/lit/ - Literature

Fellow readers, how do you do?

>>21249281
Who’s to blame for /lit/ being in the gutter this year? Is it /pol/? Incels? Zoomers? Debatelords?

>>21249310
Everything has become vapid and soulless in this modern day.
Let us go back to reading.

My ass is a swamp.

My 11 y.o. sister was complaining about her science teacher and how seemed to treat all the girls worse than the boys.
I jokingly said "Oh, so he's an incel?" not expecting her to know what that meant and then she said "No, he's married." and then I said, "Uhh, yeah, but that's not what I meant by incel, I just meant so he hates women", to which she replied "that's not what incel means. Incel means involuntary celibate so he can't be one since he's married and has kids".
WTF? why the fuck do kids know all of this shit nowadays? What the fuck are they watching to even know what any of this means? I'm going to have to get her off of Discord somehow (she unironically bought Nitro).

I'm engaged to a Chinese woman.
How do I make it less cringe?

>>21249329
Let us read then. I still wish I could come here during reading breaks to talk about or read about one of my favorite hobbies. I guess the world changes though

>>21249383
Get contacts, and stop wearing cargo shorts and sandals with socks

>>21249393
I was at a cafe with her recently, and I noticed a 50 yo pasty fat white guy on a date with a 30 yo filipina and i just hoped ppl werent comparing us. to be fair, we look like an actual couple and not some weird mail order situation. shes not a fob, shes an abc, and shes not the stereotypical "submissive" type, at least not by looks. i look very normal too, and i dont wear glasses.

>>21249407
who cares what people think if you are both happy

>>21249366
Bro be careful one of my friends, her brother drove to Ohio to kidnap a 15 yo from discord and only got v8 with the girl in texas. She's still cleaning piss bottles out of the guys room.

>>21249281
Quite bizarre that in US, Democrats kept control of Senate. Humans certainly are cattle and wish to be enslaved, considering they didn't rebuke the past two years of COVID restrictions and absolute dog shit economy. Modal person clearly wishes to be enslaved and made poor in his or her's mind, as long as it can "own" some perceived enemy (Blimp)

>>21249310
An under the radar reason is the consequences of the “based/cringe” meme, and the “yes.” meme. The former has killed any possibility of nuance. Rarely do I see someone praising certain areas of books and criticizing others. It is all or nothing. Often it has to do with ideological reasons which make it worse. The “yes.” meme has led to anons not defending their stance or being stubborn on silly hills

TLDR; memes have contributed to the decline

is cargo cult thinking a type of magical thinking

>>21249456
Yes, since it inverses the causal relation.

I'm so drunk and vulnerable.
I hope a literature loving lady doesn't come by and take me,

>>21249501
sounds like youre protesting a bit too much

>>21249501
nigga sounds like you want a bf

>>21249501
>literature loving lady
u mean a retarded Coleen Hoover fan?
women dont read real literature

>>21249536
Come on, bro. Don't act like you don't want a book babe to dominate you.

>>21249539
It's so hard to find a woman that doesn't exclusively read young adult percy jackson tier shit.
But I know they exist.

>>21249540
>book babe

describe ur ideal /lit/ gf

lol they call it democracy only if the democratic party wins the election

>>21249551
they dont exist, kek

>>21249432
NTA but can you try again without the ESLese?

I had sex again after 5 years. The woman's pussy was several times darker than her normal skin tone. I wonder if its because she had experience with other partners or it was because she was a little chubby. Definitely not like the first chick I had sex with.

>>21249560
thats part of the con. they're going to force an association of the terms so that the average voter will feel like "an insurgent" if they dont vote D. Other associations like "trump republicans" and "maga republicans".

>>21249569
it’s normal, esp for olive skinned or darker skinned chicks. weight can contribute. sex with others doesnt cause it

>>21249570
It's hilarious to observe this in real time

>>21249554
>5'11
automatic
>black hair
automatic
>dresses conservative and hides extremely hot figure
automatic

>>21249575
Huh, I still have a lot to learn.

I am reading a book about the relationship of my country and another, which is deeply interesting and influential for both countries and yet, I can't find another book on Amazon with more information.
Should I go to state library or something? Or go to an university and try to find a college paper?

>>21249591
No. Do something better with your time

>>21249591
That sounds fucking stupid.
Try a local thrift or second hand bookstore, they always have obscure local books.

>>21249281
Girlfriend caught me browsing /lit/

>>21249618
She thinks you're a weirdo now,
it's over, anon.

Bone-thin priest of end-time cult standing, arms upheld to the sky, at lip of volcanic caldera, laughing with tears, cuts on corners of mouth dripping, breathing toxic mixture of sulferous fumes and razor-sharp microsilicate structures, burnt brown robe ripped at edges flapping in the roiling smoke. Illiterate third world farmer going for a swim in contaminated unnaturally warm pond, bare feet scraping on exposed hospital X-ray source cracked open at the bottom, cuts between toes in direct contact with unstable isotopes, skin from chest down reddened from exposure to organic chlorine and fluorine compounds. Senior management of unnamed military branch lobbying for continuation of behind-schedule eighth-generation fighter-jet program costing approx X billion per annum denies accusations of engine production worker carcinogen exposure, denies motion to improve personal protective gear standards at production plant due to cost. Third day of post-eruptive darkness entombing municipal sewage worker in county waste processing maintenance tunnel through ash deposits caking all exits, oxygen levels lowered causing confusion and headache, muscles too weakened to dig ash deposits away from ventilation shaft grille, tapping sound through outside-facing wall no longer heard. South Pacific amateur radio operator banging HAM setup rackmount with fist in frustration following appearance of all-band background static blocking transmissions glancing at window where daylight too dim for the hour. Burning ambulance exceeding speed limit impacting concrete embankment at ninety miles an hour as buzzing and drilling noise comes from inside. Office worker attacking boss with blowtorch. Fast-food line cook looking left, looking right, swallowing, lunging headfirst into heated fry oil. Balding executive in sweat-stained suit climbing 5G tower overlooking busy highway intersection in order to commit suicide by hanging at peak of rush hour, left hand dripping blood, neck covered in scratches. Shivering and underweight, scratching at door of continuity-of-government bunker complex sealed ten minutes ago, wind blowing to and fro like breath of gigantic whale, voice too weak to cry out, then slumped on icy concrete naked, staring at unfeeling right hand opening and closing. Holding lumpy purple rope of own intestine inside chest cavity with one hand shuffling down concrete corridor, coughing, guiding steps while tracing peeling paint from the walls with fingertips, rumbling and sounds of steel twisting, turning corner to find wrenched shape in dull gunmetal and bronze and green and pitted galvanized pipe bursting with molten ceramic long frozen, taste of iron in the air, fuzz in vision, headache, ground heaves and shakes under feet as shockwave tosses the floor, falling, tooth chipped on a piece of the Elephant's Foot, gut caught on jagged edge somewhere and torn. Sun reflecting off miles-wide bed of dead fish floating in north Atlantic, sparkling, beginning to dull and fade.

>>21249618
>>21249620
Just piss inside her.

>>21249215
>Do you mean they feel entirely in control by manipulating men sexually? I don’t necessarily see that as an isolation of the self, more of a codependency.
by the third case I meant the example of the "bum" girl, who retreats from life so that she can be safe. You're right in that it's true of my way of life.

>Have you ever tried to open up to any of your exes about this feeling? If so, how did it go? Or do you just avoid talking about these feelings entirely?
Yes outside of my last relationship where her earnest love for me made me try, it just turns out that my feelings are too volatile for me to handle.

If I continue living this way odds are I kill myself in despair or become as miserable as my father and find some woman as spineless as my mother to keep around.

>>21249660
> the example of the "bum" girl, who retreats from life so that she can be safe
Bum as in a vagrant type?

>her earnest love for me made me try, it just turns out that my feelings are too volatile for me to handle

What did you try to do differently in the last relationship? How did it end?

>If I continue living this way odds are I kill myself in despair or become as miserable as my father and find some woman as spineless as my mother to keep around.

That’s heavy, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you see any hope of changing things? You say your last gf loved you—did you ever try to open up to her about these fears?

>>21249676
Trade me some info about you this time.

>>21249676

>did you ever try to open up to her about these fears?

Wait sorry, I missed the part where you said you tried to open up. How did it go? Did she react in a supportive way? Or could you not fully go through with it?

>>21249678
Sure, what do you want to know? You can ask me any questions you want. I’ll tell you about the childhood stuff I mentioned before if you have any interest.

>>21249689
start with that

Neither liberals or conservatives can offer a meaningful 21st century version of manhood/masculinity. As masculinity has become abstracted as the immediate material context for its existence erodes both sides can only offer a pastiche of the past, the choice comes down to whether or not to engage with said pastiche ironically or sincerely. Ironically for liberals (reddit bacon beer beards "hahaha I am a man lol") or sincerely for conservatives (same shit, sans the pained laughter).

Man-As-Producer is objectified as an item for consumption, ostensibly for the purpose of identity formation much in the same way as Transgenderism. You are what you are only so far as your purchasing power allows you to surround yourself with objects of self-affirmation.
Man is reduced to production, Woman to consumption, and the ideal citizen is the ∞-consumer-producer-consumer-producer-∞ Anti-Hermaphrodite. The Agender sludge that eats sludge to make sludge. Mouth-Anus collapse. Food that eats itself. Cannibal Capital is Post-Capital Utopia of the Anti-Capitalist affirmation of Capital.

