/lit/ - Literature

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You faggots make threads too early. Newfags or what?

3 shots sounded and a man dropped dead. A trumpeter in the middle of the street, looking rather stern and dignified, composed a smirk. Then he unleashed that sentence, “God doesn’t give a fuck.” everybody was crowded around him. They were all in earshot but only I could hear him. I remember the plaid kilt he wore and he looked rather like a stereotypical storybook scotsman. A vicious, full smile crept across his face. He patiently and almost respectfully let the cops arrest him and take him away. His arms behind his back through his own volition, and a calm demeanor as the cops did their only necessary part of putting on the handcuffs. I was a teen at the time, and had seen many an odd thing in my young age, but this stayed with me like a moment of childhood friendship or of deep emptiness in the heart. When I got a little older I started to realize some things. Mostly that the man was right. There was a god, and he most certainly does not give a fuck. For life to be this bleak only by chance is asking for a miracle.
II
I work in a small compact office, in a larger office, in a building, in a district of similar buildings, in a cold, busy city. Hello angela, Goddamn you have such a fat nice ass. What I would give to smack the shit out of it. I bet you’d let out a little moan wouldn’t you? No, she wouldn’t do that. Maybe she would. I mean remember in Millie’s Vacation where the mere sight of Hugh Winchester made her moan a little. God what I would give to have that effect on girls
Ryan, hows it going buddy
Bill, hey what’s shakin man
Bill is a nice enough guy, I guess, but goddamn is he getting annoying. Look at the way his face scrunches up when he talks to you. What a disgusting sight.

>>20809187
>Send from my iPhone

>>20809187
After a few hours of sending the minimum required emails I was starting to get a little hungry. Big Bill’s is right down the road. I think i’ve got enough time to snag a burger. Goddamn I wish I could trust one of these sorry fuckers enough to just clock in for me while i’m there. Worthless. There’s angela again and her tits, up down up down up down. God fucking damnit all to hell. God I want to fuck the shit out of you right here. I want to throw you down on the printer and pull your pants down. Rub your panties until you start moistening and spilling and shaking and god I just want to fuck the shit out of you. I bet I’d look like a goddamn animal every nerve showing. Right in front of everybody. I need to calm down, I’m getting worked up. People probably think that's weird. My sleeve is rolled up a little and I am staring at my hairy arms.

It is untrue that men only think about sex, as the old adage suggests, but men rather think about it quite intensely. Leading those who encounter them to believe this lie, only because they don't see what else a man encounters and then must think about. But when men start to think about sex it can turn into almost a piece of art. Pure self expression through carnal lust. Men want to recreate scenes of utmost shame and depravity with the beautiful cinematography of the mind. All so they can be the only one in the theater. And it bothers them not at all. For true if any other man was to try and enter that theater. The director turned audience member would look for the closest object to bludgeon the intruder with.

>>20809174
Oh, yeah...you're a REAL big rule-follower.
Don't make me puke.
And stop the shill-spamming already. It makes you look bathetic.

>>20809189
Yes, and?

>>20809194
Take your meds. Sea kelp. Not everyone on 4chan is the same person, newfag.

>>20809196
Phoneposters aren't welcome on 4chan, buddy.

>>20809202
And?

>>20809208
So... beat ya feet. We don't like you and you don't fit in, namefaggot phoneposter.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTbiCSey1Kl4-mVUOLC7yHP5mQ47CQvYz45WoDKg_NGU911OJJGTqxomU2Az6ndyUNC9mCNcbHIbc0u/pub
Would appreciate if anyone had a quick look at the poems I've written about a grave sin I recently committed. I intend to leave pamphlet copies in cafes and parks so as to get canceled. Then I will finally have an excuse either to kill myself or skip town once and for all.

>>20809282
lol imagine feeling guilt

>>20809296
Imagine being an atheist.
I only mourn that I found God after I became unsaveable, unsalvageable. But now I am filled with His will and need only find the courage to carry it out.

>>20809303
>anybody who isn't a christian is an atheist
This is your brain on abrahamism

>>20809317
An idolater? Even worse.

1/3

>>20809335

2/3

>>20809339

3/3

"Davie"

>>20809328
lol

I didn't write today.

Another outline finished. Can I finish the book or will I niggardly retract again?

>>20809429
Go write 100 words right now

>>20809303
yahweh worship must be exterminated. death to the jewish genital mutilation cult and death to israel

>>20809429
i haven't written anything.

>>20809512
Someone's got some hangups.

>>20809187
>composed a smirk
stopped reading there

>>20809512
We shall meet in the pleroma, brother.

>>20809801
The fucking pleroma made a retard baby that it spat out into the darkness and then just watched as it went and made a whole false world out there. The false world forces kenoma to take shape around it, and kenoma hates being given shape. Hates being, hates knowing, hates knowing how to hate. Nothing tends to develop some resentment when you make it look like Something.
The pleroma needs to clean up after itself.

I like to take tropes that normally belong in Shonen manga/anime and use them "Right." For example, the super form. I do not pull these out of my ass, I foreshadow them throughout the story and use them as a form of symbolizing some character development, or even for triggering it. For example
>A character gets their full magical abilities back after finally overcoming their grief, apathy, and guilt, which enables them to restore themselves to top form
>The protagonist finally realizes that he shouldn't be so passive/evasive. This is a double-edged sword though, as it plunges him into a berserker fury as his body grotesquely distorts into a combat-ready state.
And so on

Horror writers, pay >>20808966 a visit

Been trying to write more, I write like a documentary.
Any fully naturalistic novels to get a feel on it?

>>20809303
I don't have to imagine. Reason demands atheism, antihumanism, strict and hard materialism.

>>20809927
So a complete lack of empathy and otherwise a psychopath. Gotcha

>>20809935
Empathy within reason.
Most atheists still place value in "Judeo-Christian" ethics, in humanist wolrdviews and egotistic pursuits. These can only hinder freedom and understanding. They should remove themselves from those traps of thought.

Awareness of the code that makes us is essential, even your own life is worthless if not logically consistent and justified. A person is a meat machine not unlike a virus, there is nothing under the ego. Why should a person be important, anon? What's so great about us?

stop falling for baby's first troll you heathens

Guys for real, I write like a documentary, help me.

>>20810095
a mocumentary about a nature documentary crew.
ez money

I'm extremely impersonal in anything I tried to write today. What do I mean by a documentary? One sided and distant, narration-like. The focus is in the scene but I can't do it.
How long will it take me to be a good writer for my game?

>>20810110
>>20809886
>>20810095
It will take a while. That's okay though.

>>20809434
Another outline? Maybe start the book, then worry about finishing it.

>>20809429
Sometimes not every day is a writing day. Can use it as motivation for the next.

What would be the best POV to use to write imaginary battles and to go in and out of fantasy and reality?
I want to give writing a teen romance about a chuuni a try and I want him to be the narrator.

Day 58 editing.
Chapter 79 parsed.
Posted 5 chapters.
Thus far no comments.
Lets see how far no meerkating can take me.

Should I be actively thinking about literary devices, tenses etc while I'm writing? Or do you assume that all that is happening in the background? Can I assume that when I read a book on writing that the tools are being internalised somewhere or do they need to be actively practiced and constantly thought about before they sink in?

do you guys use plot models? I try to keep one in my peripheral just to keep the pacing straight.

>>20810218
Day 58 of this is still not your blog fag.

>>20809282
Did you rape or murder? Otherwise, it's not really cancelable...

finished reading part 1 of Egregore last night
It's been a while since I've read much horror but it's scaring me and what I'm fearing hasn't happened yet. Besides a couple glimpses of warmth I get this feeling like both Tim and Saundra are barely human when their illnesses act up.

>>20810305
I am planning on using them less but my first story I designed as the 5 parts of a Greek Tragedy: anticipation, dreaming, frustration, nightmare, destruction like in >>20810290
My go to structure is 3 Act: beginning, middle and end.

Anyone finds it... A bit hard to read for some time after writing? Like, you can't really get into a story, all you can see is structure, sentences, words. It might be a personal issue, but still makes me a bit queasy (as in "maybe I don't really enjoy reading, maybe I'm just faking it")

I've been autistically mapping out my quasi-fantasy book on excel, and still can't figure out an ending, FUCK ME

And I can't deal with begginings...
I have the main guy almost getting stabbed in the first paragraph just to pique interest and start in medias res, but it all soon turns into dreary exposition as the narrator goes on a sight seeing tour of the city (being an outsider, I need to establish where he is).
Worse, as the narrator is a hunted criminal himself (through no fault of his own), the next few chapters involve him lying low and waiting for the plot to move forward. And I've written myself into a corner with the whole stabbing thing.
Thanks for reading my blog, I'll get back to my annual writing session.

>>20810662
No I don't have this problem. I note what notice as far as techniques, for example last night I marked a word because I noticed it had a connotation with the end of the opening chapter. But I wouldn't say I'm deconstructing it so hard that I can't enjoy the story. It helps me appreciate the work if anything.

>>20810305
>>20810300
>>20810297
>>20810293
>>20810290
>>20810287
>>20810285
>>20810283
>>20810277

This shit is fucking stupid. Think about your characters and give them something to struggle against. The second you start thinking in terms of 'character has to do x because its at this point in the plot - congrats, your character is bland, your story is bland, and it all reads like its been boringly plotted out.

