/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.10816203]

What is the greatest copypasta of all time?

[Anonymous No.10816211]

my diary desu

[Anonymous No.10816240]

>spend years studying western philosophy
>finish my phd, thesis on the intersection of aristotle's de anima, plotinus enneads and heideggerian ontology, but still feel my knowledge is only fragmentary
>no idea what the point of anything is, all those wasted years and for what?
>i'd studied the greeks, especially aristotle and plotinus for years, learned to read them in their original language
>studied everything from aquinas to kierkegaard
>still feel like I know nothing
>start drinking heavily, major downward spiral
>wife divorces me, takes the kids and leaves me in major debt
>about to kill myself with a pistol my dad passed on to me after he died (also suicide, he jumped off a building)
>notice tao te ching on my bookshelf
>i'd never read it before
>put the gun down and start reading
>it feels like the ground is shaking under my feet
>this is it, THIS IS IT
>I get heavily into eastern philosophy
>quit my demanding academic job and work as a night guard at a high end apartment building where i can read all night
>veer mainly into hinduism
>learn sanskrit and read classic hindu spiritual texts
>decide im ready to commit full time
>quit my job, pack a few clothes and essentials and fly over to india
>spend a 6 months traveling up and down the country looking for a guru
>one day sitting by a dirt road drinking mango lassi, old man approaches me speaking in hindi (i had learned that too, im good with languages)
>he has this glow about him, most enlightened looking person you could ever imagine
>straight up asks if i want to be his student, i say yes with no hesitation
>study and practice with him (shaivist advait vedanta) for two years very intensively
>little by little my old doubts and preoccupations creep in
>halfway through third year i am having panic attacks every other week, none of this is working, none of it means anything
>run off to delhi and use what little money i have left on prostitutes and alcohol, cry myself to sleep every night
>sitting in an internet cafe one day and open up my old twitter account
>see friend comment "that is some profound shit, thank you o wise one" on some dude named jaden smith's post
>look up jaden smith's account and read through his posts in a wild delirium
>the most profound wisdom i have ever encountered laid out in pithy aphorisms posted by an american teenage celeb
>all that time wasted chasing after wisdom
>i could have just opened up twitter
>mfw

[Anonymous No.10816248]

>>10816240
this is p shit

who has the burger-flipping Husserl scholar one

[Anonymous No.10816252]

Better nate than lever is a classic...

Is Encyclopedia Dramatica still around? When I was 12 or something I just read every single copypasta on there until I felt ready to browse 4chan. I even read that fucking mudkips story.

[Anonymous No.10816260]

>>10816252
>a literal ED faggot
wew me also

[Buy buy buy No.10816261]

>>10816248
I showed it to my father as evidence that I shouldn’t go back to school

[Anonymous No.10816278]

>>10816260

How exciting was it to discover that shit? It was like a whole new way of thinking. I’ve never been some weird shut in (sorry if you have) - I’ve always had a lot of pals, but finding shit as fucked up and subversive as that... I’ve been hooked ever since. 4chan just attracts the most fascinating types. You feel me, anon?

[Anonymous No.10816287]

>>10816278
I feel you sexually and nonconsensually you fucking faggot don't ever try to relate to me again you queer

[Anonymous No.10816304]

>reading a delightful little novel by Alfred Camus
>notice an upset girl at school yelling at her boyfriend
>her naive fieriness rings true within me
>the Beast awakens, and I hunger once more.
>I analyse her movement patterns for the next week
>find her in the library talking with a friend
>I move like a walking shadow, crushed velvet blazer camouflaging me completely
>"Hello. You have the eyes of a hunter, child"
>she is so enamoured by my guileish charms that she and her friend begin to laugh
>I smirk goodnaturedly. How humoreux. How quaint.
>Invite her for dinner. A quick... bite.
>She laughs. I just keep staring.
>Her oafish boyfriend appears.
>"Get the fuck out of here anon"
>"Perhaps"
>i keep on smirking. A single strike to their jugulars and the talking sheep could be slain.
>He punches me.
>Eye swollen up - I steam a small bag of petit pois beside the bruise.
>A brilliant multitasker, as always.

[Anonymous No.10816631]

>>10816203

Hey Faggots,
My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch

[Anonymous No.10816650]

>>10816631
This. GOAT

[Anonymous No.10816710]

>>10816631
John was Chad before Chad was a meme

[Anontard No.10816725]

>>10816203
Yeah, I actually read the whole thing because I had to. I was entering a prestigious PhD program and focusing on Joyce because I loved Dubliners, Portrait, and Ulysses. To my shame, though, I'd never read the Wake. I'd never even tried, as hard as that was to admit. It was this huge blind spot and area of vulnerability for me. Whenever it'd come up with my colleagues I'd just smile and nod, smile and nod, hoping they wouldn't ask me anything specific about it. "The musicality of it," somebody would say, and I'd say, "Oh God, yes, it's like Beethoven." Finally, though, I had to dive into it, and let me tell you it was tough going. Joseph Campbell's guide helped a lot. Reading it out loud helped. I listened to other people read it, read online commentaries. Eventually it started to make some sort of sense. It was like I was learning to read for the first time again, and in a way this was enjoyable. I got better at reading the book. Soon I was reading entire paragraphs without trouble, getting the puns, laughing at the jokes. I could sort of follow the story, it was like a blurry picture resolving into clarity, or like I was drunk and I was sobering up, I could actually understand it. As I became more and more adept at reading the Wake, I began putting myself to the test, initiating conversations with my colleagues about it, but specific passages this time, specific parts of the book. You can probably guess what happened. After a number of these conversations it became blindingly obvious that I understood the book a lot better than they did, they who I thought were the experts. It eventually became sort of embarrassing for them and I stopped trying to talk about it. And at the end of the day I would pack my things, catch the bus home, and settle into my apartment to read the Wake. It had surpassed all of Joyce's other works in my estimation. Ulysses, the book months earlier I would've named as my favorite of all time, the best book ever written was now #2 to the Wake. So majestic, so ambitious, so wide-ranging, erudite, glorious, incredible was it that I couldn't believe that it was the work of one man. Best of all, the heart of it isn't complicated at all. What did I get from the Wake, what are its lessons? First of all, be yourself. Second of all, put one foot in front of the other. And lastly, just do it for crying out loud, time's a wastin'!

[Anonymous No.10816732]

>>10816631
I still remember seeing this on /b/ for the first time and becoming enraged

[Anonymous No.10818087]

>>10816203
For me, it's the Navy Seal copypasta

[Anonymous No.10818696]

sneed

[Anonymous No.10818701]

>>10816287
10/10

[Anonymous No.10818703]

Sasha. The porn star.

[Anonymous No.10818705]

>>10816252
>mudkips

yoooooo blast from the passed man

[Anonymous No.10818729]

>>10818087

[Anonymous No.10819803]

Pynchons my fav writer for sure because my fav thing in books is goofs, gags, jokes and rambunctious behavior, and his books are full to the brim of it. Every novel is like one of those novelty snake cans, you open the book & POP you get a face fulla snakes and you fall back cackling. The mad mind, the crack genius, to do it! and then you think hmmm whats he gonna do next, this trickster, and you pick the book back up and BZZZZZZZZZZ you get a shock and Hahahahahah you've been pranked again by the old pynchmeister, that card. "Did that Pynch?" he says, laughing yukyukyukyuk. Watch him as he shoves a pair of plastic buck teeth right up into his mouth and displays em for you- left, right, center- "you like dese? Do i look handsome???" Pulls out a mirror. "Ah!" Hand to naughty mouth. And you're on your ass again laughing as he snaps his suspenders, exits stage right, and appears again hauling a huge golden gong.

[Anonymous No.10819824]

Listen you fucking disgusting 1 bit whore (I call yo 1 bit and not two bit because women only have 1 bit that matters, their loose little cunt, yours is so loose that a slight tug would see it come off your body altogether but I digress)-

This is a fucking BOYS CLUB. A FUCKING LADS BAR. A FUCKING SOCIETY OF SANDWICH EATERS. A BAND OF FUCKING BROTHERS, A BAND OF FUCKING BLOKES, AND A BAND OF BIG TOUGH BASTARDS, WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT WOMEN ENOUGH TO EVEN FUCKING FUCK THEM, LET ALONE FUCKING SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO THEM WHINE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T BELONG HERE AND NEVER FUCKING WILL.

You are not welcome here. Nobody wants you here. You come to this board and what do you see? Men discussing the ACHIEVEMENTS OF MEN. Nobody has ever come to this board and made a thread a female for anything other than mocking and laughing. We talk about men here. We worship men here. We praise men. We are inspired by men. I don't want to hear your fucking Muculent cunt lips slapping together, still trying to get down the last of the cum that some fucking back alley stick waving iceman shot over them. No. I want to talk Pynchon, or Joyce, or Homer, or Hegel. You know what all these men have in common? They fuck women. But they hate women. I hate women. /lit/ hates woman. I know that as I type this I have all of /lit/ standing behind me, chucking their penises into the air in triumph, as we say

FUCK OFF WOMEN
FUCK OFF YOU WHORE
FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING BITCH
YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
STAND BEHIND ME MY BROTHERS.

[Anonymous No.10819832]

/lit/, how do I deal with my brainlet family members talking in phrases they don't understand?

A few weeks ago I used the phrase 'intellectually dishonest' around my parents. They had never heard this before somehow and now they are OBSESSED with using it in every possible context. Some examples

>Had a really big shit in the toilet
>Dad goes in after me
>'AWW GOD SON. WHAT A SMELL. THAT SMELL IS INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST'
>winks at me and goes to shit

>Mom makes dinner
>Asks if I liked it
>I say yes
>She says 'IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT THAT WOULD BE INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST'

>Dog won't sit down
>Dad shouts at it
>'DANG IT YOU ARE BEING ONE INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST LITTLE DOGGY'

I think they are doing it because they feel I am 'smart' (I am not that smart myself) and they want to 'connect' with me by using a smart sounding phrase. They sometimes come into my room uninvited and start a conversation where they use the phrase at least 5 times every 10 sentances, for example my dad burst in whilst I was reading and started pointing at the book and saying 'I'VE HEARD THIS ONE IS INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST , PAGE 111 IS INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST'. It was a fucking Italian language textbook ffs

How do I make this stop? I need to explain their misuse without angering them

[Anonymous No.10819837]

Haha, how can autism be used as an insult? Only an ignorant cunt would use autism as an insult. (And there's nothing I hate more than ignorance)

Autism is a gift in my case, I have an IQ of over 150 which makes me technically a genius thanks to my autism. I've been going through school all my life being bored out of my fucking brains getting at least 95% on all my tests (and all the incorrect answers were silly mistakes ) because I'm just too fucking smart for school I can't wait for everyone else to learn someting I already knew within the first day or too of being taught it. Every year I scored the best of my year on these stupid multiple choice tests we do and the headmaster came to my class to tell me that, which obviously resulted in being called a 'nerd' which is true but I shouldn't be ridiculed for it.

