/lit/ - Literature

>>614950
>>rick

>>614950
BITCHES AND WHORES!

>fall in love with dickgirl

> That bitch won't listen to me.
> Become the handyman.
> Mistress says "Give me more daddy"
> Learn a lesson about marrying girls from Alabama because southern girls are humid and climatus
> Keep Hitting Bitches

Guess mine!

>Wake up
>Spend 4 hours rolling over
>Lose only source of income
>Shunned
>Apples
>Violins
>"It."
>Dead.

>>614966
The Country Doctor by Franz Kafka
Too easy

>Be bisexual, and the strongest motherfucker around in the army
>Boss steals my whore
>Get in a sulk
>They need me to save thier sorry ass
>Make a point, refuse to help
>My Boybitch goes and gets himself killed
>Kill every shit from here to Troy

>>614986
Sup Brad.

>>614971
I hope you are trolling me.

>>614966
>Violin-playing lolis.
Fixed for you, to be more accurate.

>>614998
lol'd

> be impotent, work as journalist
> fall in love with nymphomaniac bitch
> drink. a lot
> go to spain out of boredom.
> drink a lot more
> get punched by jew
> still impotent

>>615027
>> be impotent, work as journalist
Sun Also Rises.

>>Hate Big Brother
>>Have sex
>>Get tortured
>>Love Big Brother

>Become Green Beret
>Become PoW
>Come back from Veitnam
>Get shunned by fellow Americans
>Kill a bunch of cops
>Get shot in head

>>Get pregnant
>>Abort baby
>>Go fight on an alien planet
>>Baby is still alive
>>Die
>>Save baby's life
>>Baby saves universe

Meanwhile, in another dimension

>>Get fat
>>D&D
>>Lose weight
>>Watch tv
>>Beat up a dude

>>614950
the great gaytsby. lol

>>615053
It's First Blood

> be successful engineer
> survive planecrash
> meet young girl
> take her on round trip in europe
> girl dies
> find out it was your daughter

>>615072
way to spoil some book, asshole

> be student
> feel superior
> kill bitches
> feel confused
> repent
> feel awesome

>Join army, get sent to war
>Become gay
>Gay lover dies
>Get shellshock, become insensitive to everyone else
>Marry some Italian bitch I just meet
>Go back home
>Psychologist tries to fix me, I don't want him to
>Jump out of a window

>>615085
That's some Crime and Punishment up there.

> be drunken consul
> want to stop drinking
> drink
> want to stop drinking
> drink
.
.
.
> want to stop drinking
> drink
> get killed by fascists
> all in one day

>be a rich and beautiful girl in 19th century France
>get engaged
>engagement broke off
>get engaged again
>engagement broke off
>dress like a man and flee with a hot lesbian friend you're in love with
>be found out and made fun of
>don't give a damn
>be awesome

> suffer from mental breakdown
> talk to therapist
> everybody sucks, except sister
> get hated on by high-schoolers

>>615108

sup holden

> be moneyless artist in paris
> fuck a lot of girls
> bum a lot of stuff
> fuck some more girls
> see pedestrians in the street as sperm

> be young
> be an artist
> sniff around town
> baw. a lot.

>>614950
>meet stranded pilot in desert
>tell him trippy stories
>get bitten by snake
>die.

>female friend gets dumped by her pale ass boyfriend
>Make a move
>she totally digs me
>save her life
>she totally friend zones me when her BF comes back from Italy

Dont judge me

>take spice
>acquire prescience
>usurp intergalactic empire

>>615106
>hot lesbian french girls
I MUST READ THIS BOOK NOW

>drugs
>drugs
>drugs
>drugs
>drugs
>drugs
>discover that you've written a novel whilst on a lot of drugs.

