/lit/ - Literature

>>5359054
Make the tech he wears not dull.

>>5359054

try satirizing conventional cyber-punk; i feel like that's the only way around writing dull sf prose

>>5359054
You could just say he got dressed then slowly describe the garments he's wearing throughout the rest of the prose.

>>5359073
I'm more into poetry, I'm trying to write more from that (imagery, metaphor, symbolism). I personally ended up hanging out with some junkies for months, and so I want to write about that but it's hard as a memoir so I'm going sci-fi.
>>5359066
I don't see any reason why he'd focus on the things he wears daily. It's almost as bad as having your character look in the mirror and describe himself.

>>5359082
I think that this is what I'll end up doing, I just have this strong image of him dressing slowly and ritualistically. Maybe I'll describe the form of the objects but not their function?

"and he put his trousers on but they weren't normal trousers they had GADGETS in them from the future (where he lives)"

>>5359091
Just say he dressed slowly and ritualistically and worry about describing the shit later.

>>5359054
If the gadgets are that important to the character and simultaneously that alien to the reader that you have to describe each one, perhaps you should give the concept a strong rethink.

>>5359096
I lol'd

Robert doesn't try to hold on to his dream before reaching for his lenses. He states at the ceiling, barren canvass and clear space for cortex projection. A red notification on his lenses tells the young monk to masturbate today, or be ready to clean his bedspread tomorrow. The gold tattoo on his neck has been measuring his heart rate and breath, and his cock is hard from the lost dream. He stands and makes his bed while he flicks his eyes "yes."

Images of writhing women like worms I a stream pour into his vision. They are alone in their rooms putting up their feeds for some extra credit, touching themselves for the electric eye. he tilts his head so the images project on the blank whiteness of the wall. He wets with his hand with water from the ceramic bowl stored beneath his bed and begins touching himself as he sits on the tiled floor. Their moans are unheard without his headphones so he listens to the throbbing hum of the city as his breath speeds. the algorithm which brought in the images of these women is a surgeon, removing them from the context so their gyrations happen out of the context of their lives. It is an imprecise machine, and while it recognizes The static face from a tapestry of the smugly smiling sun God, it edits away the face of one woman her eyes blinking in and out. there and gone. Twenty five pairs of eyes stare at him fills with feigned lust while gazing at nothing more than a beetle black artificial eye. He gasps for breath and shudders like a man shoved from the warmth of the hearth into the dead of winter. He dips a cloth in the bowl and cleans white information from his thigh.

>>5359054
As a fantasy fan(listfag here), I like when you give me important information in doses.
Have him dress normal(maybe describe one or a few things, eg. activating his thermal vest because he is in deep winter/ the humans in this futuristic world lose a large amount of body heat after they ejaculated and he wants to maintain a normal core temp, or w/e) but find some way to list what he is wearing and what it does as the book progresses.

DO NOT have them listed just before or as a major event is about to unfold, that is what you call Deus Ex Machina, stay away from that.

>>5359111
>misspellings
That's what I get for transcribing to my phone from my notebook without proof reading

>>5359054
Only mention each gadget when it is relevant. So you'd be like "he pulled the watchamajigger out of his coat pocket" and the reader will think "ah so this is a world with watchamajiggers"

>>5359111
Noice

It seems the consensus is to describe gadgets sparingly so as to not fool readers into thinking they've bought an advanced science booklet.

>>5359109
Part of the story is that the character is in an isolated community, so most people don't have the array of gadgets which he has. There will be room for him to talk about them and explain things to an outsider, but that's later in the story.
>>5359107
Word
>>5359116
I haven't written "genre fiction" since I was in high school, and I remember writing some pretty bad stuff

>>5359054
>How can I convey information about the tech that he wears without being dull?
Maybe have him think of it as extensions of himself?

>>5359054
What information do you want to convey? Why is it important that you tell us about these gadgets? It's very hard to answer a "how" question when you're not giving us the "what" and "why" behind it.

>>5359138
He was raised by a group of techno-monks and wearing things which extend the senses and allow simpler digital interface is part of their order

>>5359135
It's not necessary to get all this across so early and quickly. You should allow the reader to realise it as the story progresses.

>>5359054
first write the bit for someone wearing a ton of stuff in 1920s to deal with a harsh winter

then write the bit for someone wearing a ton of stuff now to go to a business meeting

then write it for your thing, make sure it's as natural and necessary as it was for the past two, mention only what's necessary and act like it's as normal as the winter gear

>>5359150
This is a good idea, thanks

>>5359134
>noice
Nice

>>5359135
>"genre fiction
Cyberpunk is "fantasy"
Just giving you a few ideas from my experiences in reading fiction dude.

>>5359213
Why do you say that?

>>5359143
How about, before he puts them on, you have him try to do something he'd normally be able to do with extended senses, or one of the monks try to contact him, and it doesn't work because he isn't wearing the thing that extends his senses or enables contact? So then he remembers that he's not wearing what he usually wears, and has to put that on and we are shown immediately what he is now able to do.

>>5359213
>>Cyberpunk is "fantasy"
Is English not your first language ?

>>5359240
Hi fiddlestick :^)

>>5359256
Hi carrot nose

make the order of two pieces of clothing important because of their function.

maybe his gloves have to go on before his coat because there's some kind of trigger (or catch or whatever, something that might snag or is unusually long) on the outside of his glove that would get caught on the inside of his sleeve if the gloves went on after the coat and had to be pulled down his arm?

only mention this particular thing while you're talking about the care he's taking in general. this introduces the idea of the gadgets without explicitly saying "there are fucking gadgets in here"

show, don't tell.

>>5359096

gold

>>5359240
No, it's my 14th

>>5359054
You could have him do a systems check as a morning routine if the technology is all integrated.