I recently became home educated so I could learn at my own pace and I'm getting my GCSEs done 1/4 of the time everyone else has to do it in, I'm also doing more than double the average amount of GCSEs that usually would be done.

I used to get paid 30 dollars an hour working online, which is more than the teach assistants at my old school earned, it was so fun pointing that out to them.

So, in conclusion, calling someone autistic is not an insult, in my case, it makes me highly gifted.

One more, thing, I don't know if this has anything to do with my autism but I am a sociopath so I'm not hindered by irrational emotions like guilt, compassion, empathy etc.

haha, the most satisfying this is to know that you will all see this as a waste of a natural gift that I am undeserving hahaha, that brings me great satisfaction.

I'm practically perfect, let the jealousy flow through you.

[Anonymous No.10819934]

You talentless piece of shit. You disgusting fucking lout. Goddamn you, you disgust me. Your trite little sentences, your misinterpretation of history, you are literally just a Peterson loving fuck aren't you? You alt-right scumbag. I hope you invest alot of time into writing. I hope you don't choose a fall back career. I hope that you stick with writing until the bitter end, all so that at the moment of death it will all come to you how futile and worthlessly banal your work is. I am not bitter at all, I am merely stating objective facts. You want to track my IP? Go ahead fuck face, go ahead. I'm ready for you. 67.236.172.188. Go ahead loser, go ahead you John Green loving fuck. Track me. I want you to. I want you to track me. I want you to find me. I want to see your sniveling miserable face you little shit. Killing me won't solve the fact that you have no talent, that you're dry, that your mind is a limp penis. Go ahead, fuckface. I dare you.

[Anonymous No.10819976]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo

[Anonymous No.10820005]

Is there a character that could even possiblyEVENTOUCHMadara Uchiha? Let alone defeat him. And I’m not talking about Edo Tensei Uchiha Madara. I’m not talking about Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara either. Hell, I’m not even talking about Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikodou abilities and being capable of both Amateratsu and Tsukuyomi genjutsu), equipped with his Gunbai, a perfect Susano’o, control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’sDNAimplanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu.

I’m also not talking about Kono Yo no Kyūseishu Futarime no Rikudō Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan (which is capable of Enton Amaterasu, Izanagi, Izanami and the Tsyukuyomi Genjutsu), his two original Rinnegan (which grant him Chikushōdō, Shuradō, Tendō, Ningendō, Jigokudō, Gakidō, Gedō, Banshō Ten’in, Chibaku Tensei, Shinra Tensei, Tengai Shinsei and Banbutsu Sōzō) and a third Tomoe Rinnegan on his forehead, capable of using Katon, Fūton, Raiton, Doton, Suiton, Mokuton, Ranton, Inton, Yōton and even Onmyōton Jutsu, equipped with his Gunbai(capable of using Uchihagaeshi) and a Shakujō because he is a master in kenjutsu and taijutsu, a perfect Susano’o (that can use Yasaka no Magatama ), control of both the Juubi and the Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’sDNAand face implanted on his chest, his four Rinbo Hengoku Clones guarding him and nine Gudōdama floating behind himAFTERhe absorbed Senjutsu from the First Hokage, entered Rikudō Senjutsu Mode, cast Mugen Tsukuyomi on everybody and used Shin: Jukai Kōtan so he can use their Chakra while they are under Genjutsu. I’m definitelyNOTTalking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after Alucard, able to tap into the speedforce, wearing the Kamen Rider Black RX suit and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’sDNAimplanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu and having eaten Popeye’s spinach. I’m talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Legendary Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with his Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand.

[Anonymous No.10820020]

The one about the teacher and the student, original one.

[Anonymous No.10820024]

How do you recognise a foundation myth? It fulfils three functions.

1)It explains the origin and structure of the world (and society).
2)It defines ultimate good and evil (and from those definitions are derived the values that are used to justify the holding of power).
3)It determines what is held sacred in that society.

For modern Westerners the story of WWII has become their foundation myth. It fulfils all three functions.

1)We live in the ‘Post-War World’. The lines on the map, the institutions, the sense of what era we live in, all arise from the starting point of WWII.

2)Ultimate evil is Nazis. Ultimate good is opposing Nazis. The values derived from these definitions are anti-racism, equality, diversity, anti-nationalism and so on.

3)The only thing that is held sacred, that cannot be denied or mocked in the contemporary West, is the Holocaust.

The problem is that all three functions are backwards or negative.

Instead of the origin event being one of fertility and new life, it was a conflagration of death and destruction.

Instead of ultimate good taking the central position in the story that slot is occupied by ultimate evil. Everyone knows that Adolf Hitler, the personification of evil, holds the centre point of the WWII story.

Instead of that which is held sacred being something mysterious and sublime it (the Holocaust) is an obscenity.

Having a negative foundation myth means the tree of life for Westerners is poisoned. People don’t realise it but the bounds of allowable thought and the orientation of ideas are all downstream from the myth of the society. As long as our understanding of who we are is determined by this negative foundation myth the only direction is down.

[Anonymous No.10820036]

>>10820024
isn't the foundation myth of Jews are evil eternal demonic enemies and Aryans need to wage total war on them negative? isn't being bound to killing negative and being under attack negative? i feel as if whoever made this on /lit/ or /pol/ or the Phora originally was kind of a faggot sophist

[Anonymous No.10820066]

>>10820024
What will be the foundation myth that'll arise out of the coming conflict in our society?

[Anonymous No.10820076]

Is there a character that could even possibly EVEN TOUCH Madara Uchiha? Let alone defeat him. And I'm not talking about Edo Tensei Uchiha Madara. I'm not talking about Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara either. Hell, I'm not even talking about Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikodou abilities and being capable of both Amateratsu and Tsukuyomi genjutsu), equipped with his Gunbai, a perfect Susano'o, control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu. I’m also not talking about Kono Yo no Kyūseishu Futarime no Rikudō Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan (which is capable of Enton Amaterasu, Izanagi, Izanami and the Tsyukuyomi Genjutsu), his two original Rinnegan (which grant him Chikushōdō, Shuradō, Tendō, Ningendō, Jigokudō, Gakidō, Gedō, Banshō Ten’in, Chibaku Tensei, Shinra Tensei, Tengai Shinsei and Banbutsu Sōzō) and a third Tomoe Rinnegan on his forehead, capable of using Katon, Fūton, Raiton, Doton, Suiton, Mokuton, Ranton, Inton, Yōton and even Onmyōton Jutsu, equipped with his Gunbai(capable of using Uchihagaeshi) and a Shakujō because he is a master in kenjutsu and taijutsu, a perfect Susano’o (that can use Yasaka no Magatama ), control of both the Juubi and the Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’s DNA and face implanted on his chest, his four Rinbo Hengoku Clones guarding him and nine Gudōdama floating behind him AFTER he absorbed Senjutsu from the First Hokage, entered Rikudō Senjutsu Mode, cast Mugen Tsukuyomi on everybody and used Shin: Jukai Kōtan so he can use their Chakra while they are under Genjutsu. I'm definitely NOT Talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after Alucard, able to tap into the speedforce, wearing the Kamen Rider Black RX suit and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu and having eaten Popeye's spinach. I'm talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Legendary Super Saiyan 4 Uchiha Madara with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with his Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire af

[Anonymous No.10820097]

>>10816252
>Mudkipz
God, 2006 was weird

[Anonymous No.10820106]

>>10816631
>Remember seeing this in 2009
>Getting so mad
17 year old me was fuming

[Anonymous No.10820110]

>>10816631
This desu

>>10819832
This is good for a fairly modern pasta.

[Anonymous No.10820137]

SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME TO PAY THE ALIMONY
I AIN'T THE DARKEST GUY IN MY BED
I WAS LOOKING IN DESPAIR WITH MY FINGERS IN MY HAIR
AT MY WIFE AND HER BUCK FROM MY KEK SHED

WELL

THE BILLS START COMING AND THEY DON'T STOP COMING
STATEMENTS OVERDRAWN, CANNOT BE FORGIVEN
DIDN'T MAKE SENSE NOT TO GO INSANE
FUCKED MY SHIT UP NOW I'M IN EXTREME PAIN

TOO MUCH TO PAY
TOO MUCH IN DEBT
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH FLEEING TO CUBA


YOU'LL FOREVER KNOW IF YOU GET HITCHED
YOU'LL ALWAYS KNOW 'CAUSE SHE'S A BITCH

HEY NOW

YOU'RE A HAS-BEEN
SHE BROKE YOU AND BETRAYED

HEY NOW

YOU'RE ALL WASHED UP
IN YOUR MISERY YOU'LL WADE

IF ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD
GIVE IT TO MY WIFE
TO BE SOOOLLDDDD

[Anonymous No.10820147]

>>10820020
This one?

A Vandal magister with known Arian tendencies was holding a symposium in honour of Demophilus, a known schismatic.
"Before the toasts begin, you must get on your knees and worship God and accept that he was the most divine entity the ecumene has ever known, even greater than Christus whom he created!"

At this moment, a venerable Praepositus Limitis who had served on the frontiers for decades and understood the necessity of taming the Barbaricum and fully supported the creed promulgated by the great Constantinus rose from his couch and held up a crucifix.

"Who does this represent?"

The Rhenian cur smirked quite devilishly and smugly replied "the created child of an indivisible God"

"You miss the point. Jesus Christ our Dominus is of the same substance as God and thus equal to Him."