>Be miserable
>Become rich
>Still miserable
>Fall in love
>My masterpiece is mocked!
>Go insane
>Locked in an asylum
>Teleported out of the asylum
>BY THE FUCKING DEVIL
>Love of my life tells me it's cool
>Hitch a ride to eternity with Satan

>meet shady guy on the train getting back home
>i'm poor so I'm being treated like shit. they must think i'm crazy too since all the bitches laugh at me
>meet gorgeous whore, I'd like to save her from her whorish ways
>turns out I'm rich but the bitch turns me down anyway
>shady guy buys her
>whore dumps shady guy, she comes to me but she dumps me too
>fucking whore, i look for her all over
>shady guy thinks i'm hiding something from him, feels really jealous
>shady guys tries to stab me in the chest
>what the fuck you -oh fuck it's a seIZasdasjkhdKAJhdkjahdkalhjksdhaklhdlsahauuqw234465

FUCKING EPILEPSY

>being a wizard is cool and all, I'm gonna find myself some circular ruins
>

>>615345
I lol'd

>>615268

>>marry my sister to seal the bloodline.
>>10,000 year reign as God Emperor.
>>keep cloning my dad's bff
>>manipulate everyone around me
>>u mad.jpg

>Sad fourteen year old boy
>get picked up by 30 year old nymphomaniac
>told to pilot giant robot
>beat up Angels coming from sky
>meet clone of mother
>Hot German girl is also interested in me.
>too self-centered to give two shits
>Fight some Angels
>Get over daddy complex
>Make out with German girl
>Get eaten by angels
>watch helplessly as girlfriend gets raped by Angels
>b'aww
>new guy in town
>become gay
>kill boyfriend
>Mindtrip
>Everyone says "congratulations" at the end.

>Being a wizard is cool and all
>I'm gonna sleep real tight in this circular ruins and create this guy from nothing
>I can't sleep anymore and this copy-dude is crap
>I fucked it up the first time, I'm gonna go step by step now
>BIG SUCCESS
>'Hey God of Fire, wouldja bring him to life?', I say.
>He said yes but only if him and I could tell him apart from other humans
>This new copy goes on living with humans in some temple
>I hear dude can't be harmed by fire and he's getting famous and shit.
>WTF he's doing, that's not what a human does
>I wake up.
>Oh fuck! Everything's on fire!!
>Wait a second, I'm not catching fire
>Everything is divided by 0.

>>614950
>Be a gifted Japanese student
>Go on a field trip with class
>Suddenly, gas out of fucking nowhere
>Wake up on an island, made to fight friends to death
>Get given one random weapon
>It's a fucking Bulletproof vest, shit's so cash
>Get strangled by the first person who is a threat

>SWIMMAN SWIMMAN SWIMMAN
>SWIMMAN SWIMMAN SWIMMAN
>SWIMMAN SWIMMAN SWIMMAN
>SOME OLD FUCK ATTACKS ME WITH A SPEAR
>DESTROY HIM
>SWIMMAN SWIMMAN SWIMMAN
>SWIMMAN SWIMMAN SWIMMAN

>>615392
Getting awfully Battle Royale in here...

>Life is boring
>Some bitch likes me
>"Tell me you love me!"
>I'm suddenly friends with a faggot
>Invites me to the beach
>I shoot an arab because of the sun
>They tell me that is bad
>Meh
>Meh
>I don't have time for God, Mr Priest, I'm going to die
>Fuck society, yo.

>>615106
Sup, Mlle. Danglars
>>615275
'Tis The Count of Monte Cristo, if ya didn't know. Totally brahsome book.

>>615405
Old Man and the Sea?

>>615405
LOL from old man and the sea?

>time is not linear
>zomg aliens

>>615465
The Stranger

>peet some moloko
>in-and-out some devotchka
>Tolchok a guy until he snuffs
>get thrown in the staja
>Get out 'normal', become depressed
>massive amounts of ultraviolence
>grow up.

>>615087
ooh, what is this?

>Rich, son of a duke.
>Learn how to control body by mother
>Pain
>More pain
>Suddenly space sandniggers
>Transcend space and time
>Become emperor of the galaxy
>imokaywiththis.jpg

>Chill out in woods.
>Meet hot chick.
>Take chick to meet your grandfather.
>Get pretty sword.
>Kill a dude and go through giant wall of death.
>Get tortured a lot, secretly like it.
>Kill dad.
>Commence books upon books of retarded philosophy.

I need more answers in this thread, because some of these sound awesome.

