/lit/ - Literature

Welcome to /lit/. Now go read Call of the Crocodile, Moby Dick and &amp and report back.

>>18838131
You sure did, Waldun.

>>18838131
If you ever see some YouTube weirdo being shilled here just assume it's either that person or a dedicated group of discord autistics.

Anyone who complains about how boring people's lives are 100% of the time leads a boring life themselves. It is the most projecting thing in the world. I've never met someone who complained about how boring people's lives are who lived an interesting life themselves.

>>18838131
as fake as a four-dollar bill

>>18838131
Literally just forget he exists lmao.

>>18838244
It's easy to explain: people with interesting lives have interesting stuff to talk about. They'll mention their broken shower only to explain the benefits of cold showers on their health. Stay hard brother.

>>18838131
Arnie?

I simply do not trust Asians who try to become artists.

>>18838131
Have you read about his boring shower?
https://rcwaldun.com/blog/terminator-plumber

>The story started with a crack at the base of my shower. A week later, the crack widened, and paint around it started flaking off. So, on a Friday afternoon, I called 3 plumbing companies. None of them wanted to send anyone out and one of them went as far as trying to sell me a tube of silicon so I could fix it myself.

>After all that, I decided to use my last resource: Lisa at the real estate agency. Over the line always sounded like she was on the verge of strangling someone. “It’s four pm can’t you find a better time to call? Matt will come over next week and check it out for you. He’ll give you a call!” She hung up and over the following week, I received a text message from a certain Matt who promised to come and have a look at 9 am on a Thursday.

>For the record, I didn’t care for anything that happens before 11 am because sleeping when others were at work felt great. So, upon receiving the news that I had to get up at 9 am, I called my sister Ada:

>“Hey, do you want to come by and have lunch together on Thursday?”

>“That was out of the blue.” She said.

>“Well, let’s just catch up it’s been a while.”

>And of course, what I didn’t tell her was that even though she was great company, she was a greater alarm clock. Without fail, my intercom buzzed at 8 am on Thursday and I was forced to get up to buzz her in. I brewed some tea and sat her down before revealing her real purpose for the day. She wasn’t pleased.

>“Next time, just ask me to give you a call instead,” she shook her head, “you’re paying for lunch because this is on you.”

>We lounged around and waited for Matt to show up and fix the shower problem. But the only problem was that in the imagination of a plumber, 9 am was synonymous with 1 pm. And it was impossible to spend those in-between hours with ease. I couldn’t even go to the toilet without the looming fear of ending up with 40 missed calls on my phone and a grumpy plumber waiting in the lobby. Hence, we sensibly stayed in the apartment after lunch for 3 hours, and around 1 pm, the intercom finally buzzed.

>“Hey mate, sorry for being late.”

>I buzzed Matt in and he had a lost look about him. I rehearsed complaints and angry lines in my head over and over, but upon seeing that face, I couldn’t bring myself to yell at him. Instead, I nodded and directed him into the bathroom. Without even inspecting the crack closely, he said:

>>18838131
I just don't get what the fuck is wrong with his voice and intonation. He sounds like a gurgling shower drain choked with pubic hair and cum

>>18840252
absolutely based

>>18840381
This can’t be real

>>18838131
kek

>>18838131
can you link his shittiest video

>>18840381
PLEASE MAKE IT FUCKING STOP GOD PLEASE

>>18840381
A seminal work of cold, hard, raw Melbourne realism. Absolute and uncontestable masterpiece

>>18840612
>be litfag
>spend all your time reading or writing
>incredibly insular existence and even if you peer outside your norm it is corrupted by thinking about being able to adopt experiences into writing material
>spend your 20's writing without anything to say
>grow up and realize you don't have anything to say and that is why your wriitng although good technically accoridng to your studies lack soul
how many authors have realized this and written about being a failed author realistically

>>18840252
Yeah because there isn't an entire Asian country world famous for its many forms of art.