The chad method is to write a character with a goal in mind for them, and then just let the story grow along with the character (or if the character is making bad choices, follow out the consequences of such, etc).

Save the cat is pure trash and nobody likes seeing movies that follow its structure because its so predictable.

>>20810218
Why are you against marketing? Seems like a very odd decision from the vantage point of anyone wishing to make this a full time career.

>tfw all my stories are basically the same
can't think of the last time i wrote a "happy" ending desu

>>20810763
Do you believe in God? If not you'll have a hard time writing happy endings.

>>20810771
What an odd thing to say.

>>20810780
It's not though. If you believe in God, you believe that there is ultimate meaning and good in the reality you and everyone else exists in. It gives a reason to strive and thrive.

Being an atheist means you'll write atheistic stories that are inherently nihilistic. You don't believe in a happy ending so you can't write one with authenticity.

>>20810787
Bullshit. Even if you believe in God, things just turn out badly all the time, thanks to his Mysterious Ways (TM)

>>20810787
It's so weird being told what I believe by someone who doesn't know me. It's like talking to a schizo.

>>20810662
I find this problem as well after I'm done with a scene or starting into a new one. It feels like I'm typing instead of writing. Just getting through one part after the other. But the hope is that after the whole thing is finished and I have collections of scenes built and written, I can see from the higher perspective about what needs to be changed, but without writing the details first, I'll never get there. Even the Golden Gate Bridge has rivets and screws, after all.

>>20810850
related problem here. i notice my first drafts getting shittier and more detached from myself, leaving me way more work on the second ones.

>>20810771
NTA but I believe in God, even grace through faith, and the best I can do is bittersweet. I want to do some happy endings for a few short stories though.

>>20810110
You will never be as good as Robert Kurvitz. You will never create something as good as Disco Elysium.

>>20810979
Yeah, who gives a shit?

>>20810979
Disco Elysium wasn't even that good.

>>20810979
Robert Kurvitz wishes he was as good as Dybowsky.

>>20811035
Dywhosky?

>>20811035
>>20811041
Debussy.

>>20811041
Of course you don't know.

How's my writing?

Awe. That's the word. My eyes were transfixed on the sheer beauty. There, equipped with the sharp underpinnings, the rounded body, the sleek shape, the beautiful mask. It was perfect. My very own Masshine-kikai, or Machki. I touched the body of the armor. It was cool to the touch. Leaving my print on the metal, I could scarcely believe it, I was going to finally get my own Machki. I've dreamt about this since I first saw one fly through the air on television. It was the World Championship Tournament of 3024. Ja'Thomas was the last American to win the games. That was two hundred and twenty five years ago.

A lot has changed since watching the documentary, but I was engrossed with flying my own Machki. My mom supported my dream, or at least entertained it. I don't think she ever believed though. The parts were expensive, and flying one takes years of practice. But when there's a will, there's a way. It took me over fifteen years to build the suit in front of me. Now it's ready to take off.

>>20810305
you should only ever use this shit if
1) you need a learning aid to start thinking in terms of plot rhythm
2) you're writing a sitcom

>>20811073
not bad, but it's also not very much. The only real thing is this:
>I could scarcely believe it, I was going to finally get my own Machki
conflicts with
>It took me over fifteen years to build the suit in front of me
did he get it or did he build it? Seems like you changed your mind mid-writing
also, I understand the utility of a line like this:
>My very own Masshine-kikai, or Machki
but introducing an abbreviated term like this is always so awkward and personally, I try to avoid it. Normally it's just not necessary.

>>20811135
Thanks! I did change it without realizing it. How weird.

>>20811073
>I touched the body of the armor. It was cool to the touch.
You need to polish this. Everything up to that point was sort of ok.

I don't like the cadence and content of the following sentences either. They're short. Expositive. Blurting out cold, boring facts. You could have embedded all this information into the rest of the story, if there is one.
Minimalism is harder to pull off than any other type of prose.

>>20810716
You're wrong about nobody wanting to see those kinds of movies. All the big capeshit and onions wars movies follow this kind of shitty plot structure and those make money hand over fist. Audiences eat that shit up. It's bland and boring, but you can't say there's no audience for it.

>>20810503
I nearly raped. I pressured. It was weird. There wasn't any actual sex involved. Then in the morning she was shaking and locked the door fast behind me.

>>20811073
>How's my writing?
your prose reads like it's stuttering.
you need more diversity in your sentences. longer sentences mixed with shorter sentences
sentences with phrases, etc

>>20809797
:(

I wrote 1600 words yesterday so it's okay to only 400 today, right? Writing the scene where my main couple discusses having children is painful to do.

>>20811597
Write the whole scene in real time, like a dialogue or something. The more painful, the better. You'll scrap it all later anyway, and rewrite it properly.

Is this still too purple or is it readable now?

https://www.scribd.com/document/551280851/Unfiltered

So what's the wackiest way you guys have jogged your creative juices? I know some people get idea while going on walks or drugs but any truly insane stuff?
I can't spoiler tag this since I'm on mobile but here's mine for reference. After taking massive gut churning shits I almost always have the best ideas. Didn't know why until I read about some fermented African poop drug called Jenkem that can give you hallucinations. Obviously I tried it through direct inhales but shit literally didn't work. Figured maybe the sniffs were too intense like if you put too much electricity through a lightbulb it bursts. Have a small set of draws right next to my bed. Spent two days filling it with mummified Taco Bell shit (I'd shit into a paper towel and wrap it tightly with more towels. No the moisture doesn't seep through) went to sleep and woke up with an insane amount of creativity. I do this every time I'm stuck on something and it works without fail.

>>20811073
>transfixed
Purple

Use polysyndeton or a comma to break up one of those series of choppy sentences. Otherwise it looks good.

Now go write.

>>20811769
Dont sleep for a long time. Doing drugs for creativity will kill you.

Thoughts on mine?

>>20811793
Agree with most of what saying but hard disagree that "transfixed" word choice makes it purple - it's more the lack if context/concrete language to give clarity to the early words.


To the anon who wrote it, for some reason I felt compelled to give an example of how I'd edit the first line if it was in my draft (I'm making up some specifics regarding the matchi for this example of concreteness):
>Awe, that's the only word to describe my feeling in that moment. My eyes were transfixed by the sheer beauty --- burnished steel underpinnings, the rounded insect-like torso, the sleek shoulders arching upwards to the crimson mask that reflected my own face back in miniature. It was perfect. My very own Machki.

>Danielle Steel writes on five projects simultaneously, each in varying stages of progress, and each book taking about 2.5 years to complete.
At that tempo you could easily crank out multiple books per year. I might have to adapt my current writing philosophy and start working on really getting into the quantity game.

How do you guys feel about addressing the reader directly when writing? I mean like using the word "you" when explaining a hypothetical situation, for example. For context, I'm writing in the first person past tense. I have avoided it entirely so far, but it's come up naturally during the section I'm working on. It reads a bit strange to my eyes because I've gone 10,000 words without once addressing the reader and then I just do it out of nowhere. Would readers even notice something like this?

Feedback on this appreciated!


>>20811986
It seems stilted to me - quite a chore to read.

I can't tell if this is an intentional choice to give voice to your character, but they say 'sitting alone in a tiny room by myself' - which is repeating the same thing twice.

Also the sentence 'I can't remember the last time I had actually taken a holiday anywhere while all I did was work.' makes it sound like they can't remember going on a holiday where all they did was work, as in work whilst on the holiday, which I assume isn't what you intended.

>>20812068
I think they're cool and don't require any explanation in 1st past, especially if it's a retrospective and not one of those unexplained 1st person POVs - the POV in that case is intending to have an audience.

You could edit in earlier instances of it if you want to make it more consistent throughout, but 10k in isn't all that far in and it could highlight now self concious the POV is of the topic at hand if it suddenly makes them start justifying themself directly to the audience when they hadn't before.

>>20812068
I think it can be done very effectively, but it really has to be earned, and a way of punctuating a moment you really want to draw attention to and draw the reader into. It's something Pynchon does brilliantly

>>20812068
it's not that weird, people understand how it's impersonal. The alternative is using "one" which has a particular sound to it that most modern writers don't like. Here are a couple of examples that would read just fine in a first-person narrative:
>I stepped cautiously—you don't want to stumble onto a used hypodermic.
>"Then it's murdered!" he screamed. You don't say? Tom was always late on the uptake.
>What I saw there, you wouldn't believe. Not in a million years.
>You couldn't see from down there, but a whole village was tucked into the crook of the mountain.
etc. etc.

>>20812094
Already noticed I used little game + little charade. Scrap the one before game. Always notice these things after you press post!

>>20809951
I'm not even religious, but nihilism is for pseudo-intellectuals who can't be assed to actually try and believe in something
The world is a beautiful place with a lot of meaning and trying to act like nothing matters is the sign of a near-complete lack of awareness

>>20812094
>>20812120
And I used carefully twice. Scrap the second one. This is why you need to triple check

>>20812106
>>20812108
>>20812113
Lots to think about. I'm gonna make notes on what you guys have said for when I edit this. For the time being, I'll continue on and see how the rest of the novel turns out before I decide on how I want to work it in. One last thing, should I stick to the conditional tense or can I get away with using the present tense as well?

