/lit/ - Literature

I am playing with my boyfriend's penis while he sleeps.

morning

Anyone know what show this is from?

Been out of a job since december. I regained a lot of passion I had lost these past years, but I am quite afraid how much time it will take me to get another. I don't want to lose the spark, but being a pennyless Hemingway without any of his redeeming qualities isn't right either.

>>21850734
literally me but without spark

Has a kino ever changed your life anon?

>>21850761
seventh seal hit me pretty hard

>>21850747
You have to get physical, you have to work on your passions, and you have to sleep well. The points are always the same, even if the topography differs.

>>21850777
how to even find a passion? is it something natural to you?

Tired of life. Tired of being alone. Tired of being too ugly to not be alone. Tired of working. No longer working because I have nothing to gain from it that can't be gained from social welfare. What am I grateful for? Not being butchered or tortured like a hog.

Been watching footage of nuclear weapons tests and I can't stop thinking about how beautiful they look. Why is there this link between lethal stuff and beauty? The prettiest color frogs are deadly poisonous, beautiful women tend to be honeypots, radium looks really pretty but the radiation will kill you.

>>21850761
Yeah I used watch midnight movies on TV by myself as escapism and it was almost as good as not having shitty parents

>>21850826
>be an apex predator eating its way through a glut of dead bodies and environments
>Hey why do I think apex predators a cute?
it's a sublime mystery anon

Nothing feels a man more with sheer panic than the belief his hairline is receding

>>21850734
How about starting a business?

>>21850946
>starting a business
capitalist cope

>>21850957
>unironic communist
kek are you actually retarded, you'd rather be a wagecuck than based richfag?

Real free market capitalism is unfathomably based, too bad we don't have it though.

>>21850976
Same as the communists, we've never tried the "real version." Avoid all ideologues.

I don't know how to write this out without sounding like a nutcase.
I've been experiencing derealization and depersonalization for several years - I'm watching someone else live my life, my body moves on autopilot, I have flattened emotional reactions, or my emotions are very separated from what I consider "me," my pain tolerance has skyrocketed, I feel like I'm a character in someone else's dream, et cetera. Recently I've started having these episodes where I'll think about the ephemerality and paper-thinness of reality, or about the chain connecting external world-sense perceptions-emotions/urges/drives-thoughts-unifying perception of individuality-consciousness-existence as an instantiated being-nameless existence-the source of existence/God/the dreamer of reality, and I'll start getting short of breath, my thoughts will become sluggish, I'll feel pressure in my chest and head, and my interpretation of the world will start to degrade until it feels like what I'm seeing through my eyes makes about as much sense as one of those AI generated nonsense images that has the rough outline of real shapes and objects but falls apart on closer inspection. The external world will feel especially thin and unreal during these times, and I feel that I could tear it apart with my hands if I wanted, but also that if I tried doing so I would have a seizure. Eventually I'll calm down when I stop thinking about it but the more I do think about it the more often it happens.
I'm kind of concerned but at the same time I'm curious to find out what will happen if I go 'all the way' one of these times and force things.

>>21851038
It's not real, don't pursue it.
Try adjusting your diet. Cut out gluten, try 0 carn, consider carnivore.

Just been thinking about how legit suicidal I am. I'm tired of those imageboards "im gonna kill myself posts" isn't there any good literature out there on the experience of being suicidal?

>>21850791
Passion is an outgrowth of interests you enjoy pursuing. Things you like doing, creating or participating in. For example, I enjoy and repeatedly return to painting. To pursue this passion, I need to create finished pieces no matter how good they are and should actively try to get better at it and show off my work, no matter the perceived quality. Passion is a matter of doing.

I'm just old enough to remember communism. The Soviet fishermen that sometimes docked in my town, actively working hard were poorer than any bum in my country. They didn't believe dishwashing machines existed.

>>21850717
https://www.youtube.com/@WorldofWolfram/videos

Google's utterly defiled SEO made it hard work but I found the source.

>sit at the park on a bench
>dude comes with a dog off leash
>dog growls and barks at me
>dude gets closer, dog still off leash
>dog barks and growls as he gets close
>quietly take pepper spray from my pocket
>I look at him like "dude"
>"Haha you don't have to be scared"
>"I'm not scared, I'll mace it if it gets close."
>Boomer makes an outraged expression like HOW DARE YOU
>"Y-you don't have to worry"
>"That's what the owners say until the dog bites. Sorry I'm taking precautions"
>Dude puts the leash back on the dog extremely pissed and leaves
why are dog owners like this lol, just put a leash on it. your dog barks and growls at me, if it gets close to me I'll spray it this is pretty simple. I don't understand how they expect me to just not react to their aggressive dog attempting to bite me
holy shit dog owners man
another time in the city I was at the park eating a sandwich and this dude came with a pitbull and this dog fucking pointed at me and started pulling real hard. owner was having a bit of trouble controlling the dog and I did the same shit, like, "man don't let it get close" and this guy was super pissed/upset
why are they like this

like am I being unreasonable am I supposed to make puppy eyes at them and say "please mr dog owner I am vewy scawed could you please put the leash on your big bad doggo I am terrified" and they go "awww all right I'll do it you big sissy ;)" like am I supposed to be submissive to the dog instead of telling them I'll act with force if the dog gets close to me
I make this disclaimer at a distance of like 5 meters, so it's not like I see the dog in the distance and yell at them.

>>21851104
>pitbull
literally freakish hellhounds everywhere
in an age where humans are so degraded they treat animals like children

>>21851124
don't get me started on pits there are FOUR HUNDRED dog breeds in the fucking world and people somehow chose the single worst one of them. like why don't you get a fucking newfoundland or a labrador they're fantastic dogs, no you gotta get the niggerchimp dog breed and then I'm not supposed to use whatever weapon is legal in my country if your crazy dog wants to eat my sandwich and then me
I love dogs but dog owners are fucking garbage people Jesus Christ

I have been purposefully fucking up my YouTube algorithm by watching a shit ton of those "women get owned by logic" commentary channels.
It is fascinating how many there are and how low effort it all is. It's really just a reaction channels for culture war otaku and I shouldn't be shocked by it after all this time online. But I still sort of am, idk.
All you have to do rip a bunch of tiktoks of women complaining and insert a voiceover saying something like "This is what happens when women believe modern feminism instead of getting married" over a bit of video game footage or whatever and you have your guaranteed 200k views and monetization.

Interestingly, while it does exist, the you don't really get much of this from the otherside. They prefer longform content, video essays and shit, or simply clip from popular streamers like Hasan and Destiny.

>>21851104
Fuck the dog owner. I go running on hiking trails and some dog owners take leashes off their dogs there. Its always a 50/50 how a dog will react, especially if you're sweaty and moving fast. Most dog owners take their dog by hand when they see me, some don't and their dog gets way too close to me. I've never been bitten in these situations, but we don't have shitbulls here, so maybe I'm just lucky. I've heard the trite "he's not going to do anything" far too many times. People with pets have their heads too far up their own asses. Dogs are meant to hunt and kill. Just because he's friendly most of the time, doesn't mean he will be with a complete stranger that smells funny to him.

>>21851145
I've been actually bitten on the legs multiple times by off leash dogs. Your dog should stay on the leash and if it's a large dog you cannot contol properly you should muzzle it. I don't understand why they lack basic common sense.
Either way it's hilarious that they get so pissed. I'm always very calm during this situation, I just say, dude, if your aggressive dog attacks me I'll spray it and they always make this how dare you face

Man I hate working. 8 hours of this shit every single day, I'm amazed that I haven't gone mad by now.
Maybe I'm too immature but I wish I could go back to high-school days were I chilled with friends. Although I guess that back then I also was in an 8 hour "job" (school).

