/lit/ - Literature

First reply, I just broke this threads hymen.
Anyone else who posts after me is getting my sloppy seconds, my leftovers.
Just remember that the first reply is the most special reply and you'll never experience this thread the way I did and this thread will never feel the way it felt about me about you.
Its over, you might as well just go post on reddit and talk about how much of a "man" you are for replying on a thread that I pumped and dumped. Have fun with my scraps, cucks.

It's important to keep focus. Don't lose sight of the mission. Now dilate those pupils boy

>>21549808
Dyad. Monad. Union of one and many. Hypostasis. Limits. Infinitesimal calculus. Liminal space. Being and becoming. Fields and waves. Vibration and resonance. The Trinity. Supratemporal existence of man. Matter and Geist united in Man as an image of Man and God united in the God-man. Death.

Why did I repress my emotional self? I feel so incomplete and impotent.

>>21549808
---- Solaria ----
772
(Munster)

Driving suburbia in the middle of June,
Cruising sublime views of maple metropoles

Astonishing glitter, immense pink clouds of apple species,
Colossal swathes of cottontails,

Exquisitely green views from high roads, easy conversation with
Beautiful men, towering mulberries,

Demure, quiet fields in which almost
Everything possible grows, instantly fatal or
Immediately delightful.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>21549980
Thus we have come full circle

Are you hopeful for your future?

Does handwriting improve with time or is it one of those skills which is almost entirely formed in your earliest years? My hands are ruined from the nature of my work, though I am able to hold a pen and write somewhat coherently it looks awful and has not improved.

>>21550164
Of course you can improve with practice, goofy. Go buy the 5 Spencerian copybooks off Amazon and get to it.
Your grip is probably all screwed up from death gripping the pen and using too much pressure - consider buying a fountain pen as they require no downward pressure to write with.

Being "upfront" about your feelings and sentiments can be fun somtimes.
Some girls tried to tease me whether or not I miss her. I didn't even hesitate and said some some corny ass line about missing her. Fun.

I ate too much and now my tummy hurts. :(

Women are the most beautiful thing nature has ever created and I hate them so goddamn much.

No one replied to my post last time. So I will reply to the current posts.
>>21549867
I'm so proud of you. I hope you take responsibility for the thread, anon.
>>21549896
God I wish I could get back into flow state at work. Give me known knowns!
>>21549909
Yes.
>>21549910
Capitalist structures designating cultural norms which develop into learned behaviors taught in your upbringing. Easy to be mad at everything. Harder to articulate more nuanced emotional states without everyone else flipping shit because they can't articulate it either.
>>21549947
I don't get it, but I support you in it.
>>21549980
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>21549981
Circles aren't real.
>>21550156
Not at all. My back hurts. My wallet is empty. All I got is a rented refrigerator and a pocket sized dopamine screen.
>>21550164
>>21550176
There is a book out there called Handwriting repair. I believe I found it on the r/handwriting subreddit that was extremely useful when it came to practicing more legible writing. My issue was that I was writing from the wrist and I gripped my pen like my penis. There are some great resources out there. It's just relearning something, just like anything else. You can fix it.
>>21550179
Sincerity is nice sometimes.
>>21550235
:( go lay down
>>21550239
I think I may completely agree. I wish I had more to say on the subject but you encapsulated the feeling so exquisitely. It's always easy to be mad.

>>21550268
Don't reply to me again unless you can do 20 non-kipping pullups in a row.

>>21549808
What does it mean when she uses ":)" smiley face

>>21550288
"I'm going to give this guy the lowest-effort response possible that will still keep him orbiting me"

>>21550293
It is over.

>>21550273
Which post were you so I can deeply analyze your textual cadence and purposefully ignore you.

I'm afraid I converted to Christianity to cope with my nihilism and now I can't tell if I truly love God or if it's just cope all the way down at this point

>>21550239
Why? Do you hate that you are not the subject of their affection in return? Are you a worthwhile, strong man?

>>21550268
>Harder to articulate more nuanced emotional states without everyone else flipping shit because they can't articulate it either.
I think my family didnt tolerate my emotions in the childhood.

>>21550324
Trust your ability to love correctly and for the right reasons.

>>21550324
It's a beautiful mythology, Anon. Just let go and lose yourself in the pageantry.

I moved back in with my parents at 28 after I became a remote worker. It’s been 2 years. I really regret doing this.

>>21549808
Dear diary, I don't understand. Some years I have female orbiters I can enjoy the company of and some years I don't seem to appeal to anyone at all. My charisma has deflated and I feel like I am an ugly turd today. Not that a turd holds the potential to be handsome, but still, when will I feel like a king again? I miss being charming and cuddling cutie pies without a care in the world.

>>21550361
Why don't you move out?

>>21550361
> Moving back to parents at 28
grim
> living at parents at 30 year sold
med grindset

>>21550361
Honestly, if you're living at home, getting an office job would not be a bad idea.

>>21550324
If you don't agree with the moral underpinnings, you will never find peace with any of the Abrahamic creeds. There are no old creeds either which can be revived either. The only option is to find a new world-view, one that reinforced your view and actions.

>>21550288
She wanted to reply but had nothing of value to say.
>>21550324
What's the difference between the simulation of a duck and a living duck?
>>21550335
That's probably it. Wanna talk about it?
>>21550361
Why do you regret it? Are your parents awful? Did you befriend them as an adult? Is it financially helpful? Is it that it's cock blocking you and you can't stumble home drunk as a skunk and you have to do the dishes?
>>21550367
I got fat and weak over covid and moved from a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a big pond, work wise. This made dealing with women and managing my internal measurement of self value all sorts of fucked up.

> referring to the thing that conquered much of the known world and kept alive Rome in Western Europe as "Abrahamic creed"

internet nazis are so fucking boring and I am a virulent nihilist

I tried working in academia. Loads of adjunct positions, a couple of papers that were received well-enough, but holy fuck man, that lifestyle, the endless hours, the endless prostrating oneself to get funding, the endless kowtowing to the vanity projects of boomers who are regional powers in academia, now the added self-flagellation you have to do if you're a white male and the diversity hires filling up the already extremely limited positions. Whatever idealism that drove me through that in the first place has been suffocated.

I fucked on out of there and started teaching philosophy at a private high school in a nice town, and holy fuck my life is so much better. My students love me and my coworkers are all chill people who can laugh and have fun instead of conniving wrecks of anxiety looking for a way to steal your work and stab you in the back, it pays better, actually enough for a middle to upper-middle class life in my country, and I work something like 15 effective hours a week.

My God academia is a meme for masochists. Imagine working 60-70 hour weeks with mostly non-transferable skills until you're 45 because of a 20% chance you'll get tenure, dropping to 5% if you're a white male. Completely deranged.

>>21550400
I once saw the head of a funding committee that disbursed a massive yearly grant give it, for three years in a row, to his three daughters. One of the precarious adjuncts got to pissed when it happened the last time, called them out on it, and all that came of it was that his contract wasn't renewed on a) management didn't think they needed him anymore (still had to hire another to do his job) and b) rumors of him being sexist.
I once read a swedish historian's paper I think it was, he was clearly on his way out, and his entire point in the paper was that modern academia had the same politics as feudalist sweden, it was pretty enjoyable and unironically well-reasoned.
Thats why every advisor or academic mentor worth anything is going to advise people to not go into academia.

>>21550398
Those was because they were Europeans anon, not Christians. Any unifiying force would of produced the same result. It was the inborn nature of Europeans being superior, be it due to geography or unintentional eugenics does not matter. Christianity is destined to history, it enjoyed its peak and now it is gradually crumbling. Your choices are be part of a new creed based on blood and soil or capitulate to Islam. The same was Christianity spread is the same way Islam is though they have no Frankish king to unify around they have commited acts of brutality that put Charles the Great to shame.

>>21550398
lmao kept Rome alive
lmao implying Byzantium even did

I am so tired of pissing. I've been writing on a paper for 8 hours or so now, and I have had to go and piss no less than 4 times. Strong streams of clear piss, because I drink so much sparkling water when I write. Unironically thinking of getting a piss jug so I don't have to constantly move from my office to my bathroom.

>>21550392
I’m just too old to be around them so much. It was fine for like a year because once I became a remote worker I didn’t want my lease anymore and it gave me a permanent address, but it got really old really fast.

