/wg/-Writing General

[Anonymous No.18410006]

Any progress on your novels?

Previous thread:>>18400656

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Suggested books on getting your fucking work done you lazy piece of shit:
>Deep Work
>Atomic Habits

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-format/
> Write a query
https://www.janefriedman.com/query-letters/
> Track your query
https://querytracker.net/

Other Resources
>General grammar/syntax/editing help
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html
> When/where/how should I write?
https://jamesclear.com/daily-routines-writers
> What software should I write with?
https://self-publishingschool.com/book-writing-software-best/
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200635650
> Be like Charles Dickens and write serially
https://www.royalroad.com/
> Basic overview of the Screenplay format
https://screenwriting.info/

[Anonymous No.18410068]

>>18409994
I've been on this godforsaken website since 2005. It was always awful. Please use your writing powers to be more sincere in your story telling. The whole ironic bit is fine, but it should be couched in the main character's actions and dialogue, not the entire narrative framing device. I want to feel something more than just reading a shitpost, I want to feel what the man who makes the shitpost feels.

[Anonymous No.18410076]

Wrote this today.

1/1

Las Vegas. If Florida is manslaughter, Vegas is first-degree murder. The hoopleheads who populate the sweltering city streets move like a flock of birds caught in an endless murmuration, characterized by pockets of density and inevitable violence, themselves flanked by patches of inebriated but relative calm. I’ve never seen someone there that I’d rather be, not even the winners. A circus might be a more apt metaphor, but in this case there are no innocent patrons partaking in games of chance. The towering, reflective casinos, kept at a cold-inducing chill on the inside and reflecting triple digit heat on the outside, resemble ominous dominoes in the desert spaced dangerously close together. The shallow consumerism, grotesque and abusive sexual culture, and the profound self-delusion that characterize American society are no more visible than in this city.

But for all of its faults, you can’t help but admire this gleam in the desert’s eye. A mirage in an endless badlands, it is truly the embodiment of the capitalist spirit, a distillation of that which has propelled this country into first place. To experience Las Vegas is to look into the eye of the storm. The city is an ode to temporary insanity, driven by ignorance and disproportionate wealth. The only law is that one must spend money — and the enforcement of other, less important laws are in inverse proportion to how much one is willing to part with in table play.

Tragically, I fear the high watermark of Vegas has already come and go. The same way Thompson was able to perceive the receding of the hippie tide from the vantage point of Vegas, I’m afraid that I detect a weakening in its debaucherous spirit. Children pervade the city (always a sign of decline) and the genuine yet misplaced hope and optimism which once attracted middle-class aging men in droves to relive their college years for a weekend every year now feels like more of a resigned acceptance that one’s better days are behind them. I feel about as much intimidation and fear on the Strip as you might feel in an amusement park. The worst crimes I’ve witnessed recently have been crimes of fashion.

Where’s the organized crime? Where’s the sense of wonder? Frank Sinatra’s death was perhaps the greatest blow to this monument to artifice. Instead of intrigue and a mild sense of danger, the Vegas tourist is now greeted with 15 dollar draft beers and concerning levels of obesity.

[Anonymous No.18410081]

>>18410076

Meant to write 1/2. This is 2/2.

Continued:

I suppose I’m a hypocrite for being disgusted with what I see and yet wanting more of something arguably much worse. Maybe I just seek authenticity — but what’s more authentic and genuine than middle-aged trailer trash losing a year’s salary on a Wednesday? What’s more authentic than a forty-five year old with a Theatre minor developing an eating disorder? What’s more authentic than Chinese tourists whose parents were likely killed in re-education camps funding the American economy in probably the most hideous symbol of capitalist excess on the face of the planet?

In the end, I reckon it’s not that Las Vegas has changed all that much — we have. If Vegas exposes the ugliness inherent in each damned American soul, perhaps we’ve all become a little more…beautiful? Or at least a little less ugly. Either way, the poetry is still there for those who want to read it.

But most people fucking hate poetry.

[Anonymous No.18410139]

>>18410134
There's literally an option for paypal donations and patreons.

[Anonymous No.18410149]

>>18410139
Amazon still has more clout and respect than Royal Road.

[Anonymous No.18410155]

>>18410149
Yeah, but amazon sucks and is evil?

[Anonymous No.18410165]

>>18410006
Holobrony.

[Anonymous No.18410188]

>>18410076
>Hoopleheads, Murmation, ect.
Why are you using a made up word that feels like something a small child would say? Also you don't need to flex your thersarus to write well. Use simple, clear language.

>First paragraph speaks of violence, third says there is no intimidation on the strip
This is a message conflict. Strip out the violence metaphors and mentions from the first paragraph if you want the message to be "tamed vegas".

>Where's the organized crime?
This part should be before the "tragically" paragraph as a lead in to that paragraph. It is a good turning point from present to past by setting up a question that needs answering.

>>18410081
No glaring errors on this part.

Overall it has potential. The information is interesting, the observations are well-paced and the contrast between past and present are solid.

Potential name for your work: Neon Graveyard. Many people don't realize the iconic signs of Vegas are gone. That might even be worth mentioning, actually. Pic related.

[Anonymous No.18410193]

>>18410155
Anything with money involved is evil. Might as well put your work where your average (ie: normie) reader may find it.

[Anonymous No.18410222]

are these two
>>Deep Work
>>Atomic Habits
for real or just memes

[Castle Clique No.18410228]

been working on the publishing side of things... but here's a recent scene from my visual novel
https://youtu.be/TUdknApEtWE

[Anonymous No.18410237]

>>18410188

Thanks for the feedback but just wanted to point out that hoopleheads is a reference to the show Deadwood and murmurations is a real word - it's the only word I could find that describes when birds do that weird swarm dance

But again, good feedback. I've actually been trying and failing to be a musician for the last 10 years of my life and decided to start writing so I can drag my delusions of grandeur out a little longer.

[Anonymous No.18410240]

>>18410222
The concept is real, but shouldn't have been made into a book. Stay focused; remove distractions. Keep improving; don't stop improving. The actions you want for yourself: make those a habit.

[Anonymous No.18410378]

>>18410237
If you need to be a fan of a show to recognize a word, you probably should choose a different word. You could change the murmations part to something along the lines of "like a flock of listless birds circling endlessly". Writing works surprisingly well as a fall-back if you can find buyers for your work. The hardest part is finding buyers for your work. This can mean anything from getting a few companies to hire you to do blog posts to getting lucky with traditional publishers. Either way, keep writing and don't stop promoting yourself once you have stuff done.

Glad the critique was helpful. If you want more critiques, join a critique circle. No critique circles nearby? There's an old respected one online at CritiqueCircle.com.

[Anonymous No.18410413]

>>18410222
For the number of people on here that complain about writers block, adhd, and motivation you would think those books would help, but everyone always says they are “repetitious of the same thing and shouldn’t be books” but the problem with that is the people who need the message need it bashed into their skull repeatedly. Some of the most effective ways of learning are not simply understanding a concept, but having it massaged into your subconscious as to make any action work within the framework without realizing it.

[Anonymous No.18410430]

Guys, I've been working on this dialogue. Do you think that it's formatted correctly?

> Ding dong went the doorbell.
> Sally’s breath quickened.
> “He’s here!” She turned to James in fright.
> “I know.” snapped James.

[Anonymous No.18410439]

>>18410430
Why are you trying to summon him.

[Anonymous No.18410446]

>>18410439
Eh I don't know why, it's correct.

[Anonymous No.18410486]

>>18410006
I don't think some of these guides are very good desu.

[Anonymous No.18410530]

>>18410486
Which ones and why? Nothing is going to change unless you repeatedly correct the anime poster who rushes to make the OP every thread.

[Anonymous No.18410542]

>>18410430
No.

[Anonymous No.18410553]

>>18410006
Since I moved abroad 3 years ago I noticed my writing ability has gone from above-average/good to poor. I'm losing syntax, vocabulary, and I'm losing even basic concepts of sentence structure. Are there any exercises I can do to build myself back up? Does anyone have any recommendations? I'm losing something I used to be quite good at and only because I'm no longer using the language I used to write in all that much (beyond some dull academic papers).

[Anonymous No.18410567]

>>18410553
Read more and then write extensive notes arguing with yourself about the content you read.

[Anonymous No.18410572]

>>18410553
Look for writing prompts and try to write them. There are prompts all over the place from DeviantArt to writing sites to even other writing threads on 4chan (look for request threads). Make sure you write at least one thing a week to stay sharp. Also consider writing in your new language. Perhaps you could improve there, too?

[Anonymous No.18410592]

>>18410567
I never really "made notes" while reading before, but beyond my language skills needing refreshing this sounds like an overall good habit to start getting into. Thanks, will take it to heart.

>>18410572
One of my big obstacles is that I'm in a gray-area with my new language. Meaning, I can converse on basic topics (I study everyday mind you) but more complex things are beyond my grasp. That said, I still speak the best I can but due to this I think in really bland terms in order to get my point across. Also, when using English with others, their level of English is often poor so I need to think in terms of simplicity in order to get my meaning across. I also learned how they construct (wrongly mind you) sentences in English so I mimic this sometimes to help ease their understanding, etc. It's really hurt my overall ability.

As for prompts, I have seen some but sometimes they come across as rather poor in quality. I have some pet projects I work on from time to time, but lately I've just been appalled with my writing skill. I recently finished writing my "thesis" to graduate university here, and my professor sent it back with almost every paragraph highlighted for abysmal use of grammar, syntax, run on sentences, etc. This was a dire wake up call for me. It's strange, because I do read quite a bit in my native tongue.

[Anonymous No.18410626]

I have a chunk of chapter done. Is five pages too much to post here? What is the best way to post longer excerpts?

[Anonymous No.18410628]

>>18410626
Pastebin

[Anonymous No.18410719]

>>18410628
Ok, Pastebin is up. https://pastebin.com/4Qpygu7K


This is five pages from chapter 3 of a book I'm writing. Don't worry: I mention important parts at the start of the pastebin. You don't need to read the other chapters to get what is going on. I think it would be classed as urban fantasy/crime drama but please correct me if I'm wrong.

I need some feedback on characters, setting, and the magical elements.

>Stuff I need to know
>Would you be interested in reading more like this?
>What do you think of the bosses?
>Were each of them distinct enough?
>Is it clear and realistic what they do within the city?
>Do the magical elements work OK?
>Are they clear or confusing?
>Should I keep the magical elements in the story?