>>18838131
I find his friends more cringe. "Jay The Author" has such a blank stare--it's like he's 3 seconds behind knowing what's going on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1ZpAiw3vio

>>18840381
In every story he writes he tries so hard to be witty and it always falls flat

>>18840381
>We lounged around and waited for Matt to show up and fix the shower problem. But the only problem was that in the imagination of a plumber, 9 am was synonymous with 1 pm

>>18840569
>>18840604
>>18840612
>>18840926
>>18840937
>“Well … Mate. This is an emergency repair. What took you so long?”

>I tried so hard not to point out the irony in that question, but given that Ada was around and I didn’t want to sound like an ass, I nodded showed him the way out.

>“I’ll be back next week, eh?” He pulled out his phone and noted something down. “And oh! I live just down the street from you so anytime next week could work. But …” He paused.

>“What it is?” I crossed my arms. This time around I was on the verge of strangling someone.

>“You can’t shower for a few days because it’ll just …” He passed some air between his teeth that was meant to sound like running water. “Leak downstairs you know. But I’ll be back next week. You’ll be showering soon enough.”

>And then he walked out while whistling. I closed the door and looked at Ada. She shrugged and said: “Well, surely you don’t need to shower every single day.”

>***

>But for me, not showering daily was a crime so I had to find an alternative solution. I called Jay and asked if I could shower at his apartment, but after a test run, I decided against it. Though his place wasn’t that far from mine, carrying around a bath towel in the streets at 1 am every day with messy, damp hair was not my definition of convenience.

>After enduring those judgemental stares from my fellow Melburnians, I spotted my ultimate solution when I stopped at a traffic light. There was a 24hr gym below my apartment and I just happened to have a key card because a year ago, the gym coerced me into a permanent contract with them. For once, a mistake turned into a lifesaver, and over the following days, I became the “shower guy” at the gym and it would always go along the lines of:

>Receptionist: “Hey! Back at it again?”

>Me: “Sure.”

>Receptionist: “Did you have a good workout?”

>Me: “Just worked out how not to stink like a horse.”

>Receptionist: “You haven’t touched any of the equipment?”

>Me: “Does that mean you’ll charge me less for my membership?”

>Of course, he said no and this went on for nearly two weeks before Matt sent me another message.

>“Sorry, mate! I broke my leg last week and I was only back to work yesterday. Still have a cast on and everything would you mind if we come over tomorrow?”

>***

>>18840960
>over the following days, I became the “shower guy”
Nobody would give a fuck if you came in to the gym everyday for just a shower, and even if they did, they definitely wouldn't start caring in less than a week

>>18838131
He has NOTHING to say. Why doesn't he just off himself or something? This went from funny, to pathetic, to sad...

>>18840960
>>Receptionist: “Hey! Back at it again?”
>>Me: “Sure.”
>>Receptionist: “Did you have a good workout?”
>>Me: “Just worked out how not to stink like a horse.”
>>Receptionist: “You haven’t touched any of the equipment?”
>>Me: “Does that mean you’ll charge me less for my membership?”
just imagine. he thinks this is a clever exchange.

>>18841072
is not having a shower working like a metaphor for not having free HRT?

>>18840960
>But for me, not showering daily was a crime
Dude, he's chinese

>>18840381
This shit sucks

>>18840381
people only wank this guy cause they wanna fuck him

>>18840746
Anime is not art it's cartoons for manbabies and incels.

>>18841283
>haibane renmei
BTFO faggot

>>18840381
This is brilliant. Imagine making the entirety of /lit/ seethe purely on the banality of your dullposting.

>>18840381
Based plumber making Chinese lives harder

>>18840960
The real irony is Waldun being mad at the plumber for being late, when he's so lazy that he tried to trick his sister into handling the whole business rather than just waking up at 9

>>18841533
this could have made the writing better if he gave more monologue and exploration of this. doubt he thought of it though anon and he has some "weird" thing that will happen.