>>21550392
>Wanna talk about it?
Sure.

>>21550444
Alive is perhaps not the best word, Roman Church was in charge of preserving the tradition in some form in Western Europe (storing the records, writing out its history so that we can now read about it), and the Byzantine was in charge of the same at East.

>>21550435
This is why I can't respect Internet Nazis. Christianity is the primary reason Europe even enjoyed a renaissance in culture after the decline of the Roman Empure, which was in a constant state of political turmoil and influxes of Germanic and Iranian invaders from the East for 4 centuries before it buckled. Literally, monks spent years preserving classic Roman and Greek philosophical literature that influenced your retarded posts, the decices you use on a daily basis are derived from engineering whixh was the result of scientific and mathematical inquiries begun by people like Bishop Robert Grossteste and Friar Roger Bacon in the 1200s AD which served as the basis for modern science, engineering and math. Just because niggers and Jews doesn't mean you can make shit up. I'm not even a wignat at all, but I understand why the guy that wrote the Turner Diaries hated poorly educated white trash mobs: because they're stupid as fuck, are easily misled in the name of ideology and frankly have no clue what they are talking about in addition to being ignorsnt of history. In that sense they're no different than their socialist and capitalist counterparts, just replace "the white race" with the "proletariat" or "the free market". Like nigga, don't you known most white Europeans are racist towards other groups of white Europeans just as much as they are to other races? Look into the Balkans and see how mich value the average Serb, Albanian, Greek, Croatian or Bosnian puts into the concept of a white race that includes his blood enemies.

In terms of Islam, it's not as big of a threat in Europe as Americans make it seem.The vast majority of Muslims have children that become extremely secular and often are more degenerate than their European counterparts. If anything is killing this world, its secularism and glowies promoting retarded internet ideologies like socialism, white nationalism (which is only promoted for the sake of having an eternal enemy and not its actually effective at what it foes) and globohomo capitalism. Your posts are beyond stupid, but then again anyone that unironically worships a massove fuckup like George Lincoln Rockwell isn't going to be the sharpest tool in the shed.

>>21550500
If it was Christianity that made Europe strong and great, why has no other continent experienced it? South America and Africa are amongst the most Christian places yet they have achieved nothing, at all. No great works or monuments. This further lends credence to the fact that it was European blood that made Europe, not Christianity. As said above, every single Christian organization and known denomination has capitulated to other religions. A sad fate for a creed that had so many great men under its banner.

Read something better than the Turner Diaries, anon.

Today my high ambitions bit back, misery and release from the constant work, but I've been reminded of my love for the cold. Cold air absorbs hot emotions. I thought I had grown cold to it, but you simply must embrace it. Walk into a warm room and let it get a bit cold: your status quo is warm and the cold niggles you, harasses your hands and feet. Walk into a warm room and throw open the windows with great abandon: cold is your status quo, air flows, vitality renewed, the white wine's life preserving qualities deeply appreciated. Mediocre temperatures for mediocre people, you are insane if you do not like the cold - open the window

>>21550534
>If it was Christianity that made Europe strong and great, why has no other continent experienced it?
I guess Russia is part of Europe now as is Lebanon and the Levant, Egypt and North Africa, large swathes of China, India, the Phillipines,etc. Are you genuonely retarded or are you just coping with the fact that you are historically and culturally ililliterate.

>South America and Africa are amongst the most Christian places yet they have achieved nothing, at all.
So retardedly corrupt political systems are the fault of Christianity, not the people that live there now?

>This further lends credence to the fact that it was European blood that made Europe, not Christianity.
It really doesn't. It just means you are good at gaslighting yourself into thinking stupid shit for equally retarded reasons.

>As said above, every single Christian organization and known denomination has capitulated to other religions. A sad fate for a creed that had so many great men under its banner.
Can you give actual examples rather than retarded generalizations? I find it hard to believe entire denominations capitualted to other religions orher than Orthodoxy, which literally did that by being subservient to gay Turkish Muslims for 4 centuries and atheist Soviets for a century.

You read to much wignat trash. Read an actual history book by someone that is knowledgable about the subject. It doesn't matter if it's the Turner Diaries or retarded schlock by your local meth-addicted Neo-Nazi: wignats are universally retarded and partake in the same cherrypicking of history they claim leftists, socialists and capitalists of doing (which they also do to be quite fair).
Stop embarassing yourself. Do something productove with your time other than engaging in gay CIA glowops to justify them getting a paycheck.

>>21550388
Do you mean an in-person office job? I have an office job, but it’s remote.

>>21550374
I’m looking for apartments right now.

>>21550586
>>21550534

I'd also like to add that most European societies before Christianity were basically just as devoid pf culture as you accuse Africa and Sputh America of being. Except for the Romans and Greeks, we basically only have fragmentary knowledge of their cultures becuase they were preliterate and what we do know painta them as barbarians. For fucks sake, if yoy are going to hate on black people, stop stealing their retarded Hotep KANG mindset. It's rather pathetic a grown man (supposedly) belives this shit

>>21550324
Despair and doubt in all things come from the devil. The point of Christianity is Faith. Faith at all times, contingent on nothing. I recently reread Matthew and it was very clear. Every single event that happens, every single miracle, every parable and so on only point to one thing: Faith. To fall is human, to fall and not get back up is demonic.

>>21550500
I like your post. It was people like you that made me enjoy coming to /lit/ in the first place; genuine free thinkers. You have my respect.

The gavel does not ring o'er pastures pure and green
The bird does not sing 'til the burning dawn of spring
The sky does not open 'til its blue hue is broken
Man is most loven by weak words unspoken

More poetry lads

>>21550333
>Do you hate that you are not the subject of their affection in return?
Do not project your insecurities onto me, woman.

In heaven men bear witness like blue herons
To women's whirling warmth like summer wind
In hell there is no hate nor affection
The air stands still and silent to no end

>>21550653
Women are either gentle creatures of beauty that can easily be lead astray, and thus are deserving off protection. If so they are not responsible for what they do to make you hurt and hate them.

Or

They are no different from men and you hate is justified as they would be subject to the same judgements we are. They can not be both.

It is weak men that permitted the situation, though you do not hate them as you belong to that caste.

>>21550685

>>21550592
In-person yeah. Get out of the house a bit

Watching
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfXBNQMj2SE
on repeat all day

>>21550698
I get out enough to stay sane by going to the gym, going for walks, hikes, running errands. Sometimes I’ll go work at a local coffee shop. I hate remote work to be honest, but I don’t think I’d want to go into an office here and there aren’t many jobs for the sort of thing I do here. I think I’m just going to move out and then potentially find a new job where I move.

I feel like I ended up in the wrong career. I could really use sound advice but have nowhere to get it.

videogames are the best shit of all times
I feel such joy playing them, it seems nothing can top this feeling, not even books
haters gonna hate

>>21550788
Do you think you’ll play them until you’re old?

Hey bros shohld I go to Cal State LA, Fullerton, or San Bernardino?

>>21550840
Can you imagine nursing homes full of zoomers?

There has to be something crucially wrong with me to have gone twenty seven years without having had a single real friend or even kissed a girl, right? Also is it common to have daily suicidal fantasies without remembering it ever not being like this? Feels like something's missing, like i was born without a soul or the ability to love. I'am not sure how long i can keep going on like this.

>>21550883
Read Kafka's aphorisms

>>21550883
Talk to us anon, what is your situation and what were the events that led to you being like this? You are right, it is not normal, nor is it normal to daily consider suicide. Between the few of us here we may bang together a rough way for you to get out. Twenty-seven is not too late at all, you can do fix this.

>>21550883
Don't worry. We are never truly alone or friendless.

>>21550885
>Man cannot live without a permanent trust in something indestructible in himself, and at the same time that indestructible something as well as his trust in it may remain permanently concealed from him.

>>21550907
>Believe in God and be friends with it and dont at all think that you are being punished.
>God works in mysterious ways as his ways are beyond our comprehension
>27... 28... 29... 30
>God loves me
>31... 32... 33... 34

I know you mean well, but that strikes me as worse than the kikery that is therapy. It offere nothing but a vague feeling to distract the mind if a social being that is cut off from the tribe.

He needs to be forcefully inducted in to a group, not told platitutes to ease a rightly worried mind.

