/lit/ - Literature

Writing emotions men, wish me luck

I'm going to watch some black Youtube and then I'm going to work on Blackula

I did it, bros.
All I need to do now is edit and change a few things here and there, but I'm 90% there.

It’s pathetic that you faggots keep reviving this dead General only for it desecrate it further. Why can’t you faggots just leave it dead.

>most of the people who reviewed my story said it was above average
>could use a fix here or there but generally good
Im gonna make it bros!

>>18809570
Good luck on everything!

>>18810014
That is exceptionally based, I kneel to you, Reviewed Chad.

As for me, tomorrow I start writing again and I can do quite a bit as no work until Friday!

how do i stop awkward phrasing?

>>18810315
Rephrase until it's not awkward.

Are there any books on writing character and/or dialogue?

>>18810363
Yeah, most fiction. Look at your favorite books, and really study how they make their characters talk. Then, steal it. That's probably a start.

>>18810401
Other than that? The books I read don't seem to have much in common when it comes to dialogue.

>>18810437
How about you just fucking write instead of making excuses.

>>18810356
Is reading a sentence out-loud a good method of determining whether or not your sentence is awkward?

Can anyone review this writing? I don't write much but I wrote this a while back and I want to know what's wrong with it. It feels like there's something wrong with my story that I just can't quite put my finger on. Thanks

>>18810597
That's an excessively long paragraph. Long enough to be at least 3 or 4.

>>18810597
Ya, just looking at that wall of text is daunting, gotta spread it out.
First of all, if we're doing it from a first person perspective, it sounds rather casual? At the beginning that is. Dude woke up in desert, and he seems completely unfazed by it.
Second, that "my family is dead", comes straight out of nowhere. Feels like whiplash. We're talking about a desert and then- my family is dead. Its like, "hey this park is nice, its full of trees, and the green leaves mix with the wind swept grass grass on the ground. I once killed six men in a mcdonalds bathroom, and I stared as their last breaths faded away." You get it? Its out of nowhere

Finally got done editing a bit of a book six-ish months ago. Haven't been able to get anyone to give me an opinion though so was wondering if anyone here had some time to burn: https://www.wattpad.com/story/279523911-just-a-bar I've just been releasing it in parts since I figured it'd be easier for people to just comment on an individual chunk.

>>18810453
You should absolutely read all your writing out loud to see how it sounds.

>>18810597
Some well put together sentences in there, but "character wakes up and explains his life" is just too lame for it to work soz.

>>18810597
fuck tha haterz. it's a good tidbit about my life.

Can't decide the path for my noir script.

X think he was in a place he shouldn't be, He share his experience with his friend:

>Option 1:Friend don't take X advice and go to the same place at night, He disappear
>Option 2:Friend don't take X advice and go to the same place at night, He come back the next day and say he seen nothing, X calmly go to the same place again and find otherwise.
>Option 3:Friend go to the place at night, He come back acting weird, Like he's feeling in danger yet claim he didn't see anything.

Sound pretty cringy writing it that way but the context make sense of it all

>>18810597
You're describing something you want to write, not writing something. Big difference.
Also remember that crit from 4chan is often retarded, I've posted stuff before and half the people say I'm pynchon 2 and half say it's dogshit. Both were probably right but regardless.
>>18810443
I gave up writing so I have more time to drink

>>18811029
>I gave up writing so I have more time to drink
Then why are you fucking here.

>>18811033
I'm drinking idk

"yes" said the captain, awkwardly.
"why?" asked the sargeant, sheepishly.
"i dunno, i just don't know" replied the captain, snarkily.
"but you're the captain, you should know," replied the sergeant, gleefully.
"why do you sound so gleeful?" asked the captain, curiously.
"i don't know, sir," barked the segreant, dogfully.
"don't you bark at me, sergeant! what are you, a golden retriever?" inquired the captain, exasperatedly.
"of course not, i am a human being," responded the sergeant, his eyes welling up with tears.
"well, i knew that, i was just trying to make a j-" the captain was suddenly cut off by the sound of an icecream truck outside the army base headquarters.
"sir, permission to get some icecream?" requested the sergeant, poopily.
"permission granted, and get me a cornetto or whatever too," commanded the captain, authoritatively.

the end.

Since everyone here recommends imitation for learning, I tried a quick imitation exercise. It came out much better than I expected (better than my usual writing, anyway). Thoughts?

Does anyone care what level your writing correlates with reading levels? Do you just run it through a readability program? And is it better to write toward the general population of 6th grade or try to write at higher reading levels?

>>18810363
talk with people in real life and that's how you write dialogue

>>18811309
You're supposed to try imitating good writers.

>>18811309
It's full of run-on sentences and very robotic description. What were you imitating?

>>18809970
Fuckin nice
>All I need to do now is edit
Haha y-yeah me too. Definitely didn't restart my manuscript from page 1 today. Definitely have way more than 400 words.

>>18811047
isn't there a game where you try to make puns with dialogue modifiers?

Like "I dropped my tube of toothpaste in the toilet," he said, crestfallen.

Or how about: "He's bleeding internally," he cut in.

Or a classic: "She's got a great ass," he said, cheekily.

>>18811325
>>18811328
Tolstoy lol. Here's the original (from W&P).

Just found something I wrote when I was 16 for the first chapter of a generic fantasy novel
>Look out, young child, look for the hook-hand man,
>Watch out, young child, run as far as you can.
>Look out, good king, look for the shadowed stone,
>Listen to your heralds, listen for the groans
>Of the people, the land. For when the end comes,
>the wise will profit and the foolish shall burn.

>>18811336
No wonder it’s shit. Instead of trying to find your own voice. You just copy and paste others.

>writing a love story
>turning into a beta boy that gets used by women
>girl he likes doesn't ever text him first
>takes forever to reply
>doesn't go out to drink with him at night
I think I need to stop writing this story. It's hitting too close to home. This is just going to end in heartbreak.

>>18811336
Replacing words from a translation is a useless exercise.

>>18811366
>>18811403
OK. Thanks very much for the feedback! I'll keep trying.

>>18808671
I cut out 2k useless words and I'm back to 133k words but with greater integrity. 3 chapters remain to be finished.
Dare I say I'll be done this week?

>>18811338
Sounds neat. Will you continue?

This place truly became a hugbox.

>>18811490
What do you want?

>>18811484
I think that little poem is far-and-away the best of what I have from that first experiment, it was pretty inconsistent in quality and generally not very good. It had questionable choices like some characters being written with very heavy accents in text.
I might post a pastebin link with the whole first chapter later if I can find the completed version
Maybe I could finish and turn it into an Amazon dime novel for some disposable income, and become a /lit/ pariah

>>18811523
I have stuff I wrote in middle-school, not digitally but on paper. It was fun, I can't remember writing these but I can tell I enjoyed it.

Alright my n-words, I've decided that I'm going to make a web serial and put it on royalroad to try to milk the reta-I mean generous individuals there for shekels maybe if it turns out they like the idea I have. My question to anyone who's done royalroad is: how much of the story should you have pre-planned and how much pre-written before posting the first chapter? I have some basic worldbuilding and about 50 chapter outlines done but I'm not through the first major arc yet.
Basically I just want to know what's worked for people in the past for making sure they didn't write themselves into a corner when doing a story that is designed for indefinite expansion.

>>18811602
You should pre-plan as muc has reasonably possible, and you should absolutely pre-write as much as you can. 75k words is a reasonable amount to start with as a buffer.