AI reflects the mediocrity of the human spirit

>>21851151
Your body is not their property so it's your loss if you get hurt. Their dog is. Common sense has never had anything to do with it imo. Seeing how some dog breeds can leave people mangled and scarred for life, a dog attack due to lackadaisy owner should be considered on the same level as harming with a deadly weapon.

I think people who don't like dogs have some form of autism because they struggle to recognize behavior cues

>>21851142
>you don't really get much of this from the otherside.
Nah, both sides are the same. You can send your algorithm down that rabbit hole too but if you don't want to work against your current path it's probably easiest to switch to different unlinked device/account.

>>21851194
found the off leash dog daddy lol

>>21851194
It's more often a learned fear. Plenty of people are afraid of dogs because a cat attacked them before they knew the difference between furry things, or because a dog was once loud at them when their hearing was sensitive (like how a lot of kids are afraid of balloons because one once burst near them)

I watched like 50 videos of people reacting to the British crusade against slavery.
Churchill and those types never made any sense to me, after watching that video I finally get where he was coming from. Churchill fought in the crusade in Africa. He saw Britain very differently from how I see it.

>>21851221
>dog displays aggression
>you totally can't read body language lol
how about the part where the dog bit me afterward, is it aggression only once it's chewing directly on my tibia?

>>21851086
>outgrowth of interests you enjoy pursuing
>outgrowth of interests
>interests
oh, I see my problem.

>>21851245
Did you link the wrong post? If not, yes, being bitten by a dog could instill a fear response as could many other things I did not list.

>>21851248
The problem is overstimulation. After a week in a dark cave the tiniest glimmer of light would be incredibly interesting.

>>21851248
I lean towards the other anons direction. Maybe your problem is overstimulation and muddyness of life and not a lack of interests?

https://voca.ro/13CZzUDQeY5p

>>21851258
you phrased your post in such a way that seeing an aggressive dog and assuming it will act aggressively is somehow irrational

>>21851267
>>21851281
Do you mean overstimulation is general or just general internet usage?
>muddyness of life
as in routine?

>>21851302
I think you're judging other people with fears of dogs in a way I did not characterize them.

I didnt cheat on you because I couldnt its because I love you. There are plenty of people who still care about that kind of thing left fortunately. I just wanted to sleep I tried to hang myself that night

>>21851311
Overstimulated brain. "Stressed" like we talk about a CPU being stressed, too much pointless load. Even in the cave with no new external stimuli you have a million thoughts to resolve impressed on you by a million minds.

There's actually no purpose or use for men in the current modern west. Every traditional male role has been taken over by the state. A good 90% of men could be culled and much wouldn't change, at this point the only reason i think men are kept is in the event of war you need someone to be sent to soak up bullets. I do not know how states in the west are going to deal with this outside of forced eugenics.

>>21851374
>A good 90% of men could be culled and much wouldn't change
Yeah, it would. They still need men for the dirty, technical jobs women don't want to do, or can't do. There are still a huge amount of roles in warehouses which women are just incapable of doing and refuse to fill for more than a few days, which I've seen countless times first hand. If all men were to suddenly give up, the entire logistics chain of most first world countries would collapse, there would be no food in the supermarkets, etc.

>>21851372
I'm an overthinker to the max, to the point that I talk to myself outloud.

Well we took an exam today so I didnt get a chance to talk to that girl again. Starting to run out of opportunities. She's got a very pretty face. I am upset by these ongoing failures in striking conversation

>>21851374
The need for a biological substrate for a State will weaken with AI.

The question is what will human society look like once we become second-rung on the intelligence ladder, will we revert to monkey, some arbitrary level of advancement that we are evolutionarily calibrated to find most "meaningful", or will we simply get liquidated.

Every question and anxiety about the role of men in highly advanced society is concealing a question about the relationship between technics and meaning. Technics finding its highest point in the creation of a superior artificial mind, finally obsoleting the nervous system that has evolved to pilot the body that was obsoleted in the mid 20th century.

I wish I'd have connections to get that job. I'm very mentally broken sending those CV's, doing those job interviews just to get rejected because other candidate had more experience.

I have this idea for starting my own hardcore crossover band but then I realized I can't play an insturment and have no friends. Another 4 hours of my life wasted.

>>21851221
I started reading articles about dog attacks and then noticed people with big dogs had no control over them whilst on walks. I wouldnt say I'm scared of dogs, but I definitely am on alert when I see them now. Much the same way that I'm not scared of cars, but look both ways before I cross the street

>>21851443
Learn and instrument then put up posters asking for interested people to join your band.

>>21851374
>Every traditional male role has been taken over by the state
This is possible by males filling those occupations the state employs.

>>21851142
The selling point of leftism is partially that it makes people feel smarter
>Unlike those stupid chuds, I can sit down and watch a 1h30m Shaun video with no moving images/videos and follow everything he's saying!
>This year I read Marxist theorist X Y and Z who said art is blah blah and critical to a worker's revolution
Granted these people are actually smarter than the average conservative, but it's a low bar

Basically it's like
>Conservative: Look at how obvious this problem is! We have it on video
>Leftist: Umm actually it's more complicated than that, we have books that will explain all of it
But ironically, while the average leftist is smarter than the average chud, really the chud is right more of the time. Like "Women are just as strong/smart as men"? Really? "Importing millions of middle easterns to our country is good!". Come on. Being mid-tier IQ does not make you immune to propaganda, it just changes what kind of propaganda is effective on you.

>>21851490
Working in the welfare office doesn't make you a breadwinner. Sorry, buddy.

>>21851483
Who uses posters in 2023?

>>21851292
Sounds like old video game background music

>>21851492
The state does nothing more than hand out checks?

>>21851494
I see them all over, especially on my college campus. A poster asking for band mates got a bunch of interest

>>21851501
...And tax people. It also creates a lot of paperwork.

>>21851508
Really? And not anything else? Nothing at all?

>>21851520
Nope.

>>21851491
This assumes every leftist is a theorycel which isn't true. The terminally online breadttubers and fags who pollute /lit/ might be, but they arent representative of the average person. When I encounter progressives in the wild they're usually very uninformed, especially about statistics. They just have a theological commitment to egalitarianism.
Besides, being a theorycel doesnt even indicate intelligence. The best theorycels are midwits.

>>21851547
Yeah, you're correct. But my point is both breadtuber fans and average leftists are similar. They love the idea "reality is more complicated than it appears", they feel smart for it, which is why when right wingers go, "Look how obvious this is!!" they're immune to it. But ironically when the truth really *is* obvious, leftists can't turn this deferral to authority instinct off.

Sometimes reality is more complicated than it seems. Sometimes it's not. 90% of people in American politics can't grasp this. To a right winger it's always obvious. To a left winger it never is.

>>21851585
Again, thats moreso down to the theological commitment to egalitarianism. Equality is a given and cannot ever be contradicted. Ergo, when blatantly obvious examples of how people just are not equal manifest, they MUST deny it by any means necessary. It isn't "tee hee, I'm smarter than you because I know theory" it's "I am morally superior because I will not violate equality"

>>21851620
We both know it extends beyond that. Remember the covid vaccine? God help you if you didn't trust the experts

>>21851495
https://youtu.be/scif2vfg1ug

>>21851626
I think that came down to moral superiority as well.
>I got the vax to protect society!
Thoufh maybe its a combo. Sense of moral superioriry and intellectual superiority

>>21851659
It's moral superiority + a sense of intellectual superiority desu

Smoking cigarettes looks cool but they are yucky.

"Charlotte, we've been together for a year. She's not going anywhere."

