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/lit/ - Literature

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2266165

Original Content Poetry Thread sage !ccqXAQxUxI Mon Dec 19 15:26:37 2011 No.2266165 [DELETED]

[DELETED]

[Reply] [Original]

Here, is something I wrote awhile back after a good friend of mine overdosed on heroin...
Of course out of that I experemented with that but it's not like that's relevant...

But here you are, I'm open to critique.
Some grope for sage words but they just manage

To spill more coffee than any wisdom

On the white-ish smudged plastic’s tabletop

While blovulating about God vaguely

But this biker attempts to talk sense instead.
Here sit some battered, fried birds in this room,

(One very mashed potato ashes his cigarette

With superquickflick of a yellowed thumb)

Who couldn’t cure with the hair of the dog,

What the treacherous mutt had fiercely bit.
Someone please lay their healing hands on me,

I was an atheist ‘til this morning,

I woke up and while I was vomiting

I decided to trade in pill-formed poppies,

To anyone who can offer a sound sort of sleep:
A sound sort of sleep with only bored dreams.

A sound sort of sleep with simple bored dreams.

A sound sort of sleep with boredom’s dull dreams.

A sound sort of sleep with doldrums for dreams.

A sort of sound sleep with humdrum-lulled dreams.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:27:36 2011 No.2266166 I wanted to fuck I wanted to be sucked but I got fucked and had to suck

>>	sage !ccqXAQxUxI Mon Dec 19 15:29:35 2011 No.2266169 >>2266166 Thank you for your contribution. I rather enjoyed your rhyme scheme.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:34:35 2011 No.2266176 >>2266169 Thank you. I thought your poem was rather shitty.

>>

Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:34:35 2011 No.2266177

>>2266165
I like your poem OP. I read it and got the feeling that it would be worth coming back to and reading again, to try to understand more. It's unusual for /lit/'s poets to leave me wanting more. The repetition at the end is effective too. Do you have a blog or anything?

>>

Behemoth, Leftenant of the Grammar Nazi Party !!Twl3DmqEY/B Mon Dec 19 15:37:35 2011 No.2266181

Thanks for stealing my poem, OP. It's too bad the edited, polished version, which is only the first section of a 12-part poem, is already slated to be published in March.

Which is the real problem of the plagiarist: you can steal it, but the creator can always make more.

>>

sage !ccqXAQxUxI Mon Dec 19 15:38:35 2011 No.2266183

>>2266177
Actually I don't.

Another poem... (written a few weeks ago)

notes of galled pianos,
plucking harmonies
from clamoring thickets;
tangled honeysuckle
and caramel-rayed spigots
quickly dilate-

like progressions always
ripping out the hearts of
swaying, winged reverie;
sudden ringing laughter,
ingrained in me, deeply,
as doubt does blur-

with finales to match,
or perhaps ripen to
a flowing unison;
reverberations of
your eyes always finespun,
and lost in octaves

>>	sage !ccqXAQxUxI Mon Dec 19 15:39:36 2011 No.2266184 >>2266181 Well, you are very welcome.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:40:35 2011 No.2266186 >>2266181 This guy here: >>2266181 I recognise it as your style now Behemoth. I hope you appreciate my compliments in any case. Also Behemoth, I want you to get a blog!

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:43:36 2011 No.2266188 A certain young lass named Jamie was thought to always be dainty But on one summer's eve She and a fella named Steve Each stuck their ass with each-other's pinky

>>

Lapse !9B4haB.InA Mon Dec 19 15:44:36 2011 No.2266190

Am I glad that I didn't use my tripcode.
Behemoth, I apologize.
It was not me posting,
Most likely it was that faggot who I reported multiple times for shitposting.

Again as the person who was posting as sage#sage 20 minutes ago I am sorry.

I fucking hate this board. I'm copping out.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:45:36 2011 No.2266191 Pedro comes from Argentina. He likes both the cunt and the wiener. But suck his big toe, and he'll cum white as snow, and leave a big mess for your cleaner.

>>	Anonymous Mon Dec 19 15:47:35 2011 No.2266192 There once was a treaty divine That fucked over the land of the Rhine Till along came an artist Who would try his hardest To kill all the Jews who were swine

>>

Person !.avztqSy6I Mon Dec 19 15:47:35 2011 No.2266193
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Today on the bus I listened to Matt and Kim.

on public transport i get depressed
so i put on upbeat music
today was matt and kim
i felt like i was at a loft party
in the nyc, but i wasn't
i was on a bus heading to
the KFC where i work.

>>	sage !ccqXAQxUxI Mon Dec 19 15:50:35 2011 No.2266196 No, Thank you for writing great stuff that I can steal