/lit/ - Literature

Hell

>>9212093
Constantly going in circles and very erratic.
Also tends to get wrapped up in emotional loops

Heaven

>>9212093
Before meditation: craving, primal, pulled by various memories and thoughts
After meditation: lighter, more transparent, more relaxed, calmer

>>9212171
>meditation
Embrace Christ, anon.

>>9212093
I cannot stop thinking about farts

>>9212174

But I do like a few of Christ's teachings.

My diary desu

>>9212181
Cool.

>>9212174
>implying Christians can't meditate

>>9212174
no

>>9212185
they can't.
they can only pray.

a christian that meditates -in the real sense of the word- won't last long being christian.

t. own experience

>>9212191
>>9212190
>>9212185
>>9212184
>>9212181
>>9212180
>>9212174
>"""""""""""""""""""""god""""""""""""""""""""""

>>9212196
i do believe in God, though, i just don't believe jesus was anything more than a delusional rabble-rouser

>>9212196
>>9212201
Jesus = God
Repent!

>>9212205
>>9212201
Define God, then.

And prove God exists.

>>9212208
>define God
difficult.
>prove God exists
impossible.

Faith, anon.

>>9212208
lol, no

i'm not a christian and i couldn't care less about "converting" you to my way of thinking, nor do i have anything to prove

>>9212208
>Define God, then.
Some Jew guy from the Mojave desert or somethin.
> And prove God exists.
We got trees don't we? C'mon man use yo noggin, God gave it to you for a reason.
Ain't that hard....

>>9212205
How much for this Pepe?

>>9212233
a tenth of your annual earnings

>>9212245
heh

>>9212205
>Pope Peep da Turd

>>9212212
>Faith, anon.
lmao

>>9212212
>Faith, anon.
COPE

>>9212276
You're an ignorant twat.

t.atheist

>>9212310
nice name calling
*tips*

feel like i spend more time organizing my thoughts than actually learning new ones and thinking critical, constantly explaining things to myself so when I have to explain them to someone else I don't go full spaghetti

>>9212093
Constant pain but I feel a light at the end of the tunnel that's been there since my youth, so I just try and focus on that and see where it takes me.

Just fog, endless fog.

>>9212093
I don't know, I've never touched it.

>>9212093
Ive been studying for my math course finals for over a month now everyday and all i see is functions and numbers in my head I can't solve.
I have my lat exam in 30 mins which I eill mostlikely ealk out of after the first 10 min. because I know I'm going to fail this anyways.
I can't wait for this to be over and go back to things that are fun and free my mind.
I have already given up really.

>>9212730
well shit, anon, how was your exam?

Warm and squishy I assume

constantly invaded by voices who, at several times throughout the day, attempt to force the concept of pedohpilia down over me as if they want me to think I'm a pedophile.

I was playing with my niece the other day and then I felt a disturbance in my mind, i was just sitting idly and then It dawned on me that I had my nieces bottom in field of view. I thought something along the lines of "what's there to be found here, in this mental structure of my nieces ass" then I was given the thought "uh yeah that ass". Stunned I looked away, appalled by what had just gone through my mind. I searched every possible reason as to why I had just thought that.

It occurred to be to be the voices, trying to make me seem like I had pedophilic thoughts.

Then I realized that the severity of my reaction proved by itself, that I indeed isn't a pedophile.


So, the contents of my mind is, beyond the physical needs needing being met, eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping - one alteration though. I stopped masturbating. The voices in my head find that to be a terrible thing, masturbation that is.

I sorta relate to the voices in regards of them wanting me to stop masturbating.

I'm just way to fond of breasts, which I masturbate to excessively.

This hinders me in my daily life, as I can't look at the women I work with without contemplating the lush of their breasts.

So in recent days I've switched from thinking about pedophilia, due to my voices having guided me down this path.

Now I'm searching for the ultimate good. It's a guideline for mental behavior.
The way I see it there should be a go to guide for rebooting your mental faculties.
As if you could read a book, which tells you how to read it, in order to change the mind of the reader. Don't know if I'll ever find it though.
Well.. Best keep searching

that's a bit of me

>>9213321
Voices?
Schizofrenia then, dont forget your medication or you could end up hurting someone.

>>9212093
>tfw I realized that my conscious mind was nothing but the rubber-stamp bureaucrat of my uncoscious impulses when I was 16 years old
I'm going to read some Kant to see if I can worm my way out of this nihilism I've been stuck in for years.

>>9213321
Textbook schizophrenia

this maybe

>>9213458
>>9213467

that was kind of implicit though, but yeah.
It's textbook schizo. But then again schizophrenia is something you've got, not something you are.

