/lit/ - Literature

>To revive my old figure of speech, that in the marriage to beget the grand United Artwork the poet's work is the masculine principle, and music the feminine, I might compare the outcome of this penetration of the Euryanthe text by Weber's genius with the fruit of the union of a "Tschandaha" with a "Brahminess"; for according to Hindu belief and experience a Brahmin might beget from a Tschandala woman a quite goodly child, though not one fitted for the rank of Brahmin, whereas the offspring of a Tschandala male from the superbly truth-bearing womb of a Brahmin female revealed the outcast type in plainest, and consequently in most revolting imprint. Moreover in the conception of this unlucky "Euryanthe," you must remember, the poet-father was a lady, the music in the fullest sense a Man! When Goethe thought that Rossini could have written quite passable music for his "Helena," it was the Brahmin casting his eye on a buxom Tschandala maiden; only in this case it is scarcely to be supposed that the Tschandala girl would have stood the test.—

>>17916311
Facestanding

My life is gonna get so much worse in the future, I should try to just enjoy these few remaining moments of peace.

>>17916379
Maybe try being productive and enjoying your freedom in life?

I suggest you read Schiller.

why do you keep making these prematurely?

Ate asian food and stomach hurt bad for all morning :(
thats what I get for not eating mayo and tuna I guess.. .

>>17916763
People are tired at looking at your anime furry vore fetish OP pics.

I am illiterate, not because I can't read or because I'm "post-literate", but because the text, meaning, goes over my head in any medium. When I'm disciplined and anxious enough I can remember something, but that's about it, I'm incapable of producing thoughts about it. Even Youtube videos are nothing to me. Music is just background noise, I don't give a shit about what you have to say. I just want to stay in my head. I don't care. Let me be.

>>17916814
that's not me and no they're not

I have come to realise now that if you have not been born into a wealthy or connected family and desire to make it in this world then you have to work incredibly hard and pour all your energy into pursuing your goals. Even then you are not necessarily guaranteed anything, but without this commitment you are destined to fail. Perhaps for some fortune will fall into their laps automatically, but for the rest of us we will need to hustle and struggle and work for it.

>tfw phimosis

>>17916886
How bad is it anon? I thought I had phimosis until I actually started having sex and then it fixed itself. Many of my uncut brothers have recounted a similar experience. It's embarrassing really, I was a bit terrified of sex for a long time because I worried my foreskin would fuck it up for me, but it turns out it was fine.

>>17916311
Capitalism is a term that is often overused—this is owed to its generality and abstractness. As a target of political, social attack, the term capitalism represents too abstract of a target. In some sense, it’s theoretical usage means it is divorced from the current historical socio-economic epoche, and therefore the real issues that arise out of the current economic order. It’s generality means it fails to capture the unique economic conditions and historical issues that characterize today’s world—namely of globalized capital, technological innovations such as the internet and artificial intelligence, the acceleration of automation, data/copyright law and the gig economy. Sure, these can and are linked to and perpetuated by a capitalist system, but what kind of capitalist system? Each of these developments add elements and complexity that cannot be simply encompassed by the term capitalism. Capitalism can take many forms, and the current neoliberal iteration should be distinguished as such. That is why it can be detrimental to overuse the word, especially as a practical term of political, social and economic change.
Each of the issues, and many more, are linked in such a way that there is no single answer or narrative that can be given. There is a zone of irreducibility. Narratives depend on a moral or takeway, but in our modern society, one cannot trace everything back to capital. There is no singular root cause of current power structures, to think so is overly reductionist—all things may lead back to capital but capital itself leads and connects back to all things. The current social phenomena of the current order cannot be viewed simply as the result of capitalism, for the capitalist system has no interiority, no essence that exists “in-it-of-itself” and thus capitalism must be viewed in relation to other thematic issues. Capitalism has never and will never exist in pure form, as will socialism never; it always exists in a way which relates to other social, political, and even geographical phenomena. It is always changing and is dynamic.

>>17916919
I don't have phimosis I just like reposting that pic

>>17916938
The overuse of the word has confused the public as to what the term really means. Instead of pointing to the theoretical failures of a society built on capitalism, we must point to the very real failures of contemporary society—it is not often necessary to even use the term “capitalism” at all in reference to the failures and contradictions of the neoliberal ideology, its failures can be plainly evident by looking at the present state of affairs. This is not to say that the term capitalism has no use, but its overuse in rhetoric is damaging to any new movement truly hoping to change the state of affairs for the better. In many American’s minds capitalism is defined by its counterpart, “socialism.” Ironically, while Marx popularized the use of the term “capitalism” as a pejorative term, the propaganda of the cold war, the terror of Stalinisim and the real historical failure of the Soviet Union has made the term “capitalism” unassailable in much of the public eye. As the term “socialism” came to represent the historical oppression of the Soviet Union the terms “oppression”, “authoritarianism,” “collectivism”, and “idealistic” were associated with “socialism”. And thus as in any binary opposition, so too did “capitalism,” come to mean “freedom”, “democracy”, “individualism,” and “realistic.” This is why, at least in America, attacking “capitalism” is a fruitless endeavor, the term has become too loaded politically and socially. To escape such ideological baggage, the target must be the current economic order as it presents itself.

comments appreciated

>>17916886
>tfw phimosis
>the only time I've ever had a girlfriend( and probably the one and only time I will ever have one) I only had sex with condoms because I was scared that if I didn't it would damage my peepee
I basically have never had sex. Also, why is it so common on 4chan? It honestly stunts you sexually so much. If I had a normal foreskin I would probably pursue sex with no inhibitions throughout my later teens and early twenties. I think it's one of the reasons I'm so sexually timid.

>>17916311
Is not being able to express or verbalize your thoughts a sign of autism? I feel like I understand things pretty well in my head but as soon as I try to speak out loud or write it down I just stutter and just cannot put it into words. At best I can come close to conveying what I think but I always fall short and end up feeling inadequate. Maybe I'm just dumb.

>>17916967
holy fuck, I have it too, and i feel the exact same way.

Fuck. I'm physically addicted to caffeine.

>>17917011
communicating with words is like trying to paint a picture with your dick. it's possible, and some people have actually done it, but it's not easy and it's not going to look quite the same as what you had in mind

at this point I've kind of just given up on life, the only thing that drives me anymore is spite and comfort

>>17917011
Expressing yourself is a skill like anything else. You need time and dedication to be able to properly articulate yourself. Speak the speech I pray you. You should practice communicating and study some rhetoric.

sorry i lied again

Are Twitch streamers and YouTubers and VTubers modern performance artists?

>>17917133
yes

>>17917011
Yes, but that doesn’t mean that you have autism if you struggle to communicate. I struggled with communication for most of my life. I still feel like I struggle a lot but people tell me I’m well-spoken. I think I just have a better vocabulary than they do.

i hate visiting my mom, she's ok, but she drains my energy and i always feeling cringey after being there.

>>17917011
it just means you're inarticulate

>>17917133
>VTubers
Vtubers are entirely different than the other two.

I was thinking of a tree in a solitary place, where no one was present to see it.

I hate capitalists as much as I hate communists, both sides of the same coin.

If I don't do the little things I don't want to to they become big problems over time. Inversely, minor annoyances when taken care of cumulatively lead to a better life out of proportion with their relative insignificance. It's easy to forget that life consists of nothing but small details. If you let neglectfully one single pair of underwear on the floor, the floodgates have been opened for everything else to fall apart.

Everything that happens has to bridge the gap between small quantum distances. People tend to think in terms of wholes, overall patterns, but everything comes together brick by brick. You can't get to the whole without the part. Clean your room, wash your dick, etc.

>>17917242
and what coin is that.

Dropping out of college and I've never felt better. Once the money runs out though I may kill myself because I'll never be able to find a job lol

>>17917215
I don’t see how.

I just read the sermon chapter in Portrait of the Artist and all my adolescent catholic fears of going to hell washed back over me. Why am I so unclean, what happened.