This is a process that if allowed to reach its peak will not create the AI-God, but reengineer, via grey goo, the primordial soup of pure undifferentiated single cell organisms. When one understands that the synthetic and robot is not post-organic but pre-organic the cycle makes itself known.

We stand on the precipice of the great dissolution. Baphomet has two hands.

From many, one. From one, many. Ad infinitum. Anything to read to understand this?

Saturn is fucking my life.

My morales is in shambles after briefly befriending a young, emotionally incontinen, drunken soldier in a bar. He was completely hopeless. Made a big scene. He'd just been dumped and badly treated by a girl who sounds like she was far beneath him. My friends and I tried to sort him out but he'd already had too much to drink, so we put him in a cab home.
He was a lot better looking than I was too. If a guy like that can't find any luck with girls, what chances do I have? The rest of the low-value men in my generation?
Day by day my suspicion grows that our generation truly ISN'T going to make it. The whole generation's morale is irreparably destroyed

>>21249752
Guy sounds like a mess. Fuck you talking about?

>>21249755
My drunken spelling errors aside I feel like I made my point pretty clearly

It always cracks me up when I check a rym profile and the lad only gave 5 stars to Jeanne Dielman, The Mirror and one black and white Ozu film and when it comes to music, only gave five stars to one Mingus album, one Nico album and one recording of some modernist composer.
How can avant teens be so predictable?
And why are some of these avant teens 30 years old?
I grew off this shit when I was 16 come the fuck on bro

>>21249764
>emotionally incontinent
>drunken
>completely hopeless
>made a big scene
>my friends and I tried to sort him out but he already had too much to drink
>put him in a cab home
>soldier
Sounds like a high quality guy right here. If a guy like this can’t get a good girl, what is the world coming to? Kek

>>21249766
I rated Dielman and Mirror 0.5 / 5, ain't gonna pretend liking pretentious arthouse shit just for the sake of it.

>>21249693
I had a similar family situation to you— abusive dad, spineless mom. I didn’t absorb punishments for others though— I was the stubborn one who acted out (albeit by doing pretty tame shit that would have been fine in most families—my father was just uber controlling and we clashed). I got targeted by his “punishments” more than all of my other siblings combined. Although in my case my parents realized their mistakes (once I was an adult and had been estranged from them for a while, so too late to prevent the effects my childhood had on me) and we have a decent relationship now, though I’ll never completely trust them. I was bullied a lot as a kid too, both buy my peers and by sadistic teachers, because for various reasons I couldn’t “fit in.” I guess that’s what caused my issues, but it’s also partially just that I’m neurotic and sensitive by nature.

I have this deep fear of intimacy now. Emotional, yeah, but mainly physical. Partially religious in origin , because I grew up in a super conservative religious sect, but I’m mostly over that part of it now— it’s more trauma related. I get startled really easily and tend to flinch and stiffen when people touch me— I have to resist the urge to push them away and flee. I wrote a post in one of these threads a few months ago about how I went on a date with this guy (nonthreatening genuinely nice dorky STEMlord, and I feel terrible for hurting his feelings) and had a panic attack because I couldn’t stand to have him hold my hand, and then abruptly ran away when he tried to kiss me. Usually I don’t even let things get that far— I make an excuse to leave before they try to touch me at all.

I’m not asexual at all— quite the opposite. But I can’t express that side of myself to anyone I know in real life—only through virtual stuff with strangers once or twice a year before I block them the next day. It feels good in the moment but I always feel dirty and uncomfortably exposed afterwards, even though they’ve never seen my face and know nothing about me.

And to be honest these problems are all compounded by the fact that I have very strong feelings for someone who seems to be unable to reciprocate. It’s hard to explain. There’s more to the story, if you want to hear it. My theory is that the fear of intimacy is a manifestation of a much deeper fear of being abandoned or rejected, or of becoming reliant on anything outside of yourself for solace and comfort. But I’ve already said a lot, and I don’t want to overwhelm you.

had a psychotic breakdown due to taking 3 tabs of acid in august and had to move back in with my parents. then I tried to kill myself tuesday(got the shell out, got the gun ready and was about to put the note out before I decided against it, took an ativan, and passed out) and my folks took my guns away. they dont know about the acid, they just think I had a spontaneous period of anxiety.
I didn't get institutionalized thankfully but the doctor said the ativan was probably causing a increase in suicidal ideation. So now I'm on pristiq and Buseprone(?) for depression and panic respectively. I wish I wasn't on meds and the second I can tell I'm out of this increase in anxiety, I'm dropping them.
I've lost control of my life, my academics, my hopes, and everything has backslid. I can only hope that guy on /adv/ was right and it'll be 3 months(the 27th of november) and the drug will be out of my system.

I have to believe there's a way out or I'll never find it.

>>21249817
A way out of what?

It's funny how my will to go out on fridays/saturday completely drains away the second i jerk off. i frequently go alone/in the cold/across the city to go to some underground show or bar but like clockwork, jerking off completely settles me. the force that has caused me to live out so many random (non-sexual) adventures and experiences is so easily shut down. to be fair I also think the nearly 5 years of going out every weekend has lost some of its appeal but even know if i dont jerk off on the weekend im still itching to go out.

THC is for meat eaters
CBD is for vegans.

Day 13 of NNN. It's starting to get a little "hard", if you know what I mean. hahaha

I want a nice book to read that has been released within the last 10 years.

>>21249804
Why did you try to kill yourself?

Reading brave new world for the first time, I'm 6 chapters in and I really like how Huxley just jumps right into it and details the separation and sterilization of man for the means of control. Really quite interesting

I still have 2/3 of a bottle of vodka. It's going to be a long night.
I want to read but can't bring myself to do it.
I just want a girl to talk to.

>>21249798
are you gay or an actual girl

>>21249956
> I just want a girl to talk to.
Know anyone you can call?

>>21249957
The second one.
>inb4 ywnbaw

>>21249960
nta but it seems like you'd rather abandon or reject someone first than get rejected as a defense mechanism. guilt is the main theme.

>>21249983
That’s definitely part of it. It’s also partially that I have a hard time relating to others sometimes (for reasons related to personality/interests) and struggle to feel interested in pursuing connections with them.

Rejection is definitely my biggest fear though, and I usually push people away preemptively. There was one exception to this, but that’s related to the recent events that have left me so screwed up.

>>21249983
Is that how you tend to address things? Somehow I suspect that the analysis here comes from experience. I get it, though.

>>21249892
I've had a series of panic attacks since early october and the most recent series of them has been regarding ecological collapse. I saw something doomerish on twitter and it just sent me to a spiral about everything and my own personal habits and I got kinda overwhelmed and hyperfocused on my individual consumption. I remember getting up that morning to go to uni and seeing a huge line of cars next to a new construction project that was tearing down trees and I got so sick I had to go home and that was when it happened.
I've managed myself well since then and read some devotionals and figured if anything, its in God's hands and the best I can do is love other people and try to limit the effect I have. the panic attacks still linger but I don't feel like killing myself anymore, even though sometimes I kinda wish I had pulled the trigger.

>>21249960
I literally talk to no girls.
I don't know a single one.
How did our ancestors get through this shit?
They sat in candle lit rooms, reading books, being fine with having no bitches?

>>21250025
The fact that they ended up being our ancestors would suggest that they not only successfully talked to girls, but that they actually managed to have sex.

Do you ever actually try to talk to girls? In my experience a lot of lonely and inexperienced guys don’t actually want to have a reciprocal conversation with a woman: they just want her to act interested as they monologue about their interests and be endlessly sympathetic while listening to all of their problems. For the girl, it feels more like being talked *at * than talked *to.* Don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess I just think that conversational reciprocity is important.

>>21250051
Haha, I would love to be interested in a woman.
I am happy with speaking about myself very little. I want to find myself in her.
So, that's not the issue.
I think I just need to patient.
I have faith that she will come along, if she meant for me.

>>21250051
I don't talk to women because I scrutinize them very hard.
I need her to be great.
So that I may be great.

>>21250096
How can you scrutinize someone you’ve never spoken to?

>>21250102
I guess I have to meet them first.
I often find myself killing emotions for someone I'm interested in, simple because they said the wrong thing.
Do you think there is something wrong with me?

I had an experience the other day where I was almost completely certain I was dying and its been interesting to reflect on. unfortunately i was so stressed out that i basically forgot everything i was thinking in the most intense moments which is disappointing but i still remember some vague feelings

>>21250110
Said the wrong thing? Do you have some examples? I can’t say unless I know more specifics.

>>21250017
I hope you're doing better now (and when the drug is out of the system).

>>21250112
Has it made you more grateful for life?

As an aside, you should learn how to use commas.
It would help your writing a lot.

>>21250115
It's usually a lie.
They lie about something that I'm interested in.

>>21250122
Like what? Like a minor white lie?

>>21250123
I don't know. Why are you so interested anyways?
They always pretend they're more than they are.
It makes me sad, I want you to be you.
It's okay if you don't like books.

I see why my elders disliked alcohol.
there is no drug like it.
I would dare say; Alcohol is worse than meth.

>>21249992
>>21250014
Thats just my observation, nothing more.

