/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.15226554]

Which is the most /lit/ mental illness?

[Anonymous No.15226585]

>>15226554
bipolar

[Anonymous No.15226588]

>>15226554
Tripolar.

[Anonymous No.15226593]

Mental illnesses are not /lit/

A real lit illness is alcoholism or tuberculosis

[Anonymous No.15226598]

Alcoholism and delusions of any kind

[Anonymous No.15226606]

Trump derangement syndrome

[Anonymous No.15226770]

Schizoid Personality Disorder

[Anonymous No.15226956]

pure ocd for feeling like the worst person on the planet. ocd has the guilt of being horrible but not actually being horrible. awesome.

[Anonymous No.15227109]

>>15226770
This

[Anonymous No.15227236]

>>15226554
"mental illnesses" aren't real.

[Anonymous No.15227540]

>>15226554
OCD + derealization/disassociation

[Anonymous No.15227628]

>>15227540
>>15226956
This. OCD but not in the ‘teehee I like things to be tidy’ kind of way. OCD as in the souls crushing guilt that constantly plagues your mind every day even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

[Anonymous No.15227655]

>>15226554
the chad in this pic is me, except instead of anime i pretend like i am the main character in a postmodern novel and everything that happens to me highly ironic and complexly significant

[Anonymous No.15227657]

>>15227628
OCD is hell.

[Anonymous No.15227668]

>>15226554
Do you guys actually have maladaptive daydreaming? I spent most of my life thinking I was uniquely messed up because of the motor stereotypies, until I found Eli Somer's papers

[Anonymous No.15227727]

>>15227668
I do. I spend hours unconsciously pacing whenever I daydream, it's most prevalent at night though. I assumed I was very wonked as well, since I have entire world and storylines within my mind, but I'm comforted knowing I'm not totally retarded.

[Anonymous No.15227739]

Avoidant Personality Disorder and C-PTSD

[Anonymous No.15227744]

Gender dysphoria

[Anonymous No.15227748]

>>15226554
Mental illness isn’t real and it’s a term used for people who can’t properly adapt to the modern unhuman and artificial environment of man

[Anonymous No.15227750]

>>15226554
Quadpolar.

[Anonymous No.15227808]

It’s sad to see /lit/ pathologize itself with all sorts of (((labels))). Modern medicine likes to pathologize anything that prevents someone from functioning as a worker drone. Not that legitimate mental illness doesn't exist, but one should be careful to distinguish between depressive tendencies inherited from one's parents and depression as a legitimate response to the materialist hellscape we live in; the latter is hardly a "disease".

[Anonymous No.15227863]

>>15227657
Have you gotten through it anon? I think I might have it and it’s horrific. I want to take some sort of medical test so that I have a diagnosis. I think a diagnosis will be helpful as I have solid evidence that it’s just in my head. I’m thinking of therapy or just some sort of drug to make my brain shut up. I heard Zoloft is good.

[Anonymous No.15227878]

>>15227863
Even a diagnosis won't help you think it's "not just in you head" as almost every person with OCD obsesses over whether they actually have it or not. I haven't gotten through it entirely, but my obsessions cycle over periods of months. I would still get a diagnosis just to make it official, but it won't give you that peace of mind. I would give a neutral recommendation for medication, as it helped me with most of my thoughts but I obsessed over sobriety and stopped taking my meds. I don't plan to take medications again, which helps soothe the fear of not being in control of my thinking.

[Anonymous No.15227917]

>>15226770
/thread
Those who walk the line between genius and madness are our evolved form

[Anonymous No.15227960]

>>15227727
Very similar, although as I've gotten older the content of my daydreams has shifted noticeably. I mostly daydream about real life situations now, which is kind of depressing.

Dr. Somer had a trial of online "therapy" for treating MD that I signed up for, but it was pretty much just generic mindfulness exercises that I eventually couldn't keep up with because of grad school.

[Anonymous No.15227976]

>>15227744
any authors with this ? Dont think ive ever read anything by a tranny

[Anonymous No.15227992]

>>15227863
>>15227878
Supposedly cognitive behavioral therapy can help. I think I have it too.

[Anonymous No.15228125]

>>15227668
>spend morning thinking about strange dream I had the night before where I was establishing orbit around a rainbow, swirling planet in a circular space station with my father and a prof of mine.
>best part of my day is my 30min walk to and from class where I imagine myself as a deserted hunter on a war-torn planet, checking my traps and occasionally looking up at the dead space freighters and fracture moon in the sky.
>lots of times my mind wanders in class to what my future will be like, memories, theoretical relationships with girls.
>nights are usually spent contemplating finality and death, my late grandfather and his sorties
Though excessive daydreaming/thinking comes packaged with aspie and neurotic tendencies I’d rather be like this than an empty npc husk. I doesn’t affect my grades at all, though I don’t have much of a social life. Sorry for blog post

[Anonymous No.15228180]

>>15227992
>>15227878
Ocd is one of the worst mental illnesses, mainly because it’s so hard to talk about. I wish I had depression or anxiety instead of this.
Most people don’t even know what OCD is and just think it’s a quirky personality trait

[Anonymous No.15229572]

>>15227976
Me desu

[Anonymous No.15229633]

>>15227628
>even when you’ve done nothing wrong
That's what you tell yourself, kiddo.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15229651]

[Anonymous No.15229659]

>>15227668
Hell yeah mang, wagecuck life is a fucking breeze when you can pretty much play a movie inside your head whenever you want.