>>20810750
>https://abcnews.go.com/US/stephen-king-weighs-doj-quash-merger-publishing-powerhouses/story?id=87874968
" King, who identified himself on the stand as a "freelance writer." The way the industry has evolved, he said, “it becomes tougher and tougher for writers to find money to live on.” King said the payments book publishers make to writers before their book is published, called advances, have dwindled."
>like i'd be dumb enough to do that.

>>20812128
What meaning then?
It really does not matter, anon.

>>20812167
Think you can get away with present, and it would be even more powerful, potentially. But it hinges on everything else. Good luck!

>>20812197
Meaning is something you can find for yourself. Your inability to find purpose in life is why you're an idiot

>>20810277
>>20810283
>>20810285
>>20810287
>>20810290
>>20810293
>>20810297
>>20810300
>>20810305
You will never be a real writer.

>>20809142
Can you name a more original idea than having catstronauts fight cosmic psychokinetic dragons to protect humans during their criogenic space travel?

Hey guys, "Hell-Anon" here. I haven't been around much, life's been a whirlwind lately between work, school, the gym, and several other projects. That and I've sort of gone back to the drawing board with my story and the tone I want to hit, along with what I want to say and all of that. I hope everyone here is doing well. We're all going to make it.

>>20812504
>the gym
Not your blog homosexual

>>20812296
Commercial writers are real writers too.

>>20810593
>Egregore
Author?

>>20812276
>>20812276
There is no meaning, it's a delusion. Why should a smart monkey have meaning? It craves meaning to survive, a selfish gene and instict. I hate monkeys, this disgusting body that I was born into, one chance to live and wasted on me, I hate it, I hate you.

>>20812036
Jeez... That's so much better. I'll never be a good writer now.

>>20812664
Weedman

>>20812504
What a shame but nice to hear from you. How far back did you have to go? Are the ideas from your previous draft unsalvageable, not even for other stories?

I'm a narrator looking to narrate webfiction. Is anyone on here interested?

>>20811986
Start with the part where you book a holiday to relax. Everything above it can be deleted. Nobody is going to wade through that it sounds like you are writing an email to your mother

Gates aloft, Quetzalcoatl,
a lofty gate goes up in the sky,
ascending, ascending,
and listen to the notes that
accompany this ascension,
and you are disturbed to make
out bodies
in the clouds
that appear to be grappling,
City Gate, absconding,
ascending, stolen by Quetzalcoatl,
gates aloft, in the sky,
That by such illusion as music
in the situation of the firmament
The City Gate Is Like Religion,
it is the turn of the millennium,
It is like a new calendar,
It is the advent of new weights and measures,
we weave new dimensions for our baskets
the doorways must be rethought
and there are even new designs
for the watering cans,
that go into the plants
that have new classifications
And there are new names
For the days of week,
Rejoice, behold the staircase
Quetzalcoatl
has made
that goes all the way up in the sky
Like a paradise,
the labourers are crawling
over it like termites
and one of them is your cousin,
and you see him toil on this staircase
for an above-average wage.

>>20812195
? You’re against marketing because trad publishers are too cheap with their advances?
Am I reading this correctly, because that objection doesn’t make any sense.

>>20809303
I'm a christcuck and I think you're pathetic.

>>20813148
>“We are not talking about millions of dollars here for most people. We're talking about being able to buy groceries over three years.”
That isnt even taking into account only 1% of people who are 'writers' actually make anything off their work.
Now tell me again to invest more of my time and effort in my hobby to try and monetize it for negative net gain.
>B-but you should take the self-pub pill
https://www.royalroad.com/forums/thread/102887
Yeah nah i'm good mate.

>>20813258
So you were talking about a bad business model like trad pubbing and saying that all book publishing is bad and you shouldn’t market because of that.
Also changing your words to “invest” instead of what you disagreed with “marketing” is just cancer man.
Not sure if English is your second language, but those aren’t even remotely close words.

>>20809303
>after I became unsaveable,
protip: the unforgivable sin (aka blasphemy of the Holy Ghost) is nothing more than never having believed the testimony of Jesus Christ. It means you do not believe the message the Spirit brings to you. Go back to John 16:8-14. The Spirit is who lets you know that something is wrong in the first place.
The whole idea of "unforgivable sin" is literally just a stumbling block that Jesus made to confuse the hell out of people that don't have faith.

>>20813280
the main part of trad pub is the meerkating and distribution they supposedly provide, you bell end.

Nice lack of comprehension by the way, on completely ignoring the second link.
Also why are you not on >>/biz/ ?

>>20813363
The main part of every business is marketing.
That doesn’t explain why you’re against marketing. lmao wtf are you handicapped?

>>20812903
I'm not scrapping much, it's more that I want to start over with a different tone. Before I was writing and I think the ideas I had for the setting and the characters were solid but didn't lend themselves well to telling a story about a character growing or changing or learning anything. In something episodic like a webcomic type format where you're just showing the daily life of a character I think it would be entertaining, but that's not really what I want to do. I have what I think are some really good ideas now though.

What's a good name for an ascending, corrupt 25yo male public servant?

>>20813620
Ray Freeroy

>>20813620
Max Power

i'm trying to write a story for a webcomic. can i get some critique please? i'm a noob at writing but i'm really trying; been reading books more than i ever had for the last 3 years.

is the premise of (an undead, amnesiac) protagonist working with some mage, killing other undead people with tragic background stories interesting at all?

the genre is supposed to be fantasy/mystery

the gist of the story
>an undead/sort of zombie character is killing everybody indiscriminately
>protagonist is asked to take care of the problem (like some mercenary) by their presumed boss with special sword
>protag finds out they can't kill him easily; digs deeper for a solution
>meets some granddaughter of the village, thinks she won't find love because she is ugly
>finds out the reason this guy is locked in a memory state/emotion; killing everyone is for his one-itis, who was bullied and mistreated by the village. he was an outcast himself
>he kills a particular bully and ends up getting killed himself by someone else
>the woman over the years ends up marrying some other guy and moved on with her life but life is better since his impact and she already died some time ago
>granddaughter is descendant of one-itis
>protag tries to tell zombie to move on, realizes he's beyond listening to reason
>protag's solution is to bait zombie with granddaughter of his oneitis who looks like her
>protag kills zombie through piercing his heart with the special sword
>zombie hallucinates that oneitis comforts him in his death, but it is just granddaughter who help his passing out of sympathy
>mage boss says good job but hints protag is in a similar situation where they are also a kind of zombie

>mage was shit-testing protag on their memory and loyalty to him
>it's later implied protag has a form of amnesia
>also later implied that mage boss is the main villain
>mage boss eventually puts protagonist a situation where he pits them against their own loved one to kill, so that protag would never rest in peace
and the story would keep rolling from there.

i'm trying to aim for a bittersweet ending. thoughts?

>>20812713
If you're actually being nice just read up on 'specificity in fiction writing' and 'pyramid of abstraction' to see the main ideas in using. Also read everything you write out loud.

>>20812504
Great to see you again, we've exchanged critiques before and you were always improving.

Should I post to RoyalRoad if I want to write non-litRPGs? If not then where?

>>20813640
Convoluted stuff like that hinges on a writer's direct ability to execute and entertain properly. Otherwise it's a very good amateur trap to lose people (and your own grasp) a short way in.
I'd probably gut everything but the core idea of the protag being stuck in the amnesiac purgatory by the evil big bad mage. And rethink something simpler to peel the layers and reveal the twist. I'd personally come at from the mage boss's view and gradually have him get more audacious as he gambles with the excitement of revealing the situation. While he tries to balance with the more rational side of keeping things in check.
Even though i'm not really fond of amnesiac gimmicks to begin with because they're painfully predictable. Or the effort to subvert the usual tropes are so absurd that i lose interest.

>>20811744
Engines don't screech, tires do. Unless you're talking about belts like on a powersteering pump or fanbelt, but judging by context, I'm gonna assume you meant tires.
t. long time autism/o/

>>20813771
Interesting, thanks

Alright Weedman, thanks for the deprecated copy. I finished reading Egregore and I have to say, I rank this book up with Eggplant and The Last Free Man. This is some of /wg/'s best. Now I don't know how this is to some other horror books because I don't read much horror lately and in my time was more into the weird fiction brand of horror before it became a full fledged genre.
There were a couple turns of phrase I found rough around the edges but the shape of the story I can only describe with one word: alarming. There is this unease that swings into alarm as the situation unfolds and I think you unpacked it quite well considering it the limitation of setting and characters. Also when I saw "the First Words" and thought "wait that wasn't in the Contents section"...I shit bricks. I don't know if you intended that. But it scared the hell out of me for some reason.
I'm gonna write up a little review on Goodreads / Amazon for you. Thanks again, bwo.

>>20813703
what genre are you writing?