[Anonymous No.18411157]

>>18410592
Your professor may be a pedantic cockwomble. Or maybe you should edit your paper at least twice before sending him the draft. Perhaps both.

[Anonymous No.18411172]

>>18410240
This is, unfortunately, a reduction that loses some important precision. Atomic Habits is actually a pretty rigorously researched book (albeit written by a layman) with the goal of teaching you a new way of looking at habits. Instead of having habit be something that just occurs organically over time, the author wants you to look at it as the mechanical construct it actually is, and to be able to interact with habit on that level.

[Anonymous No.18411193]

>>18410592
>but lately I've just been appalled with my writing skill.
This is the nature of improvement. It goes in fits and starts. You realize you're shit, you practice, and now you are less shit in the specific way which prompted the process. This feels great for a while, and you get to enjoy it. But then, because you have improved your way of looking at writing, you are better at seeing nuance you were previously taking for granted, and now you notice that lack of nuance in your own writing. It doesn't mean you have worsened. It just means that from your position on a false peak of improved proficiency you can now see the next hill you've gotta climb. You realize you're shit again and that you have to keep working. This doesn't mean you're getting worse. You are actually still improving. You're just able by virtue of your work to see new ways to improve. The cycle is literally never-ending.

The problem is that the feeling of "oh no, I'm shit!" is the exact same feeling you had the last time. You're conflating the feeling for the process.

[Anonymous No.18411208]

I've been working on an African epic fantasy for about a decade. Went in-depth with the worldbuidling, con-langs, researching Africa pre-colonization. It was going to be a gamechanger. But the market is now flooded by twitter-trannies who make everything about black power and how Africa wasn't underdeveloped and it was the same and everything was magical and everybody was prosperous. No. I am African. This is false. Though it wasn't just mudhut and sticks Africa had a unique setting to it. Now when I'm querying everybody thinks it's problematic because it has a bit of a darker tone. I am so pissed. The only person to get away with the same tone I have is Marlon James but that's because he was a Booker Prize winner. I am genuinely mad and giving up now. Fuck me I hate these woke black fucks in Europe and Africa. They fucked over real African writers.

[Anonymous No.18411269]

>>18411208
I feel ya, anon. Being fucked over by timing and unrelated political bullshit is not fair. In these days however, self publishing is a viable option. Fuck the established publishers and their ass licking mentality.

[Anonymous No.18411282]

>>18411208
From what I understand, there are very valid reasons why Africans hate our American blacks. The must successful demographics in America per capita are both ethnically and nationally African blacks. I'm sure there's a reason for that too.

[Anonymous No.18411460]

>>18411208
>Now when I'm querying everybody thinks it's problematic because it has a bit of a darker tone.
That's why you should use the phrase "Own Voices" in your query.

[Anonymous No.18411473]

>>18410006
kill yourself animetranny

[Anonymous No.18411736]

Gunna finish draft 1 of my novel this week.

I'm gunna do it

It's really bad but I'm going to get to the end anyways because then I can say I completed two manuscripts in a year. Might even be able to get draft 2 done in time.

Draft 2 is actually a respectable novel I think

[Anonymous No.18411745]

>>18411736
Good for you anon

[Anonymous No.18411757]

>>18410378
I agree with anon, first thing I'd do upon seeing those words is go to google to look up the dictionary. Don't want your readers to do that, because most aren't like me, a lot will see words they don't recognise and put the book straight down instead.

[Anonymous No.18411781]

>>18410006
Stop using v-tubbers or I'll end your thread.

[Anonymous No.18411935]

Hi

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/37998/wish-mountain

[Anonymous No.18411942]

I've gotten some pretty fantastic praise for a short story I've written lately. It might be the first one I actually query around.

[Anonymous No.18412165]

>>18411942
Where are you going to send it?

[Anonymous No.18412282]

>>18410439
action beats bro
its even in his image

[Anonymous No.18412286]

>>18410486
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
is one of the worst books on poetry I've ever seen. I'd assume it was included as a meme if not for the absolute state of self help fags

[Anonymous No.18412289]

>>18412165
I don't know. Got any suggestions? It's got no readily identifiable genre so probably safe to call it literary fiction.

[Anonymous No.18412319]

>>18412289
I've honestly been so caught up in the writing itself for so long that I've never really stopped to seriously consider the publishing side of things.

[Anonymous No.18412413]

I know NOTHING about this show/chars I just wanted to expand the shit in this op from the excerpt alone. please rate

>>18371321
ruby turns and sways, staggering gently into the wall and allowing it to catch her back. with slightly widened eyes she stares into nothing, her face remaining otherwise expressionless as her body settles into an awkward inertia, which it maintains for a second or two. her arms dangle at her sides.

keys jingle.
"well? you ready?"
"oh!" - ruby falters, her hand darts upward and flicks a strand of hair from her eyes - "yeah. yeah, let's go."

yang purses her lips and nods and locks the door behind them. she sets off walking but turns heel after maybe five paces to find a distracted ruby still leaning at the wall, both hands now occupied with her hair. ruby skips forward with a start, apparently just noticing herself lingering there, and catches up. the girls look at each other. though both faces wear smiles, a dissonance flashes between them.

the taller girl's smile is faint and wry. ruby doesn't know what to make of it—if she had time to reflect, she'd think of the look a patient teacher might give to a slow student, affectionate but twinged with disappointment; though such an impression would also be blemished by the suspicious glint in yang's squinted eyes—and suddenly feels compelled to grasp for something to say.
"both of them?"
"huh?"
stuttering; "at the training grounds I mean! theyre both there?"
the blonde's smile meanwhile is a stilted contortion and like her eyes, too wide. it fails to melt into anything resembling natural as she asks the question.
yang clicks her tongue. "uh huh".

a silence proceeds as they walk. ruby feels like she's moving her feet too fast, then too slow. then she stops thinking about her feet and for some reason notices that the bit of the carpet by 212 still had an air pocket; and that here, the scribbles that the old RA made on that pin board still didn't completely cover the rude graffiti under it (hadn't it been like that for two semesters now?); oh, and the glare was still always too intrusive by this window around sunset.
but evidently this fascination with environmental minutia delivers little satisfaction and it proves transient. she glances to her left. yang's unkempt uniform and unceremoniously ponytailed black hair give her a sleepy, lackadaisical air, but she cuts through it with an energetic and purposeful stride. she had always been a perfect synthesis of casual whimsicality and decisive boldness; crudeness and decorum, radiating an effortless confidence. or so ruby always thought, anyways.

taking a final wide step, yang pulls the stairwell door open and beckons her companion through in one fluid maneuver, adding a melodic "after you!"

so they would really be alone then? just the two of them. ruby had suffered a handful of restless nights reflecting on her sparse one-on-one interactions with her crush (though this is a wError: Comment too long (3051/3000)

[Anonymous No.18412415]

>>18412289
No fucking clue

I've got a little fantasy piece that will be wrapping up soon, but I'm sending it to Writers of the Future next quarter, so I can't shop it out for a few months

[Anonymous No.18412427]

I don’t get it. If you’re supposed to kill your darlings then the book is nothing but what the author considered the worst of his work.

[Anonymous No.18412438]

>>18412427
that isn't what "kill your darlings" means

[Anonymous No.18412439]

>>18412438
Then what does it mean?

[Anonymous No.18412452]

>>18410006
>Any progress on your novels?
Yes, I'm done now. I was never going to become the next Faulkner, the next Nabokov or the next Joyce, but I hid behind the language barrier to avoid criticism for months, maintaining an illusion that was fun to live in while it lasted. I had thought my country's education system to be topmost in the world, but this turned out to be utter bollocks. A child of 18, a person ten years my junior, has a greater vocabulary than I, who had to look up the word “topiary”, and no one likes the expression theory of art anymore, I am likened to a long lost dinosaur.
This will be my final post on /lit/. I've been humiliated and exposed as a fraud. My writing is pretentious, infantile, banal drivel. My observations are dull, my language grade school level. My tenses are mixed up; I use colloquialisms, ellipses and onomatopoeia. I mix tired and trite idioms together to obfuscate their unoriginality with a veneer of irony; I have continued to recite ornate Jewish chimpanzee parables with diminishing returns. The parable seemed very clearly to me to be asking me whether or not the now-grown-adult can choose. I say yes, of course, but that's not my issue.
I was never cut out for writing. I began writing my "book" on January 6th. Since then I've produced 99 thousand words for it. These words are a tide of garbage without value, without insight, without form. The themes of time, space, infinity, memory and pointless duelling are not present in my work. It was never real writing, it was anime and weebshit!
Story arcs, character arcs, narrative arcs, these are all outdated terms. You say what you hear, and only the anime fandom uses the term “arc” anymore. I am a toad! Look how many words I wrote, because apparently literature is bodybuilding and just aimlessly typing will somehow improve my writing. My appetites grew as I wrote, I set a goal of a 100 thousand words when I began, only for the cancerous growth to demand a 137 thousand words soon enough to be completed, and still I don't even know what genre it is that I'm writing. Is it autofiction? A comedy? A picaresque? Am I merely shitposting edgelord-triggering diarrhea in neo-emo gothic revivalist gestalt?
Regardless, I have failed, and even in my failure I have merely imitated how people who think they write well but write poorly write, and I couldn't even do that well. "Oh I can do that anytime if I wanted to" I thought, but no. I have put down my pen. Never again will my fingers click-clack across the keyboard. No more outlines, no more characters. Goodbye

[Anonymous No.18412454]

>>18412439
It means don't get sentimental about your work

Even if you built your entire book around making one scene work, if that scene doesn't work and your book does, you cut the scene to make it better. EVERYTHING can be deleted

You can delete your main character if you need to

Haven't you ever encountered some amateur writer that's like "no you don't understand, it's incredibly important to the plot that the main character get raped by this tentacle monster" or something akin to that? Where you from an outside perspective can see how shit it is but they won't delete it becuase it's their darling?

Kill your darlings, but find a better one

[Anonymous No.18412468]

>>18412439
It about being willing to remove parts of a novel that detract from the work even if you're particularly proud of those parts.