[Anonymous No.15229717]

>>15227668
Yes, when people find my journals and drawings about my day dreams they're going to call it outsider art.

[Anonymous No.15229725]

ADHD
I read several books at once and struggle to read a full page without getting lost in my own thoughts

[Anonymous No.15229747]

/lit/: schizoid personality
/g/: autism
/sci/: schizophrenia

[Anonymous No.15229749]

Define mental health

[Anonymous No.15229763]

Schizoaffective. The best of both worlds.

[Anonymous No.15229788]

>>15226554
I think I have both. The former makes it so I can do nothing but stay in bed and enact the latter.

[Anonymous No.15229822]

>>15227739
Yup

[Anonymous No.15230602]

>>15227976
in all seriousness, are/ have there been any good trans authors?

[Anonymous No.15230621]

>>15229659
I don't think you know what maladaptive daydreaming is, or else you have a job where you don't actually have to do anything

[Anonymous No.15230631]

>>15230602
Pynchon

[Anonymous No.15230643]

>>15229747
/x/ - Schizophrenia
/sci/ - Inferiority Complex
/b/ - Normal

[Anonymous No.15230830]

>>15226554
>reads biology textbooks to get enough fuel for his imaginary worldbuilding which is constructed at the microscopic level

[Anonymous No.15231072]

>>15226554
guess I'm a chad, I have a whole universe with several stories in it, but it's all in my head. I should write a book but I always end up daydreaming in front of a blank open office page.

[Anonymous No.15231093]

>>15228125
I'm like you. I accepted that the world wasn't for, I only do the minimum needed to make my life continue. My body is here, but my mind wanders.

[Anonymous No.15231111]

>>15226554
Stage 4 lung cancer

[Anonymous No.15231135]

>>15226770
this

[Anonymous No.15231975]

>>15228125
>>best part of my day is my 30min walk to and from class where I imagine myself as a deserted hunter on a war-torn planet, checking my traps and occasionally looking up at the dead space freighters and fracture moon in the sky.

That's one of the most evocative things I've read on /lit/ in some time, my based charlie brown pepe fren.

[Anonymous No.15231997]

>>15227540
me on the left

[Anonymous No.15232002]

>>15227668
I used to. Once I became more functioning it went away. I prefer life without it

[Anonymous No.15232003]

>>15229717
look up in the realms of the unreal bro

[Anonymous No.15232249]

High functioning psychopathology of course.

[Anonymous No.15232273]

>>15226554
Just autism. I’ve suspected quite a few people here were autistic. Not schizod because they form coherent thoughts but it’s so narrow minded and repetitive it comes off as autistic. /schizod/ is x

[Anonymous No.15232354]

Are you guys sure Maladaptive Daydreaming isn't just Autism for art students?

[Anonymous No.15232364]

>>15232354
I had no idea Maladaptive Daydreaming. But it does sound very similar to severe autism.

[Anonymous No.15232498]

>>15226554
How do I learn about the one on the right, or any philosphers describing something similar to this? I feel a connection to the chad depicted here.

[Anonymous No.15232760]

>>15232498
I’m glad someone like my meme. I’m the one who made it and I styled it on an exaggeration of my life. What would you like to know?

[Anonymous No.15232794]

>>15231111
looks like my mom is /lit/

[Anonymous No.15232814]

>>15232354
>pacing around room for hours talking to imaginary people
thank christ i thought i was the only one

[Anonymous No.15233328]

>>15231093
A good management strategy to this is just productive activity. Clean your house/apartment vigorously every weekend. Put an effort into cooking, and get plenty of exercise. Consider commuting by bike. All these things have an element of concentration to them but you can still think in the background, and it might help you learn to balance responsibility and contemplation so you don’t end up as a Socratic quack who eschews life.

>>15231975
Thank you :)

[Anonymous No.15233435]

>>15228125
Why hello, dream fren

[Anonymous No.15233464]

>>15232354
Dam I got tested for autism when I was little and they said I don't have it, but this sounds like me. I will literally imagine scenarios and tear up at them like a fucking weirdo. I also talk a lot of nonsense when I'm by myself and literally have stuffed animals with personalities that I talk to.

[Anonymous No.15233545]

>>15228125
What you're not supposed to do this?

[Anonymous No.15233603]

>>15227668
Yeah but I use it exclusively to have sex with women I see in public. I strip them down, play with them, imagine them doing naked acrobatics on the straps that hang from the ceiling in public transport. The way I see it, since it feels real to me and since I saw her naked and felt the sensation and experience of fucking her, then I literally fucked her. It's almost rape, like psychic rape. Especially if you consider the self to be made up of both your own self image and the image others have of the self. Used to daydream a lot more but for the past couple NEET years I've lost touch and now it usually only happens right before I go to sleep or when I wake up in the morning.

[Anonymous No.15233714]

>>15227808
People will always say 'be the change you want to see in the world' but then when confronted with such ideas they say 'yeah man you're totally right.. buuuut... you know lets get back to reality here.' its crazy. Nobody wants to be the one to take a leap of faith (or reason), fair enough I guess.

[Anonymous No.15233873]

>>15230621
To be fair maladaptive daydreaming isn't even an officially recognized condition, so shits still kind of a free for all.

[Anonymous No.15233938]

>>15226554
atheism

[Anonymous No.15233990]

>>15226554
I have maladaptive daydreaming and it's made me incompetent and depressed

[Anonymous No.15233997]

>>15227668
Do you have a link to said papers?