What's the april fools joke gonna be?

>>17917317
Maybe they'll let us be gay with /fit/ again?

>>17916311
Da Joos

>>17916967
>>17917013

See: >>17916919
If you haven't had much sex then it might not be as bad as you currently think. I actually think that phimosis is the 'normal' state for most uncut guys, but if you have sex without a condom you'll realise that it retracts fine and the reason it won't retract when you're masturbating is mostly psychological (i.e. You're scared of tearing it). Of course real bad cases of phimosis do exist, but I think a lot of people overblow it. I live in a country where most men are uncircumcised and I've spoken to all my friends and they almost all say the same thing: they thought they had phimosis until they started having sex. I blame it on poor sex education and existing sex ed focusing on cut peens.

>>17916919
I used to have it as a teenager. I fixed it over time by retracting daily as far as possible.

>>17917356
dude, forget sex, didn't you guys stretch it out to wash it? imagine the smell.

Words change the composition of matter. Given an opaque bottle filled with milk but being told it's something else (like juice, water, etc.), a person often finds the milk to taste disgusting when otherwise it'd taste fine.

>>17916311
I got a scholarship from an institution but then that same institution didn't approve my course application. I have been consumed by impotent rage all day.

>>17917345
orenj joos bestest joos

>>17917366
In my case I could retract it while soft, just not when hard. So I was still able to clean it.

Ironically though, if you're having trouble retracting while soft it may be because it's unclean under there - which becomes a bit of a Catch 22. Gotta retract it to clean it, but can't retract it because it's unclean. To solve this you just need to tear the bandaid off and retract it anyway. Take a hot bath and let your dick soak for a while, it'll help it retract less painfully and also make cleaning the smega much easier. If its too painful to retract in one go, do it over several weeks and try to retract a little further each time. Unless your shit is really really fucked, this should work.

This shit is gross and TMI but I'm dedicated to talking about it because I NEVER was taught how to look after my uncut cock and it really fucked me up for a while.

>>17917391
Based smeghead

>>17917391
my issue is that the little connector under my head is super short, so i can pull back when flaccid no problem, but when I'm erect and I pull my skin down my dickhead gets pulled downwards with the rest of my foreskin.

it's sad to see how much the quality of these threads have gone down

>>17916311
It is my opinion that the only people who can properly write alternate histories where fascist movements emerge victorious are left wingers. Likewise, the only people who can write communist alternate histories properly are right wingers.

>>17917449
>who are Orwell and Hamsun

>>17917415
You just have a relatively tight frenulum. I did as well. like >>17917391 said you should spend time in the bath stretching it. I was initially scared to stretch it because if you try to search up any information regarding phimosis online it's all centred towards guys with extreme phimosis (in essence phimosis) and they repeatedly warn you not to stretch it because it can tear the foreskin and will create scars that inhibit it from stretching. Whereas I think most guys in this thread have mild phimosis and you could even go so far as to say it isn't phimosis just a tight foreskin or frenulum. If you can pull it back while flaccid you can fix your problem in a week, that might seem like an exaggeration, but it really only took me a week to be able to pull my foreskin all the way back while erect without pain. Just get in the bath and pull it back as far as you can while hard. But kinda do it in sets. Stretch it how you would stretch any other part of your body.

>>17917391
He deleted this post but I’ve had the same problem too. The head of my dick was super clogged up with smegma and if took months of daily baths to clean it out.

Individuals who are thankful for, or who attribute their favourable circumstances to, struggle/suffering, or personal errors, or mundane obstacles/obstructions, claiming that they cannot see themselves being in their position without them, are/do so due to their lack of vision for what is optimal, beside their conflating life with the world, and/or suffering with overcoming, that this implies.

The bad/erroneous/pessimal act/condition/circumstance remains as such, regardless of whether anything was learned from it; the fact that it can be overcome is a testament to the (potential/capability of) soul, not to anything intrinsic(ally good) in such an act/condition/circumstance, regardless of whether it may be conducive to the realization of one's potential.

>>17917462
I just reported you for being a canadian

>>17917317
Rakes?

>>17917462
can you like use less slashes

>>17917465
>>17917470
Finally an end to the leaf menace

>>17917475
There are at least 40 Canadians on this board. Be careful out there, eh?

>>17917462
>...the fact that it can be overcome is a testament to [(the potential/capability of) the soul]...

>>17917480
>eh?
reported

>>17917488
>only a leaf would be nice enough to announce his report
Reported

>>17917497
>Reported
Reported

worst april fool's joke in a while desu

>>17917528
>Canadian detected
Get in the pile

What an underwhelming April fool's choice.

>>17917547
Wait til the bonfire

>>17917551
I really hope there is more because this is pathetic.

>>17917562
You gonna sulk all day if there's nothing else? Was winning a dinosaur not enough for you?

>>17917528
reported, cya beaver

>>17916311
Is it a sound view to hold as a Christian that God has, in an individual sense by and large, left you to your own devices for life in terms of aid save for personal talents or gifts while still seeking to be a righteous person? What does it mean for someone to deserve faith in the first place?

>>17917528
kys nuckold

>>17917528
kys nuckold

The easiest way to get (you)s on this website is to argue against racism, sexism, nationalism, IQ, or biological essentialism. It's like posting flypaper. Easiest trolling I've ever done.

What does it feel to love and be loved by the same person? Im nearing 30 and i've felt that so might as well ask others to get an idea.

I made the fatal mistake of scrolling through old text messages with my ex. NEVER DO THAT. You can see the whole trajectory of decline as it reverse until it reaches that moment when you can almost pinpoint where it went wrong and there was a subtle change in the air. And then beyond that point is only bittersweet pain, the times when everything was good and you were happy and wanted to be with each other. It cuts you right down the middle. Guts you.

>>17917666
saying trans people deserve to be treated fairly is another easy one

>17917666
>17917736
>dude le epic trolling ftw

I've always had some minor issues with mental health, but I think the last year and this one will leave me fucked up completely. My life isn't even that bad, far from it, there's just these things that leave me in a paranoid state and they just keep pilling up.

Feeling like ending it but my uncle's business relies upon entirely on me.
Dumb retard should have had children.

>>17917684
>What does it feel to love and be loved by the same person?
I never knew true happiness until I experienced it. Completely altered my worldview.
Mid-20s now and when I experienced it.

>>17916311
>Canadians fed very slowly into Wood Chippers Made In China, for the amusement of Lesotho

>>17918230
Damn, now i wish i didnt ask about it

So the april fools is that anyone who presses the rake gets sent to nu-/b/?

Despite my goals to get a better built body, despite my goals to have a good job and be able to provide for a family, I have a deep seated desire to be an effeminate man. A house husband. Twinkish in physique.
I'm not gay I still love women but my heart desires gender roles to be reversed.
I have desired this since I was a young boy. In my childhood daydreams I did not rescue a damsel in distress, rather I was rescued by a warrior princess. I will clarify I am not a complete fag, I didn't imagine myself as some meek prince but rather a lesser warrior in comparison to my heorine. This was always the case for my daydreams. If I dreamt of being a bounty hunter in the wild west, I'd also dream of a more capable female outlaw seducing me. I somewhat understand why some woman have a thing for "bad boys" as a result of my own desires. If I dreamt of a comfy life in a cabin, I did not imagine myself as some tough mountain man, as that role was delegated to my imaginery wife, I was the homemaker in these dreams. If I was a pirate/Sailor/astronaut in a space opera she'd be my captain.
The only daydreams in which I had a fictional wife in which she was not my superior is ones in which I was a genius strategist. In these she was my personal guard, far outclassing me in physical prowess.
The girls I'd gain crushes on in both real life and fiction would always be because they had a skill in which they bested me at. I admired their capabilities. If they did sports I'd admire that. If they were intelligent I'd always try to figure out what topics they knew more about than me. If they worked out(for most of my life I had the Twink physique I miss) I'd be attracted to their muscles(especially shoulders and their arm in general). Taller women were always hot as fuck. Although feminine acts were cute to me all a girl had to do to give me butterflies was to act masculine. My first gf, a petite Asian girl, was much shorter and weaker than me, but she was usually very assertive, not in a bossy nor bitch way, and everytime she would act assertively with confidence I wish I could hug her. Now the relationship ended up not working out for various reasons, communication, lack of mutual interest, and inability to actually go on dates as school began to eat up more time so we agreed to just break it off peacefully rather than wait till the relationship became a burden. But my point is I am very much attracted to masculine traits within a women, even if it's as simple as intelligence.
Why was I born this way. I know it's not something I got raised to be as these memories go far back and my father always raised me to be a man, and my mother was just a basic housewife. It's not even primarily sexual although that was a part of it. It is primarily romantic. I still try to act as a man should in my life. It's just relationships I have a deep rooted desire to be effeminate.

