/lit/ - Literature

>>5156019
nice b8

no one writes this bad haha

>>5156032
If you can't intelligently critique something then don't critique at all.

>>5156043
some things are so bad they aren't even worth critiquing

sometimes it's better to just chuck it and start over

>>5156056
And sometimes when you have nothing but bad things to share with the world you're just a bad person. Why can't you be nice? You think its hard to be nice?

It's simple but efficient prose. The action is clear and the momentum steady. I don't like it, I wouldn't continue reading it, but I've read many opening pages to published books with this level of writing or worse. Good luck to you if you try to get it published through an actual publishing house. If you go the self route like you say, market yourself heavily.

>>5156064
>market yourself heavily.
Way ahead of you on that ;) (40k twitter followers)

Also, if you give a glance at most of the writing you find in Man Booker prize candidates you will find that the quality of writing is generally poorer than mine. I'm serious, go look up past candidates for the man booker prize.

>>5156076
I have. You're wrong.

>>5156019
An ingenious work representative of today's post-contemporary, irony-sick, diasporic millennials. Your masculine prose and bleak descriptions are reminiscent of the consuming habits of today's social media crazed twitter youth. Your paragraphs are barely sentences, your sentences are barely complete clauses.

A literal 8/10, I would actually read it.

The prose is simple, and the pacing is alright. However some sentences don't roll very well, such as the second sentence and the paragraph in which the dogs begin to wail. Overall, so far it's decent, and by all means could get better. I would continue on to the next page. 6.5/10, maybe a 7.

>>5156096
Thanks. Agreed.

>>5156097
How did that sentence not "roll" well?

>>5156076
While this might be true, you should not boast your own writing above others. It's rude and you sound arrogant.

>>5156019
It isn't awful, but it does feel like you're trying a little too hard. It's clear you've done some editing, but your style doesn't match well with some of those descriptors and similes you're using (they're a bit florid). There's also a fair number of poorly constructed sentences (grammatically) that impede smooth reading. Less is more in this case. This may be a personal prejudice, but I find that a confused/possibly hysterical female main character is a huge turnoff, as they're never written convincingly (or maybe confused women are just irritating as shit).

>>5156107
If it IS above others then what's the harming in saying it? Confidence is what sells. You think I'm going to spend my one life trying to keep other people feeling comfortable with themselves and downplay my own merits?

>>5156113
Pride is fine, overweening pride is distasteful, and makes you seem tacky.

>>5156111
Being the child of a woman I'm inclined to think I would know a thing or two about writing one. The similes are called back to in later passages which gives the entire novel an edge and feeling of being well structured and rewarding as you progress with it.

>>5156019
I'm confused, if the hurricane destroyed all life on the island why are Lea and the dogs still walking around? Are these ghosts? Are they on the mainland where the destruction was still bad but not as absolute? Or maybe you didn't mean the hurricane literally destroyed all life on the island but only metaphorically? Did the hurricane destroy their way of life? Are the islanders no longer entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?

Please respond.

>>5156113
It's ok to have pride in your work. What's not ok and makes you look like a fool is when you go waving your pride around and boasting how much better you are than others.

>>5156130
Read the book.

I don't like having the protagonist's thoughts injected directly into my own. It distances the reader instead of creating immersion, because you're telling me things instead of letting me make my own inferences. I'm already bored and uninterested. Cut more adjectives. Stop using fragments. Structure your paragraphs better; either add more substance (description) or combine them wherever you can.

>>5156131
My work is better than their work. I'm not proclaiming I'm a better person.

>>5156132
just tell me nigger I can't sleep on this shit

>>5156132
you're a prick. your writing is mediocre compared to most others and terrible overall. you're not going to win any prize, though you might get published. your book will be panned everywhere it isn't completely ignored. no one will remember you even exist a year after it's out. loser.

>>5156145
wow, you're real serious guy huh

Would not read. Sounds like you're trying to grab the audience too much through "Oh I wondered what happened to this town" when I don't really care about the town at all or this girl. The descriptions are good but the metaphors and characteristics sound too general and all-encompassing (like you're trying to get to deep life truths) before even telling me about you're story. It could clean up nice though.

>>5156136
Yeah... no.