>>18811602
>I've decided that I'm going to make a web serial and put it on royalroad to try to milk the reta-
You’re not going to make it.

>>18811606
>as much as reasonably possible
For me that generally means the entire plot from beginning to end. I might end up reaching 75k just in chapter outlines if I do that. 75k buffer doesn't sound bad though, only about ~25 chapters.

god damn, why won't writer's block leave me the fuck alone

>>18808671
"Skanky Arse Cunt of a Woman"

Sucking dick when you're coked out,
Railing white lines from men you barely know,
Wrapping those lips around his, blow for blow,
Punches from left and right, you're battered
From a hard, rough night...
You skanky bitch,
You ugly roastie,
Up all night, keeping his balls toasty...

>>18811643
Because you don’t write at all so stop pretending.

Someone in a different thread posted the idea of starting line of "It should have been a dark and stormy night." Thought I'd rewrite the intro one of my hundreds of abandoned short story ideas with it as a quick exercise.
Always looking to improve, critical advice is appreciated

>>18811854
Doesn’t make a lick of sense. I wonder if you even bothered to read it out loud or did something that approach the bare minimum. But knowing this general, I doubt it.

>>18811863
I'm down for criticism but I know my work is at least above "raw nonsense".

All my ideas are in the fantasy and scifi genre, which I feel is childish. I want to write something set in the real world, but can't think of anything that would be interesting except for crime lit.

>>18811891
>the cinephile brain can't think of anything beyond genre
That's normal, but maybe just embrace the fact you like sci fi, fantasy, crime, and comic book garbage... You can at least innovate.

>>18811854
Wow someone actually took my retarded joke seriously, I'm proud of you anon.

>>18811896
It's more that I fear anything I write that is just about normal life would come off as melodramatic or boring. If the stakes aren't high, how can it be interesting?

>>18811854
Sucks. Cliched, riddled with errors, aimless.

>>18811960
Care to elaborate?

>>18811854
This is pretty decent. There's someone in this thread samefagging calling everyone's work shit though

>>18811992
Are you the person everyone calls the Canadian paedophile?

>>18812050
Seek help

>>18811973
no. also the word is extrapolate, newfig

>>18812061
Care to explicate?

>>18811332
They're called Tom Swifties. They're mildly fun to make up.

"This steering-wheel won't work," said Tom straightforwardly.

"By the way, is it OK to pet your dog?" asked Tom offhandedly.

"Haha, look at that prisoner climbing down the wall on a rope of knotted bedsheets. He'll never make it," said Tom condescendingly.

How to write dialogue that doesn't sound autistic and stilted?

>>18812231
Write how people talk

>>18812244
I barely socialise though so I write how I think people talk and end up cringing at the end result because I have this cynical post-ironic inner monologue that taints how I imagine the characters speak. I try to remember that the reader is supposed to feel like a fly on the wall but making dialogue efficient yet effective and in character is hard

>>18812269
Then go out and socialize instead of making excuses.

What's the best resource for plot structure and character arcs

>>18812304
I don't know if it's the best resource, but you can find good info on those high school standard curriculum book study guides, like Sparknotes and Cliffsnotes. Personally I find those "20 standard plot lines" lists too general

>>18812301
This. Just go to a café or something and listen to people.

>"write something original"
>"look for inspiration in your own life"
>"try not to be derivative of existing writing"
>"read all genres, watch and consume all kinds of media"
>"avoid cliches and tropes"
>"adapt obscure and foreign cultures and ideas"
>"expand your views, go against the grain"

>every single successful written thing in the last decade+ was basically a reskin of another successful thing from the decade prior with very little changed

>>18812598
>he wants success rather than integrity
NGMI

>>18812539
I'd feel creepy

>>18812602
Integrity won't pay the power bill for my 240 volt FuckMaster Pro

>>18812605
Don't feel creepy. People do it all the time.

>>18812605
Don't stare at people. Sit down, drink a coffee, do something on your laptop or phone. The only people that will notice you were already schizos to begin with.

Aren't you guys worried about getting covid from hanging out at a cafe all day

>>18812787
I've been vaccinated, what threat is this disease to me?

>>18812787
No I carry Kierkegaard with me everywhere I go, he naturally repels people to six feet away from me it's like magnets

>>18812816
That's quite a leap of faith on your part.
G-get it? Leap of faith? Hahaha...

>>18811027
>>Option 1:Friend don't take X advice and go to the same place at night, He disappear
this one would probably be the most consequential for the story, and the reader would likely be more intrigued with a person's disappearance than his emotions/ interactions becoming more awkward as a result of going to said place, plus writing emotions can be hard
I'd suggest the first anon

>>18812801
breakthrough infection. Is larping as a writer pseud worth getting long-covid for?

How's this for the opener to my Balkan travel memoir? I feel like nobody's going to find any significance in this section. Might scrap it. But it was an anecdote that felt dear to me in the moment, idk.

>>18812890

And yes, I'm aware I've got the average Serb salaries wrong. I'm going to fix that. The real numbers are even lower. The batteries are about two-thirds the average Serb's daily salary.

>>18812889
Nah, I've been vaccinated so I'm immune now. That's what vaccines do.

>>18812890
Don't capitalize a word after a semicolon you silly person

>>18812926

There are many instances in which it's fine to do so. But you're right, this might not be one of them. Can't treat it like a hard and fast rule tho.

Advice on how to break bad habits like using "and" too much?

I think one of the worst parts of writing is having to go over your first draft to read and fix cringe sentences

>>18813262
I'm two chapters away from being forced to do this.

>>18812922
you gonna get the delta. Stay home, never leave the house, write alone

>>18813132
CTRL F "and" when you're finished and edit as necessary.

>>18814258
The power of technology!

How's this anecdote from my Balkans memoir? Just whipped it up this morning, but I'm iffy on writing in the imperative tense. I've never done that before.

>>18812605
Then don’t fucking write then.

>>18812244
>Write how people talk
>that doesn't sound autistic and stilted?

>>18814667
Not autistic. Definitely not autistic. Yeah.

I'm writing urban fantasy. Vampires and stuff.

I want to be passionate, and ravishing. Something dark and classical like Dracula, but accessible like Stephen King, and intense like Dostoevsky. This sounds like too diluted, but that's the idea. (also I'm writing in my native language as I'm a little clumsy in English)

What book do you recommend to learn to be more slow-placed, mastering descriptions, and having a correctly fleshed-out story? As of now, I am chaining scenes at an unbelievable pace. I'm training to add "sequels", but I'm still rushing in... I wish I could expose more.

>>18812231
>How to write dialogue that doesn't sound autistic and stilted?
I don't quite understand why someone might not want to do that; avoid writing stilted dialogue anyway. Seems like some of the most beautiful prose written thus far would be seen as stilted now since the world by contrast has become so casual. Even something from the 19th century, especially from then.

What do people like more? Worldbuilding slow and steady storytelling or interactions, talk between the characters?
I heavily prefer the later, but I got compliments that my pacing is too quick.

>>18814989
I like when writers appropriately use both. Constant worldbuilding is boring and endless dialogue is mindnumbing, too. It depends entirely on genre, too. Romance should have more dialogue. Fantasy should have more worldbuilding. I've always liked the way Robert Jordan paces his chapters. They start out slow, with lots of description, then speed up and up and up with dialogue and character interactions. Eventually you reach a climax and often, a small twist or reveal. Each chapter feels written like an episode of TV or anime and often have a cliffhanger ending, yet are still satisfying. Is it formulaic? Yes. Again, it depends entirely on genre. I suppose romance could work this way. It's all sexual intercourse, in a way. The question is: do you blow your load or leave the reader with blue balls?