[Anonymous No.15234024]

>>15230643
>/b/
>Normal

[Anonymous No.15234032]

Male BPD

[Anonymous No.15234094]

>>15230643
nu-/x/ is more histrionic than anything.

[Anonymous No.15234157]

>>15226554
Real chads make tulpas

[Anonymous No.15234222]

>>15233990
White Nights, Dostoevsky

[Anonymous No.15234250]

>>15227748
depending what you mean by real, a surprising number of intelligent psychotherapists would agree with you

[Anonymous No.15234263]

>>15226554
Sorry for this shitty blogpost, I just need to vent.
It feels like I have MD-lite, because I have a absolutely horrible habit of pacing whenever I start daydreaming. I.e., every so often I will stop in the middle of what I'm doing and walk around my house for 30+ minutes. However, the actual content of my daydreams are mostly shitty half-baked snippets of stories that play on repeat in my head until another thought forces my attention on it. Me in my childhood was more closer to Chad in OP's pic, but that me is long gone and the new me cycles through the same political power fantasies and coomer shit every day until I die. I constantly attempt to break out of it, with efforts to develop real stories with worldbuilding and cultivate creativity, but my atrophied brain won't allow it. I know I don't belong in the real world but my escape can barely be considered any better. I'm probably going to the way of candlebro unironically or just kill myself and hope my next meathouse will be better.

[Anonymous No.15234292]

>>15234263
>>15234263
you need a better muse. a target that consumes you but it is far out of reach should be enough to drive you to make a creative story.
get busy, get a social life and never stop writing those thoughts. as you distant yourself from excess jouissance you;re focus will improve
don't force it. just stay busy with novel but unexciting activites. no high highs or low lows. just smooth sailing and bored creative energy

[Anonymous No.15234303]

>>15234263
You sound similar to me. Spend more time in nature would be my recommendation.

[Anonymous No.15234599]

>>15232354
Damn I do that last one all the time.

[Anonymous No.15234613]

Anyone else have the type of OCD where your brain constantly makes you do challenges?

It's the most frustrating thing that I cannot stop doing. When I open the garage door, my mind tells me to get in my car and put my seat belt on before it fully opens, or I'll die in a car wreck. Whenever I climb stairs, I'm told to hold my breath while I'm on them, or I'll die. If I don't count my zoloft pills ten times, I'll die. If I don't stop the microwave timer on exactly 0:07, I'll die. If I don't take exactly two steps on the carpet between my bathroom and my bedroom, I'll die.

If I try to hold off these urges, I feel like something's trying to come out of my skin, like being trapped in a latex bodysuit without a zipper. Sometimes, I don't even notice that I'm doing these things until after I do them. I'm literally just watching myself drive towards a cliff with a brick on the gas.

[Anonymous No.15234862]

alcoholism and tobacco addiction

[Anonymous No.15234895]

>>15226770
how is /lit/ be schizoid when /x/ exists?

[Anonymous No.15234916]

>>15226770

[Anonymous No.15234920]

>>15230643
>>15234094
Yes /pol/ is schizophrenic now

[Anonymous No.15235313]

>>15227540
Is it better to be a cringe genius or a based retard?

[Anonymous No.15235351]

>>15235313
based retard at least provides some benefits

[Anonymous No.15235573]

>>15227739
Schizoids > Avoidants

[Anonymous No.15235579]

>>15226554
Autism. They don't have an ego at all.

[Anonymous No.15235583]

>>15234916
Shit, I'm almost 40 and that image sounds a lot like me.

[Anonymous No.15235591]

>>15227917
Schizoids, as far as I'm aware, achieve little and less in life due to their general disinterest in externals.

An individual who, "walks the line between genius and madness" is hardly a fitting description of those with SPD.

[Anonymous No.15235605]

Psychosis, just pure fucking psychosis.

[Anonymous No.15236146]

>>15234613
why is the consequence always dying?

[Anonymous No.15236242]

>>15231072
it’s cuz writing is harder than thinking

[Anonymous No.15236508]

>>15235573
it´s not a competition

[Anonymous No.15236538]

>>15233328
Yeah I already bike to uni, I lift, I read.

[Anonymous No.15236552]

>>15236508
is what a loser would say

[Anonymous No.15236554]

>>15234613
I do this too, but I'm thinking "if I don't do this, there will be a butterfly effect that will lead to ww3"

[Anonymous No.15236667]

>>15236552
shut up reddit

[Anonymous No.15236941]

>>15236667
Seethe more cluster b tranny

[Anonymous No.15236955]

>>15236667
cute pic

[Anonymous No.15236964]

>>15236941
i´m not a tranny

[Anonymous No.15236972]

>>15236964
is what a tranny would say

[Anonymous No.15236991]

>>15236972
ok

[Anonymous No.15237004]

>tfw schizophrenic

[Anonymous No.15237049]

>>15228180
I dunno, I think I have a mild case and it doesn't affect me very much at this point. I just blink at very specific intervals, nobody even notices.