>>5156141
Lets just say that the horrors of a traumatic experience reveal themselves in the most miraculous of ways thanks to the storm. ;)

>>5156150
fuck = you

so damn mysterious... so ominous...

>>5156145
I WILL get published, considering I'm SELF PUBLISHING IT.
I WILL win a few literary commendations because I trust in my abilities.
YOU WILL continue to be a jerk on the internet who nobody will remember years from now.

>every life on the island


and it's just downhill from there

>>5156158
>self publishing
so you've already been rejected everywhere then?

>>5156162
bacteria don't count don't be petty

>>5156138
Again, you miss the mark. Saying "My work is great! I like it!" is the just-fine kind of pride, however misguided you may or may not be in saying so. Saying "My work is great! Better than many others! These specifically!" is where it becomes aggressive hubris. In this situation, it is entirely without cause I assure you.

>>5156164
Actually no. Hobart was going to give me a deal but weren't willing to give me a decent enough cut and two-thousand upfront for living expenses.

>>5156177
Everybody in your same field is competition.

You know the best way to handle opponents? Cut them down.

>>5156124
Well then why don't you space them out, rather than cramming all of them onto the first page?

It's like a goddamn overstuffed burrito spilling all over.

>>5156187
you'll go far, kid

>>5156189
Then you get yourself a butter knife and fork, put a napkin(or bib in your case) on your lap and you take your time eating that burrito before you complain that you suck at eating it.

>>5156193
Further than you I am sure.

>>5156197
only a madman would put a bib on their lap

>>5156162

I laughed when I read that

>>5156019
>By morning, the hurricane had passed.
wow, two words in and already a superfluous comma. Self published material if I ever saw one.

>>5156019
I like it. Ignore the trolls.

>>5156197
You make a critique thread, but then when somebody critiques you, you either get defensive or act as if the critic is a fucking retard. If you are so sure this book is Jesus Christ, why even make this thread?

>>5156214
Why did you laugh?

>>5156230
countrpoints are fair game. This is a debate thread.

>>5156215
Its his style of writing. The comma represents a slight pause, let him be you dimwit.

>>5156187
I'm sure we all eagerly await your forthcoming teardown of every fiction writer living and dead.

>>5156233

Because it sounds stupid

>>5156233
No, it's a "rate my book" thread. You are a fucking pompous asshole. These people are giving opinions and advice and you're shitting all over it.

>>5156233
The word "counterpoint" presumes a point. "Nuh-uh " doesn't really meet that criteria.

>Reaching the point where you don't know if this is a poor troll or an elitist child has stumbled into /lit/

This is a painful place to be in, fuck you OP.

>>5156019
>hurricane
>kills all life on island
>still a living character on the island
>there is a lie in the first sentence

>>5156257
Oh I'm sorry, are you the OP? Its my thread, I made it, I say what it is. Its a debate thread for what appears to be a subversive literary work that IS going to be published and that I will find success from because I've already pulled those strings. I don't need proofreaders or any of that shit. I've already gone through those hoops. Don't think I need you.

>>5156282
this is priceless

you can't make up this shit

>>5156272
Its not a lie if you read the book and are able to put it into perspective you moron. Do you not understand how 1 page of a novel is only 1 piece of a larger puzzle?

>B
>drop cap

0/10 would not read into the trash it goes F- see me after class


p.s., if you're going to blow off legitimate criticism, you might as well just stop writing. You're a shit writer and the bloated self-pub market doesn't need another one.

>>5156282
You were sort of running a nice line there, but you just jumped it. You could have scaled that post back just a hair and kept us going. Good run, though!

>>5156282
You sure have a lot of faith in this book, my man. Post the title and an estimate of when I can expect to pick it up in Barnes & Noble. Not kidding. Your (over)abundant confidence demands it.

>>5156295
Think of the best hardasses in the history of literature; Your Doestovskys, your Hemingways, your Pynchons. Would they have given a fuck what some cretins with no lives on an imageboard would have had to say about their writing? You're a fucking joke compared to me. I have a trust fund. I have my own car and I can write a novel without having to worry if putting all of my time into it will impoverish me.