>>18812922
>he doesn't know
OH NO NO NO

>>18811602
basic worldbuilding and outlines are okay, but they're not actually writing. they're just not. its the difference between having a shopping list vs the actual cooked meal that you put on the table.
I wrote about 200k before starting to post it to royal road. It definitely gave me a huge buffer, but that's needed. Once you start posting on a schedule you're sort of locked in. Editing is not quick and easy - some chapters can be, sure - but I've already added 3 chapters to the middle of the story because they needed to be added, ie splitting 1 chapter into 2 or turning what was a single paragraph into an entire chapter.
>a story that is designed for indefinite expansion
you should preplan blocks which you can then release on amazon as individual books. and then once you're done with a section you can take a break from posting, get a bit further ahead, and then resume.

I am writing about a wholesome waifu.

>>18815044
I'm writing fantasy with romance/smut so, yeah it's a hard choice. I shit you not I literally started writing, because I noticed people really underuse flawed, unorthodox characters, which I absolutely love to write. The worldbuilding is not that interesting for me, since if the setting is high fantasy, I know it'll be more or less the same stuff, but if you put a said flawed character there, that is what I want to read and write. I want to the reader to think: Yes, I'm reading your stuff because I want to know what this guy/girl will do next.

It seems like most people are on the exact opposite mindset as I'm.

>>18815174
I have about 2-3 novels worth of actual writing (~600k words across multiple iterations of the same story, did okay with test readers but never managed to get it published) under my belt so I do understand the difference between outlining and writing. I've just never worked on a story without a pre-set beginning-middle-end structure before and I often see those exact stories fucked up very badly.
The blocks thing sounds like a good idea and I've seen a few people do it. At the very least it puts a more reasonable upper limit on how far the story needs to go in outlining and building before writing starts.

BRAAAAP
I sighed and fell sober on my bench. The lemony pungent odor or whatever it was was a sign that my bowel worked and i still lived. My doctor said if the gas died, i would have only 24 hours to live. Thus it was, in my state of being, and there was no cure for it. If i didn’t braap, it was the clock ticking. 24 of hours of no gas and blip. A sudden death. One braap and the clock would reset.
I was solemn on my diet: everything that would give me gas was a go. Anything other a no go. This was my life until i met Catherine who was allergic to braaps.

>>18810014
Where did you get reviews?

>>18816123
>Braap - a novel
If handled carefully, this can be a bestseller. Be wary of sending more excerpts because of copycats.

I hate having original ideas I have no idea why anyone would want them, Fresh and new sure But no body is gonna read my werid shit, I hate, I wish i could write the same fucking tropes over and over But no my mind has to be original and new and fresh

I hate it,

What's the best way to deal with a time traveling side plot?

>>18817069
Where not your fucking blog.

>>18811027
I'd say option 2 is the least good as X gave advice not to go, then goes himself and sees his advice justified. There's no shock or twist really because X already thought it was a bad place to go to

1 sounds a bit generic and, again, misses a type of shock because X gave the advice not to go, then the friend goes and something bad happened, like X predicted, hence the advice he gave

3 is the most interesting in my opinion, but perhaps you could combine them
Have X give advice not to go. Friend goes anyway. Friend tells X that it was fine and he's not worried, but gives secret hints (blinking morse code maybe) that he is in danger and feels unsafe, or as if he's being followed. Next day, friend disappears.

Any interest in a general thread for finding pen pals either for mutual writing critique or long-form book discussion?

>>18817102
No

>>18812231
loophole: have all your characters be autists

>>18817088
Don't include it.

>>18817102
Yes

>>18817474
But I want to...

How do I learn to write beautifully with lots of imagery and good flow? What’s some lit I can read to influence my writing in that direction?

>>18818510
Amanda McKittrick Ros

>>18818510
like this. ahem:
beep beep beep.... all around me the cars honked they horns. uh i hate traffic jams, i thought. i should actually say i felt. i felt i hate traffic jams. anyways... on my pants there was lots of clumps and grains of sugar from the jam donut i just got done eating. small jam stains already soaked into my jeans but i's all good. on the sides of my thighs i wiped off the sugar stuck to my fingers so basically my legs be covered in small amounts of sugar here and there with a few wet jam spots. clean enough to keep driving. honkity honk honk, said tha carz around me.
im gonna be late for my meeting with mi5 noooo, i thought. i pressed the rocket booster button and i flew, i mean my car lifted off with them rocket boosters into tha air. then i flew over to the place at mi5, parked tha car, and headed to the meeting. the end.

like that, see how i was all flowy and amazing at writing that shit? try to do like that.

>>18818554
I don't get it

>>18818600
what do you mean, what i wrote was a masterpiece.

>>18818612
Why isn't it properly capitalized?

brap, and splat. the sounds i heard all day every day while working at the sumo toilet had returned. i had just lay my head down on the straw pillow when little pieces of diarrhea sprayed onto the side of my face. brap - i quickly sat up and ducked below the cardboard bedframe to avoid the splat. splat, poo splashed onto the straw pillow.
>>18818626
i wrote another, see above. it's not capitalised because i'm breaking writing conventions and being more original than anyone ever thought possible.

>>18818635
>brap, and splat.
You're just ripping off Joyce

>>18809970
sariel and okkan, how about you use normal names instead of wanting to be a different little fag author

>>18818639
i have no idea about that, i just made that up on the spot. i know it's so good it's hard to believe butit's true. i was thinking, if it's similar to anything it's like 'swish and flick' but the 4chan version.

>>18812884
>>18817099
Thanks, Option 1 and 3 were my favorite to begin with but decided to go with the first because it works better with the rest of the story and overall concept.

Tho the second anon advice is pretty good, I might use it but in slightly different way.

>>18809970
WAGMI

>>18811480
I'm back to 135k. Could I truly be done this week? I'm going to procrastinate to ward off the inevitable editing phase.
What do you even do when your manuscript is done?

I will now start my daily 2k, hope you lot get some decent writing done today as well!

>>18808671
Should you do worldbuilding before writing, or writing before worldbuilding?

>>18820764
How about you just tucking write.

>>18808671
I have a fictional race that faces discrimination in universe, but I don't want to talk about racism.

Should I just throw this fictional race out of the story?

>>18820764
You world build BY writing.

>>18820764
Whatever suits you, personally I do a bit of both while also making some filler as I go.

>>18820782
No, just ignore the topic as a whole or, if you have a character from that species, have them be apathetic to it. Otherwise, just write about the issues they face, you can only avoid something so much.

>>18815185
Nice :)

>read a fantastic plot-focused book with zero fat
>think to myself this is fantastic, this is what my next story will be like
>spend a year writing a laser-focused plot where almost everything serves the plot and themes
>really happy with it

>recently pick up a series with a good plot but fantastic worldbuilding and lore
>fall in love with how open ended and full of potential everything is
>lose all motivation to finish my plot story
>get the urge to add fat to it

>>18820782
>I have a fictional race that faces discrimination in universe, but I don't want to talk about racism.
Then why make them? Either talk about it or removed them.

>>18820930
>plot-focus
>worldbuilding and lore
Both appear to be lacking the actually important thing, which is characters.