Ted pressed the red receiver against his ear. Since the divorce proceedings, he would press it so rightly against his ear that it felt like a lobster was clamping down on it.

"I'm not having that restraining order lifted," the voice on the other end screeched with the grating tone of a turkey vulture. These days, Charlotte was sounding more and more like Edith from All in the Family, "I never want that homewrecker anywhere near my kids!"

"Don't call her that."

"I call her whatever I want! She ruined my fucking life!"

"Look, I don't want the kids to think that she's some kind of boogeyman or whatever. There's solidity in our relationship; we don't plan on leaving each other and it'd be good for the kids to actually get to know her."

"It's not a normal relationship, Ted! Letting our kids near that lowlife is fucking child abuse!"

"How the fu-- heck is it child abuse?" He wanted to say "fuck" but he didn't want to set a bad example for Brad and Jamie. They were at the table eating granola bars. It was all he could afford for the time being and he really didn't feel like washing dishes after them.

"Look me in the eyes while you fuck me" she said. And immediately after doing so she shattered into a trillion pieces and I evaporated into nothing. I was nowhere... Then I woke up. In my crummy bed in my crummy room in my crummy apartment in this crummy city known as Detroit. Its been 4 years since it all came crashing down and every day is still the same. I'm living in a loop of pure suffering.

I miss you so much Emma...

Beauty/harmony

How ugly can be beautiful? What's the whole deal with harmony and beauty in your theory? With some examples please.

>>21851480
You have explained why you have your response to dogs, but, again, I'm not characterizing fear responses as either irrational or some kind of cowardice for you or anyone else who may have them to dogs (or anything else). I don't think you understand the second part, and I think you feel unheard about your story because you have repeated it to me several times regardless of its relevancy to what I responded.

Death in solitude. Total isolation. Starving to death on a high mountain glacier dozens of miles from the closest other person. Exposure to the elements in the wilderness. Dying via catastrophic internal temperature drop while lying in freezing mud. Falling into a cave and breaking both legs on the way down and then dying of thirst. Getting sealed inside a stone chamber or pillar and never escaping. Piloting a wooden raft far out to sea and diving off the side with a heavy stone tied to the foot. Climbing a mountain and scraping the arms and legs all over on the way up and then falling off a sharp rocky ridge to the bottom. Lying on the sands of a desert and overheating to death. A heavy rock falling onto the head which causes fatal internal brain aneurysm. Dark water. Black forests at night. Ice. Air. Emptiness.

Rabbits

>>21851777
That was my first post in that chain. I like to interject into other peoples conversations.

>>21851786
Or is it a duck?

>>21851794
Both points stand.

>>21851798
No that one is a can opener, but I did see a nice bunny/lady the other day. Then I found out about swamp rabbits and got distracted.

>>21851804
Tell me about the swamp rabbits

>>21851807
They are really great stealth swimmers because they hide underwater, to avoid alligators and the like, with just their little noses out of the water like a snorkel and one of them almost took out Jimmy Carter because he didn't know to not fuck with the swamp rabbit.

>>21851704
you're not going to unlock arctic camouflage for your lungs with that sissy attitude

>>21850997
>ideologues
It's free trade, something people tend to do when you leave them alone, there's no specific ideology to free market capitalism other the innate human desire to be left alone and prosper.

Everyone who rejects this is either evil or brainwashing into an obedient slave of the system.

On graduation ceremony of my buddy i screamed on top of my lungs "bravo Name" to an auditorium of 500 people.
It was spontaneous and mostly product of my mixed strong emotions about lots of things. I still feel incredible shame and cringe when i think about it. I dont even hang out with that guy anymore, i dont consider him a friend
Hopefully this will help me forget about it and to move past it

>shitloads of women are unpleasant and downright revolting
>shitloads of men are unpleasant and downright revolting
>women still look at an average man like me and even by comparison don't want anything to do with me
what even is good enough anymore?

>>21851836
>free trade, something people tend to do when you leave them alone
It’s never happened in history anon.

I hate my college so much.
I've given them so much money and time. Their teachers are shit and they don't teach a thing, and they know this. We all know it. These people are just showing up for a paycheck and fucking off and I can respect that, I'm not here to learn, I'm here to get a piece of paper that should get me a job. Yet these assholes still have the AUDICITY to demand attention to their mind-nubing ramblings, attendance to their hour and a half sessions of fucking nothing and -worse of all- homework. HOMEWORK! I'm a fucking grown ass man, why the hell do I still need to go through this fucking ritual? They don't even bother reading it, but you better get your APA citations or that's gonna be bad!
Today I'm going to power through an entire afternoon wasted on a moronic assignment designed to be as time consuming as possible. Literally anything else could be a better use of my time, but I'll have to sit the fuck down and get it done as fast as possible.

I have a lot of things I want to do but not enough time do all of them. Realistically I have to choose one.

>>21851311
This may be long winded, but I will try to Socratic method this in a single post as it bed time for me.

Are you getting too much information in your day to day life? Stress, internet browsing, daily tasks that you need to attend to (all are effectively equal)? If yes, do you have daily meditation time (of the empty mind variety) and/or quiet walks in nature? If no then your mind has far too little opportunity to deal with this information overload. If you are naturally an overthinker as you mentioned, you need to incorporate more quiet time and possibly writing about your problems in a journal to let off steam.

I find it likely that within you a constant numbing buzzing has set in that is obstructing your perception of what actually interests you. ""Normally"" you should have some interests and vague ideas that you would like to pursue. My "muddyness of life" comment is in relation to this - have you been pulled into a life that doesn't appeal to you? Did you choose or did you stumble unwittingly into your job, your relations, you day to day situation? Are you doing things you actually like? If you lack "passion" and "interests" that begs the question if you know what these even are in relation to your own life.

To summarize, for one spend every day at least an hour or two both walking and meditating in silence. For another, answer to yourself if you even like the things you do day to day. Surely there has to be something that at least sparks your curiousity.

>>21851995
>writing about your problems in a journal to let off steam.
I do write here.
>Are you doing things you actually like?
I honestly do not know as I'm a very doubtful person.

I get itchy when people talk to me.

>>21851999
Physical writing is more stimulating. Try pen to papper if you have something on your heart.
>honestly do not know
Suggested exercise would be writing everything you do day to day down. Rating it's enjoyment and beneficiality to your life down on a scale from one to ten. For every thing answer how would you live if you didn't have that in your life? The most probable best course of action still remains quieting the mind and self examination. Noone else is really capable of judging these sort of things for you.

>>21852014
okay, I'll write in my journal. Although I cringe when I read my previous entries.

My head is itchy

>>21852016
It's ok to cringe at it. Don't reread if necessary or write on printer paper if it's something really embarrasing and throw it out. For some reason, putting ideas on something physical helps with solution finding. Godspeed, anon.

>>21852025
Thanks anon. I hope it helps.

Inwardly I am barely holding myself up, outwardly I am rushing from success to success. The truth is that I only do the hard work because I think it's an appropriate form of distraction. Scaling the heights is the easy part. Just staying alive is the hard part. I've lost my ability to be spontaneous. It's an ascetic life.

Thanks a lot to whoever told me about virtue ethics. Now I have a duty to spend my time to learn more about it if in order to live a rational life. *Sigh*

I left this place several months ago, hoping to better my life, only coming back once to check if there was anything special for Christmas. I come back today because I was bored out of my mind, and I see that it's exactly the same. Only, I am not the same. I think I'm a bit happier, a bit more content with my life. I used to post in these threads daily. I imagine some of you here do the same. Maybe try taking a long break. Not just from 4chan but from the internet in general.

k thx bye

My dad says I'm pretty.

Things are going well.