>>5156282
So you made a thread where everyone comes in to drop some criticism, just so you can deny that criticism because you think your writing is hot shit. Well, I'll give you one thing: it's shit.
If you want to make it in this market, take my advice: get over yourself.

>>5156310
2/10 trolling attempt (1 point is for effort), see me after class

>>5156308
Grand Dimes on River Bend

Est. Oct-Nov release on Amazon. I should have a site up by then so you can order direct.

>>5156310
Alright, now you're getting a little overzealous. Your "trolling" is becoming too obvious.

>>5156324
>Grand Dimes on River Bend
awful title. one of the worst ever. appalling.

>>5156324
>release on Amazon
Oh...I see. And I can expect this to be an exclusively digital release?

>>5156330
It makes sense when you read it.

I'll post the second page in a sex.

>>5156344
It will have a physical release

>>5156360
It's author is certainly masturbatory enough....

>>5156360
utter trash. the lowest filth. pure garbage.

>>5156360
it's boring and the prose is basically shit

i mean, if your audience is middle school children, then i guess this is fine?

>>5156360
This page has confirmed that this is a joke. I just had the most hilarious image of hundreds of starfish holding hands as they fell to their death. Thanks for the laugh OP.

>>5156378
I must confess I find these responses confusing. The second page is when the story begins to blossom, in my opinion. Every page, and I hold this to be true of any writer, is a story in its own right. It can channel elements of the page before it but it must contain elements that shift gears. I am absolutely sure I have done that here.

>>5156019
so how long have you been writing this? (and writing in general?)

>>5156360
>Drowned out everything, even its own sound
this LITERALLY makes no sense

>bobbed crazily
this is just weird, the storm is over, and bobbing is not something that is typically done in a particularly frenzied manner

>salt air
uh

>stepping into a whirling, warm cloud, swallowed by it, vanishing
nice tense consistency :^)

>rains
>as in literally multiple instances of rain
are you sure that's what you want

>stumbled and slogged through them, not seeing them
exactly how do you 'stumble' through 'deep trenches' without seeing them

???

also how the FUCK do you confuse starfish for tentacles or for human hands? that is just absurd beyond the limits of believability unless our protagonist is half-blind

>>5156389
No it isn't.

>>5156398
8 months writing this. Been writing my whole life.

>>5156391
Of course you think it's good, you wouldn't have fucking written it if you didn't think it was good, you goddamn idiot.

But your opinion of your own work is fucking irrelevant, because it's the most biased on there is. You don't ask people what they think of it and expect only to have that bias confirmed. You ask for other opinions to see if that bias is subverted.

>>5156404
please god no more!

>>5156391
what story?

>>5156404
>The arms so stiff.
Please stop. This. It is getting annoying. If the whole book is written like this, I would be annoyed. Very. Very annoyed.

>the first warm drop
The 'first' of what exactly? What about the second? The third?

>brushed it away with the palm of her hand
I challenge you to try that, brushing something away with the 'palm' of your hand. I'm pretty sure that's not how people typically brush things away.

too lazy to continue

>>5156404
please post more. Because of my horrible prose I've been studying prose myself. Your works easily highlight examples of what is bad in writing.

I've accepted this as a troll so don't bother responding to me, just post away.

>>5156404
>"Holy shit, it's raining blood!"

Have you considered a career in comedy?

>>5156404
>But how can the luck get any worse?

op have you tried publishing it at anywhere real?

wanna know how something with that quality of prose would go down for similar reasons as to why you think you are worthy of a man booker

>>5156457
dw didn't read thread thought it was for real

>>5156468
dw?

>>5156432
kek

seriously, op, this sucks

>>5156425
>>5156402

Is English your native language?

People here seem pretty provoked by OP's attitude, and for a good reason. The narrative is rushed, unedited and shallow, hardly justifying such a bravado. But I can see hints of a bigger idea and the will to tell it, which is the most important thing. Just keep in mind that writing is about constant evolution. If you think you're "ready" as an author, then your career is done before it even begins.

>>5156019
I'm trying to be constructive here.

I don't think dogs could give two shits about houses falling down. I've never heard dogs howl in the daytime and they only wail when they're hurt and trying to remove themselves from hurt. If a dog knew that a disaster had occurred it would be already looking for solutions and awaiting instruction rather than feeling sorry for themselves or anyone else.