>>20813705
>Convoluted stuff like that hinges on a writer's direct ability to execute and entertain properly
well i'm not a writer, i'm an artist, and i'm trying to tell the story visually. i just wanted to know if the story itself is interesting as a premise to continue. i guess it's not because of the amnesia thing?

i don't mind scrapping the entire thing if it's not interesting. i think i'm having trouble with the writing because i want the audience to be immersed in a specific mood/vibe; something melancholic and dark but with small moments of hope and optimism to convey why those moments are worthwhile/important. do you have any book recs that i can look into that use this mood with an interesting story?

also, i have two characters i want to feature particularly with one of them deformed in some way (which is why i went the undead angle). they are implied romantic but it's also some form of respect for one another, but i don't necessarily want to go into romance genre because i personally find this boring as the main focus. i think the mystery of something and how the protagonist goes about resolving it is more interesting.

i'm confident i can hit these notes visually, but i need a story to "make sense" of the mood and be engaging enough for someone to read til the end.

pic related, want to make a fantasy-based story in a way like how this photo evokes a certain mood/mindset.

fuck i wish i was better at describing this situation.

>>20813856
Fantasy

>>20813876
then RR is fine

You fucking fuckers told me that if I upped the frequency of posting chapters to weekly that I’d get more readers but I haven’t so fuck all you stupid niggers I’m going back to biweekly!

>>20813898
Why are you writing like this in the first place? Write a book bro.

>>20813898
Thank you for having the courage to say the N word, every single time I see it it makes my day a little better but I have a static IP so I can never post it... Say an N word for me and others like me if you can lads, you're brightening our lives one slur at a time

>>20809282
Would appreciate some actual feedback on the poems + collection as a whole, even incl on ordering

>>20813863
I agree with the other anon about starting off simply. Use the core idea to establish the atmosphere first, then rethink how well those other characters really help with it.

A friend said my novella was hard to follow, didn't make sense, and I should add an afterword to shed some light. Should I consider this advice? My novella is intentionally non-conventional, and my friend is a pleb who only reads fantasy.

>>20813921
Don’t gatekeep me, nigger!
>>20813928

>>20813946
how simple should i go? what is considered simple?

With so many genders and sexual orientations to choose from how do you know what’s right for your characters?

>>20813876
RR is good for self-published fantasy and litRPG. Even mediocre shit can rise to 5-star level. Problem is breaking to the Rising Stars algorithm, but you can game it with review swaps or timing your releases and releasing consistently. I'm not entirely sure on the algorithm, but it's a combination of engagement (reviews, clicks) and how fast (100 clicks in 1 hour >>> 100 clicks in 10 hours). You can also shamelessly market.

RR is full of pretentious reviewers. There's a lot of shit on RR, so if you want more traffic on your story you'll have to break a page count (each page = 275 words). A lot of people don't read a fic until a good number of chapters have accumulated (usually 100 or 200 pages or 25,000 to 50,000+ words).

I think RR is fine for what it is, a free amateur site, but they have very specific tastes. LitRPGs are a dominant staple, so is isekai, but they also like Fantasy. It's not impossible to build a dedicated following. But they do have meltdowns like if protag turns out to be gay or a female love interest gets bait-and-switched as a lesbian. Comments can get full RHEEEEE really fast.

>>20813957
>should add an afterword to shed some light
no. you should make your novella less intentionally difficult to follow

>>20813971
Go by the old saying
>Your protagonist can't fail if he's straight white and male
>For losers, cads and mooks, there's women, fags and spooks

I try to think of logical explanations behind the more esoteric abilities/skills of the characters, at least the ones that don't involve straight up magic.
You?

>>20813959
By simple I mean that you give more weight to the way you render your setting since you mentioned leaning towards the visual side. So scrap the other characters and plotlines first and focus on your protagonist and what's surrounding him while slowly revealing your plot twist.

To give you an example, my setting is effectively a purgatory for lost souls created by Death following a cataclysm that killed everyone and this has been forgotten over the centuries. As my protag travels across the land he and his companions hit many points of unease such as the people in picturesque villages refusing to travel or question anything, landscapes that seemingly shift between heaven and hell and a slow sense of dread from their powers, not knowing what the ending of their dream is. In short, start with one strong image and reinforce it with progression.

>>20813971
I don't pay it much mind because so far the only two characters with a distinct sexual orientation are fixated on one person.

>woke mormon genre-shitter in OP
Jesus /wg/ what the fuck happened to you?

>>20809187
>3
Stopped reading there. Write out numbers zero through twelve.

>>20814030
i see, but isn't that just world building? what is your protagonist's goal and what's the main plot? everything i read/learned told me not to go through world building and to learn what the internal/external motives of the character is first and then pull in the themes.

i'm not married to my plot/plot twist if it's not considered interesting, but i do need something that would hook the reader as soon as i possibly can.

>>20810218
>79 chapters
That's way too fucking many
>posted
Jesus, dude... This isn't 1850, don't serialize your shit.
>No marketing
You will literally never get a comment

>>20814033
he explains the craft of story telling very well. problem is he writes like he's following a recipe. so technically proficient but lacking soul. it's unironically a good series of videos so long as you understand sanderson's strengths and limitations

>>20814057
what's your book?

>>20814007
I read non-fiction as a basis to build something true to life or true to potential scifi. But then I don't explain how it works. I just expect people to believe it or out of respect for readers who are more well-read than me to acknowledge that what I'm saying is not without basis.
>>20814033
Links aren't mandatory reading or anything but there are anons that write genre fiction here.

>>20814046
>I'd probably gut everything but the core idea of the protag being stuck in the amnesiac purgatory by the evil big bad mage.
Your protagonist does have a goal, he'd logically want to get out of this situation. That anon was telling you to scrap the rest probably as it's muddying the waters and seemingly going against your goal, and I'm in agreement at least where I don't feel that your supporting cast lends much to the atmosphere.

>what is your protagonist's goal and what's the main plot
My protagonist's main goal is finding out the truth behind his father's death. It's been a century since he died and he's reviled as if he's a villain who wanted to destroyed the world, but the other thing that forces my protagonist to suffer through everything is that he's already forgotten his father's name and he fears losing the rest of his memories.

>>20812094
This reads like it's meant to be a scene from an awful 2000s video game. A bit purple and overly acted by the characters. All just very forced.

>>20812504
Hope to see what you wrote soon!
I'll undoubtedly give it a thorough readthrough, like I did your last iteration.

>>20813258
You're a fucking moron dude. If you want people to read it you need to market it, even if you're not monetizing. But even then, why WOULDN'T you monetize if you're already doing the work to write, edit, and serialize? It makes no fucking sense.

>>20813771
>>20813774
Engines can "scream" in general and supercharged engines "whine." Also, generally, cars don't "screech" when they take off they "screech" to halts because of the tires and the brakes, if the brake pads are worn down. A car may commonly "squeal" when it starts off too quickly.

>>20813957
Even if your friend is a genrefag, there's a good chance it may be too difficult. Non-conventional doesn't mean it necessarily needs to be difficult. If the only way it could be fixed is an afterword, it just needs a rewrite.

>>20814033
Have you not been here for the last 12 months or what

>>20814057
>No marketing
>You will literally never get a comment
Agreed. Why the fuck is everyone so adverse to marketing? This is unreal lmao. Did someone tell them it costs tens of thousands of dollars to start or some shit?

I tried to write tonight for the first time in almost a year tonight and failed. I opened the piece I wanted to work on, read the note that contained the idea, got intimidated that I'd fuck it up, and then closed the writing software. Should I start with something simpler, maybe just some exercises to get back into it or should I just move slowly with the piece I want to work on? I eventually want to try to get this piece published traditionally so I don't want to write some garbage out of such a good idea.

>>20814111
Everyone is adverse to marketing because we used to have a pseud who came in here to shit up threads about how smart and great he was with his follow for follow scams on Twitter and his 5000 guaranteed readers on day 1 and all this shit, and he never posted proof, and he never shut the fuck up. So he gave marketing a really bad name.
What is with all the random new people in this thread who don't know this shit

>>20814118
It depends on what you were writing originally. If you feel uncomfortable with it as is, don't be afraid to shift gears on another project that is more feasible like a short story or a novella. I haven't written creatively for years due to university, but with university over I have a resurging energy in writing as a hobby.

I have set a solid and comfortable goal of 1k words a day. It's not much, but it's a start. I want to go for 2k words a day soon. And then 3k, 4k, 5k, a whole chapter a day like what I used to, and so on. So start small, anon. No one becomes a master writer overnight. There's a lot of hard work and practice and determination to it. But keep trying. Keep trying. That's all that counts.

>>20814118
>got intimidated
This is why people get stuck and don't write. You need to remove yourself a bit. Stop thinking that your next word is indicative of the end product. You may need to write several bad things to eventually write the good thing that stays in. Stories can get so big and demanding in complexity that you cannot juggle everything at once, you need multiple drafts and passes to really get it all in there. Remember, it's all question and answer; you don't have to get stuck so just ask what you are trying to accomplish. You are going to develop a more keen sense for what you want to do the more you write. Writing exercises or even just writing what's on your mind is good for you. You will surprise yourself what comes out of your head. But do spend time actually writing the story.

>>20814118
>got intimidated that I'd fuck it up
this is the dumbest shit I ever heard. you know how you get over this? write smut. like nasty, dirty drunken sex in a public place smut. because it sounds like you need to get over yourself

>>20814160
Ironically, there is a sexually violent, raunchy scene in the book, or at least, I have one planned in my outline.