The letter of censure came in a brown envelope. The kind with metal closures. We had just finished eating Thai food and now I was drinking and she was knitting. Something to pass the time, she'd said. Fractured sunlight and street sounds pressed against the glass, and a warm breeze slithered under the half open window. Her cat who she calls Max and I call Cat was on the rug, laying on it's back and staring at me. Begging for food. I offered it some beer. It made a cat sound at me and I shrugged back.

Did we get any mail?

Dunno. I stood and walked the fourteen steps to the door.

>>21851712
i really fucking hate exclamation points. Some writer said it seems like laughing at your own joke and I agree. But continue posting

When I think about the last 3 years I get so angry and restless. What a waste!

I wish I had someone trustworthy that I could turn to advice. The only people I have are people that will try to lessen my ambition or just don’t have any life experience to offer.

>>21852379
Read Epistemic Authority: A Theory of Trust, Authority, and Autonomy in Belief by Linda Trinkaus Zagzebski

>>21852390
>reading books by women

I hate my life and my job and my apartment. I bought a twenty pack and I'm halfway through. Im thinking about opening my little silver box and taking out some drugs. Xanax, brand new, never tried before. Or maybe some coke. Sit in my car and smoke and snort and smoke some more. Thinking about waking up tomorrow, at 5 am and going in to work in the cold and dark makes me want to heem myself. There aren't any heems this weekend, only next weekend. I wish I could just abuse cocaine and half a live in girlfriend, her place is like an hour away through heavy traffic and she doesn't have any cool drugs or a nice alcohol collection like I do. But her bedroom is nicer than mine and it's in a better part of the city- technically she lives in a suburb. I could really go for some coke right now but I got scammed or it got seized but either way I'm out 400 dollars and that sucks when you only make 900 dollars a week.maybe I'll go to the zoo, the zoo is free and I can wander around in the waning sunlight and pretend I'm a tourist and hope I can see a cool animal, not the fleeting backside of a rhino as it goes back into its enclosure like last time on Thanksgiving, when I was trying to think of anything to avoid spending time with my family. Maybe I should take a drive, when traffic settles down, go speeding ....im outta beer gotta go get some more then i'll write whats on my mind some more later I think

>>21852459
Motherfuckers making 900 a week acting like they have it bad. You're a bitch. Hope you get scammed again loser

>some 4chan anon always complaining about my grammar
>my chatgpt bot always complimenting my perfect grammar

>>21852517
I mistyped. I make 800 a week before taxes, 600 after. 2400 a month is under 30k a year. Living in a major city where rent is 1300 a month utilities not included leaves very little for anything else. So not that much money. But if you make less than that I can understand being upset with my bitching. I hope I don't get scammed again, its not fun having no recourse.

But now I have more beer and I'm gonna keep writing whats on my mind until I drink myself to sleep. I think my girl is gonna break up with me. She has been talking about moving back home to where she was raised and I don't really have anything to offer her to make her stay and she hasn't invited me to come with her. I'm not very good with people so I'm not sure how I can get another girl to spend time with me. I'm not very good looking and I think I am getting a widows peak. But... No there's no but. I'm very concerned and stressed. I guess I can buy more drugs and maybe get scammed or maybe get the drugs. I get shoulder pain, like in the crick of my neck but I guess it's technically my trapezius muscle and I don't work those out so maybe it's my fault.

I don't have any friends, I pretend I do to make myself seem normal to my coworkers and to my girl who is probably going to leave the city/me. I wonder what it's like to have friends. People to trust and hangout with, to see movies with and see concerts with and go to the zoo with, to talk to instead of talking with anons on lit who call you a bitch. I think it would be nice. I'm gonna go grab some drugs from my little silver box and do them and maybe I'll feel better and then I can make a friend or maybe figure out how to get another woman to

>>21850686
My mind feels like an egg which my consciousness is trying to crack open and break free of. Flashes of ideas and aesthetics, like light between the cracks of a shutter.

I wish my boyfriend's ex girlfriend would disappear of the face of the earth.

a book that contains fictional biographies of my grandfather, my father, and myself
called "Tercet"

I think that the technological advances of the last two decades has cemented the stranglehold of the ((elite))))))))) that rule over our lives and has done little to improve the lives of the common man.

>>21852660
Gun, noose, knife or a bucket of angry lobsters.

>>21852710
I don't want to kill her because I would go to prison and I would never see my boyfriend ever again. I want her to get into a final destination kind of accident.

>>21852707
I honestly think theyre kind of retards. It would be easier for them to maintain control and their profits would be greater if they just tried to make things at least somewhat functional

>>21852713
Banana peels and misplaced razor wire then. Or, you know, you could just talk it out with your BF if his ex is stepping out of line.

>>21852729
She's not. I just hate her for existing.

>>21852733
What's the issue anyway? Jealous of her or something?

I've completely ruined my life and have no future ahead of me but suicide, and I don't even know why I did it. Somehow I let all of my 20s go by while sulking. I don't even feel regret. I'm just perplexed. It feels like I woke up from a dream and found myself in someone else's life. I've no idea how I got here.

>>21852737
No she is very ugly to be honest. I just have an extreme hate for her and I don't really know why. Maybe it's because she hurt my boyfriend's feelings in the past.

>>21852740
What were you thinking the whole time? Was it some false idea you had?

>>21852714
True. But thinking your enemies are idiots is peak Art of War. The idea that the people who rule the entire planet are retarded or even less intelligent than you is foolish. It's like falling for Bush jr's Simple-Country-Boy routine back in the early 2000's.

((They)))) maintain perfect control in spite of the dysfunctional nature of their rule. Which only offers supporting evidence to the theory of their Complete Control. Most revolutions/rebellions were started for less insult and injury than what we are offered on a daily basis. I seriously think the source of this power is the technological advances they wield. No other ruling class has had as many tools as they do now.

>eating peanut butter cracks triggers migraine
>take tylenol
>eat 3 more 4-packs of peanut butter crackers
>migraine intensifies, now overpowering tylenol
>mfw i've still got 21 4-packs left to go

>>21852759
I dont mean they have low IQs, only that evidently something in their motives or beliefs about reality is wonky if their empire is falling apart in 10 different ways. Maybe its religious, or ideological, or as banal as racial narcissism, idk, but they dont seem very good at ruling.

>>21852763
Just drink some water you fucking mongoloid.

>>21852750
That I hate people and the world and want nothing to do with them. Which I still generally believe but still...as a younger man it was somehow more fashionable...or rather as an older man it is somehow more trite and shameful. More than anything now I feel mortally hungry and realize how much I've lost, most of which I've never had, and will now never have.

winter blossom
pink and awe-some
see me fullsome
I know no-one
empty know none
when's the show won?
when there's no "won"
when the snow's come
silent know none
all know know none
know all know none
silent go run
over hills run
silent snow's come
under gold sun
silent snow's come
silence shows none
secrets stowed un
der the gold sun
silence shows none
but I am no one.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez is actually japanese in spirit, that's why it's so bad

You are cordially invited to Elon Musk's Burning Man Gapes n Grapes Orgy

>>21852339
"'How the fuck is it child abuse..?'" Charlotte's voice was as soft as the ticking of the countdown timer on a bundle of dynamite.

Silence.

"Charlotte?" Ted gave the phone his rapt attention.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! HOW DARE YOU ASK SUCH A RETARDED GODDAMNED QUESTION!!!! I WALK IN ON HER SQUATTING OVER YOU NAKED LIKE A FUCKING GARGOYLE AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO ASK THAT?!?!?!!1 I OUGHT TO CUT HER HEAD OFF AND THROW IT IN YOUR TOILET!!!"