[Anonymous No.15237060]

>>15227655
That's what happens to me when I'm on psychedelics, everything that happens around me seems to have deep metaphorical and symbolic value behind it

[Anonymous No.15237110]

haha yes mental illness is really epic almost like a superpower am I right guys

[Anonymous No.15237124]

>>15228125
the keyword is maladaptive. what you are describing is experienced by almost everyone

[Anonymous No.15237180]

>>15237124
not by regular people, no

[Anonymous No.15237195]

I have been wishing for 10 years that I really would really go insane, to end the suffering

[Anonymous No.15237209]

>>15234263
>half-baked snippets of stories that play on repeat
this is very relatable, my mind always goes to the same lines of reasoning or scenarios, or rather they pop up, unless I concentrate on thinking about something specific. It's like I just tap out and my mind goes on autopilot while I forget my surroundings and at some point, usually only a few minutes, i will realize that it happened. I think the key issue there is that I don't even need to be disinterested in whatever I am doing like how usual daydreaming happens.This in itself doesn't bother me because I don't have anything better to do most of the time regardless but what is annoying are repeating thoughts about simply unpleasant stuff that I have already explored in detail as to see if there might be something revealed that I may try to hide. This creates a kind of self examining cycle I can't seem to get out of. Not having anything to do most of the time certainly doesn't help increasing the amounts of things I could think about.

[Anonymous No.15237221]

>>15237180
so you think regular people don't daydream when they have nothing to do or get bored? That's just plain retarded.

[Anonymous No.15237227]

>>15237221
you just dont get it, man

[Anonymous No.15237238]

>>15227863
Not that anon, but I've developed breathing OCD, I breathe manually every minute of the day, can't focus on something more than 2 or 3 minutes without coming back to my breath, I can't fucking sleep at night from suffocation, have at least 3 massive panic attacks every night, shit sucks, only thing that works for this is being blackout drunk or near that. Tried weed, didn't make it any better.

[Anonymous No.15237247]

>>15237238
psilocybin mushrooms has been shown in studies to help treat OCD, you can buy them legally in the Netherlands

[Anonymous No.15237253]

>>15237221
Unironically no.

[Anonymous No.15237289]

>>15237253
Because of those "studies" about people lacking an internal monologue? I think that's all bs. Same with people who think they can't picture a red apple because they just get confused by the way the task is worded and assume the minds eye works differently than it does.
This ties in neatly with the threads theme tho. People pretending to have a personality disorder and people pretending to be retarded is pretty much the same thing.

[Anonymous No.15237315]

>>15226770
I have been diagnosed Schizoid. It's not that good.

[Anonymous No.15237466]

>>15237315
the wikipedia article said schizoids dont really suffer from their condition so you must be one of those cornflakes larping for attention

[Anonymous No.15237470]

>>15237247
>you can buy them legally in the Netherlands
I was under the impression they sold truffles, not mushrooms.

They (mushrooms) can also be grown relatively easily, which is nice, because they aren't sold legally anywhere else (that i'm aware of).

[Anonymous No.15237484]

>>15237470
>truffles, not mushrooms
effectively the same thing

[Anonymous No.15237494]

>>15237466
peak pseud

[Anonymous No.15237514]

>>15236146
>>15234613
My consequences are usually myself dying or people I love dying, but the worst ones are the sexual/violent ones.

[Anonymous No.15237521]

>>15237494
keep simulating more, dunno why you would pick something so boring as spd tho but maybe there i a market out there for it. In any case you will always know that I saw right through you. Even if you yourself couldn't do it.

[Anonymous No.15237552]

>>15226554
based

[Anonymous No.15237560]

>>15235583
you should stop it and escape the endless rolling ball, detox.

[Anonymous No.15237561]

>>15237521
>implying >>15237494 and >>15237315 is the same person
>implying that a wiki article is enough to understand the complexities of schizoid personality disorder
>implying "not good" is synonymous with suffering
forever doomed room temperature iq midwit

larp harder

[Anonymous No.15237574]

>>15237514
>but the worst ones are the sexual/violent ones

[Anonymous No.15237579]

>>15226554
Monopolar

[Anonymous No.15237586]

>>15237289
i think this post shows a significant lack of empathetic ability thats most commonly associated with autism

[Anonymous No.15237609]

>>15237561
I see you are employing this unnatural and disjointed communication style to dissociate yourself from the conversation.This isn't a fight anon, we can talk like normal people.

>>15237586
Nice joke my friend. I understand your humor perfectly and am glad we can share this moment.

[Anonymous No.15237628]

>>15237609
>This isn't a fight anon
you're right, its a beat down. a fight implies you had a chance

>we can talk like normal people
there is nothing to discuss

[Anonymous No.15237680]

>>15237628
wow damn you got me there, hope his will give you some nice material for your next maladaptive daydreaming sesh

[Anonymous No.15237690]

>>15237609
i understand where youre coming from when you say that people make up disorders for attention, and i 100% agree with you on that aphantasia bs
overall i think that psychology on the whole is pseudoscience, but im just trying to say that i can relate to people who daydream the majority of their time while awake, nothing more

[Anonymous No.15237780]

>>15237690
alright thats cool I already forgot what we were talking about anyway :)

[Anonymous No.15237826]

>>15226598
/thread

[Anonymous No.15237829]

>>15226554
How do i get this

[Anonymous No.15237836]

>>15227628
>even when you’ve done nothing wrong
But, anon, living is wrong. Don't you feel the abyss calling you?

Also, spine sniffing (of books)

[Anonymous No.15237854]

mental illness is a spook

[Anonymous No.15237858]

>>15230602
Wachowsky brothers (delete delete) sisters

[Anonymous No.15237933]

Schizophrenia B)

[Anonymous No.15238028]

>>15237854
This.

[Anonymous No.15238094]

>>15228125
This is just normal dreaming space cadet.
I have ADHD and I do it whenever I have a desire to. My trains of thought lead to amazing and unpredictable places, I never run out of ideas it seems.