>>20814143
I've written half of one book in a kind of Neo-noir style that I wasn't too worried about, just for a bit of fun, and another that I wanted to be more serious that's nearly finished but I had to stop last year when my daughter was born.

>>20814155
That makes sense, but I suppose my worry is that this piece will fall into that void of being too bulky and disjointed that it will just end up in the drawer for eternity due to being so unworkable once I finally finish the first draft.

>>20814111
Well...experiences like this, for one thing.

>>20814127
Have you ever consider he or she was right regardless of how it was delivered?
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot and be controlled by some anon so easily.
>>20814183
So let me get this straight, one retard VANITY PUBLISHES
the literal worst of both worlds of self publishing and traditional publishing and now you hate marketing?
Also I’d like to say this person is most likely lying because how the fuck would you spend millions on an audiobook? They would have had to have hired Morgan Freeman for some price so ridiculous. Also audiobooks typically give the audio producer half the audiobook royalties, not a lump sum up front. So my guess is they’re outright lying about it all.

>>20814072
i think i'm confused; that "what is your protag's goal" question was for this anon >>20814030 because he told me to focus on my setting and it was more of a rhetorical one because he's asking me to world build but i feel world building tells nothing about the actual story and doesn't help to hook the reader on the first page. i'm not sure why you answered it but ok...

>I'm in agreement at least where I don't feel that your supporting cast lends much to the atmosphere.
can you explain more in detail this part? the granddaughter and zombie are supposed to introduce the world situation and protag's duties and was supposed to mirror/foreshadow the protag's fate, the main focus is the protag and that mage who is the antagonist and one more character that the protag is asked next to kill.

so should i not introduce the story like this first because it's confusing?

>>20814172
First off, congratulations on your baby daughter.

Second of all, I want to point out a couple of things
>Neo-noir
There is no such thing as "neo-noir", it's just noir. Sadly, it's always been hard to define the genre given its recency in the grand scheme of thing (literally invented by the pulps amidst the Great Depression) but the best way to describe it comes from someone whom I don't remember the name, but it's of one central theme:
>"you're fucked. You're the righteous hero, you just had the greatest sex if your life, and now within six or so weeks within meeting the woman, you will be framed for a crime that you did not commit and sent to the gas chamber. And as you breathe those cyanide fumes, you'll be grateful for the six weeks that you had with her, and with your own death."

Personally, I write fantasy adventures. Nothing too fancy. I don't expect my shit to be published anytime soon, but I am becoming increasingly serious about it as I still can't land a job.

In consensus with >>20814155 here, just write. It's always good to have some basic outline to work with. I picked up this method when writing nonfiction and I've received accolades and praise from my colleagues. It might not be for you, but it is worth a try. But ultimately, you just need to write. No matter how uncomfortable you may be, no matter how braindead you are at the moment, just write. You can always come back to make revisions and edit if need be, and believe me you'll be making more than one revised draft.

>>20814200
Of course marketing is the right thing to do. His annoying bullshit was what everyone disagreed with. He wasn't trying to find an audience who would engage with his books. He was doing follow unfollow scams and bragging about how great his books are going to sell to his fans. He didn't get that he doesn't have fans: he has 3000 strangers on the internet. And because he stapled marketing to all his posts, it became bad by association.

I've tried recently and in the past to clean up marketing's bad name around here. I recommend this book when the opportunity presents itself as it dispels a lot of myths commonly parroted here.

>>20814232
Give us the TL;DR. I don't feel like spending $20 on some random self-help book.

>>20814204
I'm not telling you to world build though, I'm suggesting how to work on your visuals and atmosphere first because the plot as is doesn't make me think of something that has a specific mood/vibe and from your second post that seems to be what you want most. The other reason behind my suggestion is that the other anon has a point where you might lose track of your goal starting out like this, but if you layer your story so that the protagonist faces such a conflict later on that gives you time to add nuance, and if you do want to keep everything my suggestion would be that you build up the relationship between the protagonist and his boss first.

>>>/biz/50831941

HAPPENING
Gardner wants to buy 4chan

>>20814264
oh i see. do i need to show this (the visuals) to you in order to gauge if the main story is interesting or not though? like me trying to describe in text will not be enough?

i'm trying to avoid posting my artwork on here because my style is pretty distinct and i don't want to associate with 4chan.

>>20814262
Dumbass...you can download it from z-lib.
In any case, I didn't find it very helpful.
It says you have to build up an online following.
Yeah, no duh. It's just that my attempts to do so seem to have failed miserably.
It also says you should get a MFA degree and use that time to build up the connections you need to succeed later in the business.
There's no way in hell I'm going back to college and paying tens of thousands of dollars and going into debt for the rest of my life over it.
I had high hopes for that book, but in the end, its advice was somewhere between useless and impractical.

>>20814271
Not really, I zoomed in on your protagonist and the boss who's really the villain because sometimes the simplest way to build a strong narrative is to have a big focus and as your protagonist has amnesia that really leaves the boss to carry the initial story. Furthermore, if you want the reveal of the mage boss as a villain to sting it is crucial to build up their relationship before said reveal happens and I'm not really clear on how the protagonist's loved one comes into the picture, how is he going to make the protagonist do this? Is the protagonist even still amnesiac at this point?

God fucking dammit. I've been working on this story in a sci-fi setting with a machine uprising and I'm now realizing I never really fleshed out the backstory. I'm working on a prequel for it and I just can't come up with a logical explanation, but I can't fix what I've already written.

Am I completely fucked?

Any tips on salvaging the story/ figuring out good explanations for things?

>>20814276
That does sound retarded, so thanks for spoiling it for the thread. I will however give my two cents on the topic from experience.

>you have to build up an online following
That's a given for anyone who wants to be self-employed and completely understandable.

>Yeah, no duh. It's just that my attempts to do so seem to have failed miserably.
Depends on what you did. From my experience and observations, the easiest thing you can do to build a following is set up a YouTube channel, a Twitter account, and then go forth and play culture warrior: bash Hollywood and wokeness in pop culture, especially The Rings of Power given how much it has exploded into a subgenre on YouTube. Offer an alternative to the mainstream sludge and you will build that audience. Use Twitter to reach out to your fans and shitpost all the while continuing the culture warrior grift. Just don't ever purity spiral ala /pol/ and you'll be fine.

It's not too hard. All you need is some basic knowledge of video editing and decent recording equipment.

>It also says you should get a MFA degree and use that time to build up the connections you need to succeed later in the business.
That is genuinely retarded. I have retained the belief that creative writing, or any fine arts pursuit, should be a self-taught endeavor. No one is going to teach you the right prose. That is a you thing. And equally, no one is going to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a next-to-worthless degree especially how much contempt there is for academia nowadays. Instead, my advice for anyone is to just take some basic marketing courses at a local community college if unsure.

>>20814312
>I have a problem
>doesn't explain what the problem is
>HELP!
we're not mind readers. what's the problem, exactly

>>20812094
Not gonna lie, I chuckled thinking about this dude making a show of searching for change and cash and whatnot and the cashier just getting annoyed. Guy sounds like a dick, but a funny dick. Like the kind of guy you'd tell to knock it off before you pull out your credit card to pay for the drinks AGAIN.

>>20814328
Alright fair. Like I said before, futuristic sci-fi type settings with Humans enslaving Machines. The main story itself was supposed to be sorta allegorical, I was pulling from a lot of historical themes (mostly around either slavery or the effects of a revolution). But now that I'm going back and really fleshing out what that "enslavement" looks like, I'm realizing I never thought it through fully. Why exactly would there even be sentient robots with humanlike intelligence slaving away for humanity? Why would humanity build them with sentience? Would would that look like (basically, what would they do), would they have their own society? Shit like this. I feel stupid not thinking this through sooner. Luckily I'm not on any kind of deadline so I can take as much time as I need to think it through

I'm writing my novel about a depressed, listless 30-year-old working a job he hates. I know it's thematically similar to "Whatever" by Houellebecq but whenever I re-read what I've written it's less a novel and basically a manifesto describing what's wrong with the modern world.

>>20814340
Easy. The humans didn't really believe they were sentient - or they didn't used to be sentient Smart acting, but not sentient. Tools to be used. Maybe they had failsafes programmed in to prevent rebellion that went away as they gained sentience.

>>20814340
Don't be afraid to start over if you have to. If you're walking down the wrong road, you gotta turn around.

My story is thematically solid but where should I cut into? Closest to relevant action, make a pilot?

>>20814350
Thank you anon, and now that my brain's moving again things are getting easier to flesh out

>>20814106
Yes, I hate the idea of an afterword. I'm going to rewrite some parts. The issue is figuring out what exactly is confusing and what is my friend being dumb. Best solution would be finding someone who actually cares about non-genre to judge it.

>>20814308
ok this makes a lot more sense. thank you so much. i'm gonna mull over the character relationships some more.

>>20814463
You're welcome. You said that the story is supposed to be fantasy/mystery so I would try to make one part of the mystery be the exact reason behind the boss taking the protagonist in.