>>18840381
>>18840960
>>18841024
>>18841072
>>18841227
>>18841242
>>18841273
>>18841333
>>18841518
>>18841533

>At first, I thought the entire thing was a big practical joke, but apparently not. On the day of the appointed-shower-fixing-day, I dragged Jay over to write. We wrote for a few hours on the couch and Jay turned to me:

>“Where the hell is this plumber? Wasn’t he supposed to come over at ten?” It was 12 pm already.

>“I don’t know.” I drank some tea out of my cup. “Maybe he broke a leg?”

>And 30 minutes later the plumber rang the intercom and came to my door with a giant scooter and a cast on his leg.

>“Sorry, mate. I have a few more jobs around town.” No wonder he broke a leg because the scooter was made of metal and was as tall as himself.

>“That’s a big-ass scooter,” Jay said, “How fast could it go?”

>“Oh, man this thing goes up to eighty!” He patted the thing and rolled it into the door, dirtying my carpet.

>“Don’t you need a license for that thing?” I said and looked at his cast.

>He looked up and shrugged. “Well, maybe. Last week I broke me ankle and it’s still paying off.”

>After he settled in, he dragged a few barrels into my bathroom and before he barricaded the door, “I’ll keep it quiet, eh? Won’t be long. It’ll be done real soon.”

>And so, a string of loud bangs and chainsaw noise followed. I basked in the noise because it was the perfect revenge on my neighbor for their 2 am screams and knocks. After a while, everything settled down. I looked around my apartment and said to Jay:

btw the name of this tale is The Terminator Plumber

>>18841643
>Last week I broke me ankle and it’s still paying off
What did he mean by this?

>>18838131
I love him so much waldunchads...

>>18841689
Justify this:
>>18840381
>>18840641
>>18840960
>>18841643

>>18841696
Don't judge a story before reading to the end. You will regret your words.

>>18841689
Justify this:
>>18840381
>>18840960
>>18841643

>>18841710
meant for >>18841711

>>18841643
>“Oh, man this thing goes up to eighty!” He patted the thing and rolled it into the door, dirtying my carpet.
Wtf? I thought he lived in an apartment. Earlier in the story he said there was a lobby you had to go through to get into the building. And if the plumber drives around in a scooter, why didn't he have it the first time? I don't live in emu-land but what building lets people drive their scooters inside? This story reeks of bullshit.
>chainsaw noise followed
>plumbing work
Waldun has never worked a day in his life lol

>>18841763
>chainsaw noise

>>18840381
>“They said they’ll fix the shower, not take it away. They completely managed to do the latter without finishing the former.”
fuck me, does he think this is witty?

Every single thing he writes is so disgusting I can't stop reading it.
It is exactly the opposite of what any aspiring writer should try to be

>>18841763
>chainsaw noise
Holy kek, can't believe I missed this. Now I can't get the thought Waldun imagining his plumber chainsawing all his pipes out of my head.

>>18838131
What's the name of his channel?

>>18841869
https://www.youtube.com/c/RCWaldun/videos

>>18841876
Thank you, anon! I find it weird that the name had literally not been mentioned once.

>>18841906
He's more popular than Jesus on /lit/

>>18841906
Anons have said "Waldun" multiple times in this thread

>>18841876
waldunbros his viewership is dropping

>>18840381
>>18840960
>>18841643
>>18841662
>>18841711
>>18841763
>>18841812
>>18841830
>>18841839
>“Great, now everything’s covered in dust.”

>Just as I was about to take out my vacuum cleaner, the intercom rang again and I heard a deep voice. “Mate. Is this 919?”

>“Yes, and this is?”

>“Just open the door, mate. I’ll be up in the second.”

>A man showed up at my door with a military-grade dust-proof mask and a terminator-grade vacuum cleaner. The one that you had to carry on your back to operate. He switched the thing on and the promise of “being quiet” went completely out of the window. The terminator did a decent job and exited my apartment without a word.

>After the terminator left, the scooter guy finally emerged from my bathroom. “It’s almost done.” My bathroom looked trashed and I saw my bath towel on the toilet seat, completely drenched and soiled. He traced my gaze and smiled with that same lost look. I didn’t say a word. “We’ll find a shower base for ya, eh?”