>Go to my antique dealer's home on Christmas Day
>Have him show me a mirror
>Kill the bastard
>Realize I don't know where he keeps his cash
>Holy shit some freaky guy who looks kind of like me starts talking to me (mirror significance etc...)
>He's actually the devil
>Philosophical Discussion
>Oh look, I just explored all the major themes of Crime And Punishment in less than 50 pages. Dostoevsky eat your heart out.

>>615534

God, I love Wizard's First Rule.

>>615072
I think I saw the movie of that

>Have the mental capacity of a 3-year-old.
>My favorite sister goes away for some reason.
>Keep hearing golfers calling her name.
>My mommy hates me.
>Chase some girls who look like my sister.
>Get my balls chopped off.
>Sadface.

>cheat my wife with a time-travelling girl in a cabin on a hill
>the girl saw a rabbit, a deer and me
>girl is actually my wife

>>615514
Clockwork Orange?

Good times.

>>615555
point out which ones you want answers from. I've been holding out on answers because I just assumed they were obvious

>>615576
wat is this?

>get sentenced with a crime
>have committed no crime
>confused/angry constantly
>lawyers and bureaucracy still accusing me and explain nothing
>I did nothing wrong! Why y'all hatin'?
>die

>>615599
Indeed

>>615027
The Sun Also Rises

>>615605
Only obvious to people who have read them.
>>614960
>>614986
>>615027
>>615053
>>615057
>>615087
>>615106
>>615116
>>615230
>>615304
>>615345
>>615530

>>615610
I love this.

>travel back to grandparents homeland
>meet people who can't speak English and collect shit
>fail to find much of anything
>write history of your grandparents anyway
>can't speak english guy's grandpa kills himself
>he's probably gay for me now
>myface.jpg

>>615610

The Idiot?

>>615610
The Trial, I presume?

>>615087
You should've gone to Clarissa's party, dude. You would've felt better. Lady has a way with throwing parties.

>Earth gets destroyed
>Meet two-headed bro
>Hilarity ensues

>>615377
Shinji dont be fgst

>>615672
Yeah The Trial, heh.

>Get a scholarship
>Go to school
>Get kicked out of school for driving some crazy-ass trustee around to the 'wrong places.' The hell was I supposed to know?
>Work at a paint factory
>Get kicked out of there. Douchebag Union getting all up in my grill
>Get inducted into a crazy ass cult
>Fuck this shit, I'm living underground, leeching all your electricities.
>Fuck yeah

>>615677

>Earth gets destroyed
>Get thrown out of a space ship
>get blown up'
>steal spaceship
>get stuck on prehistoric earth
>save universe
>meet girl
>loose girl
>make sandwiches
>get blown up again

and maybe

>Hang out with immortal beings
>watch some gods fight
>end up on beach

>Watch wife and children get exploded
>Sell everything, use money to create super awesome Meth Lab
>Decide against meth and make amazing virus to kill the bitches
>Put the virus on money and distribute it
>Go to Ireland to watch them suffer
>Spend months with people who know who I am
>Go on trial
>Go crazy during the trial
>Run around in the woods and become a fucking fairy tale
>Piss on an otherwise good story

>>615723
>>615701

What books are these??

>>615734

>>615723 The White Plague - Frank Herbert

>>615106
I should very much like to know what this is.

Please?

>>615764
someone said earlier that it was the Count of Monte Cristo.

>Can't wait to live the dream, nigga
>Fucking shit's weird, at least I have a job
>My whole fucking family is dying
>Socialism

>Leave my cave, I know I'm fucking smart
>Fucking idiots, I'm about to drop some wisdom all over their faces
>Don't fucking laugh at me
>Asshole falls off tight rope. Fucking ruined my metaphor, bro.
>Going back to my goddamn cave to become smarter.

>I'm a boring faggot
>I'm in a boring plot
>I'm in a ship with a bunch of boring faggots
>I learn a bunch of outdated fishing techniques in the process
>This book will surely make the reader want to kill himself

>>615883

You best not be talking about me

>>614949
HtTp.// AT ; Kimmòá : 53 / pS r€MóWe ÙR ILlE5À| [IÒnE ÓF àT ok <HrÍS+0pH€R P0oI3 Ü Ú5Iý sHít

>>615902
No sir, I am not.