[Anonymous No.18412472]

>>18410076
Overall, I think it's pretty interesting anon and not badly written. One thing I will say is that the commercialization of Vegas is a theme that has been explored in a lot of other shows--the ending monologue from Scorsese's Casino is the most obvious example--but that doesn't mean it isn't worth writing about.
One thing I will say is that some of your paragraphs feel a little disjointed. I know you're going for a rambling style, but I would still try and connect each of your points in a more coherent way.
You also tend to make some statements without expanding on them.
>kept at a cold-inducing chill on the inside and reflecting triple digit heat on the outside
What do the chilled casinos reflect about Vegas? Maybe you can talk about how they're just another example of how manufactured everything in the city is. I would also try and be a little more careful with your word choice. It doesn't really make sense to say something is "reflecting" triple digit heat when talking about temperature.

[Anonymous No.18412483]

>>18412468
>>18412454
Oh. I thought you were just supposed to delete anything you thought was good as like a toughening up thing. That’s how it was explained to me.

[Anonymous No.18412492]

>>18412483
Who the fuck were you talking to?

[Anonymous No.18412493]

>>18412452
I just realized as I looked at that 99 thousand that I'll hit 100k words tomorrow. That's 100k words written this year.
I've never stuck with doing anything like this before.

[Anonymous No.18412496]

>>18410430
Grammatically, the only issue I saw is that it should be;
>"I know." Snapped James
It reads a little awkward, though. I might write it like;
>Ding dong went the doorbell.
>Sally's breath quickened and she turned to James in fright; "He's here!"
>"I know." He snapped.

[Anonymous No.18412501]

>>18412483
Nope, whoever told you that has no idea what they're talking about, and as you pointed out, their interpretation doesn't make sense if you think about it for more than a second.
It's like when people miscomprehend "write what you know" as "write what you've personally experienced".

[Anonymous No.18412510]

>>18412501
That phrase really should be "Learn what you're writing about"

[Anonymous No.18412616]

>>18412510
I agree, though the problem would could be solved by just rearranging the words.
"Know what you write" sounds much more active than "write what you know"

[Anonymous No.18412638]

>>18412616
True, thats a step better, but it does have a mis-reading that is just like "of course I know what I wrote, I wrote it"

[Anonymous No.18412681]

>>18412638
honestly it's a good filter
if someone is too retarded to understand the instructions they're given they're ngmi

[Anonymous No.18412708]

>>18412492
My critique group. They also taught me to remove all adjectives from my writing because any time they saw them they said "show, don't tell."

[Anonymous No.18412735]

>>18412510
There's more to it than that I think. There's a difference between learning something and learning something so well that it might as well be experiential knowledge. I think this is what is meant by "write what you know." It refers more to a depth of knowledge than just the knowledge itself. It's the knowledge of something and the exploration of its permutations from a position of sincere interest. For most people this doesn't extend all that far from their favorite video game or what Sally said to them last week. I think it was Nietzsche who said that becoming a writer should be your absolute last resort. I interpret this to mean that in order to be great, you must have already had an intense, extraneous passion that you wanted to dedicate your life to. It's this kind of "knowledge" which is the heart and soul of writing. Without it you're probably just going to produce something sophomoric at best.

[Anonymous No.18412749]

>>18412708
Ah yes, the sub-80 IQ school of writing.

[Anonymous No.18412751]

>>18412735
>I interpret this to mean that in order to be great, you must have already had an intense, extraneous passion that you wanted to dedicate your life to
Think Nabokov and lepidopterology, Pynchon and myths. I think a lot of what makes a great writer isn't much more than having had the experience of being in a position where you know what it feels like to see things in intense detail and nuance. It seems to be a pretty common metacognitive element to a lot of different greats, of which Nabokov and Pynchon are only two.

[Anonymous No.18412756]

>>18412751
>Pynchon and myths
Maths. Ree.

[Anonymous No.18412793]

>>18410719
I didn't get the chance to read the full thing, anon, but I made it up to the part where the boss' son turns up. I think your prose could use some work, but I'll focus on the parts you asked for feedback on.
I think the bosses were distinct enough from one another, at least from their brief introductions. I even chuckled at Hack's joke.
I think you could give Amber more of a reaction to them as they enter, though. I'm not sure how prevalent magic is in this world, but when Ma reads Amber's mind I feel like she should have a stronger reaction. If someone could read my mind I'd be a lot more worried about my thoughts, especially during a business meeting.
The mind reading was also the best example of magic, in my opinion. It felt like a natural way to bring up a character's power.
It did feel cartoony to have the son walk in with blood on his clothes since anyone walking around like that would draw a lot of attention in a city.
As strange as it may sound, I also think it would help to give some more details on what Amber does for the boss. Right now you just have some vague references to spreadsheets and saving money. If we knew the spreadsheets related to something like a credit card scam it would probably be much more engaging.
The White Bastard's ornate office also feels a little out of place in what otherwise seems like a normal office building. Maybe if it was down in the basement like some kind of abandoned cellar it would work a little more.
As an aside, I don't know if keeping Amber undescribed is necessary to make us feel like we're in her shoes. If the writing is good enough, that should come across naturally.
Let me know if you have any questions, hope this helps.

[Anonymous No.18412863]

>>18412749
They're very big on world building and they have a lot of discussion on our discord server about sensitivity readers. So they can't be that dumb.

[Anonymous No.18412906]

>>18412863
Okay this is pretty decent bait. Well done, sir.

[Anonymous No.18413085]

>>18412906
I agree, they're idiots. But I wasn't making that shit up.

[Anonymous No.18413103]

>>18413085
why are you discussing your writing with illiterates

[Anonymous No.18413152]

>>18413103
It's the only writing group around?

[Anonymous No.18413166]

>>18413152
a writing group sounds like a terrible idea from my experience. the people whose advice gets the most weight is due more to personality and charisma than talent and knowledge. it's how you get your head filled with dumb bullshit. the only place you can truly get good writing advice is here, because you get to evaluate every single kernel of information as it is in and of itself, completely without bullshit like social status.

[Anonymous No.18413236]

>>18412413
pls respond, I always read a lot but do you think I could justifiably write as a hobby based on this? I need a hobby and I need to feel like I'm "good" at it, like it's not wheel spinning

[Anonymous No.18413256]

>>18413166
I think the best kind of writing group is a bunch of natural friends who coincidentally also like writing, not an artificial writing group that gets members via advertisement

[Anonymous No.18413274]

>>18413256
friend groups have social structures and hierarchies. social structure and hierarchy have nothing to do with writing or proficiency and everything to do with purely human shit like charisma and dominance. it's a dynamic that often operates beneath your conscious awareness, but it operates nonetheless.

[Anonymous No.18413283]

>>18413256
this. unfortunately the likelihood of this ever happening is extremely low
nobody reads and fewer people create
my friends dabble very irregularly and when they're in the mood it's comfy to chat about writing and sharing/critiquing
>>18413274
t. has superficial friends

[Anonymous No.18413299]

>>18413274
Existing social dynamics doesn't make the writing group bad. The 4 sisters in Little Women had a writing group. Jo was dominant and wrote the adventurous stories, I don't remember what Meg wrote, Amy was barely literate and wrote stories full of errors, and Beth was shy and wrote light hearted stories

[Anonymous No.18413308]

>>18412452
pretentious

[Anonymous No.18413411]

I haven’t written in months. None of the stories I want to tell last more than a few paragraphs and none of the ideas I have have a story. I want to write the Burgerpunk Americana novel. White noise but beautiful and disgusting. Infinite jest but the realities of today. Concrete jungles, twin size beds, LED lights on a humid night, mosquitoes breeding in muddy asphalt, isolation of the self when surrounded by hundreds of other automatons, the digital hyper real, the artificial simulation of any and everything, the socioeconomic diaspora, the radicalization of the masses in an effort to find meaning, the abuse of drugs to cope with this virtual reality, the first world as a third world sublimation, grown men obsessed with st augustine and manchildren obsessed with rei ayanami.

[Anonymous No.18413426]

>>18413283
>nobody reads and fewer people create
The internet is full of creatives! And tons of people read! Look at how successful Harry Potter was!

[Anonymous No.18413427]

>>18413411
you don't get to do any of that without putting the work in. your concept is worse less than nothing because it tricks you into believing it's of literally any importance.

[Anonymous No.18413563]

I've never read one before but I'm writing a "wuxia" novel. Can it be novella length? How much sex can these things contain, also how much graphic content is permitted on Royal Road?

[Anonymous No.18413592]

>>18413563
I've only seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Monkey King, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee movies, but those had no sex in them. I don't think sex is part of that genre

[Anonymous No.18413689]

>>18410006
first attempt at humor in a novel

[Proelium !BRlrP/i3kw No.18413747]

>>18410006
Let's do something fun, /wg/. I feel like some of us need some motivation to write, or practice our skills. So let's have a little contest!

Short story, 3k words minimum. Since this is the first time, let's do something simple for the topic.

Fantasy! It can be high, low, maybe the only thing fantasy like about it is eleves having a tea party. As long as it's fantasy, it's on topic.

Submissions can just be linked in to response to this post, and I'll take them in any format, pastebin, google docs, etc.

I'll stop taking submission in two weeks, or the 22nd and the next day I'll declare a winner.

Winner gets let's say... Ten dollars? Small incentive but hey I ain't made of money.

Let's have fun!!!

[Anonymous No.18413750]

>>18413747
i'll pay you fifteen to drop your trip and/or fuck off forever. we don't need any of that shit here.

[Anonymous No.18413771]

>>18413750
kek

[Anonymous No.18413795]

>>18413750
This desu

[Anonymous No.18413797]

>>18413747
>trip
>name
>reddit spacing
>weeb shit
>muh community
GET. OFF. MY. BOARD. FUCKING N ORMALFFAGS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.18413798]

>my character is Catholic interested in theology, philosophy and apologetics, debates the main character frequently
>research it every day like an autist, read books, Aquinas
>after a few months you can't refute the arguments, can't find any good criticism
>you start feeling it yourself
>now be sure that God exists and think about converting
My own character just converted me to Catholicism.

[Anonymous No.18413810]

>>18413798
Sounds shit. Nobody wants to read 2 characters debating back and forth over a subject like that in a book if that isnt the direct and main subject.

[Anonymous No.18413824]

>>18413747
yeah this is retarded
if you want to do community writing just drop a prompt and what you wrote for it and let people join if they want

[Anonymous No.18413836]

>>18413747
The only thing being offered at our stage should be critique

Which is why I run a workshop with prompts

[Anonymous No.18413842]

>>18413798
pro-tip, philosophical God is not theological God, and nothing in your proofs supports the church

The only big brained play is heresy

[Anonymous No.18413864]

>>18413798
God damn schizos.