>>17917460
thanks anon

>>17918318
Atleast you know what you want anon.

the old friend simulators, redlettermedia, cumtown, they don't make me laugh anymore. i watch and listen out of a duty.

My gf went on different meds a few months ago and it changed her so much over a few months to the point she broke up with me. Don't even know how I'm supposed to deal with shit like this. I know it was the meds as well because she told me what they did to her and I noticed changes myself.

We are not going to make it as a species are we?

>>17918417
Jesus Christ anon, they really are friend simulators. Why have I consumed so much of them. I miss my real friends, but at this point the simulacra of the friend simulators seems more real than reality. Gay dad jokes are hyper real. I feel so pathetic.

>>17918417
I use books are friend simulators instead

>>17918523
What do I read after infinite jest. All my tennis friends are dead now and I feel empty inside.

Met this cute chick in a party. But her voice was incredibly deep and raspy. Turns out she smokes and smokes up like crazy.
Just how much you have to smoke and from what age you have to start to end up having your vocal cords almost fucked?

>>17918689
Its a shame it comes from such an unhealthy habit.
Deep, raspy/husky voices on women are sexy as fuck.

>>17918689
smoking is one of the most seductive things a woman can do

My feelings holds no true value to whom I want to be. Happiness is as true as the knowing of an existing god, and in the search of him, my melancholia shines from the vast mountain of as it stands on. Slowly lifting its foot and to crush us with its forces out of our own excistence. If we were out to vanish, true happiness would reach its peak of the mountain, we would co-exist with he we would call god, since we - we would no longer exist and sadness would no longer be. We would be one, one with nothingness. One with god.

>>17918689
raspy voices can be sexy.

Our ancestors pretty much went through life with a map, while we are given no direction beyond “hurr get a job”. Hey Catholicfags, I haven’t read Augustine but is this what he meant by the city of man? Or is it that the city of man had some kind of logic that broke down before we landed up in this nihilistic hellscape?

You can't get away with anything these days. That serves as both the means for carrying out justice and breeding wild witch hunts. If your face is caught on camera doing anything the internet mob dislikes, they can and will track you down. They will find out who you are, where you live and work. And they will seek to terminate you. This is great when it succeeds in hunting down scumbags and wrongdoers committing crimes and affronts to basic decency, but it also leads to false persecutions and mass hysteria. The result is that wherever there is a phone capable of recording video, which is everywhere, people know to watch themselves lest they attract the ire of the swarm who will needle them full of holes like hornets, each contributing a tiny bit of toxin to the poison that will kill you. Social media kills.

>>17916311
masturbation isn’t so bad. between you and me, i’ve had a lot of fun masturbating, especially lately. it’s not that i’ve found really good porn. it’s that i’ve decided to fuck, make love to, and say nice things to myself. take my whole body on a ride. to fuck myself. funny how we associate masturbation with something shameful. i could buy into shame. goodness knows the world can readily give you something to be ashamed of. but maybe shame is the result of disgust. i’ve heard that before. it makes sense. if you’re going to be disgusted by your emotional and/or physical body, then you will feel guilty about it when you fuck yourself. when you see yourself in the raw, as long as you have some reason to be disgusted, you will be ashamed.

>>17917277
Never find a job? My degree kept me from getting jobs. Just keep looking.

>>17918431
My girl would change over the course of a few days because f epilepsy meds man... change in electrical activity in the brain can really change the way they think.

>>17917547
>>17917562
>showing this much 3dcpd
Hide your leaf level >>>/qb/
>>17917666
Get thee behind me, devil!

>>17919188
I've actually never felt the post-fap shame a lot of people talk about, the closest thing I've felt to that is when I'm fapping to something that is really fucked up and I realize just how fucked up it is, like that loli geiger counter doujin for example. When that happens I just stop fapping to that and look for something more soft, or I just stop fapping at all.

I think I might have rona

>>17918524
FUCKING ANSWER ME

>>17919761
idk Trebizon? Tennis is pretty gay

>>17919188
i dont know. masturbation is just a physiological need for me, so sometimes i just say "lets get it over with" and do a quickie.

I can't tell if it is better to favor strict adherence to truth, or to favor social cohesion. To be truly religious means the latter, I think.

Ship zop beep biwoap viltyk gujop cunyk qerut. Aop.
What do you think that means, huh.

>>17919904
Jazz age obviously www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7ZrWOGIbIE

>>17918417
>redlettermedia

Same. I appreciate for what they offer as a channel, I do not know any other group that is as genuine.
But it is clear that they themselves are burnt out on the content they produce.

'What's on your mind?' is a great question. While your writing the answer, you can get stuck in a recursive loop. 'What's on your mind?' returns itself, because it is what is on your mind. But that's not how we think. Simpler things intrude, like the fact that my brother does things that annoy me, little pangs of jealousy interrupt from nowhere, etc. As should seem obvious to most, but is nevertheless endlessly interesting to me, there are no cooly detached rational faculties. Moods descend on your time-constrained inner world and wreak all sorts of havoc. We are all too physical, almost wholly, despite the fundamental counterpoint of thinking, experiencing, consciousness.

>>17919947
Some of us are just thinking about rhubarb, anon

>>17919955
Exactly.

>>17919141
How to escape? I guess the only way is to live in rural America.

>>17916311
So much accomplished, but always more to do. It feels good anyways.

Dickens is underrated in this board. Started Bleak House yesterday and it was captivating. I think it is real comfycore. There are other complexes that add to my affinity for Dickens, but nevertheless I think more anons should pick him up.

>>17919970
Beautiful sentiment anon.

>>17916450
what freedom?

>>17919962
Rural America kind of sucks in my experience. The problem is so much of this country has been developed by phony systems and debt. None of it is organic. Admittedly, I live in a relatively small college town out in farm country. The college aspect adds a special flavor of madness but I almost think it would be even worse without the college. The world has changed and the systems we’ve built up in it make rural living in the modern West pretty alienating for the average twenty something. I still have to work a pretty typical corporate-style office job. I live in a too expensive for what it is apartment. I am almost always alone. I can’t go anywhere without a car. Contrary to what city people believe, it’s not like I walk out my front door and I’m in evergreen forests or rolling hills. It’s suburban lawns and cul-de-sacs for miles. Now, maybe if I had the means to really get my own plot away from the cul-de-sacs I’d feel differently but I don’t think I’d find it any less isolating or worthwhile. I’ve spent 25 years of my life in small country towns and I’m making plans to move to a bigger city, if for not other reason than to exist in society again.

boring

My back hurts.

