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/lit/ - Literature

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2572267 No.2572267 [Reply] [Original]

Italics substituted as >greentext OK?

part1, 1/2

>Lunge, stab, drag, drop.

One.

>Dodge, throw, lunge, stab, drag, drop.

Two.

>Move, quiet, hide, dodge, throw, lunge, stab, drag, drop.

Three.

You ever wonder if life is getting a bit … repetitive?

>Block, dodge, slice, stab, drag, drop.

… Four.

Repetitive or not, this is all you've got.

>Kill, hide the body, kill again. Will it ever stop?

You didn't sign up for this.

>Stab through the boy's shield as easily as a knife through butter and slice down through the skin muscle bone muscle skin -

Three years ago, the very idea of killing someone would have made you sick.

Two years ago, you realised the horrifying reality war brought as you gazed at the blood on your hands.

One year ago, you could count the number of monthly kills on a single hand.

Nowadays every finger has to count for ten.

>Silently drop down behind the unsuspecting man, and twist his head 180 degrees to the right.

Lather.

>Duck down underneath the wild swing and slam the serrated knife through his chest.

Rinse.

>Let the sword stab into your shoulder, so the soldier would be wide open for the knife to spill his innards onto the dusty ground.

Repeat.

>> No.2572268

part1, 2/2

But you can't stop caring, even after years of doing it. Fighting is the vitality of your life, you love it more than anything else.

>Except her.

But you hate killing.

>You care about them even as you cut them down. Your empathy stains through the emotionless façade you've bound it in.

>Why are you fighting me?

>People love you.

>You have a family.

>Go home and stay alive for them.

>Don't wage war on us.

>Stop seeding so much strife.

>There's no point to this never-ending cycle of murder.

You used to look forward to battle. Desperately wanted stronger opponents so you in turn would grow stronger.

>Stab, drag, drop.

Now you loathe the very blade you once cherished with all your heart.

But you can't just stop. Not while you are still alive to keep fighting. To keep killing. Your meaningless life isn't the only thing you are fighting for.

>Stop.

You can't help but murder again and again, even as a part of you dies alongside your latest victim.

>Stop…

Once upon a time, you believed you were invincible. Fighting, killing, it was all supposed to have come naturally along with your prowess.

>Stop!

Now you know better. And you will continue to understand further with each echoing step down the path of self-sacrifice edged with blood.

>STOP.

>> No.2572269

part2

A glimmering black knight leapt three squares forward and one left, displacing a red rook that vanished into crimson vapour.

A pawn stepped forward a square to block the opposing bishops path.

The obsidian bishop slid forward gracefully to take the consolation prize.

In turn, the crimson queen glided down the empty path to complete the coup.

"… Check."

Silence.

A pawn maneuvered into place only slowed the inevitable defeat.

"Oh? Nothing to say …?"

Silence.

The remaining shaded rook advanced.

The red-rusted queen claimed it for her own.

"Check, and mate."

Silence.

"This makes four in a row. Usually you would've won at least one by now."

Silence.

"Hmm?"

Silence.

"What's this? Since when have you been this quiet?"

Silence.

"If I knew that you were going to turn out to be this dull, I would've thought twice when you first came skulking here, divining for the secrets of power."

"… Apologies, master."

With a mutter of disgust, the chess board dissolved in a mist of energy that vanished in an instant.

"Get out of my sight, and don't return. Not until you've found your brain."

The figure stood up abruptly and spun, the cloak fluttering freely in the chilly night air. It disappeared into the shadows, leaving one remaining silhouette with its sight still locked on to where the board had been.

"… Apologies, master …"

One finger lazily traced a cold metallic blade.

>> No.2572273

I have a few more parts, however am thinking of revising them completely so won't post.

Thanks for reading as always, and critique? How2improve?

>> No.2572276
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2572276

>>2572273

I think you're trying too hard, friend. Learn subtlety

>> No.2572278

>>2572276
Fuuu, haha OK. But seriously, tell me how and where I'm going off the road.

>> No.2572279

This is the best think I have ever read. Are you magic? Can I touch your face?

>> No.2572282

>>2572278

I'd start by writing actual sentences and paragraphs and putting a great deal of thought into what you're trying to say and why. And, importantly, read a lot.

>> No.2572286

>>2572282
You probably wouldn't believe it but... I am very well read, haha. And I intended these pieces as part of a prologue-ish style of writing - I hadn't made that clear in the OP, sorry. But yes, the reason why I posted these and not actual paragraphs-of-actual-story etc was because these are by nature short. I'd have to cut up 1 small chapter into posts and posts and posts and posts etc to get it on this board.

>> No.2572288

>>2572286

Read more. It's never enough. It takes a great deal of time for your own style of prose to blossom

>> No.2572290

>>2572288
Yes, I know that, but please, critique of "Read more - it's never enough" is obvious and I know that already. I'm always working on it, lol.

>> No.2572291

Lists are boring. Lather rinse repeat doesn't even make sense outside of the 80s/90s action movie genre. Is the guy meant to be a hairdresser returned to his roots or something?