/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.15453769]

Write what's on your mind.

[Anonymous No.15453777]

>>15453769

Daily reminder to /lit/ that neoliberalism is good, god either doesn't exist or is malevolent and therefore is undeserving of worship at all events, and that "monolingual" is completely inefffective as an insult when targeted at native English speakers.

Yes, I am the OP and yes, I created this thread for the express purpose of reminding you of the above truths. I shall continue to remind you of these truths for as long as is necessary.

[Anonymous No.15453805]

>>15453769

No, thanks. I'm saving it for later.

>>15453777

Yes, cope with it. Meanwhile I'm going to read a book in French which wasn't translated to English.

[Anonymous No.15453869]

I've been reading a lot about immigration and H1-B visas, and I think 4chan has been lying to me

[Anonymous No.15453899]

>>15453869
What do you mean anon?

[Anonymous No.15454486]

>>15453869
Nothing this website has told me has never lined up with my own experiences or research. It's almost like the stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.

[Anonymous No.15454538]

Black man lack discipline
White man lack balls
Yellow man lack soul

[Anonymous No.15454544]

>>15453769
this thread is way too obsessed with white political philosophy and a Philosophy board would fix it immediately

[Anonymous No.15454563]

>>15454538
What does blue man lack

[Anonymous No.15454608]

>>15453769
I want somebody, anybody to treat me like a human being with desires and intentions and beliefs and emotions. I want somebody to acknowledge that I’m not just an object or a caricature. I’m losing faith in humanity.

[Anonymous No.15454618]

>>15454563
hair

[Anonymous No.15454657]

I played a visual novel (it’s the second visual novel i played) and fell in love with it because it broke away from all the escapist tropes and themes they usually have.
I just learned today that the sequel is only on Vita and PS4 and a collectors edition costs $200 USD and the digital version costs $40USD. I don’t want to buy digital for 12 hours of gameplay and if I were to spend money it would be on the collectors edition because the art and OST is amazing, but I don’t want to consoom so i’m just watching someone play it on youtube for free, lol, but seriously just listening to the OST makes me want to purchase a physical copy of it
https://youtu.be/CD3iNmxkpNM

[Anonymous No.15454659]

I'm stick in inertia. I dont try anything or do anything because it hurts me more.

[Anonymous No.15454673]

I know that im the only one whos ultimately responsible for my life but i struggle fully realizing this fact because then i wouldnt be able to blame everything external for my mistake. Ultimately that would mean that i've wasted all those years which are not coming back. Any book recs on this question?

[Anonymous No.15454680]

>>15454673
>i struggle fully realizing this fact because then i wouldnt be able to blame everything external for my mistake
I asked the same question a few days ago and was recommended Siddharta

[Anonymous No.15454692]

>>15454680
I read it some time ago but it did nothing.

[Anonymous No.15454731]

We hadn't spoken in months, but last night I sent her one of my stories, and told her I have a lot to say to her, one day.
She messages me this morning, but deleted it before I could read it, I wonder what it said

[Anonymous No.15454737]

>>15454731
>I wonder what it said
eoihs hsahsf fhkjhishffieh

[Anonymous No.15454860]

>>15453769
how the fuck can i write good friendships (of the kind that interest the reader and lead to interesting character dynamics) when i've never experienced anything similar myself?

[Anonymous No.15454897]

>>15453769
I want a friend just like myself.

[Anonymous No.15454957]

>>15454860
have you considered making friends?

[Anonymous No.15454967]

>>15454957
i have friends but i'm a boring person and not much worth writing about comes from it.

[Anonymous No.15454969]

I think it's finally time to read another doorstopper

[Anonymous No.15454986]

>>15454860
Most of the time friendships just involves talking about inane shit. Watch Seinfeld.

[Anonymous No.15455026]

I both worry and am comforted by the idea I will never truly feel part of any group or community.

[Anonymous No.15455041]

>>15455026
Why comfort? Because it absolves you from having to try? Guessing based on my own personal experience

[Anonymous No.15455051]

don't eat the babies
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=m6WnLEvbZHI

[Anonymous No.15455058]

>>15455041
Partially that, partially "maybe I can be something new..."

[Anonymous No.15455064]

>>15455051
did you make this anon, i'm guessing you must have given it only has 52 views. what was the idea behind it?

[Anonymous No.15455067]

>>15455058
>"maybe I can be something new..."

like a tran?

[Anonymous No.15455088]

>>15455058
The best possible scenario would be to integrate yourself fully into multiple communities. That way, you can draw upon your experiences as an outsider while still obtaining the benefits of camaraderie.

[Anonymous No.15455209]

I can't stop thinking about Joan Crawford.

[Anonymous No.15455281]

>>15455067
Not like that

[Anonymous No.15455302]

>>15455088
I have become disillusioned with friendship and camaraderie. The amount of risks paired with the amount of time, energy, and effort needed has grown into a real turn off. Past experiences only cemented in the desire to /not bother/ socially. I can't say I'm too upset about having fewer and fewer people in my life. I want even less. The pain both seemingly positive all the way to unhealthy/forced friendships have caused me has really worn me out. Sure, I'm human and social enough to know there will be times I want friends to talk to and laugh with, but so far my experiences have been 95 percent negative with friends, in all kinds of ways.

[Anonymous No.15455316]

>>15455088
Most groups and communities necessitate some sort of deeper connection with people to reap the full rewards, but I fear that will not be rewarding for me, at least no more rewarding than stressful. Otherwise I try to hang around the outskirts of likeminded groups and share ideas/gain knowledge or enjoy myself, but I am paranoid and distrustful.

[Anonymous No.15455410]

Imagine the whole world revolves around this man, but does anyone really know who he really was? What if he was just a man, maybe even mentally ill. All of human history from amoeba to nuclear annihilation was captured by this man, whoever he was, whatever he felt during that moment of vulnerability and pain at the hands of other people, this was the beginning and the end. Even if Christianity was all just a fan fiction of an unknown and tragic Nazarene, it still became true.

[Anonymous No.15455434]

>>15455410
Its more about idea

[Anonymous No.15455461]

Keep thinking of the death of my dog a year ago, whenever I get lost in that memory I feel a heavy weight on my arms and shoulders, the same feeling when I carried him to his dug out grave and how pathetic I looked, crying, begging and pleading for him not to be dead, hoping/doubting if I was ever a good enough owner to him. I miss him bros.

[Anonymous No.15455471]

>>15455461
A few years ago I was having dreams about hugging my childhood dog that we had to give away, and I actually found out that he passed away around the time I was having those dreams.

[Anonymous No.15455500]

>>15455471
I’m sorry to hear that bro, I guess in retrospect I was fortunately to have spent 11 years with him. I always keep photos of him handy so I’ll never forget him (pic related)

[Anonymous No.15455554]

>>15455461
>>15455471
>>15455500
My parents almost always had a dog. When I was in my late teenage years and the family dog from that moment died I felt like shit because he was barely cared for. Almost nobody would take him for a walk and so he spent a good chunk of his life stuck in the house. Little time after he died I caught the disney Peter Pan movie on tv and seeing the maid dog reminded me of him and I cried like a bitch for the poor thing before sleeping.

[Anonymous No.15455578]

I've decided that there is absolutely no point to any of this, and I feel driven mad by the mere notion of such a thing given that it goes any ideals of mine, any convictions, all of it and I feel absolutely okay with it, at least in this moment. Friends come and they go, friendships wither faster as you get older and even if things get rekindled there is perhaps not a chance of those friendships being as they once were, and that is as painful as any failed romance which is typically a failed adventure in love.. Everyone is so cold, and in response I feel myself becoming just as cold. I'll perhaps finalize all of my artistic pursuits and then finally kill myself which is what has always felt fated to be what becomes of me. Simply typing this on here of all places is pointless, but I do find it amusing... Anyways.

[Anonymous No.15455643]

haven’t eaten a hot meal since this covid shit began. I look and feel skeletal. I drink coffee instead of water and smoke cigarettes instead of eating

[Anonymous No.15455695]

>which will you dance for
>which will you shine
>which will you choose from
>if you won't choose mine

[Anonymous No.15455715]

angel in me: stay home, get through the last part of Kant, write an essay, then exercise.

devil in me: pick up some blow and a bottle of gin, go meet up with some girls and get laid

[Anonymous No.15455758]

>>15453769
thinking about my life and trying to see it objectively

>NEET, 18
>took med entrance exam last year and failed
>might fail again this year
>depressed, anxious, hermit with severe OCD
>chronic insomnia, perpetually in a stressed state, losing hair, no friends, get insane highs and lowest lows that are shallow
>feel like i'm disappointing my parents yet again

i'm waiting for my exam results before i kill myself

[Anonymous No.15455778]

i wanna play world of warcraft but i gotta go to sleep soon so i won't be able to do anything worth doing but i'm bored in the interval between now and when gf finishes playing overwatch so i have nothing to do but post on random shitty websites for the next 5min

[Anonymous No.15455788]

>>15455758
You're only 18, life is still quite early for you.. Hang in there and try to see what you can make of it before any idea of giving up on it all.

