/lit/ - Literature

>>18899001
If you post this little faggots face on this board you deserve to be raped by packs of wild baboons.

>>18899137
Waldun, F. Gardner, anyone else who posts here and writes should be respected.
Shame on you for insulting a writer that many of us respect. He has done nothing to deserve your vitriol and hatred, these outbursts of insults and abuse do nothing but reveal your own soul of such little character.

>>18899152
Gardner’s books are honestly really fun. I just finished his new books last week. Jigoku is awesome.

>>18899165
Haters need to deal with it that people actually like the writers here. The blind hate in some of the /wg/ has been completely over-the-top to the point where the pseuds seethe whenever a new book is released. Like buddy, if you hate writers so much, why do they come here?

>>18899001
>Quite understandably enough, no one at the early-night party knows what Jake Valley thinks as he stands up, excuses himself to his girlfriend, and tells her he’s going to go outside for a minute.

>>18899415
interesting

>>18899415
What's your first paragraph look like?

Cover photo is big time cozy for me, looks like the backyard of the house I grew up, in Vancouver

>>18899165
The real question. Crocodile or Arcade?

>>18899455
>>18899479
Thank you.

I'm no longer a singular entity, for I'm complacent to someone I don't even know anymore.
>First line
I'm in a constant state of work which left undone would result in someone I hate dying, someone I very much want to die, but this sentiment is really just an unfulfilling dream of mine, for my heart still pounds inside my chest and I keep breatheing; endlessely. I will keep doing this until my heart can no longer bear to beat, for an obligation that I have no reason to uphold anymore. The only reason for this obligation is just by the fact alone that it's something I decided oh so many years ago. This promise feels like a tunnel that goes to a place I no longer remember or care for, but still I carry forward, no matter how much I want to just fall and die. This is the only decision I can make for myself, the most important one of them all, it is one that I must keep even when I want to do more.
>Tell me what you think my story might be about

>>18900299
Bodyguard to an illegitimate president?

>>18900364
Now that you said that I can definitely see that coming across. It's actualy the personification of a girls unconscious mind that's talking

>>18899001
We have devoted what at first glance seems to be a dispropor
tionately large space to Machiavelli's thought concerning religion.
This impression is due to a common misunderstanding of the in
tention, not only of Machiavelli but also of a whole series of political
thinkers who succeeded him. We no longer understand that in spite
of great disagreements among those thinkers, they were united by
the fact that they all fought one and the same power-the kingdom
of darkness, as Hobbes called it; that fight was more important
to them than any merely political issue. This will become clearer
to us the more we learn again to understand those thinkers as they
understood themselves and the more familiar we become with the
art of allusive and elusive writing which all of them employ,
although to different degrees. The series of those thinkers will
then come to sight as a line of warriors who occasionally interrupt
their fight against their common enemy to engage in a more or
less heated but never hostile disputation among themselves. The
conditions of political thought were radically changed by the
French Revolution. To begin with, we cannot help reading earlier
thinkers in the light afforded by the changed condition or the
novel situation of political thought. All serious errors in the
interpretation of the thinkers in question can be traced to a failure
to grasp the parochial character of the 19th and 20th century
outlook which inevitably pretends to be wider than that of any
earlier age.

>>18900413
Ahh! I see it now. How far along are you?

In my OP
>>18899001
I'm trying to show the character is a nice guy, but after the end of chapter 1 where his bike is stolen, the next 2-3 chapters have him witness and experience more bad luck, leading him to snapping and losing his sense of right and wrong.

>>18899001
Seek help or ngmi, schizo

>>18899001
A point in life is occasionally met where alarms are no longer set and the utility of a rigid sleep schedule is only appreciated as an abstraction. This was the case for ------, who would spend his mornings, and often a large part of his day, laying still in his hammock. He slept capriciously, taking to bed at any late hour but his waking life, on the other hand, was much more predictable. Having been out of work for some time now and consequently developing severe agoraphobia, -----’s waking hours were mostly spent in a state of solitary recumbence. He liked to call himself a reader, an erudite autodidact, a polymath, a renaissance man, but truthfully he spent most of his time daydreaming, or playing video games. Though on occasion he would impetuously pursue a new hobby after a surge of motivation only to leave its accouterments, shortly thereafter, in some lost corner of his room -- promising himself, someday, he would take it up again.

>>18900180
I liked Call of the Arcade more. But Croc seems to be the most popular on here.

>>18900793
Asking for critique of my writing is seeking help. Can you step up and aid your fellow man, or will you spit upon me from your ivory tower?

>>18900899
COTC is charming, the style works.

>>18900817
why not name your character

>>18900817
Your descriptions are great, really like them, however, the second half of the first sentence is a bit wordy I think.
Last 1/3 of your entire work is great, love the flow.
>Did not like this
He slept capriciously, taking to bed at any late hour but his waking life, on the other hand, was much more predictable. Having been out of work for some time now and consequently developing severe agoraphobia
>Seems a bit too "mechanical" for my tastes
>Your best is the following
waking hours were mostly spent in a state of solitary recumbence(I'd use something simpler here). He liked to call himself a reader, an erudite autodidact, a polymath, a renaissance man, but truthfully he spent most of his time daydreaming, or playing video games.

Great work, go go go!

Who is this dysgenic hapa larping as an anglo?

>>18901140
Please show some respect. He's talented and very intelligent. Check out Waldun's YouTube channel!

>>18900965
im not that creative

>>18900978
thank you for the honest input

>>18901206
Do you have any input on the OP?

I'm re-writing it again now, will post my refined edit soon!

>>18901407
>>18899001

some neat wordplay (shadowy alley alcoves; beheading, amputating, dissected). it's almost too subtle with the kill - i actually didn't read the first part of the post until after, which confirmed he did indeed kill someone.

overall, i like it and i'd read more but it needs refinement. the first sentence seems off in terms of order, but that could just be preference. im sorry i can't be more specific i'm not a great critic.

require defers.fs

>>18901449
Yes I am having big problems with the first sentence. I want it to be direct and state that Ken kills the man with a water bottle, but he'll say he did nothing wrong. In reality, he handed out a bunch of water bottles to local vagrants, giving them the energy from the cold water to steal bikes and chop them up, trading parts for drugs, then overdosing on the drugs and dying in the alley. He doesn't blame himself, because if he blames himself then he's afraid he'll become pessimistic like the internet comments from earlier in the paragraph.