poetry thread

[Anonymous No.17872979]

Post and Rate
No Rate = No Feedback.
Lets have a quality thread.

[Anonymous No.17872997]

Please join me on the sea floor.
Oh dignified coral reef.
Perform an oration with your vivid hues.
Declare the ingenuity of the Octopus.
The darting eels and stationary sponges.
Of all the defiantly curious crustaceans.
Dazzling with swift cut appendages!

Clams cultivate your kingdom.
Repetitious arrays of seaweed sway with elegance no salt could preserve.
Rocks rest like contents of the opulent Gallions, all strewn across the ocean floor.
How indignant they all are!
Resting, yet tarnished and corroded.

Your diaphragm awakens a vibrant cacophony.
Graciously dancing in great swills of current.
Precious jewels of the ocean plucked like sun ripened fruit.
Let sink slowly into the bleakness, where no hands will disturb.
All desolate, all sublime.

[Anonymous No.17873010]

Free me from my shackles.

Pull me from my stone.

My thoughts are tied like tackle.

Truth it lies alone.

[Anonymous No.17873337]

>No Rate = No Feedback
why?

[Anonymous No.17873491]

<--

[Anonymous No.17873512]

>>17873491
Weary men seeking ends *

[Anonymous No.17874003]

>>17873010
Give us more clues about why they're tied like tackle

[Anonymous No.17874017]

My mummy-girl slept,
Down all quiet and careful
Like the sunset,
So easy to be missed

Blushing I entered where
I could dearly kiss
Her fragrant honeyed hair

Then a whispered waking,
"Oh I'm overjoyed to see you"
Mummy Soul for the taking

Commending those feverish thighs,
Oaky bronze vase of a girl,
Could kill with one word:
Goodbye

Wrapping around her bottleneck
Pulling now at her lips
Where will she go, what's next?
Graceful bend at the waist
Forever is her face

[Anonymous No.17874042]

>>17872997
There is some conflict with the no salt could preserve, expand on it?

[Anonymous No.17874489]

>>17874003
Lol why? It's pretty self explanatory

[Anonymous No.17875406]

The Grave

It’s been long years Carol Gene
I miss your hands
and I bought a bouquet of flowers like tiny kisses
each one yet to spread
and I hope they spread in your light
I hope each pedaled kiss brands with my love

[Anonymous No.17875826]

>>17872997
The end of the first verse comes as if nothing had happened before. So that was the beginning: a tame Ginsberg in spongebob mode. Nothing goes beyond the 'vignettes maritime'.

"Rocks rest like contents of the opulent Gallions, all strewn across the ocean floor."
*strokes beard, smirks gayly*

Yada yada I won't dig through waves upon wave of mediocre 'splendor linguistique' to unearth your cryptic purpose. Stick your fucking girlfriends diaphragm up your squirting oyster ass. Fuck this. 6/10

[Anonymous No.17877034]

>>17872979
No one rated
Everyone bated

So it died
We were preoccupied

[Anonymous No.17877041]

>>17872997
Why’d ye spill yer beans, Tommeh

[Anonymous No.17877363]

>>17872997
>>17874017
not poetry

>>17875406
>>17873010
bad poetry

[Anonymous No.17877654]

I'm getting filtered by John Milton. I'm reading an anthology and I was having fun with Shakespeare and I even enjoyed Hume's nature poem. Then I get to Milton and it's just not clicking.

[Anonymous No.17879165]

bump

[Anonymous No.17879166]

Stanzas
Make things easier to read
For women
And men like them
I hate poetry
I
Fucking
Hate
Poetry
Fuck

[Anonymous No.17879172]

>>17873491
I like it.