[Anonymous No.15455813]

>>15455788
i've felt this way since i was 14, told myself the same thing to keep going, it doesn't get better, it has only been getting worse as i start to become more and more isolated and the failures pile up on each other, feel utterly worthless. i feel like i'm going to just snap one of these days

[Anonymous No.15455841]

>>15455758
Im very young too, and when i was 19 my dad died leaving me to support myself and my mom. In a very strange way, this has very much empowered me, i feel for the first time in my life that im doing and achieving something for a purpose, and that i dont rely on the kindness of others but on my own hard work. I dont know half of anything, but maybe taking a little time to go and live on your own and support yourself, maybe see a little bit of the world, could change your entire perspective on life. Its worth a try before completely checking out.

[Anonymous No.15455860]

Why do bad things happen to good people? Is it merely a test?

[Anonymous No.15455868]

>>15455758
Want some unsolicited advice?
Consider taking a year off with a non-bullshit job, be a novice tradesman or sailor or a construction worker. I spent some time as a traveling laborer for a while before going to university and it completely transformed me for the better. Don’t worry about being a year or two older, no one gives a fuck.

[Anonymous No.15455875]

>>15455860
Because life is brutal and unfair, it doesn't discriminate between good and bad

[Anonymous No.15455938]

I barely know this who this is yet I'm so captivated by this particular image. Almost makes me feel that those eyes are incapable of evil.

[Anonymous No.15456004]

>>15455938
She’s got a great pair of dicksucking lips I can tell you that.

[Anonymous No.15456020]

>>15455938
Yeah, pic rel girl gives me the same vibe

[Anonymous No.15456081]

Today is my birthday. I'm 31. Relatively happy living a simple life on some property, but disappointed in my professional and career accomplishments. They're basically 0. This coronavirus thing has given me too much time to think since I've been furloughed. It's been both beneficial and detrimental at the same time. I think I'm going to go dry for the month of June. Too much drinking, not enough reading and physical exertion. Hope you all are well. I'm going to do some yardwork, fish, shoot some maybe, and then drink and watch LotR I think. I hope you all have a fantastic May 26. Also, it's John Wayne's birthday.

[Anonymous No.15456269]

Nothing in this life interests me anymore. I don't want to be happy. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to work. I don't want to be a NEET. I don't want to have friends or a girlfriend. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to eat. I don't want to starve. I don't want to play video games. I don't want to read a book. I don't want to be Chad. I don't want to be an incel. I don't want to be. I do not want to exist any longer.

[Anonymous No.15456300]

>>15456081
Happy birthday anon.

[Anonymous No.15456318]

Do you guys ever feel like you’re running as fast as you can, but no matter how hard you run you look up and see the world passing you by?

[Anonymous No.15456336]

>>15455758
Anon, take a deep breath and relax. Here’s what you need to do: you need to relax and you just need to work harder. That’s it. Be chill. Do the work. That’s all there is to it. This is also good advice.
>>15455868

[Anonymous No.15456352]

I’m so emotional and depressed. What is going on with me? I think I’m extremely lonely. I’m too old for this shit.

[Anonymous No.15456371]

>>15456081
I wouldn’t worry about it man. If you invest enough in your profession and career, you eventually get to a point where you realize it was only ever there to give you the things you seem to have already acquired for yourself. That, and maybe a woman and a family. There’s not much else to it unless there’s something wrong with your brain. Happy Birthday.

[Anonymous No.15456408]

>>15453769
I just read a thread on /b/ where some literal Tranny was not only whoring himself out to whoever would take him up, but posting his social security number and driver's license. Why? Because he wants someone to utterly ruin him so that he will be forced to suck cocks for the rest of his life.
How the fuck does someone become so damaged that they end up like that? Why do people encourage this kind of behavior? Why do people say I'm a terrible person when I can this out?

What the fuck?

[Anonymous No.15456447]

>>15453769
I want to move to an African country and marry at least four women to start a Euro-African tibe. Africa seems like the closest thing to the Wild West. It seems like one of the last places a man can still act like a man. To provide, protect and procreate.
I intend to do just that and more. There is no end goal, the road is the goal and you are always on it.

[Anonymous No.15456455]

>>15456447
*tribe

[Anonymous No.15456459]

>>15456408
Some people just set them up for failure or even misery. To some extent we all do it. Smokers. 4channelers. Dostojevski characters. For various reasons or explanations. Because happiness is too hard to achieve, guilt is piling up, death drive to immortality.

[Anonymous No.15456469]

An old tale that only the remaining handfull of sages in rumania can tell says, that the gypsys were once the aristocracy of a prosperous kingdom. But they were vain and arrogant, spitting in the faces of their servants, beating their horses to death and threwing refuse from the walls of their palace on the poor.

One day, a buddhist monk came to them to teach them from his wisdom. The gypsys however didn't even listen to him and only laughed at his rags. When he kindly asked for food and shelter they chased him away. In the next year the monk came back only to suffer the same treatment.
He came back for five more times, but in the sixth year riders came from the far steppes and pillaged the land. They plundert and burnt the palace, taking all gypsys they didn't kill as slaves.

After 37 years of hardship, the gypsys could escape their masters.
But they could't return to their lands, where the people they once tormented would not let them stay.
So the gypsys were forced to roam the land, welcomed nowhere and spitted on by the inhabitants of the lands they tresspassed.
But still they remain arrogant. Even though they live like stray dogs, the gypsys are proud of their lifestyle.

[Anonymous No.15456472]

>>15456336
i did work hard, i worked way too hard for this to not pay off
studying for 6 months everyday for hours
that's what makes it a lot worse, the fact that i've worked so fucking hard and it might all be for nothing
it's started to imbue me with a newfound feeling of helplessness, why can't i do it when so many others have? i believe myself to be better than them (though this might be my inferiority complex talking)
hopefully i'm just underestimating my performance, doubting myself like usual, maybe it'll be fine and i'll get in, but it feels too real

[Anonymous No.15456476]

I’ve wore the mask I’m expected to wear for so long I’m not even sure what’s underneath it.

[Anonymous No.15456495]

>>15456447
based retard

[Anonymous No.15456497]

>>15456472
Well, sorry anon. I still think you need to just relax because over-analyzing and over-stressing will only derail your efforts and lead to misery. Have you considered that maybe you’re not working hard in quite the right way?

[Anonymous No.15456507]

I visited immigration office today and wondered how much they feel power trips with the knowledge they can make someone an illegal immigrant and kick him out at a whim. Kinda like how Ivan Illych thought about his job

[Anonymous No.15456543]

>>15453769
im tired. im so fucking mentally tired. there's nothing wrong yet im still just tired. i want to travel, to meet new ppl, yet im stuck inside, always thinking about ppl who dont care about me. i want to be productive yet its a slog to do so. i've realised every negative thing about myself and i want to change but its hard do to so.

[Anonymous No.15456575]

>>15456497
i feel like i deserve to feel this way, again because i'm such a failure
i think i worked hard in the right way, in practice exams i would get a very high score, 95+ percentile but in the real thing i just underperformed, i don't know why

[Anonymous No.15456637]

>>15456575
It sounds like you have a mental hang up. You have insecurities and anxiety. You need to get over it. Perhaps you put too much importance into these things? Perhaps you simply lack confidence? I don’t know. Either way, I can tell that you’re not stupid nor are you a failure. You can do this. You just need to take a breath, pick up the pieces, and put them in the puzzle in a way that fits.

[Anonymous No.15456831]

>>15453769
stirner

[Anonymous No.15456964]

>>15453769
>I don't like to get angry. It makes me angry.
duuuh cringe

[Anonymous No.15457027]

>>15455813
Read Pirandello

[Anonymous No.15457094]

>>15456964
What?

[Anonymous No.15457141]

>>15457094
I read that line in another thread (anon posted a photo of a book and someone said that line fore killing another man) and it made me cringe

[Anonymous No.15457203]

>>15453769
how do i be funny
the only sense of humor i have at the moment is to make everything incredibly contrived, and i have come to hate that.

[Anonymous No.15457218]

>>15457141
Oh, I see.

[Anonymous No.15457253]

>>15456575
If you studied that hard you’re gonna make it bro

[Anonymous No.15457386]

>>15455860
Bad things dont have to be bad, they are an invitiation to learn more about yourself, it teaches you, if you chose not to run away from it, where you are inflexible and stuck. Every moment where you reach your limit is an opportunity to put yourself to sleep, or to wake yourself up.

Namaste motherfucker

[Anonymous No.15457484]

I have developed the habit of reading and have read about a book a week for the past two years, almost all novels.

There are certainly novels that I have liked more, and less, than others, but I am still unable to articulate exactly why.

I suppose I am still responding to written fiction on intuition. I haven't yet developed that thing called taste, and the thought perturbs me.

[Anonymous No.15457510]

>>15457484
Everyone responds to written fiction, along with every other work of art, based on intuition. If you ever hear someone giving reasons why they liked something, bear in mind that they're all just post-hoc justifications.

[Anonymous No.15457609]

I go back to my wage slave job tomorrow and I still haven't checked my schedule because I had to switch to a different location and I'm terrified they stuck me with the 6 AM opening shift.

[Anonymous No.15457645]

yesterday, we found a squirrel flattened on the side of the road. i was really torn up about it because i love squirrels. we walked in silence for three-fourths of a block and then found three more squirrels at the base of a tree, a mother and two kittens. the mother and one of the kittens were certainly dead, but one was still alive—albeit very sick. we took the squirrel home in a cardboard box to see if he had any chance at living. his breathing was shallow, but it was there. he was covered in fleas and flies. i put a raspberry in front of his little nose to encourage him to eat. he died in my bathtub, a centimeter away from the raspberry. we will lay him to rest with his family today. :( heavenly father, please accept these small creatures into your arms. there must be something nice at the end for squirrels—they’re too fragile for anything else to make sense.

