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/lit/ - Literature

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1624246 No.1624246 [Reply] [Original]

k guidos. tell me if my poem sucks deck.


At 4:30, he wakes up
theres darkness in the east,
Unaware he'll soon sup
at Valhalla's feast,

Jumping in his car,
Nothing but a callow lad.
Count on his arrival,
If theres progress to be had.

Plugging turns, unrelenting,
What glints across the hood?
The sun, it is ascending,
He thought it never would.

To it he heads with pride,
Wishing he could fly,
A goal, it does provide,
That gleaming target in the sky.

Heedless, he proceeds,
Regardless of his path.
In that Honda-branded steed,
opposition feels his wrath.

Never once in his ambition...
he never thought it would...
Light now shrouds his vision,
like darkness never could.

So much sun; too much glare
Seeing naught but his goal
Slightly less aware
of the telephone pole.

From the road he did deviate
impending collision-
"abort! …No, its too late"
thought the man on a mission.

His head, it hits the helm,
cranial trauma, lots of gore,
As he enters a new realm,
Blind forevermore.

12/19/09

>> No.1624252
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1624252

>12/19/09

>> No.1624253

The whole time I read that poem, I was thinking about Batman leaving the Batcave in his Batmobile?

Am I on the right track?

>> No.1624260

>>1624253
hmmmm, close enough I guess.

>> No.1624261

>>1624252
yeah, I wrote it a while ago...

>> No.1624291

could be refined a bit, but your on the right track.

>> No.1625258

burp

>> No.1625277

Seems alright to me

Hey OP, would you be okay with the New Zine Publishing this? Cue Shameless recruitment drive efforts