>>18820909
It is, especially how down-the-gutter the story tends to get before this point. So now I get to have some fun with a character who I am making sure is almost like Superman/Clark Kent in that they are just consistently an optimistic individual for the most part.

How do I write natural sounding dialogue? I cannot tell if a line I write is cheesy or cool. And I write teen girl dialogue like they're 1800s gentlemen... Fuck.

>>18809970
>I've written five times this and barely finished a single novel
Fuck

I'm trying to write a scene where a character gets inspired to do something. Originally, they were inspired by a speech by a famous role model before a big event. But editor had me cut that character because they were sort of unnecessary. So I'm having trouble coming up with a way for my Mai character to have a scene where they become inspired to do the thing that sets off the main series of events.

>>18821065
>How do I write natural sounding dialogue?
Listen to people talk or talk to people offline.

>>18821077
>But editor had me cut that character because they were sort of unnecessary.
Sounds like the editor doesn't know what they are doing if they are carving apart a direct piece of character development.

>>18821106
It was more like the main character had two role models which felt a bit weird. The other one was dead so I couldn't use them. And can't bring them back for story purposes.

>>18811416
>>18811309
I could tell right away that you were imitating Tolstoy, because I'm in the process of loosely doing the same with my short story. But I think yours fall short because you give too much detail that isn't necessary to the scene, like the cow and some of the swordsman's movements.

In Tolstoy's you can see how every action has an intent and helps build the suspense of Dolokhov drinking the bottle and standing up on the windowsill, which to Pierre is a terrifying feat. But in your exercise the guy takes forever to start the combat and swing the sword, which should be a quicker action, even if everyone is just as scared. Consider the difference: in Tolstoy's scene, you're looking through Pierre's eyes, but he's just watching and that's why the scene takes forever. Here we should be more focused on the swordsmen and their adrenaline-fueled combat, instead of watching through the unnamed peasant's eyes.
Tolstoy has some cool combat scenes too. Maybe try copying from Pierre's duel.

Just my 2 cents.

>>18820571
I have finished my daily 2k and I am happy.

>>18818635
This great man just penned the Dune of shidding

/wg/ seems to be missing the regulars, at least that self-publisher hating dude is back on his meds

>>18821549
Best I can do is repost the pasta.

Yes, I'm done now. I was never going to become the next Faulkner, the next Nabokov or the next Joyce, but I hid behind the language barrier to avoid criticism for months, maintaining an illusion that was fun to live in while it lasted. I had thought my country's education system to be topmost in the world, but this turned out to be utter bollocks. A child of 18, a person ten years my junior, has a greater vocabulary than I, who had to look up the word “topiary”, and no one likes the expression theory of art anymore, I am likened to a long lost dinosaur.
This will be my final post on /lit/. I've been humiliated and exposed as a fraud. My writing is pretentious, infantile, banal drivel. My observations are dull, my language grade school level. My tenses are mixed up; I use colloquialisms, ellipses and onomatopoeia. I mix tired and trite idioms together to obfuscate their unoriginality with a veneer of irony; I have continued to recite ornate Jewish chimpanzee parables with diminishing returns. The parable seemed very clearly to me to be asking me whether or not the now-grown-adult can choose. I say yes, of course, but that's not my issue.
I was never cut out for writing. I began writing my "book" on January 6th. Since then I've produced 135 thousand words for it. These words are a tide of garbage without value, without insight, without form. The themes of time, space, infinity, memory and pointless duelling are not present in my work. It was never real writing, it was anime and weebshit!
Story arcs, character arcs, narrative arcs, these are all outdated terms. You say what you hear, and only the anime fandom uses the term “arc” anymore. I am a toad! Look how many words I wrote, because apparently literature is bodybuilding and just aimlessly typing will somehow improve my writing. My appetites grew as I wrote, I set a goal of a 100 thousand words when I began, only for the cancerous growth to demand a 137 thousand words soon enough to be completed, and still I don't even know what genre it is that I'm writing. Is it autofiction? A comedy? A picaresque? Am I merely shitposting edgelord-triggering diarrhea in neo-emo gothic revivalist gestalt?
Regardless, I have failed, and even in my failure I have merely imitated how people who think they write well but write poorly write, and I couldn't even do that well. "Oh I can do that anytime if I wanted to" I thought, but no. I have put down my pen. Never again will my fingers click-clack across the keyboard. No more outlines, no more characters. Goodbye. I will take my own advice and go to the rope. Why live if you can't be a great writer, or even a passable one? And why write at all, anyway, if no one is reading anymore and Harold Bloom isn't around to insert us into the Canon? Learn from me! Learn from me!

>>18821564
Nobody is publishing anything around here, sad

>>18821574
I will endeavor to get my army novel published anon.

I have my entire book envisioned in a rudimentary outline. I only seem to write good prose when reading other authors soon before. What should I do? Write purple prose? I can do it, and it is impressive to myself, but I feel it is not conducive to the story to write like that all the time. What I need is a general tone to keep in mind, that will be throughout the whole book. Do you folks share your story ideas, or just talk about what needs fixing, here? I tend to avoid general threads.

>>18821607
Talk about either, we're not picky.

>>18821618
How do you find a unique voice that isn’t pedantic? I want to write in the first person.

>>18821574
Going to be years before I attempt anything.

>>18821649
first person is almost always agonizing

>>18821649
you just write. you'll figure out the voice of the narrator while doing so. hopefully sooner rather than later. then you fix up your first couple chapters when your draft is done

>>18821714
I think I will read Notes from the Underground, I think that is first person. I definitely might go another rout. I want to share my idea with someone but I don't want it shit on yet, it's very rudimentary. maybe I will, in a new post, I will link it here, it is a unique idea, so maybe I shouldn't. JFC it's so hard to trust people on this site to not be jerks or plagiarists.

>>18821742
you sound like a bitch

>>18821742
>notes from underground
so your mc is just a misanthrope? I mean, sure, you do you, but if that's how your mc is you don't need to (re)read something like that. What you really need to figure out is characters motivations and why s/he even gets up in the morning. Not parrot some, well written granted, 19th century story.

>>18820764
What the other anon said: world build as you write. Make it up as you go along but keep it consistent.

>>18812890
i like it

>>18821780
I'm a sensitive artist.

>>18821844
>sensitive artist
goddamn you are a bitch
Here are some questions to help you construct a character:
What does your MC do for work? ie how do they even keep a roof over their head.
What is your MC's immediate goal as of right now when you start the story?
What is your MC's general longer term goal?
If your answer to any of these questions is: I dunno my MC just exists. That's a boring mc. No one wants to read that story unless its just you repeatedly metaphorically kicking the mc around so they get their act together

>>18821878
Fuck off to a STEM thread, omg you are retarded

>>18821844
ngmi attitude. either take pride in your work and know that not everyone will get it or appreciate it or don't even bother.

>>18821892
Stop being such a bitch

>>18821892
>t. never constructed a realistic character in his life
tropes like horndog retard and cute anime gril aren't real archetypes, despite the over prevalence of them in your chinese cartoons

>>18821893
I’m going to write it I’m just deciding whether I trust people itt. Fucking your characters job lmao

>>18808671
As I get closer to finishing my book, the more afraid I am of doing so. It's my first full-length written work, I plan on making two more books after it and the first draft is about 65k words.

My biggest problem is I'm terrified to finish it. Mainly because when I put it out there, I already know that chances are it's not gonna get trad published, and if I self-published chances are it would go completely unnoticed.