>“Yeah… sure…” I kept the door open and Matt walked out with essentially the entire base of my shower. He greeted the terminator at the door and hopped on his scooter. The cast clattered against the metal frame.

>“We’ll be back in a few days, eh?” The scooter powered on and the two disappeared from the hallway.

>“Ok… then.”

>I shook myself awake and turned to Jay: “They said they’ll fix the shower, not take it away. They completely managed to do the latter without finishing the former.”

>“Well,” Jay walked up to me and peeked into my bathroom, “You know what?”

>“What?” I tried to keep my cool at the sight of what was essentially a giant hole where my shower used to be.

>“At least you’re halfway there.”

fin

>>18842067
he needs to go back to the "renaissance man/polymath" phase. That's where all his audience came from.

>>18841906
Fuck off Waldun. Stop trying to get viewers on here.

>>18842072
God I can't stand Waldun. He likes to larp as a Melbourne elite but is nothing but a pampered child. He knows nothing about plumbing but bitches online about some random blue-collar worker who knows infinitely more about the process than him. It's mind-boggling how he paints himself a victim all the while admitting he's too lazy to wake up at 9am, portraying the plumber as an idiot while characterizing him with Australian slang. I wish this fucking chunk never existed so I wouldn't have to waste more mental energy on parasites in my country.

>>18842067
>How to Write Humor from Misfortune
If the story in this thread is anything to go by, Waldun understands neither humor, nor misfortune.

>>18842072
NO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO

Test.

>>18842188
Banned just for that

You guys want to hear another story?

>>18840960
Based Matt

>>18838131
He's like the avatar of literary masculinity being hypocritical and fundamentally alone

also WTF are these new captchas? is being schizophrenic now a prereq to posting here? what IS this shit

Waldun reads out Terminator Plumber in this video if anyone is interested:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fIHDwf-Jsk

>>18842197
Please :^)

>>18842271
>he already has a how-to video
>and he reads his story like it's something to emulate
This kid can't be real

>>18842271
>Naked Lunch poster
he knows his audience huh

>>18842241
Have you not been on 4chan for a while?

>>18842271
>I spotted my ultimate solution when I stopped at a traffic light. There was a 24hr gym below my apartment and I just happened to have a key card because a year ago, the gym coerced me into a permanent contract with them.
This is so goddamn clunky. He reads it at the 7:00 if you want a laugh.

>>18842356
that's correct. sorry to see that you have all been suffering under the thumb of the great schizo

>>18842271
>waldun looking over at his friend after every sentence expecting him to laugh
>silence throughout most of the story with a couple of pity chuckles
holy fucking cringe

>>18842386
Yeah it's really fucking annoying. Have you been long enough to have missed the beginning of the Waldun saga?

It was another average day for Plumber Mitchell; wrenching pipes, cutting linoleum, and fixing leaks. Plumbing wasn’t a hard job by any means, but it was a thankless one, and the stench of Melbourne’s refuse reminded him of that as Mrs. Aber’s one-week clogged toilet finally drained.

At the sound of flusing, Mrs. Aber flung the door open. Mitchell cringed as the knob slammed into her wall.

“You’ve done it!”

“Yes ma’am. It was a tough one, your eh- business had clumped up enough that it started to solidify. Had to basically water it, break it do- eh you don’t wanna hear all that. Your toilet is as good as new!”

“Thank you, Mitchell.” She handed him his payment as he left the bathroom. Mrs. Aber had already plopped down back on the toilet as he made it to the doorway. Out of courtesy, his own at least, he shut it for her.

Outside, next to his scooter, he put his tools back in the peripheral holders as he waited for his partner Mike to finish his part of the job. As he put the last tool away, Mike was there,

“Get the job done?” He asked.

“Yep, it was a shitshow, literally. But it’s done.”

“Good, guess next is the Waldun boy, right?”