[Anonymous No.15457719]

Today i read my books in the sun on my balcony. Sometimes i looked up into the sky. There was nowhere to be and nothing else to do. I felt like i was on the bebop just chillin in between episodes. I felt like i was on opiates again. It was awesome and the feeling is still around. I need to cultivate this and recreate it as much as i possibly can. As long as theres a sun life can be good.

[Anonymous No.15457895]

>>15455938
This girl is very similar to my first crush

[Anonymous No.15457922]

>>15456408
>How the fuck does someone become so damaged that they end up like that?
Lack of parental love and support. Especially if they're trans. If your parents despise you, then why shouldn't you despise yourself also?

[Anonymous No.15457951]

>>15453777
>god doesn't exist
>he doesn't know about Aquinas first mover
The universe just existed forever bro just believe me bro trust me

[Anonymous No.15458007]

I worry that I will never undo my unhelpful habits and idiosyncracies. That I will cruise one day into the next at my slightly above average office job and will climb through the ranks by just being sociable, likable, and getting my work done. I will never be wildly wealthy, and I don't want to accumulate wealth for wealth sake, I want to raise several children and help others with the wealth. The buddhist idea of Dukkha (suffering) and that it is ever present or the Christian worldview that we are in a fallen world is something that has always deeply bothered me. I feel extraordinary privilege living in a first world country. The "white man's burden", which was justification for colonialism, albeit a net positive for the native savages living in absolute squalor, is at its essence correct. There are people suffering immensely because are economic systems are organized in such a way to give plutocrats ridiculous sums of capital so they can worship money as an idol, indulge in evil sexual practices, and kill those that threaten their vice grip on societies.

I don't have a fantastic mind to create great art, have a scientific break through, but I'm smart enough to know about compounding power of interest so I have been saving a lot I'm about 2 years out of school and have about 60 grand saved up, but it's too slow I feel like I'm not taking life serious enough I have too many vices, and I know I need to just do it for lack of a better word but I feel paralyzed and inconvenienced by every annoying thing.

[Anonymous No.15458032]

It seems like my mind isn't working properly. I'll get a reply, and even though the idea presented is neither overly complex or poorly formulated, I still have to read it several times and contemplate it for a relatively long time just to understand it. I guess I'm just slow?

[Anonymous No.15458042]

>>15458032
My guess is you over indulge your senses on a variety of vices and now have a problem with the ol reading comprehension.

[Anonymous No.15458052]

Trying to decide on an MFA program to further my career in writing and teaching is arduous and depressing. The acceptance rates at some of the more renowned programs are below 5%. I'm not confident in my writing enough right now to apply, and I'm only getting older, less confident as the days roll by.

[Anonymous No.15458067]

>>15458042
You might be right. I have a habit of scanning content, threads and comments, mindlessly without really taking any of it to heart. Could be I'm frying my brain.

[Anonymous No.15458112]

>>15456352
It gets worse with each year.

[Anonymous No.15458388]

>>15458067
It's okay anon, everyone does.

[Anonymous No.15458397]

>>15458112
It really does.

[Anonymous No.15458422]

When should one read the bible?After the greeks and before St.August? Not like im close to that in any way.

[Anonymous No.15458436]

>>15456318
No one?

[Anonymous No.15458445]

>>15454538
When you mix ,the result lacks nothing or lacks both?

[Anonymous No.15458466]

I've been getting into satanism lately. It's all made up mind you as all religion is, but it's a fun and flavorful larp . The Left Hand Path is very stirnerian. It praises and gives strength to the ego, casting aside the slave moralism and abasement of Christianity aside with contempt. It gives man what he needs not only to survive but to thrive in this one and only earthly existence, power, self-assertion, lawless permission to innovate, transgress, and bypass suffocating norms.

The irony to me is that Christianity and its ilk are the ones that have permitted and engaged in more obscene horrors than any they have attributed to imaginary witches covens and demonic cults over its bloody and hypocritical history. Brutal inquisitions, bloodthirsty crusades, harsh crackdowns on freedom of thought and expression, child abusing priests, burning deviants at the stake, wholesale devestation of heathen civilizations; all with a wicked clarity of purpose and air of condescending sanctimony.

These multimillionaire televangelists are, if anything, good satanists. I will give them that. Incorporating others into web of illusions for their own benefit, seizing wealth, power and authority for themselves so that it can be wielded appropriately. Putting the stupid and servile to good use.

Too much morality is an invitation to weakness and self-exploitation. In fact it is thoroughly immoral, and the enemy of the truth. "Man has a demon in him that needs to be exercised, not exorcised."

[Anonymous No.15458500]

As much as I enjoy going home and seeing my family, I don’t. I love seeing my family, hugging them, eating dinner with them and talking with them. I don’t like hearing my dad get upset while he’s working, or hearing my brother and my mom argue. I prefer to be alone at this point, or at least living on my own. My ideal situation would be living close enough to eat a casual dinner with 1 or twice a week, but far enough away that I wouldn’t be there everyday. Unfortunately I live roughly 6 hrs away, making the trip not soemthing I’d do regularly. It breaks my heart but I can’t be hear very long anymore. Maybe things will be better when my brothers are grown up and out of the house and vacations will be us all coming together.

I love my family, but jeepers I want to go back to my apartment.

[Anonymous No.15458544]

>>15453769
I come to these threads to see if you commented but I don't have the guts to reply to your texts without deleting the message before you see it B)

[Anonymous No.15458566]

I had a dream that I was rich. I was never one to care much about money, but it was quite an interesting feeling and I really enjoyed it.

[Anonymous No.15458582]

I just shelled out like 150 yuros for books to read in the summer. Some are recommendations by the anons in the obscure lit threads. Others I bought because I wanted to read more by the same author, which I seldomly do. And some of NYRB books, just because. Can't wait. Thank you /lit/ for always recommending new stuff.

[Anonymous No.15458643]

>>15458466
shallow conceptualization. try different angles. right now you're an easy mark.

[Anonymous No.15458666]

My GF wants to live with me and I'm having some doubts about it. I'm afraid once we live together, I'll stop loving her eventually and it'll cause a heartbreak for both of us. I have absolutely no reason to think this but it's been in my mind ever since we decided to go for it

[Anonymous No.15458704]

>>15458666
feeling you, anon. Broke up two times just before it was time to move togehter. I'll try it next time, I have a bigger flat now, so doesn't seem too risky. Don't think too much about it, I already do and I dont even have a GF at the moment lmao.

[Anonymous No.15458727]

>>15458704
It's messed up, I have no reason to think this because everything is going well and I really do see my future with her but I'm not sure why it's cropping up now

[Anonymous No.15458755]

>>15458666
You need to figure out who you are as people and communicate it. I love being alone and would lose my shit if I constantly had someone up in my business, even if I liked that person.
I've never lived with a gf (only roommates and I hated it so much), but I'd have to find someone who would be cool with me saying "I don't wanna hang I want to be alone". So far no luck.

[Anonymous No.15458763]

>>15458727
fear of chaining yourself to something - anything really - seems like it. I think it's natural, just stay strong man. really though, relationships are always tradeoffs, so don't worry too much about it. funnily enough, I'm reading about evolutionary psychology atm (studied it as a minor in uni), a lot of stuff about human mating. crazy stuff.

[Anonymous No.15458783]

Do I focus on writing, music, or should I start pursuing photography and film? I have no plans on what to do, and I'm confident enough in my abilities that, if I really pushed myself, I could do good in any of these mediums. I at least have the passion for art, but goddamn, which really speaks to me? I don't know anymore.

[Anonymous No.15458812]

>>15458755
It's funny you mentioned this cause I did talk to her about this a few days after we decided to go for it. I told her that I'm a guy who likes their space and alone time and she fine with it as long as I spend enough time with her. We don't know what will happen when we start living together but it's one that I could talk to her about

>>15458763
I think you're right, I feel like I'll be chained forever(or at least it'll be hard to get out of) and it's quite daunting to say the least. I have read a little about it through various articles and I'd like to know more Do you know of any other materials that I could read about it? I'm curious now

[Anonymous No.15458835]

>>15458812
I'm just reading a textbook by David Buss on the matter, pretty sure you can find a pdf or something like this. pretty good insights, but of course, it's psychology, so don't expect clear-cut truths, mostly it's statistical surveys and cross cultural observations. good for introspection though.

[Anonymous No.15458855]

>>15458812
>and she fine with it as long as I spend enough time with her

You have to be really fucking clear what "enough time" entails. It's not even about X amount of hours, she's gonna feel insecure and like you don't want to be around her. You have to really make her understand that it's your "fault", not hers.
I mean I don't know you guys, but for me this is a make or break situation.