I don't want extreme success, I just want it to be well like and received enough that maybe I could write as a part-time money boost or something.

>>18821695
I prefer 1stPer desu, let's me characterise the characters more.

>>18821905
>your characters job
student is a job. sure it doesn't pay, but it describes what your character does. if your character cannot realistically exist then your character has no motivations to motivate them to do anything. retard.

>>18821908
65k is not long enough for a first published work, you need to be around 80k-100k depending on genre.

Just finish it and send out a million queries, worst case you get a lot of rejections maybe you get some advice, best case you get trad published. If that does not pan out self-pub and spend some time marketing it and get some traction. If that happens it will be much easier to get future work pubbed

>>18821938
Duh. You get that? Imbecile. A big “duh.”

Is there any market for a collection of flash fiction? 1-3 page stories. Should I even bother? They are thematically coherent and some share characters.

>>18821957
the imbecile I'm talking to wants to reread notes from the underground in order to learn how to do a first person perspective. when, in reality, he needs to get back to basics.

>>18821974
no. I want to learn how to construct a tone. You want me to worry about something basic, because you are basic bitch. I already outlined the book, idiot. Just stop posting.

>>18821983
>I want to learn how to construct a tone
>I already outlined the book
Its a 1st person perspective. Your tone directly 100% relates to your MC's characteristics and motivations. You fucking nimrod. If you don't know what your MC is like you simply cannot plagiarize a long dead russian novelist. But, then again, you already outlined the book, so you know your MC's goals. Right? You should.

>>18822007
100 percent does not, just stop posting. tone implies mood. I'm arguing with a brainlet. I'm out.

>>18821949
Don't listen to this guy. 65k is more than enough. Trad publishers start to turn you away the closer you get to 100k words

>>18822019
1st. Person. Perspective. Mood is based entirely 100% on your MC's frame of mind. You dumbfuck.

>>18822036
wtf are you talking about? The average adult fiction novel is 90k words, the average YA fiction is 55k, genre fiction is usually 100-120k. The ideal length for anything is very wide but usually falls between 90-100k.

Working on an outline for a story about the owner of an aging, forgotten family restaurant long past it's prime. The main plot follows the final week of the restaurants operations and MC's search for a lost old binder of recipes from his grand father. It's a rumination on heritage and the how rare the tangibles are which extend from it. Specifically how food/cooking can transcend time and connect us to our ancestors/family members in a distinctly personal way, beyond what writing, pictures, videos, anything else can. I have an idea to intersperse the story with isolated chapters which time jump through the history of the restaurant.

I'm wondering if showing these direct moments in the MC's memory would deflate the weight of the ruminations of the "main plot" itself, undercutting the intangibility of memory by directly playing out this episodes from his past.

Good heavens, gentlemen, what sort of free will is left when we come to tabulation and arithmetic, when it will all be a case of twice two make four? Twice two makes four without my will. As if free will meant that!

Gentlemen, I am joking, and I know myself that my jokes are not brilliant, but you know one can take everything as a joke. I am, perhaps, jesting against the grain. Gentlemen, I am tormented by questions; answer them for me. You, for instance, want to cure men of their old habits and reform their will in accordance with science and good sense. But how do you know, not only that it is possible, but also that it is DESIRABLE to reform man in that way? And what leads you to the conclusion that man's inclinations NEED reforming? In short, how do you know that such a reformation will be a benefit to man? And to go to the root of the matter, why are you so positively convinced that not to act against his real normal interests guaranteed by the conclusions of reason and arithmetic is certainly always advantageous for man and must always be a law for mankind? So far, you know, this is only your supposition. It may be the law of logic, but not the law of humanity. You think, gentlemen, perhaps that I am mad? Allow me to defend myself. I agree that man is pre-eminently a creative animal, predestined to strive consciously for an object and to engage in engineering--that is, incessantly and eternally to make new roads, WHEREVER THEY MAY LEAD.

But the reason why he wants sometimes to go off at a tangent may just be that he is PREDESTINED to make the road, and perhaps, too, that however stupid the "direct" practical man may be, the thought sometimes will occur to him that the road almost always does lead SOMEWHERE, and that the destination it leads to is less important than the process of making it, and that the chief thing is to save the well-conducted child from despising engineering, and so giving way to the fatal idleness, which, as we all know, is the mother of all the vices. Man likes to make roads and to create, that is a fact beyond dispute. But why has he such a passionate love for destruction and chaos also? Tell me that! But on that point I want to say a couple of words myself. May it not be that he loves chaos and destruction (there can be no disputing that he does sometimes love it) because he is instinctively afraid of attaining his object and completing the edifice he is constructing? Who knows, perhaps he only loves that edifice from a distance, and is by no means in love with it at close quarters; perhaps he only loves building it and does not want to live in it, but will leave it, when completed, for the use of LES ANIMAUX DOMESTIQUES--such as the ants, the sheep, and so on. Now the ants have quite a different taste. They have a marvellous edifice of that pattern which endures for ever--the ant-heap.

>>18814379
>I hope you don't like ac
>so good luck
Sounds too snarky. Still interesting info I'd just rephrase it
>in the first twenty minutes someone will ask where you're going
Too specific. Maybe just say it's a friendly place and someone should soon offer a ride or something
>fucked
Personal preference. I don't enjoy random cursing.

I don't know the overall tone or what you're going for but that's the criticism that comes to me. I liked it and thought it was interesting though still. Must have been quite a trip.

>>18822151
Shit writing.

>>18821143
>give too much detail that isn't necessary to the scene, like the cow and some of the swordsman's movements.
this is a good point. and probably something fixed by revision.

>to start the combat and swing the sword, which should be a quicker action, even if everyone is just as scared.
>Here we should be more focused on the swordsmen and their adrenaline-fueled combat,
i don't agree with this though. the point is to emulate the suspense and apply it to the moment before the stroke, similar to the showdowns in old samurai films--it's done poorly because of the random, unfocused imagery as you pointed out, but the intent isn't excitation. that would require using a different scene as a template, as you also pointed out.

I’m having huge hiccups moving from writing third person to writing first person. It’s almost like a new game. Any protips?

>>18822338
Yeah, just write.

> sit down to write
> can’t think of anything

>>18822610
Write notes down, use this time to think before writing or hold off on writing until an idea comes.

>>18818644
how about you suck my dick

>look up writing boards, forums
>most questions are completely retarded or written by people who haven't read a book in their life
>some guy writes 400 words of questions how to start a story, structure, outline, what to exactly do
Bro just fucking write and read it's literally that easy
99% questions about writing can be answered with go read and write you fucking retard

>>18823340
That's how it will always be, anon, and why people say "simply finishing your work" puts you ahead of 99% of people.

any alternatives to pastebin? i was going to share my draft to my graphic novel but pastebin blocked it for pretty much no reason saying it was NSFW.

>>18823340
So no different than /wg/?

>>18823504
There's ghostbin and some other varients of that site I guess.

>>18823504
Since when does Pastebin not allow NSFW?

>>18823532
tyty
>>18823534
like 8 months ago they rolled out some bs that privates anything under their stupid harsh bots that look for NSFW. it took down things that were just code even, saying unintelligable slashes and functions were NSFW phrases.

>>18823340
>most questions are completely retarded or written by people who haven't read a book in their life
Maybe I'm just a narcissist but I find it really reassuring whenever I see people like this. I was reading a story ironically the other day and the author casually noted that they don't read at all because they think reading is boring and the fact someone like that can have their stuff considered "well written" made me realise I'm probably way more ahead than I think I am. Or maybe this is faulty thinking because it makes me lower my own standards. I dunno I'm just blogging at this point.