Where are the dark, edgy, alcoholic, smoking, authors?
This board is fucking dead.

>>21250132
Just curious, and I can’t sleep. For what it’s worth, I experience the same thing with guys. They’ll lie about having read the books that I like in an attempt to impress me, or will fake a more general interest in literature because they think I’ll like that. I’d rather them just be authentic.

>>21250167
You should call them on their bullshit the moment you sense it.
There is nothing hotter.

>>21250174
Oh, I have. I could probably dig up some screenshots of those conversations. A lot of guys seem to love having a girl tell them off for being a pseud. I was shocked by the kind of stuff I could get away with saying while still receiving a positive response.

>>21250181
Who is your favourite author?

>>21250183
Prose? It’s probably Proust.
Poetry? I can’t narrow it down to just one.

I always forget to breathe and so whenever people would type that "you are now breathing manually shit" it would actually help me out

>>21250186
I've never read Proust.
Also, if you don't like Japanese poetry, or Robert Frost, you're a retard to me.

>>21250196
You're thinking about your breath right now.
Which means you're basically practicing mindfulness.
You are one with the buddha.

>>21250197
cool it with autism

>>21250197
I haven’t read much Japanese poetry actually, so I can’t say whether I like it or not. Besides, the essence of a poem is very difficult to capture in translation while preserving its form and structure, so translations of poems generally can’t compare to the originals.

I like Robert Frost’s shorter works quite a bit, and have a fair number of them committed to memory, although I wouldn’t necessarily consider him one of my particular favourites. I own a book of his collected poems, and I read them all about a year ago. To be honest, I found most of the longer ones pretty dull and uninteresting. He wrote some really beautiful shorter stuff though— I particularly like “Acquainted With the Night.” It captures the melancholy feeling of walking alone in the dark.

>>21250222
The only thing I picked up from that, is that we have the exact same Robert Frost book.
I'm losing to this bottle.

>>21250226
If you’re not too drunk, post a pic of your edition of the book— I want to see if it’s actually the same one that I have.

>>21250235
You demand too much of me.
Post your edition, you're the sober one.

>>21250240
It’s a fifty-year-old paperback I got for a dollar last summer, at some tiny used bookstore in a small rural town that I was passing through.

>>21250245
It's the same.
Yours is just older than mine.

You must be a city girl.
His longer poems bring me back to farm life.

>>21250264
Seriously? That’s funny that we actually have the same one.

I’m not a city girl, really. I spent my early years (before the age of 10) living on a rural property in the boreal forest (unrelated, but funny: we had a bear come into our house once). We didn’t have a farm, but many of my childhood friends grew up on farms.

I think I have a massive superego and its ruining my life.

>>21250296
Do you mean that you have an overdeveloped conscience?

>>21250288
His poetry is mainly focused around the rural life.
Why doesn't it resonate with you?

>>21250301
I don’t know—there’s just some quality about his style in the longer works that makes me find them dull. I’d have to reread them to give a more substantiate explanation as to why. They just don’t do it for me. Like I said though, I like his shorter stuff— he manages to say so much in very few words. Anyway, I haven’t lived in a rural area since I was a kid, so maybe I’ve just grown too distant from that way of life to truly appreciate his insights about it.

>>21250300
Being too self-conscious? Yes. There are also other things like perfectionism, caring too much about other people opinion, guilt and etc. I completely silenced my inner voice throughout the years because I trusted people too much.

>>21250323
>>21250323
*substantiative

Making typing errors is a sign that I need to go to sleep. Good talk— enjoy the rest of your vodka. I’d tell you to drink responsibly, but I’m not sure what good it would do at this point.

>>21250332
You're lovely.
Have a wonderful sleep.

All of my dreams and ambitions are dead. I'm not sure how to proceed in life.

>>21250342
just take it a day at a time, in a year or two you might have new ambitions

>>21250400
>in a year or two you might have new ambitions
I don't have time for this, I'm already in my mid-twenties. I'll just resign myself to being a failure in this life, maybe it'll get better in the next one.

I like to move it move it

>>21249329
>Let us go back to reading.
But no one in /lit/ reads?

>>21250469
Best post itt. Bless you, anon

I predict trump will lose in 2024 and pol will no longer be captive to fascism and will return to 4chans libertarian/anarchist roots. But that will take a while. They are trump fans, not republican fans, and post trump the neocons will retake the GOP. Which will cause pol to no longer vote for them.

Almost slipped and texted her.

Stay stone cold brothers

I've been posting here on and off about nightmares since around April-May. The nightmares are as bad as ever and still related directly to a specific trauma. The only change has been my ability to cope and seethe with them. I don't like how adaptable humans can be. I am tired of adapting, how long until something else bends before forcing adaptation?

>>21250672
why dont you go to therapy for this specific trauma?

>>21250676
I went to a few but they frankly knew less than me about trauma. Which is just.. Fucked. I haven't found a specialist for CPTSD since I live in a shithole now. I understand how it's altered my brain, chemically and physically as well as the results of that. I can logically comprehend what trauma is and see the patterns and symptoms. I was removed from this environment a month ago and found myself almost completely functioning, though the nightmares remained I was for all intents and purposes a "cured" person. I was in another country entirely, with support structures, something I do not have here. Much of understanding trauma can be self taught if you have truly experienced it. Part of realising the limitations of human ability is hitting the ceiling on self improvement. I have hit that ceiling, I must leave this environment to move further. If I can't, I will kill myself. I have the ability to do so 100% now for the first time ever.

>>21250693
what about online therapist? atleast for the time being until you're able to change environment.

Working out without a shirt sure feels good. All I need is some engaging entertainment between my sets

>>21249492
what's so great about magical thinking since it's considered based

>>21249540
>tfw ywn go down on your dominant gf while she reads a book

Wishing I was someone else.

so unhappy

do something remarkable in your 20s if you want to be remarkable later, be adventurous and romantic, you can't afford to be normal

>>21249407
Stop being insecure and reducing your fucking wife to tropes stereotypes and maybe you could be happy

Loaded up Ableton for the first time in a while. Had a blast. Opened some old project files expecting unmeasurable cringe and was so happily surprised that I audibly exclaimed "fuck, that's nice" to myself. I have ideas for writing. I want to code, too. I want to study group theory. I fucking love having energy AAAAAAAAA I WISH I HAD MORE TIME IN THE DAY

>>21250886
same

>>21249752
Unfortunately anon good looks are NOT all you need to have a working relationship! Who would have thought?
Sorry about your friend.

>>21249779
He was young and having a bad night.

>>21250925
"You are wrong"

Lit has been slightly better lately not as much polfags screeching about Jews and misogyny
Must be since the election is over

>>21250929
“Tl;dr”
Though I will acknowledge that I do come here often to condescend to people in order to feel better about myself. Not to sure why it does, I guess to take my focus off myself?

>>21250025
The answer is life has always been miserable. There was never a golden age. Hunter gatherers were miserable and bored all day, they toiled until they died, just like us. The only difference is we write about it. Some people project confidence and happiness quite well, but if you get to know them, every last one is miserable. If you’re very close to anyone (which I’m not taking for granted, you may have never been truly close to anyone in your life), you will see the misery in the foundations under the facade, every single time. Blessed are the brief moments of reprieve.

I feel like I've made decisions that imply for me the opposite of what I really want for the future but it's too late now.

>>21250945
You lack an inate sense of brotherly solidarity with your fellow anons

I just don't see a way to fix things now.

>>21250953
What kind of decisions have you made? And what do you really want for the future?

>>21250989
choices related to occupation, education, where i lived, all of these just intersect at some point of mediocrity and i consistently took steps backward rather than forward. I just don't have the sort of biography i wish i had.

>>21250928
Maybe that’s the norm for him if you just met him. Either way it’s a major red flag if someone ever “makes a scene” when things aren’t going well

>>21250222
>>21250288
>tfw ywn have a /lit/ gf who memorizes poems and fights off bears

>>21250965
I think I am just primed to hate people here because I often hate this website, blaming it partly for why I've been an outcast for so long. Things I've read here in my teens had made me more insecure, more hateful; I would read manosphere bullshit and destroy friendships with girls. Perhaps I am just regretful that I spent all that isolated time here instead of making myself vulnerable and properly learning how to have relationships with others, which is what happened when I got jobs in food service in college.

>>21251042
Yeah as if being a well-to-do buttoned up stiff actually gets young guys pussy anyways.
Being "put together" is not enough to get a girlfriend now anyways, why bother?

>>21251079
You are conflating get pussy with get relationship. Many men can get women in bed but fall apart when dealing with love. You are also projecting a lot onto someone you only met for one night. You do not know this person. It is impossible to truly know a person if you've only know them for a few hours. Stop with the hopelessness.

>>21249798
>claims to not be asexual
>only gets off one or two times a year

what did she mean by this

>>21251105
anon, you haven't had sex in 5 years but jerk off 3 times a day. Are you asexual?

>>21251091
>pussy with get relationship
Just getting pussy is definitely a lot worse than getting a good relationship.
Getting either is beyond ugly men. Even worthy men are largely unable to get relationships too, now. There are no relationships, it's a wasteland. From cochise huffing stoke brokers to well picket fence aspiring engineers or civil servants, no one has a gf

>>21251116
>Getting either is beyond ugly men
stopped reading right here
go outside once in a while. ugly men get laid. and not just the rich ceo ones.