Did the hurricane really destroy every building? That's a major fucking hurricane unless the houses were all made of straw. You're basically saying that humans now exist in a pure wasteland? Where were they sheltering and can't the shelters be considered buildings?

And what the fuck are the corpses accusing the living of? Turning all their fans on at the same time and causing the hurricane?

No clouds in the sky but the sky is hidden by dust. How do you know there are no clouds in the sky then?

>>5156076
>I'm shit but others are shitter

awesome dude

>>5156113
>Confidence is what sells
Not books it doesn't.

>>5156124
>called back to in later passages which gives the entire novel an edge and feeling of being well structured and rewarding as you progress with it
:^)

>this thread

>>5156187
>You know the best way to handle opponents? Cut them down.
You enjoying the summer holidays champ? Your mom said you were worried about moving up to high school, I just want you to know it'll be fine.

Also,

>don't stumble and fall off the edge of the earth, into the ragged piles of death

Gave me chills op, you should definitely publish this. Self-publishing, I can understand why. It's like tristam shandy, so brilliant it's only just for you to keep all the revenue.

>>5156203
>HOW DARE YOU FUCKING PLEBS INSULT ME IN MY OWN THREAD!!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!!! I STARTED THIS THREAD SO YOU COULD TELL ME HOW AWESOME I AM AND YOU HAVE FAILED LIKE THE AUTISTS YOU ARE!!!!

>>5156222
Thanks mom, I love you so much. Could you pick up some more diapers from the store?

>>5158889
You aren't me.

>>5156019
OP, never show anything to /lit/.

To determine how accurate /lit/ was at gauging talent, I posted five different Nabokov excerpts, five different Joyce excerpts, and five different Hemingway excerpts as my own writing in "critique" threads over a four month period. Yes, I am that sad. Three were spotted, and every single other one got negative feedback. In addition to that, I posted three Thomas Aquinas quotes, with minimum theology, as Richard Dawkins, and three Dawkins quotes, again, easy on the theology, from Kierkegaard. The three Aquinas ones were shot down as they were believed to be from Dawkins and two of the three Kierkegaard ones were praised and accepted. I have also created a quote and posted it as Louis-Ferdinand Céline, it was praised, and posted the same one a month later as Chuck Palahniuk and it was ridiculed.

The bottom line is, /lit/ is completely unable to discern any form of talent and has no coherent inter-subjective value system. The only thing they run on is cult of personality and board-specific social acceptance. Get your book published, submit a press release, then post the article on /lit/. You will have a roughly 25% reduction in negative posts. Unfortunately, as a new author you will never gain acceptance here, though you can post carefully selected excerpts of your work as a 1821 translation of an obscure German author, and acceptance can shoot up as high as 95%.

>>5156233
No it's a vanity thread, like your book is a vanity book being vanity published.

>>5158902
except this isn't an excerpt put in a misleading context, it's the full beginning of a finished book

>>5158902
Are you telling me you don't think it's shit?

>>5158913
It's the start of the second half of the The Lime Works by Thomas Bernhard. It won the Booker prize.

>>5156360
I'm 90% sure you're a troll now but if you're not I'd point out that people would have given you genuine criticism if you weren't a cunt.

>>5158918
we have the context and know the context it is in. i don't know why this is somehow less accurate than placing it in a context it isn't.

>>5156391
You've blown it wank stain, everyone knows.

>trust fund
>wouldn't give me $2000 for living expenses

>>5158898
requesting page 4

Hijacking this thread.

RATE MY BOOK

>>5158987
>>5158990
i like it

>>5158987
>>5158990
>>5158993

>>5158987
>>5158990
>>5158993
Garbage

>>5158999

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Rain_%28novel%29

It's this book.

>>5158998
Is this the man who is so obsessed with video game and niggerdeath blogger Antony Zyrmpas the he hacked Zyrmpas' website and retrieved his personal information and photograph of his passport?

>>5159622

Heh, I was actually thinking I should make a thread like this but post excerpts from a book that is critically acclaimed.

>R. L. Stine

No surprise this is shit.

>>5156404

>It's raining blood!

Well fucking played, OP.