[Anonymous No.15238109]

>>15227668
I do. Unless I'm an social environment, I'll spend most of my time pacing around and imagining stuff. There have been multiple instances where, while daydreaming, I spent several hours walking in circles in my room non-stop.

[Anonymous No.15238120]

>>15229747
>>15230643
/x/ - Schizophrenia
/sci/ - inferiority complex
/mu/ - manic candid episode
/b/ - nymphomania and pedophilia
/pol/ - b + paranoid schizophrenia
/g/ - all of the above but cyberpunk

[Anonymous No.15238132]

>>15231072
Learn to touch type and then type out what you're thinking, stream-of-thought style.

[Anonymous No.15238149]

>>15233464
> he still has stuffed animals

[Anonymous No.15238203]

How can I enhance my daydreaming? I thought I had maladaptative daydreaming, but some people here make it seem like something stronger and I want some of that shit right now.

[Anonymous No.15238238]

>>15238203
Take four tabs of acid, look at pictures of rotting animal carcasses, and shout "NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE" over and over until the daydreams start

[Anonymous No.15238317]

how do you guys feel when getting bored of one world and moving on to another? it always kind of hurts at first as if I'm losing something I really love but I always get over it within a few days or so

[Anonymous No.15238368]

>>15238120
Accurate.

[Anonymous No.15238374]

>>15238238
What is the polar opposite of doing this fucked up shit on acid?

[Anonymous No.15238426]

>>15226554
I genuinely believe I might have something bad like schizoid or dissociative identity disorder. I have blackouts and memory problems.

[Anonymous No.15238429]

>>15238317
I'm extremely promiscuous with my daydreaming, in the sense that I'm not attached to my worlds at all. I create dozens of worlds a day, and most of them are never visited or even remembered again. The few times that I feel linked to a world, I might visit it again when I feel nostalgic. It's pretty rare, though.

[Anonymous No.15238734]

>>15230602
unabombette

[Anonymous No.15238782]

>>15234916
>Barely reads, just thinks
Absolute cringe

[Anonymous No.15239459]

>>15231111
Check'd em

[Anonymous No.15239482]

>>15227540
had severe derealization for like two years after an intensely bad mushroom trip. that shit sucked. not sure if it went away or I just got used to it and the dissociation became my new normal

[Anonymous No.15239516]

>>15234916
Seriously though, what the fuck are you supposed to do if this describes you to a T

[Anonymous No.15239548]

>>15227668
the past 3 days i spent refreshing the same two 4chan threads and pacing around the house imagining scenarios

[Anonymous No.15239552]

>>15239516
why do you feel the need to do something?

[Anonymous No.15239559]

>>15239552
i'm unhappy and certain topics make me depressed for no reason

[Anonymous No.15239585]

>>15239559
im happy but im pretty sure i have an extremely tenuous grasp on my self-satisfaction so im not sure i can offer any good advice
maybe uuuuuuhh learn a new skill? eh?

[Anonymous No.15239596]

>>15239585
i want to create art and maybe games but i'm kind of retarded, learning things is really difficult
also i can't muster up motivation to do so because it feels like i'll still be unhappy

[Anonymous No.15239621]

>>15232354
>begins in childhood
motherfucker we never had a chance

[Anonymous No.15239648]

>>15239596
>it feels like i'll still be unhappy
if you dont believe that material things can make you happy, then you need to focus on finding peace with yourself before you try to fix the outside things in your life

[Anonymous No.15240073]

>>15237574
This is why discussing OCD is hard. You come off as insane when you describe that you have an obsession over a theoretical possibility of going on a rape-murder spree. Anytime I touch a knife I'm flooded by images of hurting people around me. I don't want it, but it happens.

[Anonymous No.15240102]

>>15239482
I've become used to it. I'd describe derealization as looking at something and having the feeling that it is an artistic rendition or a mimic of the original. When I depersonalize, it's also pretty similar for for my own body. I feel like a flesh puppet in a world of clay. Sometimes I look around and struggle to accept that there is a reality beyond the walls, or I'll look at someone talking and their mouth movement feel unnatural. I can't tell if I hate it more than the OCD though.

[Anonymous No.15240122]

OCD compulsions like scratching wounds through blood everday just repeating several rituals going in circles everyday , stuck in HP lovecraftian loop , craving for abyss.
>tfw already in hell
>tfw literally Sisyphus

[Anonymous No.15240141]

>>15239516
become a buddhist monk so you can make your imagined friends real

[Anonymous No.15240142]

>>15227657
>>15227628
>>15227863
Based, fellow OCDchads suffering in here too. Really nothing chadly about it, though, it's horrible. Ever since this damn stuff kicked in I haven't been able to live normally, it's been at least 6 or 7 years now.

To that one anon, though, Luvox does help. It's specifically made for OCD, and when I'm taking it the soulcrushing terror of losing everything you love and that makes you special that inexplicably comes when you open 11 tabs instead of 10 or whatever is replaced by mild irritation to moderate agitation, depending on the severity. You still gotta do the things, but it's more of a firm suggestion that you can ignore than 5000 screams and hands ripping you to shreds.

Lil sad I missed the discussion, I wanted to share OCD feels with some other folks who have it for real.

[Anonymous No.15240223]

>>15240073
i think about that a lot too anon

[Anonymous No.15240254]

>>15226585
based comma almost every moment of my life is hell

[Anonymous No.15240286]

>>15240142
Sounds awful. I thought I had it bad when I would remember something and say to myself man dying is gunna be great.