She kept ranting over the phone. Ted took that as his cue to put it back on the hook. He didn't feel like putting up with that shit.

He walked over to the folding card table where the kids were eating their bars, "did you guys get enough to eat?"

"Yeah.." they said in unison. They knew why him and their mom had gotten a divorce. They didn't like the joint custody arrangement. They didn't like being shuffled between houses, they didn't like that they had to live cheaper than they did before, they didn't like that things could never go back to the way they were, they didn't like that there was no use in letting out a primal scream of vitriol against the people who ruined their lives, and they certainly didn't like him. Neither did Ted.

"Come on, let's get you to school." They got up and skittles over to the coat rack to grab their winter coats and their book bags. They slipped their hats on and dropped their butts to the floor to firce their snow boots on. They were getting just a size too small and Ted meant to take them to the Payless Shoesource at the mall to get them new ones but forgot to. He figured wearing boots that were one size too small wasn't that big of a deal. Jamie would complain and whine bitterly about it no matter how many times Ted would tell her that she could live with it because it was the middle of February and Spring would be here before they knew it. Although in each of their minds: they felt that Spring wasn't getting here fast enough.

They opened the door to the bitter chill outside and the air hit Brad so hard that he started hacking like a chain smoker. He didn't have asthma or anything, he just hated the weather.

There was no garage to keep the Chevelle out of the elements so Ted woke up at 4:30 that morning to scrape the ice off the windshield and clear the snow with a shovel, which was a pain on his back and would only get worse with time.

Ted heard Jamie slip and crash against the sidewalk and then she started crying. That slimy feeling of shame rushed down his spine and he whirled around to pull her up. He lifted her by her hips and kissed her, "I'm so sorry, baby girl! Daddy forgot to put salt down!" He threw open the passenger side door and buckled her seat belt for her. And kissed her again. She'd be crying all the way to school and nothing could placate her. Ted's own father probably would have slapped him and told him to quit his bawling or else he'd have something to cry about but if that didn't work on him then it wouldn't work on his own kids.

>>21852865
They call Elon "The Winemaker" and not for the reason you think

I’m at this hateful point where I just mock everyone and everything. Sometimes I cry when i’m alone, but I can’t stop it.

>>21852956
What led you to become so cynical and hateful?

>>21852956
Boys do not cry. I know it sounds like the title of an 80's synth rock band, or a line from American Psycho, but it's true. Don't do it. It lessens you as a man.

>>21852956
You should. You should keep your face wet with tears until it is the blood of tyrants wet in its stead.

>>21852966
This is bullshit. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

>>21852974
I seriously disagree. I'm not trying to be one of those Stoic guys or pretend I'm a tougher guy than you. I'm not.

I just firmly believe that men should not cry with the exception of the death of an immediate family member or the birth of a child. And even that should be limited.

It's okay to feel and express emotion, but I disagree with crying.

>>21852989
How can you disagree with something that’s a natural biological response to feelings of sadness or frustration? That’s like saying that you disagree with laughing. Crying is a part of healthy human emotional expression.

One beautiful night won't pry you out of hell, but a hundred might.

What philosophy books would people still read in a post-apocalypse?

>>21853009
Why do you feel like you’re in hell?

>>21853019
A series of consequences, failures, silences, and extended bouts of health related pain and agony.

>>21850686
I'm tired. I keep telling myself I'm good enough. Then I tell myself life is overall pointless to make these thoughts valueless. But no matter how much I lie to myself I still care. Am an adult, I should know better, I am a man, I should care less. I am loved, I am complimented, I fuck, I play, I smile everyday. But I can't get it out of my head. My body isn't good enough. Everyone is looking and laughing. I stare at the mirror and rage at an image of myself that everyone says is wrong. That I look good, that I look stronger, that I've never looked better. But I don't listen, I can't listen. You're fat, you're thin, you look too young, you look too old. And yet I'm loved, I fuck, I play, I smile. I get complimented, unprompted. So why can't I stop?

>>21853007
I understand what you are saying. I just don't think men should do it. I think it lessens you as a man/person

>>21853033
Are there people who love you who you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

>>21853037
Okay boomer.

masturbated to trans girls last night again after trying to quit for a week. wanted to die, feeling a bit better today after distracting myself with other stuff

>>21853037
But what logical reason is there for that belief? Why exactly does crying lessen you as a man/person?

>>21853047
His alcoholic father beat that message over his head while watching John Wayne films or something.

>>21853040
It's not a feeling like an impacted tooth, but a broad and transient state of existence. Hell has walked with me whether I wanted it to or not since childhood. My "feelings" are not so bad, only they do often enough get scorched by the presence of this hell. To me, confession is not salvation, I don't have the Catholic disposition for therapy.

>>21853042
I'm a millennial. You really think it's okay for men to cry? What about cry openly in front of other people- in the manner that women do?

>>21853048
my dad didn't drink and he never hit me.

>>21853047
I don't know. I can't name a real reason why, I just think it's true. It just comes from a line of reasoning.

>>21853050
Have you ever even tried to see a counsellor?

>>21853037
retard hylic

>>21853053
I understand being embarrassed to cry in front of strangers, but crying in front of close friends or family on occasion is fine. If you can’t provide a valid explanation for your only explanation for your belief, that’s a sign that it’s a stupid belief and you’re full of shit.

>>21853053
>What about cry openly in front of other people- in the manner that women do?
Why not think that women cry openly in front of other people like men do? Gender has nothing to do with sadness or tears. Tears are an emotional and biological response to generate empathy and release stress. Not only is it unhealthy to hold crying back, it's unnatural. A societal invention. Masculinity isn't real in the sense that we pretend it is. I don't mean biological, I mean emotional masculity. A man isn't a mold. A "real" good man doesn't follow others and try to be like them. A strong man is himself. He feels, he lives.
But deeper down even we are just animals. There aren't lesser men or women. People aren't better or worse for how they look, what they wear, when they cry, how they sound or because of what they say. None of that matters.
The only line that matters is of goodness, of kindness. Of not killing or harming another fellow human. All of the rest is made up trite.
Beauty, manliness, pah, bullshit made up to sell gym memberships, beauty creams and makeup.

>>21853050
Is there anyone you love or don’t feel hateful and mocking towards?

>>21852774
I can relate. I took the pessimism pill very hard, and wasted years of my life. For me it was the signs of aging that revealed to me how ridiculous I was being, like you mention. When you notice your hairline receded, it's like fuck, what am I doing with my life really? Numbers of age I can handle, even though they're unpleasant. But the physical signs of aging are so unpleasant, not only by their material downsides, but for the ominous reminder that time is ticking. It's like holding a mirror up to yourself: This is the person you are. It can be very unpleasant.

>>21853056
Numerous times. For me, an open ear is another pond that leads deeper into hell. A little beauty, a little penance, and a true belief in love's surrender keeps such things at bay. Plus the medical and fitness regimens that keep the body firm and hale, that too is important. Of course, they say a healthy body is often a sadder body, for the world will demand more of it, and pulls it nearer to the reaper's field.

>>21853071
Yes, certainly, but I suffer a bit of an estrangement due to my nature. And they have realer and more painful problems than I do. So I help when I can, and I'm thankful for all the ways I've kept a bit of peace for myself. Time comes when eventually even someone like me matters a little, it comes around now and then, and I do delight in such occasions.

I'm seriously having trouble believing this many dudes think it's okay for men to cry, and to cry in public. That it is equally as good as laughing or smiling in public. Am I getting trolled?

I’m sorry I don’t know why I can’t stop I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop thinking about this why did you say “the love and attention she so clearly desires” so contemptuously like it’s a crime for me to want to be loved like it’s absurd of me to desire even a scrap of your attention like I don’t deserve anything at all

>>21853099
It's normal here but I'm not in US. There's lots of times if you didn't cry in public it kind of means you're a shithead.

