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/lit/ - Literature


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18691741 No.18691741 [Reply] [Original]

>> No.18691747

I thought I knew you well
But all this time I could never tell
I let you get away
Haunts me every night and every day
You were the only one
The only friend I counted on
How could I watch you walk away
I'd give anything to have you here today
But now I stand alone with my pride
And dream that you're still by my side
But that was yesterday
I had the world in my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a slight change of plans
That was yesterday
But today life goes on
No more hiding in yesterday
'Cause yesterday's gone, oh
Love, my love I gave it all
Thought I saw the light, when I heard you call
Life that we both could share
Has deserted me, left me in despair
But now I stand alone with my pride
Fighting back the tears I never let myself cry
But that was yesterday
Love was torn from my hands
But it's not the end of my world
Just a little hard to understand
That was yesterday
But today life goes on
You won't find me in yesterday's world
Now yesterday's gone
Goodbye yesterday
Now it's over and done
Still I hope somewhere deep in your heart
Yesterday will live on, oh

>> No.18691748

oh hi doggy

>> No.18691756

>>18691747
>Still I hope somewhere deep in your heart
>Yesterday will live on, oh
thanks now i'm sad

>> No.18691760

>>18691741
I wished I could materialize my ideas for, visuals, stories, or music without needing to attain the skills to do it or get the money to pay someone

>> No.18691763

Fuck butterfly, fuck cumgenius (pedo), fuck jannies, fuck christfags, fuck jannies.

>> No.18691769

>>18691763
I agree.
Fuck monkeys too.

>> No.18691778

>birthday time
>'anon, you love to read right?'
>yes
>get gifted three books
>all shitty
>would much prefer a coupon instead

How to cope with this?

>> No.18691790

>>18691778
join book trading club

>> No.18691793

>>18691778
what are the books? maybe they are trying to hint at something

>> No.18691802

I enjoy writing more than reading.

>> No.18691803

>>18691778
Give them to me

>> No.18691844

>>18691741
Life has been very difficult recently.
By this point, I am constantly met with the feeling that I am not a human being, perhaps even not real, silly as that sounds.
But there is a light at the end, I think. Things will change, and until then I can count the little blessings.
I can now benchpress bodyweight at 270, and will have a day off to just go into the woods and do target practice later this week. I fixed the handguard on my PTR91, and finished a good book.
I now move on to the Picatrix, which I find will need a notebook accompanying everything to record all the manors of the moon and of celestial relations..
Good luck, everyone.

>> No.18691849

i'm a ftm transgender. i've been on testosterone for 3 years and i finally got my mastectomy last year. my parents kicked me out for reasons that were related to my transition, but that isnt the point of why i'm writing this. my girlfriend has been basically supporting both of us cause i havnt been able to hold down a job for mental health reasons. during covid my girlfriends job hours got cut and for many reasons we got evicted from her apartment and had to live out of her car for a few months. we kept trying to find a place to live but it was either out of our price range, or we were just flat out rejected, most likely cause the people were bigots. anyway we saw this really great deal on craigslist of a guy who was renting out a room in his house, and it was right next to my girlfriends work so we were super hopeful. we talked back and forth with the guy for a while and told him about us and asked if he was cool with all of it and he said he wasnt sure but was willing to meet with us and see how it went. we were really nervous when we pulled up to his house, it was really nice and the guy was waiting outside. we already knew that he was a little older than us, but he looked way more mature than we expected. he was fairly nice but as he showed us around the property he started talking about how strict the rules were going to be, what was and wasn't allowed, cant have guests over past 10 pm, only allowed to eat in the dining room, everything has to stay really clean etc. we also noticed a lot of redflags that he was basically a fascist or something. he had a bunch of nazi books, and paintings of trains and guys stabbing dragons and stuff. oh and the bathroom that we were supposed to use had like five pictures of a ship stuck in ice, and this little newspaper clipping that said something like "men wanted for dangerous voyage, safe return unlikely". so we were really not sure about this. he told us we seemed okay and that he was willing to let us live there. even with some of our reservations it was just too good of a deal so we ended up moving in a week later. continued in part 2

>> No.18691853

>>18691849
Shut the fuck up. No one cares after those first four words you fucking freak