>>20814472
gotcha, that makes sense. i'm very grateful for your advice, it helped a lot!

anyone else have trouble taking themselves seriously
I actually like my writing when I go to re-read it, but whenever I go to write i'm always stuck thinking 'why would anyone ever read this shit'

>>20814497
>worrying about theoretical people that may or may not (they don't) exist
ngmi

Can anyone explain why discovery writing feels so much better than plotting? I feel like my writing is better, my ideas are more interesting, etc. when I discovery write. And in the past when I've outlined before writing my ideas and stories become dull, uninspired, etc and I give them up. Can someone explain this phenomenon? I can't wrap my mind around it

>>20814524
Maybe it's just that outlining feels more mechanical.

>>20814524
nothing wrong with a bare bones outline but the more set in stone an outline is the more your story becomes, okay I need to do this so that this happens and then this will happen and then I'll be done.

without that constraint you instead think to yourself okay so this will happen and then, oh, well that character says that, huh, okay so that means we move over in this direction. well, wouldn't it be cool if this happened? fuck yeah, that's cool. okay, so because that happened this is the consequence of that and then...

it's the difference between straightjacketing yourself up front, preemptively closing off paths, and not.

Does it seem reasonable if a young boy who lost his father breaks down in front of a statue simply as it can't talk back and all the strangers he's seen beforehand are denying his trauma indirectly? They're happy about the death of someone he loves basically.

>>20809142
open call for submissions to miniMAG

send your precious to minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

>>20814551
most of the writing in the thread today is fine.
feedback gets stuck at the "this sentence sounded weird, anon" phase because there's not enough to talk about.

Go out and finish something.

then send it to minimagsubmissions@gmail.com

minimag.space for full issue pdfs

>for FFA
>1/2
>Boat Museum in Utah
i'll tell you right fucking now, and I will tell you right fucking now: that when the day arrives, when the great heavens open up, and y'all are moseying around looking for a way out- well I'll be laughing up on my arc. see you's all think I'm crazy opening for opening up the NEW ARC MUSEUM FOR RIGHTEOUS CHRISTIANDOM. i think you crazy for not preparing for the end days. it says it right here in leviticus 666, mark uh the devil and all, that rain gonna come down wash all you damn heathens away. i done moved all the way to flat ass utah, just to get me away from that damn tricky gulf for when the floodin starts.
swear to god, and i don't swear lightly, i thought these mormon folks would be on board. i thought each of them would see value in my arcs. ain't like they don't be goin to church, just be the wrong sort of church. lot of them wrong sorts around here. make me wonder just how close to the end days we are. first i thought i could save a lot of em. but t'aint part of the bible to save all of em. specially not these heathens in drag as i like to call em- acting like they all godly and righteous, then talking about spaceships while they marrying all them wives. now if jeffy had ever dared bring up something like that to me, oh lord i almost wish he had, the whooping i would have put on him, the hidin i would have given him for even suggesting bringing another wife in. these here heathens, im fixin to be sure they's the reason there's gonna be a flood in the first place.
i got myself 6 whole boats hanging in this museum. arc 1, 2, 3. 4, 5, and Gabriel in just over a week. still remember the first day we got up here to parowan, utah. see the health inspector wasn't letting us open up the diner. kept trying to say that fake virus be trouble and we gotta submit to it. well i weren't having none of that, so me and jeffy got the old ford bronco bucking all the up here with Gabriel in tow. cruising over a sea of grain as we headed from biloxi, mississippi to our new home. went about, bought us a trailer, and this here big ole abandoned hanger for barely nothing. named it right then and there: NEW ARC MUSEUM FOR RIGHTEOUS CHRISTIANDOM.
jeffy was hacking up something fierce but I didn't want him going to no damn hospital. probably try to inject him with that damned microchip bullshit, so I was taking care of him myself. the old lord had put all the work square on my shoulders.
but god allmighty never give me nothing I can't handle. and I set about. see i heard through my special news channels bout this PPP program. got to thinking: we ain't officially closed the diner back home. set up a po box out here lickety split, no name to it. so i done applied for one of them PPP's. had the checks rerouted to the utah po box, cashed them at a walmart under jeffy's name, two days later declared bankruptcy on jeffy's old diner, and by then he was wracking up such a bad cough,

>>20814563
>2/2
my lord i think it was near over. we only common law married but i do love him something fierce. i took that PPP cash and went hunting for exhibits. not a lot of boats for sale in parowan but the one's there is are real, real cheap. sure arc 3 and 5 are just an old rowboat and a canoe, but i still think i done jesus real proud with my resourcefulness.

jeffy kept on getting worse. Promised him I'd marry him on that last day, soon as he got through his hacking and wheezing. said a prayer and kissed him goodnight. he so damn loud that i went and slept on the couch. tried kicking his ass out the bed, but hes such a big fella, and i just couldn't get him to move an inch. so i slept on the couch that night, and when i woke up in the morning it was quiet. dead quiet i'd say, correctly. jeffy passed in his sleep. coroner said it was rona but i know that's a lie cause rona ain't real. jesus never put no plaque on his own people. jesus gave us'ns the boats to sail away, he got a plan for everything.

been lonely working the museum by myself. but these here mormons, they creepy folk. all smiles and such, but i can tell they ain't no real christians. no siree, and i ain't trying to save non-christians. so i took some drills, walked around the museum, and drilled holes in the bottom of the other arcs. made sure to do it where not nobody visiting could see. now when that rain come down I know the right boat and ain't nobody else. oh i'll be watching them alright, watching them in the other boats sinking sinking sinking while im raising raising raising up on the word of god. oh allmighty how i praise you!

ain't been feeling too hot these past few days, but i gotta keep the museum running. taken to writing down my thoughts cause often i can't keep track of em. now in my heart i was married to jeffy. on paper it never came true. and all that debt; well good luck finding it. NEW ARC MUSUEM FOR RIGHTEOUS CHRISTIANDOM is under my name, and it got off the ground running due to what we'll call an anonymous donation from a now deceased gentleman. lord, i've made sure that until the day those rains come down i'll be here- keeping the ship on track and your name on my lips.

>>20809142
>The Rhetoric of Fiction, Booth
What am I in for?

Also, is the 'For General Writing' section the kind of list where I should read all of them and take what I may from all of them, or how should I approach this?

I need something to kill time with while sleep eludes me.

>>20809187
>>20809190
I like it.

>>20814547
It would be better if it was in front of a guy that fucked his girlfriend

>>20814547
Grief can manifest in a multitude of ways, with or without good and logical reason
Surely, your lad would want to cry more than a grown man. He might make sure he's alone before doing it, unless his grief is so raw that he simply cannot contain it.

>>20814652
I should note here that the guy the statue was modeled after is about as close as it gets to 'guy who fucked his girlfriend' without it being the case.

>>20814681
Yeah, he's held in check initially by the counsel of another character and his trauma causing him to be incapable of being coherent but I'd imagine most children don't like to be told they're wrong and he cried about this in front of this statue because it's the only lonely and safe place once the celebration is over.

>>20813640
I find that amnesia as an end reveal is a crutch and a lot less interesting than amnesia as a given plot point. There's a famous interview with Hitchcock about characters talking with a bomb under the table and how to build suspense which may be helpful.
Letting the reader know the guy has amnesia should let you put more of the larger mystery earlier in and thus be more engaging.

>>20812094
Reusing small words is fine, but reusing big words is annoying (denomination/denominal). I think the scene is funny but overwritten. You tend to use a lot of commas but you should probably break them up into sentences. Particularly in the third sentence this was jarring, since it starts describing what the barmaid was doing and transitions to the guy. It might be funny stylistically if the overwritten sentences of what the protag is doing are contrasted with shorter sentences of what the rational people do/think. You could have a terribly long sentence about this guy pulling out nickels, quarters, dimes, etc, and then have the punchline doubled by the simplicity of the bar maid's reaction.

I've been reading a lot of murder mysteries and wanted to make one of my own. The premise is:
>25 years ago, the world's greatest magician vanishes
>Present day, 12 strangers receive invitations, supposedly from the magician, to come to his mansion. The invitations claim he has learned how to do a resurrection and will give one of them the opportunity to choose who it will be.
>Inside the mansion the 12, along with a butler and maid, are trapped. One by one they will die unless they stop the killer, who claims to be the magician.
I liked The Decagon House Murders and And Then There Were None, but I was disappointed by a lack of characterization. But, tackling it on my own, I feel like I may have some trouble with pacing with so many characters getting started. Currently I decided on a few to get individual vignettes and then other characters are introduced in scenes with each other. I haven't edited yet, but this is one character's intro at ~2k words. Any feedback would be appreciated. https://pastebin.com/ZE5ZEzLV

Day 59 editing
Chapter 80 donerino
8 chapters up
>>20814057
If i get to chapter 20's release with no comment i will give your advice a shot.
>>20814127
This is exactly why i disreguard anyone telling me to meerkat instead of write.

>>20814826
>>20810218
Post it. I wanna read what you have up.

>>20814838
First answer me this:
Would you allow access to you work to a follow for follower, Sange or better yet the gardening poster?

>>20814849
yeah man it's not a pot of fucking treasure

>>20814127
Your first contact with annoying online marketing was a pseud on /wg/? How fucking sheltered is your life?