>>21550923
What sort of group?

>>21550923
God doesnt want man to be alone. Thats why he made woman and the church

What is this that i'm writing? What is this piece of words conflated together, in a probably flawed english, that i'm typing from - god knows where in the world - that a bunch of strangers can read inside a ravine of the internet. What do they know about this pain? anyway, this piece of words will be read probably by 1-2 people and then even forgotten. Pretty much like life, a flash and then darkness again.

>>21550929
A group of like minded and similar experienced people, so he neither feels pity at being the lowest link or contempt for those below him. One where the barrier to entry is high enough to feel a sense of accomplishment for attaining. Be it the military or an exclusive hobby club.

>>21550930
He has been unable to secure either a friend or a meaningful relationship. Telling him to find God does not help, nor does the good intentions of God.

>>21550937
You forgot about the moon and the stars

>>21550880
can't see why not

>>21550942
The disconnect here is that you're an atheist and dont believe it's meaningful to have a relationship with God

Do we not need to light lanterns in the morning?

I'm thinking of writing a short story set in 204X where a relatively young, zealous, fairly reactionary man becomes the Prophet of the Mormon Church and attempts to ignite a large-scale violent overthrow of state and local governments in the Mormon Belt in order to establish a theocracy led by the First Presidency, drawing on the relatively large number of Mormons who own and train with firearms, work in 3 letter agencies, or have financial and political connections as a power base, with widespread social and political unrest plus a deeply divided federal government as a backdrop. The State of Deseret would then undergo several violent internal conflicts, with factions such as the polygamy-focused Fundamentalists and the more secular, financially-minded, glowie-backed Ensign Peak Group each seeking to wrest power from the current Prophet without exposing their plots to the believing Mormon populace at large. In the end, the infighting destabilizes the region beyond repair and it becomes something similar to Syria at the height of the civil war, Temple Square is destroyed in a suicide bombing by a First Patriarch restorationist group, the federal government seizes the remaining assets of the church, and it is hinted that the entire affair was directed by occultists in the ranks of the Quorum of the Seventy as a form of mass blood atonement for what is perceived as a second great apostasy.

does anyone here wanna hear my tragic gay ass love story and how i can't make sense out of it?

>>21550949
You can keep banging that drum. It has no dount been told to him dozens of times before and it has not helped him. I suspect he may of seriously tried cleaving to God and got nothing in return, only more misery and isolation.

>>21550956
Go on then

>>21550930

Then he fucked up
Really, really bad

>>21550956
May as well post it

>>21549867
Typical Brony Comment

It’s remarkable to me how much my generation loves education and college. Every day on social media all I see is constant pessimism towards politics and hatred of “the system” but 99% of people that I know still go to college and are eager to get degrees. It’s not even that they simply want money, they love the academic validation of school. They take pictures of their notebooks and pens like it’s a cutesy aesthetic and post them on their Instagram stories. Women in particular are utterly possessed by the idea of having careers and stacking degrees.

If people want to be careerists and dedicate their lives to studying then OK, that’s their decision. Most people my age are clearly much smarter than I am because I could never bring myself to learn biochemical engineering or physics or whatever. But if you’re gonna integrate yourself so much in the university system and devote your life to transactional labor then you cannot possibly brand yourself as some sort of dissident against capitalism. You can’t post all day on social media about how the world is evil and needs to be changed when you actively uphold its institutions. You can’t be a fucking Ivy League student and then whine about oppression in Western societies.

Is Wikipedia broken for me or does it look like this for everyone else? It looks like crap.

>>21551000
What's the alternative?

>>21551000
Ive been realizing that education is a rite of passage and the huge emphasis on it is because of the cultural expectation of being educated.

>>21551000
>>21551011
>>21551057

The shared experience of the militart has been supplanted by the (lesser) shared experience of higher education. Both do the same thing, remould you to what they want. The only difference between them is one left thought intact while the other leaves the body intact.

>>21551057
If you read the right books and speak well, you can just lie about having the degree and most ppl will buy it

>>21550962
My first ex dumped me last april. I loved him deeply, not as much from his part though. Later, i realized i had been manipolated, gaslighted and cheated on by him and perhaps he had narcissist tendencies.
So that was my wake up call: i started working out, eating well, non-stop walking, walking, walking. Journalling and writing stuff. Unstuck myself with my studies, went into therapy to improve myself.
Meanwhile - i admit - i kept stalking him online and on dating apps (which he always was online, even while we were together) for a while. Found out he jumped into another relationship the same week he left me. (he proclaimed himself polyamorous during our monogamous relationship). 2 months after he dumps the new polyamorous guy and gets back to monogamy (what a surprise). He has some hook-ups with other 3-4 guys, i get to know this thanks to a spy (another funny story i could develop further). he seemed he couldn't find his mr. right during his obsessive research.
Meanwhile, i kept going and improving myself throughout the summer. by pure luck i match with a 10/10 looking dude and i get to know him and meet him. he lived 2 hours far away. The new guy looked so into me. So sweet at first, a bit cold perhaps. I meet him once and twice. We kiss and have sex. seemed like he was into me for a relationship, despite always having the fear he wants to use me running on background.
Meanwhile, my ex was alone. You'd say now: "well, seems like there's some justice left in the world" right? not at all.
August comes, i had my planned trip to Canada (I live in italy and this was my first trip in america, i planned it right after my ex dumped my as a mean to move on).
I get back from holidays, in the meanwhile the new guy starts to pull away and gives me breadcrumbs. I try to stay chill, but i die inside, too afraid to speak up.
Someday in september i tell him: "well, if you're not interested anymore just tell me, no prob". He doesn't *actually* say yes or no, and keeps stringing me along. I can't manage to hang out with him a third time because he keeps bailing. Finally he accepts. Felt like he friendzoned me.
Finally, after two months of anxiety and war flashbacks, i got the courage to speak up. he gives me some weak ass excuse and that day i ended the situationship. Mentally destroyed by this second dude. Meanwhile my ex got together with this gay guy from a group chat he used to lurk in and is now totally happy. he deleted all his dating apps. And i'm here, alone, with nobody in sight. working on myself.
At this point, there's no logic in this world. no justice, no balance, just cruel randomness at best. I can't make sense of this whole situation.

>>21549808
Last night I dreamed about a homeless man who emanated evil. There was a hut in some meadow down a road I found, and I was in the hut... later found out that was the homeless man's hut, and that he had killed his own son. I had intense fear about having been in the hut. I found my brother in the meadow and had to get him to get the fuck out of there.

The wind is whistlening with fervor. Colossal.
We jump low fences, swimming through mud with dirty hands. We raise and slip. We raise again. The stiffled stomps on squishy earth and the wind sing violent sounds together.
Grey rocks everywhere, and marble and wood. Crosses. Plates. Arches. Stone beds and flowers. I see statues of upside down angels, with wings of led, crying into the earth as they fall. The wood of the trees is strangling the air with angry, crooked branches.
These bastards want us not in flesh and and bones. Severed bounds of ours with life is what these bastards want. These bastards are out to get us. These bastards rain with blood. They have weapons and lasers and many great weapons. They have barracks and hidden bases. Bombs in houses and homes, control of the masses and exploitation of the world; plans they have.
I look up and see the moon, crescent and milky, like a malefic smile. The stars are bats flying on the night sky. I see them dancing and running and jumping.
It's almost midnight.
I hear whispers in the night, and visions I see after the impact between eyelids and knuckles.
I pull Faharic close to me. Tell him I do, that he go ahead and leave me be as I am to be. I hand him the satchel, for long way there's ahead and together we can't.
On the petals hoar-frost, 2 agents under the mahogany moon. Full moon it is, and there are no stars to be seen. Evaded a full month ago, the 2 agents forced to run forever. Heart ceases my rush, hit the mud when I fall precisely.
Faharic helps me up.
Lean against a taller chestnut. Branches torn and leaves forming curtains, hard like walls and risen around themselves guiding the gusts of air. All trees around me look like this, their crowns intertwined in a great maze. They guide and flee away what air rolls between them, and in the distance i hear a dog bark turn into how and back into bark. It's coming.
What I hear. Noise of steps betrayed by dry leaves. Miserly the 3, patrolling bastards. Like cowards, patrolling through the deep woods.
My shoes I take off.
I catch the first one covertly. Against his head, bashes sounding like the thump on dusty earth. Arms mine crackling through neck his. Hands in splinters, bones making evil sounds. His vertebrae clenched all.
Screams of Faharic booming through the air, traveling at great speeds. The tree maze bows over and twists around, sound guiding to my ears; terrified. Petrified. Stand I and before me 2 individuals. Catch them I do, with my eyes in their hands and there are penknifes in the dark. Blood glistening in strange lights. Back at the moon i stare and can hear it in my head, echoing the howl of dog that's nowhere to be seen with them. But he is here. I cannot wait to meet him.
In the middle of us all, a great hole in the forest. In hole in it's middle I glance, and see light falling down in petals and sparkles.