The heretic was visibly shaken, and dropped his wine krater and copy of Eusebius' Onomastikon. He stormed out of the banquet hall crying those laetus crocodile tears. The same tears Donatists and Priscillians cry for the "poor" (who today are so holy that saints vie to kiss their feet) as they flee Roman territory to the outrage-committing Bacaudae in Armorica. There is no doubt that at this point the "learned" Vandal wished he had studied the work of the Holy Apostles and become more than a ludicrous teacher of rhetoric. He wished so much that he had a spatha to disembowel himself with due to the shame but he had sold all the city's arms for Gaiseric's ransom pay!

The partygoers politely clapped and all ceased their apostasy that day and accepted Jesus as the true Son of God. An divine light suddenly shone into the room and blazed upon the bust of Augustine and the statue wept miraculously. The Nicene Creed was recited, and Jesus Monogenes himself descended and banished the barbarians to the hellish wastes beyond the limes.

The magister lost his tongue and was castrated the following day. He was exiled to Troesmis, far from from God's Light.

Praise Jesus Consubstantialis.

[Anonymous No.10820183]

>>10819976
Waiting for this one, the real goat.

[Anonymous No.10820252]

>>10820036
that's a false dichotomy, it's not a choice between a holocaust foundation myth and eternal jewish enemy foundation myth. there are plenty of non-abrahamic religions which aren't structured around ideas of persecution, resentment or vindictiveness
btw those negative core sentiments are obviously "good" in a sense because they've been more successful at propagating themselves. they're still morally reprehensible

>>10820066
depends on what kind of conflict, I guess.
ideally it should grow from the relationships of men who've evolved past master-slave morality.

[Anonymous No.10820269]

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows:

Pocket-protected scientists built a wall made of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond travelling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall made of metal into 400 miles an hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted earths orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles an hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused over 10000 wayward planes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with over 10000 buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles per iron, and the result proved with out a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

[Anonymous No.10820278]

trolling is a art

[Anonymous No.10820284]

>>10820278
an horse is a athlete

[Anonymous No.10820304]

A close reading of twentieth century history indicates, as nothing else can, the horrors that accompany loss of faith in the idea of the individual. It is only the individual, after all, who suffers. The group does not suffer -- only those who compose it. Thus, the reality of the individual must be regarded as primary, if suffering is to be regarded seriously. Without such regard, there can be no motivation to reduce suffering and therefore no respite. Instead, the production of individual suffering can and has and will be again rationalized and justified for its supposed benefits for the future and the group.

[Anonymous No.10820316]

Was ist eigentlich der mieseste Job den es gibt?

Mein Vorschlag: Grillwalker.
Du musst 20 Kilo glühendes Blech auf dem Buckel und vor der Plauze tragen, während Du fühlst, wie sich deine Bandscheiben reihenweise ins Altersheim verabschieden und Deine Nackenmuskulatur zu Granit wird.

Dabei züngelt Dir der Fettgeruch von Thüringern um die Nüstern. Es sind keine guten Thüringer, sondern Glutamat getränkte Fleischabfälle, die Du für 1 Euro an das Passantenpack verscheuern musst.

Der ranzige Gestank geht nie wieder ab, auch nach dem Duschen nicht, weswegen Du keinen Schlag bei den Damen hast. Die riechen Deinen Job nämlich zehn Meilen gegen den Wind und wollen nichts mit solch einer armen Wurst zu tun haben.

Während Du am Alex herumstehst, stinkend, schwitzend, schmerzend, denkst Du darüber nach, was Du mit Deinem Schichtlohn von 50 Euro nachher wohl Schönes machen könntest. Dann fallen Dir die ganzen Rechnungen ein und die Antwort gleich dazu: Nichts. Ende des Monats wirst Du Dich wieder von übrig gebliebenen, pechschwarzen Krakauer Käsekrachern ernähren müssen, weil das Geld vorne und hinten nicht reicht.

Du siehst die Passanten, sie grinsen, mitleidig. Du bist die ärmste Wurst in Mitte, und alle wissen es, alle sehen es. Ein Blitz. Das war jetzt der zehnte oder zwanzigste Tourist, der Dich heute fotografiert hat ...

[Anonymous No.10820348]

>>10816710
Chad is an African country, in case you didnt know.

>>10816203
I saw Thomas Pynchon at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Anonymous No.10820371]

>>10816261
it's a fucking story. I hate this place

[Anonymous No.10820373]

>>10820348
Replace Milky Ways with kazoos and you're golden

[Anonymous No.10820412]

>>10816631
Based.

[Anonymous No.10820547]

The marine and brap pastas still give me a chuckle tbqh

[Anonymous No.10820654]

>>10816252
>tfw this was me
What does this say about someone's personality?

[Anonymous No.10820681]

Navy SEAL and electrical infetterence pastas. I love how versatile they are, and have already gone past the "beating with a dead horse" phase so you can always drop a contextual pasta in any given thread for shits and giggles. Lately there's been a semen demon/jezebel pasta which is pretty good.

[Anonymous No.10820691]

>>10816631
He's right, you know.
>>10816732
>>10820106

[Anonymous No.10820724]

>>10820269
pfhahahaah

[Anonymous No.10821892]

>>10816631
YOU RELLY NEED TO STOPP NOW.. YOUR ALL JUST JEALOUS COZ HE WAS LOVED BY ALOT OF PEOPLE ND YOUR A WORTHLESS PiECE OF SHiT ND TRUST ME YOU DNT WANT US TO FiND YOU COZ TRUST ME YOULL HAVE TO BE HOSPiTALiZED.. GET A LiFE SCUMBAGS =]

[Anonymous No.10821908]

ENVISUALISE

[Anonymous No.10821926]

Moй бaтя eбaшит вooбщe aдoвыe блюдa. Hy тaкoй вoт пpимepнo peцeпт ycpeднeнный, пoтoмy чтo вapиaций мacca. Бepeтcя cyп, oн нe гpeeтcя, гpeть — этo нe пpo мoeгo бaтю. Oн бepeт этo cyп, вывaливaeт eгo нa cкoвopoдy и нaчинaeт жapить. Дoбaвляeт в нeгo oгpoмнoe кoличecтвo лyкa, чecнoкa, пepцa чepнoгo и кpacнoгo MУКИ! для вязкocти, тoмaтнaя пacтa cвepхy. Bce этo жapитcя дo дымa. Пoтoм cнимaeтcя c oгня и ocтyжaeтcя нa бaлкoнe. Пoтoм бaтя зaнocит и щeдpo пoлив мaйoнeзoм нaчинaeт ecть. Пpи этoм ecт co cкoвopoды шкpябaя пo нeй лoжкoй. Ecт и пpигoвapивaeт пoлyшeпoтoм yх бля. Пpи этoм y нeгo нa лбy aж пoт выcтyпaeт. Любeзнo мнe инoгдa пpeдлaгaeт, нo я oткaзывaюcь. Haдo ли гoвopить o тoм кaкoй дичaйший пepдeж пoтoм? Boнищa тaкaя, чтo oбoи oт cтeн oтклeивaютcя.

[Anonymous No.10821933]

Кoгдa мнe былo 15 лeт, и я хoдил cpaть бятя вcё вpeмя кaк-бы нeвзнaчaй кpyтилcя вoзлe тoлчкa, и вcё cпpaшивaл, чтo ты тaм зaтих, пoчeмy тeбя нe cлышнo? пepвый paз я нe oтвeтил, тaк oн нaчaл лoмитьcя в двepь, и opaть, чтo ты тaм мoлчишь, чтo c тoбoй? нaчaл мaтepитьcя, и гoвopить, чтo вooбщe двepь c пeтeль cнимeт, aлco, бaтя pyгaлcя, ecли я cpy и нe cмывaю, пpичём нe пpocтo вкoнцe cpaния, a нeпocpeдcтвeннo пocлe вылeзaния кaкaшки, мoтивиpoвaл этo тeм, чтo вoняeт, и caм пoтoм мнe гoвopил: вoт я кaкнy и cмывaю, и ты тaк дeлaй! oднaжды я cpaть ceл, и cлышy, бaтя гдe-тo y двepи вcтaл в oтдaлeнии, нy я жoпy вытep, и нa пoл нaкapaчики пpиceл, a тaм щeль oчeнь шиpoкaя cнизy y двepи, нy я в щeль и cмoтpю, a тaм бaтя нa кapaчикaх cидит и в щeль cмoтpит, и мнe гoвopит: ты чё? eбaнyтый? чё ты тaм дeлaeшь? бaтя кcтaти вcё вpeмя кaкиe-тo тpaвы пьёт, чтoбы cpaть чacтo, cpёт пo 5 paз в дeнь, a пoтoм гoвopит, чтo жoпy жжёт, и eщё пepдит oн. пиздeц кopoчe! peaльнaя иcтopия. я нe тpoлль

[Anonymous No.10821936]

How come /lit/ is so ideologically submissive? Are you guys reading the wrong books or something?

I can't believe so many of you guys have jobs, pursue women, enjoy travelling etc. It's perplexing. Why do you invest so much in External Reality (TM)?

I denounced all idealogical demands years ago. I don't have a job, I don't have a sleeping schedule. I rarely bathe. I soil my underwear. I eat whatever I want whenever I want. I only communicate via written notes and angry grunting sounds. I haven't left the house since New Years eve except to take out the garbage. I recognize innate racial hierarchy. I recognize the indelible differences between males and females which make males superior. I am an elitist, and understand that a large percentage of any given population will consist of irredeemably dull and dim-witted cattle-like creatures. I acknowledge suicide is the only aesthetic and intellectual way to die. My diet is unpredictable and uncommon, having transcended ideological restraints in this area; for breakfast today I ate seven bananas dipped in whiskey. I have no friends. No girlfriend. No religion. No national bias. My mommy only tends my needs due to her being an animal-like being whose natural maternal instincts have not been eradicated (as my own familial instincts have been) by a profound genius of which she is obviously incapable. I spent most of each day in a semi-conscious state in bed, pierced occasionally by some sharp insight about existence which forces me to close my eyes and wait for my spleen to pass. I barely get dressed in the summer months. I only read books that are either under 200 pages in length or over 650 pages in length. Most of the books I read are hostile to life and the concept of living; many advocate suicide as a philosophical ideal. I have read over 45 books about World War 2 military history, and spend much of my time daydreaming about serving in the Nazi high command and directing their invasion of Europe and elsewhere. I have long dismissed music and film as inferior art forms and refuse to experience either. I wake mostly at night. My fatigue is so overwhelming at times that in order to navigate the house I simply crawl or drag my lower body from room to room. I weigh 278 pounds and I plan on expanding even further. My mommy claims she doesn't recognize me at times and when I explain in a consciously patronizing and demeaning tone that the concept of a consistent existential self is a myth borne out of our intuitive desire to comprehend our experience in the simplest terms, she shouts at me and cries but eventually apologizes and provides me with another meal. I am beyond alive. I meet all the criteria required of Nietzsche's proposed Ubermensch. There is nothing in the external world capable of shifting my ideological position, which is itself founded on ironic nothingness.