[Anonymous No.15240290]

>>15232354
What the fuck. I've done this all my life though, I didnt realize it was an issue or some type of mental illness. Is it even an illness or is it just a behavioral trait? Also is there a spectrum because I feel like the description might be vague enough to where people think it applies to them when it's actually more of a specific thing.

[Anonymous No.15240308]

None, I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

[Anonymous No.15240326]

>>15234263
I think this is mostly how I feel. I used to fantasize for hours as a kid just pacing back and forth imagining I'm some fantasy fighter based on an anime I've seen or movie I watched. It was mostly power fantasies where I was the most powerful character of said universe. Now I mostly have imagined conversations with friends where I actually express my deeper concerns with them and they respond in ways I assume they would. It actually kinda helped my depression because I could sorta get things off of my chest without any risk

[Anonymous No.15240343]

>>15234916
I still read though. It's mostly fuel for thought

[Anonymous No.15240354]

>>15240142
It's hell. I can't drive because every time I touch the wheel I imagine either intentionally driving into something and killing everyone or I imagine losing control. Are there long term effects with Luvox? I've heard SSRIs have long term issues, and when I took fluoxetine in my teens I felt fairly numb.

[Anonymous No.15240359]

>>15240122
checked and based, one must imagine an anon happy

[Anonymous No.15240482]

>>15240354
I dunno. Probably. But it's pretty much the lesser of two hells for us, haha. I've tried tons of meds, and none help that terror and remove the feeling of ABSOLUTE NECESSITY that you do whatever ridiculous thing is being asked of you RIGHT NOW.

Dammit, I hate this so much for you, I really hope from the bottom of my heart you find something that helps, nobody should have to endure the full brunt of this. I can't even fathom why the human brain developed such a horrific, almost comically detrimental feature.

What sort of stuff do you have to do for yours? Mine is numbers, as typical as it sounds. Doing stuff 5 times is fine, 6 is bad because it and 5 add up to 11, 7 is fine because it's lucky, 8-10 are fine, but any multiple of 11 is bad news, and stuff ending in 13 is, too. The story behind 11 is ridiculous, in MIDDLE SCHOOL I saw that a mentally retarded person that was part of that integration into normal classes program they tried forcing a while back had June 11th as his birthday. Mine's June 10th, and the proximity totally shook me to my core and made me so deathly fucking terrified of anything to do with 11 or doing anything that many times or I'd lose all my wit and social ability and slowly, imperceptibly (to me) become retarded and everyone would drift away. I wouldn't die, though, I'd keep slogging on as my mental faculties, friends and accomplishments left me and live out the rest of my life in agony and devoid of personality or thought, but still able to remember and realize what I had lost.

Sorry for the wall of text, it's just to show I really get how insane this can get, and I'd really like to hear yours. Don't be afraid to go nuts with the details, even if it sounds stupid. This is kind of a stupid disorder, heh.

[Anonymous No.15240554]

>>15240482
>But it's pretty much the lesser of two hells for us, haha.
I agree, but I fear brain damage for some reason. Prozac lessened the sharpness, but I became obsessive over sobriety and dropped it randomly.
>I can't even fathom why the human brain developed such a horrific, almost comically detrimental feature.
I like to imagine it's a consequence of being ahead of my peers. Not in some functional manner, but that I had to be limited somehow. I was very ambitious in middle school + early highschool before OCD set it, and I like to believe I was nerfed. Logically, it's because my parents both had/have it so genetically I was doomed from conception.
>What sort of stuff do you have to do for yours?
I can't do dishes/interact with dirty food stuff because I get images of eating the dirty/soggy food and it's reviling. Associated with that is germaphobia, not because I feel getting, sick, but I imagine being covered in dirty germs and feeling like I'm covered in grease. I always need to wash myself as a consequence. One of my friends coughed on me a while ago (jokingly, it wasn't an actual cough) and he didn't understand why I was detached for the rest of the night. He though it would be ok if he explained it was a joke, therefore not dirty, but he doesn't know about my OCD so I forgive him. I struggle with heights and driving as I always imagine just throwing myself into a deadly situation when doing those, the driving one being harder to explain to people around me. I just can't help but feel like I'll kill everyone I love. When my OCD was the worst, I struggled to have friends since I always imagined attacking/raping them so I just avoided human contact. I still struggle to pick up sharp knifes (butterknives are ok), or guns, because I get an impulse to hurt people near me. Being raised religiously, I also struggle with a fear of blaspheming which compounds the other obsessions as my mind feels dirty but I can't wash it. Sometimes I'll be speaking and I'll have an impulse to say an insult or slur, which is the most painful because sometimes the insults are true and I hate that I see/think about people's flaws, especially people I want to protect.

I don't know when it all truly began. It was the worst in 8th-10th grade, but I remember even in elementary school I'd cry because I'd have "inappropriate thoughts" about religion/friends/family that I couldn't explain to my parents because I didn't know they were obsessions.

[Anonymous No.15240558]

>>15226554
Organic mercury poisoning

[Anonymous No.15240602]

>>15238149
They were actually my girlfriends but over time I developed personalities for them and now they are like my best friends.

[Anonymous No.15240604]

>>15240482
Not that anon but i went through numbers then during uni pure O then now its more urges.