>>615872
Zarathustra

>Survive some disaster
>Travel with boy
>Live on The Road
>Die

>>616019
The man

>Attend boring boarding school
>Have massive gay crush on best friend
>Spend entire pages describing the curves of his ass
>Push him out of a tree
>Feel shitty about that
>Be boring and dick around
>Best friend falls down stairs and breaks leg
>feel shitty about that
>go visit him, oh whoops he died from his broken leg
>Move on with life
>Visit old boarding school and mope

>>616056
Son of a bitch. I know I read this book, but I forget the title.

>>616056
A Seperate Peace

>Move to a rural town to live with your dad.
>Meet two amazing boys that both like you, and you're interested in them both in in different ways.
>After a lot of drama, choose one of them and live a happy life together and make a family.

>be awesome
>family gets killed
>see future
>fuck shit iup
>crazy shit happens

>Go to a shitty party and fail at getting laid
>Go home and find out your friend bought shitty drugs from a black cosplayer
>Accidentally stab yourself with the needle
>Hallucinate at work
>Get investigated as a murder suspect
>Go to Las Vegas with your friend and some jerks from the party
>Shoot one of them in the back
>Ruin a party some cultists are having
>Forget the next six months of your life
>Wake up rich

>>616103
We already did that one like five times

>>616092
Oh hi Jane. I didn't know it was you.

>Saved from death by omni-present AI
>AI digitizes everyone.
>Have fun letting people torture and kill me, since I can't die anymore.
>Confront AI creator about how shitty cyberlife is.
>Universe ends.

oh wait... classics. Oh well.

>Be lonely middle class passionless Japanese person without direction
>Enjoy Western art and culture
>Some weird shit happens for no reason
>Some weird shit stops for nebulous/unexplained reasons
>Come to vague realization about life
>End

>>616143
Drill a hole in my head?

>>616143
Every main character in Murakami's books?

>>616056
I'm >>616073, and I still want to know what this book is....

>>616182

The person after you got it right

>>615027
> be impotent, work as journalist
> fall in love with nymphomaniac bitch
> drink. a lot
> go to spain out of boredom.
> drink a lot more
> get punched by jew
> still impotent

This is Homage to Catalonia, isn't it?

>>615268
>take spice
>acquire prescience
>usurp intergalactic empire
This would be WS Burrough's /Cities of the Red Night/.

>>615057

What's this one?

>>616109
No you didn't. You did God Emperor of Dune once, and didn't do Dune.

>Fail to fulfill destiny
>Get blinded by nuclear weapon
>Fail to stop wife's death
>Kill the shit out of assassin looking through baby son's eyes
>Poor writing/Must stop/Poor writing/Must stop section
>Walk into the desert

>>616218
Excuse me? These are both Dune: >>615530, >>615268

>>616234
No, >>615268 is definitely Burroughs /Cities of the Red Night/.

>live in a pretty shit place my whole life
>go to the crazy fuck awesome place where my mom lived
>turns out it's a pretty shit place
>mom dies and no one cares
>everythings a metaphor
>have sex and kill myself

>>616247
Oooh! I know this one! House of Leaves?!

>>616247
gonna go with BNW

>Be a pretty cool christan dude, eh, not afraid of anything
>Get blamed for stealing the churches money
>friend sets me up
>get found guilty by a drawing of lots
>hate god
>thirty years later raise a loli and love god again

>live as orphan
>adopted by evil family
>random prince comes take to take away
>kill evil witches
>win house cup

No.

>>616105
Dude, he shot two of them.

>>616292
Yeah, but the one he shot in the head didn't die.

>>616298
He shot jim in the throat, it says the wigmonster did it, but it says his throat hung open like it was hit by a shotgun blast. Arnie mentions it later, and Dave has a flashback where he shoots him in the throat. I wasn't talking about John

>>615872

Allegory of the Cave?

>>616254
Heeeyy, I see it now.


I like this thread. <3

>>616308
I only covered the first story arc. The rest is left as an exercise to the reader.

>>615345
The Idiot btw

>>616329
Oh fine.

> A screaming comes across the sky...
> giant gland lol wut
> pavlov lol wut
> sex lol wut
> [700 pages of lol wut]
> drugs lol wut
> black nazis lol wut
> hansel and gretel lol wut
> lol wut

>>616337
Gravity's Rainbow, you forgot the poop eating.