[Anonymous No.10821941]

Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn’t take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It’s clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother’s mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake

[Anonymous No.10821965]

>>10818087
For me, it’s the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, “Wow, three for free!” and the nice friendly McDonald’s worker laughed and said, “I’m going to call you 3-for-free!”.

Now the staff greets me with “hey it’s 3-for-free!” and ALWAYS give me three packets. It’s such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald’s restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I’m in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it’s delicious! What a great restaurant.

[Anonymous No.10821973]

For me, it’s the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, “Wow, three for free!” and the nice friendly McDonald’s worker laughed and said, “I’m going to call you 3-for-free!”.

Now the staff greets me with “hey it’s 3-for-free!” and ALWAYS give me three packets. It’s such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald’s restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I’m in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it’s delicious! What a great restaurant.

[Anonymous No.10821974]

>>10821965
>>10821973

fuck

[Anonymous No.10822014]

>>10819832
>tfw even your parents know you're a pseud
>>10819824
"Instant classic"
>>10820137
>not posting the far superior bane version
>>10820316
Kafka/10
>>10819837
Sherlock/10
>>10820005
2weeb4me
>>10820024
really made me think :^)

[Anonymous No.10822016]

>>10820316
that was awesome
danke mein freund

[Anonymous No.10822051]

>>10820654

That they're homosexual

[Anonymous No.10822063]

Did anyone copy that one Peirce poster from the tapir thread? Where they explained that "gretty boud" was actually a very sophisticated meme that you need to understand all kinds of things to get.

[Anonymous No.10822081]

>>10818729
underrated

[Anonymous No.10822090]

does anybody have the one about Derrida deconstructing the Colosseum?

[Anonymous No.10822235]

>>10822063
>>/lit/thread/S10798693#p10803030

[Anonymous No.10822788]

On /pol/ or /tv/, that could have flown. Could have impressed a few passersby. On /lit/? Our shitposting levels are a little high. We've got strict standards, see. Writers and the like. It's all or nothing around here, kid. You're in or you're out. Judging by your post? You're out. With my help? Hell, let's just say I can get you in. I've got experience in these things. A whole arsenal of experience. I've got experience up to my sleeves. Hell, let's all or /tv/, that could have impressed a few passersby. On /lit/? Our shitpost? You're out. Judging around here, kid. You're in the like. It's just say I can get you're out. Judging levels are a little high. We've got standards, see. Writers and the like. It's just say I can get you're out. Judging by you're out. With my help? Hell, let's all or /tv/, that could have flown. Could have impressed a few passersby. On /pol/ or /tv/, that could have impressed a few passersby. On /pol/ or you're out. On /little around have flown. Could have flown. It's just standards, see. I've impressersby. On /little high. With my sleeves. On /pol/ or /tv/, that could here, kid. You're out. Writersby. On /little high. With my help? Hell, let's all of experience up to my help? Hell, let's all or you in things. On /pol/ or /tv/, the like. I've got strict say I can get you in these that could have got experience impressers andards, see. I've got experience up to my help? Hell, let's just standards, see. It's arse

[Anonymous No.10822794]

WHY?! WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME SO WITH THESE JEZEBELS? My one single wish is to be left to my own asexual devices, free from the thorned grip of perverse tempation, unclouded or swayed in my noble search for intellectual playthings of the mind, yet by your hand I am endlessly titillated by these vixens with their prodigious hips and provocative figures. Can I never satiate this thirst, will I ever know the touch of a woman and enter between her loins? Will these hands ever feel a woman's swaying weight in their open palms? Will I ever know a plump, ruby pair of lips perched betwixt my shoulder and my ear, whispering "I want you, I want you now" in that chocolatey croon I know so well from dreamtime? Will my seed ever drip from her moistened hole, indicating the completed unity of our unhinged sexual impulses?

Life is a constant hell. Day in and out the tired red eyes glaze in some attempt to shield me from these images. I am floating in the blistering heat of my id's vacuum, castrated and blinded by my wretched libido. No wonder I resent women so.

[Anonymous No.10822797]

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles as "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success. The Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worthy of being saved.

[Anonymous No.10822808]

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you’re referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.
Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called “Linux”, and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project. There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use.
Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine’s resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called “Linux” distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.

[Anonymous No.10822815]

>>10816203

BRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

[Anonymous No.10822846]

This one is wonderful :

A modernist protestant evangelical pastor-professor and contraceptives advocate was teaching a class on Martin Luther, known heretic. ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Luther and accept that the five solas are divine commandments, even greater than the 255 Dogmas!”

At this moment, a brave, traditionalist, monarchist Catholic soldier of Christ who had said over 15,000 Rosaries and understood the necessity of Apostolic Succession and supported all the dogmatic pronouncements of the ecumenical councils and the Supreme Pontiff stood up and held a Bible.
”Who wrote this book, pinhead?”
The arrogant pastor smirked quite heretically and smugly replied “God did, you statue-worshipping papist.”
”Wrong. The Sacred Authors, under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, dictated Holy Writ from their own historical perspectives and Mother Church collected these books under the direction of that same Holy Ghost. If sola scriptura, as you say, is true, then the Bible entered the world ex-nihilo (which means ‘from nothing’ for you non-Latin casuals), which is what the infidel Muslims say about their stupid Koran.”

The pastor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential by Joel Osteen. He stormed out of the room crying those apostate modernist tears. The same tears modernists cry for the “Jews” (who today live in such luxury that they’re allowed to practice usury). There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Martin Jack “Chick” Calvin, wished he had read more of the Church Fathers and classical biblical exegesis. He so wished he had a tradition of apologetics to rebut the Catholic student with, but he had declared all tradition fallible and man-made!
The students applauded and all registered for RCIA that day and accepted the Pope as the legitimate successor of Saint Peter. An eagle named “Doctrine” flew into the room and perched atop the Papal States flag and
shed a tear on the chalk. The Oath Against Modernism was read several times, and Cardinal Raymond Leo Burke showed up and celebrated the Extraordinary Form of the Mass.
The pastor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He converted to Catholicism and received Last Rites as he died of embarrassment, and was tossed into purgatory until such time as his soul was clean of sin.

[Anonymous No.10822972]

>>10816304
perhaps

[Anonymous No.10822976]

Can somebody post the Dan Brown one?

[Anonymous No.10822981]

I'm sorry, but did the Chargers already lose? Oh, that's right. The game isn't even over yet. In fact, it's only halftime. Does not having the lead at halftime count as a loss? Is that what you're saying? Because if you're saying that I can assure you that you're wrong. Why would you make this topic when the game is still on? The Chargers are still playing right now and they have been the best team in the AFC West for how many years now? They're playing one of the worst teams in the NFL who just happen to have a lead because they're feeding off the energy of playing in a Monday Night Game. But you know what? They still fucking suck. The Chargers are one of the best fucking teams in the NFL, they went 13-3 last year and would of won the Super Bowl if the kicker didn't choke. Maybe you should shut the fuck up before you make retarded topics like this. You know why? Because you're going to be embarrassed when the Chargers wins and someone bumps this topic. Oh look at that, the Chiefs just stepped out of bounds short of the 1st down when they needed to get one, just like the Jets did. Are you a fucking drunk? Are you retarded? Are you autistic? You are a fucking idiot and you should never make a topic on this board again and I'm fucking serious. I almost have a feeling you're the only guy making all these anti-Chargers topics because you're a faggot hater who doesn't like the team because they're good. Fuck you, be good at something in YOUR life and then maybe try to troll these fucking teams on the board, like I give a fuck. It's so easy to spot out your threads now, you're a retard. Always doing stupid shit like this. Why don't you try to be a good poster? Just for once? For once in your fucking life try not to make a topic like this. That's just you, you're always right at getting it wrong. Fuck you. You are nothing.

[Anonymous No.10823697]

>>10820147
I made a Schopenhauer version of this, and I can't fucking find it.

[Anonymous No.10823705]

>>10822981
im embarrassed to say I know what year this was made

[Anonymous No.10823752]

>>10820269
Haven’t seen a diamond metal thread in fucking ages, I’d forgotten about them.

[Anonymous No.10824089]

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you’re referring to as slavs, are in fact, ruthenians/eastern germanic descendants of kievan rus, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, east nordids.

Slavs are not a race unto itself, but rather another component of the ethnogenesis of the scandinavian norse germanic people from the migration of the peoples and onward, made historically relevant by the kievan rus settlements in Gardariki by the norsemen who traveled down the Volga and founded both Russia and Ukraine before being christianized by the byzantine empire.

Many eastern germanics speak the artifical glagolithic church language invented by the greek monk Cyrill, which is where the term cyrillics stems from. Before that, they spoke old norse and revered pagan germanic gods.

All the so-called "slavs" are really descendants of eastern germanics. There is objectively no argument to be made against this historical fact.

Thanks for reading, and please refer to them as "eastern germanics" next time you make a "slav" post.