>>21551237
Gentle the light falls, and slow and lethargic. A rose there is. A single, 1 great and red. Bloody flower, on a great vine stretching in the middle of the hole. Thorns.
And on the men too, I see thorns. Impaling with dirty sounds, crispy skin. Blood gushes out. Like geizers, forever and never ending, blood gushing out of the holes as the individuals do run around. They do run around. The bastards run around now, never stopping, blood gushing out of their holes. More and more people like them.
The rose, close and next to I rest. I stare into it, vines I see with my 2 eyes. I don't feel pain. No anger or no sadness. Emotionless I lay, and no pain still. Staring into the rose, as i hear. Sounds of mush, sounds of tearing and spilling. Sounds like watermelon and minced meat, squeezed and mixed non-stop. Yet I still don't feel. Just staring.
In end I lay down, back mine resting under which the light falls.
The dog finally appears, sitting in my lap with torn and gauged eyes. Black holes, bloody eclipses in his face. From the satchel he appears, Faharic dead.
In the peak of silence, I start to see, and watch I do the remembrance of pain. Repeating in my head. They found what should've been left unfound.
2 agents.
Found secrets and ended up with regrets.

>>21551197
So in other words, a typical homo

>>21551265

>>21549808
I worry about my brother at his work. He's doing good and no one's picking on him but I worry just the same. He's been through so much pain and I don't want him to fall back into that dark place where he almost lost himself. He's best of us siblings. I should have gotten him a moose for Christmas. He use to love stuffed moose toys so much. He used to have this little moose he called moosey he would carry with him all the time. God I miss those times.

>>21551417
Life is just so fucking tragic

>>21549808
---- Solaria ----
773
(Daffodils, Calamondin Oranges, and High Fidelity Systems)

Despite my jokes about The Seeds Of Doom
I'm very serious about

The subject of ecstasy,
Long drives through April

Astonishingly warm and fragrant for the time of year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSneyq-MEdo

>>21550268
>I don't get it, but I support you in it.

I photographed poison hemlock, thriving in huge stands before I knew what it was, and took wildly growing catnip to my favorite fat cat. Pennsylvania Blackberries, lush lowland parks, Irises, lilly of the valley in a cut glass cup, fine cameras, infrastructure solid and soaring as it gets.

>>21550422
>>21550400
i left philosophy for law and couldn't be happier for these very reasons

>>21551000
nigger people are literally just trying to pay their bills lol

>>21551000
imagine reasoning this poorly. clearly you didn't go to college

https://www.instagram.com/p/CmzOr1dNLvb/
this is allowed

May have finally fallen into a position where I cannot avoid homelessness or suicide. It is a wonder this has not occurred sooner and it is entirely my fault. Even now, with an eleven day deadline to somehow get every cent I need from nothing, I'm sitting here listless and unwashed. After leaving my job from the recurring 'malady' of inaction and generalized fear of everything outside of four walls I can marginally control the contents of, two months ago, I have since attended interviews for three jobs. The two jobs that I got, I left within two days. I'm still applying to places, knowing full well that I don't want any job, that if I do get another chance I will crumble and flake.

There is a drawing my little-(half)-sister made for me, this christmas, hanging from my fridge. She is five years old, in her drawing we are playing in the yard. She has decorated it with glow in the dark stars and implored me to look at them. Seated with her in the back of the truck on the way to my apartment, after christmas dinner, so dark I could barely make out her sitting in her child's seat, she asked me, pointedly, "Why don't you visit more?" and that she loved me. I couldn't explain to her. That I am a non-starter of a human being, a shambling failure, and that my visitations always felt like intrusions. If I get evicted, I cannot possibly slither my way into their home, nearly thirty relying once more on the means and generosity of my Mother's husband.

My other option is to move in with my Father and Grandmother. They rent a home too small for the both of them already, they are on methadone and the month I spent there a year ago felt like living inside a crypt.

Even if I weather the present crisis there is the problem of the crisis being recurrent. Whenever I achieve the first little baby steps towards actualization and movement, I halt, stagnate, and ultimately end up in situations very similar to this one.

I don’t want to approach the girl I have a crush on because she has those weird tiny box-shaped finger nails

I was gonna masturbate but I got distracted by shitposting

Broke my 12 month dry spell last night. Feels good man.

Language doesn't evolve.

Almost (but not every) girl I've slept with has done the whole charade of stating out loud that they're NOT going to have sex with me but could they please just sleep in my bed? Then of course the moment they are in my bed they begin fucking you. I get how the game works now but it still does my head in. It's just annoying.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A HENAD?!

>>21551816
a God. Proclus came up with the idea of a hierarchy of henads from the One to justify his polytheism.

>>21551821
Yes but what exactly are they in context?

>>21551821
>>21551826
That is: is every henad a single god?

Why are they like this?

>>21551831
you probably know more about it than me but it looks like he says there is a plurality of gods yet they have the "character of unity:. it's probably because of their transcendence that they appear to be distinct, since the gods are distinguished from each other by what they are causes of. he says every self-complete henad is a god and every god is a self complete henad so I assume that every henad (except henads that have subsistence from something else, ones that aren't self complete) is a single god.

I want to give it up and feel free , but at the same time I don't want to feel a coward, specially when I'm almost graduating
But, the small distance of tasks before I can finish this and get that useless piece of paper, as small as it is, feels impossible, I can't take it anymore

I don't know what to do

>>21549808
Don't know if im autistic or if everyone feels this way, but I extremely hate having to put on a show and present myself professionally. All the things I know are necessary to get a good respectable job, I can't stand.
I hate all the petty pointless work space drama.
I hate having to suck up to people and network.
Or having to write faggy statements of purpose.
Idk the only thing ive ever enjoy is reading, writing, and learning stuff on my own

>>21551872
>you probably know more about it than me
I feel like I should but it beats me

>>21551890
No, it's actually bullshit. Anyone who isn't deluding themselves knows it. Only a narcissist would enjoy those things.

I can't imagine eating one of those things

a crappy day today. my neighbor had a stroke or something and was apparently dead or not breathing for several minutes and is still in emergency at the hospital, and ive been in a funk all day. having a shower i got this weird sensation of deja vu followed by a feeling of sickness and lightheartedness afterwards, and this was right before i was supposed to drive with my parents to visit my nephew for his birthday because I really wanted to see them, but ive just felt sick and exhausted and like two blocks from my house I started feeling something akin to a panic attack or something and made a bit of a scene by abruptly asking them to stop the car and let me out because im just feeling so sickly that theres no way I can visit people and socialize

what a life, man.

I think that I should to go to college to get some structure in my life and learn to better organize my thoughts and express myself in writing and verbally yet the thought of having to be around people almost every day and put myself and my work up for judgement in front of others gives me such anxiety that I keep putting it off and time continues to go by unutilized. I move so slowly through life, taking months or years to do things that I want to do, wasting away on the internet.

Procrastinating writing a speech I need to write. Gotta write about a problem i overcame but still havent figured out something Ive actually overcome

I feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm so sleepy. Someone wake me up! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo- bvghbvgcfbhnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

>>21552010
If you fall asleep I'm going to molest you

Reading Gravity’s Rainbow. 50 ages in. Don’t know what is even going on. Beautiful writing. So I want to continue.

>>21550179
I thought pic was shoppy.

>>21551975
Poor neighbor, I hope any other christfriends lurking say a prayer for him

Getting harder to wake up each morning.

hell ya friday night time to slack off!

>>21551991
These fears are both common and constant, there isn't any getting rid of them. Take your shot, go to college, learn to endure the discomfort. The alternative is a lifetime of avoidance, and it gets worse with time.