>>17916311
wynona's got herself a big brown beaver and show it to all her friends

Im just sitting doing nothing, putting on imaginary episodes of antiques roadshow which I've never whatchdd where everything is absurd. Like the suit fabric of the presenter is a pattern composed of stylised images.of fried eggs. And the opening sequence is made up of pornography interspersed with nuclear bomb footage. All with antiques roadshow in a quaint serif font , yellow, overlaid. All the details can be found in my head. But surely it can't be good to do nothing like this. Can't be good at all

>>17916311
>vtuber thread

>>17920294
Report them for being Canadian

I made this image to sort out my concerns/what's on my mind, and what I can actually control. The outermost circle contains things I care about but can't affect whatsoever, the medium one things which I have limited control/influence on, and the red circle contains things which I have direct control over. Looking at this, I'm beginning to realize that much of my stress comes from stuff in the outermost circle, while most of the stuff which affects my life is in the two smaller circles. Going forward, I will try to be more concerned over stuff I have actual control over. I'm not saying stuff in the outer circle isn't important, but it is beyond my control and stressing over it does nothing.

How to shed off this unshakeable feeling that would be described basically with the words “It’s over. It’s too late. The ship has sailed and now you’re stuck as you are.”

>>17916873
Next redpill is that many people actually put coherent long term effort into being the biggest fuck ups they can, and want everyone to be as much of a stupid worthless fuck up as them.

>>17917357
Me too

>>17916311
It’s times like these I truly realize how much I love my job. This past week I have worked maybe a combined 4 hours, but I will get paid for 40. It makes me think how of how lucky I am to be in this position, to be able to work from home unsupervised, and get all my work done as quickly as possible and enjoy the rest of my day. It makes me want to work harder and longer so that I keep the job, but that is when I start to hate my job, because what I do is the epitome of money grabbing, uninteresting, and soulless. It’s a vicious cycle, but a necessary one, and I must remember I’ve been doing the bare minimum for over a year now with only positive feedback. I must keep up this tightrope walk if I am to remain sane. It is dangerous and I may be exiled, but the rewards if I succeed are so worth the risk. I’ve already gathered so much, another year and they’ll have truly nothing to threaten me with. I wonder what my boss would think if he knew how I felt about the job, he seems to care about me when I have no love for the company. Maybe I should, perhaps it’s the right thing to do for the place that has given me so much. I really have no reason to dislike it, and perhaps it’s my own cognitive dissonance that I fake unhappiness in order to justify my lack of effort. They have been nothing but good to me frankly, yet I offer no loyalty in return in my true thoughts. Maybe I ought to change my attitude. It’s not the companies fault I find my position soulless, simply a reaction of my current attitude towards life and achievement. Yet I will make no change and continue to offer them the bare minimum. Do companies have rights? Is there a moral way to act towards them? I’ve gone and depressed myself now. It’s easy to say “fuck the company”, but does it deserve it? When as I said I’ve only been treated nicely and given compensation far beyond what I deserve?

This is all too much too early, I’m gonna make some lunch.

>>17916311
Tomie is one of the best villains conceived in fiction.

>>17919979
Is dickens english dostoevsky?

I’ve come to realize that my family is the single biggest source for the dissatisfaction in my own life and also myself. Even the decisions I’ve made which I’m profoundly unhappy with I made, mostly, because of the influence of a family member and the closer I am with them, the more pronounced this is.

>>17920386
>When as I said I’ve only been treated nicely and given compensation far beyond what I deserve
They're buttering you up anon. Fuck em

Family (including some uncles) came over to my house since it's Holy Week and jesus, I never cringed at my family as a teenager but I seriously can't stand them (aside from my mom) now. So noisy and unfunny and always the same stories, I can't fake laughs anymore.

>>17920873
I know this, this is one of those graffitis carved into some minoan rock on crete, right? one of the original pastas?

>>17920873
I’ve really grown to dislike my family, anon. For a long time, I wanted my, at the time, broken family to reconcile, but now that they have. I harbor a lot of resentment and I actually blame them for so many things about my own life which I’m unsatisfied with. I’ve been thinking about killing myself lately so I’ve been trying to distance myself from them, in the off chance they would be hurt when I’m gone but also just because I don’t really think I want much of a relationship with them regardless. Even the ones who, I think, care about me, I think, have been bad for me as a person and my development and I don’t want to be like them or pretend like I do.

I would have loved to have dinner with the girl who is the breath of fresh air in my days tonight. Yesterday she was so gracious, and tomorrow is fast day. I fear the lockdown. I would not like that I saxifrage one replants me in the desert.

I just moved into my dorm and I fucking hate everything already. Dad won't stop annoying the fuck out of me. I don't even have a blanket or a cushion and I can't buy either rn because muh corona. I feel lonely af.
fuck this shit fuck this world fuck my life this isn't how I imagined my first day fuck fuck fuck FUCK

>>17921009
loool chill man
why are you moving into dorms in april?

>>17921009
Are you? >>17912500
Chill faggot, It's to early to hate college. Wait a few years for that.

>>17921009
>I don't even have a blanket or a cushion and I can't buy either rn because muh corona
Where do you live that there aren't any stores open to sell basic stuff like blankets?

Why can't I just catch the fucking virus and just die already?

>>17921023
most freshman start in winter so it's close to impossible to find a decent place at that point. Early bird and all that.
Also uni said that some classes might take place in presence.
>>17921043
I'm not hating college, it hasn't even started yet. I just hate this whole situation. And yes I'm the whiny kaiji fag that's shitting up the wwoym threads
>>17921072
Only grocery stores are open now and they don't sell that stuff. Already checked multiple stores. Those that do are more or less closed - the only option is to order online but it'd most likely arrive on tuesday because nobody works on easter holidays, not even underpaid immigrants. By the time it gets here I already have one sent from my dad. Which means I have to sleep like that until tuesday.

>>17920939
is there anyone among them you can talk to? like more properly, about personal stuff?

I often wonder how the hell some people are able to learn so much and apply things in their lives from what they find from the internet. This applies to both big and small. Maybe it's because I'm so used to going through the internet so passively since I was a kid I never really thought to consider applying the 'knowledge' I got or even wanted to strive to learn something. People would often say to you that you can easily learn shit from the internet, it's all out there one way or another. Both paid and free, depending on where you find it. Even learning a language is free if you go look at the /lang/ threads. Regardless, it feels like there are only some people who actually do something with what they get and others are just moving along with life. And I'm not comfortable for being in the latter category. Maybe I'm just jealous but I know it's my own fault for not being able to do the things I'm interested in. Maybe I'm just frustrated I haven't been able to make use of my time wisely. I'm not trying to prove myself to anyone but myself. I see other people more capable than me in the areas I'm interested in and then I look at myself in the mirror and ask "why the fuck aren't you doing something about it? what are you waiting for?".
I know to make the journey you have to make that first and second and next step, yet I often catch myself from doing it. Why?

>>17921349
I'm going to suggest to you the same books I recommend everyone else, and you are promptly going to ignore it, even though they provide solutions to the things you explicitly talk about.
>how to read a book
>make it stick
>deep work
>atomic habits

>>17921364
I've read deep work and I feel as though that book applies for specific careers only. Not saying it's wrong just that you can't always get yourself in the space to work rigorously without any distractions.
I am reading "how to read a book" right now as a matter of fact. I'll check the other two later. Thank you anon.

>>17921396
Sure thing. I think the application of deep work's tactics in your life isn't necisarily how to apply it to flipping burgers or working spread sheets, but during your downtime when you collect the knowledge you talked about wanting to take advantage of. This time we spend shitposting is the same time we could be reading something fantastical or mind-blowing. When I set aside time to read for pleasure or set aside time to study for fun, I use the principles from that book to do so. Just as I use the principles of all four of those books in one way or another to set myself up procedurally for success no matter the specific topic.

I just want to enjoy life and surroundings.
I cant.
I want to have a meaning.
I dont.
I want to be other person.
I'm not.

>>17921422
Boo fukken hoo

>>17921009
I guarantee that everyone else in your dorm feels just as alienated and confused as you do. This is one of the few times in your life that you'll have the opportunity to socialize on such a level playing field. Take advantage of it before people start grouping up like they're still in high school.