>>9213458
I'll make sure to send you warm thoughts when I take my meds this evening

Like it's not entirely in my control, also I'm unhappy with the quality of it, I handled like an amateur for most of my life and no one ever told me how to do it propery, where can I get a new one?

>>9212093
Structured, united and well-organized.

>>9212438
>feel like i spend more time organizing my thoughts than actually learning new ones and thinking critical, constantly explaining things to myself so when I have to explain them to someone else I don't go full spaghetti.
This but dumber

>>9212174
Nigga you forgetting Francis of Assisi?

>tfw whe you're a complete sociopath with yourself

It's a strong AND a weak point.

>>9213480
>send you warm thoughts

>>9213321
listen to some music and internalize it. Listen to it in your head forcefully day and night until it defines your life, then do a 180 and listen to music of a different kind which should be slightly similar to but appreciably different from your initial music. Force yourself ot listento this new music and try chanign your patterns. YOu'll grow out of it.

>t. guy who used this to get over gfs

But this is risky, if you listen to those old songs again you'll get the old fellings again.

if life is a generalized space of some sort, my mind is the 2-topos of stacks from the life space to a category of thought - conscious interpretation of life is given by collections of functors, associating events with collections of thought, with a bit of structure to ensure consistent interpretation

when i think of my mind, i think of a white blob, swarming with points, with arrows beginning at the points and ending somewhere outside the blob

i like to think that on a fundamental level, interactions are given by purely category-theoretical laws and relations, and that the universe is a macroscopic manifestation of these rules

Sort of like this

Sometimes, my mind will go completely haywire and I keep "mentally hearing" things completely out of my control. It's usually a combination of screaming, various short pieces of music audio, all overlapping with eachother, snippets of non existing conversations (usually saying disparaging things about me) , edgy voices telling me to harm other people, and also random snippets from media I have recently consumed.

Does anybody else know this feel?

>>9213599
Man the guy is a schizo, he just needs his meds, that technique of yours wont help him.

depressive, paranoid, over-analytical, self aware, self hating. most of my day is spent going over all the things i am doing wrong or have done wrong in the past. i always feel completely stuck in my present with no chance of becoming happy or normal. i find it almost impossible to maintain friendships because i get too caught up in worrying about them and my actions towards them. i get jealous of and worried about platonic male friends very easily as if they were girlfriends. when i do drugs or drink i usually spiral into a night of self-analysis where i cannot shake the sense of being a fraud, like everything i do is premeditated and even my 'personality' comes from a constructed place.

to keep it /lit/, my mind is kind of like a badly written edgy stream of consciousness. i sometimes even write my thoughts out for an hour or so and produce just that in writing. it doesn't help any though.

>>9213067
not good. Gonna take a nice long sleep now and enjoy my (undeserved) time off now.

It feels like something that constantly tries to escape from the fear of death and solitude, but inevitably ends up fearing it and therefore fills itself up with videogames and school and sex and ends up too attached to them. I can get obsessed with a specific videogame for months, and then change. It's not healthy, I guess, but until recently I found God and the love of Jesus again. So I don't really know how to do everything now.

>>9213750
Yeah... You enjoyed/will enjoy Notes From the Underground, also try Pessoa.

>>9213750
everyone's a fucking fraud stop reading catcher/DFW/nu-sincerity bullshit.
once you realize that everybody puts on some sort of a front and the necessity of it in society, you'll stop fucking yourself over with pointless guilt-trips.
of course, nothing to the extreme is good, but some degree of pretense is essential to functioning and enjoyment. nobody's perfect and the world is a stage and everyones an actor or some shit, yup, total true fact.

>>9213662
one day you're gonna use DemocraCity and suck my dick, so fuck you

>>9213599
I will do this, thanks for sharing'

>>9213841
Why are you mad, shithead?

>>9213321
Sounds a lot like me except the pedo part. I would like to read more about your mind.

>>9212208
St. Thomas Aquinas does a great job. Why don't you read him and then deduce whether He exists or not.

mostly still squidgy though dry, and a bit brittle in places. thanks for asking *sips water*

>>9212174
>he doesn't know about Christian meditation
>he doesn't realize that prolonged periods of prayer serve the same function as meditation

>>9214034
>he doesn't realize that prolonged periods of prayer serve the same function as meditation
Way to show that you don't know shit about meditation. Christianity promises you an eternity of ego -how would a practice whose only objective is to eliminate the ego be Christian?