I'm cheering for you, Anon.

fuck fuck
fuck your mouth beach
fuck fuck
fucj your mouth beach
we can take a ride on fuck your ass beach
we can take a ride on fuck your mouth beach

>>21552073
I'm working tomorrow. And sunday. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>21552095
Kanye?

>>21551417
>>21551480
Sad, but not tragic

I'm starting to understand that my overbearing ambitions and conscience are what cause every problem in my life. I'm so disgusted by how mediocre and unremarkable the world is that I have almost no motivation to participate in it

I’m never going to have sex again. It’s such a stupid thing to do. When I irrationally desire it, it just causes me suffering. But when I can reasonably deny the urge, I feel free. So goodbye sex.

>>21552144
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWoKTzUkXTI

In D&D Evil is a substance

I am such a boring person and I live such a boring life

>>21552144
Get a good wife. That's what marriage has always been for, when you desire it you can expunge it without suffering, and there is no need to deny it and suffer that way either. You end up free without having to deny anything.

Language and speech are opposites.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SO FUCKING FULL OF REGRET AND RUMINATION I WASTED THE LAST SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE I'M GOING NOWHERE I'M A MISERABLE LOSER FUCK FUCK FUCK

>>21552260
im working on year 11 now. please God just do everything you can to put yourself out there and do anything, not matter how small, to move on and do something better. it only gets harder to fix things the longer you wait

If you could live anywhere in the US, where would you want to live and why?

Women are nothing but endless problems

>>21552264
I'm doing my best. Im making some progress but nothing can fill that void of wasted time

i think i'm just gonna lay in bed and listen to audiobooks.

>>21552268
New Mexico. Visited it recently on vacation and just really liked the vibe. Seems simaltaneously laid back and apocalyptic.

>>21552268
Utah. Beautiful place, lots of variety, conservative values and politics, low taxes. Fuck I love Utah

>>21552282
That's about all you can do. Try not to fixate on that void.

>>21552282
nothing will ever unmake the mistakes or make the pain of that loss go away, you just have to live with it. the important thing is that you are self aware about it and work on the problem before it gets worse. the past may be lost but the future can still be salvaged. you can still take your life into our own hands instead of drifting through it aimlessly

I spent the day having intermittent anxiety attacks over going to see a DJ that I've been watching on Twitch for two years who had a spur of the moment show in my city. I rarely go to shows and I get so nervous about going to events, let alone a nightclub. Kept refreshing the ticket page until tickets were only available at the door then convinced myself I didn't need to go because I haven't really listened to him play since I quit doing drugs three months ago.

>>21552093
Thank you.

I deleted discord 3 days ago, now there's just 4chan.
The more unnecessary stuff you strip out of life, the more clearly you can see everything
If we just used the internet for research we would probably make a ton of progress

>>21549808
No personality \.
Black pilled/
Blue pilled\
|red pilled
Pills
Doesn t measure up. Failed product in the reject pile.

>>21552420
How does one even enjoy discord? I've joined some servers and it feels like so hard to penetrate the social circle. In fact, I've had a lot easier time being social IRL than on the internet. And I'm a really introverted guy too.

Feeling deeply resentful. I went to the wrong university and it ruined my entire life. The problem is that I didnt even want to go to that university. You guys wouldnt believe the pressure I was under to go there. There was literally a train of people in and out of the house every single day telling me to go there because it had a good name brand and that I would be throwing my life away if I didnt go there. I was totally gaslighted. And now six years on my entire life is a wreck. I'm so pissed off.

>>21552651
The main server I use is a circle of semi-friends, but it's been dead lately. Discord is like 4chan, it's easy to use it mindlessly for hours because you read a fuck ton of shallow stuff while waiting for the 1 really interesting/funny thing or conversation of the night
I don't really care about productivity, screw all that. It's just unsatisfying on a primal level

Why must I participate in the experiment life? I don't want to and I'm scared of offing myself cause maybe there's more to it thant this reality. I can see no possiblity of a benevolent god

The world sucks, so I am going to go out of my way to make sure my own life sucks to prove that the world sucks. That'll show 'em.

What happened to smoking in restaurants?

>>21552954
Leftists

>>21552651
the best thing about terminally online people from 1999-2013~ was that they were weird, quirky, non-normie, funny, creative. the worst thing about them was that they were often neurotic, socially broken, perverts, dangerous, etc.

the worst thing about normies prior to smartphones and social media was that they were normies, boring as fuck, completely blind to people who are different and instinctively inclined to crush them and flay them into shape until they were normies too, since to a normie there is nothing one can be except a normie or a broken normie who needs fixing. but the best part about normies is that they were usually refreshingly stable, naive and optimistic in good ways that make society function, salt of the earth, they were the basic backdrop of things that made the high intensity weirdness of the terminally online nerd people bearable. normies were the solid base, and terminally online spergs were the spice or dressing.

what scares the fuck out of me about discord, and about all social media but especially discord, is that it takes the worst of both worlds and the best of neither. terminally online people are now neurotic, bitter, perpetually fighting and feuding, socially broken freaks and losers, but they're also just as much bland, stupid, tyrannical normies. normies are now freaks, freaks are now normies. there's no balance, there's no charmingly quirky nerds who do impressive things and charmingly straightforward normies who surprise you by being good stalwart people. everyone is a neurotic loser but also a boring bland dullard, everybody is a dumb normie meathead tough guy but also combines the terminally online propensity for doing shit like dredging up chatlogs or getting into "fights" that require messages like "wigger007 saw the chatlogs so idk wtf hes talking bout bcos i didnt say shit and stef can back me up on this bcos she was there the whole day and was in the group chat with leslie and leslie knows i never said anything about wigger bcos that day we were wall watching the stream and everybody was there so how could i have even said anything about wigger i will show you the screenshots idk wtf hes talking about hes always starting shit ever since that time bunni used to come into the chat"

every discord ive ever been in has been like this, the worst of both worlds normie-sperg nadir. well im mostly referring to the 10% of discords that arent just egirl orbiting platforms

>>21550534
you really aren't shitting on Christianity while posting Corneliu Codreanu, are you?

>>21552996
"Uh, sir, this is an Arby's"
"Having a normal one, I see"
"Touch grass"

Normalcy is a hot property online. People try to align the popular conception of their group-beliefs with it as a means of legitimization, or to delegitimize their opponents. Examples given above are mostly associated with the 'left', the 'right' seems more focused on visual X vs Y comparisons than sloganeering, but it remains a strategy for claiming the same ground nonetheless.

Maybe all normalcy is is the most repeated thing by the most amount of people, but in such polarized media environments claims to it become bizarre and schizophrenic when taking into account the kinds of people making them.

black

black steel

black steel bike

blacks steal bikes

>>21552958
Dang, it always has something to do with politics.

I want nothing more than to create a great work of art. I don’t really have a reason for it. It’s just a deep desire for expression that I feel in my soul. I love to read Wikipedia articles about great artists and their works and then seeing the influence they have on intellectual history, it fills me with immense excitement and respect.

the cocaine era continues...
https://youtu.be/fkbyjpflBnI

>>21550400
What did you study in order to land a job like that? That’s the fucking life right there, make tons of money teaching at a private school. You get to talk about something you love, you’re an authority figure, you have lots of free time and work less than most others.

My family belongs to a literal cult founded by an occultist who sacrificed sheep and dogs in bizarre rituals and who used his influence to bring young women and girls into a harem which he kept secret from his wife. The cult secretly practices ripoffs of Masonic rituals which include symbolic promises to commit suicide if one ever reveals the cult's secrets. It has access to a $100 billion dollar slush fund and members are well-placed in the business, law, and federal intelligence agency sectors.

>>21553283
Wow that's interesting. Do you remember Mr. M? I'm afraid we're going to be visiting you. Please don't make this harder than it has to be.

>>21549808
Why do you let your white dick hang
When you ain't hood nor in a gang
Imma beat chyo bitch ass like it ain't no thang
Show you how to gang bang

>>21553203
How are you holding up, Anon? Are you okay?

>>21551816
A henoid in the category of hendofunctors

>>21550969
?