>>17920637
In the sense that he was a great and prolific novelist of the nineteenth century who also has an interest in social issues, yes. But that would also apply to Tolstoy. And there are a few other differences I feel would be important. Overall in a sense I think it's fair to say that.

so fucking tired. I have been since yesterday. basically spent two days in bed. on some kind of break from uni so it's ok. I've been in religious crisis for months now, I think it's getting to me but I also think I'm making progress. just so fucking tired.

>>17921552
laying in bed all day will make you more tired than if you got up and exercised

>>17917023
lol just stop drinking

>>17921483
I've already made some contacts but they live far away. I cannot wait until this corona shit is over

>>17917133
it's not art but yeah

>>17918417
>>17918514
>>17919940
it's okay, you'll be an actual adult some day.

I went out for a walk today at 7:30pm and I got an email. It was 7:30pm and someone sent me an email I had to respond to. I didn't have a choice, if I didn't respond to it, there would be consequences. I'm not sure what type of consequences, as I've never let them unfold, but I knew they would occur. I ran home to review the materials and respond to the email.

I was outside for 10 minute and 22 seconds. The most in 6 days.

>>17919962
Try rural Siberia.

I need to lay off stalking korean instathots online.

>>17919232
Hard to keep my chin up when the future is so unclear, but my parents will take care of me I suppose.

>>17921239
Not really. I don’t think I’d want to anyway.

>>17921705
i like the way you wrote that

>>17922079
that's rough. I think the best you can do is try to keep cordial with your closest blood relatives, and let the others be whatever they're gonna be, and hope something better grows out of it over time. and don't kill yourself anon.

a poem for lit

There is a sea to gaze, not voyage, on;
And hills, to rough the edge of the bland skies;
Few birds, sufficient for such caterpillars
As are not fated to turn butterflies.

Good Friday tomorrow, then Easter. I can’t go home to visit my family because I would have to take the train and risk infecting myself and my parents with the virus. For the next three days I will be completely alone, mostly locked up in my small apartment. I have a few books lined up, some harpsichord pieces to work on. Might see a film or two, cook a bit. Hopefully won’t oversleep. Overall I’m feeling betrayed, lonely, pathetic, hollow, worthless and idle. There is no stability, no security, no continuity in any of my very few relationships. Oh well. I should probably interrupt my nineteen-hour fast now because I’m physically exhausted. End of blog

good friday tmrw then easter. i've not spoke to friends or family for weeks. for the next 20 days i will be probably alone, doing branded work for grolsch and maybe do coke with the girl who drops it off. been eating 1 meal a day most days. could be sleeping better. physically feel great.

time passes on like vomit
a gushing stream of content
there a spaghetti flies by
that made it in and out in one piece

I always feel awkward wishing people peace
What I wish for them is for Gods will to come to pass, which certainly is not always pleasant
however I am quite sure that Gods will for me is that I would wish people peace

>want to crossdress and get dicked AGAIN
It never goes away fully....

>>17922493
canadians like cock

most women deserve to be raped

what do you do when everything in society is designed to keep you on edge, can't even relax at home

my therapist keeps calling me a lizard brain

>>17922756
Read Jane Austin.

I've finally got time to relax but I now realize that I don't want to relax

>>17922764
why

>>17922493
it'll end in tears

First of all, Nabokov was a pedophile. It’s obvious to me that what he was doing with his writing and his books was a subtle game, almost to the point of mockery, with his readers, his interviewers, and the American language generally. Second, I don’t hate him because he was a pedophile. I hate him because while I can admit he was very technically proficient at writing in the English language and Lolita is a good book, he’s exactly the kind of disingenuous social rat shape shifter that I can identify but can’t understand or sympathize with. It’s a trait I find more in Old Worlders than new oddly but either way, I simply detest them because I don’t understand the warrant nor ability for such a thing.

>>17922279
I mean, I’m cordial. I harbor a little bit of resentment for my parents and my twin brother, but least for my twin brother and still for my parents it’s not so much where I say, couldn’t get along in a room with them. Frankly, I’m just very unhappy with my past and my current life and as a result of those my perceived future. I hold them directly or indirectly culpable for most of it and for that reason, I can’t help but want to distance myself from them. It’s terrible to say because truly I love my family but often times, I wish I had been raised an orphan only child for my own sake or at least a child with much older/younger siblings and cold parents who didn’t impart their own problems onto their child.

>>17922986
What was he supposed to do? Outright admit to everyone he's a pedo and his books are pedo wank?

>>17923008
I mean, he could’ve just not done the interviewers for one. On the other hand, I don’t think his books were pedo wank. His books are good. He was a very good writer. Either way, I’m not saying I don’t understand that aspect of his having to deny it or whatever. I’m saying I don’t like him because of this shape shifters sociability that he no doubt acquired thanks to his upbringing in a fleeing aristocratic Russian family. Its a type of person that I somehow be able to easily detect but not understand and I simply detest people like that.

>>17920449
t. fat art ho bitch

>>17922746
why would i want to stimulate a woman's genitals? if you actually hated them you wouldn't even consider that much.

>>17922493
its a fucking curse, i finally didnt nut to it today, maybe this is the start of finally being free

>>17922493
Getting muscle helped a bit. Last time I crossdress I looked so disgusting I just took the clothes after a minute. I looked nice as a twink teenager but not anymore. It does seems wanting to do it actually never goes away, it's a big reason why I don't try to make a family.

>>17922493
Getting muscle helped a bit. Last time I crossdressed I looked so disgusting I took the clothes off after a minute. I looked nice as a twink teenager but not anymore. It does seems wanting to do it actually never goes away, it's a big reason why I don't try to make a family.

>>17922493
>>17923277
>>17923408
wtf is wrong with gay people

>>17923446
Not gay bro I just like cute clothes.

>>17923446
not gay either, just have a fetish for getting forcibly used as if i were a woman

hopefully thats no longer a true statement at some point in my life

>>17923408
i actually look kind of twinkish while cding even though im 30
but it might just be the self delusion

>>17923514
that makes you gay lol

>>17916311
I am deep frustrated at myself and the society around me, for it seems that it seems fixed on the constant sale of products, virtue signaling and seemingly increasing demented ideas being forced as normal.
I have been made a second case citizen in my own culture, just because of my skin color and sexual orientation. I watch as my city raises Concrete Mausoleums as homes, has boys become woman, and the lazy despots get supported by the system while people who actually work and try get thrown to the wayside and trampled.
My family is broken. My future is filled with poverty, conflict and little hope of starting a functional family of my own, despite my yeaning for one. And here I sit.
That is on my mind anon.

>>17916919
Furious masturbating does the same thing as sex.

>>17918689
I miss my french lover :(
Leaf btw, NA women are trash.

>>17923540
well I dont want to kiss a dude, or like romantically court one

either way i dont like this, i wish i didnt feel this way but i mean shit it happens

>>17916321
Damn neck beards look so uncomfortable, I've never seen one pulled off in a fashionable manner.

>>17923634
stop being a fag then

I'm just a nice guy in general. I want to help people, I want to make them feel good, and I want to help them live a life without regrets.
It feels good to convince my friends to cheat on their partners, and they feel good doing it. And we all know if they didn't cheat then they'd forever be imagining what it would have been like and live with that regret weighing down.
I love being the one to confirm people's feelings, to tell them their fears and desires are true. To give them the final push into taking the leap into their ideals.
I free them of their shackles. I free them from their desires which hold them back. I am the words they want to hear, the one who'll give them validation, the one who tells them what they've been feeling is natural and instead of fighting it they should embrace it. They shouldn't fight their lust or greed, it is a part of them and its a part that'll always be with them. By ignoring what their souls call out for they only doom themselves to a life of mediocrity, a life filled with sorrow, a future filled with regrets, a deathbed where one can only look back on life and remember the things they failed to do rather than being able to reminisce about the adventures they had.

thinking about the forest bro
hope he's doing well

God, psychiatry is fucking boring. All you ever see is schizophrenia or bipolar mania + psychosis. You'd think it would be interesting to talk to these people but it's dull as shit, all psychotic delusions can be classed into the same 5 or 6 categories which are identical from patient to patient except for superficial variations based on cultural background and education level. It's a little depressing to know that when the human mind is firing on all cylinders with all the creative walls broken down, it's incapable of coming up with anything beyond the same derivative bullshit over and over.