>> No.18691856

>>18691849
part 2
things were pretty cool for a few weeks, he even cooked dinner for all of us often. he works from home and owns his own business (not fully sure what he does) so i see him a lot since i dont work. he was surprisingly respectful of my pronouns but would also call me things like sport and champ which seemed a bit demeaning but it didnt bother me that much. over time he would ask me to help him with projects that he was working on, mostly home improvement stuff like a little landscaping and other things around the house. this is when things started to get bad. since i didnt grow up doing the things that most men do, i was pretty clumsy and i couldnt really lift heavy things. his sport and champ comments soon turned to comments like "what kind of man are you" and "dont be a pussy" etc. it started to make me feel really intimidated. when i confronted him about it, he just said "aww you gonna cry?" and chuckled to himself. at that time i would never have admitted to him, but i did go and cry in the shower later. unfortunately things only got worse and worse and it became a genuine bullying situation. he would always make comments to me when my girlfriends around, about how am i gonna take care of her, a man is supposed to do this this and this. she would try to defend me but that only made me feel worse. plus she was intimidated by him too and looked down anytime he was around. continued in part 3

>> No.18691858

>>18691853
chill jesus what is wrong with you

>> No.18691864

>>18691853
kek

>> No.18691869

>>18691856
part 3
my girlfriend eventually got fired from her job cause she missed too many days having to take care of me when i was having a depressive episode. when we told the guy that we were gonna have a harder time with rent he just said "well you better figure something out" and went back to what he was doing. some time passed and we were basically broke, we barely had money for food, but he was still feeding us which is kind of him i guess, but when we told him that we couldnt pay him anymore he got really quiet for a little bit and then looked us up and down and asked what we were gonna do about it. this made us really uncomfortable and my girlfriend and i looked at each other like what the fuck are we gonna do? then my girlfriend looked back at him and asked him what he wanted, and my heart sank at the thought of what she was considering. the guy got a smirk on his face that sent a shiver up my spine. "i want to watch you fuck"
i was like what the fuck no, but at the same time my girlfriend said okay, and then my whole world turned upside down for a moment as i looked at her. like is she fucking serious? i just grabbed her and took her into our room and we got into a big argument. she said that all he wants to do is watch and then she got kinda nasty and said that it was her decision and she was doing it for us and how she always has to do everything to take care of us and this is no different. that made me feel horrible cause she was essentially saying what the guy had been saying about how my gf is basically the man and i'm a fucking loser. and that just broke me, i went numb and said i would do it for us. then she went out into the living room and asked him if he wants to watch now. continued in part 4

>> No.18691870

Learning to fly and I have the constant urge to nose straight down and hit the ground at full throttle.

>> No.18691872
File: 457 KB, 2048x1365, 256709_10152376259715514_1615648039_o.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18691872

>>18691741
Once I perfect my self-publishing system, I honestly believe there are anons on /lit/ right now that will become millionaires someday due to the process I have discovered.

>> No.18691874

trannies are a menace to both genders
they undermine progress both in women's rights and men's rights
things were finally moving alone too...

>> No.18691877

>>18691874
>alone
*along

>> No.18691878

>>18691869
part 4
he came in a few moments later. i was like i cant do it right now i'm not in the mood. so the guy looked at my girlfriend and she sat next to me and started kissing my neck and stuff but it was so fucking awkward. then the guy tells my gf to take her clothes off and maybe that will get me "hard". i was so fucking humiliated, but my girlfriend slowly took off her clothes, and he told her to get on her knees on the bed and bend over. then he looked at me and said "dont just look at it, eat it" and started laughing to himself. i was on the verge of tears and my gf was encouraging me so i half heartedly started eating her pussy. she was so wet from the situation that it made me feel like she wanted to fuck him and i started sobbing as i was licking her. when i looked up again the guy had his dick out and he was masturbating. he said he wants to see mine but i can barely move cause of how upset i am, so my gf has to take my clothes off for me. she then starts to lick my giant testosterone clit and then the guy gets closer and closer with his dick and she eventually starts to suck his instead. my whole world shattered at that moment. i was completely frozen and got tunnel vision. i literally just laid there as this guy started fucking my gf in front of me and she was enjoying it, not only was she enjoying him, but i could tell she was enjoying it happening in front of me. the two of them fucked for like 20 minutes while i just watched and sobbed. then he made us all get in the shower and wash ourselves cause he doesnt like the smell of sex lingering around after he is no longer horney. my gf seemed ashamed after and said she needed to go to her parents. her parents basically told her she wasnt a part of their family if she was with me, so this made me think that maybe she was reconsidering the relationship her and i had. continued in part 5