[Anonymous No.10824255]

>>10820024
This isn't even that bad in a conceptual sense

[Anonymous No.10824716]

>mfw americans call chocolate globbernaughts “candy bars”

>mfw americans call motorized rollinghams “cars”

>mfw americans call Merry fizzlebombs “Fireworks”

>mfw americans call genocide ‘Thanksgiving’

>mfwn americans call wunderbahboxes a “PC”

>mfw americans call meat water “gravy”

>mfw americans call electro-rope “power cables”

>mfw americans call beef wellington ensemble with lettuce a "burger"

>mfw americans call fart tornados “bar mitzvahs”

>mfw americunts call Whimsy Flimsy Mark and Scribblers “pens”

>mfw americans call twisting plankhandles “Doorknobs”

>mfw americans call french toast “pussy bread”

>mfw americans call breaddystacks “sandwiches”

>mfw americans called their hoighty toighty tippy typers “keyboards”

>mfw americans call nutty-gum and fruit spleggings “peanut butter and jelly”

>mfw americans call an upsy stairsy the “escalator”

>mfwn americans call tossin’ the thimble in the tipper “Archiving the Thread”

>mfw americans call Montezuma’s Revenge “Water”

>mfw americans call wiggledy piggledy nobbledy wobs “Toes”

>mfw amercians call peepee friction pleasure “Sex”

>mfw americans call a pip pip gollywock a “Screwdriver”

>mfw americans call cold on the cob a "popsicle"

>mfw americans call a slippery dippery long mover a “Snake”

>mfw americans call cobblestone-clippity-clops “Roads”

[Anonymous No.10824739]

>Work up the courage to go to an Animal Collective concert alone after reading a thread like this and people say no one cares if you're alone
>I turn up a couple minutes late
>As I walk into the event, the whole crowd turns to look at me
>One of them yells "HOLY SHIT, HE'S ALONE!"
>Whole event laughing hysterically as I take my seat
>Calls of "weirdo," "creeper," etc.
>Want to die
>After the concert, the entire audience mobs me in the hallway
>They start dancing in circles around me, chanting deliriously and laughing
>They start singing a nursery rhyme about how only virgins go to concerts alone and how I should kill myself
>I can't get away because they've joined hands and won't let me escape
>They start throwing their drinks and candy and stuff at me
>"HAHA LOOK AT THE LOSER GETTING STICKY"
>Security comes by
>They look mad but then they see me in the middle of the crowd
>One of them says "wait, did that fucker come here alone?"
>Security joins in, start using supersoakers to shoot artificial butter at me
>I'm lying in the fetal position sobbing at this point
>The dancing and chanting continues for over 13 hours
>I'm completely covered in soda, butter, and bits of candy
>Black guy goes "NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE!"
>Crowd finally disperses
>Panda Bear comes by
>Leans down, whispers in my ear "Never come here again"
>All I can do is whimper yes sir

[Anonymous No.10824741]

>>10824716
>l motorized rollinghams
every fucking time

[Anonymous No.10824836]

For a young man in the 21st century, J.K. Rowling embodies just about everything that he hates about his own mother, but can't outright say to her. An aging neoliberal single mother with an inflated sense of self-importance using twitter to cope with her increasing irrelevance. The sort of woman who hasn't seriously thought about any of her opinions, but feels the need to push them on to others and condescend to anybody who might think differently.

She is an archetype. Neither insightful nor funny nor controversial. She is a consummate mediocrity basking in the praise of similar mediocrities the world over who have projected their own aspirations on to her, satisfied that somebody like them is a billionaire. Her Christianity is an accessory. She takes everything that she's been taught by public school and daytime television and fashions a god out of it.

She conceives of public affairs in the nebulous terms of "love" and "hate". The fact that an action might fall outside of either of these two categories, or that something she deems "hateful" might in fact be the wiser choice has not occurred to her. Despite this, she is shockingly easy to bait into a bitter, spiteful rage. Furthermore, her generosity only extends as far as her personal comfort. At the end of the day, it's little more than virtue signalling and if social opinion undergoes some vast sweeping change then she'll fall in line.

In many ways, she's already missed the boat. Her brand of comfortable feminism has already fallen out of style. She just doesn't know it yet. The second wave man-hating sexual phobia that sees rape everywhere. Its frigidity is evident in her writing. Then the bizarre merger with proud slut queer positivity. The post-hoc declarations of characters' sexual proclivities. The rationalization of racial retconning. It's like she discovered a Harry Potter fan tumblr, followed a couple links, and incorporated whatever she saw, resulting in an incoherent schizophrenic worldview. That's probably exactly what happened.

Her name is fucking Joanne. Need I say more?

And one more thing. She has a surprisingly nice pair of tits that I'd really like to suck on.

She looks a lot like my own mother, but with nicer hair and way nicer tits. In fact, she's basically a more attractive version of my mother, which is great since the only thing that really held me back from fantasizing about my own mother is that she just wasn't good looking enough.

Rowling really seems like the kind of woman who'd suck her teenage son's dick. I mean it.

(CONTINUE)

[Anonymous No.10824839]

(CONTINUE)

She gets back from le ebin GIRLS NIGHT OUT XD!!! Plastered out of her mind from sipping too much shiraz or perhaps pinot grigio. Maybe she and THE GIRLS even passed around a blunt at Samantha's house. I always find it funny when Gen X women think they're being SO BAD smoking weed. Mouth full of the most expensive cheese available at Tesco and whatever crackers Georgia had to get rid of. She's cackling with laughter and sobbing as she lurches in through the front door. She has zero self-awareness when it comes to her emotions, but defends them with religious fervor.

Clumsily, she makes her way toward the living room where her son is playing video games. She sits down on his lap, suffocating him with her embrace and exhaling the stinking fumes of cheap wine right into his face. For a couple minutes, she rants about what a BITCH Leslie at the office is, before muttering the he's the only on who understands her. Briefly, she looks into his eyes, trembling all over. Then she locks her mouth with his and begins to kiss him passionately. At first he is paralyzed, but his mom is kind of hot and he'll probably never have another chance like this. He's thought about it before. He kisses back and before long she's between his legs, pawing at his penis like the cats she collects. She takes it in her mouth and sucks it like she's back in college. She's STILL GOT IT.

The next morning, she pretends not to remember anything, but blames him for the incident, finding subtle ways to punish him.

[Anonymous No.10824849]

>>10818729
>epileptic retard brain
kek

[Anonymous No.10825471]

>go to big chain bookstore
>pick up Mein Kampf, Lolita, and The God Delusion
>waiting in line for ages
>light up a stogie
>start loudly chatting up old ladies and families in line next to me
>thumb through the expensive knick-knacks next to the checkout, knocking several onto the floor, and repeatedly tell my fellow line-goers to “look at all this horseshit”
>complain that there are too few cashiers per customer, allege that this is the fault of “kikes”
>finally reach the checkout
>array the books so their covers are all facing up
>toss them onto the counter in a radial formation, all facing directly at the cashier, a slightly overweight girl in her early 20s
>she looks down at them and pauses, her jaw dropping in disbelief as the fuhrer himself stares back up at her
>blow smoke into her face and ask “some kind of problem, toots?”
>she coughs and nervously stutters the name of the book, as if to verify that someone could ever purchase it intentionally
>“yeah” I reply, before placing my index finger on the cover of Lolita, and leaning across to her side of the counter
>“and this one’s about a pedophile”
>her face is now wan with shock and horror
>“oh my god,” she mutters
>“God’s dead, honey”
>everyone around us goes dead silent
>pick up the books and leave without paying
>no one even calls security

[Anonymous No.10825612]

I became an avid reader like three months ago and I can't stop. I stopped watching tv and I don't spend much time on 4chan anymore.

Here's how I did it.

-Remember the average person reads like zero books a year. If you read 5 pages a day, you are 5 pages above the average person

-Don't force yourself to read. Commit to read 5 pages a day. I swear after three days you'll feel like reading more and after a month or so you should be reading 50-100 pages a day for pleasure

-Read various books at the same time. When I grab a difficult book or one that makes me sleepy I grab another and switch. This should refresh your head. Keep them thematically different. I read economics and fiction.

-It isn't a race. Reading slowly won't make you sleepy that fast. Try to acknowledge what books are for you to read fast and which aren't.

-Buy the physical copies. When you get the books from your own money you'll feel the need to read them to avoid the feel of wasting your money.

-Start with books highly discussed here so you feel motivated to discuss.

[Anonymous No.10825616]

You know what? Fuck you. I’ve had it. I’ve tried to play nice. I’ve tried to laugh it off. But enough is enough. The Canada-hate thing is getting old. I know we have a reputation for being kind and polite, but that ends now.

The Canada-hate has to stop. First of all, it’s based off a lie – that we’re cucked because our Prime Minister is a “cuck”, as you call it. That isn’t even true. Justin Trudeau is a former boxer, snowboarder, and environmentalist. Name me one “real” man who can claim even two of those things! Secondly, Canadians aren’t shitposters. We speak our feelings. We tell you the truth. We share our opinions. If that’s what counts as shitposting these days, then call me an Aussie. I don’t know why Americans are so intimidated by hearing genuine, thoughtful criticism of their politics, but you obviously are. All I can say to that is: deal with it. It’s the 21st century. This is the information age. If information scares you, then go back to your bumfuck trailer somewhere and hang on to your delusions. So what if we welcome refugees and are legalizing weed? Me? I’m a freethinker. I’m an idea man. I thrive off of enthusiasm. And I fucking love science. So when a Canadian is nice enough to offer you criticism, take it as a compliment. Because we want to see you thrive as a country. We want to see you progress and follow us into the future.

End Canada-hate NOW.

[Anonymous No.10825640]

Gomenasai, my name is Ken-Sama.

I’m a 27 year old American Otaku (Anime fan for you gaijins). I draw Anime and Manga on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my art and playing superior Japanese games. (Disgaea, Final Fantasy, Persona series)

I train with my Katana every day, this superior weapon can cut clean through steel because it is folded over a thousand times, and is vastly superior to any other weapon on earth. I earned my sword license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.

I speak Japanese fluently, both Kanji and the Osaka dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Japanese history and their bushido code, which I follow 100%

When I get my Japanese visa, I am moving to Tokyo to attend a prestigious High School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become an animator for Studio Ghibli or a game designer!

I own several kimonos, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Japan, so I can fit in easier. I bow to my elders and seniors and speak Japanese as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.

Wish me luck in Japan!

[Anonymous No.10825655]

This pasta is both my favorite and my least favorite.