>>616329
You neglected to mention the turkey monster.
Unquestionably the best part of the book.

>>616092

I see what you did there.

>>616341

Tried to anyway.

>>615057

Anyone? Kinda curious.

>Nothing
>Week of making my own world
>Let some bums live in my garden
>Kick their asses out
>Other misc. shit happens that no one really cares about
>I impregnate a virgin
>Fucking virgins, how do they work?
>My son is awesome and born
>Gets steamrolled by the fucking Romans
>His was the drill that pierced the heavens for all them bitches
>They begin to die
>I judge
>Their fate
>People fight over how cool I may or may not be
>Life goes on, the world continues to turn

>>616376
I love Old Testament God. He was quite the douche.

>>614947
FiGHT Th3 |ñTern€+ c€n$0RsHÌp hT+P:// Á+ , K|mmoA : 5€ / FI5hT +He Ìn+ernET <3nsÓR$HÌP

>ashes
>gray
>ashes
>cannibalism
>ashes
>indifference
>gray
>hungry
>ashes
>get shot by bow and arrow nigger
>shoot back with flare gun, lol
>gray
>dead
>ashes

>>614946
Fìght THE |ñterñ€T c€NSorSh|P htTp,// ÁT : KImM0A , Se / fÌ5H+ THE inT3rñEt <ensor5Hìp

>>615607
Little (ok REALLY) late but it was Markheim, a short story by Robert Louis Stevenson.

F|gHT tH3 in+€Rn3t CEn$Ór$HíP HTtp,// @+ . KiMMoa : sE / fíGH+ ThE ínt€Rnet C3N$ór5Hip

>>614947
fìGHt TH3 Int3RñEt <EnSor5hIP Ht+p;// À+ ; KImmòa ; se / fÍ5hT Th3 ÌNTERn3T <EñSORshìp

>>614949
FIGHt +H3 |NTERN3T <€ñSóR5HíP httP,// @+ , KÌmmÒá . S€ / Fìght +HE In+€rNeT C3ñ5ÒR$HíP

>>616496
The Stranger
>>616019
>>615465
Both of these are The Road. . I believe.

>>616105
JOHN DIES AT THE END
And you ommited the "Fight nebulous demon lord in video game setting" part.

>eat a cookie
>reminisce for another eleventy billion pages.

>>615701
Invisible Man!

f|ght the ìN+erNet cen5Or$HìP H++p,// ÁT , kIMmóÁ . 5e / F|5HT +hE ÍN+ErN3t <eñS0R5HíP

>>616629
And the part about how every goddamn scene after the party had demons involved

>>614946
fìGHT THe íNTErneT [eñsòrShIP HttP,// ÁT , kìMM0á . S€ / Fi5HT +h3 iNtErñet ceñ5Or$H|P

>>614949
fÌGhT tHe ÍNteRn€+ <€NS0rSHìP hT+P.// @+ . kImMoÀ . SE / FiGhT Th3 IntErN3+ Ceñ5Or5HIp

>>615883

You said nothing of the dog. :(

>Feel depressed
>Meet savage
>Homo-eroticism
>Join boat
>MARINE BIOLOGY
>Disappear from narrative
>MORE MARINE BIOLOGY
>Sperm is awesome
>Everyone else dies

>>617262
Heart of Darkness?

>>615610
Thought this one was The Trial.

>totally gay, dad hates it.
>get sent to school, hook up with wizard.
>he dies, I become a wizard.
>Get godly horse.
>I'm one badass wizard.
>Train with fags who love owls.
>Fight off legions of demons while all my friends get killed.
>Sacrifice myself to make a bigass bubble.

>>617319
The play "Equus"?

>>617326
No but that's kind of funny.
Ahhhhh shit I didn't catch the Classics part in the thread title. Sorry. It's just a fantasy series.

>>615595
I'd like to know the answer for this one.

>>615072
Homo Faber

>At peace in my island
>oh shit Wizards what the fuck run
>oh shit China-like place what the fuck run
>oh shit Rebels what the fuck run
>oh shit oh shit oh shit I'm gonna DIE
>oh shit Awesome Old Men what the fuck run
>oh shit terracota robots what the fuck... fight
>living the dream

>>615304
Thats the Master from Master and Margarita by Bulgakov

>>617473
Big trouble in little china.