>> No.18691880

>>18691869
This is fucking awesome for you to share, anon.
>mad respect
>pausing for a moment to re-read
Bro... please continue

>> No.18691891

>>18691878
part 5
she wasnt answering any of my texts and eventually just texted i'm sorry i can't do this anymore. i spent the next day in bed crying. i thought i heard the guy leave so i snuck out of my room to get something to drink but then he came back in and asked me where my girlfriend was. i threw the glass at him and started screaming about how he ruined everything. he told me that i was the one that ruined it and that it was doomed from the start. i started to attack him but he was way stronger than me and he was laughing the whole time calling me a sissyboy. then he carried me over to the couch and pushed my face in the cushion as he spanked me and called me a little faggot and was making comments about my "twink" ass. i tried to fight it but he was just way too strong without even trying. i was screaming into the couch but it was no use. then he pulled my basketball shorts down and started touching me. then he stuck his dick in me. i had never felt a penis inside of me before, only plastic toys, and i hate to admit it but it felt so fucking good. he got fully on top of me and started fucking me really hard, but it wasnt rough, more like firm. he just held me and fucked me, and even with my testosterone voice i was whimpering like a girl. i felt every shred of masculinity leave my body as he had his way with me. after only like 30 seconds of this i came harder than i ever have in my entire life and after a little while longer he came really hard inside of me. then he just laid on top of me and gently caressed and kissed my neck. i felt so comfortable and safe, and i must have fallen asleep for a few minutes cause when he went to get off of me i kinda snored a little bit as i came to. as soon he went to his room i ran into the shower and started sobbing. i couldnt believe that that happened and most of all i hated how much i enjoyed it. my whole identity was shattered, who am i, what am i, i dont know anymore so i just cried and cried till the hot water ran out. i went to my room and slept until he knocked and told me that he made spring rolls. as upset as i was spring rolls sounded really good at the moment so i went out and we ate them as i wiped tears from my eyes. after we ate he asked me to help with the dishes and as we were doing that i started getting really horney again so was i like rubbing against him to give him the hint but he didnt do anything he just kept doing the dishes then went to his office to finish something he was working on. i went back to bed and watched netflix for like an hour before he came in asked what i was watching and if he could join me. so we started watching that for a little and eventually ended up having sex a few more times that night. so yeah that was like a month ago and he said i can basically live here until i get my shit together, and we fuck all the time.

>> No.18691894

>>18691874
trannies are actually good because their existence erodes our systems, decreases our social cohesion and increases the general neurosis in our society. The goal has always been palingensis by any means. If they help to collapse society so be it.

>> No.18691895

>>18691878
I am heartbroken

>> No.18691896

>>18691872
Where is that?

>> No.18691897
File: 543 KB, 1000x750, Pirate+sonyvegas+pro+13+and+anything+_67bad9c2098cb7910d398b09edd73cd9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18691897

I just described one of my biggest sex fantasies to someone and they called it revolting. Am I really that much of a degenerate?

>> No.18691899

>>18691896
I will only tell you if you confirm in some way that you are the real butters.

>> No.18691900

>>18691896
Your mom's musty underarms

>> No.18691908

>>18691891
This is perhaps the greatest story to show the complete collapse of western willpower.

My God, just giving up, letting someone take your space, your woman, and then your own asshole, you have truly collapsed.

Are you looking for a publisher or self-publish?

>> No.18691915
File: 176 KB, 1920x1280, IMG_5034.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18691915

>>18691896
In the sick Gastown loft I used to rent

>> No.18691916

>>18691894
Based accelerationist
Mark my words, if it doesn't cause an outright decay, manwomen and womenmen will be the faultline upon which the American political schema is repolarized, and thank God for it

>> No.18691960

>>18691897
depends what it is and how ethically wrong it is

>> No.18691970

>>18691908
no i'm not looking to publish anything, and he didn't fuck my ass he fucked my vagina

>> No.18691971

>>18691891
What a rollercoaster holy shit

>> No.18692006

>>18691897
What's the sexual fantasy?
Was it scat? That's physically revolving but not only morally degenerate

>> No.18692101

MY COCK BE THROBBING WITH PFIZER

>> No.18692103

in the black swan does taleb keep talking about how the lebanese are not true menas through the entire book?

>> No.18692113

And as I write or sing these poems,
Oh, I wish I could fly, free from ties
From my body, towards that region where agile
my tongue lifted with its last accents!