>>15458783
I'd say music but I'm kinda struggling to record my own shit at the moment lol

[Anonymous No.15458859]

>>15458783
Personally I flow with whichever speaks to me at that time. I'll work on it for a few months til' I complete a project. eg. photography I took pictures for months, learned to edit them, got them framed, had an art show, broke even and got bored. With music I wrote some songs, learned some covers, convinced friends to band practice, and before we got a show we all got busy. For drawing/painting I got really into it, did some loomis and other figure drawing guides to a point where I saw myself improve a little and again got bored. With writing I got a short story published for a nice little sum and then put some smut on the internet and made like 10 bucks. For graphic design I made a logo and got it on a bunch of shirts and medals. Really it's just a revolving door when you are the kind of person that can learn to be mediocre at anything but never crack down on one thing.


Sticking to one thing is hard bruh. I feel you.

[Anonymous No.15458918]

>>15458835
Thanks anon, I'll check it out when I get some time

>>15458855
>You have to be really fucking clear what "enough time" entails. It's not even about X amount of hours, she's gonna feel insecure and like you don't want to be around her. You have to really make her understand that it's your "fault", not hers.
You're right and it's something that won't be clear until we live together. I have lived with her for a week and I didn't mind spending literally every waking hour with her but when you live together, it's different. It's funny again that you mentioned that I should make her understand that it's me not her because that's exactly how I painted it when we had the conversation. It's a solid advice, what can I say?
>I mean I don't know you guys, but for me this is a make or break situation.
I feel you, I think it's one of those things that I'll probably ease a bit with time but for now, I feel incredibly comfortable just being myself and doing my own thing having lived alone for a long time. It feels like I'm one with myself. Losing this would not be good for me and our relationship

[Anonymous No.15458921]

>>15458859
Damn, at least you got somewhere with your projects. I always get bored or second guess myself so much that I never fully get into it. That is, I just couldn't commit "alright, I'm gonna spend the next couple months learning piano" because I'll inevitably get distracted two or three weeks in with a different project. It's maddening.

[Anonymous No.15458948]

>>15458466
You might be going down a bad path there, anon.
You are what you put in your head. I definitely wish I could go back and tell myself the occult isn't worth it.

[Anonymous No.15458949]

I want to kill 99% of the folks on this website, if there were a civil war I would join reddit so I can kill you all in cold blood

[Anonymous No.15458963]

>>15453777
>neoliberalism is good
why?

[Anonymous No.15458970]

>>15458921
If that's what happens, break it down into a daily habit. Take any one of the things you like to do and dedicate an hour a day learning something new about it. Spend the rest of your day working or fucking off about whatever the fuck, but pick one arbitrarily and seek improvement on it. Pick one you already have a little experience in, not something new. Find those intermediate tutorials.

[Anonymous No.15458987]

>>15458466
>These multimillionaire televangelists are, if anything, good satanists.
You got so close to understanding here.

[Anonymous No.15459057]

>>15453769
Man, oh man, now that the opportunity presents itself, I hesitate. I don't really want to inconvenience myself anymore than I need to, especially if it's a chance that I'm not willing to take. But that's just it, isn't it? I can and do take chances, I like to gamble and shoot for the unfavorable odds, that's how I get my high. I know when to or not to act, when to hit or hold, and it doesn't look like I'm going to hit anything.
Am I wallowing? I've gained some weight, I've started drinking every night, but that's because of the quarantine, right?
Ive gotten back into the rhythm of not thinking much. My goals and hopes are still there, but they burn in the background. I'm saving them from the bitter end my passion saw.
I need a drink.

[Anonymous No.15459105]

>>15459057
>“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

[Anonymous No.15459234]

I enjoyed writing as a child and would like to pursue it again. I’ve been depressed for years, which has drained me of all motivation and most of my imagination, hindering my creativity. I suppose in order to become good at writing again I should practise being more mindful, carefully considering my surroundings and the thoughts and experiences of others.

[Anonymous No.15459341]

Time will take away everything from you, everything from everyone you ever loved, everything from everyone you ever knew, everything from everyone and everything. An inevitable, indomitable, unclimbable wall that get closer as the days go by.

[Anonymous No.15459368]

>>15459341
time also contains your best days

[Anonymous No.15459382]

why is music so fucking hard
i'm sure i blogposted here about it before, but i've been drinking so i feel justified in doing it again:
write badly, and you will still have written something.
draw badly, and you will still have a drawing.
program badly, and it's still possible to get the computer to spew "hello world" onto the screen.
but make music badly? you haven't made music, you've made noise. music is the one thing it is possible to completely and utterly fail at, not helped at all by the fact it's fucking incomprehensible.

[Anonymous No.15459659]

>>15458397
You're not planning on suicide?

[Anonymous No.15459686]

>>15453769
I want to live in a world that is populated by intelligent beings. 90% of our world is inhabited by "people" with sheep mentality that lack any self awareness and internal monologue. I can feel the sinister grasp of consumerism closing in on humanity and worshippers of Mamon getting more powerful than ever.

[Anonymous No.15459792]

>>15459686
Congrats friend. You’re one of them too.

[Anonymous No.15459881]

Just watched that new Michael Jordan documentary and I realised that I'm just like MJ, just not talented. But the real tragedy is that people I'm surrounded with are even far less talented than me. I have never met a peer that I would switch places with, or someone who I considered "made it".

[Anonymous No.15459895]

Hey that a pretty nice cock. I got a nice fat cock. That’s not a bad cock. I bet my cock would make nigger monkeys jealous.

[Anonymous No.15459930]

>>15459382
Go back to basics. Go play some easy covers of songs you like, perfect it, record it. Practice widly, challenge yourself a little with quicker chord changes or weird chords. C'mon man, anyone can play 3 cowboy chords and sing house of the rising sun.

[Anonymous No.15459950]

>>15459930
i barely (Which is to say: don't really) have a conceptual understanding of chords.
all i want to do is learn piano and press buttons to make noise but it all goes over my head. i'd think i was retarded, but i'm good at using words to bluff that i'm not.

[Anonymous No.15459975]

>>15459382
Music isn't that special among the arts dude, it's not mystical or incomprehensible or whatever. A badly played song has about as much worth as a bad drawing.

[Anonymous No.15459990]

>>15459975
grab a random guy off the street and ask him to make music with an instrument of his choice, you'll probably have no idea what he's trying to play. ask him to draw something, and you'll probably be able to see what he was trying to draw even if it looks like shit.

[Anonymous No.15460008]

>>15459990
they could sing/hum it
if you gave them tools to sculpt they might get stuck

[Anonymous No.15460015]

>>15459990
I mean as a work of art. I know this is pretty fuzzy territory, but imo just because you can tell that stick with a ball on top is supposed to be a tree, that doesn't mean it has any aesthetic value

[Anonymous No.15460023]

>>15459950
Yo, when you play 3 notes (read: when you hit a fucking key) together it sounds good. Some of those 3 notes sound good when you play them sequentially. Sometimes if you play more than 3 together, like maybe 4 it'll sound different. Each of those groupings has a specific sound to it that the brain will interpret a certain way based on the entirety of your life listening to music, as well as the biological implications of evolution and how we perceive sounds.


Wow, now go look up the chords to house of the rising sun.
https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/the-animals/house-of-the-rising-sun-chords-18688

With your left hand just play the root note (the furthest left key in the chords on the chart) an octive apart (when it repeats) with the right hand play the chords. With your voice sing it.


Boom you can now play piano covers of pop songs

[Anonymous No.15460029]

>>15457719
This one is nice.

[Anonymous No.15460094]

>>15460023
>read: when you hit a fucking key
clarify this for me
is one piano key 3 notes on a normal instrument or what
i will try to re-read this when i haven't had a drink but i suspect this will still cause ambiguity even then

[Anonymous No.15460110]

>>15460094
A key is any of the buttons on the piano (as in key board). Pressing that key makes a hammer hit a string and it plays a sound. When you press 3 or more keys it’s a chord.

[Anonymous No.15460147]

I will get 100€ by government but i don't know what to buy with it, hope I wont spend it on booze

[Anonymous No.15460184]

I want to believe in something more but I can't tell if any of the religions of the world have any real basis or if it's hocus pocus or worse yet it's all intentional mind control. Pic related was no help.

[Anonymous No.15460187]

>>15460094
He was ambiguous, he meant that playing a note is just hitting a key.

[Anonymous No.15460190]

>>15460184
>I want to believe in something more
First of all, why? Second, if you really want to, what's stopping you?

[Anonymous No.15460210]

>Spent a week in my college town, mostly alone, it was kind relaxing
>Pretty much never felt sadness (mostly caused by tfwngf)
>Returned to home to today
>Finished to read "the Golden Ass", was ready to sleep
>My brother returned to home at 2.00 a.m.
>Is gonna have an orgy or something in the room next to mine
>They will be noisy for hours

God I wish I didn't return to my hometown, why my parents convinced me?

[Anonymous No.15460285]

>>15454538
>White man lacks balls
Only after WWII is this remotely true. Before that Europe was in near-constant war.

[Anonymous No.15460309]

I can't stop doing heroin

[Anonymous No.15460337]

I haven't been sleeping right for a minute. I went to bed at 7pm exhausted and it is now almost 2am and still I haven't slept. At this point death would be preferable. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about all the cunting sleep I'm not bastard getting.

[Anonymous No.15460374]

>>15460309
Just stop bro, how hard can it be?

[Anonymous No.15460388]

>>15458466
Can we be friends?

[Anonymous No.15460418]

>>15457951
Read about the antinomies of reason then come back to this board.

[Anonymous No.15460419]

>>15460374
Is that a joke?