>Read a lot of books
>Read even more books
>Sell everything for more books
>File missing
>What time is it? ADVENTURE TIME!
>File Missing
>Even more files missing
>Oh fuck, I've been doing WHAT all this time?
>Harsh return to reality and inevitable and miserable death

>Be raised by a gang of thieves
>Get hired as a maid for a really strange girl in a really strange house
>Lesbianism ensues
>Try to decieve strange girl
>Get decieved yourself
>Bedlam house tiem
>Find out the truth about your mother
>Some tragic shit happens
>Lve with the strange girl happily ever after

>Locked in a tower, life fucking sucks
>Still locked
>Why the fuck am I even here?
>Suddenly I am King? Nah, I'm trippin' let's get CRAZY
>Yup, just like I thought, back in the fucking tower
>Fucking dreams
>Oh wait it wasn't a dream got trolled all my life lol

>>615116
sounds like every second Henry Miller book

>>615150
is that The Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man?

>>617482
Pippi Longstocking. Definitely.

> Mom dies, don't care
> Shot guy, don't care
> Sentenced to death, don't care

>>614950

He was shot by Wilson you fucking idiot

>come home to visit brother
>expect brother to be a fat digusting neckbeard like last time
>he's a super athlete
>what
>he's also part of a cult that worships some drifter as the Emperor of America
>WHAT

>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george
>Tell me about the rabbits george

>Kill Caesar
>Regret it
>Die

>>618128
VI Lenin's biography?

>>618126
（　≖‿≖）

>>618096
Ahhhh, 'The Stranger' :)

>>618126
manlytears.jpg

>Have three feet long penis
>Get gay with a savage
>Savage dies
>Find herb of immortality
>FAIL

>>618431
Sup Gil? I liked you better in Girl Genius.

>Go to Greece
>Meet a strange guy
>Meet strange twins
>Get trolled IRL like no fucking tomorrow
>Become a pussy

>>618481
lol The Magus

>>618506
'Tis so.:)
>Fuck the civil war
>Cure the wrong guy
>Become a slave
>Become a pirate
>Be fucking awesome and made of win

>>618090
It was 'Fingersmith', by Sarah Waters. But close, lol .

>>615052
Its brave New World right?

Not a classic, but one of my favorite books.

>be a servant in a household along with my two bros in 17th century England
>kill a dude for kicks, throw him in the quarry
>bitches drain the goddamn quarry, corpse discovered
>play with corpse
>get blamed for corpse
>run away with lil' bro and new wife
>rape wife, injure brother, leave them both for dead
>accidentally join army, make a friend
>cowardice
>latent jealous homosexual paranoia
>voice in my goddamn head
>defect with friend, shack up with him and his aunt
>molest him when I think he's sleeping
>urinate on a printing press
>relationship with friend is tense
>tooth rots out of my head, putrid black blood everywhere
>full-blown homosexual affair with friend
>wonder if his aunt can hear us fucking
>loverboy is a goddamn commie
>goddamn voice in my head
>rape loverboy
>join loverboy in founding his socialist paradise colony
>brother shows up with wife, bitch pretends she doesn't know me
>loverboy won't fucking put out
>goddamn voice in my head
>intentionally get everyone killed
>regret everything
>get on a boat the fuck away from there
>goddamn voice in my head
>goddamn voice in my head
>goddamn voice

>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>read first chapter of book
>get married
>finish a fucking book for once.

>Born in France
>Get Married, Divorced
>Move to US
>Move in as a tutor
>Fall in love with your student
>Kill her mother, who you recently married
>She disappears
>She was taken by a pornographer
>Kill Pornographer
>She dies
>Die

Would someone please say what ANY of these are? I'm terribly curious (and apparently very poorly read.)
>>618541
>>618109
>>617488
>>617482
>>617262
>>615723
>>615713
>>615610
>>615576
>>615530
>>615345
>>615304
>>615087
>>615057
>>615053
>>614986

>>618512
That sounds like Captain motherfucking Blood to me.