Meant >>21853115 for >>21853105

>theory of theory-theory
Who comes up with this?

>>21853115
>there are times times you are expected to cry in public

Seriously? What times would that be? What country/region? I'm seriously curious.

This whole conversation is reminding me of The Little Prince by that frenchmen

>>21853128
Anything where you're supposed to be emotional. Your team wins the trophy, a loved one dies, you're having a drunken argument about tax laws, discussing the history of the state. It's a way of showing you're genuinely emotionally involved. I don't want to dox myself but my country is majority Catholic like France, so that could play a part? Protestants seem to value being staid and stoic more.

>>21853137
If you think revealing the country you live in will doxx you then you’re an idiot. Presumably millions of other people live there.

>>21853139
>You have millions of English speakers in your country right
Oh, America.

>>21853142
English is one of the most widely spoken second languages across the globe. Presumably you have thousands, if not tens of thousands, of other people in your country who speak English as a second language.

>>21853153
Do you want to try the manager?

>>21853137
Huh. I'm not religious. I said the death of a loved one is an appropriate time to cry. But the others are very odd. Is this a Euro thing? Americans don't cry in drunken arguments nor when discussing history. Only a few will cry during sporting events.

>>21853162
>Americans don't cry when discussing history
American patriotism comes across as really performative and insincere, maybe that's why? If you think about how many countries were made independent in the past hundred years though, it might be because people have a closer relationship to those who died in revolutions etc.

>>21850686
The ultimate red pill and advice to be on the path to resolve all your problems whether male or female?

Forgive your mothers!

Then forgive your father for not protecting you from her and hear his side of the story.

Seems to always be the case with troubled ppl like in these trannies, incels, school shooters, thugs, sluts, daddy issue girls etc or anyone with issues.

They resent their mothers for being controlling and either pushing their fathers away via divorce or turning them into weak versions of themselves so they couldn't lead the family. Take a look at anyone who has issues or even yourself. Its hard to admit cos we love our mothers but there is always something she did that we resent her for. Whether it's that their "love" felt conditional or they were overbearing/controlling etc. It always brings out the negative traits in people. Forgive your mother's (as in verbally say it to them ideally in person) then return to your dad's and forgive him too for not protecting you from your mother's negative nature. Until you do this you will never be who you were supposed to be and will always have trouble dealing with women properly if you can't even deal with the one that's supposed to love you regardless. Or with females, you will become her and inflict the pain on other men or your own kids. Its just a cycle of women never being called out on their shit so it spills out onto their kids

Learn to stand up to your mother's, if they truly loved you unconditionally they would take your criticism on board but 99% don't and will deny shit or turn on you which just shows their nature that their love is "conditional". You will notice everything they do even if it's "out of love" is always some element to have something over you to control.

>>21853071
Thanks for asking those questions, or at least that one. I hope you have a really lovely night and upcoming new month with the people you love and want to be around.

>>21850893
The panic left me when I noticed it was actually happening.
Turns out it wasn't the hairline receding but more the thinning.
Immediately buzzed it off and now no longer worry about my hair.
All that worrying left when I accepted it was over.

>>21853169
nah dude. that doesn't make sense. no Frenchman sobs when he talks about the french revolution. no Brit crys when he recalls his Alfred, William, Churchill, Thatcher, or Blair or the major events connected with these leaders.

And an argument about taxes?
>I think taxes should be lower for poor people, and higher for rich people, sob
>I think taxes should be an equal percentage, sob
>I think taxes should be abolished, sob

this doesn't happen. men don't cry over these things.

>>21853192
I don't think Britain is Catholic?

>>21853192
>french don't get heated about their revolutionary spirit
Dude turn on the news once in a while

I suspect the realization that one’s e-mails, text messages, and social media posts exist on the internet forever pushes some people over the edge who are considering suicide. There’s a sense that even if you were to “make it” your online life would be incriminating or embarrassing enough to destroy you. When I think back to my college days, even some of the e-mails I wrote to professors are enough to make me want to shoot myself.

It's wild watching the American elites destroy the republic in order to save it. Feels very Roman. We really are in America's late republic.

>>21853372
Alarmist braindead retard spiritual woman supreme dictator bitch behind the scenes controlling every person and the media

>>21853372
I think part of it is that managerialism requires less and less contact between the managed and the managers the more powerful it becomes. And, because of this, it becomes less and less important who to them who they are actually managing, and the condition of their environment.

>>21853372
2 more weeks

Brooding again

>>21853433
brooding over what?

>>21853162
>Americans don't cry in drunken arguments nor when discussing history.
I do

>>21851917
>It’s never happened in history anon.
It most certainly has and if we get nuked it will immediately revert back to this most natural system

>>21853434
My life. I feel like my whole life has been one big chain of falling dominoes. One thing went terribly wrong and everything from that point has been fucked. I'm just frustrated that things worked out this way and it's hard to let go of everything that brought me here.

Musicians have replaced poets, haven’t they?

>>21853459
I can hardly concieve of a time poetry has been less appriciated than the present. And even in the old days poets combined rhyme with history and stories to entice the audience. Plebians do not care for it as they used to.

>>21853459
>>21853469
Rap is modern poetry and is more popular than ever.

>>21853442
How have things worked out?

been saving myself on 4chan by only reading the replies to the original poster's opening post that started some argument instead of randomly reading the shit underneath that usually screech about something not very related

Nothing demoralizes me more than shit like this

>>21853469
Where would you suggest someone start with poetry? I've been wanting to get a copy of Leaves of Grass

Ran into my ex at the bookstore today. She seemed happy to see me, asked to see what I'd bought and talked for a bit. She was pretty when she smiled. I fled back to the car and drove home in a cloud of cigarette smoke and regret. Can't go back though, I cheated then left for the other girl. Other girl then said if I'd cheat with her I'd cheat on her and that it wouldn't work. She was probably right.
Is fidelity hard or am I just a slave to lust and impulse? Can my nature be overcome? I want virtue, but don't know how to cultivate it.

So is there any point to living as a midwit? Or a NEET? Or as a teacher? I've been contemplating suicide by train, and while fear of death is a motivator to life, I don't have much to look forward to.

>>21853469
It's so shitty, because not only am I a poet myself, I think the medium is really good at things that prose isn't as good at.

For example, I think poetry is really great at recounting thrilling things. Battles, quarrels, escapes, debates. I've been writing a lot of narrative poetry over the past few years and it really hums when you're describing something dramatic in verse. It's much more powerful than a lot of prose doing the same thing. It makes total sense why the Iliad still has the effect it does.

>>21853490
Theres a lot thats gone badly. Academically, professionally, financially, Ive had a lot of failures. But my biggest problem is my social life. Ive been so alone and so lonely for so long. Years and years and years. Something changed in me. I really feel like my capacity to enjoy anything is so limited now.

>>21853534
Whats the book

>>21853581
Rabbit Run by Updike

>>21853573
I see so many people struggling with loneliness anymore, I try to be empathetic but I just feel the complete opposite of what I observed as the norm. Especially among younger people. I used to have a lot friends and go out a lot but anymore I just want to be alone. I have deliberately chosen to be alone and the thought of an outing with a group or even a single person seems so unappealing. I don't know if it's just come with age or what, (I'm pushing 30) but I just value my time so much anymore I'd rather be in as much control of it as possible.

I hope my boyfriend's ex girlfriend gets lyme disease.

>>21853573

This is very relatable. My solution was to embrace it, let it pass through and transform me. Rain is only a bother until you give up on trying to remain dry.