I chased a girl i only know the name of just to chat with her. Is this reasonable ?

>>21251116
Cochise was meant to spell cocaine and well was meant to spell white.

>>21251117
No, they don't. Not anymore. They really so not. You're the one in a bubble if you think everything is normal. It's not. The young guys are type of forgotten generation.

>>21251122
lol
I guess the women I had sex with and dated were all in my imagination

>>21251127
>how would you feel if 90% of your peers are unable to get a date?
>what do you mean, I get dates all the time
>yes, but what would happen if 90% of the men your age couldn't do that
>I DO do that though, why are you implying I can't get dates

>>21251136
you're gonna need to source shit besides greentexts you read on /r9k/ bro, most all of my friends have had sex or dated someone at some point
youre also boring me so im dipping

I think I'd be more optimistic if I was still 25 years old. At nearly 30, it feels like there is no reason to be optimistic anymore.

Niggers tongue my anus. They simply can't stop metaphorically putting their ideological tongues in my figurative anal canal no matter how much I would like them to. Every day before bed I spend several minutes in solemn prayer to the Lord, asking solely to let me for once wake up without the unnerving sensation of a moist tumescent negro tongue forcefully making its way through the tender circlet of my sphincter. And yet, all my pleading falls on deaf ears. No sooner the first rays of sunlight hit my bedstead than I am once again faced with the familiar feeling of a slick unrelenting groid appendage burrowing itself deep within my rectum. I'd turn on my television set and immediately feel the pressure triple in force. I'd go outside and pass a group of teenagers listening to music and sense the sharp wily tip of ebony intruder press upon my prostate. I'd open a magazine and immediately become overwhelmed by the full girth of a moist engorged knot of African muscles impaling my entire body and striving to subjugate my very soul. I fear the day I can no longer find the strength to clench up hard enough to stave off this unrelenting onslaught on my rosebud. The next time you encounter a post of mine in this thread, it shall not be my own self writing it, but either a lordly being in full control of its every orifice or a fallen wretch, broken, downtrodden and completely subservient to the swollen meat popsicle piledriving its loose rectum. Farewell and adieu.

I’m fucking sick of doom and gloom incels. They project their inadequacy onto the world. Not to mention they have had a big hand in /lit/ being shit

>>21251381
Gynocracy

>>21251393
>da womynz be keeping da male folk down

Just had sex

>>21251421
>Maybe if you MANNED UP you would be WORTHY for a crumb of pussy! You're just too inadequate for modern women!

>>21249281
today i'm reading book of psalms. i love them catholicbros

I have been watching some of the movies by Dario Argento. They're ok. Tenebrae is my favorite I think.

>>21250627
me too. keep yr spirits up brothers

>>21251474
>>21250627

It's not worth it - she'll never live up to how you remember her.

>>21251437
Yes, this is exactly it. Women are simple creatures and it's rather easy to bed one. Fags who spend an inordinate amount of time online avowing their innate male superiority to one another, yet failing to dip their wick are mentally ill and genuinely shouldn't chance the risk of leaving any accidental progeny.

Why has it been so hard to identify something worth doing? I spent 15 to 25 in a video game-induced stupor like everyone else, but even after putting away the games, it's been so difficult to identify anything worth doing.

>>21251502
of course, but you know how it is sometimes

god almighty was this relationship toxic

>>21249352
what?

>>21251515
Lol iktf brother.

>>21251507
I made the biggest mistakes of my life between 25 and 29. Up to 25 is sort of a wash in my opinion and at 25 I was more or less in the same situation as everyone else. By 25, I knew I wanted to do something with painting and/or writing. And I did do some painting, and I did do some writing, but 4 years later, I've not painted or written as much as I should've, I've had no galleries, no publishings, I ended up sliding somehow back into my hometown, took a job at my old school that is now remote, and even recently moved back in with my mom. I've not had any success, not gone anywhere, not done anything worth remarking about. I've not even lived in a city or moved in circles for these things. I should've understood that even if I didn't have success, I could go places, do things, and get experiences. Instead, it's almost like the last 4 years never even happened and any time I read biographies of people who are notable in any one particular arena, they really become dynamic in that arena while they're in their 20s. So I'm very depressed about reaching my age and having not really gotten anywhere. That 4-year window seems a waste.

>>21251583
>any time I read biographies of people who are notable in any one particular arena, they really become dynamic in that arena while they're in their 20s. So I'm very depressed about reaching my age and having not really gotten anywhere
same. Notable people already did their major works in their 20's.

>>21251600
some even in their teenage years, the really gifted ones I mean.

>>21251611
Sure. I think the very best ones showed some traits of genius even before 10. Late bloomers are just not capable of greatness.

>>21251600
Their most notable works? I don't think so. I don't see that. What you do see is some sort of initial setting out on the path at least. Using writers as an example, I can think of writers who didn't write anything very good until their 30s at least, not I can think of very few that weren't writing a lot in their 20s. When it comes to historical figures, in business, or in politics, in war, in anything really, this seems only more true. So for an ambitious person, I don't think you need to be doing your best in your 20s, but it does feel like you need to be on that path. I think for so many people today, up to 25 is basically a wash. We spend it in school or playing video games and there's basically nothing to do. So in lieu of success, or being on the path, you can at least get experiences, like I said, go places, do things, some sort of adventure, move to the city, be homeless, travel abroad, take the jobs illegal mexicans work, whatever. I didn't do that, and that's actually what I most regret.

>>21251628
It's less true now than ever. McCarthy is the best living American writer, wrote what is arguably the only 21st century American classic, and he didn't write it until he was in his 30s. He didn't write very much at all until he was in his 30s. But he was doing other things in his 20s. He wasn't just doing mundane normal things or nothing at all. That's the key.

>>21251633
You know, I know so many men under 35 who have done basically nothing at all. They spend their whole lives in and out of school or mediocre jobs or neither, they live at home in some small suburban town where there's nothing going on, they have interests, but they can't or don't vigorously pursue them, especially not while they can so easily spend time on social media, on YouTube, playing video games, watching movies, and watching porn. They haven't traveled, either for lack of funds of legal restrictions, they've made few real life relationships. It's like there's now more than ever this whole mass of young people, young men especially. for whom one half of their life has just flashed by and it's like nothing at all ever happened in it. That is how I feel most often and I'm someone who's been at least moderately successful on paper.

>>21251600
>>21251583

this loser mentality is what's going to prevent you from ever doing anything. stop comparing yourself to other people.

i went back to school at 30 after unironically being a dumbfuck wastoid degenerate from 15 onward. i fucked up my life so many times in so many ways it would be a multi-post effort to lay them all out to you. i guarantee i was a bigger loser than you are now. got accepted into uni with a dogshit gpa off the back of a convincing personal essay and good test scores/extra-curriculars, currently on track to getting my master's and being published.

find something you care about and want to do and fucking do it. don't make excuses about your place in society or your past. just get to work. it doesn't matter if you don't have an audience or a platform or a community. people who are successful take action regardless of circumstances, people who are failures sit around and ruminate on their own destruction. that's the difference.

I am so fucking sick of hearing about politics. I wish that everyone would just shut the fuck up about it.

>>21251647
What I want is the sort of the thing that needed to have been done 5 years ago. It goes without saying that the second best time to do it is now. But that doesn't change the fact that where you've been implying some restrictions on where you are and where you'll go. That's just the reality, I think.

And I'm glad to hear you've gone back to school. I have friends and family who had a hard time with that situation and choice and I encouraged them to do what you've done.

>>21250333
Thanks. I didn’t get much sleep though—too much Yerba Maté and Vyvanse, so I only have myself to blame. I hope your hangover isn’t too bad.

>>21251065
The bear left of its own accord, so no fighting was involved. And the poetry memorization isn’t so deliberate— I just have a good memory for anything involving rhyme and metre, so I’ll automatically recall poems after I’ve read them aloud a few times.

>>21251105
That’s not what I meant, lol. More accurately, I only involve another person on occasion. But maybe it was weird of me to open up about that aspect of it at all.

>>21251649
If you're in a place where everyone talks about something you dislike, maybe you're in the wrong place, fren.

>>21251672
My parents and my normie older brother moan and complain about politics literally every day.

>>21251647
>find something you care about and want to do and fucking do it
I failed here.

>>21251649
This. There is a board specifically for them so I don’t get why they are so prevalent here

>>21249660
i feel for you on the last bit, im scared my only two choices in life are to end it all or turn into my father. and hes a bitter divorced alcoholic junkie living on welfare, so suicide almost looks like the better choice

>>21251701
I meant in real life >>21251674

>>21251666
>But that doesn't change the fact that where you've been implying some restrictions on where you are and where you'll go. That's just the reality, I think.

that's true, but i think (from personal experience) obsessing over things that are out of reach/impossible from moving towards things that are. it's like getting dumped. sucks, but you have to move on. there are other options out there. all-or-nothing is going to prevent you from fulfilling a purpose in your life. you don't have to stay at 'nothing'

i feel insecure around my peers who have more experience than me and i regret my wasted time more than anything, but i believe enough in my work to abandon that hubris. you can still do something regardless of whether it's the 'thing' you wanted. the thing you get will be better than this.

i wish nothing but the best for you, anon. genuinely.