[Anonymous No.17879178]

Your lil' bitch said she won't fuck me 'cause I'm arrogant
My plug used to let me hold them babies like a surrogate
I had them dope boys payin' deposits to get they hands on product
Violence the only way you answer violence
I might pop up in the random projects
With powder like a can of comet, two or three runners and a Pyrex
We supervillains to the music business
I'm gettin' too specific with what I
Do in kitchens, my shit too offensive
I make coke rap sound like a new invention
Cut an envelope of money open usin' scissors
What's worse than a fed case? Goin' to trial broke
Against a prosecutor that washed more niggas than Dial soap
A brick of yay and a genie, that's what it takes just to be me
'Cause I'm too bougie for broke bitches and too gangster for TV
After the RICO, the cash came fast illegal
Y'all cover y'all battered egos in jewelry and Valentino
As for me though, I live by actual street code
I turn quarters to half a kilos to get my links froze
Yeah, probably got a bitch on every block in your hood
So I can still make a play and never stop in your hood
Bought some new Glocks, so I'm good, pounds stocky as Suge
Smokin' Gary Payton just like the '96 Bulls
Hold up, rappers pray to God that them disses get to me
I won't get with them pussies until they make it interestin' to me
Uh huh, you give your man hope when you give that man dope
To feed his family, that's mandatory when your man broke
We was in them vans low, told my trigger man, "Go"
Now I make kilogram dough off an Instagram post, nigga

[Anonymous No.17879402]

>>17873010
Meaningless shower idea. Meaningless not only to the reader, but to yourself.

[Anonymous No.17879405]

from the peacock thread. i wanna write more like this

Who is a peafowl to fault
For his feathery pheasantry?
If a Pavo feels down
Does it fly up a congo tree?

If a fit male found it fit
To save himself the rivalry
Can he be left alone
So he can live quietly?

>>17873491
the flow could be better and the melodrama of this subject is too common. but i liked
>to suffer the fate of being over
>before they begin
and i really liked the last 7 lines
>>17874017
why mummy? either brings to mind incest or necrophilia. the conclusion doesnt feel satisfactory but the second from last stanza is good. it should end there
>>17879166
very cathartic like the gay tom cruise poem. if you wrote that one, i love your poetry and i feel like it filters some. i even like how the two chunks of lines seperated by the "I" are assymetrical (both by line count and line length) but it still sounds and looks good.
>>17879178
i appreciate that its not trap

[Anonymous No.17879625]

Squirting ooze from pussy blisters,
Licking shitty bloated fisher's
Dangling colons; Stinking seaweeds
Breathalize on twitching tongues,
Assholes blast trumpetious songs;
Dagger dancing pregnant mommies
Leaking piss on daddies tummies;
Put a noose around your neck and
Jerk your weed. I hope you'll fucking die scum.

[Anonymous No.17879634]

>>17879405
Nice poem anon. "Feathery pheasantry" is too baroque for me, though.

[Anonymous No.17879804]

>>17879634
Sunday morning, ten to eight.
The Peach of an eastern veil crossfades warmly
into the Baby-blue.
Last night’s crescent lingers still; afraid perhaps,
that The Great Light isn’t enough to birth a new day.
Schools yell out Alarum; kids, adolescents, parents, all
run to answer the call.
Neighborly sparrows congregate ‘round my window,
yet to shit on the sill.
Migrating birds flock north ‘gainst the remnants of winter;
I often think how many of ’em, restless, disorderly, plain,
never do make it.
Now, across the street and on the acme of a building,
a gang of most mischievous rogues lines up next to
a water tank;
it’s the pigeons, as is their wont; loitering, scheming, planning
to take over the world.
It is now eight.


>>17873010
as the others anons said, it's very abstract, and besides it reads more like a musical verse.
>>17875406
this is an overall nice and very heartfelt poem, although I do think there's still room for improvement.

[Anonymous No.17879805]

I'm trans btw if that matters :)

[Anonymous No.17879808]

Sunday morning, ten to eight.
The Peach of an eastern veil crossfades warmly
into the Baby-blue.
Last night’s crescent lingers still; afraid perhaps,
that The Great Light isn’t enough to birth a new day.
Schools yell out Alarum; kids, adolescents, parents, all
run to answer the call.
Neighborly sparrows congregate ‘round my window,
yet to shit on the sill.
Migrating birds flock north ‘gainst the remnants of winter;
I often think how many of ’em, restless, disorderly, plain,
never do make it.
Now, across the street and on the acme of a building,
a gang of most mischievous rogues lines up next to
a water tank;
it’s the pigeons, as is their wont; loitering, scheming, planning
to take over the world.
It is now eight.