[Anonymous No.15460524]

Dark raindrops fell on the cold asphalt, illuminated by the headlights of the passing cars.

A lone, hulking figure, carrying a duffelbag, walked slowly through the rain, shoulder hunched to shelter against the cold of the night. He’d just finished his daily workout at the 24-hour gym he was registered at, lifting alone in the middle of the night as usual. He liked the loneliness of an empty gym.

As the clock had gone past midnight, it was now his 30th birthday. According to several legends on the internet, he was now officially a Wizard, having never felt even the embrace of a woman apart from his mother in all of his life. Despite having the body of a marble statue carved to illustrate the perfect specimen, his lack of ambition in life, and perhaps lack of affection from anyone, had led his personality to become that of a hermit.

Perhaps it was the darkness of the night and the patter of rain, or perhaps it was him being lost in a world inside his head, that made him not notice the dairy truck that was driving at full speed towards him as he crossed the road to his apartment building. The result was the same, however, and the last thing he would see in this world was a rapidly approaching set of lights.

-

When he came to, he was in a sauna. Apart from a small towel draped across his nethers, he was naked, sweat already glistening off his muscles. Confusion struck, and his mind had to grasp for a few seconds with the new reality before he could properly focus. His eyes scanned the damp room and found a figure sitting at the other end of the sauna. Dark, tattooed skin stretched over a body of lean muscle, spiky dark hair on his head, and a sly smile on his face. The figure grinned.

“Looks like ya finally made it, brah.”

“...Zyzz?” the man asked, now even more confused.

“That’s right, brah. Can’t believe ya carked it before shaggin’ a sheila, but here we are.”

“I’m dead? And this is the afterlife?”

“Yer half wrong there, breh. Yer 6 feet unda, but this ain’t the afterlife. Ya did it, ya sad cunt. Ya became a Wizard. And as a reward, ya get the chance for a do-over.”

Zyzz stood up, sweat falling off his body. He staggered for a moment before regaining composure.

“Jaysus Chroist, even when I’m dead the sauna’s still trying to get me. Anyway brah, I’m gonna send ya to a world of magic and swords, so ya betta do ya best this time around to finally get laid and become a mad cunt.”

“Wait, what? Magic and swords and… what do you mean!?”

“It’s magic, brah. I ain’t gotta explain shit.”

And with that, Zyzz flexed his pecs, struck a pose, and winked at the man, who vanished into steamy mist.

[Anonymous No.15460571]

A qt girl asked me to be her roommate in a house.

[Anonymous No.15460581]

This world is a graveyard

[Anonymous No.15460758]

>>15460571
my man

[Anonymous No.15460808]

>>15460190
Because believing in nothing has been very unsatisfying. And I already explained why, I have a nagging suspicion that I’m trying to willingly dupe myself into becoming a victim of an ancient mind control plot

[Anonymous No.15460893]

>>15460418
>kant
>more naive empiricism
eat my poop atheist.

[Anonymous No.15460980]

>>15460524
i miss the gym. the gym is one of the few places where you can make easily discernible progress. you follow instructions, put in the work, put in the time, and like a magical machine, it spits out results. how many other areas of life can you confidently say "for sure, just put in the time and effort, and youll receive proportional results"
this stands in stark contrast to the complexity and randomness of real life where often times i find myself walking aimlessly in a dense fog, hoping that im going the right direction, but ultimately unsure.
and in regards to the arbitrariness of life, the randomness, i guess fat fuck Soprano kinda sums it up:
>"youre born into this shit. you are who you are. why the fuck arent i making pots in Peur?"

the pillars holding up my previous world view has come crashing down, and now i am left without a clue. it is both freeing and intimidating. there is some comfort to be found in the older times when everything simply came down to God; assuming you dodge the plague, avoid the Inquisition, and aren't born a serf.

i think i would have an easier time trudging forward, rolling the stone again and again, if i werent so heavily in debt. at least i can comfort myself knowing i can retire early, and the cross the bridge of "what the fuck do i do" bridge then.
i took an ill-considered gamble. i hold all responsibility for my poorly made financial choices. but godamn does the debt weigh heavy, and working a low-paying job doesnt make it any better.

perhaps it is better to leave humanity behind.

[Anonymous No.15461003]

>>15460893
>kant
>empiricist
actual retard

[Anonymous No.15461005]

I must become the Kwisatz Haderach, the one who is many. To do this, I will consume as many works of philosophy and as many trades and hobbies as possible, to attempt to understand the motivations of others and master my own body and mind to master others and become God

[Anonymous No.15461036]

>>15460980
>perhaps it is better to leave humanity behind
Don't do it before I finish /fit/izen isekai.

[Anonymous No.15461052]

>>15453769
I'm not even sad anymore. I'm just fucking angry all the time - simmering beneath the surface.

[Anonymous No.15461070]

Here I've been, trying to draw for two years despite not liking it, just because I had used to like it as a kid and was hoping to find some alternate career. Now here I am trying to get into writing, and like getting pages and pages of notes, and planning characters and such. Now realizing that I just don't have any stories I want to tell. I just want to have a thing that I want to do. Nothing works so far.

[Anonymous No.15461094]

>>15461070
You should write about a failed artist then!

[Anonymous No.15461104]

>>15455410
It’s is true
he lives

[Anonymous No.15461119]

>>15459659
No. I did once before. Someone important saved me and I don’t think I’ll consider it again.

[Anonymous No.15461122]

>>15461005
>watermark
Get the fuck out

[Anonymous No.15461149]

>>15455410
It is true
he lives

[Anonymous No.15461351]

I had a girl I'm emotionally very close with over at my place alone for a few nights (that we were alone was an accident), and I fell for her really badly. I realized that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she just doesn't feel the same way and I hate myself for not being good enough for her.

[Anonymous No.15461405]

>>15461122
>watermark
>on a Dune meme

I see plans within plans

[Anonymous No.15461494]

I feel so guilty, like a cowardly killer who deserves to be disposed of in a dumpster. Not even the solace of martyrdom can save me from this horrifying retribution. I knowingly made mistakes and am helpless as these righteous maggots feast on me.

[Anonymous No.15461756]

>>15460571
Fuck her in the butt and call her cute anon you got this bud.

[Anonymous No.15461817]

>>15461351
It's not that you aren't good enough, you are just different than what she wants in a partner/lover/etc. You'll get over it anon. I hate when I get infatuated with a girl, it's so horrible. It feels meaningful, and forlorn, and sad, and the fucking rush of thinking about them makes you feel complete. Shit sucks.
>>15461494
What'd ya do?

[Anonymous No.15461829]

>>15453869
are you reading about the jia tolentino thing. its so dark

[Anonymous No.15461867]

I think I have an inferiority complex towards artists. Like artist-artists, the ones who make a a lifestyle and aesthetic out of avant-garde griminess. Some basic examples:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Y3CfnA2pQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FH-q0I1fJY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYnW4DD5EKU

I don't feel "tuned in" to whatever energy this kind of thing is meant to convey, why other people get a kick out of it. I don't know what I'm meant to study to get context for it. What does any of it convey, what tradition does it carry out? Is it all just posturing? Or am I just too much of a scrub to understand either way?

[Anonymous No.15461891]

>>15461867
A lot of art in videos is just pushing design and the medium.

[Anonymous No.15462008]

>>15461817
The story's too complicated to tell but my negligence put innocent people's livelihoods at risk.

[Anonymous No.15462018]

>>15461891
To what end, though? What aspect is being "pushed", towards where?

[Anonymous No.15462058]

>>15461867
Bubsy 3D is just a joke.
Grimes is a mentally ill hack.
Don't beat yourself up over it.

[Anonymous No.15462349]

given that I'm writing comedic fantasy for a young adult demographic, how egregious is it to feature a girl using her pet turtle as an improvised weapon?

I know I'm writing trash, believe me I know. Please just pretend Terry Pratchet is writing this horseshit and say what you would think

[Anonymous No.15462363]

>>15460893
>kant
>empiricism
anon

[Anonymous No.15462386]

>>15461867
I remember you made this same exact post a year ago, I forgot about it but here we are again with these same three links. Nothing has changed

[Anonymous No.15462397]

>>15453769
My heart has many troubles, each trouble in itself a world preserved in mists of memory, far memory never to be fully recalled, as the act of remembering demands more remembering. Therefore I feel hate against those worlds, worlds which cannot be changed, troubles which cannot be solved, there is never enough hate to feel against those hunched creatures, forgotten by faculty, stones down the abyss of nostalgic memory. Loathe breeds loathe, as satisfaction is mist, dissipated, far away happiness, only broken promises, but this man is free to feel other things, for the moment being and once again to forget freedom and fall into the lap of the hateful heart, the nostalgic heart, the troublesome heart, the human heart.

[Anonymous No.15462421]

>>15462349
Does she bash somebody's skull in with it?

[Anonymous No.15462451]

>>15461005
Don't forget to rail huge quantities of spice.

[Anonymous No.15462488]

>>15458445
you get both

[Anonymous No.15462517]

So I decided to give anime a chance once again after a year of nothing but literature and films as my main sources of entertainment.
The anime I choose is Neon Genesis Evangelion since it has a great reputation over here. So far I'm only interested in the aesthetic of the animation and the personality of the characters. And the whole plot about an evil organization trying to fuck things up in the city is not my main concern.