If im holding a baby theres a possibility i could drop it and that possibility becomes an urge to do it and thoughts arise that feed into that urge so its a looping spiral.Mostly its just urgres to stretch , scratch or if im reading to rereading till it feels right most severe was cutting into skin until relief and feeling of ''rightness''

[Anonymous No.15240664]

>>15240554
>I was very ambitious in middle school + early highschool before OCD set it, and I like to believe I was nerfed.

Haha, the ol' god nerfed me because I was too OP thing. Yeah, it's nice to believe, huh? I feel antagonized by an outer force that doesn't want to see me succeed, too, I wonder if that comes with the territory?

>One of my friends coughed on me a while ago (jokingly, it wasn't an actual cough) and he didn't understand why I was detached for the rest of the night.

Oh my god, I hate this shit. When my OCD first emerged during a vacation with a friend eons ago, there was a playing card I was convinced was cursed and was going to do [everything I mentioned in my last post] to me if it touched me. I was freaking out because all this shit had JUST started that week due to some extreme stress and didn't know how to manage it, so I told my friend there was something wrong with that card and I really, really couldn't touch it. Of course he responded by throwing it at me, which basically sent me into goddamn shock. But yeah, all that shit, even when it's accidental is awful.

>When my OCD was the worst, I struggled to have friends since I always imagined attacking/raping them so I just avoided human contact.

Relate hardcore to this too. Mind wouldn't leave me alone with invasive thoughts of doing whatever I hated and wanted NOT to do. Like, if I was with my baby sister whom I love to bits, my mind'd be like TIME FOR GRAPHIC IMAGES OF YOU FUCKING HER and I'd have to lay down or just get out of there to get a grasp back on reality and wait until whatever horrible, ridiculous throwing-child-in-woodchipper thing my mind was forcing on me was done. I totally get that shit, I'm glad it's better for you, too.

>I don't know when it all truly began. It was the worst in 8th-10th grade, but I remember even in elementary school I'd cry because I'd have "inappropriate thoughts"

Again, same! Wow, exactly. 8th grade is around when it hit, but before that, as a kid, I'd be afraid occasionally that I'd "hate everyone else" or imagine some horrible thing in my mind trying to get out.

Very informative, anon, I feel basically everything you said! It's kind of a lesser offshoot now, but do you ever get ocd "snags"? They're kinda like fleeting little thoughts or comments that just snag you in, no matter how brief. Like, if you jokingly say you're getting dumber every day to a friend, you wind up having to internally be like JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING a trillion goddamn times to disown it.

Sorry if this is a mess, it's a little bit of a chopjob.

[Anonymous No.15240860]

>>15240554
This is embarassing as fuck to admit, but I've been sitting here waiting for a reply and doing nothing else, have an OCD fear of someone impersonating me and wanted to say I had to go work on an essay so I could rest easy knowing nobody was (happens more than you think here). So I'm gonna go do that, it was neat finding someone else with this. Best of luck anon!

[Anonymous No.15241858]

>>15240664
>do you ever get ocd "snags"?
I'd say that's how I'd describe my thoughts during conversation. I think an insult and have to mentally apologize to the person and tell myself NO.

[Anonymous No.15242056]

>>15238374
drink a glass of water & kiss a flower

[Anonymous No.15242121]

>>15240482
>The story behind 11 is ridiculous, in MIDDLE SCHOOL I saw that a mentally retarded person that was part of that integration into normal classes program they tried forcing a while back had June 11th as his birthday. Mine's June 10th, and the proximity totally shook me to my core and made me so deathly fucking terrified of anything to do with 11 or doing anything that many times or I'd lose all my wit and social ability and slowly, imperceptibly (to me) become retarded and everyone would drift away. I wouldn't die, though, I'd keep slogging on as my mental faculties, friends and accomplishments left me and live out the rest of my life in agony and devoid of personality or thought, but still able to remember and realize what I had lost.
kek i feel for you anon i really do but having the reason for your entry into mental illness be that your birthday was close to a retard's is hysterical and so compelling. never read anything like it

but seriously, i hope you turn out good

[Anonymous No.15242200]

>>15240102
I liked your flesh puppet analogy. Been struggling to articulate those feelings after shroom trips, both good and bad

[Anonymous No.15242229]

>>15238203
get angry at shit for hours

[Anonymous No.15242361]

>>15242200
It's kinda interesting when very mild, but losing my sense of time impacts my daily function.

[Anonymous No.15242386]

>>15226770
>>15227109
>>15227917
>>15231135
>>15234916
Total disgust for wannabe schizos. I truly hope this LARP ends with you committing suicide

[Anonymous No.15242398]

>>15240664
I think 'snag' is an interesting word to use to describe getting hooked on a particular thought. I have almost pure O OCD and I'll get really anxious when someone is kind of cold to me and I'll imagine all the terrible things I could have done to them. Like, if I have a conversation with my sister and she seems kinda nervous or cold or just sorta off, my mind immeadiately starts thinking 'oh, man what if I sexually abused her.' It's usually about abuse.

For me, therapy really helped me understand my hangups around sex and just sorta pleasure in general. Medication has been hit or miss, but I'm currently taking Prozac and seeing some improvements, am less ruminative. I'm sleeping and eating better tho which also helps a lot

[Anonymous No.15242407]

>>15226593
Amphetamine addiction for me

[Anonymous No.15242411]

>>15242121
Oh yeah, no need to apologize or anything lmao, it's honestly hilarious and insane as fuck, everything about actual OCD really is when taking a step back and looking at it. I like to have a good laugh about it with pals whenever I'm not actively terrified by it so you're perfectly fine, I'd probably join in laughing if you did it IRL honestly

Also, thanks! Appreciate the goodwill man. I'm hoping I can work all this out in the end.