>>17923957
I never thought much of that series of paintings until I saw a video explaining the evolution of them, and the way it slowly evolves into total abstraction blew my mind. Not sure why I ignored it before but it's really amazing.

>>17924086
is it supposed to simulate an lsd trip or something?

>>17924123
Nah the artist went nuts. He was known for being THE guy who drew cats for all sorts of things, and he just gradually lost it. The three pictures you see there aren't made on the same day (which would make sense for an LSD trip) but years apart.

I mean I'd go nuts too if all I did was paint cats but still.

>>17924086
holy shit i can't believe that dude died before lsd was available to the public, he must have had access to shrooms or peyote or something

>>17924141
no i just mean the sequence looks like how lsd trips progress, first everything is a little weird and wavy, then it neon vibrations start zipping around everything like the middle one, then if you took enough the anything you stare at just morphs into some next level abstract shit

>>17916311
in order to achieve spiritual maturity you have to view everything you and your environment does in the context of you "standing at the edge of town". you need to cultivate a certain type of calmness / distance, log off for a while, you need to realize that no matter how much life or online stimuli surrounds you or how good your relationships are, that you are always alone in a certain way, no matter what. shortly after that you'll propably realize that some of the things that you're doing aren't really "you" in so far as you wouldn't do them if you were stuck on a lonely island or the last remaining person on earth. yet you already only truly have yourself and existence / god. be careful what you let into your life. some of you were already somewhat aware of this many years ago yet fell again into all of this nonsense. the constant entertainment and stimuli online is trash culture in a way and the right way of breaking out of it isn't actually creating new revolutionary type of content, it really is logging off and connecting with reality

>>17924156
Ok? But I answered your question though. No, it isn't.

>>17924197
i didn't ask if the artist painted while tripping on lsd, that probably wouldn't look trippy since everything would look trippy to him, i asked if it was one of those paintings meant to look trippy, but i already wikid him and saw he died the year after hoffman discovered lsd

Metamodernism is like flushing a toilet halfway and then throwing it out your window and shitting in your tub.

>>17923792
Begone Satan

At the age of 24 I have finally decided that I need a goal. The source of my current malaise is that I am not working towards something greater, I have no ambition. I have decided to set myself the lofty goal of one day becoming a war correspondent. I will do everything in my power to make this goal a reality. I will hustle, I will work hard, I will put in the extra hours, I will learn the languages I need to learn, I will go above and beyond. And even if I never achieve this goal, the process of working towards it will give my life direction and will at least take me somewhere, even if not the place I expect. I feel a great sense of clarity for the first time in my life. I had been spinning my wheels up until this point, umming and ahhing and ultimately moving nowhere. I have identified a goal and now I have some sort of reason to keep living.

>>17916450
what works of his would you reccomend?

I've wasted years on these devices without a dent to my conscience. Now, I feel a visceral disgust with myself over losing so much time to them. I grew up with computers, video games, openly accepted smartphones without complaint. However, the internet has gradually colonized my reality and sense of self. I hate the memes, the irony, the culture, the sedentariness, the passivity and weakness it breeds.

Years robbed away deciphering these worthless symbols on a screen. How can I say I've lived at all? A computer case is another form of a grave. I want to go the opposite direction, but there's a void in my life outside of the screen. Even my work demands I use these devices. Reality recedes around me and the screen provides an escape from that crumbling world. Eventually, I am left with nothing but the screen.

>>17924602
screen is the new God, accept it.

>>17924602
I'm with you, screen addiction and the disorienting low-resolution phenomenology that accompanies it is an underappreciated blight of the modern age. Humans weren't meant for this. Eventually it will end up being the computers who use us.

>>17924739
>underappreciated
Well let me rephrase that. It is appreciated, it's more accurate to say it's under-understood.

>go to judo class
>ask instructor to throw me
>avoid getting my legs swept
>he can't
>walk out
Was this autistic? If I did this at a boxing gym they'd just punch me harder

i spent more than 50 bucks on programming books this week, that comes to a grand total of two books, i still feel sort of bad, but i haven't bought any geeky shit in a while and reading a pdf just isn't that same as opening up a big ass tome and getting lost in optimizing runtime performance on unix or whatever

>>17924749
>under-understood.
Dont people already agree that theres too much information for brain to handle?

I'm reading news articles, and to fill up space they wrote an article on last night's episode of a game show.
The question a contestant couldn't answer was
>Continue the sequence - bull, house, camel...
>potential answers: a) window, b) door, c) wall, d) roof

I admit, I had no idea. And I was whatever on it, till I saw in comments someone acting all high and mighty how this is common knowledge and only fools can't answer it... Not really, it might have been common knowledge 100 years ago, but not now.

>>17923957
1. Have you seen any successful, high-functioning schizos or manic depressives who recover and lead healthy lives? Are they all heavily-medicated?
2. How familiar are you with porphyria? Random question, perhaps, but still curious.
Thank you.

>sleep for 7 hours
>wake up
>dont feel tired
>stay up for 2-3 hours
>feel extremely sleepy and tired
>have to take a nap for an hour or a two
>slightly better after it
am i sick? it doesnt look healthy

>>17925734
Sounds like narcolepsy

>>17925734
start exercising and losing weight

>>17925345
>Have you seen any successful, high-functioning schizos or manic depressives who recover and lead healthy lives?
successful by whose standard? yours? what do the words "successful" or "high-functioning" even mean? you are asking a psychiatrist for his personal opinion on what success is way more than you are asking about treatment outcomes. you don't even have the slightest awareness of that, do you? there is no overarching moral framework that defines success. if you keep reaching for it you're just always going to be unhappy.

>>17925785
You sound like an unbearable, unsuccessful prick.

I am 21 years old. I have never been in an irl relationship, never held hands, never kissed, never so much as had a girl smile at me. I'm unbearably lonely, I just want some friends. From elementary school till high school, I was relentlessly bullied for being socially anxious and physically weaker to other kids in school and so I think this is why I developed a fear of human beings. I'm afraid of strangers, of people, of anyone that I haven't known a long time. I become extremely uncomfortable around strangers, I feel like I'm being watched, judged. I fantasize about what they say about me behind my back. I comb my hair thrice to make sure my bald spot isn't showing. I can detect even the slightest change in tone and I can tell when people don't want me to bother them anymore and so I am constantly aware of this agenda other people have and I know kindness isn't infinite. This is why I can never truly, sincerely vent to anyone. Despite being a total loser, I still consider myself to be reasonably intelligent but I can never put my mind to anything anymore. I did very well until the final years of high school when I just couldn't focus anymore. I don't have fun doing things I used to love as a kid (vidya, anime). I started reading books last year and I think that brought me some joy but now I'm completely drained. I've decided to kms before my 22nd birthday. That's still a long while but it's become so bad that death kind of brings me comfort. I always tell myself "if things get too bad I can just kms"". Despite this, I'm too scared to actually commit suicide. I don't know, I think I'm getting closer though. A few years ago, I couldn't actually imagine myself jumping off that bridge. Now I have the vision in my head. Soon, anons.

>>17925773
Maybe but if anything i didnt want to sleep as much when i was fatter.

>>17925920
See a therapist if anything you can kill yourself a bit later.

Kinda like the guy above, I'm a 22 year old virgin, but while this defined me to myself for a long time, I've realized I'm kind of good with women and having one come to like me lately is how I put it together. I'm not very attractive (just average I think), but I've come to believe if you can meet a minimum standard of appearance, you can win a lot of girls over the rest of the way through personality alone. What's tricky is I don't know if it can be taught. It's easy to blame incels for never getting laid if they have a bad personality, but they could be trying in earnest and still failing anyway. For me the right thing to do just comes automatically, it would be cruel to taunt someone just because they don't share that trait.