[Anonymous No.18413906]

>>18413864
Not only has he has not written anything, but now he has the perfect excuse to not write anything

[Anonymous No.18413910]

>>18413842
not entirely true. hindu theological conception of the godhead is roughly synonymous with god (if the western, personified god can't be neatly subsumed under the concept) and is pretty congruent with the philosophical examinations.

[Anonymous No.18413956]

>>18413910
He was talking about Catholocism

[Anonymous No.18414228]

Did you know that there's a spellcheck plugin in notepad++? I thought the fastest way to get a spellchecker was using a website or opening libreoffice, which kinda pissed me, but now I know some plain-text editors have plugins for it(pretty sure emacs can do it too).

[Anonymous No.18414241]

>>18413798
just read dostoevsky my man all of his characters have this debate with one another it's not that complicated

[Anonymous No.18414244]

The loneliness wasn't the worst of it. It was the voices. In the silence, the lifeless things grew lips. The empty corridors, the smiling hologram girls, the cubicles with nobody in them, the empty space that looked endlessly cold and pitiless through the portholes - the voices made them come alive. Lowell could hear them, clear and distinct This was no fatamorgana flickering on the horizon. They were the monologues of his own mind.

He fumbled on the chest console of his suit. It was the first time he'd stuck in one of the new models.
"Where's the damn . . ."
"Is there a problem," sounded from the com link. That voice belongs to Captain Price, Lowell thought. A drop of sweat rolled down his forehead. Around him, the white-paneled walls of an in-between corridor glistened. The Lucilius was covered with the white stylofat panels typical of luxury ships. He found the regulator. Instantly, the air in the suit cooled. Lowell twisted the corners of his mouth into an ironic smile - he couldn't smile any other way. Since he had first stepped onto a dead ship three years ago, something had changed in him.
"Everything's fine, Cap," he replied. His voice was as ironic as his smile.
"Then get moving."

The corridors were deserted. Must have been very nice here once, Lowell thought. He looked at the dead plants. They hung out of small boxes mounted along the walls slightly above head height. It had been different on the mechanics deck. Over there, only the cold, clinical white of the stylofate.
"Michaels, can you hear me?"
". . . No."
"I was just wondering: how come the mechanics never get flowers?"
". . . "
"I mean, surely a mechanic like that, he must get - - -" Lowells had stopped.
"Lowells, what's the matter?" Silence.
"Lowells!"

Captain Price looked at the small screen next to her control console. Numbers flickered across it: the vital signs of each crew member. Lowell's values were normal. His com-link was also working flawlessly, at least that's what the display said. Why wasn't he answering? Price frowned and rotated her pilot's chair over to Peterson.
"On it," Peterson said without looking up from her control panel. She manipulated the myriad controls with impressive speed.
"Gibbons, give me a position fix," Price said. The man sitting across from Peterson on the other side of the control panel lifted his youthful face and shrugged.
"He's not there anymore." Peterson and Price looked at him.
"What do you mean he's not here anymore," Price asked.
"He was there until just now, but he's gone."
"He moved or he's . . ."
"He's disappeared. No longer showing."
Peterson drew in a sharp breath. Price slumped in her chair, but only briefly. She flipped a switch and the chair swung back with her to the command station. She activated the comlink to the crew deck.
"This is Captain Price. We've lost contact with Lowell. I want Michaels and Forman in suits at the dock. Five minutes." Price glanced at the vitals. Lowell's readings were normal.

[Anonymous No.18414398]

>start posting story on spacebattles
>threads are updated so fast I frequently get bumped off into oblivion
>forbet about doing staggered releases and just dump the backlog as fast as I can
>only a meager following but no comments or anything
At least I had a few readers cross over to read it on RR, I guess.

[Anonymous No.18414411]

If anyone has any feedback on this action scene I'm writing, I'd appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.18414497]

>>18414411
>pivoted back forward
I'm not a fan of this. I would have just written something like "Artemis pivoted to face the remaining group."

[Anonymous No.18414507]

What does /lit/ think of using poetic techniques and meter from non-English poetry in English poetry?
I.E., haiku in english, galdralag in English.
Does it contribute to the art? Does it provide interesting avenues for poets in the modern age? Or does it fall flat?

[Anonymous No.18414533]

>>18414411
>...rasped lightly...
I would remove one of these two to tighten it up a bit

>...fired both barrels....
'firing a barrel' is a weird way to put it, maybe just put 'fired twice' or something similar

>...lopsided steps...
weird imagery

>...newly dead...
we know they are newly dead, we just watched her kill them

>pivoted back forward
this is confusing, I agree with >>18414497

>...arms and legs outstretched as though a string still held them in place
a single string? This is confusing

>...it shook...
I assume you mean the last survivor's hand was shaking, maybe change it to something like "but he was shaking/trembling so hard..." to make it more clear

>...a red stain appeared...
this is a very boring way to put it, spice it up a bit

>...began after...
I would change to 'started after'

[Anonymous No.18414539]

>>18414507
no rules just tools

[Anonymous No.18414542]

fucking pajeet can do it why can't I

[Anonymous No.18414615]

>>18414497
>>18414533
Thanks so much anons. These are both really helpful, appreciate you taking the time.

[Anonymous No.18414812]

>>18414411
>"Yer fuckin bitch!" The third screeched
See fourth example under incorrect.

[Anonymous No.18414836]

>>18414812
Not even wrong, image is retarded.

[Anonymous No.18414870]

>>18414228
noooo not opening libreoffice or a website, anything but that! the burden is too great

[Anonymous No.18414877]

The nicest rejection I've ever received. But, sadly, still a rejection.

[Anonymous No.18414886]

>>18414877
Ah well. You tried your best, Josh.

[Anonymous No.18414892]

>>18414886
Thanks, anon. Here's hoping somewhere else takes it. Getting the first one published is tough.

[Anonymous No.18414906]

>>18414892
Why not just go the Amazon self publish route?

[Anonymous No.18414910]

>>18414836
screeched is a dialogue tag
action beats are the ones that get capitalized
unless
>The third screeched
described someone who is not the speaker then it's incorrect and should not be capitalized
go to school

[Anonymous No.18414936]

>>18414906
I would personally like to be traditionally published. I have three or four completed short stories that are of publishable quality, and getting them out there will help me secure representation when I get my novel finished. Problem is, I only submit to the top-tier journals - as an unknown I should really be glad for anywhere to take me right now.

[Anonymous No.18414938]

>>18414910
Perhaps he said the words in dialogue and then screeched, in which case it would be correct. Screeched is likely a dialogue tag but could just be a description/action.

[Anonymous No.18414956]

>TFW no friends to get critiques from
Bros...

[Anonymous No.18414960]

>>18414938
"screeched" is another way of saying "said" though. The pared down sentence is

> "Yer fuckin bitch," the third screeched.

[Anonymous No.18414966]

>>18414956
Do what everyone serious about their work does and pay professionals to tear it apart

[Anonymous No.18414974]

>>18414960
You can still have the "!"

[Anonymous No.18414979]

>>18414877
That's a form rejection, what they give out to everyone.

[Anonymous No.18414982]

>>18414960
anon...
>>18414938 is saying that screeched is not necessarily a dialogue tag
if it was not that he screeched the phrase "Yer fuckin bitch" but rather that he said the phrase and then after did the independent action of screeching then the formatting would be correct
please read more slowly

[Anonymous No.18414981]

>>18414974
yeah, I simplified the sentence so it's easier to see why "the third" should be lowercase, but yeah, it was ! in the original

[Anonymous No.18414994]

>>18414982
This. But dialogue tag anon has always had trouble with this concept. I confess, it's not likely that he said the words and then screeched. But it's possible.

[Anonymous No.18414995]

>>18414979
I know for a fact it isn't because the same place rejected me twice before with their form rejection. The 'clearly of a notably high standard' and the urging me to submit again are both new.

[Anonymous No.18415005]

>>18414982
come on, read it again. main character is Artemis, and she's shooting at a group of bandits. She shoots two of them. The third is so mad that he says (screeches), "yer fuckin bitch"

and I just realized that Artemis' pistols should be Artemis's pistols

[Anonymous No.18415014]

>>18414877
>>18414995
What's your story about? Curious now.

[Anonymous No.18415017]

>>18414995
>they changed their standard boilerplate and I am excited as a result
I admire your optimism. I hope your next rejection from them doesn't consist of that newly updated rejection text

[Anonymous No.18415020]

>>18415005
I'm not saying that the formatting is correct here, just that anons argument that in vacuum this formatting with this phrasing could be correct
writers are so insecure. so quick to defend their stance instead of just taking 1 extra second to interpret what's being said

[Anonymous No.18415021]

>>18415005
Or maybe he says "yer fuckin bitch!" and then he screeches, independently of the words. You really don't get this concept, do you?

[Anonymous No.18415027]

>>18415017
>>18414995
you can check the rejection wiki to see whether it's truly a unique rejection or if they only updated their standard rejection format

https://www.rejectionwiki.com/index.php?title=Literary_Journals_and_Rejections

[Anonymous No.18415034]

>>18414982
>>18414994
>But dialogue tag anon has always had trouble with this concept.
If it's seriously a separate action, then it's just sloppy because it's not conveyed that way in the rhythm of the paragraph. An editor would change it to remove the ambiguity. It 100% reads like a dialogue tag right now, except with shitty capitalization.

[Anonymous No.18415036]

>>18415021
possible, but then it'd be ambiguous as to who said the dialogue, one of the two fallen bandits or the third guy

[Anonymous No.18415039]

>>18415017
My gf also submitted in the same window and got a different, less encouraging rejection after I did (same one I got before). Sorry anon, you ain't taking this one from me

>>18415014
It's a 3.5k word short about a corporate executive sent to assess and decide whether a new rail line should be constructed in an area of natural beauty, or diverted round it. There's a fair bit more to it than that, it's a character driven piece, but I'll leave it with the boring description.

[Anonymous No.18415043]

>>18415034
yes, you are correct and no one is arguing with you on this point, only discussing the semantics of grammar
are you perhaps schizophrenic?

[Anonymous No.18415055]

>>18415034
Ain't saying it's good, just that it could be correct. I mostly just hate the image - there's no way this kind of pedantic argument about whether it's a dialogue tag or a separate action (whether he was correct or not) has any bearing on whether anon is "worthy" of proper critique.