>>21251628
>>21251629
I wonder what happens after you make *the one*, *it*, *the magnum opus*... since nothing can beat it.. are you just stuck living in it’s shadow from that point on, doomed never to achieve anything greater.. for the rest of your life ? Imagine if you like.. made that really great thing, but like, ha, fuck.. nothing in your life changes after you made that thing ?! That would be crazy, just the same shit kinda people around still, just the same shit kinda places.. is it even that amazing *thing* then ?? Did you even make the *magnum opus*, if all the things you were upset about still persist ? ha, deep, haha.

>>21251667
>I only involve another person on occasion

literally why
women can get attention from men with zero fucking effort but theyd rather be alone than find a bf to have sex with
make it make sense

>>21249281
potato

>>21251717
I tried writing up a reply, but I'm having a really hard time putting my thoughts into words. So I'm just going to declare that and say I sincerely appreciate your replies to me. It's nice to talk to other people about things you often can't talk about with anyone in real life.

>>21251724
How would you know it's the magnum opus? Suppose you gain widespread recognition for it and go down as one of the greats, but you believe it's less than remarkable. What if you're convinced it's great, but no one else? I think it's a lucky few who can be both self-satisfied and receive recognition. That's why I'm convinced that it's in the doing. It's what you do that's important, not the recognition you receive for it. But then that also means it's in the lack of doing or doing incorrectly, that the real crisis occurs. Life is hard, and I feel like now less than ever it's difficult to find some sort of mentorship or even just solid ground to stand on.

little girl in pink panties and top

>>21251724
You evolve as a person and your writing evolves with you. Just because the public likes your work 20 years ago, doesnt mean your current work doesn’t resonate more strongly with you than something you’ve written in the past. Write from your heart and don’t worry about the public.

Twitter. Tweet with a quote from an Elon Musk talk about twitter. Summarised: "we'd like to make twitter a global digital agora, we'd like to aid the development of humanity by assisting the difficult, anelpiston (heraclitean sense) search for truth through dialectics, in a free, intelligent, universal environment. it might not be possible but it's still worth trying. and since it's difficult we will adapting and changing progressively to get there" 300 quote tweets. All critical, "critique" of which consists of an ad hominem; no argument, just calling musk an aspergers. All have pronouns in bio. Jealousy peeking through their angry insults. Odi profanum volgus.

>>21250136
drugs best to worst (not tried them all)

cocaine
mdma
alcohol
benzos
ketamine
heroin
weed
smartwhips
mushrooms
acid
meth
crack

*inexhaustive

The feeling of having nowhere to go, nowhere to be. These screens are now everything. A hyperreality

>>21252089
it's a dead medium

I want to write something but have this fear that I haven't read enough. There are so many things I want to read and properly understand to shape my thoughts and writing.

>>21252169
What sort of thing do you want to write? Do you have something specific in mind?

>>21252210
I want to try my hand at some short stories in a certain subgenre of science fiction. I want to see if I can shape a common universe I like through the short stories to line it up for a book.
This is all wishful thinking at this stage, but I think a staggered approach with short stories will let me ease into a style and aesthetic I can iterate on.
What bothers me is, even though I'm focused on a specific fiction genre, there are influences from so many others I wish to include. For example, there are elements of philosophy that I want to somehow synthesize into the works with various degrees of subtlety.

One observation I've also made. Some authors wrote better when they fully didn't understand their genre. It allowed them to approach things from an original and interesting angle which would have been lost if they put themselves into the corner of understanding something. Fucking thinking always paralyzes me. Maybe I should just get a bottle of alcohol and start drafting

>>21252169
It's a misplaced fear. Reading widely and deeply will make you a better writer, but so will writing. It's not like you have to share it or publish it.

>>21252256
You're right. I've also convinced myself from the perspectives in the previous post. Thank you.
I'm glad I put my fear of it into words. It's been rattling around in my mind and talking about it helped me face it clearly.

Sharing my journal writeup for today.

I want the pit in my heart to go away. It's this feeling of dread, missed opportunity, squandered time. What would soothe this feeling?
I wish I didn't have to worry about my family. I wish they could all find their easy life, their joy.
I wish I could freely mingle with people, and build something real.
I wish to not feel insecure about my future propositions.
Where can I go to build something? Maybe not a wife and kids, but something like a family?
I can't place significance on what are just figures in the shadows.

I believe a lot of my issue comes from always hiding from pain and suffering. It seems everything meaningful to me requires pushing through that thorny bramble. Just like cold showers, which over time actually became quite comfortable, I should "poke my head out of the sand" and adapt myself to suffering. Not strictly masochistic suffering, but the kind that always accompanies the things that create those pits in our hearts. Skin In The Game, bitch. I need to adapt to playing the game, I need to adapt to falling down and losing. Antifragility. You mother fucker you, Taleb.


"Taleb" refers to writer Nassim Nicholas Taleb

>>21252268
Adding to this: I've read a little of Simone Wiles recently, and theres an idea she wrote about which has been sticking in my mind quite heavily. "Suffering is the form God's mercy takes on this earth"
The void in me always goes away when I dive into my suffering and address it, when I choose not to look away. I think part of the challenge is adopting a frame of mind that can adapt for this that isn't a suicidal "Fuck it" mentality. I must still be careful and not take unnecessary risks despite how impatient I may be.

>>21252268
nice entry, I can relate.

>>21252280
>Simone Wiles
Simone Weils fuck

So much regret. What terrible mistakes.

>>21252268
Being alone in the complete sense of not being able to connect. Not being able to label the few remaining people in your life as friends or family. Being trapped alone with only your thoughts. Your easy way out, abuse something to escape from yourself. However you stay strong and suffer. You're fully conscious everyday alone, lost in your mind. Your life becomes a solitary confinement. That is suffering. If you can function in that, it is making you into something. But what are you becoming? A prison is not a physical place.

I'm considering joining the clergy or a monastery.

>>21252323
why?

nothing in life is really terrible for longer than a few minutes

>>21252324
to be a pedo obviously

>>21252297
I don't know what I am becoming. It's a bit of a conundrum, but it's the suffering I experience while trying to numb myself that drives me to seek ways to allay it, and the one that I've found is to dive into that suffering itself. A metaphor could be pulling the thorn out instead of taking another painkiller. Perhaps it is naive, but ehhh it's worked so far.
In the end none of us can ever escape our minds, as the mind is what we are. It's all just rearranging the pieces into something that can give us peace. And it just so happens that to cope and perpetually escape yourself is just not an effective solution.

>>21252326
This. Life will inevitably lead to both good and bad happening to you. As both will pass, it is important to stay level headed regardless of what is happening. Often with the bad the focus will be totally on that, ignoring all the good that is happening. Sometimes it is an illusion and time will reveal the truth. Often what seems good turns out to be bad and vice versa. No matter what happens, keep your head up, stay positive and don’t let your emotions control you too much

>>21252324
I just have this feeling that it's something I need to explore.

>>21252326
Strong disagree.

>>21252347
but why clergy or monastery?

>>21252357
Well, when it comes to a religious vocation I don't think there are many other paths to discern.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass

>>21252337
>>21252337
>A metaphor could be pulling the thorn out instead of taking another painkiller.
I think you may actually be leaving the thorn in and seeing how long you can go on with the suffering.
You're on the edge of a subject that's very interesting to me.
Supposedly, people enjoy exercise because it's suffering. It's not pleasant at first, but the endorphin release is more potent than morphine if you're really pushing yourself and you come to seek it.
In that same light, people that brush against death report that they have a renewed and enlightened view of life afterwards.
The paradox seems to be, the further you move from something the closer you are to it. You cant understand something fully until you understand its opposite. I keep running into this shit in all experiences in life

>It's all just rearranging the pieces into something that can give us peace. And it just so happens that to cope and perpetually escape yourself is just not an effective solution.
I agree. Trying to throw away pieces as well, not only rearranging.

>>21252343
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass

>>21249281
My inner world is stagnant. Time passes as quickly as I want it to, but it doesn't matter. It is always nighttime there. The only humans there are relics of the past— people I will never see again. Beneath the starry sky, an empty bench sits beside a tree. That world is always empty in my absence. It awaits for my return.

Taking a seat next to a friend who is long-gone, I often just let them talk. They are fragments of memories bound to the past. They can't invent, they can't tell me anything about their real counterparts that I don't already know or suspect— but they sometimes remind me of funny tidbits and stories of what once was when we hanged out together. These are the only times I interact with the fragments. A girl friend long gone reminded me of a park, somewhere in Marseille. When we were 17, we would lay in the grass not very far from a monument, and talk about our favorite things. She laughed and said she forced me to roll in the humid grass with her one day; that it was one of the funniest thing she had ever done with a boy. She said she remembered when I kissed her, and asked me if I remembered the touch of her lips. I thought for a while and responded that no, I didn't. She then started a long-winded explanation on how boys were idiots who only thought with their bits, and that she couldn't wait for her musician crush to kiss her when she's going to see him again. Because musicians are sensible, and vulnerable, and him, he would certainly remember.