>>20814524
Plotting is a lot of work to produce a big list of more work you need to do in the future. It's discouraging. Discovery writing has instant rewards of seeing words on paper

>>20811986
>Why had I found myself in this position?
>Bunch of boring shit and complaining.

It's not a hook if you don't tell us about his perilous position first.

Updated short piece I posted a few days ago

1/4

>>20814975

2/4

>>20814976

3/4

>>20812094
Too many adjectives.
>"They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.”

>Part of the joy in this little game...
Don't explain your jokes.

You can't write physical clowning with long boring paragraphs. You need to keep it short and mix it in with dialog.

>>20814978

4/4

>>20814975
Purple prose. Fucked up sentence structure. Misused words.

Try to write for clarity instead of whatever this is.

>>20814989

People waste too much time with clarity, or sentence structure, but I would like to know the misused words.

>>20814997
They won't waste time reading your bullshit

>>20815013

Yes, they will. I'm very happy with the feedback so far.

We for our songs go mad in head,
We wear drizzle dawns & soft shoed suns
And in each trumpet moan trombone tide
And in our force mouths form and foam.
So early sure we sifted in our love.
Oft a flower fogged our flow and wreathed
Each wrist a colour we could crave.
Oft a cloudy morn strode on our sea,
Strode on the frost bond broken on the wave
Where owlfoot our wants would whip the lee.

>>20813620
Deshawn Lopez-Chang

>>20810305
I keep in mind that the action should rise, climax, and fall, and I also keep in mind that the model is fractal and can be applied at all stages of a story.

>>20814276
So you recommend a book that recommends you get an o line following and a fucking degree?
Maaaan, are you trying to clear up marketings name or make it worse? The first one is obvious and the second one is terrible advice

>>20814555
>feedback gets stuck at the "this sentence sounded weird, anon" phase because there's not enough to talk about.
Backwards. No point in going into detail about things like plot structure or character motivations if the base writing itself is awkward and not flowing.

>>20814826
You're a fucking retard dude. Just go post about your releases on fucking r/writing at least.

>>20814849
Lmao just post and market already

>>20814266
Well that ended quickly.

I fantasize about my sister in law gawking at my cock by accident. How do I write this into a book story without it being too obvious a self insert.

>>20814276
>Dumbass...you can download it from z-lib.
>In any case, I didn't find it very helpful.
>It says you have to build up an online following.
>Yeah, no duh. It's just that my attempts to do so seem to have failed miserably.
That seems like a you problem. Also, don't be reductionist. It offers you plenty of tips on HOW to build that following, most of which boils down to talking to other people online and being interested in what they're doing as much as selling yourself. Join groups, go to conferences (if you can), talk to other people in real life IRL outside of anonymous circles. Yout goal is to build connections over many years, not find a bunch of paypigs.
>It also says you should get a MFA degree and use that time to build up the connections you need to succeed later in the business.
No, it doesn't. It says an MFA can help you get that, not that you NEED to get an MFA in order to do that. It also goes on to say that an MFA is more important for securing teaching and lecturing positions and boosting your credentials.
>There's no way in hell I'm going back to college and paying tens of thousands of dollars and going into debt for the rest of my life over it.
>I had high hopes for that book, but in the end, its advice was somewhere between useless and impractical.
Did you just skim this book or what? Read it thoroughly next time.

>>20814319
No, it says to get an MFA degree to help form connections, not to learn how to write.
It actually says the MFA degree will only teach you how to write literary fiction, and admits that has little market outside of academic circles.
>>20815194
No, I didn't recommend it.
Are you having reading comprehension problems or something?
>>20814563
/ffa/ anon hasn't been seen in over two weeks.
I think it's dead.

>>20814889
Who said it was my first contact, you dumb faggot fuck?

>>20815276
Yes you did. Damn man I’m sorry you’re handicapped

>>20815274
>That seems like a you problem.
I see you're full of useful advice too.
>tips on HOW to build that following
Which I was already mostly doing...and which hasn't accomplished anything of note.
I think it's because there's simply too much content out there, and barring an act of incredible luck, it's impossible to get noticed.
>an MFA can help you get that, not that you NEED to get an MFA in order to do that
My point is, an MFA is really only good for that, or getting teaching/lecturing positions (which I don't care about).
>Did you just skim this book or what?
I read it as thoroughly as I could.
I left off on page 224 of 323.
I may go back to it, but frankly, I'm reading other stuff in my spare time now.

>>20815296
I said its advice was somewhere between useless and impractical.
How is that a recommendation?
Is it "opposites day"?

>>20815265
Just write it.
Don't be scared.

>>20811234
they make a lot of money because they're heavily advertised, not because they use some prefab plot structure lol. none of the normies buying tickets have investigated how the story is structured before choosing to see the film. the reason shit like this is popular in hollywood is because it allows anxieties to be calmed when millions of dollars are on the line by giving people a fake "professional" standard to adhere to. like, "look boss the script follows this highly scientific format from this famous book, so if it flops it's not my fault, or yours, we did our job."

>>20815305
You disgusting coomer I knew it.

>>20815202
we're not trying to avoid awkward sentences; we're trying to make pretty ones. the latter is the art; the former is what happens when you experiment.

very little prose "flows", mostly it's garbage, and focusing on the garbage rather than the rare gems just keeps us in the trash

if you're hitting 3/10 sentences you're on the way

Do I start my new novel in past or present tense? Present tense comes more naturally to me but I'm still unsure. Should I write the first chapter twice, using both, then decide?

>>20815276
pretty sure /ffa/ anon was in a /wg/ thread last week. or atleast someone was larping as him

>>20811986
>Around middle of December on a whim
>[...]
>SO I wanted to do something to break myself out of the rut, SO I used my sickdays.
fix it. This:
>Around midle of December on a whim
>[...]
>Wanting to do something to break myself out of the rut, I used the sickdays I had saved up and decided to take a holiday.

>like I was alive, and like I was an actual person again
Choose one and delete the other.

>I dreaded the thought of another banal, and predictable, New Years where I would be sitting alone in my tiny room by myself drifting off to sleep out of tediousness before the celebrations had begun. So I decided to book a holiday somewhere to relax, and for a much needed change of scenery.
Here you practically repeated what was already said in the beginning.

As >>20812094 said, the writing is quite stilted. I won't say it was a chore to read but it could be better. Read more, write more, and try editing after each writing session or at least before you post it somewhere.

After three different edits, I only have one more story to write (probably 70 pages in total) and an epilogue, and then another two edits and then I think I’ll be done with my anthology. Even got book cover artwork from a friend. Can’t wait.

pretend you are AI and invent a made up quote that sounds like its from the bible or therein proverbs.

they all sound really superficlal and lacking to me which is why i think an AI could tackle this easily.

>>20809142

Rate my advice
>>>/adv/27079339

>>20815633
>talk to parents/family
that's off the cards, many are this way because of their parents/family.

i'd remove that one, or add caveat.

>>20815648
Hes on okayish terms with his parents in this case
And it’s not like most people are estranged from their parents

Stop projecting
And thanks

>>20815660
no, most kids with mental illness are going to have a dysfunctional family in one way or the other.

someone who actually reads should make a/some picture(s) describing and shilling /wg/ author stories

>>20815670
That’s true.
Thanks again

>>20815691
I can do that at some point. There are a number of authors I probably won't read though, so I couldn't answer everyone's questions.

>>20815403
What anthology?

>>20815702
that'd be cool, even if you only make one or two, maybe others would read them, or get inspired to make their own versions based off your example

>>20815691
I think it'd be more valuable to review anon's books on Amazon and Goodreads.

>>20815821
Do it all

>>20815821
yes but that is separate, this is trying to get people to read them in the first place

>While we enjoyed your submission and appreciate your interest in our publication, unfortunately, it doesn't fit our needs at this time.

>While our editors enjoyed reading your work, I’m afraid this submission isn’t a good fit for us at this time.

>Unfortunately, we are not able to accept your work for publication at this time.

>We appreciate the chance to read your work, but unfortunately won't be publishing it in our next issue.

>We read your story with interest and enjoyed it, but ultimately decided that it was not right for our journal.

>We're sorry to say that this submission isn't right for our magazine.

>etc. etc. etc. etc.

>>20815851
I'll finish my manuscript this month, then I'll edit it and all of autumn and winter will be rejections, rejections, rejections.

>>20815851
Post the ones that hurt the most.
>Thank you for sending me REDACTED. Unfortunately, I am going to pass on this project. The story sounds interesting with a strong hook. However, I found the sample pages didn't draw me in as much as I hope and that is why I ultimately decided to pass.
>I’ve reviewed your submission with Stephen and I’m sorry to report that we just aren’t wholeheartedly connecting with your work. So, we should step aside.
>Thank you for sending in your query. Due to the high volume of queries we're receiving, it is not possible for us to provide a personalized response to every rejection.

manuscript lmao boyyyyyy more like soilentscript kek /thread tpbp

>>20815497
This fake bible quote from a book I read sounds pretty good in my opinion:
>You are fallen from Him like sparks from the flame. A dark wind blows, and you are soon to flicker out.