[Anonymous No.18415060]

>>18415027
>standard rejection
>higher rejection
kek. seems like anon did get a form rejection
though a higher tier rejection is nice, I wonder if that means they do have him marked in their books or something

[Anonymous No.18415062]

>>18415027
Thanks for this anon, I've confirmed it was unique. My tattered ego can rest easy for once.

[Anonymous No.18415063]

>>18415055
I like the dog

[Anonymous No.18415066]

>wrote 5000 words today
Feels good man.

[Anonymous No.18415073]

>>18415060
I admire that anon for going through the journals, couldn't deal with the constant rejection and my work never getting out in the world. Now it's Amazon KDP all day erry day. The most I do is enter a contest 2-3 times a year

[Anonymous No.18415078]

>>18415055
a little hostility is good for newfags. it filters out those who are purely seeking validation and those who want to improve
if they want validation they'll instantly start seething at the dog and can be ignored
if they want to improve they'll ask for clarification on dialogue tags or quietly fix them for their next post
that being said, don't let autistic anon dictate who you crit. it's for the sake of the amateur writer that they believe that they need to hold themselves to a higher standard before showing anyone
it's basic grammar. it's the least they could aspire to

[Anonymous No.18415092]

>>18415060
It wasn't a form rejection, it was unique! I will cling to this scrap of reinforcement my man.

Just checked and one of my other short stories has been shortlisted for editorial decision somewhere else. Fingers crossed this'll be the first one. Having the put 'previously unpublished' in the bio each time is brutal.

[Anonymous No.18415096]

>>18415092
gl anon, rooting for you bud
a little delusion isn't so bad if it gets you through

[Anonymous No.18415097]

>>18415078
>don't let autistic anon dictate who you crit
Oh I don't, I just think the concept of him not being worthy of crit is dumb, especially when he could have been correct in his tags. It's frustrating as well for newcomers to only have dialogue tags to work on when reasonably there's a lot of basic things they will need to be told to improve for next time. Just slows the process unnecessarily

[Anonymous No.18415118]

>>18415096
Yeah, I'm unironically clinging to an insane degree of self-belief. Like those people who sit smiling on a sinking ship, eyes bulging, sweat trickling down their faces, telling themselves that yes, of course, help is coming, everything is going to be fine.

Really, if I haven't managed to get at least 2 shorts published by the end of the Summer it's going to be really hard maintaining that desperate, delusional self-belief. That's why I'm taking every last scrap I can, like a pathetic magpie with literary pretensions.

[Anonymous No.18415132]

>>18415027
I don't know what's more depressing, the fact there's a wiki for this brutality or the brutalness of getting either a generic and richer generic rejection.

[Anonymous No.18415151]

>>18415132
Dubliners was rejected countless times before it was accepted for publication, as was Lolita. Initial publishers thought Swann's Way was terrible and turned it down. Hermann Melville died in penniless obscurity. It's the name of the game my man.

[Anonymous No.18415157]

>>18415151
Now give 21st-century examples.

[Anonymous No.18415160]

>>18410719
> The boss was dressed in flowing black silk. His faded tattoos peered over the edges of his high shirt collar. His dark clothing was a stark contrast to his pale skin and shock of white hair, which was tied back very neatly. A delicate emerald and silver ring graced his hand. It was mirrored by a fine silver chain with a round emerald charm that lay on his breast. He was mulling over a stack of papers. The dim lighting seemed to highlight the lines in his face lending a sense of grave nobility. I approached carefully.

> His fingertips gently touched under my chin, turning my head towards him. Soft fingertips, calloused but well manicured. Our eyes met. "Hmmm?" his voice purred.

> My embarrassment was deepened by a stirring heat spreading down past my collar. I had been attracted to him from the first time I saw him stalking through the dining hall like a great white tiger. Now here I was beside this beautiful, powerful man. I felt unwashed and unworthy. None the less, I knew I had to answer him. The thoughts clashed in my head.

> "I just. I'm. Ugh!" my mouth hung open for a moment before spewing out the words, "I feel like trash. Here you are so beautiful and I look like a gutter snipe!"

I've never read 50 Shades of Grey, but it probably hinged on both the main character and the reader both falling in love with Christian, who was set up as a buff dominant tall well dressed charismatic multi billionaire gigachad. Boss here is no Christian Grey

[Anonymous No.18415166]

>>18415157
Javier Marias, Karl Ove Knausgaard, John le Carre, Stephen King (so many rejections they weighed down a nail on his wall), even JK Rowling was rejected a ton (HP has no literary merit, but I'm surprised publishers didn't see the commercial potential).

Seriously, dealing with the rejections early on is just part and parcel. Practically every succsssful author you can think of has had to deal with it to varying extents.

[Anonymous No.18415212]

>>18414411
I won't go line by line because I'm lazy but some general advice: try to envision what you're writing from the pov of the reader; think about it as a series of crisp images. That'll help you decide on a logical order of action. There's a lot here that is confusing because of a lack of that order. For example, she's on her knees then faces the men behind her when she should turn first and then drop to her knees. Assuming you established that the men were behind her in an earlier paragraph, saying that she faced them after turning is redundant. She turns, drops to her knees and fires. Done. Likewise with the survivor retreating -- implying his back is turned -- but then getting shot in the forehead.

More egregious is "pivoted back forward". You should get a rubberband to the eye for that line.

[Anonymous No.18415213]

What's the secret to writing a good book bros? It seems like it's very subjective.

[Anonymous No.18415225]

>>18415213
writing enough that you develop good sense
reading enough that you develop good sense
chop chop self help anon. there's no secret sauce

[Anonymous No.18415247]

>>18415213
What do you mean by 'good book'? If you mean commercially successful and reasonably entertaining, then it's actually very objective, with clear, tried-and-tested story arcs that score easy points with the reader.

If you're asking how to write a good piece of literature, on the other hand, then you're missing the point a bit. Literature is a form of art, and you don't create a great piece of art by asking someone else how. Melville wrote Moby Dick. Faulkner wrote Absalom, Absalom. Nabokov wrote a beautiful novel about a paedophile, Proust spent his life writing thousands of pages on memory, Joyce produced Ulysses. The point is, you either have originality or you don't. If you don't have originality, then you won't ever be a truly great artist, but you can become a merely good artist as long as you possess a sense of the aesthetic (see - prose style). If you possess neither originality nor a sense of the aesthetic, then you won't really be able to produce a good literary work, but you could still be a successful writer.

The best works of literature either say something true or are beautiful, which is really the same thing.

[Anonymous No.18415275]

>>18415213
there are no good books

[Anonymous No.18415305]

>>18414244
Fata Morgana is two words and a proper noun. Just use mirage and come up with a better image. Use more dialogue attribution. Your dialogue is confusing without them. Finally, hint at the possible source of danger a little more. The reader should have some idea of why Lowell disappeared (a wrong idea is even better).

[Anonymous No.18415315]

>>18415213
The real secret is obsession and, to an extent, mental illness. All the great writers bordered madness.

[Anonymous No.18415824]

plot-driven or character-driven?

[Anonymous No.18415826]

>>18415824
Why not both?

[Anonymous No.18415838]

I can't even finish prologue because i keep rewriting it over and over again
i'm ngmi bros, this is my 3rd time i started over

[Anonymous No.18415847]

>>18415826
Because I'm either going to write about what Mr. X is going to do, or what is going to happen to Mr. X, but not both?

[Anonymous No.18415860]

>>18415847
Then perish

[Anonymous No.18415883]

>>18415824
Character-driven
The plot is the least important component of a story

[Anonymous No.18416077]

>>18415838
>ngmi
Kill yourself first with that retarded zoomer speak

[Anonymous No.18416088]

>>18416077
anon....

[Anonymous No.18416095]

>>18416077
>he doesn't browse /biz

[Anonymous No.18416153]

>>18414812
Thanks for reading quote-anon. I’ll get it right one of these days.
>>18415212
Thanks anon, this is really helpful to hear.
>Rubberband to the eye
Kek
>>18414910
>>18414938
>>18414982
If it helps, I was trying to say the outlaw screeched it out.
>>18415005
>should be Artemis’s pistols
Unless I’m mistaken, it can be either depending on the style. MLA says to add apostrophe plus the s while AP says just to add the apostrophe.

[Anonymous No.18416167]

>>18410006
I FUCKING HATE THE CHINESE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.18416200]

>>18416153
what a bunch of nerds. I can't believe this website exists

https://apvschicago.com/2011/06/apostrophe-s-vs-apostrophe-forming.html

> A style guide comparing Associated Press style and Chicago style for editors, writers, teachers, students, word nerds, and anyone else who gives a dollar sign, ampersand, exclamation point, and pound sign about style.

[Anonymous No.18416211]

>>18416077
>He doesn't browse /ic/

[Anonymous No.18416223]

>>18414966
What professionals? Where?

[Anonymous No.18416227]

>>18416200
I was always a Purdue OWL man in college.

[Anonymous No.18416275]

>>18415305
Thanks

[Anonymous No.18416347]

Can you guys critique this chapter I'm workign on right now? Sorry for any mistakes I'm kind of very drunk but I use it to make it easier to put words on electric paper. Ok thanks.
https://pastebin.com/kXJT5RPD

[Anonymous No.18416441]

Today I'm going to take a license exam and if I pass, I'll be able to get a job at a hospital. I'll soon exit neethood and leave you guys. My writing schedule will be reduced by 90%

[Anonymous No.18416451]

>>18416441
Another one bites the dust

[Anonymous No.18416505]

>About to write an antagonistic character's dialogue
>Super paranoid about marring it with personal bias
Anyone else ever feel this way?

[Anonymous No.18416531]

>>18416505
I purposely make antagonists rife with personal bias. That way I can put my own emotional vendetta and such into their speech so they seem as if they're a little more real/crazy.

[Anonymous No.18416561]

>>18416223
Reedsy is the usual place, but Barnes and Noble recently started their own agency for editors, proofreaders, formatters, artists, etc. I've heard of people hiring from Fiverr but the chances of finding someone competent is much lower

[Anonymous No.18416729]

>>18412493
Well, there it is. The image translated into English reads:
Pages: 239
Paragraphs: 2941
Lines: 11572
Words: 100038
Characters: 687765
Characters including spaces: 785915

[Anonymous No.18416950]

>Outline for my novel still looks good a year later
This is both a good and bad sign. I still like it, so that probably means it's actually a good idea. But I've been too busy and lazy to actually write it for over a year, not good.