>>5359368
There's only one character in the scene, how should I avoid writing "he" over and over? It's been so long since I wrote prose

>>5359473
Internal monologue?

>>5359550
Not a terrible idea

>>5359553
Yes it is. It's a lazy way to convey a characters thoughts

>>5359560
Dune is pretty much the most iconic scifi ever and half of it is internal monologue which is why it is more or less unfilmable. It's also one of the few exemplars in the science fiction genre of good, serviceable prose. Like any literary device it's only lazy if you do it lazily and only shit if you make it shit.

Dummy

>bump because why not

>>5359054 you seem to be the cancer of cyberpunk.

>>5360382
Why do you think so

read American Psycho for a way to do it

>>5361631
I will definitely check that out, thanks

>>5362408
That's in the first person perspective, I sort of don't want that

>>5360724
>that pic
>"the main character masturbating before he dresses"
>"he dresses. His clothes are filled with gadgets, but I don't want his dressing ritual to be list-like. How can I convey information about the tech that he wears"
You seem to be thinking of cyberpunk in this way: https://i.imgur.com/DkUpd.jpg

If you're really not trolling at least follow the advice of >>5359073 and imitate Snow Crash so I don't accidently get my hands on your crappy book.
I just wish there was a category of their own for these books instead of polluting / degrading the cyberpunk genre.

>>5362586
The main thrust of the story is that there are data junkies addicted to a pill which allows them to directly interact with the net, drawing conclusions they can't quite hold on to. it's entertainment and spiritual fulfillment at once, however the net is polluted by decades of garbage. The techno-monks have a purified network with nearly completely pure information, and they want the protagonist to steal a copy of it while also getting him addicted to the info drug

is cyber punk even relevant anymore?

>>5362611
I guess "augmented fiction" would be a more relevant title

>>5362616
Wiki calls The Diamond Age post cyber-punk.

>>5359116
>that is what you call Deus Ex Machina
No, it's not.

>>5359054

>I'm writing a cyberpunk story

>>5362624
>post-x
this shit irks me so much
can't they come up with something else?

>>5362631
He also thinks cyberpunk is fantasy

>>5362633
>>hang out with punks
>interested in cybernetics
Why is this unbelievable

>>5362652
Because all fiction is sort of melting into one thing. The lines are so blurred now.

>>5362669

It's just another shitty niche drama that relies on gimmicks instead of actual original ideas.

>hey guise lets write a story that's sort of like Pride and Prejudice
>but with ROBOTS AND HOVERBIKES LOLOLOLOLOL

>>5359054
You have to go full hard SF. People will forgive you listing things if the things you're listing are interesting.

>>5362703
It's hard to write about addiction in a realistic setting, it's not something people want to read or talk about

>>5362669
Ignore him. He can't look past genre labels or communicate without memes.

>>5362703
to be fair a lot of early cyber-punk is just pulp crime noir fiction.

>>5362719

That's a pretty silly excuse tbh. People love to read about dark stuff. I'd almost hazard to say you're cheapening the experience by adding in SF elements, and I say that as someone who loves SF

>>5362604 Well not as bad as I imagined it to be. Not sure if the pic in the OP was meant to be some kind of "funny" satirization then. Anyway for the plot: it sounds like you've been stuck in time in the 80's. It's 2014. The net is not some kind of city of visible information that is consumed in a drug like fashion etc.
Read a more recent cyberpunk book that might give you better inspirations.
You could still incorporate neuro augmentations and also issue the abundance & filtering of information and psycho-socio impacts of the information age and so while being way more realistic and most importantly in track with time.
But I really suggest you don't.

>>5362926
The drug has weak nanites which work a bit like LSD, logical leaps using networked information. At the peak it sends the user into a transcendental state/seizure where every event in their life has been leading to that moment, all the coincidences are highlighted and shown in depth.

I couldn't find any good photos. Think that's the reason for the hostile response?

>>5362719
>It's hard to write about addiction in a realistic setting

Nobody says that you need to write in a realistic setting, but genre fiction is formulaic by design.

>>5363110
Give me the formula then

>>5363310

>protagonist lives in evil dystopia
>protagonist is the only one who can solve the problem/free everyone
>protagonist falls in with a mentor and a ragtag gang of contrarians
>problem is solved
>protagonist gets da pusi

>>5359091
i like the choice to have him masturbating before putting on all of this future gear. if i were you, i'd give him a reason to notice his gear. it can be ritualistic up until a point (listlike) and then say he pricked his finger on a sharp point or he realized something wasn't working and suddenly it dawned on him that all of the shit he was decking himself out with looked ridiculous.

>>5359054

>not opening with him strapped into a VR suit fucking his virtual waifu

Come on man

>>5363698
That's dumb though

make the main character a girl and have the entire book be about her addiction to masturbating for "the electric eye"

>>5362604

Sounds kind of like Drouds from Larry Niven's known space stuff. Seriously, >>5362586 has it right, check out some Snow Crash or read just the first 3 chapters of The Diamond Age, and you will have nearly all the source material you need.

>>5364301
Why do I want 30 year old source material? They didn't know how the net would effect us

I never asked for this

>>5364397
Worst example of cyberpunk.

More the exact opposite of cyberpunk, tbh

>>5364430
HR isn't cyberpunk and I'm gonna guess you haven't played the first game.

>>5364248

Yes it is dumb. Which is why you should avoid reading/writing shitty genre fiction

>>5365079
I'm more of a poet than a writer, this is my attempt to do something different than my usual, like I said. That's not the story I want to tell. I want to show lives of people in a situation and how they struggle to deal with it

>>5364519
Couldn't beat the first level.

He referenced HR

>>5359054
pull an american psycho style list. do it again for every single character he encounters.

>he's wearing an IBM gigasweater XLR478, a much cheaper model than mine.