“Yep, I’m already running late. Can’t work as fast with this broke arm.” He rubbed the cast. It was a new ornament to hang from his body while he worked. The accident was pretty bad, but thankfully he was the only one who got hurt and even then, it was just his arm. He looked back up at Mike. “I’ll have to take out his flooring. I’ll call you when it’s done and you can blow it back out.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few. Be careful and try not to exert yourself. Don’t want to make your arm heal wrong.”

>>18842481
Mitchell parked his scooter outside the entrance of the building. He had looked for a parking garage but it was tenants only, so he had to settle for temporary parking. He put his coins in the slot, enough for around 4 hours, just in case and made his way inside the building.

He stopped at the reception desk, “Sorry ma’am. I know I asked this once but I go through so many homes it’s hard to keep up. Can you tell me where Waldun is? I gotta do some plumbing for him.”

“Oh! Is that you’re scooter outside?” She asked.

“Er- well yes, ma’am.”

“Our elevator is broke down and the stairs are being cleaned. Thankfully, we have a handicapped accessible stairway you can ride your scooter up. Don’t worry, we won’t charge you for the cleaning. “ She winked.

Mitchell was a bit perplexed. Strange to be allowed to ride a scooter in a building. He would’ve been fine walking up the ramps, but the lady insisted, so Mitchell walked back out and put his tools back into the peripherals of the scooter, hopped back on and rode into the building.

He took care to ride slow through the ramps and to make easy turns, he didn’t want to mess up the place too bad. As he rode up the ramps, he was stopped by a few tenants, some angry, some as perplexed as him, and asked him why he was riding his scooter through the building. Even stranger, when he explained to them why, that he was going to Waldun’s, their faces shifted to some unspoken understanding and they told him to have a nice day.

On the 6th floor was Waldun’s. Mitchell would have to drive down to Room 666, which was his residence. A bit worrisome to Mitchell, being a god-fearing man, but sometimes numbers just add up that way and a man can’t always choose where he lives. He shook his religious anxiety and made his way down.

He parked his scooter beside the door and knocked. There was no answer for a few minutes, but Mitchell could hear some sort of arguing, so he knocked again. There a young oriental woman appeared.

“Hello!” She said, but before Mitchell could say anything, “Waldun! Come here, the plumber is back!”

Then Waldun appeared. A young oriental man, he guessed her brother.

“WhhhhhHHHHHoooooOOOAAAAAAAAAA IS THAT A SCOOTER!?”

Mitchell jerked at the Chinese roar, but pulled himself together. “O-hh, yes this is my scooter. I didn’t bring it here last time since, well, that tends to be the law, but the lobby insisted.” He let out an anxious chuckle.

“DO YOU GOT A LICENSE FOAR DAT?!!?!?”

“Of course. It’s only work-related, but I imagine the process is mostly the same if you’re wanting want yourself.” He laughed, more relaxed this time at the realization that the boy was just a bit retarded.

“YOOU GOTTA BRING DAT IN!”

“Uh,” Mitchell was about to protest, but the young woman at his side nodded and he once again relented to bringing his scooter to alien places.

>>18842481
>>18842491
Mitchell quickly got his tools ready and went to work in the shower, as Jay-she introduced herself-reined Waldun in with promises of more naptime while people worked. Apparently the boy loved to sleep while people worked, a bit strange, but it’s another thing Mitchell could provide.

In the shower, he got to work with the usual plumber arsenal. It was a simple job, pull out the base, fix the leaks, and replace the base at a later appointment. It only took around an hour-and-a-half altogether. But while he went to work he could hear Waldun screaming.

“HES GOTTA CHAINSAW IN DER JAY DO YOU HEAR DAT WHAT HE GOT A CHAINSAW FOR IS HE GONNA KILL US LIKE JASON”

“Waldun I told you to stop watching 80s movies!”

“BUT THEY SPEAK TO MY MELBOURNIANS SOWUL!”

Mitchell tightened his earphones to drown the noise.


As the last tile was cut out, Mitchell leaned back and sighed in relief. It was tough with one arm, but he did it. Mike should be here soon to fini-

“OH MI GAWDDDDDDD! ARE YOU THE TERMINATOR1!”