I could only smile wrily at that, and whispered under my breath that her next kiss was, in fact, a drunken one she had with a girl in a party. And that she would kiss me back and steal my chewing-gums right from my mouth for a good six months after that first one. She snorted. I didn't remark her listening until she glanced at me. Taking a good look at her young face, a crisp smell of tobacco and menthol flavored chewing-gums entered my nose. It's true that she used to smell like that during our kisses. She hated the smell of tobacco but couldn't help smoking, so she always had to chew something right after.

She looked away. She asked if I remembered us kissing in PE and getting a poem-turned report from the teacher. I nodded, and said that I also remembered the lovebites she left on my neck. Those took weeks to disappear. All the teachers asked me if I had met a vampire or something afterwards. She smiled and tried hard to contain her laughter. Her face was so funny I couldn't help but laugh too. I know this wasn't real but I really liked her company that night.

I don't remember what happened afterwards, some moments in the other world just pass by so quickly I can't commit them to mermory. I wonder if other people often do that kind of thing or if it's just me. Sometimes, I meet people whose fragments I interact with in real-life. They ask me how I can remember so many little things from the past. That's how. It's a secret I can't tell anyone about, I imagine.

>>21251729
It’s not that I’d rather be alone. In my original post I went into detail about why physical intimacy is hard for me, although I think that for the right person I could move past that barrier. I was specifically talking about involving another person in virtual interactions. I suspect you just want to air your grievances with women, but on the off chance that you really do want to know, here is why I do it so infrequently: it requires a lot of time and energy to find someone who I’m compatible with. I’m not necessarily talking about physical appearance here: I’m talking about shared aims and a sense of alignment between our desires. Without this sort of common ground, the dynamic that emerges will not be mutually satisfying. But this compatibility is hard to find, and it’s a draining effort to sort out the wheat from the chaff. There are other reasons too, but that’s probably the main one.

>>21252386
>I think you may actually be leaving the thorn in and seeing how long you can go on with the suffering.
Possibly. But what does it mean when the thorn ends up being a great source of joy and happiness?

For exercising, I disagree with it being considered suffering. It is uncomfortable to get into if you've never done it before, and requires discipline, but none of the feelings involved are terribly unpleasant. You can get used to getting up early and you can get used to pushing yourself to workout the entire time. Once you remove the discomfort of forcing yourself to do something that seems boring, it quickly gives way to actual pleasure, because working out feels good. Pushing metal feels good, getting gains does too. The soreness the next day just feels good too, not even out of any kind of masochism, it's just pleasant.

I think this may be a limitation of language here. I believe that stuff like discomfort, embarassment, injury, are no more than sense stimuli: pain. I don't consider a stubbed toe a source of suffering as much as I do bombing a presentation. I've never felt despair from falling off my skateboard. It's only if it affects my valued things. for example getting paralyzed destroying my dreams of martial arts or bombing a job interview at a dream job. Or in the stubbed toe case, if it ends up being a source of chronic pain, it negatively affecting all parts of my life.

I run from the deep void in my heart because I don't want to deal with momentary pain or injury. These types of suffering are very different. If the situation were different, I could find myself wanting to sacrifice my life to something I cared for. It's deeper than just cuts and broken bones.

>>21252483
>But what does it mean when the thorn ends up being a great source of joy and happiness?

You are coming to understand what not having a thorn truly means by having one. You understand happiness when you lack it.

>, but none of the feelings involved are terribly unpleasant.
depends how much you push yourself. You can run until you puke but the runners high is amazing. The further up you go the higher you get. Movement in itself is suffering to various degrees of severity based on resistance.

with respect to your example of physical temporary pain versus mental anguish, what really is the difference? They're both pain. A permanent severe physical injury is as bad as a mental injury that won't heal. The mental manifests into the physical anyway eventually. "Stress is the number one killer" is a valid boomer phrase

>I run from the deep void in my heart because I don't want to deal with momentary pain or injury.
Running is the unnatural thing here. As contrived as it sounds, existing is suffering. Try to minimize it by facing the world head on. When a girl rejects you, when you get shit on during an interview, get back up. These are events of pain and the recovery itself is the most painful.

The ultimate pain you will face if you keep running, is when the FOMO kicks in. Trust me, I know. I wish I nutted in my gf until she was a walking blob of human cum. I wish I bred her and wifed her. I wish I did not neglect the few friends I had. It's a decade from the time I wish I could go back to.

>>21252429
what do you do now that everyone is gone?

>>21252537
I'm starting to think you've never worked out. Working out feels good, at least lifting weights does. It's not stressful at all. No one mentioned anything about deliberately torturing yourself. Just pick the heavy thing up and put it down.

>Running is the unnatural thing here. As contrived as it sounds, existing is suffering. Try to minimize it by facing the world head on. When a girl rejects you, when you get shit on during an interview, get back up. These are events of pain and the recovery itself is the most painful.
I'm also not sure why you're restating to me what I've already said here >>21252337

I am getting the impression you're a pseud, and I am now bored. goodbye

I have a strong desire to have kids, so my bloodline lives forever, yet I want no part of being a father nor want a family in any way. Pretty much the complete opposite of people that say they want kids but don't think it'd be just to raise them in this world or they can't afford them etc.

>>21252564
>No one mentioned anything about deliberately torturing yourself. Just pick the heavy thing up and put it down.
That's a faggot LARP, and not exercising. If you're not feeling discomfort and not pushing yourself, it's not exercise.
>I'm also not sure why you're restating to
Not restating. Expanding your incomplete and immature ramble to something of substance.
>mpression you're a pseud
projection

I'm a hopelessly lonely wizard stuck in a dead-end job still living at home with his parents and with dogshit motor skills and failing health who's overwhelmed by regrets about his past and fears about his future, but at least I have /lit/ to talk about philosophy and psychology with.

>>21252619
whats your personal philosophy?

>>21252625
I'm working on revising it so I can center myself better, but for the longest time it was far too Stoic, Buddhist, and ethically conservative.

The apocalypse already came. You're living in a world after the end.
Decline of the West? Don't make me laugh.

>>21252705
prison planet

imagine life if you weren't all pieces of absolute shit
could be cool

Struggling (spiritually, psychologically?) to adjust to full time, wagie existence. It's not the work itself: my job is easy, I'm good at it, get alone well with everyone, it's not overly tiring etc. etc. This post isn't about complaining. I'm not complaining about anything. But I've been working full time for four months now and each morning I wake up and my mind is spinning with meaningless, empty office speak. It's as though it haunts me. I wake up feeling between two bodies - or like my mind is somewhere else, but it's not here in me right now but that's for the best. I am an empty vessel ready to be filled with whatever is necessary for that day. It's a surreal, hypnogogic experience that is impossible to articulate. I'm not unhappy, just hollow. Hollow so I can't feel unhappy, I suppose. Just empty.

Gonna buy myself a bunch of stuff for Christmas this year. I live a pretty frugal, self-denying existence so it'll be nice to have some cool books and things.

>>21252561
I've accepted their departure. All I do is remember and meet new people. I won't stop myself from living because I can't have what I want.

>>21252780
I coom three times a day and I don't feel worthless anymore. I just feel like I'm in a constant lifelong void and jacking off is my only way of coping, a little endorphin rush to take my mind away of what is otherwise feeling like a depersonalized lump of gore always threatened by a looming, inescapable horror I can't face or fight against and that, no matter what I do, won't go away. I thought following the usual self-improvement nudges and fixing the life I had torn into pieces would help, but it only made it all more pervasive. I get why people kill themselves now, even though I'm still at that point where the idea and sometimes the vocalization of the idea are more cathartic than the act itself could possibly ever be.

>>21250017
the idea of an ecological collapse is an anti-life psyop.
we come to associate out very existence with negative effects on the earth and all life.
there are people in positions of power and influence who want you to be suicidal.
for the sake of goodness and your ancestors do what you can to reduce the suicidal ideation.
think of things in terms of right and wrong as much as you can and choose right as often as you can.
take a multivitamin, b-complex, vitamin d with k2, boron and fish oil
exercise.
t. suicidal ideation sufferer

>>21250324
jumping in to this conversation, consider checking out Pete Walker's cPTSD book, you can google for a pdf

>>21252268
I'll share mine:

I guess I only dive into where I’m at when I’m not doing too well. Not working, not exercising, not socializing. Naval gazing.

I’m anime addicted again. It’s an effective escape, without the effects of drugs. But an escape it is.

I guess avoiding avoidant behavior is the way to go. Shunning escapism in any and all of its forms. Unless writing and making music is a form of escape too? But at least it’s a productive escape, and not consumptive.

Maybe any and all activities are a form of escape for me. If that’s the case than what is it that I’m escaping from? Regret for the past, shame at not living up to my potential. Memories of abortion.

How to balance knowledge of subversion with an attitude of total responsibility? So much black and white thinking. I hate myself. I hate my writing. I hate the way my mouth feels and the way I smell.

I used to type “I am the king of the world” as quickly as I could to test the feel of a new keyboard. Why that phrase? Where did I learn such a fucked up phrase?

Arrogance is the ultimate panacea for insecurity and feelings of worthlessness.

>>21252757
I went through that for a year before it caught up to me and I quit on the spot, no two weeks or anything. Office life is just no way to live, anon. Sure you'll be comfortable, but you'll never be fulfilled. You'll just slowly slip away more and more until you're not even the same person. I've seen it happen to people I was close with and I won't let it happen to me.