I don't write here to brag, but because I still don't really have friends and you lot are the closest thing to that. That ties in well to the drawback of the above, that I suck at making male friends. I'm not sure why it is really. I grew up with an older sister and we were pretty close as children. Maybe that's it.

What should i watch next?
>3-gatsu no lion
>Eden of the East
>Panty and Stocking
>Luluco
>Bodacious Space Pirates

>>17926124
sangatsu is pretty great but you should read the mango instead

>>17917052
Where should I start studying rhetoric? Would appreciate some pointers, I wish to be articulate.

>>17925920
You're not 30 yet. Once you're 30, it's all over.

>>17926195
>tfw 30 next year

>>17926201
In a few years for me. I pray for civil unrest. I don't want women. I want something to die for.

>>17919188
You sound qt, no homo bro

>>17926124
Sangatsu definitely, so comfy

>>17925345
1. Yes, honestly not that common but it happens. Depends on a ton of factors though. Actually my dad's an engineer at a very prestigious firm and he's got a schizophrenic co-worker who occasionally has psychotic breaks but then gets back into the swing of things and functions great inbetween. Apparently he once called my dad at 4am referring to him as God and begging for forgiveness after he locked his wife and kids in the bathroom and threatened to shoot them, but was back at work in a few months' time and doing well at home. Interesting stuff.

2. I have a surface knowledge of it, but haven't encountered it irl. I'm only an intern rotating through various specialties, not a psychiatrist like >>17925785 says. Emergency med/trauma is much more my style anyway, I like rapid fire stuff, psych burns me out. And also, to that anon, "just BEE happy bro" is so nebulous, who can blame anyone for wanting goal posts? In psych, ideally, success is whatever the competent and logical patient's definition thereof is, whether that's fortune 500 or being a neet, but also if you were truly happy you likely wouldn't be seeing them in the first place, so they have an obligation to do something for you, whether push you out of neetdom or pull you down from your Wolf of Wall Street fantasies, and that "something" is based on a societal aggregate because in our most lizard-brained form we're inevitably social creatures. What I'm saying in too many words is yes, figure out your own shit, but like the other anon said don't be a prick about it.

Porn addiction is real.

>>17926125
>>17926270
Thanks lads, will do.

>>17924749
You mean underestimated. As in it's not considered a big enough problem.

I hate having a stutter, sounding like a drooling retard because my brain can't keep up. I can't listen to my own voice played back.

>>17925061
>acting all high and mighty how this is common knowledge and only fools can't answer it... Not really, it might have been common knowledge 100 years ago, but not now.
He might not be acting high and mighty, and it may just appear that way to you. Plenty more people would act high and mighty like that if the question was "what is an alphabet named after" and people failed to produce alpha and beta. It's only really acting high and mighty in that case if a follow up question of "draw psi" got pictures of the gangham style rapper.
The guy you saw might have enough knowledge he's just being informed rather than unnecessarily arrogant about his own knowledge. It's much easier to find people with limited knowledge who act high and mighty but usually that knowledge is more vague and less detailed (e.g. Of course the world is round, because I was told it is, and I've seen pics, wtf do you mean provide a proof from the angle of the sun and shadows like people in the dark ages could?)

>>17919141
>This is great when it succeeds in hunting down scumbags and wrongdoers committing crimes and affronts to basic decency
>basic decency
Then you don’t get to complain, faggot.

I want to move to New York but my remote job doesn’t pay nearly enough for me to live there comfortably.

>>17922345
>Few birds, sufficient for such caterpillars
>As are not fated to turn butterflies.

>>17925920
Shave your head man, way better than trying to comb over a bald spot

>>17926118
You can be butt ugly and get laid if you have a good personality. Many such cases!

>>17925920
When I was in a similar situation, my shrink told me to spend the day at the shopping mall actually putting effort into noticing and recording how many people look at me and for what duration of time. It sounds crazy but you should do it and see that nobody gives a shit about you. This mindset is extremely freeing if you can embrace it as a positive.

>>17921009
That in Europe? Where do you live in dorms there? UK?

>>17926207
Massively gay

>>17927174
Germany

>>17927068
He called people that couldn't answer morons and said any village woman, a stereotype of poorly educated and mentally limited person, would know. That's acting high and mighty, because while everyone is taught Greek alphabet, only maybe linguists would be told where said alphabet comes from, everyone else just has to memorize handful of symbols so they can use it in science.

Masculinity in the 21st century is a LARP and I'm glad the wokists are working on making it socially unacceptable.

>>17927150
even if you have a bad personality you can get it if you have enough energy

>>17927777
stupid ass quads

>>17927721
based and surrogate activity pilled

>>17927309
>That's acting high and mighty, because while everyone is taught Greek alphabet, only maybe linguists would be told where said alphabet comes from
>everyone is taught the Greek alphabet
I think the vast majority of people would tap out before iota despite thinking initially it couldn't be that hard.

>>17927282
Studentenheim? Just ignore the rules. That is what I do. But I am not a student anymore so idk how easy that is. Germans government is going full autism right now.

>>17926181
Aristotle’s rhetoric, unironically, is a great place to start.

>>17923634
The idea that homosexuality is an analogue of heterosexuality with all the same desires, forms, and emotions is a fancy propagated by media.

In reality most male homosexuals are like yourself: fetishistic and driven by the basest part of lust. Glory holes and 5-minute stands are norm. "Dating" and "marriage" the exceptions. Usually undertaken for political reasons.

Why are the first eight seasons of the simpsons so good?

>>17928277
Matt Groenig was still creatively involved.

>>17928277
Harvard educated Jew writers.

Cigarettes are epicurean if you smoke them as you should, that is, only once in a while. First of all, there is the pleasure of the cigarette after a long abstinence: What could be more delightful, more uplifting? The mind unfolding like a japanese fan and speech leaps over the dams and across the meadows inwardly. Then there is the pleasure of craving in times of abstinence. A dizziness spreads through your limbs, your head becomes light as a cloud in the evening wind. Restless activity fills your days, drives out your desire. And then there is the secret cigarette of human weakness....

>>17916311
I've never listened to No Doubt and after what seems like years of emptiness I had an emotional response to their song Don't Speak. I don't know what to make of it but I'll squash the emotion before I go to sleep.

Anyone here who I can talk to about strategies for building up a livable income from writing. It doesn’t have to be writing necessarily what you want to write but just writing as a means of making a living, freelance or day job.

I want to write novels but I don’t want to work a day job. I want to learn from people who were able to build up a livable income whether that’s from columns, ebooks, freelance projects, whatever. I’ve even thought about a literary themed podcast and YouTube but I don’t think I’m suited for that.

>>17928308
The dizziness isn't the smoker's high though. It is a high which most people can get from infrequent use, but the actual smoker's high only shows in people who are addicted and predisposed. In those who have smoked enough and have the genetic predisposition to it, smoking a cigarette brings serenity on par with a zen master.

>>17928308
>What could be more delightful, more uplifting?
I could name a few things.
>A dizziness spreads through your limbs,
When it first binds to the nicotinic cholinergic receptors nicotine has a powerful euphoriant affect similar to hard narcotics like heroin. However this is fleeting and usually only happens with the first smoke because of how nicotine exposure desensitizes the receptors which blocks the release of more dopamine after further exposure.

So really there's no good reason to smoke other than occasionally, other than your goal is to be addicted.

>>17916311
>can't regulate my emotions
>book gets to an exciting part
>I get too excited
>I am physically incapable of continuing, because I can't calm down
>never finish book
What a nightmare existence. There are so many books, movies, series, vidya that I can't start or finish because I'm just too overwhelmed. This blows.

I want to survive a suicide attempt or have a near death experience.