>>618557
Why, yes, good sir! I declare you a winner.

>>618555

>>617482 is 'The Fingersmith', by Sarah Waters.

>>615530
'Dune'! How come I failed to spot it before?

>>618555
>>618541 is As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann.

>>im a pretty ugly kid
>>i grow into this pretty ugly woman
>>i meet this pretty ugly man
>>bitch attempts to kill me with fire
>>ugly man goes blind
>>they live happily ever after

>>618573
Must be a long one, lol.

>>618584
Something like 600 pages, as I recall. Pretty dense reading too, which was interesting considering the materiel.

>Put on plays about my parent's shitty marriage at school
>Mom disappears under suspicious situations
>New kid comes to school, become friends
>Name ourselves after extinct animals
>Watch a lot of CP and snuff films
>Fall in love with little girl from CP
>Get sent to a crappy college because I can't SCIENCE
>Old friend who can SCIENCE hires me so I don't have to live in shitty city
>Girl from CP is grown up and dating old friend
>Bang friend's gf while she fondly remembers being forced into CP
>Old friend is making a super-race of people
>Old friend puts a super-virus in sexual enhancement drugs everyone takes
>Apocalypse leaves only me, genetically engineered animals, and my friend's super-race
>Go crazy, make up religion for super-race based on asshole friend and CP girl.

>>618681
oh my, what is this?

>NIGGA I CREATED ALL THIS SHIT
>FUCKIN BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME
>OR ELSE U DIE FOREVER

>>618681
After three or four lines this seemed vaguely familiar. And then when I got to
>Old friend who can SCIENCE hires me so I don't have to live in shitty city
I was like HOLY SHIT ORYX AND CRAKE

Honestly, other than the fact that Snowman was in love with Oryx, I though that book was pretty homosex. I kept waiting for Crake to fall over and catch his dick in Snowman's ass.

>>618697
Yeah... Especially since he didn't seem to have much interest in Oryx, even though she was bangin' hot.

>get dressed up like a girl as a kid
>have men tell you you're beautiful
>sleep with one
>become terrified that you're homosexual
>start hating Jews to redefine your identity
>become a fascist
>join a gang that beats up immigrants
>look in a stationary shop mirror and decide to grow a moustache

moar

>Dad dies
>both little brothers die
>Mom and older brother die
>Only girl I loved dies
>Mentor/good friend dies
>my friend is really fat

>>618693
The Bible

>>618817
Shit, I meant
> Step mom and older brother die

>War is boring as fuck
>Hot English nurse
>Fuck, I've been bombed
>brb, deserting to Switzerland
>She dies anyway wtf

>>618833
Farewell to Arms

Is it bad if i can't recognize any of these? :/

>>618854
yes.

>Everything sucks
>I suck
>Here's why
>Now, for a short story about my shitty life

>>615381

Fuck yearh that's my favorite Borges story.

>>617262
thats moby dick
>>615713
hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
>>615610
the trial by kafka

>>617319
Last Herald Mage by Mercedes Lackey

>challenge some dude to a duel
>meet at duel to find two of my bros
>suddenly ambushed by some douche's guards
>bros, dude, and me kick their asses
>dude becomes a bro
>do some shit for some bitchy queen
>get drunk
>have sex
>overall debauchery
>kill some dudes
>some bitch is evil and the former wife of one of the bros
>kill some more dudes
>more sex
>getting drunk
>kill the evil bitch
>be bros
>all for one and all that bros stuff

> French people are the worst
> WW1 sucks i'm going to Africa
> Africa sucks i'm going to the US
> US sucks i'm going back to France
> Everything is shit and misery

>uncle and mom married after dad dies
>father's ghost tells me to do some crazy ass shit to get revenge against uncle
>tell girlfriend to go to a nunnery
>hold a play which reenacts father's death
>make trollface as uncle freaks out
>kill some lackey of uncle
>hang out with pirates
>find out girlfriend is dead, brother wants to duel
>duel
>watch mom die after drinking some wine
>get stabbed
>watch brother die
>stab uncle then die
>die

>>622180
journey to the end of the night

>>622199
King Lear?

>>622241
You fail Shakespeare.

>>622199
Clearly some Hamlet up in here.