I-I'm gonna do it... I'm gonna ask that girl from highschool, who is now on tiktok, to go on a date with me or to date me. Or maybe I shouldn't humiliate myself. I don't know, you tell me.

Started working for myself, by myself, he's hiding something, but it's nothing.

>>21253202
Do it

>>21253335
Sorry, pal, but seggs only after the marriage, if she is truly the right person, anyway. I only want to cuddle, hold hands and kiss her cheeks.

>>21253367
You're chasing some tiktok chick and you think you're gonna turn her into a housewife? Get real, nigga.

>>21252757
Sincere advice: go do something else. Honest to God, I wish I had joined the army rather than spend those years in the office just to pay off debt like I did.

>>21253373
>You're chasing some tiktok chick and you think you're gonna turn her into a housewife?

>>21252757
Think of yourself as an empty vessel blessed with experience, knowledge and biological potential, but more than anything you are what you do every day and you will adapt very quickly to whatever you decide your routine to be. This is how a majority of humanity spends decades on end doing trivial-ass things. Then ask yourself, honestly, if you believe you're worth that or you deserve better.
This is what some don't tell you. You ARE your job.

>>21253377
>he thinks the soul crushing office games end when you put on a uniform

>>21253392

>>21249584
You're gay

>>21250499
I'm too busy casting spells with ancient jew magic to keep the goyim dumbfounded.

>>21250627
when you want to text her, text three others instead. soon, you'll realize she wasn't shit.

How likely is it that saying
>We're not on equal measures. I lead.
To my girlfriend the next time we argue about one of her reckless decisions would end our strained relationship? I'm getting tired of having to be a mediator and bullshit around just to calm her down.

>>21253542
If she is as reckless as you're implying maybe you're just wasting your time trying to keep this relationship afloat. I don't see any point on keeping up with someone's bullshit if they're not suitable for the long term.

>>21253573
She's reckless because she had a real difficult time growing up and hasn't made much sense of it yet, and I believe I could help her out of it if I'm allowed to do so. I know it's a very common excuse amongst "unstable" girls, but this one doesn't have bpd nor does she think she does, and she's been very sincere to a surprising extent about herself and her behavior (once she's calm). Most importantly, i really do think there's an extra purity to her compared to everyone else I've ever known, as if i managed to get a glimpse of her soul, and I want her to look inwards and realize she could be so much more beautiful. The problem, or at least a big part of it, lies in her choosing not to do anything about it. Maybe if we're more upfront about what we want, what we expect, and what we're willing to do, with me assuming a genuine assertive role, we could make a breakthrough. And if we don't make one, then I'll be at peace with parting ways.
I realize how this could fairly come across as an arrogant cringefest to some, but I'm being earnest here. I don't know any other way to phrase all this shit. Thank you for your time.

>>21253438
>you ARE your job
NTA but shit man, this clarifies why i've been so afraid of choosing a proper career path and just drifting around despite the years going by. my life is still empty, but with my current freewheeling status i can still delude myself with thoughts of "yeah brother im actually xyz, i could do that whenever i want" ; whereas if i carried the weight/shackles of responsibilities that are tied with the concept of a regular job, especially careers that require you to spend a whole lot of time and money in studies/apprenticeships/internships just to be able to reach an average salary by the time you're in your thirties, i'd have to face the hollowness of my actions and decisions directly, stare that rotten motherfucker right in his ugly face. right now i could say "lol im gonna live in bosnia for a year", not sure if i could echo it so confidently once i'm engaged. it's the fear of an unfulfilled, bitter life. but i guess if i continue to fart around im bound to die bitter and unfulfilled either way. i keep praying to god that i could get an opening in this one field that speaks to all my senses and that i wholly believe in its mission, but i have enough suspicions to think that it's just misguided romanticism and i won't enjoy or contribute to it as much as i think i will in theory.
living in theory sucks ass. it's scary to think that concrete living sucks just as much. literal sucking, as in slipping away your soul. either way thank you for your clear words anons. god bless you all.

>>21253610
It's very important to try to help your partner, but beware that the abyss can also stare back at you. One of my exes had some deep psychological issues and I tried my earnest to help her out of that "pit", in the end all that burden was also passed on to me and I can say that I left that relationship worse than I was before - maybe because I was naive and didn't see that some things are better handled by a trained professional (ironically I only got to this conclusion many years later through therapy).
Those breakthroughs need to come from within her, otherwise they will not be genuine and could lead to more strain on her and the relationship and it could even lead to her resenting you. The problem is it's very hard to influence someone while being assertive about problems in their psyche.

>>21249281
I'm becoming crazy because of a chick who is by the way the slowest reader I've ever met. The hoe stresses me out to finish some work we have together but she didn't do shit. Can't wait till long internships begin so that I can tell the chick to gtfo in front of everyone and not have to worry about social stigmata

>>21249281
I'm burnt out on the 9-5 bullshit. I'm thinking about living in my van, working part-time in the winter and spending the rest of the year hiking, hunting and fishing. I know this will disappoint my family

>>21253702
Well articulated. I am the original anon who posted about my new job. I went through exactly what you described for about two years before landing this job. Living in that state of potentiality is in some ways comforting but is ultimately counterproductive. The truth is you have to act in order for things to happen and in my experience it is better to commit to the wrong thing than to not commit to anything at all.

Commitment closes out certain opportunities, which is frightening. But it also opens up new opportunities, which can be exciting. When you don't commit to anything you have all the time in the world to think about your opportunities, while never realising any of them.

Despite the drudgery of full time work I do find it much easier to plan my life and my future now that I have solid ground beneath my feet. It is overall a positive for me, but it does necessitate sacrifice.

>>21253711
You make perfect sense. It's just that I feel like an unholy criminal for letting her wallow in that muck of despair and bitterness and being on the verge of exploding everyday while thinking that she's living it nicely and, I really wish this wasn't true, with nobody else to turn to for now. Her family were and still are sad and despicable hyenas, save for her lovely little siblings whom she takes care of as best she can. I'm not her savior, I don't even know if I'm capable of satisfying her needs when it comes to a home life, but I trust mine and my entourage's intentions a whole lot more than the environment she's audibly loathed for so long. Then again I can already hear her calling me "a know it all moralfag who thinks he's better" again, which is how i tend to come off anyway. I fear for her in the long run, which is a messed up thing to say about someone who is supposed to be your partner, but it's the truth. Of course slow dancing to Bowie's Young Americans while reassuring each other is warm and swell, but it doesn't exactly make for a solid foundation for marriage against the barrage of unnecessary troubles we're already facing at this point. I dearly hope and pray that she finds her way out and leads a more peaceful life, with or without me. She's too beautiful for that, bros.
I guess I'll just leave her in God's trust. She curses him often, which is understandable considering her rough time on earth and feeling "let down", but I have faith. I hope it works out well.

>>21249798
This has to be the second or third time I've had a long-form conversation with you in this thread, didn't realize it was you until this post. Sorry about the rather late reply, I've been busy not sleeping.

I grew up in a very religious family as well, Muslim. Didn't have sex until 24 and it was with a nearly 40 year old woman, something about the motherly comfort finally made it possible for me to open up to the sexual side of me. Growing up anything even remotely sexual was off limits in any way, it was never even discussed and the broaching of the topic basically always led to some kind of punishment, usually just a verbal scolding or horrible, hurtful looks. Unfortunately for me my overall damaged-ness has led to a really dysfunctional expression of my sexuality where, I've completely separated it from myself. Sex is impersonal for me, it's a mechanical thing. I don't ever go near a real woman who I could ever have a real relationship or real feelings for, that would be far too dangerous for me. Sexuality is just one of the ways in which I keep people around or can stay in control of a "relationship". At one point being sexually desired was a way for me to get the validation of my worth that I couldn't generate on my own. I had, for the longest time, considered myself a wholly unattractive and undesirable person. Realizing that I was the exact opposite of that and in fact incredibly blessed in that department was a really nice novelty for about a year. I slept with a large number of women in a very short period of time but all I was really doing was delaying my development into a real human being, coping by externalizing the regulation of my emotions.

When you finally engage with your sexuality try to do it in the context of a real romantic relationship with someone who has the intention of being with you for an extended period of time. Sex should be an expression of love and as the most intimate physical act two people can engage in it should be treated with the respect it deserves. It's rough that I can know all these things but seem incapable of acting on them.

>My theory is that the fear of intimacy is a manifestation of a much deeper fear of being abandoned or rejected, or of becoming reliant on anything outside of yourself for solace and comfort.
Yeah. I'd like to hear more if you're willing to share more. Will post again tomorrow when I'm not running on almost 50 hours of no sleep. Hope I'm lucid rn.

Any books a man should read before he goes through with suicide?

>>21253728
Who cares? Just thinking about the men at the office and how pathetic they are is enough to do anything to escape.

>>21253828
your diary desu

>>21253833
I need books to encourage me to live the life I want to live rather than the life I'm expected to live

>>21253828
Maurice Maeterlinck - The Intelligence of Flowers. Or any of his books, really.
René Girard - I see Satan Falling like Lightning.
Idries Shah - Wisdom of the Idiots
Moomins by Tove Jansson.
Also make sure to visit some notable museums and contemplate the masterpieces there. If you can find some of Thomas Cole or Vuillard's paintings exposed somewhere, then please go.
Look at Félix Thiollier's photographs.
Genuinely chasing the beauty in the details and the textures is never unfulfilling. If you still want to leave afterwards, than it's your choice to make, but don't make it before you got a taste. Remember, you're making a bet against infinity itself.