[Anonymous No.18416982]

>>18416950
Today is the day.

[Anonymous No.18417119]

Holy shit, I write so much more without headphones on. I've been playing media through my monitor speakers recently and it makes it easier to focus on other things.

[Anonymous No.18417392]

>https://pastebin.com/CH9j8xVk
I fucking hate this so much. I can't salvage it. Tell me how much you hate it so I can give up on it please.

[Anonymous No.18417488]

>>18417392
I'm lazy so I'll give you advice on the very first sentence.
>upon the corrugated business card with which I have supplied him.
Change it to
>on the corrugated business card I gave him.
Apply this same philosophy to the rest. Make your language less flowery.

[Anonymous No.18417498]

>>18417488
I'm not looking for advice. It's written that way for a reason. It's a component of the overall piece.

[Anonymous No.18417548]

>>18417498
But that's dumb. If you're going to write, can't you make an effort to do it properly?

[Anonymous No.18417556]

>>18417548
You're not gonna bait me into this dumb fucking discussion.

[Anonymous No.18417566]

>>18417556
Deep down you know you want to do better. Take a gamble on greatness.

[Anonymous No.18417570]

>>18417566
Your greats are not the same as my greats.

[Anonymous No.18417571]

>>18417566
What are you talking about? Your style advice is not universal. Anon wants to write a flowery style – so be it. Just tell him if it's shit or not.

[Anonymous No.18417593]

>>18417571
He doesn't want to write in a flowery style. It's why he hates this. Only when he understands this truth can he begin to make progress. The ornateness, the loquaciousness, these are all an ironic veneer behind which he hides, because he is afraid to be genuine.

[Anonymous No.18417598]

>>18410076

Pretty good, murmuration and hooplehead need to go, but pretty good.

You might put the paragraph praising vegas after the paragraphs criticizing it.

[Anonymous No.18417600]

>>18417593
Jesus fucking christ anon. That is the actual point of the piece. You are literally missing the forest for the trees. Almost everything I write has an overarching point to it. I am actively trying to highlight through the stylistic choices I made the grandiose and hollow nature of the modern world, among other things.

[Anonymous No.18417753]

what do you think of something i wrote?
context: character is a cashier for a cafe in the lobby of an office tower

Even when she finished putting the chairs up they were still trickling out from the elevators. Ding, ding between brief silences, the hum of the air conditioning working since morning, ding, heels clacking and shop-talk far after work hours.

AC zipped her hoodie up and walked to the lobby, her rubber soles silent on the marble floor. A sour gust of warmth rushed over as the glass doors slid open. She found herself outside next to some blazers waiting for their pickups. Hair bunned up, hips wrapped in linen, glimmering at the ears, standing a head above her in permanent tiptoe.

AC waited with them, staring at the skyline glowing sick yellow against the night. The tallest peaks blinked white and red. She had gone up once to deliver an order. She remembered the elevator pulling her cheeks down, the book-smell of the men’s suits, the subdued typing and ringtones in the office in level 22 — three computer screens for every person, sit down and make important calls, say something smart and hear the meeting room roar with applause. Of course nobody ever ordered any coffee and she was lucky the security guard let it slide.

A car pulled up and the driver opened the doors. AC closed her eyes as the pristine air of the car washed over her, trying to remember this scent for the rest of the night. Then the doors slammed shut and she walked home.

[Anonymous No.18417779]

>>18417753
>glowing sick yellow against the night
This seemed out of place?
Otherwise it's good.

[Anonymous No.18417911]

>>18416347
>Two to three dozen males
I would just settle on saying either two or three dozen males. I also think it's a little confusing to say their bodies were "wielding" hides of scales. I couldn't tell if they were wearing hide armor at first or if they were lizardmen at first.
>noticeably more hulking in general girth
It's probably fine just to say "noticeably more hulking."
>Far up against the ceiling where the smooth scales of his head were forced to uncomfortably press into the roof.
This sentence feels a little odd on its own. I'd combine it with another one.
>the mundane of their days, theocratical disputes of dogma, plans for future sections of the temple, and ultimately progress of the day
Try not to use "day" twice in the same sentence. In the next sentence you also use a semi-colon incorrectly. A period may be more appropriate.
It also felt out of place to talk about "sentient beings" hearing their name being spoken. I feel like it would be better to just say; "Yet even he couldn't avoid noticing his own name."
Slissk's reactions also feel very human. Maybe that's what you're going for, but I think having him react in stranger ways to his failure might be a tad more interesting.
I wasn't going to read the whole thing, but I was actually interested to see how it went for Slissk. I also felt genuinely bad for the guy, especially when he's at the overseer. While it still needs some work, overall good job.

[Anonymous No.18418170]

>>18417779
thanks for reading and i'll keep that in mind

[Anonymous No.18418751]

>>18416167
Me too. I wish Argentina would just declared the chinese fishing boats in their territory an act of hostility so we all can go full bukake on their land.

[Anonymous No.18418758]

>>18418751
I mean they already declared war to a world power for less so why not do it again? At least that would give everyone who's mad with them a reason to nuke 'em once and for all.

[Anonymous No.18419040]

Is it still a good idea to save your work on google docs?

[Anonymous No.18419055]

>>18419040
I keep my masters local nowadays

I still use it for sharing to beta readers though

[Anonymous No.18419096]

>>18419055
I might not be able to keep a local master for a while, though.

[Anonymous No.18419179]

>>18418751
>Argentina vs China
lol

[Anonymous No.18419317]

Flickering yellow. Hot to the touch. It eats the servant beneath its feet. Its gluttony knows no bounds. The servants are all gone and with them, the king in red leaves his throne.

[Anonymous No.18419413]

One morning, Juan Martinez placed an unlabeled package on the kitchen table. He had found it in a bush near his house when he had just pulled his car out of the driveway to leave for work. That's when the yellow thing in the bush had caught his eye.

Taking the scissors from the dish drawer, he set about cutting open the taping. When the package was opened, he lifted the contents to the light of day. It was a plain, wooden chest, the size of a shoebox, with an ornate lock. Juan carefully set the chest down on the table, and finding that it was locked, searched the package for the key that went with it, but could not find it. Apart from the chest, the package was empty, and there was no letter or anything else that would allow him to identify the recipient. He considered the chest for a moment and took out a letter opener from the dish drawer.

Juan looked up at the clock: just before 9. If he didn't want to be late for work, he needed to get going now. The chest had resisted his attacks. The letter opener lay bent next to a hammer and a screwdriver on the kitchen table. Juan tapped the sturdy wood as if congratulating a strong opponent for the battle they had fought.

When Juan returned from work that evening, it was already dark, he saw from the driveway that the light in the kitchen was burning. Although he was sure he hadn't turned it on in the morning, he thought nothing more of it, put the cases of water he had bought on the way back into the storeroom next to the garage, and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower.

He had not re-entered the kitchen since he had left it that morning. He had only fleetingly turned off the light and then, exhausted from work, had gone to bed without paying any further attention to the chest. Thus, he did not notice the changes that had taken place in the kitchen during his absence - and he would not notice them the next morning, because in that very night Juan Martinez was murdered.

When Pablo Moralez, a detective with the X Police Department, entered the dead man's bedroom three days later, he had to hold a handkerchief with strong ethereal oils in front of his nose. Decomposition was well advanced and had been accelerated by the hot summer weather. The mattress had soaked with the decomposition juices and begun to mold, flies buzzed. Moralez let the scene sink in for a moment, then signaled to the policeman who had ushered him in and they left the room.

In the kitchen, Moralez nodded briefly at the forensics officer who had looked up from his work with powder and brush, then he turned to the policeman: You just lost the game.

[Anonymous No.18419465]

>>18419179
>Argentina vs China
That could be the start for everyone who has a grudge on China, besides. Who cares if argentina disappears as long as that bug nest gets nuked?

[Anonymous No.18419679]

>>18419465
Anybody else joins in, it becomes them vs China, because Argentina is a total 0 in the equation. Nobody would risk their neck for some third world dunghole

[Anonymous No.18419691]

>>18419679
Vietnam...

[Anonymous No.18420033]

>>18416441
>>18416451
I PASSED THE EXAM!!!!

(soon) GOODBYE EVERYONE

[Anonymous No.18420042]

>>18417753
>what do you think of something i wrote?
I think it chucks, sucks, fucks, and breaks bucks but it's not all that good.

[Anonymous No.18420124]

I did it boys, draft 1 is now done, at 75k words

>“Oh come on, think of it as becoming a legend. The people that fight beside you will call you a hero and your enemies will call you a demon and at the end of it, Gwen will be there to take you down a peg and point out you’re just a human.”

[Anonymous No.18420285]

I finished my comic script, now to find an artist

[Anonymous No.18420491]

Sorry I'm an extreme noob, where should I post my short story for normies to read? Not looking for monetization yet

[Anonymous No.18420851]

Not sure how to search for this. Might ask on /his/ later.
Do you guys know of an organization that after being involved in something shady or threatening to society was allowed to go on but had most of its power was stripped out of it and delegitimized?

[Anonymous No.18421006]

Is it taboo to ask someone to do themselves in these threads so you can read their other work?

[Anonymous No.18421060]

>>18421006
Can you rephrase this question?

[Anonymous No.18421069]

>>18421006
Depends. I mean, like, I masturbate like five times a day so once more isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous No.18421303]

>>18420033
What kind of job did you get?

[Anonymous No.18421420]

>>18420851
Not an organization, but that happened to Senator McCarthy.

[Anonymous No.18421441]

>>18421420
>McCarthy
A pity. He was right all along.

[Anonymous No.18421701]

>Book contains 21 pages
>Price is 3$ dollars.
Why would they ever think that's a good idea?

[Anonymous No.18421729]

>>18419413
>Juan Martinez
Juan Martínez, if you're going to use hispanic names, at least use their authentic language.

[Anonymous No.18421755]

>>18416167
>>18418751
What happened?

[Anonymous No.18421789]

>>18421701
>want to support self-publish authors
>Check their books
>One is just 15 page smut story.
>price is like 4.99 dollars.
These fucks don’t have any marketing skills.