But I guess plain and simple logic don't work here: you've heard somewhere that a=o and that's the truth, period.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Still, for the most part. Mostly I feel a concept of 'mind' at the very top of my head. I swear I can feel thoughts zipping around at times though, like electricity, especially when I'm inspired.

>>9214167
I'm pretty sure I can feel the chemicals swirling in my brain, especially after working out. It may be nothing but an illusion, but still.

Slowly unraveling ever since I started doing lsd

There is no "mind", as some kind of static thing you can describe, like an object.

>>9212161
This is me.

>sleep deprived
>hate everything
Wew

>>9214355

>>9212245
>Cathocucks
EVERY TIME
LIKE HOW ARE TITHES REAL JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES NIGGA JUST WALK AWAY NIGGA FUCK THE POPE

>>9212233
Nothing!! :D
Here, have another helper

WHERE IS MY MIND

>>9212174
Prayer is a form of meditation, dumb ass. Fucking protestants don't know shit.

>>9212093

>>9212191
Gee I wonder why people who find inner enlightenment and peace with themselves would want to leave the religion of cuckoldry.

>>9216604
Actually anon meditation is a form of prayer.

>>9216604
Dirty protty dogs.

My mind is a comfortable place. I live there already, because I'm always talking to myself. God is there, too, since I'm always talking to him. It's a place filled with no small amount of wonder, because I'm always having things dredged up from the depths of my memory, and then I have to analyze those old memories, and why they've suddenly popped up, and how they relate to me as I currently exist.

I think constantly about my own thoughts. One of the reasons for this is because I don't want to lie to myself. I try always to be honest with myself about my own feelings and ideas.

>>9216828
Are you me?

Who here /tulpa/

troubled mostly by the trifectal problem of whether i am smart, delusional, or pretentious

Lately? Exhausted. I took a semester off of school and during that time my mind felt sharp and clear, I could maintain multiple complex lines of thought at the same time and was always coming up with interesting thoughts and realizations. Everything was clear, organized, energetic.

Now that I'm back in school, I can just barely maintain my attention span, and only for the most basic things. I tried reading some books, but I feel so mentally exhausted that I have to stop after just a few paragraphs. My mind is constantly struggling to just keeps tabs on what tasks I have to do for this week and when to do them, and anything beyond that and the task in front of me is just mind fog. Does anyone else feel this way?

Layered with anxiety which blankets the rest of my emotions that I can only see in retrospect. Constantly fighting old habits that prevent me from allowing myself to let things in.

>>9216604
See >>9214082 you fucking retard.
Your condescendence is hilarious, coming from such an ignorant twat.

It Feels ambiguous superficially insofar as it has faith in the idea of having faith in anything

but yet that ambiguity is still a source of words and ideas

I am still alive and that is not insignificant

significance is imbued in all things
when you divulge your experience of meaning you're accessing a realm of significance that is specific to its amplification properties

you amplify that essence of being by denying that principles by which it gains in meaning

sooooooo that's what you're doing
it is right and proper to do that
and you're within the spectrum of the possible like all of us, you're no error or mistake or improbability as far as the meta pattern of energy known as existing is concerned you're here with all of us, suffering or learning or learning through suffering like the rest

Hey now

This thread has me convinced to never take any advice from /lit/.

>>9217000
>taking advice from stangers on an anonymous image board in the first place

nice zeros btw

>>9216608

that's what you get for drinking cazadores

>>9216840
Perhaps.

Pretty good

>>9212212

Faith, anon.

>>9213522

So, what is this diagram all about?

>>9212093

Full of hopes and potential I am burning to explore. Knowing that my path is bnuilding slowly but steady infront of me gives me a feeling of security in everything I say or do, even tho, most of the time these things are obscure or inconcrete.I have much to learn and experience and I am ready to move every little stone lieng in my path to accomplish my tasts so I ultimatly become more than I am now.

I'm in a constant state of flux between purpose and hedonism that I cannot break. Often, my mind remains completely empty, devoid of ANY thought. These periods of mental silence scare me, make me feel inferior. I masturbate around 4 times a day, and then promise myself that I will get fit, stop fapping, start doing things; but I never do. I am brainless, purposeless, and subjected to a life of mediocrity.

>>9218417

Same.

You know what? Fuck this website. I'm out until I need a book recommendation. Thanks all.

>>9218472
Bye anon

>>9212093
Like a windowless box of mirrors and I'm the light source.

>>9213655
>screaming, various short pieces of music audio, all overlapping with eachother, snippets of non existing conversations

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Although I don't hear edgy voices telling me to harm people. Instead, whenever I am around people there are occasional obtrusive thoughts about harming them. It must be boredom though, I've never wanted to hurt anyone, or behave violently.