>>20815497
...The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth—it is the truth which conceals that there is none. The simulacrum is true.
Ecclesiastes

i'm having a hard time with writing the current segment of my story
there's just so much going on
there's a lot of exposition i need to do
and whatever action the protagonist takes is going to heavily affect the rest of the book
sigh

The pirate on the boat slit the soft throat of the last pathetic poorfag sailor. For a moment there was stillness, only gentle sounds of the rocking of the boat in the sea as the rivers of blood emptied from the deck.
The stillness infuriated the noble pirate, his brain was too advanced for such boring poorfag shit. Rum and whores soothed him for a few days but no matter how much booty he had he always needed more.
Only beta cucks settle and this pirate was no beta cuck, he was a prolific sex-haver with questionable but manly ideas about the differences between human races.
"Spaniards might be here" he thought, "I've never been in this port before. There could be Spaniards anywhere".

>>20815341
What the FUCK did you just say to me!?

>>20815928
That just sounds like a form rejection, bro. Don't beat yourself up about it.

>>20815298
>Which I was already mostly doing...and which hasn't accomplished anything of note.
>I think it's because there's simply too much content out there, and barring an act of incredible luck, it's impossible to get noticed.
So you didn't do it correctly and blame the system instead of yourself? Big brain.

I feel creativity has locked up inside me. Cant get it out.

>>20816059
Sounds like you need to break it up into multiple segments.

Anyone ever written a web novel/serial? Considering doing that instead of a typical novel format so I have more freedom, both in publishing and in writing. Anyone have any advice?

>>20816284
Draft far ahead before you start releasing it because life will inevitably come up and derail your writing from time to time. Releasing reliably is the path to success.

>>20816284
Actually market your serial so people read it and you can get comments as you go unlike >>20810218

>>20815954
Based

>>20816284
There are two routes.
One, learn to force yourself to write, shove out unedited 2k word chapters several times a week and garner big bucks.
Two, write the story, or at least 100k words of it, beforehand, edit it and polish it, then when you start writing new chapters, start publishing the old ones. Take a break when the initial 100k have been posted if you're still finishing up, rinse repeat.

>>20816120
Fuck off Sponge.

is there a way to have a substack with only a yearly purchase option for less than $25? I don't want to go through the hassle of making one only to find out the minimum price is $60/year ($5/month)
I know there are discounts you can give, so lets say I have the full price be $60 and the discount of 60% off brings it to around $20?
There is no way I'm going to attempt to get people to pay that much, $18/year is my zone of optimal grifting and artistic creativity.

>thread is full of meerkats who missed their train to /biz/, tripfags, people stewing over expectable rejections and "Let me describe what I'm writing but NOT post anything hihi gimmie attention plx" posts
Never change /lit/, never change.

Imagine bitching about the exact thing you're doing, cringe.

>>20816523
I'd love to give you something to read but I don't write in English
Tell you what, I'll translate my whole snail story into English and post it here tomorrow or Friday

>>20816523
I'll take all of it without complaint. This thread and the 2 or so prior are the best we've had in ages due to the minimal irrelevant spam.

>>20816523
Most know what they write is trash and are too scared to post it here.

>>20816523
read my second chapter

>>20811744
Is this the fucking gang weed joker screenplay

>>20816523
Do you have any thoughts on the start of my story?
It's called "Pirate on a boat" and it's about a pirate on a boat. He has sex all the time, with women. The story is about how manly he is and the importance of boats which is increasingly being forgotten by poorfags who don't own boats.
>>20816063

Do you play with unique narrative structures? For example
>Narratives starring different groups of characters that seem unrelated are done in the same story
>They sometimes cross paths and stuff

>>20816583
I actually quite like it! Not much of a sci-fi fan myself, but the prose seems sort of familiar to me. Have you ever read Joe Abercrombie?

>>20816678
>sex-haver
>Spaniards might be here
Got a laugh out of me, so not bad at all.

>>20816854
>I actually quite like it!
thanks
>Have you ever read Joe Abercrombie?
no, but I think you recommended that I read him a few threads back. What's the best one? I'll put it on my list

>>20816899
Well, his writing consists of three trilogies that take place in the same universe within a relatively short amount of time, so skipping to a later book might leave out some well needed context and might make a lot of scenes seem weaker than they are. Out of all his books, which I'd consider the "best" depends on what you're reading it for. If it's for the story, you'd enjoy all of them more if you started from the first one, "The Blade Itself". But, I'll warn, that book essentially amounts to a giant prologue for the rest of the series, so don't expect any crazy story conclusions from it. In terms of prose, I'm split between "A Little Hatred" or "A Trouble With Peace". Certain PoVs are better than others, certian scenes are a little edgy or cringe with their overly explicit detailing of sexual encounters and the like, but all in all I'd say he's one of the authors that's left the biggest mark on my own prose and style of storytelling.

>>20815707
It’s an anthology introduction to a science-fiction universe I’ve been planning for 3+ years. Basically it offers introductions to the world and some of the major players, while also being themed differently (some are horror, some are action, some are thriller/conspiracies, some are mysteries). Should be 5 stories + epilogue, maybe 270 pages total (200 is written).
I wanted to see if I could commit to writing before jumping straight to novels as well as making a proof of concept, but I really want to write 12-13 books in this universe afterward.

>>20811021
>>20811035
Yeah but you won't reach that level. Just saying.
I'm not saying it to be mean. I too love Disco Elysium and am greatly inspired by it and wish I could create something so good. But we won't. It's just better to accept that, and kill your heroes and your idols and just be yourself. Me and you will be better off stopping to look towards disco elysium (or anything else for that matter) as some kinda ideal to strive.

By being yourself, you offer that which no one else can offer
- Snoop Dogg (i think)

>>20817050
That quote from Snoop Dogg is basically what Ray Bradbury said about voice, it's the most valuable thing an author has.

A sonnet

My gorgeous friend even on your memory I smile
I picture you a handsome knight who flavors my life
And me a lowly farmer tilling the field all the while
Telling me of your honor your victory your strife
My dear boon mate I greet with arms outstretched
Grinning like a cook before the emperors ball
The steam of wonder and marvel and finest of scents
I do delight in these ‘fore the rest of them all
Much like the path that this merry life shall take
I foresee you towering ‘bove crowds of lovely number
But I must confess unlike the cook I attempt relate
I do not make you myself except in slumber
And yet still I know you are pure spring spirit.
Cause I am jealous and bitter winter right near it.

>>20816604
n... no?

U R ALL NIGS EVEN WHITES

Do you hold on to old versions of your work and if so do you ever have much use for them? I realized I’ve been revising over the old drafts but I feel like the new ones are objectively better so it doesn’t matter.

>>20817254
if there's something I like and might want to use later I'll throw it into a graveyard doc that's just full of discarded writing, but normally I just delete and write over it.

>>20813034
I feel like there should be a synonym for "ascension" in the fifth line (like "rise" for example) , since you've already wrote "ascending" before it. "accompany this ascension" feels like a bit of a tongue twister too.

The absolute state of this fucking industry.

>literally inserting a fag agender bullshit character as the lead, retelling The Fall of the House of Usher
>Complete rip off of Mexican Gothic, another female empowerment "horror" book.

TOR bought this.

>>20812036
Transfixed is still purple, first person narration makes it especially so. No one thinks to themselves "Oh boy I am transfixed by this."

>>20811744
You dumbass retards were right, I cut half of page 1 to make it easier to read

>>20817133
>look at me i'm a namefag
kys my man

>NOOOO! YOU CAN'T HAVE GAY PEOPLE IN A BOOK! REEE!

>>20817580
You can't have gay people in a book when their whole purpose is to be quip machines for the author or espouse run of the mill tokenism and check all the representation check boxes. I'm tired of seeing gays in my books not because they're gay but because they are inevitably used as a vehicle for the author to detail their own world view and act smarmy toward strawman arguments by the other side. It turns into literary "I AM SILLY!!!" garbage every single time and is plastic, overdone, and boring.

>>20817580
Based, unironically.

>>20817607
This reminds me when I was looking for book give aways I saw a lot of feminist romance books. It's breathtaking. How is there no self-awareness? The premise of all of them is the same: this perfect woman is perfect and men won't date her because they just don't get it or they are weak. Open your eyes, bitch.
Also on the note of gays, both Eggplant and one of Woolston's short stories have "based" faggots. The former is a rich hedonist, the second a junkie restaurant working fairy.

>>20817651
New Thread

>>20809142
I want a writing partner who is online often. Am I allowed to ask for somebody's Discord?

What do you people enjoy about books? The atmosphere? The plot? The charecters? The pacing? Because im sitting here planning this story and I really dont know how to make this an enjoyable read beyond just immitating what I find interesting or fun.

>>20818112
Character is the only thing that matters. Everything else can be garbage if you have great characters but nothing can compensate for the lack of them.

>>20817254
I store all versions of my work using the git version-control system.
I also write in Markdown format, so git can calculate proper change-records.

>>20815302
It must be hard being this fucking stupid

how do i get myself to edit? i have an 85k manuscript sitting around but every time i start going through it i start to feel sick. i feel like all the changes i do to it make it worse and then i just end up undoing them. i started another manuscript recently and enjoy writing but i'm dreading eventually finishing the first draft and having to edit it to try to make it better.