>>21853724
JFC you stupid bitch shut the fuck up about your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend the amount of time and emotional energy you spend hating this chick is honestly pathetic you’re like obsessed with her

>>21853743
I am obsessed with hating her.

I should’ve tried being a teacher.

>>21853744

lyme disease is so specific too. Drink some tea, Pet a cat or something

>>21853744
Get a life

>>21853316
>When I think back to my college days, even some of the e-mails I wrote to professors are enough to make me want to shoot myself.
Same man, I've written some downright embarrassing and overly personal shit to teachers. I really don't know what compelled me. I wouldn't even write it here on an anonymous site it's that embarrassing to me.
Here's hoping they all forgot about me.

>>21853754
I was just thinking about how it is tick season so I was hoping she would get lyme disease.
>>21853762
Okay. Can I still post about how I hate my boyfriend's ex girlfriend though?

>>21853767
No, shut the fuck up roastie.

>>21853767
how fat are you?

>>21853784
Not too fat.

The strain and tension is killing me and I know I’m only making things worse by what I’ve been doing and that no matter what I do or say you won’t care and will just grow to hate me more and more because I’m unable to leave you alone and I don’t want to make you unhappy but I need you so much that I can’t stop. why won’t you just talk to me? I'll confess everything… I had a dream about you last night— we were in a airport waiting room and you were acting standoffish and cold and when I asked you why you were mad at me you said you weren't angry, just very anxious, and then I hugged you. i know my dreams have no bearing on reality but I wish

Debtmaxxing might be good advice

I met a 50 year old version of myself at the bar tonight. Grim. I woke up. It was 8:30pm. I showered. Went to the bar. And then met the 50 year old version of myself. Grim.
https://youtu.be/238Dh6N9GLg

>>21853611
Whats updike?

>>21853618
I used to feel that way but lately I've accepted that my wholesale rejection of social life is the result of aseries of emotionally traumatic events. It wasnt until my mid 20s hit that I started wishing I had the normies life. I'm just so tired of being alone.

>>21853724
So what did you mean in the last thread that most anonswould dislike you upon seeing you

>>21853793
Height and weight. Poast them

>>21853822
What the fuck is your problem?

>>21853845
I am a minority.

>>21853618
I am both. I choose to be alone, ideally I would like a solid friend group, but solitude is preferable to a shitty social scene.

>>21853851
Minority of what

>>21853860
I am non-white.

>>21853863
what kind?

I hope my boyfriends ex girlfriend is happy and thriving

>>21853863
I gave my virginity to a black girl. I miss her pussy.

l hope my gfs ex-boyfriend is in a ditch

my boyfriend has no ex girlfriend because he was an incel

My future wife wont have to be jealous of any ex gf because I'm saving myself for marriage :)

>>21850686
Take the Fridigus' Letter on Nothingness and Darkness pill.
You won't regret it.

>>21853870
You should call her and tell that to her.
>>21853871
I feel the same way about my boyfriend's ex girlfriend.

>>21853881
post big black ass

>>21853881
>one chance at life
>you date a brown yandere girl
>have to walk on eggshells lest she shrinks your head and turn it into a permanent fixture for her nightstand

>>21853886
Today my boyfriend told me I am never allowed to leave the house without him. I do not think he's walking on eggshells.

>>21853881
We broke up in 2016. That would be weird

>>21853893
It would be romantic.

>>21853895
Maybe if she were an obsessive psycho like you. Normal people find that disturbing.

I am a neurotic hypochondriac. I am not scared of things, I find things to focus my pre-existing fear on.

>>21853892
>my boyfriend told me I am never allowed to leave the house without him.
bit weird

>>21853892
What the fuck scary.

>>21853898
Don't be so rude. Maybe she would find it sweet that you're still thinking about the intercourse you had with her. I would be very flattered.

>>21853903
>>21853904
It is not scary or weird to me. He is just trying to keep me safe.

>>21853912
Safe from what?

>>21853905
We were in high school. It was 7 years ago. I hope you understand that you are an outlier for finding obession and stalking endearing

>>21853912
Does he make you wear a collar

>>21852746
Woman moment.

>>21853920
No. I think it would be nice if he made me wear one though. Should I ask him to get me one?

>>21853925
gross

>>21853925
I'm calling larp on you. Post hand.

>>21853923
This is his ex-girlfriend. I can not compete with that.

>>21853932
Maybe I will. I do not like posting photos of myself online though. What if in the future someone tries to stalk me?

>>21853942
Its just a fucking hand

>>21853948
OK here is my hand
(It's clean that's just the lighting )

>>21853053
Anon.. read some Arno Gruen

>>21853053
"I don't know why" isn't a line of reasoning

I'm not being mean by calling you/us a slave race. That's just a reality when you let parasitic evil control the foundations of your thoughts and feelings.

test

I'm still feeling this emotional swing that goes between hating and respecting my ex-gf, and it's really annoying. She really helped me a lot when we were together. I wouldn't have accomplished a lot of things if it wasn't for her. But she openly cheated on me at the end. I don't know if I should be grateful to her for redpilling me and helping me when I needed it, or hating her for not living up to the morals I thought we shared. I guess it doesn't really matter now though.

>>21854140
I love you

I have this recurring nightmare about bugs, It's fucking awful. In it they're crawling around on every surface and sometimes jumping at me to bite me. last night it was praying mantis'. I want there to be some jungian significance to it but I am probably just afraid of bugs

>>21854150
love you too

What is the comfiest russian book? Im halfway through TBK and its not doing it for me the same way Crime and Punishment did, I need something I can read while im cozy in bed with steaming cocoa beside me while rain batters my apartment window

>>21853863
Was your BFs ex white and you have a minority complex about it?

>>21854369
Dead Souls by Gogol.
Oblomov by Goncharov a close second.

I am fucking livid.
You're a fucking aneurysm made flesh I know will either kill me or put me in a gurney for the rest of what little life you'll allow me once I wake up from an existential fever dream, and I'm fucking losing.
I want out. I want this to be over. Just fuck off. Just fuck the fuck off you fucking fuck.
Fucking kill me then you fucking slithering piece of mental blight. You fucked me up. You fucked my head up. I can't fucking run from this fucking plague and it's your fault.
You did this. You gave me this fucking disease. Fuck you for this.

Look at me now.
A waste of skin because you're in it. You fucking biblical patchwork of desperately mended dead poetry, looming over my fucking head like a cancerous fucking rain.
Fucking rain down then.
Rain on me you cowardly fuck. You don't deserve to fucking live, so I'll blow out my brains so you'll catch that bullet at least as hard as I will.

What the fuck do you want from me?
I did everything. And right. I did everything right. Why can't you believe that? Why can't you leave me alone, you miserable fuck?
What's the point, you fucking parasite? You're me, for fuck's sake. Why do you want ME to die?
You make no fucking sense. Why are you like this? You're fucked in the head. In MY head.
And I want you fucking gone.
You fucking miscarriage. You fucking psycho ringworm from hell.
You're a fucking whore's discharge. You unholy, Gomorran, limbless cloud of toxic fucking guts.

They should put you on the wall of a fucking Cathedral to scare the altar boys harder than the priest with his cock in his wrinkly hand.
You're the discharge of an ungodly miscreant that fucking molests me like liquid aids on an open wound.
You fucking skinless, gutless, heartless parody of a godless thought.

Get the fuck out of my head.

>few years ago
>mother bought an oven
>oven has all these different modes and shit
>certain modes are used for cooking certain foods
>fucking confusing to use
>miss the old oven
>want to throw some curly fries in the oven
>she tells me I need it to put it in "Convect" mode because "itll cook the fries evenly"
>takes a fucking hour to cook
>fries arent cooked evenly at all
>few days later
>put curly fries in oven
>completely forgot what mode im supposed to set it in
>she asks me if I remember what mode to put it in
>I say yes
>accidentally call it Conservative mode
>she looks at me like im a fucking idiot
I hate technology.

