passionate and a bit naive.

Scary and numbing, it's wearing me down just trying to get ahold of it. So much knowledge to process, ideals to tackle and lessons that apply to life. Any idea that you feel is trustworthy is required to be analyzed, and there's so many. How do you even start? How do you even create your own outlook on life, and even though we are nothing but shallow, how do you actually go to the deep ends of thought?