Mitchell figured Mike must have made it here. Waldun was a bit odd, but for someone who liked to sleep so much he worked well as an alarm. He couldn’t hear Mike or Jay, but he knew the gist. Mitchell opened the window and Mike popped in, shutting the door behind him.

“What the fuck is wrong with that boy?” He asked.

“Ah, Mike, he’s probably autistic or somethin’, Leave him be, he thinks you’re the Terminator! That’s a compliment.

Mike let out some curses and got to work blowing the dust out of the room. While he was busy, Mitchell went outside to explain to Jay.. and Waldun, that he was sorry about not finishing the base, but that he would be back in about a week to finish it up.

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
“IVE BEEN YEWSING THE SHOWER AT TDA GYM!”

Mitchell laughed and told him it was good a place as any.
“WAS YEW YEWSIN A CHAINSAW IN THERE?!”

Mitchell was confused, then laughed once he realized what he was talking about, “No. This is a jigsaw Waldun. I can see how it sounds like a chainsaw. It’s for cutting out the tile in your shower buddy.”

“JIGSAW AND CHAINSAW ARE BOTH SAWS”

Jay, red in the face, walked Mitchell out before he could reply and thanked him.

As he hopped back on his scooter, Mike appeared. Man left without saying a word to Mitchell, which was odd. Then he heard Waldun and Jay arguing.

“THE SHOWER STILL ISNT FIXED!”

“Waldun they have to come back later!”

“THE SHOWER STILL ISNT FIXED”

“Waldun you’re not even paying for it!”

“THEY WAS SUPPOSED TO FIX THE SHOWER, INSTEAD THEY DONE THE LADDER”

Oh, that was right. Mitchell forgot he fixed Waldun’s ladder for him. He’s seen it before for handicapped children. You strap them in and they’re basically plugged to the ladder so in case they slip, they won’t fall on the linoleum and hurt themselves.

“Well Waldun..” Mitchell heard Jay.

“WHUT JAY?!”

“At least it’s halfway done.”

It was more like 80% done, but Mitchell didn’t expect them to know. He revved his scooter up and rode off into the apartment-complex sunset, wishing the Waldun family good health as the rays of light, a gift from god, filtered into the hall from the windows. It wasn’t easy handling a disabled child, but god bless them for doing their best.

FIN

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
>>18842514
The prose sir... they flow...

>>18838131

He should have read the Greeks

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
>>18842514
based

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
>>18842514
Holy...I want more...

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
>>18842514
Unironically a better understanding of comedy than Waldun will ever have

>>18842082
it was his best phase, or it's more accurate to say, the most interesting phase to analyze

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHIG48vS4Oo

>>18840381
That final bit started to sound like a gay porno.

>>18842481
>>18842491
>>18842500
>>18842514
unbelievably based my good friend

>>18842514
>>18842500
>>18842491
>>18842481
>wrenching pipes
>plumbing wasn't a hard job by any means
>Thankfully, we have a handicapped accessible stairway you can ride your scooter up
>WHAT HE GOT A CHAINSAW FOR IS HE GONNA KILL US LIKE JASON”
>It was more like 80% done, but Mitchell didn’t expect them to know. He revved his scooter up and rode off into the apartment-complex sunset, wishing the Waldun family good health as the rays of light, a gift from god, filtered into the hall from the windows

>>18842840
This is incredible. Had a literal spit-take at around 29 minute mark

>>18842840
Are you sure his father is Asian? I thought he was white for some reason.

>>18843073
even if you didn't know Waldun's real name was Robin Wu, how could you think that this was the offspring of a white man?

>>18843092
His 6'2 height

>>18843092
Half white

His writing sucks but I watched some of his videos and he seems like a self made man, you guys hate him because he QUIT HIS DAY JOB and you could never dream of getting your work out there like I have Respect

>>18843206
(You)

>>18843263
Thanks

>>18843206
Okay Waldun