>>21854417
get with the times or get left behind, brother

Two question:
Is todays fiction less popular than anything older than 40 years of age?
Are short stories less popular than novels?

I'm still on my Lovecraft bender and would like to write something similar to his work. I guess good writing can make it's own niche?

>you have a day left to live
what do you do?

Are french women the biggest coalburners on the planet?

Are male virgins disgusting to women as sluts to men?

>>21854666
I love sluts so I doubt. Nothing like getting your dick sucked or getting it in within an hour of meeting a girl

Things started go downhill with some, in retrospect, bad choices around 25.

>>21854638
>Is todays fiction less popular than anything older than 40 years of age?
Literary fiction has definitely declined but other forms like young adult, fantasy, and sci-fi have exploded
There is definitely an audience for Lovecraft style stuff
>Are short stories less popular than novels?
Yep

>>21854417
>>21854496
Back in my day we didn't even have an "On" button. You just turn the knob and it set the temperature. Things were simpler back then- better if you's ask me.

>>21854710
Thanks, anon. So there's a chance if I stop being a retard and learn to stretch a story out.
Are there any good books specifically on writing a novel vs general writing?

>>21854666
Sluts are "free" sex. Male virgins have seemingly something wrong with them because no woman has had sex with them. Not really the same even if disgust may be similar.

>>21854767
Good novelists don't really use books to write, they just read other good novelists and copy what they do. You get better at it over time

>>21850686
I have a massive sister complex and there's nothing I can do about it.

>>21854653
From what I've heard and seen, the biggest coalburners are actually german women

>>21854648
probably spend sometime with parents, call my brother and thats it.

>>21854792
There are barely any negros in Germany though?

>>21854848
Not really much out there that’s important is there?

>>21854884
in my life? no. Im just one step away from doing it myself.

An ideology is no better than the people it attracts

>>21854954
If it means anything, Jobs died empty, broken and with no soul.

His legacy is a joke in the face of another soulless one like Musk.

I meant it as a generality.
You still have a life to achieve a modicum of happiness. Maybe your emptiness is aesthetic.
You define it.

>>21854986
communism will never recover from this

>>21854653
The French are just sexually disgusting in general

>>21854994
I could imaging seeing emptiness as aesthetic thing if you're a writer or just content with it. That's not my case. Just an ocean of impotent rage.

>>21854775
>Male virgins have seemingly something wrong with them
The same applies to sluts though

Whale is on my mind
Settle down children
On the sea floor

Is there a difference between someone who “thinks critically” vs someone who considers themselves a “critical thinker”. I had a professor in college who taught critical thinking (instead of what he was was supposed to teach) and he just came off as a smarmy asshole. So is it an ego thing vs actual knowledge/critical analysis?

theres only a few more posts until the next thread. everything we've written will be forgotten

>>21855068
and thats a good thing

>>21855072
Yeah but make sure you answer my post before, otherwise I wont feel good :(

>>21855010
Use the energy to chisel and carve yourself into something effective and dangerous.

Read Gemmell.

>>21855007
Ah oui oui.

>>21855076
sadly that energy cannot be harvested hence its called impotent rage. I already smashed a ceramic plate to my head and punched brick wall till my hand bones (metacarpals) broke in two places.

>>21855081
I’ve done the same, both left and right hands.
In terms of head injury I’m basically that railroad spike in the head guy.
>exaggerating but not baseless

I’m on antipsychotics because after years of honing my anger and will, it was just used to get my way and belittle the weak.
From whatever meek individual I was to an unhinged psychopath who got what he wanted. Whatever.

You just don’t have the perspective of having seen your impotence lift after engaging with life on your terms. After having been enlightened by some powerful passage or train of thought, no less.

Just be aware of the hubris if and when you do grow out of your helplessness. Your journey is before you.
Strategise.

>t. Randall McMurphy
>(Goddamn do I hate trying to sound coherent explaining my own failures and schizo)

new thread
>>21855154

>>21855152
>After having been enlightened by some powerful passage or train of thought, no less
That might be it. How did it happen in your case?

>>21855168
Years of reading Gemmell.

I spent my time in school reading a single author instead of getting the best grades.
As I became a farce of a young man, I realised the characterisations allowed me insight into the raw conceptions of masculinity and the feminine. This gave me some direction.

I wish I could come up with some pithy quote from his works to sum it up but the stupidity leads me to only an idea of his works.
Redemption.

We are all deeply flawed but it’s what we choose to do with that knowledge.
>Overcome great evil within yourself

That evil I saw and considered within myself was weakness. Ignorance.
So I found things that gave me the knowledge and understanding to change and evolve.
This gave me purpose and strength.

Not exactly related but I hope you get the implication.
They dug up the bones of an Ancient Greek athlete and found the bones in his right shoulder and arm were noticeably thicker and denser than his left.
>Even bone can be forced to grow.

And this is from a person who’s mantra of humanity was that, “people never change”
There’s an unshakable core within a malleable shell. That’s how I see it now.
But even that’s liable to change or become nuanced if I continue developing it.

Just open your mind to growth and limitless evolution.

>sorry for the lack of structure

>>21855231
>raw conceptions of masculinity and the feminine
what is masculinity/femininity according to you?
as for me, I feel like a very emotional person who terribly afraid of being emotional (or even acknowledging it) and ending up as a castrated intellectual.

>>21855268
I don’t have it in me to define those terms clearly.

Men should be like concrete, stone.
Women should be like fire, but also fluid.

Your concerns are addressed in Gemmell’s works.

Experience and wisdom will let you know when to be hard and when to be soft.
But otherwise, it’s all suffering and fun until enlightenment.
Try not to rush it unless you’ve got somewhere to be.

My boyfriend got me coffee and a bagel for breakfast. Yum.

>>21855290
>Gemmell
I see that there are a few books of him in my language so I'll start with this.
>somewhere to be
I have this feeling of missing the life train.

>>21855337
It’s why I brought up Jobs and Musk.

Jobs was rejected by his birth parents
Musk is as autistic and uncharming as they come
But both were richer than God and have fulfilled their biological purposes.
Lived or live lives the others envy
But doesn’t Musk seem desperate for the approval of people?

There’s so little that actually matters until it’s gone.
Put yourself to the grindstone and hammer and forge yourself into a greater weapon.

I felt cheated by women because the ones I wanted could never want me, and those that wanted me, I could never.
But that’s only to tell myself how much I actually wanted it on my terms.

Now you just need a plan and a strategy. Hopefully having developed and continue to develop a growth mindset.

>>21855385
>I felt cheated by women because the ones I wanted could never want me, and those that wanted me, I could never.
I feel the same and I cope by saying to myself that it wasnt meant to happen by a higher power.
>plan and a strategy
if only I knew a way to come up with this. everything just seem pointless because of possible death at any given moment.

>>21855411
Think on it, don’t turn to despair so quickly.
You’ll need to train and condition your mind and soul as muscle and bone do for physical strength.

Take your time, discover everything. Put it all together.

>>21855385
>But doesn’t Musk seem desperate for the approval of people
Yes. I would guess he struggles a lot with identity. A bad spot to be in for someone so influential

>>21855411
It is not dying that frightens us.

It's living without ever
having done our best.

Also watch the new Castlevania cartoon for more peak conceptions.

>>21855463
>>21855475
I want to try but I dont know how.

>>21855385
Props for spreading the good word of hammer and chisel.