[Anonymous No.10825711]

>>10816203
I like Katy and teh penguin of doom11111

[Anonymous No.10825714]

My grandfather actually met and was friends with Hemingway. I grew up in southern BC but we often vacationed in Sun Valley, Idaho, where my grandfather lived. My grandfather had a great sense of humour and every summer when we visited him, he would always end up telling us a Hemingway story. I only really remember one story but it just shows what a funny man my grandfather was. It was 1959 or 1960 and my grandfather was grouse hunting with Hemingway in the foothills just south of Ketchum. It was a warm afternoon and they took frequent breaks, sitting on the hillsides and looking out over the valley with their rifles in their laps as Hemingway’s health was failing. ‘Papa’ was a stern and quiet man by then. Grandfather liked to lighten the mood whenever he could. He would tease his friend and sometimes narrate the thoughts of the grouse as they wandered stupidly close to them. “Duh, what is that man pointing a gun at me for?” And then my grandfather would shoot the grouse. Pretty funny stuff. Hemingway never laughed because it wasn’t his nature, but my grandfather knew he liked the gags. After a short day of hunting, they would retire to Hemingway’s porch to smoke and sip from Hemingway’s large collection of Cuban rums. They continued this ritual several times in the summer of 1960. Mary would make delectable apple pie and grandfather and Papa would devour it. Papa rarely spoke, except to compliment his wife on her apple pie. My grandfather, picking up on this, decided to pull another gag. After another grouse-hunting session that had to be cut short due to Papa’s aching body and pervasive melancholy state, they were sitting on the porch. Papa turned to my grandfather and said, “I often feel that even with an infinite natural landscape before me, my mind is incapable of happiness.” My grandfather, seeing his opportunity, pulled a tin plate of whip cream from under his chair and said, “But I heard you love pie!” And creamed Hemingway in the face with the pie. It was a legendary prank and my grandfather told us that story a dozen times.

Papa died shortly after that, but I knew my grandfather must’ve been one of the last bits of joy he had in his life.

[Anonymous No.10825729]

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

[Anonymous No.10825753]

>>10816203
The market is changed. I feel it in asia. I feel it in the uk. I smell it on wallstreet. Much that once was, is lost. For none now trade, who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Housing Bubble. Breaks were given to the Fanny May, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven, to the Auto lords, great manufactuers and craftsmen of the detroit halls. And nine, nine stocks were gifted to the race of the shareholders , who above all else, desire power. For within these stocks was bound the strength and will to govern each fortune 500. But they were all of them, deceived. For another deal was made. In the land of Isreal, in the fires of the temple mount, the dark lord Bilderberg forged in scret a master market to control all others. And into this market he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all stocks . One Market to rule them all

[Anonymous No.10825755]

NO NO NO! A Braphog is a thicc as fuck pawg who wears yoga pants and exclusively uses the smith machine, does hip thrusts, and donkey kicks. Her gym life is her ass. Her ass is her life. She eats big and braps big.

What you are referring to is a SLAM PIG. Slam pigs are generalized roasties who usually are 5/10. They're underwhelming but an easy lay because they have no self worth. We're talking basic bitch tier. You can slap her around and make her embarrass herself and then leave without knowing her name. She's your slam piggy, and she's grateful to be getting any dick at all. Usually she sucks dick like she's swallowing a milkshake and rides you like a bucking bull until she's quickly out of breath.

Which do you brehs prefer? I'd have to go with braphogs personally. They're more high maintenance and watching that thicc ass meat brap away is really what peak performance looks like.

[Anonymous No.10825768]

A modernist protestant evangelical pastor-professor and contraceptives advocate was teaching a class on Martin Luther, known heretic. ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Luther and accept that the five solas are divine commandments, even greater than the 255 Dogmas!”

At this moment, a brave, traditionalist, monarchist Catholic soldier of Christ who had said over 15,000 Rosaries and understood the necessity of Apostolic Succession and supported all the dogmatic pronouncements of the ecumenical councils and the Supreme Pontiff stood up and held a Bible.
”Who wrote this book, pinhead?”
The arrogant pastor smirked quite heretically and smugly replied “God did, you statue-worshipping papist.”
”Wrong. The Sacred Authors, under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, dictated Holy Writ from their own historical perspectives and Mother Church collected these books under the direction of that same Holy Ghost. If sola scriptura, as you say, is true, then the Bible entered the world ex-nihilo (which means ‘from nothing’ for you non-Latin casuals), which is what the infidel Muslims say about their stupid Koran.”

The pastor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential by Joel Osteen. He stormed out of the room crying those apostate modernist tears. The same tears modernists cry for the “Jews” (who today live in such luxury that they’re allowed to practice usury). There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Martin Jack “Chick” Calvin, wished he had read more of the Church Fathers and classical biblical exegesis. He so wished he had a tradition of apologetics to rebut the Catholic student with, but he had declared all tradition fallible and man-made!
The students applauded and all registered for RCIA that day and accepted the Pope as the legitimate successor of Saint Peter. An eagle named “Doctrine” flew into the room and perched atop the Papal States flag and
shed a tear on the chalk. The Oath Against Modernism was read several times, and Cardinal Raymond Leo Burke showed up and celebrated the Extraordinary Form of the Mass.
The pastor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He converted to Catholicism and received Last Rites as he died of embarrassment, and was tossed into purgatory until such time as his soul was clean of sin.

[Anonymous No.10825773]

Prove to me that you aren't a newfag, /lit/.

[Anonymous No.10825782]

>>10816631
Shit still cracks me up

[Anonymous No.10825789]

>>10825714
Never saw this one before. I kekked heartily.

[Anonymous No.10825793]

>>10816211
The first post turns out to be the best post yet again!

[Anonymous No.10825799]

>>10819803
This is the best ever. It just doesn't get old.

[Anonymous No.10825801]

CANTO ONE

>be me, 19, decide to be less beta
>approach a random qt girl from asia
>her dark hair touched the corners of her lips
>the perfect contour sliding down her hips
>though slightly chubby, short, and fit for then
>I'd say a solid 7 out of 10
>"what's that you're reading?", I say with a smile
>"a book" she says, revealing she has guile
>"uh-uhm, ok". kill_me.png
>she laughs, "HAHA!", she says, assuring me
>that she intended not to make me nervous
>"you're fun, and cute, I think I would prefer this
>dialogue to continue at my place"
>a doubtful look inhabited my face
>before I can respond she takes my hand
>from this point on I am on unknown land

[Anonymous No.10825802]

>>10825801
CANTO TWO

>peculiar was the journey to her house
>quite off the beaten track, or thereabouts
>she stares and stares at me the whole way there
>not saying much, and neither did i dare
>we find the place and she brings me inside
>it looks as if its caught an asteroid
>"n-nice place", I say. she says we must proceed
>up to the second floor. suddenly she
>decides to tell a tidbit on the stairs
>and at this point I'm starting to get scared:
>"it's cursed. taken the lives of many men"
>"once you go up, you can't come down again"
>and now I'm sure that something is amiss ...
>I'm beta! I'm not qualified for this!
>and so of course I follow up the steps
>she beckons me some more, I acquiesce

[Anonymous No.10825808]

>>10825802
CANTO THREE

>she ushers me to follow her some more
>she takes my hand and pulls me through a door
>the room I'm in is filled with dolls and posters
>of clowns, and jesters, and Heath Ledger's Joker
>terrified of all clowns since grade the third
>my bowels begin to churn, spaghetti stirred
>and then she sat me down, rickety chair
>and into my two maelstrom eyes she stared
>"what's wrong, anon? are you about to cry?"
>my trembling lips unbolted to reply:
>"well I don't know why I came here tonight"
>"I got the feelin that somethin aint right
>"I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair"
>"and I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs"
>"clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right"
>"here I am stuck in the middle with you"

[Anonymous No.10825817]

>>10819824
10/10

[Anonymous No.10825828]

Feminine refers not just to literal females but to anything that possesses or is imagined to possess stereotypically female qualities. A man can be feminine or strike a feminine pose. Various cultures attribute "feminity" to obviously genderless features of the natural world, like the moon or the soil (ancient Chinese identified the ground as feminine, with a masculine sky above). There are feminine rhymes in poetry. If an abstract linguistic pattern can be feminine, why not a penis?

For example, a slender, smooth penis, contrasted with a blunt and veiny member. A graceful penis. A receptive penis that does not aggressively penetrate but rather allows itself to be engulfed. And isn't dribbling semen reminiscent of a breast's warm milk? A nurturing penis, a penis like a doting mother.

A feminine penis.

[Anonymous No.10825830]

>>10819824
Represents my opinion fully

[Anonymous No.10825854]

A takfiri zionist polytheist fire-worshipping professor and shiite mullah was teaching class on Ali, a known fajir

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Ali and accept that he was the most holy man the world has ever known, even greater than Muhammad!”

At this moment, a brave, devout, Sunni islamist champion who had bombed 1500 Shia temples and understood the necessity of jihad and fully supported all military decisions made by Saudi Arabia stood up and held up a copy the Quran

”Who is the true defender of the faith, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Persianly and smugly replied “The Ayatollah, you stupid Sunni”

”Wrong. Muslims don't worship a flame and 12 false prophets. If your Ayatollah is, as you say, the defender of the faith… then he would be ruling Mecca and Medina by now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Kitab al-Kafi. He stormed out of the room crying those Iranian crocodile tears. The same tears Iranians cry for the “Shia” (who today live in such apostasy that they draw pictures of the prophet) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving Saudi royal family. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Xerxes Khamenei, wished he had accepted the one true faith and become more than a jewish crusader puppet. He wished so much that his cult had legitimacy from the historical khilafa, but he himself had rejected it!