Might as well post it in this thread as well - a short story about a guy getting turned into a knife. Any criticism is welcome

I dicked her down out of spite
But I didn't get caught, 'twas out of sight
If might makes right then why was she so tight
Tight and high as a kite, so light, bedight,
Bottomed out so shite, maybe 'twas her short height
Now I'm sipping on some sizzurp and some sprite
Then I burp out my herpes from some derpy harpies
Sniffing some glue and some sharpies
Then I fuck your car up with some car keys

Im about to go DEFCON 0 on jewish people

>>21553655
Zilch filches the milch
Suck on my cock milk
Make ya skin soft like silk
You a milf that's for sure
Going crazy Freddy de Boer
What Ye been on, some smoke?
Nazis were based aint no joke,
Expose the kikes and their ruse
Yeah dont go fucking with Tom Cruise
Imma bruise ya like Jet Lee
Ya get me
Fucking skets at the club
rub me down with some grub

No janny did anything productive in the history of the world. No janny exists with any redeeming qualities.

>>21553283
I wouldnt worry about it

>>21553203
I did a shitload of cocaine last year from may until november. I mostly blame Proust, he was so outrageously, excruciatingly boring that I could only read him if I had a cheeky line every 90 minutes or so.
Then my good plug ran out of the good shit, started stocking the same 40% cocaine 40% caffeine 20% mannitol bullshit the Somali street gangs sell, and lo and behold, my love affair with cocaine ended immediately, and I have not touched Proust since.

It's such a shit drug in terms of price/pleasure ratio, only makes sense if you are wealthy or getting it for South American prices.

It feels as though a divine power is encouraging me to complete my destiny, so strange are the coincidences of my health. Everything enjoyable to me is vanishing and, yes, all that keeps me going is "that", my destiny, my raison d'etre. Every pleasure serves to scourge me; whether it is in its transience, as gentle silence fades before the hostile ring of a rapidly growing tinnitus, or in its meaninglessness. Even consciousness itself is unfortunate, for every moment of peace is quickly interrupted by rapidly worsening obsession over "that", the injustices in this world. Death has lost it's luster too, I feel as though I cannot die as long as I have not tried at least to enact that, my raison d'etre, my destiny.
I want to give up. I can't. I want to give up. I know it's not possible. I want to fall to my knees and beg for help, but in doing so I take from the little good in this world and shirk the very thing that I-- and so many like myself-- was born for. The raison d'etre of a dead man.

I've started doing this thing recently where I write a post but then instead of actually posting it I take it and put it in my makeshift diary only for myself instead.
I think this might be healthy.

was tolstoy trans? how could he write women so well?
he wrote that bitch anna in such an accurate manner that i couldn't finish the book
love from kazakhstan

>>21553704
Men can easily understand and write women, a woman could never understand or write a man.

>>21553709
but how do men who are not into cuckholdary even read that novel?
cheating makes me feel very uncomfortable

>>21553717
Because it can help to understand how the world works, to impart feelings, and alleviate boredom.

>>21553738
>impart feelings
yeah the feelings that make my stomach knot and want smash someone's face

How the hell is evil not a substance? To say it's a privation is to imply that the natural uninterrupted world is evil

>>21553203
weed isn't a gateway drug they said

>>21553847
The only reason people say this is so they can think God is simply good and as a poor solution to the PoE. There's no reason for an omnipotent being to not be evil as well as good.

I am currently experiencing intense episodes of derealization and depersonalization and I have no idea how to make them stop.

>>21553962
Neither would anons

>>21553016
/pol/troons have no self awareness

>>21549808
what are some books for gay retards with small dicks?

I had a dream that a god has been helping me. then i started dreaming about the universe and I thought my current perception of the universe is nihilistic and maybe it is going somewhere.

any ESL here reading books in english?
people here say to start with greeks, but stuff like iron age was released in my country 80 years ago with no new print
i could probably get by with standard english but i fear old stuff as it's are quite different from modern language

also when i checked mythology book published during communism in my country they compared prometheus giving fire to manking to karl marx giving us comminusm, so i don't have that much faith in old translations

>>21553679
The flowery prose aside, I feel the same as you. Slowly, everything that I enjoyed is being taken away from me and there is nothing I can do to retrieve them back. I exist solely because God wants me to keep going somewhat, perhaps to accomplish some kind of destiny I don't know of yet. I am lucid about it all; perhaps I'm just coping with my slow devolution. Perhaps I am not, and I am really meant to create something in the material world.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x08L1KfeGsM
thomas mann didn't take his hat off at the breakfast table? my grandmother would have kicked his ass

>>21554182
Don't worry my brother. No matter what happens, everything will go according to the divine will. If you have played your part admirably, you will end up in heaven, or if you did not, hell. Either way, all will be well in the end. I would wish that if I were evil, that God would send me to hell. God makes no mistakes, and if I am evil, I will not protest my fate.

>>21550534
>t. Doesnt understanf the difference between necessary and sufficient conditions

>>21553203
Why wont you answer me about Ginger Snaps 2

intel or amd bros?

>>21554432
incel

>>21549808
I am fine. I am absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with me. I don't miss her at all, no. Yes, it's been two years. It was time for a change, haha...

Boutta do an 8 hour wagie shift with a sore throat and killer headache. Think I'll load up on dayquil and pseudoephedrine

I have a ton of things to do, but I feel dead inside

>>21554499
Maybe if you did them you'd feel less dead

>develop crush on girl in college literature club
>haven't seen or spoken to her in years but I still think about her as that is the last time I received the slightest bit of attention from a woman that wasn't related to me
>never considered asking her out as you'd have to put a gun to my head after years of horrible experiences with chicks and serial abuse at home, also can't risk ruining our meager friendship
>look her up on social media, turns out she is a published author
>want to read it but also fear it will make me even sadder than usual
Hate myself tbqh

>>21554133
Me. Read what you really like and won't get bored reading it.

>>21554520
I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy reading her books. There is nothing more intimate than reading someone's sincere writings in this world.
Writing this, I just came back from a reading session of public FutureMe letters. Some people really have it hard out there. I wish they had everything they wanted to have.

The model wasn't happy about how she was portrayed in this Burger King ad.

Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower's water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda's rich chest.
As Hilda's buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
"Hilda," Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda's warm thighs. "There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire."
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
"Torolf," Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. "I need you."
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
"Oh, sorry," she added. "Torolf, I need you – sexually."
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf's undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson's. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. "Torolf," she said softly, "there's something I have to tell you..."
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c36jCk-Cmvs

Maybe it's nostalgia but people back in 2017 were more carefree and jovial when I look at the archive. Has anyone sensed less fun here of late?

the dialectic that takes place between my subjectivity and everything that isn't my subjectivity gets me down sometimes
but sometimes it gets me up

Peanut butter
>Jelly
Peanut butter
>Jelly
Peanut Butter Jelly
Peanut Butter Jelly
Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat

each day my life is a worse gordian knot and each step I took to fix it only ruined it further

I am a mischling. I am a mutt. My life is a contradiction. I'm suffer from my lack of identity. I'm neither one nor the other. I am not like my father; I am not like my mother- neither in body nor in spirit. I am disgusted by race-mixing because I have lived and suffered its detrimental effects on the mixed race child and its development.

>>21555029
Are you a fellow mischling that feels terrible for the pain and suffering being inflicted on white people, and simultaneously feels a sort of responsibility to help them because you benefit from anti-white racism?
God it feels so bad to be cucked by morality. Whitefags, I want to help you so bad.

i'm browsing around obscure 60s hippy bands on apple music, and it's really starting to piss me off how stereo was new back then so every album has this really gimmicky mix with random instruments and noises getting blasted in one ear or the other. i guess everyone lived in the suburbs with a big stereo so no one cared if it sounded annoying as shit in headphones.

>>21555063
White people are so beautiful, so kind, and so undeserving of the discrimination imposed upon them. It isn't like so many other races (like mine) in which an excuse can be made where discrimination would reduce crime. White people are willingly destroying themselves out of naive kindness and empathy for other races, like mine, and if that's not a sign of a people that truly deserve to live on then nothing is.

Im not really enjoying life

>>21549808
This is literally me, how do I get out of it

A very attractive girl delivered food to me today. She gave me a nice smile. It's so painful.

I need to improve my fucking prose. I have an inkling it desperately needs more structure to ground it. Fucking stream-of-consciousness always lets the thread elude me and I fall, predictably, into meandering word salad.