[Anonymous No.15242437]

>>15242398
>>15241858
Definitely pops up in conversation for me a lot, too. One I didn't mention that really gets me is
>Read the word cancer on here or type it out or even think it
>Spend the next half hour getting mentally assailed by thoughts that I've somehow got it or that it's starting to grow and that some mental suggestion shit started it

Even just grazing this shit can be a real pain. On the plus side, I guess it's helped me cut WAY down on carcinogens in my diet, along with nicotine.

[Anonymous No.15242957]

>>15242437
I've never been diagnosed with anything because it's never really impacted my life, but I have these weird checklists of things that I have to blink and "validate" in my head at all times. It's hard to explain.
I guess there's just this constant monologue in the back of my head of trying to make objectively true statements, and then I blink to sort of... lock them in, then I panic finding some kind of ridiculous loophole that makes the statement untrue until I revise it and blink again.
Explaining it makes it sound absolutely batshit but I've gotten so used to it that the whole process is mostly unconscious and it goes on in the background even while I'm concentrating on other things. Nobody's ever noticed the odd blinking and I've never really brought it up or attempted to put it into words before.

[Anonymous No.15242977]

>>15226554
>Daydreaming
https://cognitivetype.com/ne-behaviorism-mythology/
>>15231093
>>15232354
>>15240290
>>15239621
>>15232814
>>15234263
>>15227668
>>15227727
>>15228125

[Anonymous No.15243008]

>>15242977
Hey thanks for this man I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.15243021]

>>15243008
The pleasure is mine.

[Anonymous No.15244099]

>>15242977
thank you

[Anonymous No.15244179]

>>15237854
It's rather the healthy mind which is a spook, and /lit/ was honestly — slightly — smarter and better with daily Stirner threads instead of christposting philistines or JBP brainlets.
And too bad Stirner doesn't have a turbosperg to champion his tenets today like Guenon.

[Anonymous No.15244361]

>>15240482
I'm afraid I may developing something similar myself. Not really fullblown OCD but slight obsession with numbers and order of things. I sometimes feel that there is only one proper way to do things and if I do it other way it simply would not be correct and it would bother me. I also like certain numbers and others annoy me, if I encounter somwhere random number that I can change I will do it until it will be more "correct". Is there any way to stop it? I don't want to end up with mental ilness that would make my life worse. And for all anons here with serious problems I hope it will get better for you and you will be able to live your life without too much suffering.

[Anonymous No.15244380]

>>15226554
>Herman Melville
>James Joyce
>Lewis Carroll
>Emily Bronte
>HP Lovecraft
>Virgina Woolf
Guess what they all have in common.

[Anonymous No.15244579]

>>15232354
This can't be a mental illness. I think everyone who lives a life of solitude has those "symptoms" at one point or another.

[Anonymous No.15245724]

>>15226554
psychosis

[Anonymous No.15245773]

>>15226554
psychosis. Meditations of understanding the metaphysics of this world. Religion of comf.

[Anonymous No.15245815]

>>15226770

[Anonymous No.15245819]

>>15244380
all pedos

[Anonymous No.15245927]

>>15245815
I relate to everything on here!

[Anonymous No.15247012]

>>15234613
holy shit I used to do this as a kid, completely forgot about it. for some reason my challenges tended to revolve around the number 7. idk when but I just grew out of it somehow

[Anonymous No.15247182]

based pure O ocd anons from ages 15-18 i was obsessed about whether i was gay, whether i was trans, whether i was a psychopath, whether i was going bald, whether my teeth were rotting, whether i had a twisted spine, whether i was stupid, whether i had ran someone over, whether i had failed my exams, whether i had sexually assaulted someone when i was black-out drunk, whether everyone was talking about me behind my back calling me gay or trans etc. because i accidentally let my anxieties slip when i was high and obviously in high school everyone is too stupid to understand it.

honestly i nearly topped myself. thankfully, i came through it and i have no symptoms. i feel like someone who's survived a tour of vietnam though. can anyone else relate to becomng a very eccentric individual after surviving such a soul destroyingly tough experience

also. i'm on 100mg sertraline. it works wonders for mental problems. i hope you guys find hope. watch videos on youtube about exposure response prevention, that's the only way to survive.

[Anonymous No.15247193]

>>15234613
Yes but different.

I'll be walking past a rusting ladder on an abandoned building and be like
>someone needs to climb that
>nobody will
>gotta be me

Or someshit like that. Dangerous adrenaline stuff. Nighttime lone adventures.

[Anonymous No.15247221]

Me on the right despite the weird anime gf shit. Daydreaming is my specialty, it's what makes me such a great writer.

[Anonymous No.15247321]

>>15231111
This but unironically

[Anonymous No.15247933]

>>15245819
all based

[Anonymous No.15248017]

>>15247221
>weird anime gf shit
That’s the best part

[Anonymous No.15248087]

>>15247221
You're missing out. I was in the same boat but took the waifupill a year ago. No regrets.

[Anonymous No.15248520]

>>15248017
>>15248087
>conjuring up an anime wife
>not conjuring up an anime daughter instead
i shiggy diggy

[Anonymous No.15248524]

>>15232354
Fuck man that's me down to a tee. I've been made fun of by my family sometimes cause I apparently make faces as I think. I've also paced quite a lot when doing so which is why I enjoy walking outside.