[Anonymous No.15462524]

>>15462517
I hope that you enjoy it, anon.

[Anonymous No.15462536]

>>15460893
Explain to me how pure intuitions are best characterised then?

[Anonymous No.15462599]

>>15462517
Should have started and stopped with Legend of the Galactic Heroes. But no one listens to me.

[Anonymous No.15462608]

>>15453769
are my balls getting smaller?
should I invest in the stock exchange?
where should I move?
should I impregnate women urgently?
I'm getting old
what the fuck am I doing?

[Anonymous No.15462613]

>>15462599
A one-hundred-plus episode monster might not be the best recommendation for something trying to get into animue.

[Anonymous No.15462615]

>>15453769
I'm the same age as J was when she was teaching us. It's really sad to think about.

[Anonymous No.15462656]

>>15462421
it's more a knockout blow than a kill-shot. If she wants to do a kill-shot she uses her slingstaff

[Anonymous No.15462660]

>>15462656
I kind of feel bad for the turtle...

[Anonymous No.15462663]

>>15462349
sounds like some shit from a light novel

[Anonymous No.15462727]

Assimilate into the yolk faintly as she empty the multitude.
Add the surrogate activity you long for.
Upper-lips surfacing the crotch.
Un-understanding opposite of the windows.
Cubicle of fogs.

[Anonymous No.15462735]

>>15462517
I can't watch anime unironically, it's too boring

[Anonymous No.15462736]

This board fucking sucks for genuinely discussing literature
For all the shit people on here give college lit classes, I've had way better discussions with other students than one could ever hope to have on here

[Anonymous No.15462743]

What's the most important language in the field of hermeneutics?

[Anonymous No.15462841]

>>15461119
Even God didnt want you to die

[Anonymous No.15462844]

>>15458859
how do you got a photography?
can you please explain the process a little bit?

[Anonymous No.15462884]

I think that everybody lives in a different world. Despite the fact that we all share the same reality, differences in our perception of that reality lead people to experience that same reality in substantially different ways. The things that we react to and how we react to them, the way our emotions are triggered and how they make us feel, the way two peoples' minds can reach the same conclusion but through different paths of thought... Each person lives in their own bubble or world, which is comprised of the way that they perceive and interact with reality. I think the truest form of connection and intimacy you can have with another human being is to find somebody who lives in your world, or one very similar to it. One who perceives reality in a way close to the way you do.

[Anonymous No.15462892]

Why i am the way i am?

[Anonymous No.15462896]

>>15462892
A combination of genetics, parental imprinting, and life experiences.

[Anonymous No.15462903]

>>15462892
Accumulation of karmic imprints

[Anonymous No.15462905]

>>15462884
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZQZZf_R434

[Anonymous No.15462910]

>>15453769
Nothing matters anymore

[Anonymous No.15462917]

>>15462910
Nothing ever mattered, and nothing ever will, except for the things that you decide to let matter

[Anonymous No.15462924]

>>15462884
The problem is that your own reality isn't static, you might kick it off with someone temporarily but have to move on as your own reality evolves and shifts. A lot of people have extremely negative and toxic realities, and they don't want to ever move on because they have genuine bonds with other people who share the same dark wavelength. I would say that the majority of humanity is in darkness, but darkness is comfortable and familiar so we as a species continue to dwell in the dark

[Anonymous No.15462933]

>>15462910
Whatever happens will happen, submission is freedom. Unclench the fist

[Anonymous No.15462934]

>>15462917
funny how cycles work

[Anonymous No.15462952]

>>15462933
Submission to life is only a sick, perverse kind of freedom. What use is that freedom if you give up the will to act? That path only leads to atrophy. Keep the fist clenched. Struggle is at the heart of life, and a defining characteristic of the human condition. To not struggle is to not live, and makes you something less than human.

[Anonymous No.15462953]

>>15462896
Can you really escape genetics and parenting?

[Anonymous No.15462956]

>>15462953
with a lot of effort, yes.

[Anonymous No.15462959]

>>15462952
You can punch a rock, but in the end it the rock will win

[Anonymous No.15462963]

>>15462959
what did the rock ever do to you to deserve being punched?

[Anonymous No.15462968]

>>15462959
But the act of attempting to break the rock gives you purpose, which brings definition and meaning into your existence. What do you have once you've given up punching? Nothing. And besides, you won't always be punching rocks. Sometimes you might be punching wood, or thin plaster. Sometimes you won't know what you're punching until after you've punched it a few times.

[Anonymous No.15462972]

>>15462959
You destroy the rock by making him your friend. Or I guess pet.

[Anonymous No.15462979]

>>15462959
this reminds me of a metaphor I heard a long time ago

dumping a bucket of water on a rock all at once achieves nothing, but a steady trickle of droplets over time can reshape it completely

if you want to change something, be the steady trickle, not the big bucket

[Anonymous No.15462992]

>>15462979
I don't have time for that.

[Anonymous No.15462996]

I see no point in trying as you're going to die one day and this world will cease to exist as a dream does after a night.

[Anonymous No.15463016]

>>15462979

[Anonymous No.15463023]

>>15462996
now imagine your dream lasts for 100 years or even more

would you rather that dream be an adventurous voyage, or a nightmarish fever dream?

[Anonymous No.15463044]

>>15462979
I trade the bucket of water for a hammer/pick

[Anonymous No.15463105]

>>15463023
Theres no adventurous voyage in current day before space colonization.

[Anonymous No.15463235]

>>15454657
Read Kara no Shojo

[Anonymous No.15463242]

I need something intellectually stimulating to masturbate to.

[Anonymous No.15463315]

>>15463023
Nightmarish fever dreams are enjoyable sometimes

[Anonymous No.15463337]

>>15455471
Do you live with your parents?

[Anonymous No.15463349]

>>15453777
>god either doesn't exist or is malevolent and therefore is undeserving of worship
>boohoo bad things happen therefore god bad
Have you considered that for an omnipotent being our definition of 'bad' is irrelevant? Have you read the Book of Job? Or are you a gedonistic manchild who would rather overdose on dope than to do anything that requires a semblance of effort?

[Anonymous No.15463744]

>>15463242
That mindbreak doujin

[Anonymous No.15463753]

MY MIND IS OUT HERE ON ANOTHER WAVE

SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW
SHE WONT GROW

[Anonymous No.15463898]

>>15462613
It’s so good tho.
>>15462844
Take lots of pictures, learn how your camera works, learn how to edit them in software. Photography is a cruel joke based on where and when you are in time and space. It’s the art for the patient and untalented.

[Anonymous No.15463908]

Not to be cliché, but I feel like I'm unable to write anything of value unless it's derived from negative emotions. I'm just numb to everything in my life lately and the lack of hurt is giving me writer's block. I want to believe that I am capable of creating good art without suffering, but I'm struggling, and I worry that my inability to write unless depressed completely invalidates any ability I may possess.

I am also reminiscing on times with a former partner. We were horrible to each other, and have been done for over a year now, but the thought of my ex lingers in the back of my mind. Part of me wishes this were the case for them as well, but they have experienced so much sadness in life that I would not want to wish them more pain. Hell, every time we got back together was a ticking time bomb. Maybe if I reminisce on this long enough I can get sad enough to write.

[Anonymous No.15464477]

>>15463349
>Humans can’t judge God’s morality
>Killing millions of people is actually good when God does it
You might as well be worshiping Cthulhu at this rate. Even C.S. Lewis didn’t buy into this level of retardation.

[Anonymous No.15465689]

I dream of writing something that seamlessly mixes typical story tropes, especially those aimed at young audiences or that have an optimistic approach (anime, cartoons, comics) and the crushing, bleak, nihilistic darkness of reality.
I don't want to write an "edgy" story, I want something that feels truly bleak, something that leaves the reader with an empty feeling in their stomachs. But it's so hard.
I want to write a story with characters that have no redeeming qualities, a world that has no hope, a story where heroes bleed because plot armor doesn't exist, a story that can end abruptly and abominably despite the hero's best efforts, despite giving their all. I aim to imitate the amoral randomness of the world, the way it takes all of our values and cultural systems and drags them through the dirt of a lawless, savage world until you can see their raw, palpitating flesh. Beneath the disguises of man, we're all animals trapped in an animal world.
I want to reflect the most hopeless aspects of our societies, how a completely normal person can end up homeless, addicted, raped, a criminal, a killer. The thousand abominable possibilities that exist out there and we desperately try to suppress. I want to make a parody of our escapist fiction, by turning that same escape into nothing more than an ugly mirror.
I want to do what Mark Millar did in The Unfunnies and Wanted but better. I want to do all the things Garth Ennis did right in The Boys. I want to do what Miura did in Berserk but remove the remaining dignity, heroism and escapism from it. I want to do what Asano did in Punpun but with an even more savage and degraded view of society. I think Himizu by Minoru Himura comes really close to my ideal of a story about absolute, utter despair.


But everything I write reads like shit.

[Anonymous No.15466346]

>>15462663
that's basically what it is. As I said, I'm writing cartoonish trash

[Anonymous No.15466396]

>>15463105
There totally is

[Anonymous No.15466567]

Being allergic to soi is legitimately a terrible experience. There's no convenience food, really. I have to make 99% of the stuff I eat from scratch each day. When my friends want to go to a restaurant I have to either accept it and itch, find something on the menu without onions, and be annoying and ask them to mind my allergies. I usually take the first option which ruins my day or night. I'll wake up in the middle of the night itching. Ruins my sleep. I have to take a hot shower to stop it.