>>18820930
>urge to add fat
How did I stumble into the /fph/ thread?

i wrote a screenplay draft for my graphic novel. i would like some feed back if anyone has the time to read it.

a mostly silent protaginist on a deserted island with his companion in a coma left to survive against nature and androids based on plato's alegory of the cave.

its shorter than a movie script, typically 90-120 pages, mine is around 40 pages.

if the link is dead i think ghostbin only lets links be useable for a couple days

https://ghostbin.com/paste/QvclR

Currently searching for inspiration. What do you anons do to find it? I've come to the conclusion that my sporadic, obsessive bursts of writing are the only way I write good, and that requires inspiration.

>>18823698
Don't think you're going to get much feedback on that graphic novel. Normal prose barely gets noticed here, your "text descriptions of a comic strip that I'm going to draw" is meaningless to us.

>>18823734
ive had feedback in the past from my other screenplay drafts, im not describing pages really, the way its written is to make the scene clear for someone to create the page around or to get a clear idea of what is happening, same as a movie or TV script.

as for your inspiration question, the way youre currently going about it, compiling your bursts of creativity, is no different from many developed writers. you cant force inspiration but inspiration alone wont get you very far. its your brains inate problem solving working in the background that gives you your amazing ideas. you need to get into the habit of writing without inspiration, or solving the problems intuitivly that your inspired mind left for you to toil over. its 1 part unconcious problem making, and 2 parts concious problem solving.
thats for accounting for the "high" inspiration gives you. if you need inspired reference to pull from, like styles and ideas that inspire you or allow you to create from a base, its best to go back to the form of media that originally inspired you to develop your artistic skill in the beginning, something recent you enjoyed, and find something new. youll get all flavors of enjoyment from those medias to help your brain problem solve your imagination. personally, since im making a graphic novel and not primarily written word, i have many pinterest boards compiled of different inspirations like clothing, buildings, hair styles, and nature to build my visual library to aid my eratic bursts of inspiration so i can pull from memory much easier to build with it instead of searching for answers and physical picture reference to just learn how to draw it for the first time. you can do the same with writing, looking at the way they use language in books, or how they compiled their own inspirations to build up their chapters.
thats activly fueling inspiration, but it doesnt always work. youre not forcing it, but it creates an invironment your brain will enjoy to imagine inside of. you can drought your brain of inspiration and it will work the same way. putting yourself in a very boring situation without any stimulation could let you day dream with better unconcious focus. again, dont force yourself to think, just put yourself in a healthy mindset to let your mind wander from idea to idea, like meditation.

Joe moved his chair close to the window separating the kitchen from the corner where a small table hosted simple, mostly flavorless, meals. The blinds stacked high near the frame, allowing Joe to open the window as far as possible. Gray clouds washed over milky overcast and a constant, albeit caressing, breeze blew humid air into the squat apartment. Holding a double shot glass in one hand, Joe wiped his brow with the opposite forearm. His half-lidded eyes wandered among the clouds and blinked slowly as a cool pain simmered from his heart. Joe surfaced from the clouds only to examine the amber fluid in his glass, swirling it only to watch how it clung to the sides. He brought the glass to his mouth, pouring it slowly into his mouth until empty. He did not wince until the alcohol traveled down his throat, leaving a peppery cinnamon burn as a parting kiss. Joe blinked hard then returned to the sights of the outdoors. He leaned against the frame of the window, nose grazing the screen, and dreamt of an earlier time.

>>18823734
Anime, music, manga, other forms of media in general. Reading other literature too of coures. even just being out of the house in the wagie helps.

>>18823808
Ah, well I'm not really the kind of person to read that but good luck with the feedback. Respect for having the dedication to finish that rough draft.

As for your response to my question, I'm just no writer without inspiration. My problem is that I find a decent idea, write a bit, then realize I'm not really feeling this one. Over and over again - and I'm not sure the strategy of "just keep writing" works for me. My work becomes much worse when I'm not feeling it.
I should probably compile the works that have inspired me in the past though, good idea.

>>18823815
>window separating the kitchen from the corner
I had to reread this and I'm still not sure I interpreted it right.
Overall not bad, fine use of vocabulary and imagery but my biggest gripe is that the sentence structure is so monotonous. This happened. That happened. This happened. That happened.
Also, the topic is boring. Nobody wants to read about a man having a drink for 200 words. This happened. That happened - yeah I get it, I don't fucking care.

>>18823869
An*me

>>18823884

Kitchen and dining area have a window on the wall in between them. The implication is it's an open-concept apartment.

I was also trying to show, not tell, the mood and setting.

>>18823914
That's what I figured, but it's awkwardly worded.
You did fine with showing-not-telling. Work on sentence structure though. Literally every sentence except one began with some variation of "(Subject) did (verb)", and in every sentence except two the subject was Joe or a pronoun referring to Joe.
>Joe moved his chair, The blinds stacked high, Gray clouds washed over milky overcast, His half-lidded eyes wandered, Joe surfaced from the clouds, He brought the glass to his mouth, He did not wince, Joe blinked hard, He leaned against the frame

One exception was
>Holding a double shot glass in one hand, Joe wiped his brow
But you just added a gerund before the pattern here, which is better I guess.

>>18823884
if you go on youtube and look at how to work without inspiration, they can probably phrase it better than i have. the general idea is that youre not going to be inspired enough to tackle the more difficult problems in your writing. you even said that once your inspiration leaves you after writing an idea that you enjoyed youd rather stop. thats not healthy for you or your writing. youre not on a path to finish your ideas fully.
youll eventually have to write less riviting scenes between your spectacular climaxes in each chapter, or underwhelming segments compared to the upcoming pay off, and your inspiration will not be helping you there.

when writing my draft there, my inspiration was only present for 1/10th of it. i wrote about 1000 words as an outline in only an hour, just setting up story beats and explaining the themes. the other 9000 words were me fleshing it out, toiling away like a 9-5 job. active problemsolving. and even though i put my brain through concious and non concious hell trying to pull all the strings together and make sure i hit the beats i enjoyed, i enjoyed writing without the inspirational high i had 8+ months and 3 drafts ago.

inspiration is a high that fogs your real problem solving. icecream cake sounds like a good idea, but its just another form of diabeties waiting to happen. keep writing what you enjoy and dont feed the addiction of an inspiration high or youll crash and burn when you really want to finish a project. i have 33+ pages of one paragraph ideas just waiting for me to continue them, but they only came out of that inspiration high. its good to write every idea you get, but dont humor the high past brainstorming.

>>18823940
You're right, but I still hate it.
Do you have any video recommendations?

>>18823947
not on hand, at least not what is most relevant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ktvPwE0pdA&t

this one will help a bit, but the best you can do is do your own research knowing that you have a problem to solve in your work process.

all the life problems a mathmetician could have may be answered once seeing a beautiful set of fractals, but would make no since to a 6th grader sleeping through division. you need to look for answers that respond to you.

in a way though, doing this problem solving isnt very different from the work process of problem solving your writings. you need to work out the muscle for writing.

the only tip i can give past that is to just write somethign even if its bad, then fix it, and fix it again. think of it like watching the recent starwars movies and knowing you can do better. you already have a base to work from, you can move things around all you want, add and take things away, untill its better than where you started.