>>17873010
as the others anons said, it's very abstract, and besides it reads more like a musical verse.
>>17875406
this is an overall nice and very heartfelt poem, although I do think there's still room for improvement.

[Anonymous No.17880537]

>>17879405
>>17872997
>>17873010
>>17879808
these are all really good, I'm somewhat new to poetry and I don't really know how to give advice to people :/

I want to kill a man,
I want to drink his blood,
I want to break his bones
And trample on his face.

But yet I am here stuck,
My mind, a prisoner,
To matter that wont budge,
My soul, in pain, it hurts.

[Anonymous No.17880569]

>>17872997
>Please join me at the sea floor,
>On dignified coral reef.
Less grandiose and more down to earth. Disregard the Spongebob arguments it's a whole adventure down there.

>>Graciously dancing in great swills of current
>>Precious jewels of the ocean plucked like sun ripened fruit.
>>Let sink slowly into the bleakness, where no hands will disturb.
I love the aliterations.

[Anonymous No.17880857]

Every form and every feather
Loves the poet's gentle airs,
As his lustrous songs of passion
Drip from bending leaf to bossom,
Drop on children's sleeping hair.
etc.

[Anonymous No.17880865]

>>17880857
blossom*

It's just a thing to read, not to rate.

[Anonymous No.17880893]

>>17880537
the edgy first stanza could potentially be something good, even though you're playing with an idea that could turn horribly cringy, and then it does. the inward turn is very lame, especially with that last line. "prisoner of my mind" is a cliche attributed to teens and young kids, not an interesting or revelatory idea

[Anonymous No.17881014]

>>17880893
thanks, but I don't think you understood it, And I didn't go for something 'edgy' or 'non cringe'

[Anonymous No.17881025]

>>17881014
it doesn't matter what you go for, when you write "I want to kill a man," it's gonna be interpreted as edgy at first no matter what. if you wanted it avoid that you would've written something else, and not understanding shows that you haven't passed one of the first steps in writing poetry.

[Anonymous No.17881048]

>>17879808
i'm not eloquent enough to explain how much i like it, and i'm not much of a critic, but anon i REALLY like your poem

[Anonymous No.17881681]

>>17880537
keep writing poetry if you enjoy it, and you will. but also take care of yourself, try to fathom yourself as deeply and as far as you can, and draw out of yourself those vibrant colors, childlike moods, and glowing scenes.

[Anonymous No.17882477]

>>17872997
This is like an Animal Planet show for kids to learn sea fauna.

>>17873010
Basic bitch pseudo-ballad quatrain

>>17873491
It's alright but not into gnomic poetry

>>17874017
Fuck that variable stanza length bro

>>17875406
Cute :)

>>17877034
Favorite so far. I like the "We were preoccupied" it gives it some unexpected sophistication.

>>17879166
I relate

>>17879178
>negro speak

>>17879405
Alright

>>17879625
Not bad overall but weak ending

>>17879808
Not poetry

>>17880537
Retarded

>>17880857
Sounds like a practice poem

[Anonymous No.17882838]

>>17882477
post a poem, anon

[Anonymous No.17882896]

When the trucks leave
Or when the dry leaves
Hit the windshield
Or the windshield wiper
And it drags the leaves off
I'll leave the parking lot

[Anonymous No.17883307]

here's my poem but i'm pretty new to this so please don't be too harsh haha

This is like an Animal Planet show
for kids to learn sea fauna.
Basic bitch pseudo-ballad quatrain
It's alright but not into gnomic poetry
Fuck that variable stanza length bro

Cute :)
Favorite so far.
I like the "We were preoccupied"
it gives it some unexpected sophistication.

I relate
negro
speak
Alright

Not bad overall but weak ending
Not poetry
Retarded
Sounds like a practice poem

[Anonymous No.17883767]

>>17880537
I'm not that experienced myself but always try to keep your poems concrete. i.e instead of "I want to kill a man" you'd say how exactly you want to do it and perhaps even who and why. However, I do like the last three lines.
>>17881048
thank you kind anon that really means a lot