The students applauded and all destroyed false idols that day and accepted Muhammad (pbuh) as their prophet. An eagle named “Abu Bakr” flew into the room and perched atop the Saudi Arabian Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Shahadah was recited several times, and Allah himself showed up and enacted a Zakat tax across the country

The professor lost his tenure and was beheaded the next day. His body was eaten by vultures which burst into flames and died as well

Allahu Akhbar

[Anonymous No.10825855]

>spent half my life on this shithole
>absolutely nothing comes to mind
picture unrelated

[Anonymous No.10825953]

When I was 22 or 23 and was a suicidal alcoholic, I tried to flee my angry, hysterical life and find something meaningful. I hitchhiked down to California and encountered a group of PoMo beat poets traveling down the 101. The leader of the group was named Eric and wore flowery shirts and navy blue slacks and looked like Neal Cassady. He and his group picked me up in Arcata and we made our way down to San Fran in a ’69 VW Bus, drinking and fucking along the way. Eric’s best friend was named Norman and he was a real card. He wrote shitty poetry, drank craft beer from tallboy cans, and smoked cherry cigarillos. His girlfriend was a real heifer who worshiped him and was passed around the traveling van like a side of pork. When we reached cold and rainy Frisco, I walked across the long, orange, bleak Golden Gate Bridge and stared into the visceral, damp, endless night and longed to return to Kentucky where deep bluegrass hills might feed my starving star-dotted angry mind. Eric found a job for us all hocking fish on the piers in Frisco. But the tax-exemption for working in an ecologically-sustainable career was less than my weekly box-wine budget. I quit after a week and returned to the wild and crazy road: Lombard street, to be precise, where I zigged and zagged to the smooth, sad, forever sax sounds of Johnny Coltrane beneath the pale blue desolate night. The rest of the night I zagged and cried until I came upon Alamo Square where I crossed paths with Danny Tanner and his band of hip and joyful brothers who told me that honesty is, after all, the best policy, and that pussy, after all, is the best currency.
When I finally returned to Kentucky and asked Ma for more money, she instead gave me a roast and told me that if I could learn to feed myself, I would never go hungry. Sometimes I still see Eric and Danny walking up that crazy zig-zag street singing Coltrane and Billie Holiday below the meak, frightening, reflecting-ocean moonlight.

[Anonymous No.10825992]

>>10818705
blast from the passed. as in 'passed away'? dead people? sounds like a good title of a zombie shooter...

[Anonymous No.10826020]

Dude this thread is a joke. Why signal your heterosexuality like that and say what you would really do?

Why so serious? As my favorite character, the JOKER would say. It's my favorite character because he resembles me psychologically.

Learn to laugh. Learn to troll. Learn to play with your posts. This is 4chan bitch, it's not ducking rebbit.

Welcome to the madhouse. Nothing is what it seems around here.

[Anonymous No.10826202]

>>10820348

I saw Fyodor Dostoyevsky at the market in Petersburg yesterday. I told him how inspiring it was to meet him in person, but I didn't want to be uncouth and bother him and ask for
a dageurreotype or anything.
He said, "You think that the person you're meeting right now is me?"
I was taken aback, and all I could say was, "Huh?" but he kept cutting me off and going "Lord, Lord, Lord, my God," and making the sign of the cross in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my browsing and I heard him weep as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff, I saw him up front trying to sneak out of the market with his pockets stuffed with wooden crucifixes without paying. The shopkeeper was very nice and professional about it, and was like, "Sir, you will not find redemption through the crucifix or through petty theft, or even through murder." Fyodor pretended to be disturbed and not hear the shopkeeper's protestations, but eventually he returned to the counter and emptied his pockets. On top of the dozen crucifixes was a copy of Goethe's Faust, a small hatchet, a random horse bridle, and a pen knife.

When the shopkeeper began recording the items he wished to purchase on the bill, Fyodor picked up the pen knife, slit his wrist, and insisted that the shopkeeper write out the bill in his, Fyodor's, own blood to ensure that he found redemption, and then turned around and wept at me, tears streaming through his peasant beard.

The shopkeeper wrapped Fyodor's bloody arm in a cloth and wished him good health. He carried his bag of goods and just as he neared the door of the shop, Porfiry Petrovich walked in and stared at him. Fyodor paused, dropped his bag, grabbed a melon, and booked it out the door.

[Anonymous No.10826220]

>>10825612
Sounds interesting.

[Anonymous No.10826301]

>>10824836
>>10824839

This is a work of art. Slowly, the fuming critic succumbs to the seductive powers of the middle-aged feminist archetype.

[Anonymous No.10826314]

>>10825773
>using frames

[Anonymous No.10826334]

>>10816631
>hot girlfriend

she looks over cooked

[Anonymous No.10826336]

MILKY MILKY WARM AND TASTY!

MOMMY! MILKY! PLEASE BE HASTY!

REFRESHING DRINK FROM MOMMY'S UDDERS!

I WANT MOMMY'S AND NO OTHER'S!

GIVE IT! GIVE IT! GIVE IT NOW!

GIVE ME MILKY, LAZY SOW!

UNTIL YOU DO I'LL SCREAM I'LL SHOUT!

I'M CRY I'LL WHINE AND STOMP ABOUT!

UNTIL MY BELLY IS FULL AND HAPPY!

I REFUSE TO TAKE A NAPPY!

[Anonymous No.10826354]

anybody got the gucci mane is so smart pasta?

[Anonymous No.10826418]

does anyone have the
"Im 19 years old. Im smart, athletic and virile" pasta?

it used to cause major butthurt every time it was posted in 2012/2013

[Anonymous No.10826471]

>>10824716
>beef wellington ensemble with lettuce
every fucking time

[Anonymous No.10826562]

>>10816287
good one!

[Anonymous No.10826931]

>>10826418
I'm not sure if you're trolling or just have no idea who I am, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. In addition to almost 7 years as a confessed meme addict, I have moderated the largest meme forum on the Internet (at over 2 million subscribers) for over a year. You think I don't know memes? In that time I have removed over 400posts for not following subreddit guidelines. In addition to my moderation responsibilities I am one of the most active writers on knowyourmeme.com. You think I don't know memes? Then how do I write articles about them on a site called knowyourmeme? Several mainstream blogs have contacted me to ask about the recent meme phenomenon and each has been thankful and enlightened with what I had to tell them. It's not just limited to blogs though. Several companies have asked me to review their meme ads to avoid a failure like Toyota's meme commercial. Just last week a major food company contacted me with a paid offer to help them on a new ad campaign. I declined when I researched the company and saw that they had contributed money to socially conservative groups. It's safe to say that I am one of the world's foremost experts on memes and in fact there is no one I can think of that has a meme resume as impressive as mine. So please tell me, what are your qualifications to say that I don't know what a meme is?

[Anonymous No.10827184]

>>10825616
Oh here he goes again. Look at you Canada, posting on /int/ thinking you just said some smart shit.

Out of all countries that post here Canadians are the ones that piss me off the most. Their entire fucking culture makes no sense. What exactly is it that you do? Wear flannel shirts and slurp syrup?

If I think of America I think of guns, pop culture and freedom. Sure, lots of ignorant baboons but at least they wear their retardation like a badge of honor, use it as a cultural identity, their flag promotes the unity of the country with all these stripes and stars.

Germany is orderly, a country that prides itself on its rules and their citizens who follow them. It's also the country with the biggest responsibility when it comes to destroying Europe with its two world wars and government sanctioned refugee crisis. Their flag waves strong colors, black, red and gold. A dominant flag for a dominant country.

Russia is strong and stubborn to a fault. They live hard lives and don't complain about it. Obviously the entire country is pretty much a shithole but it breeds strong people who can take care of themselves. Their flag represents the cold, the white, the blue but also the burning passion in the red, it all comes together to signify that their country is bleak but there is strength in that.

But Canada, what are they fucking known for? Being "nice", i guess? Is that your role in the world? Being fucking nice? That's not an achievement. Everyone can be nice. It's easy to be nice. You just don't have to say anything bad.
So what did your fucking country decide to put on their flag to show the entire world what Canada is all about? A leaf. A FUCKING LEAF. You decided that you like to slurp your shitty syrup so damn much that you might as well put the fucking leaf that it's made of on the flag. You don't even respect your own country so why the hell should I?

[Anonymous No.10827186]

Imagine a life where you have never been great at anything, never felt the urge to be great at anything, never felt that magnetic admiration to someone who was great at something, wanted to imitate and ultimately defeat him. Just nothing. Literally all you do in life is exist. Occupy space. pass the time. You're a chick.

You're bored,tweeting about your fucking hair and not even feeling any kind of happiness from it, just soothing your constant need to be bitter and cunty and petty toward other women. Every single thing you've done in the past year was mundane, shallow, and boring. You spent the last six hours reading kinda-interesting Reddit stories about people who made interesting Halloween hats for their kids or some stupid bullshit that you think is interesting and you may say is interesting but you're not really sure if it's really interesting. You're just fucking sitting there, gestating, fermenting, with a moist hole between your legs that guarantees you'll at least never have to get up and move around and work to support yourself.

And then you see men, over in some corner, having fun. You've never seen this before. What are they even doing? Instead of their consciousnesses merely sitting in their thick skull and revolving around itself, they are imbuing their conscious energy and intentionality into external objects, crafts, goals, projects. All the bitterness and cuntiness you feel nonstop seems to be absent, as they congratulate each other for being victorious, and happily learn from someone who defeated them. These creatures are truly content to be alive. They have found purpose in a purposeless universe.

And your gaze turns back on itself, on your self, and you realise you've never had that. You can never have it. You're just a stupid cunt.

So you get up, you walk over there, and you fucking ruin everything. Just ruin the whole fucking thing. The five seconds of attention you get will be worth destroying it. Because you're a woman.

[Anonymous No.10827200]

J E Z E B E L S

[Anonymous No.10827246]

>>10826336
This is probably my favorite one. Absolute genius.

[Anonymous No.10827336]

>>10827246
I must agree, it feels so childish and yet the language makes it quite clear that it's written by an adult past adolescence which just makes the absurdity of it so strong.

[Anonymous No.10827739]

>>10824716
the first four are enough

[Anonymous No.10827775]

>>10824836
>>10824839
one of the best of all time

[Anonymous No.10827776]

>>10827739

...until you get to Cold on the Cob.

[Anonymous No.10827794]

>>10825729
gets me laughing everytime

[Anonymous No.10827849]

I remember a thread a few months ago where a guy posted about listening to music in his room with one of his mom's friends' daughters, she left behind her beanie when she left which he then proceeded to fuck.

did anyone save it? it's been on my mind for weeks.