>>17928409
Maybe force yourself to deal with it and regulate your emotions instead of not even trying? You’re enabling yourself to be a pussy who can’t even finish a piece of media, let alone face real life.

>>17928430
that's great advice thanks. can't believe I didn't try that before.

>>17928409
this is very odd. look at it this way- most people are never that excited. can you describe why it is impossible to go on?

>>17928277
on this note: why is the first season of south park the only good one?

>>17924786
that's just funny, sounds like the instructor isn't good at judo

>>17928687
I start to feel them physically. Especially excitement. It feels like my chest clenches up, sometimes painfully. Usually I just panic.

>>17928720
>>17924786
>what am I doing with my life man

>>17928409
you say this like it makes any sense at all

>>17928745
wow. haven't heard of anything like it but what do I know. has it always been like that?

>>17927309
that guy is what you might call a highly educated retard. an actual deluded moron. that's all

>>17928275
in reality, sexual orientation isn't a thing.
culture, I believe, will soon catch up to this fact, though not for the right reasons

I am in neutral. I don't particularly want anything. I am here out of habit

I’m torn between moving back home to that house out in the distant suburbs to save some money and taking a short term rental back in the city. I’m 28. What would you do?

to do what is ones duty but without heat, sacrificing ones action fully and expecting nothing in return, knowing that to take something in return would be theft, knowing that in truth there is nothing to gain or lose.
to be a homophobe but not be a fag about it.
a middle way.

>>17929464
what's the commute? do you enjoy the perks of the city? where are your friends?

A moth just flew into my room and bumped into my face and neck. Sweet little creature. She can stay.

>>17929554
No commute. I work remote though I hate the job and am desperate to quit. I don’t know that I even prefer the city but I’m out in the boonies right now and I’m wasting away here. There’s no reason for me to be here. Don’t have many friends. Those I do have are mostly in a different city than what’s being considered. I should be clear. The parent’s house is about 30 minutes driving outside of that city where the friends are at the point where suburbs turn to farm land. The city I’m considering is a totally different city a state over.

Actually, I’m at a loss with this whole thing because I had planning to go work abroad and I still want to do that but they’re not letting anyone in right now. I don’t want to just keep my life on hold so I’m at this impasse where I want to move, don’t know where I want to move, don’t know if I should hold out, don’t want to keep my job, and all this other shit.

>>17929744
if it were me I'd sit tight until I came upon a good option, rather than just switch between not great options. but that's me, and I am fine being quite sedentary. I really don't need much so a move just seems like a hassle. but if you feel you need to stir the pot, then I really don't know anon

>>17916833
ok retard

>>17929799
Part of this is my age, dude. You know? I’m about to turn 28 in a week. If I go abroad, I’m looking at being 29 before I even get there. 29 is nearly 30 to the point that it might as well be 30. When you’re my age, you start to regret a whole of not optimal choices you made when you were younger and when you realize you want something, you start trying to hurry up and cram it all in at once but you can’t. You have to live with the fact that in some respect you fucked yourself and now you have to choose your sacrifice. It sounds trivial but sometimes that sacrifice is pretty serious. It might even be the only thing you really still want to do with your life before you check out if you know what I mean. If I were a younger man, I’d just sit tight for a little bit before I pulled the trigger. As an older man, I’m trying to cram a bunch of shit in to fix not only my present but my past and there’s no optimal scenario. Hence, the indecision.

>>17928308
feel the same about jacking off desu

>>17929895
well what were you hoping to get out of going abroad? exotic women? new museums? seeing the world? maybe moving cities can be a real surrogate for what you're looking for

>>17929920
It’s a country I just have a particular interest in, largely because I started reading its literature when I was younger and I just grew to have an interest in it. As for what I wanted to get out of it? Nothing in particular. I just wanted to be there, see what they saw but in a 21st century format, try the language, satiate my interest, just have a new experience. That’s all honestly.

>>17916873
the flipside to this is that there's never been a time with as many different methods to carve out a niche for yourself

In addition, it's pretty remarkable what is possible when you maintain your aim towards a long term goal. Most people don't even begin to play the hands that they are dealt. Not that you should buy into the hustle porn mindset, just that you ought to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want to do and what it'll take each day

>>17921396
You don't really need these sorts of books because they are just advanced procrastination. In reality, you already know what you have to do: focus on your most cherished goals, be honest with yourself at how much progress you are making, be aware of time and what you do with it, do things with intent and intensity, try to make some amount of progress every day.

But no insight or book or anything else can help if you can't deal with your anxiety or lack of will. That's why it helps to stare reality in the face (memento mori to name one) to generate feelings that can counter the anxiety

>>17929895
You sound like a 45 year old describing their problems yet you are only 28. Stop feeling sorry for yourself as it will just kill your spirit. The past is dead, make the decision to forget about it and commit to that. If you are upset about your past self don't do the same thing to your future one

>>17930002
fair enough, there'll for sure be time. as for your current dilemma, I'm not sure trying to compensate for some lost past is gonna.. like it's gone man, there's nothing to do, no use being hung up. I really think that apart from being at peace with where you're at, there isn't really that much to do in this life, really. And if you don't have that then there isn't really any way to have anything, regardless of all the rest. that's how I try to live anyway.

the absolute and singular root of my spirituality was reading the gospels in the fall of 2011. Looks like we've got an anniversary coming up. Since then I have had a relationship with God, I've talked to God. It has been shifting. Sometimes I've tried to make it fit in a religious framework. But I think that I've realized that... I mean my faith comes from nothing other than my reading and contemplating alone. That's how it started. It has been a relationship of two, me and God. To take this and join a religion, come to the conclusion that the logical conclusion is organized religion, this would be to take what was and turn it into something completely different. Being religious in a religious community is completely different from being two. There's compromise, all sorts of wills to take into account. There's making religion out of communal life, sanctifying a bunch of things... Maybe for a time I though that was right. But over time I came to realize that when you choose community, to an extent you sacrifice truth, and that cut deep in me, I truly felt betrayed, embittered. Now I'm going back and forth on what I think would bring the most benefit, but this is no way to pick a religion... I wonder if it wouldn't be valid to go back to two. That's how God came, after all, and He really did. In a lot of ways that's how I know Him, when I search for Him in my heart that's who I search for, not some agreed upon convention.

I wish this would be over.

>>17918318
Cute! You sound nice anon, hope you can find a way to be yourself without getting too much flak from normies.

>>17930114
How old are you?

why am I so retarded. I can't approach you

>>17926238
well, thanks.

BUT WHY CAN'T I FIND A GF

oh because i use 4chan nvm

>>17930119
I think actually I agree with you more than you might think based on what I’ve said. It’s more like your present and your future is a consequence of your past and in light of the general apathy and “it doesn’t matter”-ness of modern life if you identify something that feels like it might be worth doing but also feel hundred because of your past (it’s implications for present and future) well, then that’s just kind of the cherry on top isn’t it? either way, you’ve helped me figure out what I want to do so thanks.

>>17930291
Slightly older. I know the feeling you described in the post, as I also felt it then. You'll soon figure out how self-indulgent it was and the surprising amount of opportunities you do in fact have before you.

>>17930326
it's been my pleasure anon, very happy if it was of any use.

I dreamt my movements were slow, I had to manually move my legs. I was trying to catch up to someone, or get somewhere idk. If I got on all fours I could run, but when I realized what I was doing I got too embarrassed and went back to that horrible slow walk.
I think it means I should act on instinct more, run like an animal. Much to consider.

>>17930357
this was dreaming 101 until the all fours part. solid dream anon, 7/10

i should do something productive

Give me the rundown on DeLillo. Of those American authors commonly cited as the most notable of this century
> DeLillo
> McCarthy
> Wallace
> Pynchon
> Roth
> Don’t think I’m missing anyone but let me know if I am
I can’t really get into the writing of any of them. DeLillo is the only one I don’t know much about.

>>17930899
>>17930899
>>17930899
>>17930899