>>18823937

>Literally every sentence except one
>and in every sentence except two
Approached it too much from a roleplay writing perspective. I've got to break out of this mindset

>>18824008
Don't feel bad about it, your imagery was good (although a bit cliched - I've heard the phrase "amber liquid" to describe alcohol so many fucking times). Way easier to fix sentence structure than lack of prose creativity. So long as you keep looking to improve I believe you have some potential, unlike other people in this general. I usually don't bother replying to people who write like high schoolers.

>>18823992
It sure does sound simple when you put it that way, but I feel my emotions and motivation are a lot more complicated than that to be helped in conventional manners (not to sound like an emo teen). But gotta try everything, I guess. Thanks for replying.

>>18824024
ofc ofc. we were all and still are in a way in the place youre at now. its mostly natural. keep working at it.

Who is still in editing?

>>18824234
Seek help

>>18823884
>An*me
Jesus Christ, just type anime without the asterisk you fucking fag.

>>18824256
Wow that was fast!
>inb4 samefagging

>>18824266
Seek help

>>18824296
I did, I got ripped into for very valid reasons on /wg/ and I realized my tenses switch so rapidly. I hadn't even thought about it. All I have been doing is a pure dump of my hallucinations into a story. Hope you enjoy it once I launch!

Been thinking about Sept 11th for an official launch...

>>18810453
That's something my English professor taught me and it's by far the best editing trick I've learnt. It might take longer than simply reading it, but I promise you'll catch more issues.

>>18822854
Lately, I seem to only be able to come up with very immature stuff, don’t have much interest in writing it. Don’t know what’s wrong with my brain these days.

>>18814379
I liked it. My only complaint is that the transition from "This will wreck your heart" to "Welcome to the fifth stage of grief" is off-putting, since the latter means you're over it. The first sentence sounds like the third stage. Maybe "Then you'll lose hope" would fit better.

>>18824469
*like the fourth stage. Depression.

>>18824234
yes and it sucks

>>18824746
Everyone posting here comes across so depressed

>>18824940
That's because editing is terrible, it means taking a hatchet to your baby and cutting, cutting, cutting!

>>18824940
you have to be depressed to write

Should I start with shorter stories and then try the thing I have in mind or just go balls deep with this idea?

>>18824985
Sure? Write what you want to read.

>>18824985
>a or b
>sure

So if I just write a book I'll be able to escape my wagiedom, r-right?

>>18825049
Try crypto if you know how to read hype. It's really easy to flip coins if you do.

>>18825049
No, you'll just be writing for a living instead and the editor will be your boss.

>>18824948
I always end up adding, on balance, while editing. But I'm naturally an underwriter during drafting.

Has anyone had experience writing letters for parole release from prison? What authors should I read for inspiration?

>>18824961
I don't agree, but having felt depression definitely extends your range of emotional tolerance

>want to write an erotic novella
>4,000 words later, I'm still just setting up characters and nothing remotely lewd has happened

What is wrong with me??

>>18825672
do a cold open with erotic set ups and give a taste of what is to come, hint to charcterizationduring it. set up characters and build up to emotional pay off with erotic catharsis later in the story.

think of it like how traded punches in a fight during a movie can show a theme and tell a story as well as being a cool visual to enjoy. like a character showing weakness becuase he hasnt accepted the theme of the story, and once he does he gets a sudden advantage in the fight.
your erotic plans can support the narritive and your "climax" can be a double entendre

>>18825672
You've accidentally defeated the coom menace. Keep it up, anon.

>find a based title from a line in a play I just read
>check goodreads
>it hasn’t been taken
>ecstatic
Time to work now, boys.

>>18825200
whats your story anon and also seconding this.

>>18825714
Post it so I can steal it

>>18825696
kek

>>18811336
GOOD writers

>>18824380
Then write it, get the thoughts out of your head or power through with what you want to focus on. It is how I was able to get through several phases of me wanting to write something else like this time I had the idea to do a story based on a 4chin post I read where it explained how Western business man tricked native Africans into thinking they were gods by giving them incorrectly loaded guns and sneaking ammo in later.

As for me, I will write 3k today, more than my usual 2k as Friday I have work so I won't have time to do 2k then.

>>18824348
Microsoft Word 2019 has an AI read out loud voice. I use it to read my writings back out to me

>>18827259
>As for me, I will write 3k today
I have written 3k, from 4073 to 7073 words. I am happy with how it has gone.

Sent my manuscript to a local publisher, and on the website you can see the status of your submission. Been a month, and I can see they still haven't even opened it.

>>18827688
Patience, fren, I may have not sent anything in, but I know the pain of waiting long times for simple replies thanks to the Hell that is apprenticeship applications.

Just stay positive but prepared just in case. Try to get as much useful information from it as possible.

>finish a novel draft
>am suddenly struck with what feels like divine inspiration for something to make
>have been spending all of my free time building it for ~5 months
>novel draft unedited, unsubmitted
I wrote 60k words for nothing, but I feel like I've found my purpose in life, so at least that's something, I guess.

>>18827688
>>18827697
Is it okay to send it to multiple places at the same time or is that bad form?

>>18827734
I prefer to send things in one at a time just in case, but, if you get accepted for multiple then you can play that to your advantage as you get to do a little Darth Vader and "alter the deal."

Hey guys, I applied your comments to the draft of my travel memoir I posted earlier. This is a short segment about a series of border crossings, and some observations made along the way.

Is this any better than the entirely 2nd person version I posted earlier?

(1/2)

>>18827810

(2/2)

>>18812231
>>18821065
Just leave it. It makes your writing more unique if your characters talk in a certain way instead of generic and realistic.

I have reached 136 thousand words. I will NOT be able to finish this in the projected 137 thousand I had calculated it would take. I still have two chapters that need to be finished. I might end up somewhere around 140k or (hopefully) a little less.
This is sickening. No one will publish a book this long from some nobody. I have no restraint. After I wrap up the narrative I'll need to cut a chapter's worth of material from the body of the text.
Sad.

>Be me
>decide to write first book
>start diligently typing away
>think 'good job anon, a hobby you finally enjoy'
>pass 30k words
>stop writing
>Start eating like shit
>no exercise
>guessnot.mp4
>motivated to write again
>typed 3k words last night
>feelsgoodman.jpg

Hopefully I'm back anons

>>18827949
Are you me?

>>18827688
You need to be LGBT, black, a refugee, or a woman to get noticed

>>18827987
I could be. Maybe a clone? Don't forget to write tonight anon

>>18827994
Spoken like a true ngmi

>>18827994
is it possible to use pen name to hide your identity when submitting stuff to publisher?

>>18828059
You can! There is even a name for it! Pseudonym

>>18828092
so you can pretend to be some african american trans lesbian but be something completely else?

>>18828106
Sure why not! You don't have the maturity level to publish anyway so you're already in ngmi land

>>18828194
Go jerk off to your waifu and cry in /a/ about how nobody likes anime OP pics you spastic.

>>18828199
Wtf are you even talking about?

>>18810597
You could cut at least half the words in this. It would make it more readable (less effort to get through each sentence) and also add clarity. (Are we supposed to know why he can't see the sun?)

It's easy to feel like every word is useful to the story early on, but learning how to be savage with your cutting is critical to going from mediocre -> good. Start with adverbs. If it ends in "ly" there's a good chance you can get rid of it. You've got a bunch of adjectives that can go too. For example, you don't need the word "terrible" before "horror", right? What horror isn't terrible?