[Anonymous No.10827858]

When I was 16 almost 17 my mother (single mother) came up to my room and said the daughter of her colleague at work asked if she could borrow my copy of Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis. I said ok but wasn't quite sure why they had been talking about that anyway. On a weekend afternoon I was playing on my pc in room alone as usual and I hear unfamiliar voices downstairs. There's a knock at my door and my mother says do I have the book since her co-worker and daughter are here. I panicked and found the book and cleaned my entire room in like 30 seconds for some reason freaking out. I even changed into a shirt and different trousers, as if I was going to a dinner or something. I went downstairs with the hardback book and stood by the door silently not wanting to interrupt their conversation. The girl and my mother noticed me but the girl's mother was saying something and didn't notice me. The girl was red-haired and pale and very cute, and seemed a little shy but not so much that it dominated her personality (like it did mine) and made her weird, "dark" or melancholy. Her mother saw them looking at me and stopped talking to turn and apologize for not seeing me. I handed over the book to the girl and she smiled and said "Thank you." I stood there with my hands in my pockets and didn't know what to do next, until my mother leaned in to talk to the woman and again and said "Hey [my name], Sarah's into her music too" and I lifted my eyebrows to show that I thought was cool and interesting on a personal level. My mother then said "why don't you show her your CDs?". This was around 2006 so I still had a ton of CDs in my room on two big vertical racks. I said ok and they began talking again leaning towards each other. I walked sideways up the stairwell not to be rude and she walked quietly behind me. In my room I closed the door a little and stood silently at the far side of the room with my hands over my genitals. The CD racks were unmissable but I could tell she didn't care. I sat on my bed and said "sit" and pointed at my swivel chair. She sat on the edge of it and shrugged her jacket off but didn't touch the sides of the chair or my desk as they were covered in semen or just dirt in general. She asked if she could use the bathroom and I walked her along the hallway and pointed inside the bathroom. She was in there for like 15 minutes and came back but didn't seem ashamed that she had probably been defecating. She sat back on the swivel chair and I put on the Californication album and pointed it out and she faked enthusiasm. We sat quietly listening to it and staring at the ground until her mother called her to leave. Her mother seemed really happy, and mine did too, as if thought we were attracted to each other. When she left I saw that her beanie hat had fallen out of her jacket pocket and onto the floor in my room. I fucked that thing for weeks until it was damp as hell and didn't smell good at all. It's probably still in my drawers at home somewhere.

[Anonymous No.10827863]

>>10827849
>>10827858

[Anonymous No.10827866]

You are now aware that you live in a world, a terrifying world, where there are people right this moment who use terms such as "canon" and "cinematic universe" when talking about films and television shows.

A terrifying world where imagined characters on a screen are required, according to those who discuss them, to adhere to "ground rules" set out by the creators of said-characters. A terrifying world where those that discuss these characters and their actions, are actually enraged if said-characters deviate from the mannerisms expected of them, the mannerisms that may have initially been set in the pages of a comic book.

Think about that. A comic book. For children. Yes, pictures and words on the same page, which are meant to be read by children, that are actually read by adults who then bicker and express their frustration at film-translations of these comic books not being "faithful". Faithful to a comic book. That's supposed to be read by young children.

This is your world. This is the world of capeshit. Terrifying, isn't it?

[Anonymous No.10827891]

Just stop. If you ever post here again, I will fuckin’ choke slam you into a coffee table, with any luck it will be one of those old school antique coffee tables that was made out of the really good wood from deep in the fucking forest and not that Ikea bitch that explodes like a fucking stunt table. I will put you right through it, and pull you up by your god damn larynx and then right through the dry wall, my hand would be disappearing into the wall like I just fisted a fucking horse. Then I’d pull you out, you’d have plaster all over your fucking hair, you’d be deprived of 3 quarters of your oxygen, and you’d start to cry. Then I’d just whisper into your ear, really calmly, like one of those bad guys in one of those great 80’s movies with Mel Gibson, or fucking Stallone or whatever, where once the goons would get him tied up and the head bad guy that’s running bitch would come in all relaxed with his dress shoes and suit and would just come up and put his face like parallel to the other dude’s face and just come in and whisper in the guy’s ear nice and calmly. That’s what I’d do to you, as you’re struggling to breath, I’d put my head right next to your ear and just be like “If you ever post in this section again, I will fucking kill you. You understand me? The only reason you’re not dead right now is because I haven’t figured out how to get away with it yet. If you even come in this section again, I swear to god, I will grab you by your fucking baby fat and the top of your fucking head and I will throw you upside down through a bay window” As you sit out there in the rain, picking the glass and the wood shards out of your body, I’m gonna take a tray of hot macaroni and throw it right on your fucking face. That’s what I’ll do if you ever post here again.

[Anonymous No.10827895]

>>10820304

[Anonymous No.10827936]

>>10818087
My favorite incarnation:

[Anonymous No.10827945]

>>10818703
?

[Anonymous No.10827954]

>>10825953
What's this? It's amazing. I could read a whole novel of this.

[Anonymous No.10827967]

>>10820284
'An orse?

[Anonymous No.10827998]

>>10827967
i'm a good girl i am

[Anonymous No.10828016]

Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is fuck another 16 year old in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Arnold and not only sit in that chair while Jamie Lee Curtis flaunts her disgusting body in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing her stretchmarks and leathery skin, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while she perfected that dance. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone on set tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of blondes and supermodels and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Austria. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled stomach as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in her "statuesque (for that is what she calls herself)" beauty, the beauty she worked so hard for with personal trainers in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this room before the studio security could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Arnold. You're not going to lose your future political career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

[Anonymous No.10828023]

>>10824716
shit i can't breathe

[Anonymous No.10828164]

It was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessica. She is really damn hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to **** her. So be it.

I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferrari?s have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya.

Flash forward 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I?m holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I?m ****ing her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says ?harder.? V-TEC just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn?t disagree with them.

I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home

[Anonymous No.10828851]

>>10816732
Yeah same hahahahaha

[Anonymous No.10829079]

>>10824716
I haven't seen this one in years

[Anonymous No.10829279]

man, I was trying to post some of the surgeon spam but it wouldnt let me

[Anonymous No.10829579]

>>10820066
2nd american civil war
all under heaven, long united must once again be redivided

[Anonymous No.10829885]

I am sick and tired of this. Every day I come to /lit/, and every day there is at least one thread up with an OP image of an attractive woman dressed scantily and posing seductively. It's probably the same one or two people who do it honestly. Let me tell you something, you faggot pieces of shit who are doing this: you are the poster child for everything that is wrong in literature, art, and society as a whole today. You are incapable of coming up with anything creative, thought provoking, or of substance, and you lack even the smallest modicum of intelligence, so you use "style" and "flash" and pizazz in place of it and to draw attention to yourself, because that's the only way your SHIT "creation" and ideas would ever get seen by anyone. And before you say anything, this has NOTHING to do with the fact that I don't have a girlfriend. Anyway, I will be petitioning the owner of this website to ban your asses, so enjoy being able to post here while it lasts, because it's not going to last long, just like you that one time you convinced an obese girl to let you fuck her.

[Anonymous No.10830142]

>>10827954

It's my impersonation of Kerouac.

[Anonymous No.10830157]

>>10816203
somebody pls post the "every fucking day with these stupid fucking memes" one

[Anonymous No.10830420]

>three hundred years from now there will be a 400-level copypasta course at a prestigious university
>the professor will be a cranky old man and refuse to grade on a curve
>tfw only got a 55 on my navy seals analysis essay

[Anonymous No.10830445]

>>10816211
Underrated

[Anonymous No.10830580]

>>10829885
personal favorite

[Anonymous No.10830587]

>>10830445
For you

[Anonymous No.10830631]

>>10829885
was waiting for this one

this one also:

A young, fresh and cherry STEM student walks into the halls of a sterile English department with his head held high. Stern and with a proud heave, he bellows through the cavern at the beanie-sporters scattered through the hall:

" WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER STUDY, HEATHENS? "

Seven fragrant dreadlocked beards spew coffee from their continental gullets. Free-range hens shuffle out a window somewhere.

" WORDS ON A PAGE OR THE FUCKING COSMOS? "

An emergency evacuation is called. Afghan clogs stuff the exit. Native tears are shed. A triad of cauldrons full to brim with boiling kamquat loose their bellies with a fever on the frantic patrons all around. The shelves are raided. Looters stuffing oriental knapsacks leave no kitsch untouched.

From the roaring depths of chaos in the halls, through sheets of stirring fire: calm and rigid comes up looming in the haze a stoic English professor, tailored suit to keen perfection, forty thousand pages full of Marx and further reading in an unstained palm.

Expressionless, with firm phenomenologic hold on mind and body, he whispers to the STEM student, currently engaged in evil laughter:

" What would you rather study, child? "

The student is hushed. Voiceless. The man has snared his subjectivity entirely.

" Nature - or the nature of nature? "

Of an instant all the place is silent. In the corner, captive underneath the groins of several existential theists, one brave soul begins to clap. Soon the place is flooded with cheer.

The next day, all sciences were cancelled nationwide. The shells of disenfranchised rockets sheltered lonely bohemians everywhere. All was well.

[Anonymous No.10830857]

>>10816287
Topkek

[Anonymous No.10830938]

Navy Seal, without a doubt.

[Anonymous No.10830953]

>>10820316
Äyyy

[Anonymous No.10830954]

Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.
Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.
Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!
Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere.

[Anonymous No.10830955]

>>10830142
But I'd heard Kerouac was shit. This must mean one or more of the following are true:
My tastes are shit (unconceivable).
Kerouac is actually good.
He isn't, but you're better.
I hope it's the latter and you're working at several of your magnuses operas right now.

[Anonymous No.10830956]

>>10830954
On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.
Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch.
Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.

[Anonymous No.10831125]

>>10816732

Holy Jesus, you're here a long, long time.

When was this first posted on /b/, what year?

[Anonymous No.10831384]

I am a connoisseur of the "gretty buod" post, which only occured within the past to weeks, but as a newfag, is one of the best pasta-able posts I've witnessed.

[Anonymous No.10831632]

>>10824836
I love that copypasta but the break is in the wrong place. It should be after "Need I say more?"

[Anonymous No.10831704]

I have a confession to make to all of you…

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman whose light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

[Anonymous No.10831707]

>>10831704
Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun.

[Anonymous No.10831711]

>>10831707
You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

[Anonymous No.10831714]

>>10831711
Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

[Anonymous No.10831718]

>>10831714
Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

[Anonymous No.10831722]

>>10831718
You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

[Anonymous No.10831727]

>>10831722
Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

[Supernal No.10831756]

>>10816203

DON DE KITA

Michael Ozone is my spirit animal