[Anonymous No.18421798]

>>18421303
as of now, none ... but the dream is to be hospital administrator

[Anonymous No.18421846]

>>18421701
>>18421789
>Stumble upon a self-publishing smut author
>Realize she was actually a literotica author before she left.
>Her stories are 0.99 cents
>I buy all of her works
Feels good to know she actually did something with her skills in writing erotica. Shame she isn't more well-known in the community. Then again, she is writing WMAF stories, which is apparently frown upon for some reason.

[Anonymous No.18421863]

my first Amazon books were were $0.99 ebooks and $3.99/$4.99 booklets. It's a good place to start out. You only have to write ~30 pages of anything, so it isn't that big of an investment of time. It's your first book, so it's guaranteed to be shit, but because it's so cheap, people won't be so mad when it's shit

[Anonymous No.18421871]

>>18421863
>$3.99/$4.99 booklets
Too high will not buy.

[Anonymous No.18421874]

Why are you guys supporting roastie's fanfiction on amazon?

[Anonymous No.18421878]

>>18421863
How do I write short stories?
Anime long-runners ruined my brain.

[Anonymous No.18421885]

>>18421846
there are always some people on the internet who will ree at interracial pairings

[Anonymous No.18421901]

>>18421885
Can’t be that. She even said that other interracial erotica are more “accepted” than WMAF. Besides, this is erotica, essentially porn, having any reservations on that type of shit is pointless

[Anonymous No.18421902]

>>18410378
>>18411757
>If you need to be a fan of a show to recognize a word, you probably should choose a different word
>a lot will see words they don't recognise and put the book straight down instead.
Jesus fucking wept. I tremble imagining some impressionable writers might take the crap advice given in these threads.

[Anonymous No.18421910]

>>18410430
Seriously? Nobody could point out the mistake here?

[Anonymous No.18421912]

>>18421910
Nobody cares.

[Anonymous No.18421915]

>>18421878
>>18421878
I treated my booklets like Monty Python skits. You get a main cast of "characters" and write a series of unrelated skits about them. I say "characters" because they can vary in age, looks, and personality, depending on what makes the skit funny. Anime watchers might be at an advantage here, because anime characters have lots of silly skit humor


> character A says he's a skilled swimmer and he's going to teach characters B, C, and D how to swim. Character B points out that A only learned to swim in a pool, not in the ocean, which is where they are today. Character A chickens out and they spend the day lying on the beach instead, honhonhonhon
> characters A, B, C, and D host a party but no one came. How could that be? Character A asks if character B sent out the invitations, and B replies yes. Character C asks if he put on stamps. "Stamps?" asks B. "Oops ..." honhonhonhon
> repeat 28 more times

I also type in font size 18 so it's easy to fill up a 30 page booklet of humorous skits. I don't know how that other person got a 15 page book because Amazon requires a minimum 24 page book for paperback, due to physical binding restrictions.

[Anonymous No.18421919]

>>18421910
>>18421912

[Anonymous No.18421920]

>>18421902
I actually go to an actual writing forum for any actual advice. I rarely, if ever, heed any advice from here.

[Anonymous No.18421937]

>>18421874
Because she was my favorite literotica author before she stop posting stories?

[Anonymous No.18421943]

>>18412289
Use Grinder. Jesus, nobody can offer even the most basic advice here.

[Anonymous No.18421962]

>>18421901
I guess Hispanic + White is ok. They even have a socially acceptable name for it, castizo. The Bushes are all castizos. Other than that, all interracial pairing cause internet rees
> White man + anything besides Hispanic = reeeeeee
> Black man + anything besides Hispanic = reeeeeee
> Asian man + anything = reeeeeee
> White woman + anything besides Hispanic = reeeeeee
> Black woman + anything besides Hispanic = reeeeeee
> Asian woman + anything = reeeeeee

[Anonymous No.18421964]

>>18412496
Never advice someone again.

[Anonymous No.18421971]

>>18421915
>don't know how that other person got a 15 page book because Amazon requires a minimum 24 page book
I meant digital book. Not an actual physical book.

[Anonymous No.18421980]

>>18421971
That makes sense. A 15 page digital book can easily be converted to a longer physical book with big font size

[Anonymous No.18421989]

>>18421964
People here shouldn't take advice from here in the first place.

[Anonymous No.18422007]

>>18421863
I think it’s most optimal if you give out your first book for free and then charge low price for the rest of its a series. It’s what some do and it kinda works for them.

[Anonymous No.18422016]

>>18421962
A castizo is just some guy that's 3/4 white and 1/4 Amerindian.

[Anonymous No.18422022]

>>18422007
the first book is free strategy only works due to a price matching loophole. The early adopters were able to take advantage of it but I've heard Amazon is less liberal with its policies now.

[Anonymous No.18422028]

>>18422016
Oh I thought it was anyone who was Hispanic and White.

[Anonymous No.18422035]

>>18422022
I still see free books on Amazon. So it can’t be that restricted.

[Anonymous No.18422040]

>>18421915
Nice.

[Anonymous No.18422044]

>>18422028
No, anon, Castizo is a racial category that every Latin American Nation uses.

[Anonymous No.18422066]

>>18421902
If there’s someone stupid enough to seek advice here instead of an actual forum for writing, that’s on them for being stupid as fuck.

[Anonymous No.18422082]

>>18422035
Yeah, it's like people using KDP to make blank journals, calendars, coloring books. It's discouraged, but people still get through. Personally I don't bother with permafree books, it seems sketch to me

[Anonymous No.18422093]

>>18422082
I do. Sometimes you find a gem in one of those that make it worth while.

[Anonymous No.18422106]

>>18422066
>>18421989
>>18421920
>>18421912
I remember when /lit/ had pride. The crit threads were cutthroat and demanding. Now it's all been reduced to anime OPs and people lamely sighing and kind of just shrugging and not really putting an effort into anything. It's better off dead.

[Anonymous No.18422116]

>>18422106
The crit threads were even more dead. The fuck are you on about?

[Anonymous No.18422122]

>>18421060
Dox*

[Anonymous No.18422123]

>>18422093
I meant that I myself don't publish my books and make them permafree. I find the process too backdoorsy and it makes me anxious that it'll be a black mark on my Amazon account. You only get one Amazon account per lifetime, ya know? I still download permafree books all the time though

[Anonymous No.18422132]

>>18422116
They were slow because people only posted when they meant it instead of using this as some kind of lame social space where they half ass not really doing anything.

[Anonymous No.18422134]

>>18422132
Now that’s some revisionist history if I ever saw it.

[Anonymous No.18422135]

>>18422106
the animeposters astroturfed too hard and created an echo chamber for themselves

i wouldnt care if it hadn't driven the old crit thread people off as a side effect

[Anonymous No.18422156]

>>18422123
Ah, that’s more understandable. Also, you only get one? I have two.

[Anonymous No.18422160]

>>18422106
>>18422132
>>18422135
You have to go back.

[Anonymous No.18422176]

>>18422160
shut up faggot, this is a slow board and everybody can tell you're one severely autistic guy with an inexplicable fetish for being the Thread Maker

[Anonymous No.18422185]

>>18422156
you can have different types of accounts, regular purchasing, KDP, seller, but if your KDP account gets banned because you were a naughty boi, that's it, no second chances, no more publishing on Amazon 4 you

[Anonymous No.18422188]

>>18422106
/crit/ died for a reason so stop peddling it.

[Anonymous No.18422194]

>>18422185
>KDP
Oh, I don't have that. I thought it was the same as a regular amazon account.

[Anonymous No.18422196]

>>18412793
Thanks for the solid feedback! Here's my thoughts/questions on things. I'll let you all know when the chapter is updated all the way.

>Add more reactions to the bosses, magic
I can work that in. I'm glad that the magic comes across nicely. Trying to find a balance between "is this magic" and "Harry Potter sparkles" can be tricky sometimes.

>Spreadsheets are boring
I guess this is true, but I'm not sure how far to go. I feel like Amber wouldn't be given reign over anything too important yet as she has only been there a month and hasn't been fully initiated yet. The Boss does money laundering via his casinos. He helps Hack and Ma hide money made via black market dealing in exchange for a small cut and continued overall peace. Perhaps I could use this? Ideas welcome.

>The setting is too ornate
I based it loosely on some of the old office buildings I saw growing up. Glorious art decco monstrosities with literal marble walls and floors ornamented with brass and rich wood furniture. Made to impress. It's located in dug-out space beneath some warehouses, similar to the old opium dens. It took him years to get it done, but is made to last. It also follows the Bastard's rather flowery and delicate sense of style.

With this stuff in mind, does it make more sense or should I still tone it down more? I can try to add my reasoning in as Amber's observations in if it would help clarify for the readers.

>Amber being un-described is unnecessary
True. I'll have to work in more personality and have others react more to her.

> The son is a little cartoonish
You are right, though you'd be surprised what can get ignored in a city, especially down town. I went ahead and toned it down a little. Does this sound better?

>It must have been a good twenty minutes before the final party showed up. He was not quite as tall as the Boss, but he had the same jawline. The same sloping shoulders and catlike demeanor. The same skin tone, complete with a variety of tattoos peaking out from his collar line. This is where the comparisons stopped. His jeans and t-shirt were dirty and worn. I hoped that the red flecks along his arm and shirt were tomato sauce, but the bloodied blackjack in his hand said otherwise. His sneakers were scuffed and splattered with filth. Greasy blonde hair fell ragged around his shoulders. He seemed to be in his mid 20's.

>"Damn it, kiddo, couldn't ya have taken a shower at least?" grumbled Hack.

>The newcomer flopped into the chair next to me. "And miss the show?" He leaned back in his chair, rocking it onto it's hind legs. "With fresh meat to boot? Nope. I'm here. Now, can we light this candle?" he stretched and placed his arms behind his head. The smell of sweat mingling with other less than pleasant fluids was strong when he came in. Lifting his arms only made it much worse. I tried not to gag.

[Anonymous No.18422202]

>>18422196
So, you writing a fantasy noir?

[Anonymous No.18422204]

>>18422194
The login is the same, but the functions are separate. For example, if you get kicked off KDP, you cant publish, but you can still buy stuff on Amazon.com like normal

[Anonymous No.18422213]

>>18422176
So the rumors are true about you guys.

[Anonymous No.18422215]

>>18422204
I don't intent to use Amazon so I don't know. I prefer a web serial on other sites than amazon.