Also, you have a habit of writing in these pairs- "I was this and that, it was such and such..." There are occasions that warrant this but for the most I think you should just pick one. "The world becomes blurry." or "The world becomes indistinct." is stronger than the redundant "The world becomes blurry and indistinct."

Actually, I just noticed in that last sentence, you're writing in what editors call "passive voice." Look up what that means if you're not familiar. You can make the sentence shorter and livelier by writing in active voice. "The world blurs."

You have the imagination and passion for writing. You'd benefit from reading a book on editing. Elements of Style by Strunk and White and On Writing by Stephen King are the popular starting points.

>>18827823
>just never improve bro

>>18827994
It is discouraging seeing all the publishers with "Especially interested in representing minority voices" and all that. But if you are going to get published there's nothing you can do but submit regardless. Whether they want a minority to parade around or not, the most successful genre-fiction authors are straight white males. At the end of the day quality is what they need to sell actual numbers. If my manuscript would only have gotten accepted because I'm a gay trans pedophile, then it wasn't actually any good. If it gets rejected then I've just got to improve, and keep trying.

>>18820782
Why don't you wanna talk about racism when you're making it part of your world?

My book seems boring. Chapters filled with information about the protagonist's life and descriptions. People don't like things like this, right?

>>18821065
>And I write teen girl dialogue like they're 1800s gentlemen...
Same. It's funny because I can write good dialogues, I am good at screenplays, but in novels it feels more right to write 1800s dialogues no matter what. Longer, more succulent, you know?>

>>18829012
Is that what you like to read, about a protag's life and description? Is that something you would read? Are you writing something tha you want to read? If you shoved this book onto my chest an asked me if you liked, I'd rebuke if it's something that you liked writing and reading.

>>18829036
I like reading and writing autistic lives of mentally ill schizos, so yes. But it's more like the first part of the Notes from Underground. Would anyone read that today without getting filtered?

>>18829049
No idea, but so long as you write somethin that you'd want to read then nothing else matters right? But sugar-coating aside: I'm going to be completely frank with you: no, I sincerely doubt it will be marketable in any capacity whatsoever.

>>18821065
>>18829020
Just make your characters British, problem solved

Just started Chapter 16 with some heroic combat. Let me know what you guys think.

https://pastebin.com/j6NeEXen

>>18829414
>Black smoke from the altar fires behind me still rose up into the sky.
Stopped reading.

>>18829431
At least you tried

Hey, guys, just wanted to announce that the short story I presented to a local contest won second prize. I'm getting a plaque and 150€ as a reward. A lot of people here didn't like it very much when I shared it, and I agreed with them, but I'm still happy I won. Thanks for offering your feedback back when I showed it to you; it helped me improve it a little.

>>18829449
Congratulations and well done anon, the next attempt will be even better.

>>18829483
I hope so. This boost in confidence might have given me the courage to make an attempt at a novel.

>>18829449
good shit fren

What's the best way to practice my descriptive writing? I don't want to bog down my writing with pure descriptions 24/7 but I want to get really good at describing things for when I do describe something.

Somebody give me a writing prompt and I'll spit some mad shit.

>>18829558
>>18829583
Try Ai Dungeon

>>18829414
Think the rhythm of the intro is too choppy. Either split sentences into shorter bits or smooth them out. Works fine with the dialogue and action though, just feels like you entered that state of mind too soon. Or I guess, cacophony works well when it's preceded by harmony.

>>18829594
I just went on it. What exactly is the use of this? I'm typing shit in and I'm getting some semi-relevant responses.

>>18829597
Specifically the first paragraph or so?

>>18822610

stop consuming social media

sit down until you can think of something

it can takes hours

>>18829623
Writing prompts? Because that's what you asked for?

>>18825672

go to storiesonline

seek authors bluedragon and sam k

learn, get inspired

Give it to me straight. How ""subverted ur expectations"" would it be if during a hero's journey, after the inciting incident and the cast are at their lowest lows, the hero decides to fuck off and abandon the plot? Like instead of him pulling himself up from the boostraps or getting slapped around by his best friend reminding him of his resolve, he just utterly gives in and drops out. In a way that the story now shifts to the remaining cast and how they continue on without this linchpin?

>>18829652
yeah the first 3 or so. Gruff and choppy is fine but feels like you connected sentences that might be better off split. Or you should just jump immediately into the action if it's going to be that stop and go

>>18829687
Why the fuck would you do emotional buildup just for him to fuck off, this only makes sense if he fucks off and you continue following him but his story eventually leads back to what he abandoned

>>18829695
I hadn't written for about a month when I started again with this chapter, so hopefully rustiness is why it's like that and not an endemic flaw. I'll make sure I go over and revise that section.

>>18829687
you would have to do it right.
subverting expectations and just ruining your plot for shock value are not the same.

you would have to make a theme showing the MC doesnt belong or shouldnt be in that role throughout the story until the climax where he leaves for the better or worse, but you still need a thematic pay off or some sort of catharsis.
handing the reigns over to secondary cast usually alienates readers since they put their time and care into the main character, youd need to give equal focus to both the MC and secondary to make them equally as important.

>>18829708
despite what they say, it doesnt need to lead back to the abandond plot if you do it right.

one way you can do this is by making the "main conflict" underminded by the internal conflict of the group instead of banding together to stop the big bad guy or whatever the goal is. the story could easily continue past that to show the unesolved emotions of both the MC and the secondary cast.

Blood filled Nasir’s palm as he cupped his mouth. And the salty station air clenched his nose. While his attackers ran like raccoons back onto the street. He needed to call Raheem but his phone had been stolen. “Ayy man, are you alright?” an older voice asked, approaching from the benches. “Oh damn brotha, what happened to you?” it said, standing above him now, but he didn’t reply. The man pulled Nasir up off the ground and sat him right. “You need to go to the hospital man, this looks serious.” Their eyes met and Nasir almost cried in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, please don’t worry, I just—” the words fell like crumbs onto the empty floor. His voice was also battered. “Now hold on, lemme go into the bathroom and get a tissue or somethin’ to clean you up.” The man grabbed his shoulder for assurance and hobbled away.

Blood filled Nasir’s palm as he cupped his mouth. And the salty station air clenched his nose. While his attackers ran like raccoons back onto the cold street. He needed to call Raheem but his phone had been stolen. “Ayy man, are you alright?” an older voice asked, approaching from the benches. “Oh damn brotha, what happened to you?” it said, standing above him now, but he didn’t reply. The man pulled Nasir up off the ground and sat him right. “You need to go to the hospital man, this looks serious.” Their eyes met and Nasir almost cried in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, please don’t worry, I just—” the words fell like crumbs onto the empty floor. His voice was also battered. “Now hold on, lemme go to the bathroom and get a tissue or somethin’ to clean you up.” The man rubbed his shoulder and hobbled away.

>>18829708
>>18829737
I had in mind a story of mostly anti-heroes and wondered if it'd be interesting to see them descend down that path first hand instead of the usual flash-backs/reflective dialogues.
And so through a conventional hero's journey, if everyone recognizes there's an obstacle that can only be overcome through immoral means, the hero preserves his dignity by bowing out, and in his absence the others have to grapple with their much more nebulous sense of morality. Something along the lines of the hero believing 'the ends don't justify the means' and their presence only seeks to disrupt it further.
Or maybe the MC's a total bitch.
I may or may not have thought about this after rewatching Eva and remembering the train scene.

Chapter 43 released.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40361/erased
Keep on keeping on.