>>21253869
Desert Solitaire is one of them, anon.
On a more subtle level, Bolaño's Last Evenings on Earth (Llamadas Telefonicas) taps into that wound with a lot of care. A lot of unfulfilled lives in those stories.
God bless, and good luck. It's a worthy fight.

>>21253891
>Desert Solitaire is one of them, anon.
Good book. I also enjoyed monkey wrench gang. Another anon suggested digital minimalism, so Im going to add that to the queue
>On a more subtle level, Bolaño's Last Evenings on Earth (Llamadas Telefonicas) taps into that wound with a lot of care. A lot of unfulfilled lives in those stories.
I'll check it out, thanks

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.

It's 4 in the morning and i have class tommorrow, and i'm posting on a 4chan thread.

I wonder if i was destined to end up here, on this site, and i wonder what could've gone differently for me to end up somewhere else in the places i go online, and offline.

I went to a halloween gig being played by a friend, and like always, he got upstaged by a rock band going on before him, there was a girl who started the night and she was pretty.

I'm lonely and terrible at understanding anything about social cues, but great at talking over people and just keep saying words.

Last night i shared a drink with and got passed a joint at the smoking shelter by a guy whose name i'd forgotten but whose face i recognized, we talked about the decline of hats, and he mentioned tophats, i told him i had a picture of me in a tophat, and he revealed that the picture had been taken in his flat, i don't know if i'm just forgetful or a complete self absorbed cunt, though i did remember his name eventually, it was Sidney.

I'm losing weight, and i need to wear a belt for most of my trousers, i don't want to buy new clothes, because the belt keeps them up, my brother's getting married next month and my mum got mad at me for wanting to wear an older suit i had, because the trousers were too loose, feeling clothes get looser makes me feel happy.

I bought a weed vape through the intornet superhighway because i suck at rolling and the thought of talking to a dealer or learning how to properly roll spooks me in a way it really, really shouldn't.

I had a dream last night about asking a group of priests if i could take a communion wafer without having gone through a first communion ceremony, and was told no, and then i asked if i would go to hell if i didn't recieve communion, to which they replied that i would, i then asked if i could go through first communion now, the priests asked me to do strange things, like lying on the stone floor and humiliating myself, and i kept doing what they asked even though i knew i wouldn't receive communion.

About a week ago i checked out my old church i used to go to as a kid, and was shocked at how small it was, there were small sculptures of christ at various stages in his life dotted along the walls, and i remember the one of him carrying the crucifix more than the one of him hanging on it, the actual crucifixtion sculpture had a massively exagerated expression, like he was groaning, but the one of him carrying the cross had a muted, pained expression, i wish i could believe in God, i wish i could genuinely believe.

There is no future, not really, nobody genuinely believes in the future anymore, and even the people who claim to, political radicals (who essentially attempt to try and emulate the hopes of a previous generation's concieved future) and liberal worshippers, who think that Musk's Technocratic-RedditGoldism will create that old idea of the future are both full of shit. There is only now, forever and ever.

>>21253928
All I can say is that you sound fairly young, you have a lot of time and experience ahead and I ask you to contemplate as much as you can on your everyday, quotidien, events. Contemplation doesn't requires patience, mind you, but it's necessary if you want to grow. Not grow up, but grow. I'd recommend quitting weed but I guess you'll get over it through time. As far as faith goes, make sure you leave some space for it, don't close the gap. Look into how connected this whole thing is, and make of it what you will. Write for yourself.
Sorry if I might have sounded condescending, it's not my intention. Good luck, man.

>recent research management hires hitting >75% femael
I'm like a gigolo for femcel data scientists bros inverted gender dynamics have opened a huge opportunity for handsome lit students

>>21249281
Had a good reading day today; my most in a while. Started and finished both Hesse’s Siddartha and Aeschylus’ Libation Bearers, 50-100 pages of The Brothers Karamazov and some essays. Basically read all day

Wish my rotten heart could love this gal but I don't think it can

>>21254152
Why don’t you think you can

>>21253928
>I bought a weed vape
Destroy it now
Limit your consumerism
Save your allowance if you get it
Limit yourself to no more than 50 dollars (30 in the suburbs) or 50% of your allowance a week (whichever is least) on things that are for pleasure. That includes restaurant food, snacks, soda, hentai, and weed if you really have to.
Every time you want to buy something but do not, you have made progress.

>>21254163
I feel nothing, I think I should feel something. Now, I have never felt anything so I don't really know about this line of reasoning.

>>21254175
You’ve never had feelings of any kind towards anyone? You don’t even love your family members?

If you feel nothing, why do you wish you could love her?

>>21254175
think about something else. if you don't feel anything why are you thinking about it? watch a documentary and eat food

>>21254175
Why do you think you should feel something?

>>21254200
Well that's just it. Should I feel something? I don't know because I never have. So.

>>21254192
I don't want to rugpull her in case I actually start feeling feels for someone else down the line. So I guess I need to be responsible here and cut off meeting her.

>>21254183
> You don’t even love your family members?
I really don't know? I think of my relationship with them as something entirely duty-based.

>>21254216
How are you going to cut it off? Is she someone you spend a lot of time with and see regularly?

>>21254229
> How are you going to cut it off? Is she someone you spend a lot of time with and see regularly?

I don't think I really meant "cut" off entirely, since we will meet weekly by necessity around work, but I won't meet her outside of work anymore. Seems like the responsible decision to make here considering my confusion.

>>21253928
hit the gym, get some sun and smoke Marlboro

>>21249281
Growing up i’ve always been a Doom and Gloom kind of person. Death always have intrigued me. as a young boy i remember pondering upon death as a concept. The moment you cease to exist to everyone but most importantly to yourself. I remember pondering upon what comes after. Questions Such as “Will i just see darkness, as if i’m trapped in an infinite abyss, forever left on my own?” or things like “ Will i even feel anything ? What does it mean not to feel? What does it mean to not be, to have no thoughts ?”

Almost exactly a year ago my grandma died. For the first time in my life i felt grief, that feeling of losing someone you deeply connected with and cared for. At the moment i didn’t really process it properly. I cried, i cried a lot but afterward i never really properly grieved in the proper sense of the meaning. the day after her death i buried my feelings deep within and neglected my emotions, never really giving myself a proper time to heal. I viewed it as a fact that my grandma has come to pass and theres no reason to feel sadness again. But ofcourse it lingers, hiding in the depths, patiently waiting for the right time to spring up and oppress my senses in terrorising melancholy. That same night that my grandmother passed i called the only person i can truly show my feelings to and be vulnerable with and i wept questioning life, death, and God. We talked for about an hour, she helped console me and gave me reason to not jump into the abyss.

Not too long ago my then girlfriend and i decided to end our relationship. It came to be so by a number of factors. Me not fulfilling my promises, our detiriorating way of communication to one another, and a number of other things. The flames of passion has been snuffed leaving a black hole that sinks and consumes everything in its wake. I then let my self sink into a deep depression in which i still lie. Never have i experienced a feeling so visceral that i can feel physical pain deep inside my chest. Left on my own devices, i now proceed through life with nothing getting me through the days but sheer cellular will to preserve life. sometimes in my daily commute i fantasize of fatal accidents and crashes in which i am struck by oncoming traffic and simply cease to exist. But to no avail here i am, carrying on through life. Living. Thinking. Simply, Being.

>>21253202
THEY ARE GIRLFRIENDS!!

As long as you don't ask her out in front of others, don't see it as humiliating. Prepare for rejection. Don't get crushed by the feelings. Become confident now, remain confidant after regardless of the outcome

>>21253202
> girl from highschool .. now on tiktok

forget about her anon
she is for the streets

>>21254338
Most of them are just in the own rooms, you giga-cel

My heart is racing from too much sugar and I need to wake up early for work. I can hear the rain. I love rain but it’s driving me crazy. I took two days off of work last week, but I somehow still don’t feel rested because they just made me work over the weekend instead. I am so tired. I want to rest for a long time, I want to have a whole week off just for myself, just to sleep and get my mind back. But I haven’t had that in years. I can’t rest even when I want to because I’m too tired to sleep, too stressed about sleeping. I want someone to tell me it’s okay to quit, that I have enough saved, that I can afford to go to graduate school and focus on the things I really care about. But it’s not true. The only thing I hear is the pounding in my veins and the rain gutters and I have to get up in less than six hours and keep working and keep working and keep working.

>>21254352
He doesn't know

>>21249297
People here read?

>>21254478
They're supposed to be readers. This is what the board is for

>>21254402

>>21254402
Hahahahahahahahaha I am still not asleep. Please god, someone knock me unconscious. I just want to be dead.

>>21249297
Its so hard to concentrate on one book.

>>21254498
Concentrate.
On one book.

Duke it out one chapter at a time. Which is better, after a few chapters wins your attention. Get back to the other or don't.

Niggers could be here.

>>21254549
It's you, fag.

>>21254551
Don't respond to my posts.

>>21251421
>>21251393

At that point did you become redpilled to the Woman question?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x10E5MyXiM

>>21254559
Don't post on my board anymore.

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>>21254574
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