>This rut has extended for far too long. I like to think, I have become a master at processing unrequited passions. At digesting disappointment. At savoring the sharp sulfuric taste of failure. At letting the sharp jagged bits of reality pierce my gums and tear them into painful acidic shreds. I flick the strips of flesh upwards with my ruined tongue. Push them to a grotesquely playful sway the way you do with a swing, or a pendulum. But they droop unbudging, in permanent stasis. The way my life subsists in its stagnation. I liked to believe I had come to accept this rut. Had come to enjoy it almost. I delight in my own misfortune and the stiffly feigned humility. But it has only just come to my attention how false and perfidious I had been behaving. My ego commands all my senses with supreme, unchallenged tyranny. And with this oppressive sway, all other senses quiver and flinch away into damp obscurity. But the ego, powerful, boisterous, deafening in its clamor, disposes of no true material wield over this flesh automaton that is my body. Willpower banished. No one to pilot these pounds of meat. Trust, hope, intuition all quiver in fear from the ego. And are thus silent and unmoving. The ego reigns over a barren land. And on the horizon the expanse of the mountain steepens. And dread rears its ugly head. And fears becomes ever more pungent. Like a myopic steering headlong into concrete, who cannot conceive of the barrier or consider the brutality of impact till it is mere inches away.

she wants me
please god let me have what I want for once

>>21555460
r u trying?

>>21555511
get over yourself

>>21555511
Why are you posting this on literature board

>>21555643
coz its on his damn mind nigga

>>21555643
This is /lit/'s designated shitting thread for all blogposting, /pol/ posting, and off topic discussions.

>tfw I post a post on 4chan that would get me cancelled, fired, excommunicated, beaten and raped IRL if it was traced to my identity

>>21555715
You evil rat. You pathological psychopath. You anonymous troll.

it's hard to believe that this is all real

>>21555724
Thank you for the complements. I'm proud of my work.
Keep whispering sweet nothings into my ear

>>21555635
That's paradoxical.

the westerner's pathological relation to food (bad diet) produces his ideological mania. if only he would go on a diet he would see profound changes in his life.

>>21555087
>White people are so beautiful, so kind, and so undeserving of the discrimination imposed upon them.
I agree they dhouldn't be discriminated against but that's because they are humans and all humans desevre at least one chance. Also, white people are just as average looking as any other race and full of assholes. Like anything else in those realms of human existence, it's on a case by case basis. Maybe get an identity outside your race and do something with your life. This is not the posting style of a person that has done something meaningful to make the world a better place. Maybe you will feel better about yourself and blaming your mixed race status for being a loser that hasn't done shit with his life.

>>21555715
Find another board to sully you evil coward

I'm starting to concerned about my mood swings. I go from extremely self loathing and dejected to really happy and excited within a matter of hours.

Cosmic justice is real. My dad was always insecure about his thin and receding hair. My brother was extremely spiteful towards hom for it. He never missed an opportunity to use it against my dad.
>You're an old bald man!
He really was an ass hole. A giant ass hole. Anyway, he started losing his hair at 18. Had an old mans hair patten by 21. He was bald by 23.

>>21555880
My race has nothing to do with my life or achievements, you just need meds unironically.

I posted yesterday about how my neighbor is in the hospital and had a stroke and died for a few minutes. i haven't heard any news as to whether he will live and what the consequences will be, and on top of my concern for his well being, im starting to think about his poor dogs as i can hear them bark once and a while. theyre cute little guys. i remember having beers with my neighbor after he moved in and he told me they were the only things keeping him going. it was just him and them. my other neighbor seems to be "looking after them" to the extent that she goes over and makes sure they have food and water, but they are still there all alone. they have a doggy door so they can go out into the yard at least, but theyre alone 99% of the time, their owner is gone, they have to be wondering what the hell is going on. I wonder what will happen to them if they die. will his ex wife take them? maybe my other neighbor will? wo knows

oh my, fiery but mostly peaceful protest poppin off in atlanta rn lol

>>21556328
If someone is based enough to ram a truck through it all I'll drink a bottle of whole bottle of vodka and suck his dick if he can make it over here before getting arrested

>>21556328
> The shooting unfolded Wednesday morning, during what authorities said was a clearing operation to remove people from the site of the future facility. Opponents of the center have camped out in the area for months in an attempt to halt construction.
>The Georgia Bureau of Investigation said law enforcement officers spotted an individual in a tent in the woods and gave verbal commands, but the individual allegedly did not comply and shot a Georgia State Patrol Trooper, according to a news release.
>Officers returned fire and fatally wounded the individual, who died at the scene. A handgun recovered from the individual’s possession matched the projectile from the trooper’s wound, the GBI said.
So he tried to shoot someone, and they returned fire, killing him. This incited riots?
Lol. Just lol

I'm at in and out and seeing all these teenagers dressed up for some high school dance. God damn no wonder why none of them are virgins. They dress up to be raped by niggers.

Also, I just realized this but "woke riots" heralding the new leftism mirrors the birth of Christianity and its martyrs to an incredible degree. Holy shit

>>21549808
The more I think about my situation, the more depressed I get. That "Stop navel gazing, forget about (You) and just let your subconscious do its job. Free yourself from yourself" mindset is becoming more appealing by the day because clearly being a self-observing faggot has not helped yet and this might be the only way forward.

How fucked up is it that anonymous internet users who write inane shit all day on a literature board have more impact on my life that everyone else combined in my social circle? I should forget about myself now. Focus on others. Free yourself from yourself. It's not like adopting a new mindset and putting aside my depressive one will have any negative effects on my life, but I hate it when anon is right.

>>21556380

>>21549808
Books for this feel?

>>21556453
What did you do

>>21549808
>be me
>dream about my gf cucking me
>Wake up
I don't have a gf, why do I keep having such dreams

>>21552268
Rural Washington State. I live in California though and I don't want to be part of the wave ruining the other states. Maybe in my old age I'll do it

>>21556397
What a fucking stupid chart

>>21556455
Your insecurities are being communicated to you so that you might do something about them.

>>21556513
Made a teenager, I would wager.

I'm so fucked up

>>21556538
what else can it make?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Zh9cAGo-zs

I’m brown and dating this Jewish girl who believes in the Great Reset, NWO, likes Tucker, like trad talking points, etc. — she’s basically a dissident right twitterbrain type girl, not super smart but into new right stuff like Paglia, Mike Ma, being racist? etc.

Really weird how we’re dating and she holds these beliefs. I’m maybe a centrist so it’s odd seeing these young zoomer chicks like this.

>>21556633
Primal drives are the only real things. Everything else, especially politics and a sense of morality, is a psychological illusion, sometimes even a form of cope to deal with guilt around desire.

>>21549808
I wish I had been given a fair shot at life - no Autism, other disorders, diabetes - no broken home or getting hit- no alcoholic parents. People who actually want to be my friend cause I’m not a weird nerd raised by a geriatric corpse.

I bet in that lifetime I could have even been the Prom king or something. That sounds so lame to hear myself say like it is important but hey, that could have been in that scenario.

>>21556633
Because she doesn't actually believe those things they are just signifiers to her. Many such cases.

The concept of opposites being the only thing that gives the other meaning is common only hate gives value to love, life is only worth anything because of death and so on but I don’t subscribe to this idea. It’s a comforting thought which is why I think it so unquestionably accepted, these things we hate are the only things that actually make the things we love have value, this seems to me to be complete and utter cope. People are rationalising the things they dislike by linking them to things they enjoy to try and act as if these things are actually awesome.
Just sounds like cope to me

>>21556636
>>21556653
Yeah I know. I mean part of her does, and she does actually have genuine interest and talks about Paglia a lot specifically. She’s sort of smart, not in my way but in a different way that I’m too lazy to elaborate on. Her conservative jewish upbringing means she does genuinely hold some tradish beliefs even if they’re all filtered through ‘womanness’ — trust me I’m no stranger to their nature lol.

I’m literally Muslim too. Very interesting and weird dynamic. The only reason she did not become a wignat is prob cus she is Jewish. I don’t think she could really take the plunge, although there’s plenty of non-white and jewish people who are so adjacent to wignat ideology that they’re basically self hating weirdos. She’s a good person underneath it all though. I think. Like one of you said, it really is all primal. My aloofness and coldness probably reminds me of her dad, and she def grew up with Israeli (brown) Jews around her so was socialized in an environment where she prob found brown guys attractive.