It's very annoying.

[Anonymous No.15466600]

>>15455695
pinga moo

[Anonymous No.15466617]

14 years later, still haven't completed anything.

Surely I can't be the only one wondering this. You work on something for a long time and still don't have anything to "show" for it.

I've been writing nearly every day since I was 13, but mostly notes and outlines. Compared to 14 years ago, I still definitely see improvement. I feel like I am at a stage where I am recognizing my strengths and ideas are starting to flow together, and even ideas I haven't touched in years are resurfacing in the right places. The content is more original and I believe in it more. Creativity is definitely a muscle that you either use (and get stronger) or lose.

But here's the thing - I have nothing completed, let alone published. The technical or minute details - connecting scene to scene to transition smoothly - are lacking in my work though I've finished outlines before. I do have short stories from middle and high school but that was long ago that I am barely the same person.

Even at the age of 27, I feel like I don't know enough to convincingly write the content that I want, and there's always more life to live, more to learn. It also seems many good artists and writers make their debut in their late 20's to mid 30's anyway - probably because that's when people start to develop more substance.

My plan was to go for the long con, meaning focus on living life first so I have something to work with even if it means I'll "bloom" later in life, and focus on finishing something of quality that I believe in instead of trying to marathon through stories just for the sake of finishing something. But I am starting to feel the pressure of time.

[Anonymous No.15466641]

>>15454538
Red man lacks land
Brown man lacks hygiene
Nose man lacks morals

[Anonymous No.15466669]

>>15453769
Black people: equal in rights and basic dignity to white people. However, the hex code for black is #000000, while the hex code for white is #ffffff. That means black is 16,777,215 increments below white. Since GOD MADE NUMBERS INCLUDING HEXIDECIMAL, the implications are clear

[Anonymous No.15466823]

>>15466669
Black people are just white people that god painted upon their canvas.

[Anonymous No.15467110]

>>15466617
hey man, atleast you have a hobby you like and a life path. some people like me have neither.

[Anonymous No.15467491]

>>15453769
Keeping journal has been the only thing stopping me from going insane and harming others.

[Anonymous No.15467497]

>>15462599
Based

>>15462517
Evangelion is really only aesthetics

[Anonymous No.15467809]

>>15454538
I don't know man, I think I don't have either of the 3

[Anonymous No.15467824]

>>15453769
is there any good community online to discuss literature/philosophy or am i stuck in here

[Anonymous No.15467834]

>>15467824
Anywhere that isn't anonymous.

[Anonymous No.15467865]

Finished the goldfinch today and honestly kinda underwhelmed. It dragged on a lot and could’ve been shorter. I liked Boris tho

[Anonymous No.15467885]

I hate how everyone tries telling me that others don't care about me being a khv, ugly, anxious, etc. People are always gossiping about one another, so why should it be any different for me? Most "adults" are just high schoolers with responsibilities. Of course nobody cares when they don't know who you are, but as soon as people get closer to you and you're more than an insignificant blip on their radar, they will spout all sorts of nasty things about you.

[Anonymous No.15467893]

>>15467885
>khv
how do people not even hold hands?

[Anonymous No.15467894]

>>15467885
Just because people gossip and talk shit doesn't mean they actually care, either way it doesn't really matter

[Anonymous No.15467903]

>>15467894
>Just because people gossip and talk shit doesn't mean they actually care
What? Why would they do that then?

>>15467893
How do you hold hands?

[Anonymous No.15467914]

>>15467903
>How do you hold hands?
you take a hand and you hold it

[Anonymous No.15467915]

>>15467903
Some people just love to talk shit with others, it helps give themselves a feeling of being superior, more clever, and above filthy losers. Ironically these people all talk shit about each other as well, I wouldn't take it that seriously it's just monkey behavior

[Anonymous No.15467921]

>>15467834
there are a lot of non-anonymous places that are a lot worse than here

[Anonymous No.15467936]

Been working on a novel for five years now. Every sentence is to my taste, it's the first time I feel I've actually written something good, and nothing brings me more joy than reading it. But I've been writing less and less, because I feel refusals from publishers would completely crush me.

[Anonymous No.15467994]

you can spend almost your whole life doing things you don't like. i feel like thats what ive done, hoping to be rewarded. but its all for nothing. its as if ive just been drifting along all this time.

despite doing a difficult stem degree, it appears to have been completely useless. i gave up all hope about a year and a half after graduating. ive worked diligently at shitty jobs for shitty pay ever since. what hobbies i have, whether athletic or intellectual in nature, never seem to amount to anything. nothing seems to come together. what remains of my life will be devoted to wageslavery, im sure. i really see no other option. my only cope is to have children so i can tell myself, "I do it for them, because I'm a father"...only for them to probably spit in my face one day and have my wife divorce me.

i can only look at the things ive done with the deepest regret. if i knew my degree was going to be useless, i would have just done something i enjoyed more. maybe ive just had a shit day at work, but then again they're all shit. its so unsatisfying yet i do it anyway. at this point am i really to swim against whatever current is sweeping me away? i dont think im capable

[Anonymous No.15468006]

These mosquitoes are getting very annoying but I'm too bored to get the fan

[Anonymous No.15468073]

why is she in my thoughts keeping me awake til past 3 every night, hasnt she done enough to me?

[Anonymous No.15468082]

>>15467936
not even sending it is a definite refusal

[Anonymous No.15468196]

>>15467994
what degree and what job? if you don't mind

[Anonymous No.15468230]

>>15468073
Go fuck other girls instead anon. Pussy cancels out pussy.

[Anonymous No.15468311]

>>15456318
Yes.

[Anonymous No.15468312]

>>15468196
biochem was my undergrad. currently work in admin/management at a small company, but often do a lot of receptionist bs because we're understaffed.

if i could go back i'd take some language degree like german or russian or french. learn a language, read a lot of lit, study abroad. cant imagine what would have been better than that. if it turned out to be useless, i doubt i would have regretted it

[Anonymous No.15468324]

>>15456318
I used to feel that way but I don’t care enough to run anymore. Now I just want to take walks in the forest.

[Anonymous No.15468380]

I see a lot of those "for my birthday I'm asking for donations to x" on facebook and it always depresses me because no one ever donates and if they do it's one person donating $5 or something. Saw it on my mom's facebook and got even more depressed since no one donated for an animal charity. Scrolled down and saw some pictures of our animals that have passed and I'm about to cry. I miss them.

Facebook is so stupid. Goddamn it. Just nothing but nothing.

[Anonymous No.15468549]

>>15453769
I have contemplated shooting my father.

[Anonymous No.15468567]

>go to therapy
>tell them of my family's trauma
>"Do you think that's your pain, or are you just holding onto it?"
>bitchwtf.jpg
>cunt, I've told you my entire family's story
>All she did was tell me to look into medication videos on YouTube while practicing mindfulness

Why are shrinks a respected class of people? They barely know what the fuck they remember from college, and lack the ability to discern any modern identify crisis brought on by the advancement of technology. Maybe I just need to find a better therapist.

[Anonymous No.15468572]

>>15468380
I feel that, anon. I love my mom so much, and whenever I see her post something that gets no responses, my mind automatically goes "YOU FUCKERS, SHE DESERVES BETTER."

[Anonymous No.15468576]

They're going to butcher millions of people, cause torture on a scale previously only associated with metaphysical systems, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it

[Anonymous No.15468580]

>>15468567
*meditation videos

fucking autocorrect

[Anonymous No.15468581]

>>15468567
She wasn't wrong, it was actually your fault for paying someone to tell you to wash your dick

[Anonymous No.15468589]

>>15468567
There are a lot of problems with modern psychiatric practice, but I think you just have a shit therapist.

[Anonymous No.15468591]

>>15468581
It's free where I live. Sorry you're an American.

[Anonymous No.15468594]

Fuck all the rest of you fags, who can't get it done. I'm going to get it done. I'M going to get it done.

I am going to be the greatest writer AND the greatest poet of the 21st Century. I am going to write the greatest work of literature of the 21st Century. Maybe the greatest work of art of the 21st Century, across all the arts. I am going to make a work of art that people will be reading a thousand years from now. I am going to make something that is True, Beautiful, and Good, something that glorifies God, something that stirs the deepest depths of the human soul.

Nobody has any ambition any more. It's bullshit. But I do. I have ambition. I am going to wake literature from the dead.

[Anonymous No.15468600]

>>15468589
>>15468591
And also fuck you, you babbling fucking abortion of slime and coagulated blood.

[Anonymous No.15468610]

>>15468594
I'm a better writer than you. And there's nothing you can even do about it. Your efforts will fail. And mine will be better. I'm young and have endless energy. The gap will never decrease as long as I'm alive.

t. fake rugglespynchonposter

[Anonymous No.15468618]

>>15468600
Sorry, this post was meant for >>15468581

(fuck you)

[Anonymous No.15468621]

>>15468082
I know. I'll send it once it's finished, but I have the sinking feeling that, if it gets refused, I won't be able to muster the courage required to start over again. And I'm afraid of what that would do to me.

[Anonymous No.15468628]

>>15468621
James Joyce's Dubliners was rejected 18 times. It took him almost a decade to publish it.