>>9212093
I have a really detailed internal monologue that seems to be almost entirely verbal, as if my head is a radio. Equally, I have very few inhibitions and almost no impulse control. This has made talking to almost anyone extremely easy. When I was a child, I used to write stories in my head, narrating my day. I've taken this up again for practice.

All of my most powerful memories are mainly colors and a specific emotion that I roughly associate to a time of my life. Most of my childhood memories are third person. If I've been high, or even sober, I struggle to separate memories from dreams from that of reality. I lucid dream almost every night but have no control over them and once I'm aware of the dream I will wake up in about seven minutes real time. I have no memory for numbers or normal details, but don't ever seem to forget the plot of a book or a philosophical or emotional message. My organizational abilities are terrible and I can feel a terrible vagueness in my mind like an early onset Alzheimers whenever I attempt a practical task. At the other side, I'm very sensitive to emotive ques and can easily pick out what triggers it and find relating emotional or philosophical concepts together very intuitive.

I have an extremely addictive personality. I feel there are a huge amount of contradictions in the way I think and behave. I think everyone is like this and the more contradictions you exhibit and are aware of the more developed you are as a person. Maybe this immature, but I can think of too many case studies.

Sometimes I'll look at something beautiful and know I'll never remember it accurately and it makes me treasure what I'm seeing with a feeling I'd would call love if I wasn't so afraid I'm incapable of that and I'm left instead with a heavy golden feeling that reminds me I'm alone.

Is anyone similar to me? I'm severely dyslexic and quite dysbraxic.

>>9218619
Fucking hell anon. This got me.
You're not alone

>>9218668
What did you relate to anon?

>>9218678
Most of it.
Contradictions part, emotional and philosophical but not organizational part, intellectual sensitivity ('alzheimer') part...
I dont lucid dream tho.
The last paragraph killed me

When my mind becomes stressed it either turns to drugs as a form of escape or I try my best to stamp it out with other measures like spending 100 hours of a month watching pornography, not reading instead consuming YouTube and dank memes. I enjoy it but I am aware that there are better things to do. It's not a new problem surely; I just need to do best moves at all time!

>>9218619
A lot of this is similar to me.

Have you ever taken a personality test? I found that I score solidly as INT but only a 2% as Judging over Perception. Which is strange because when reading about each of them, the differences between J and P are staggering and they even say they're two totally different aspects of personality. But reading them, they both definitely apply to, but always at different times. I can be aware of myself as J and as P and changing in between throughout the day. It's made me want to get evaluated for BPD or Manic Depression because it doesn't seem right to switch between the two

The only thing weird about me is that, whenever i have these memories, strong memories, mainly embarrassing ones which tend to be stronger/more lively than regular ones, i just start talking them out. I don't know why. They don't even have to be actual events, meaning i have these scenarios where i think:
>''What if i said THIS back then? That would be pretty emberrassing''
For example, my step mother caught me masturbating 10 years ago, only thinking about it makes me mumble ''Why didn't i close he door?''.

>>9212174
>>9212174
>what is the act of prayer

>>9218800
It just happened again right now.
I am in that skype group and people started talking abo9ut how awesome and weird it would be if they went to the past with a Lighter or a Smartphone etc.
I was about to type ''Thoughts that i had when i was 10''
But i didn't in order to, well, not be an asshole. Instead o just said it out loud and imagined the scenario of what they would've said/wrote if i went with it.

>>9218825
>>9218800
Hmm
So, you say it out loud. You dont just whisper it or think it

>>9218912
Hai. Doctors told me that this is Narcissist behavior.

>>9212093
Stepping in my mind and having my thoughts would be like starting to search for a gear to complete a device necessary to be happy, on a giant white marble floor , knowing that there is no goddamnt gear the ground, saying to yourself "it must be the light source insufficient, but its there, i must keep searching" just you know within yourself that , the gear you're searching never fell from your hands and its just missing from the start.

>>9219041
Why do you keep searching then, Lad? Is it because we are human and having Hope is a trait that we can never trully ascent from? Or do you simply have nothing better to do? What if you need to do something in order for it to appear? Go beyond that marble floor. Why do you assume it's on the ground to begin with?

>>9218800
I get those too. They say to control your mind, you have to control your mouth. And your bowel movements too, especially when youre older.

>>9212191
Because your experience is objective right

>>9219041
If you chase for something you will never reach it. Only by already having it will you hold something.

You must be happy already. To do that, you must be happy with nothing.

This is a thing everyone has.

>>9212093
Constant, inescapable fixation on past actions

>>9212625
I'm in the same boat as you, anon