>>622248
>Implying I was serious.

>Rich ex dies
>Fuck your lawyer
>See weird play with weird parallels to the story
>Discover centuries-old secret society
>Which may be all in your head
>Or not
>Drive around California for a while
>Everyone you know dies, takes drugs, or leaves
>Unclear ending

>captured by Germans
>sent to prison
>FUCKING BOMBS
>alien zoo
>sex
>time travel
>see death
>FUCKING ALIENS

>Rich ex dies
>Fuck my lawyer
>See weird play with weird parallels to the story
>Discover centuries-old secret society
>Which may be all in my head
>Or not
>Drive around California for a while
>All my friends die or crazy
>Unclear ending

Hey >>622288 ,
>>615479 beat you to it.

>go to boarding school
>hate everyone
>get kicked out
>go to new york
>try to drink a lot. and fail.
>hire hooker, pimp fucks me up
>I still hate everyone

>>622333
Someone gave up halfway through.

>Average British guy.
>House getting demolished.
>Earth gets demolished.
>Hitch a ride with a friend on a UFO.
>Have wacky and improbable adventures in outer space.

If you don't get this, an hero.

>Meet soldier about to go to war
>Lead him on
>Marry some other guy after he leaves
>Meet him again years later
>Lead him on
>Ditch the scene after he gets killed because of you

>>622390
HhGG.

>>614971

It may be Metamorphosis. Same author

>be retarded
>have operation to become a genius
>revert to being retarded

>Move to US
>Work at Tutor
>Raep student
>Student dissappears
>Kill Child Pornographer
>Student Die
>Die

+1 internets to whoever gets this.

>Internship at New York
>Secretly miserable and depressed
>Afraid to get married because being married meant giving up everything
>Develop insomnia
>ECT fails
>Attempt suicide
>Committed to an institution
>Lose virginity
>Most likely readmitted back into society
>imokaywiththis.jpg

>>622455
The Bell Jar.

>>622437
Lolita?

>>615595
No one's answered this one correctly yet

>>615057

Still can't get this one. Anyone?

>start Buddhism
>hate the Hindi gods and wage war against them
>die repeatedly yet still come back
>fuck them over and win in the end
>be a fucking awesome guy all around

>>622436

Flowers for Algernon? It's been a while, but that sounds right.

No Country for Old Men, I like Cormac McCarthy, but hated this book.

Its the Great Gatsby.

<greentext>
Bug guy getting married
Talk about how I tripped balls and killed a bird
Wear bird as a curse
Feelsbadman.jpg

>> Be a bourgeois Russian dude.
>> Somehow injure kidneys while trying to fix the curtains.
>> Complain a lot.
>> Stop complaining.
>> Die.

>>615288
fear and loathing in las vagas

>>615265
did you just "new moon" our asses? get out of /lit/

>>615392
battle royal?

>>622304
The Crying of Lot 49

>>Read about un-named woman in dead father's journal.
>>Spend adult life attempting to gather info on her.

>Gotta leave prep school.
>Gotta leave this guy's house
>Gotta leave the bar.
>Gotta leave this gutshot feeling.
>Gotta leave my parents house.
>Gotta stop calling bitches.
>Gotta stop telling people anything.

>Drop out of school
>bum around town while complaining
>get whores
>complain
>bum around town some more.
>complain
>go see sister
>think about turning over a new leaf
>fuck it. Blame the world for my problems.

>meet girl
>watch girl get married to someone else
>harbor insane malice
>watch girl die
>manipulate and tyrannize everyone
>inherit everything
>chase ghosts
>die

>Leave equipment on subway.
>Leave the grippe and menthol smell.
>Leave Stradlater an essay.
>Leave Ackley to pick.
>Leave dorms making a bunch of noise.
>Leave the train thinking I'm flirting with some haufrau.
>Leave Sunny, the crumbum, after Maurice gutshots me.
>Leave phonebooths.
>Leave Phoebe Weatherfield's closet.
>Leave my childhood not sure what to think of my teacher much anymore.
>Do ducks leave in the winter?
>Leave telling you everything, and missing everyone.

>>623382
>>623379
>>623426
Holy wow, CATCHER-IN-THE-RYE-MIND.