[Anonymous No.15468636]

>>15468572
I think I may be over it a bit now because of further thoughts on how stupid facebook is. It's not indicative of how much people care or anything it's just a time waster for most people so they can share stupid, aggregated bullshit on it. The original thoughts hardly ever get noticed, and from what I've see when someone reposts something it barely gets noticed to.

I am lucky my mom loves me and still lets me live in her house despite being 29. I think when we have breakfast I'll give her a hug. Maybe. We don't really do that. I don't know.

I love my mom.

[Anonymous No.15468719]

>>15468628
True. And Proust was rejected as well at first, by André Gide of all people. I'll fight for it, I have no doubt.

[Anonymous No.15468745]

>>15468636
Loving your mom is based, anon.

[Anonymous No.15468758]

This crushing sentiment of sand running through my fingers while I try to grasp it won't go away. I daydream of sailing a boat to endless seas, climbing mountains so tall I may kiss Gaia on her lips. I say daydream because when I sleep i dream of nothing but fucking hotties I see around. Oh wow, I wish I could just find meaning to it all on the bottom of an old forgotten box in my attic.

[Anonymous No.15468776]

>>15454860
Dont you fantasize about it? And dont you read?

[Anonymous No.15468783]

>>15455860
Life is a meat grinder. Surprise, you're meat.

[Anonymous No.15468792]

>>15467936
>not publishing after your death

[Anonymous No.15468883]

>>15462349
Even Beetlejuice is gentle with turtles, that's fucked up.

[Anonymous No.15468901]

>>15468758
hit peak cringe at Gaia but then i saw the word hotties and started laughing. terrible.

[Anonymous No.15468921]

>>15468901
Gaia is my friend's hot mom. Why is it cringe, anon? They live uphill.

[Anonymous No.15469019]

>>15468380
Recently deleted Facebook and I’ve never felt better. Leave the data farm anon it’ll kill your spirit.

[Anonymous No.15469072]

>>15468572
>>15468636
>>15468745
>mom is an elder care social worker
>grew up as a little kid following her to nursing homes and retirement communities after school and stuff when we couldn’t get a babysitter
>her job is to place elderly people in crisis into better living conditions and to help them get services and resources to make the end of their lives comfortable
>moves people from shitty facilities where they’re mistreated to less expensive ones where they get better care and genuine human interaction
>watch her do this over the years and come to understand how many lives she’s saved and improved
>she acknowledges the elder care warehousing system in the US is awful but if she can help people escape it and get what she needs then she’s doing her part to fix it
>regularly calls social services and gets people arrested when she comes across cases of elder abuse
>she even got a couple of abusive elder care facilities in New England shut down
>always told me that I need to be the one to change things I hate for the better
>see her elderly clients absolutely light up whenever she goes to see them
>some of these people have no one, and she’s the only person in their lives supporting and comforting them in their final days
>she even brings them their favorite foods, candies, movies, etc, small things that mean the world and make them feel young again

She taught me to respect my elders, and she taught me the true value of kindness. I love my mother to death and to me she is a super hero. She inspires me to do good in the world and I am so proud of her.

Glad you guys love your moms too.

[Anonymous No.15469075]

>>15453769
This

[Anonymous No.15469354]

The death of George Floyd has plastered the 612 area code all over social media. Out there, somewhere, my abusive ex and their current partner are probably making posts advocating for social progression. I watch my ceiling fan thinking about how inauthentic it all feels. Caring about human life should involve taking accountability for your actions. It took a year and multiple people to tell me that there's something clearly wrong because of what happened. When I cut contact, they demanded me to "think hard and long" about what I did. That same voice is supposedly speaking out against people who do wrong towards people. Oil companies, cops, politicians.

And that just doesn't feel right. There's nothing I can do about it, nor is there any need to paint them as an evil caricature, but none of it seems real.

[Anonymous No.15469399]

stupid... It's so stupid. it's like ww1. over the top now into the machine gun fire. Just keep throwing men, don't you know? firepower increases offensive power, we can't possibly lose! It's like masochism, except where you don't get off on it, it just hurts. It doesn't even change anything, you just keep taking loans to throw even more money at the problem until you default. Work hard, burn out.

[Anonymous No.15469460]

>>15469399
What are you talking about anon, the Iran-Iraq War?

[Anonymous No.15469503]

>>15469460
i'm talking about working hard.

[Anonymous No.15469518]

>>15469503
What do you do?

[Anonymous No.15469522]

>>15469518
i'm an artist

[Anonymous No.15469530]

>>15455500
That's a big boi right there. Rest in Peace.

[Anonymous No.15469535]

>>15469522
What kind of art do you do anon?

[Anonymous No.15469582]

>>15455758
Do something physically demanding for a year. You'll hate it so much that your brain will have no choice but to pass that exam for fear of going back to the pits.

[Anonymous No.15469588]

>>15469535
anime

[Anonymous No.15469600]

>>15469588
You're an animator?

[Anonymous No.15469606]

>>15469600
nah, i'm not that good

[Anonymous No.15469682]

>>15469606
Oh okay. If that's your drawing then I think I might have seen you some where else. It's cute.

Do you do drawing for a company or something?

[Anonymous No.15469712]

>>15469682
no, i'm just tired of all the bad advice. I just can't grind anymore. I have to be clever.

[Anonymous No.15469726]

>>15469712
I understand. It's hard out there, isn't it?

What kind of anime do you like, anon?

[Anonymous No.15469758]

>>15469582
i had no choice but to pass that exam this year as well pretty much, my family, especially my parents were really rooting for me, they still think i must've gotten it, we'll find out in 2 weeks i guess.
i just don't wanna disappoint them and waste another year of my life

i was just extremely unlucky in that i fucked up on the day of the exam by underperforming.. pure bad luck

[Anonymous No.15469782]

>>15469726
my favorite was the rainbow episode from mushishi. (ep7)

or otoyomegatari. the chapter where Pariya learns to sew was the first time I really related to a character.
thinking about it, is that weird? not to be an edgelord or anything but I've never really related to a character before her. is that normal?

[Anonymous No.15469802]

>>15469782
I've seen Mushishi but I've never read Otoomegatari, sorry.
>thinking about it, is that weird?
Of course not. People unusually find something specific or personal like that to attach to. Maybe you just found it relevant to your own life somehow? Is there something particular about sewing that you like?

[Anonymous No.15469809]

>>15469802
*Otoyomegatari, sorry.

[Anonymous No.15469853]

>>15469802
it's beautiful, i'd recommend it.

and you read that wrong :p

[Anonymous No.15469860]

>>15469802
I was asking if it was strange to never relate to any of the characters you see.

[Anonymous No.15469897]

>>15469853
Yeah, I've been meaning to read it for a while, but maybe I'll take your recommendation to heart.
>>15469860
I guess it's a little unusual if you've gone your whole life without relating to some character, but hey, everyone is different. It just took you a while to find something that clicked is all.

[Anonymous No.15469942]

How the fuck did I get sucked into an e relationship

[Anonymous No.15469954]

>>15469942
A friendship or a dating relationship?

[Anonymous No.15469989]

>>15469954
It’s not really dating but this girl keeps messaging and calling me. I didn’t want to pursue it because I know a “relationship” over the internet is bad for many reasons. But it’s not like I get female attention irl, so here I am

[Anonymous No.15470012]

>>15469989
How did she get your number? Maybe you can just be friends or something.

[Anonymous No.15470083]

>>15470012
>How did she get your number?
A friend of a friend
>Maybe you can just be friends or something.
This is what I’d like

[Anonymous No.15470172]

>>15470083
Maybe see where it goes I guess. Just don't be overly flirty or romantic or whatever, just in case you give her the wrong idea.

[Anonymous No.15470194]

>>15470172
I just don’t see the point if she lives 1000 miles away

[Anonymous No.15470300]

>>15470194
I don't think anyone would blame you.

[Anonymous No.15470346]

the skin on my dick is dry, and no it's not because of masturbation

[Anonymous No.15470676]

I was reading about the bicameral mind earlier and it got me interested in learning more about bronze age history and just early human history in general, but I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to approach learning about topics that I'm interested in. I don't know where to look for reliable information and I feel like, left to my own devices, I'll end up making the wrong choices and accepting bullshit as fact. Really I don't know how to think critically. I'm an idiot, that's become really clear to me lately.

[Anonymous No.15470836]

>>15470676
You're not an idiot anon. But posting in a thread that's on autosage is a bit silly :)

[Anonymous No.15470849]

I made a reply in this thread the other day that was something to the effect of “I wish I could be 16 again today”. I’m 27 and although I feel this way, it wasn’t exactly easy for me to pin down why but I think I’ve been able to flesh it out. I had a lot of tough moments when I was kid. Really, 16-24 was really tough. I went through some things that ideally no young person should have to go to and as a result but in the end they forced me to grow. The frustration lies in the fact that it’s been such a long process. It’s hard to feel the benefits of growth when it’s taken you 10 years to make sense of it all and by the time you have a clear head, you look up to find you should’ve had it together years ago. I want to be 16 again knowing what I know now because I desperately wish those trials and tribulations had been more rapidly transformative. The trauma came at 16 but it didn’t become transformative until 26. I wish I had that “moment” at 17. Instead, I spent it floating around and it’s hard to cope with that at this point because no matter what you take from it, there’s this deep feeling of sadness.