[Anonymous No.18422220]

>>18422188
Whenever /wg/ and /crit/ were made simultaneously, the jannies would delete /crit/, so there was a forced migration and to this they they complained about the death of /crit/. I still don't know why the mods made that decision but it's caused much complaining about muh old crit thread ever since, and with no real benefit

[Anonymous No.18422221]

>>18422204
>>18422215
I don’t know how you guys can use Amazon. It honestly feels like need a huge following to be even mildly successful.

[Anonymous No.18422222]

>>18421755
Chang sperged for over two years after vtuber mentioned Taiwan in a video until they got said vtuber cancelled

[Anonymous No.18422229]

>>18422220
What are you talking about jannies deleting /crit/? They let that shit live. Hell, even one faggot managed to trick an anon to make it and it promptly died after a ten post or so. Again. The claim that’s /crit/ was successful is delusional.

[Anonymous No.18422231]

>>18422222
So, cover actually fired her after all?

[Anonymous No.18422236]

I feel something of mine was appreciated not because but despite the parody it offered. And strangely, I feel like this is my niche. But say you wrote a parody of the salaryman's life, where he falls in love with a machine. And people eat it up like blade runner, the salarywomen especially. Should I just learn to love the officelady?

[Anonymous No.18422238]

>>18422215
you cannot escape

[Anonymous No.18422243]

>>18422231
fired but made it appear a "voluntary retirement"

[Anonymous No.18422246]

>>18422229
>Hell, even one faggot managed to trick an anon to make it and it promptly died after a ten post or so. Again. The claim that’s /crit/ was successful is delusional.
Hell, I even remember the pseud spergednout because an animefag posted his work on that thread.

[Anonymous No.18422247]

>>18422243
I can’t believe they actually bent the knee. It seems so unreal.

[Anonymous No.18422254]

>>18422238
Wasn’t that mocked because of its point system or something?

[Anonymous No.18422255]

>>18422246
>>/lit/thread/S17951477

[Anonymous No.18422259]

>>18422254
I think it's the same system as Amazon Audible, except instead of a token getting you an entire audiobook, you get a chapter between 500-6000 words. And each token was like $1 or something

[Anonymous No.18422262]

>>18422259
Oh god, its even worse than I remember. How isn't that failed yet?

[Anonymous No.18422271]

>>18422255
seeing the old copypasta is so quaint compared to the current
also /crit/ is inherently going to be shit because the only person who would go there instead of /wg/ is a newfag leech

[Anonymous No.18422275]

>>18422255
God, /crit/ threads gets more and more pathetic the more they’re made. Why can’t pseuds let it die?

[Anonymous No.18422277]

>>18422271
It was a simpler time then.

[Anonymous No.18422279]

>>18421920
>I actually go to an actual writing forum for any actual advice
give it to me

[Anonymous No.18422280]

>>18422262
The Amazon executives will find some way to wring money out of us via Vella, and we'll like it too

[Anonymous No.18422284]

>>18422122
What an odd question. I never really thought of it as doxxing.

[Anonymous No.18422290]

>>18422122
You can't dox yourself anon, if somebody wants to link to their indentity then they should be welcome to as long as it's requested and isn't simply self promotion.

[Anonymous No.18422292]

>>18422284
most people write via pen names or pseudonyms anyway. I think only F Gardner was brave/stupid enough to use his real name and initials

[Anonymous No.18422294]

>>18415160
>Boss here is no Christian Grey
He isn't meant to be. I feel the giga chad is over done. It also doesn't make sense for the character.

This is the idea of how the White Bastard works: a pretty boy who let people underestimate him until he could destroy them. He used his wits to get to the top. This guy doesn't need to throw literal weight around to get things done, so he is not powerfully built. He's part of the camp that feels that if one must always try to look dominant, they are actually fearful and weak. He puts on the face needed for the situation and lets his work stand for him.

This part is from when she firsts sees him. She came there in response to a hand-delivered letter demanding that she show up for "an interview". The letter contained thinly-veiled threats if she did not comply.

She is meant to come across as impressed by his charisma and beauty. He is meant to be a little intimidating as a form of pulling rank to a newcomer he is not sure of yet . Does it help get the idea across? If not, what would help?

>A single figure was sitting at the heavy table. He was back lit by the flicker from the fire place. He turned his head as I entered the room, getting to his feet. He stalked toward me with catlike grace. Blue eyes caught the faint light and almost seemed to shine. Faded tattoos rippled across his skin like stripes on a tiger. His dark clothing shifted and flowed across his delicate frame and sloping shoulders. Long white hair was tied back in a messy low pony tail. A cruel little smile spread across his long, thin face and pointed jaw.

> Our eyes met. I knew I was screwed. Oh yes, he could tear my throat out with one fluid motion and no one would be the wiser. Yet there was something about him. The poised elegance of his motions. The regal stripes of faded scars and age on his pale skin. The way the light highlighted his tousled hair. He was beautiful. I stood my ground in mute admiration.

>“You are Amber, I take it?” he said, extending a long, thin hand towards me.

>I blinked and grasped his hand, giving him a firm handshake. “Yes. I am here for the interview.”

[Anonymous No.18422296]

>>18422271
I never said /crit/ wasn’t shit. I just said that it was delusional to think it was more successful than /wg/. Especially when a pseud is the one that’s being delusional in the first place.

[Anonymous No.18422306]

>>18422280
I won’t. I barely use Amazon in the first place.

[Anonymous No.18422314]

>>18422202
Basically. I'm having trouble dictating exact terms for this, but you could call it modern fantasy noir. Possibly crime-drama urban fantasy or light fantasy. More realistic than your typical "swords and dragons" fantasy but not 100% realism.

Wizards are like computer programmers, only they hack reality to some extent. Take stuff you find on /x/ and make it actually work. That's the idea I had in mind.

[Anonymous No.18422317]

>>18422294
>a pretty boy who let people underestimate him until he could destroy them. He used his wits to get to the top. This guy doesn't need to throw literal weight around to get things done, so he is not powerfully built. He's part of the camp that feels that if one must always try to look dominant, they are actually fearful and weak. He puts on the face needed for the situation and lets his work stand for him.
> He is meant to be a little intimidating as a form of pulling rank to a newcomer he is not sure of yet
yeah but that doesn't come out in your writing. The only thing the reader gets is that he wears colorful expensive clothing. Right now it comes out as, "Wow! His clothes are so nice! Imagine the manhours it took to make such fine clothing. I love him!!! *swoon*"

[Anonymous No.18422320]

>>18422279
I’m giving you two.

https://www.writingforums.org/
https://www.writingforums.com/

[Anonymous No.18422326]

New thread
>>18422323

[Anonymous No.18422353]

>>18422317
>The only thing the reader gets is that he wears colorful expensive clothing.
Are you talking about the example from chapter three (the meeting), the one I posted a few minutes ago from chapter two (the interview), or both?

I can always expand on descriptions for either chapter. On chapter three I don't want to over-do it as chapter two is supposed to establish him more firmly. Also the conversation between Amber and the Boss already goes on for a couple of pages. If chapter one is the problem, yeah, I definitely need to describe things more.

Ideas of things I could toss in that would make the characterization more clear?

[Anonymous No.18422360]

>>18417392
>more or less precisely
I'm already pissed off even though it's a bit ironic this concerns precision

>, written in a large and decidedly elegant, flowing script upon the corrugated business card with which I have supplied him.
tells me the man carries business cards but otherwise seems extraneous

everything up to "three a half cents per hour." was good

>nor make redress
cuttable

>; a man I’ve never met
doesn't need to be a semicolon, especially given you've already got one in the line

>which extends up into the sky
works visually but loops back to the "building of relatively incomparable immensity" description you have in the very same line; I get that you're playing a character here but this much redundancy is a hard sell, and I mean no offense but he doesn't have to be a bad writer for you to make fun of him

>double "which"
at some point I've made enough decisions regarding the image you've given me that further instructions feel wasted, and maybe I sound dumb for saying this but you know, that's just how it is

>third "which"
>African porcines of the kind which you might find mounted faddishly
just changing this to "faddish African porcines" might amend a lot of the prior point

>often surprisingly always
often surprisingly

>in taxidermy within
"taxidermized" is a word

>Bill’s Fill and Shill (Formerly Art’s)
it works, except I'm left wondering what the fuck a fill and shill is, and none of what's left in the paragraph explains this

>landfill
took a while to reach this

>Fill and Shill sits atop
there's a subliminal image I like here, with them managing landfills and all

>of course,
>of course,
the repetition feels accidental, and it feels accidental on your part rather than the character's

>his is, of course, only entertaining by virtue of the spirit of aristocratic competition the possibility of matching Bill
you're missing a word or something here, or at least a comma after "competition," and the following semicolon could be an em dash

the next semicolon could be a comma

[Anonymous No.18422367]

>>18422353
I don't know what chapter, I just read what you had in your pastebin. Honestly, I thought that the other magic people were going to laugh at Amber because they cast a love spell on her, like hahaha you liked some random guy in fancy clothes, stoopid muggle. I was surprised when I went down the page and found out she liked him for reals because it came out of nowhere

[Anonymous No.18422382]

>>18422353
as for making your boss guy intimidating instead of some random guy at a desk. Why not make him in a fancy room with guards at his command, that way we know he's wealthy and commands an army who fear or respect him. you should probably read 50 shades of grey, or if that's too painful, read Ready Player One meeting between meeting between Wade and the Big Corporation CEO guy. Yeah, we knew that big bad was a big deal before the meeting, but the meeting also made it clear that big bad was powerful and serious business

[Anonymous No.18422393]

>>18422326
>First post is a pseud pretending to be an anime writer, who actually writes
It does not bode well for the thread.

[Anonymous No.18422414]

>>18422367
Yeah, that would be Chapter 3, after I already established him in chapter 2. I greentexted some of the first meeting from chapter 2 in my reply post as a contrast to see if it was any better.

But yes, I can see where going off of just that clip would be confusing. I'll have to think on how I can improve the description and reaction without bloating things too much.

The idea of using a love spell to make that happen is actually a funny thought. I may have to tinker with the idea; I was planning on having him use her affections to keep her under his control so a love spell may work with the idea. He is a bastard, after all.

Anyway, greentext on bottom is the first meeting, Post link from earlier to make life easy:
>>18422294

[Anonymous No.18422442]

>>18422382
>Ready Player One
Infinitely better than 50 Shades of Grey, desu. I'll have to read it again some time.

Yeah, I'll have to work on that power signalling. Not sure if I need to go full evil overlord, though it could be a decent contrast to the other bosses, especially if I do it right.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!