I fully and truly believe that one douchebag on Black Sails represents all of Judaism in this world and in all worlds to come

>>21556644
i feel you. if i had had better parents or school experience i'm sure i could have gone to a selective college and had a good career. not somewhere super elite like stanford, but somewhere kinda selective like idk rice or purdue or something, know what i mean? now that i'm older i see how easy it could have been, but i had no fucking guidance at all and ended up at some lame state school and it's been nothing but underachievement ever since.

>>21549808
I feel like someone is watching me. I probably have undiagnosed schizophrenia but I don't see the point in getting diagnosed because this feeling of being watched is pushing me in a singular direction and unifying my entire life underneath this insatiable will. I think it's basically the feeling of eternal recurrence Nietzsche spoke of. I no longer know what to even think of myself. I feel like a guinea pig for myself. Everything I consume is some message that is correcting me on my journey. None of it was made with me in mind, but my mind is appropriating it to get to some destination with my consciousness stuck along for the ride.

>>21556681
define underachievement. age and occupation?

>>21556687
low skill low stakes office job that pays below national median and it's a high cost of living area. i'm comfortable, but i mean man, i should be doing something better than this.

>>21556694
Dude so crazy, literally in the same boat. Bad family, bad shit going on — got shit together in community college late, now age 25 working in a low stakes marketing job that pays below the median of my job title/in a high COL area too. 60k a year.

the crazy thing is, all my coworkers had more money than me growing up with nice families too, so i feel so weird being here. A lot of them went to better schools too. Dunno. I should be doing something though too dude, I feel your pain. I feel even worse now than I was when I was a druggie fuckup. I dont know why

>>21556706
The irony is from where I am I would consider both your jobs successful.

>>21556713
it's not bad for a what a mega fuckup i was in my youth, but when i walk through the areas of my city with the million dollar condos and things, i know those guys aren't doing anything i couldn't have done. i'm not that upset about it, but why not post therapeutically on a saturday night.

>>21556713
I'm >>21556706

I'm not trying to make you feel any better, but truthfully -- I hate my life and I feel worse than I did as a failure.

>>21556786
for me i wouldn't say i hate my life, but i know with my background there's a limit to how far i can go. in these kind of low skill organizations a lot of advancement depends on being essentially an attention whore that constantly promotes yourself to the people above you. it's like we're in some weird office instagram where if you get enough likes from the guys at the top you get a promotion even if the stuff they liked was fake and useless. you have to always be ready to throw on a fancy suit and steal the spotlight to blab on about yourself. i know i know, so go buy a nice suit and start talking about how great you are to anyone who will listen, well ok, but i would also like to be my authentic self ok? "just be a totally different person bro!" i'd prefer not to.

>>21556380
2020 was three years ago, it is time to move on

>>21556563
Arent we all

Goodbye bros

>>21556947
You're coming back, right anon?

>>21556160
>Says the mixed race faggot that worships the group white people walk on
The pot calling the kettle black. Take your own advice and seek some sort of help for that.

big dicks will rule the world

She finally came and picked up her shit. Thank god its out of my house now. Thank god that's over.

>>21551880
You know what to do. Finish the tasks. Become self-aware, anon, and more will follow.

30 years and I have nothing to show.

>>21556513
>>21556538
Can you say what's so dumb about it?
Besides a couple meme things on the right it seems accurate, at least acc. to Nietzsche

>>21557106
>tfw her shit's been here for 6 years

My soulmate is gone and never coming back. My life is over and I've never been happier.

>>21556681
>>21556706
Its shit, but at this point the worst thing you can do is feel regret over your of somebody elses actions that put you in bad situation.
Just get on with life and work towards the future, you have the knowledge now, you have learned lessons, no one can misguide you anymore

How do I find a weaboo girlfriend

>>21557236
Go to your local college's anime club or to any anime convention/club in your area

>>21557239
Why does everyone on this fucking board think people are in college or highschool? I'm fucking 40.

>>21557241
This
I have finished university (college for americans?) years ago. If I went to some highschool anime convention people would think I am one of the kids dad, (thats fine though I don't mind being a daddy of some underage thot) but likely they would throw me out or even deny entry.

>>21557236
All Zoomer girls are weebs. Weebs are normies now.

>among us spam in the catty
The absolute state of this board

>>21557130
Not either of them but a quick glance has a lot of fucked up shit for Greece. Hubris is a form of pride, and charity was pretty much forced in Athens,.which is why they had so many patrons who were not heroes. Can't remember anything else without scrolling up to look at it again but it seems like they don't know anything about the Greeks which makes it kind of hard to understand Christianity or Nietzsche.
It reminds me of a story about the engineers at Theranos trolling Balwani by using random jargon and seeing how fast he started misusing it.

31 years old and never had a gf
feels pretty good man

>>21549808
What philosopher/writer/book embraces the idea of less is more. Quality over quantity.

>>21557106
I'm glad it's over.

>>21557442
Jesus, the Apostles(especially Paul), Socrates, Plato, etc

i need to learn a skill someone will pay me to perform, so i dont have to live in poverty.

>>21557434
hey, that's me too.

would like to try sex at least once to see what all the fuzz is about though.

Imagine how SHIT stories would be in the future where there are no rich men and no poor men, only some hellish communism where all fortune is the same and there is no need to do anything since every need and want is accounted for, as though some mundane Shangri-La!

>>21551000
>you cannot possibly brand yourself as some sort of dissident against capitalism
who fucking cares

My japanese coworker has never heard of Mishima

Lincoln rode on a horseback from New Salem to a log cabin in Salt Ridge farm to see his ill beloved, Ann Rutledge. After two days she passed away.

Lincoln sat hours without saying a word and answering to no-one. People avoided him knowing that he was alone wether he was surrounded by people or not. A week after the burial he was seen in a forest by the beach of Sangamo river, walking alone muttering something incomprehensible.

>>21557619
Your japanese co worker is based, mishima was closeted homosexual, the less people know about him the better

>>21550400
Samefagging. I tried tour de force, always landed my own funding. The problem is after a year or so some of my colleagues got madass jelly about my boibutt and skills. I had to participate in ajoint project together and they did me in. I couldn't see for myself because overwhelmed by works. At the time it was knives out with some of them. The project ends and at the last day director calls me in, son we are not looking forward with doing business with you is it CLEAR?
I never ansvered , just jumped in my car and took to my rural cottage. I literally spent time digging holes in the ground and logging firewood for months. I never opened my mail nor touched my papers, a thought of doing so would throw me off on the floor, banging my head and sobbing.

>>21557632
one thing i think people don't understand is how much academia depends on social skills, networking and self-promotion. since there are virtually no market forces to find value, it all comes down to how well you can glad hand and self-promote. you think you just have to be smart and publish something important, but most professors won't publish anything important and quite frankly aren't that smart outside of a narrow autism. so then what it is it that determines success?

>>21557741
I agree. I worked at a CNRS lab in France for a time. Academia is all about boot-licking, greasing the right hands and selling yourself. It's not about being at the center of great discoveries, nor being an extremely smart MOFO. It's a marathon. The longer you stay in, the more often your name appears in papers with medium impact factors, the more success people will attribute to your work. Even if you did nothing but get a study funded. I was lucky I understood all of this very quickly and got out of Academia before I could be turned into a fucking puppet for people who never worked a real job in their lives but think they're fucking great because they have a wikipedia page. Their career is built on PhD students blood.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htmwzV11Wb8
ive been listening to this on repeat all last night and this morning, better stop before it becomes one of my most played songs of 2023 on apple music replay.

>>21557298
>catty
the absolute state of you

oh wow there was a new mass shooting lol i didnt even check the news this morning. it says they didn't catch the guy so it might have just been a standard criminal shootout? the newspapers don't include a description of the shooter so i'm guessing he wasn't white.

>>21557236
nigga sounds like you want a bf

>>21557239
imagine the smell

>>21557241
Maybe your problem is being a single 40 year old weeb

>>21558147
>imagine the smell
Anime is for normalfags

>>21549808
Next one
>>21558298
>>21558298

>>21554432
Amd. Intel has built in backdoors