>> No.18692118

>fat immature schizo gf on needle meds
What a dumbfuck my bro is. I'd rather stay alone.

>> No.18692119

>>18691970
Amazing! I learn something new every day. Thank you anon.

>> No.18692135

>>18691872
ctrl+p->enter

>> No.18692147

I think I have ruined my mind with self-paranoia. Somehow, the thought that I must know the definition of every word came into my mind, now I have been looking up words as simple as conspicuous in the dictionary because I cannot recall it perfectly.

>> No.18692166

>>18691849
>>18691856
>>18691869
>>18691878
>>18691891
tl;dr. shut the fuck up, faggot

>> No.18692201
File: 49 KB, 400x600, depositphotos_240780942-stock-photo-sad-woman-pajamas-licking-fingers.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18692201

>>18692006
I mentioned that I fantasized about fucking a woman while she was eating. Taking her from behind while she was actively eating food.

In particular it was a fantasy about fucking a woman from behind while she was eating cake with her bare hands. The idea of thrusting into her, actively plowing her, while she stuffed her face with delicious cake covered in icing.

For years now it's been a potent fantasy of mine to fuck a woman while she's eating.

>> No.18692211

>>18692201
Oh
Well, I mean, that's weird but I don't see what'd be so repulsive about it

>> No.18692215

>>18692201
that sounds about as pedestrian and inoffensive as a sexual fantasy could possibly get

>> No.18692219

>>18692211
>>18692215
Thanks for the reassurance, Anons. Maybe it was just the nature of the thread I was in.

>> No.18692223

>>18692219
IF that's a potent thing that's been on your mind sexwise then you're fine, if that's the biggest on then you have nothing to worry about.

>> No.18692238

>>18692166
Has a pretty funny ending.

>> No.18692291
File: 293 KB, 1600x839, 645253A0-53BB-45D7-89CD-C1F5AA4AFD95.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18692291

I don’t know how to not sound pretentious, but I had an idea for a novel.

Thanks to the schizos on the “/lit/ writes a book word by word” thread that is now deader than death itself, I thought of a collage of dozens of unrelated short stories that would segue unto each other with no real defined boundaries. The stories would cut and go back between each other, without sounding incomprehensible and unnecessary complicated (like an anthology of sorts).

However, all the short stories would share common themes, and these themes get more and more important as the novel goes on, until the very end where all the stories finally converge into one. So it’s not random for randomness’ sake.

There would also be interludes between the stories that would consist of poetry, TV commercials and detailed descriptions of nature/flora/architecture, just like if you zapped through the channels of a telly back and forth.

Basically, it’s “Bitches Brew”, but with words.

>> No.18692322

bump

>> No.18692354

>>18692291
Sounds interesting, are you going to write it?

>> No.18692380

>>18692354
When it comes to writing, i’m a complete beginner.

But i’ve been thinking about this “project” for quite some time.

That’s the thing that pisses me off with post-modern novels : most of them are cold, oblique, unreachable.
I want to do the opposite : an experimental, “human” book with no compromises at all, that creates its own bizarre universe without relying on cheap tricks and gimmicks.
Dangerous, angry, unhinged and abstract sometimes, but somehow evokes an ocean-like inner peace.

>> No.18692385

My mother spends every waking second walking back and forth around the house talking loudly on the phone and it's the most insufferable, invasive thing. I need to move to my own place or I'll murder someone. I fucking hate sharing space with my mother so much.

>> No.18692399

>>18692385
>tfw same thing, but with my father instead
I got you, Anon.

>> No.18692400

>>18692291
that's nice but you gotta realize a mental concept for something, and the thing actually realized are worlds apart. good luck

>> No.18692421

>>18692400
Of course, it will.
I know my project is unreasonably ambitious and could end up as a rubbernecking train wreck. That’s why i have to practice my writing skills first.

I also don’t want this to end up as derivative too. It’s important to create your own writing style, instead of copying someone else’s without any kind of “soul”.

So yeah... back to work for poor ole Anon.

>> No.18692444

bump

>> No.18692465

bump 2

>> No.18692474

>>18692444
>>18692465
why are you bumping so much, the thread is not going anywhere

>> No.18692479

>>18692474
Well, in that case, i’ll let it die.
However, what the “Bitches Brew” anon wrote down was neat. Hope it makes it through his project.

>> No.18692506

>>18692465
>>18692479
are you fucking lost? this isn't /b/, threads move slowly. look at the catalog and stop being retarded. this thread used to be up for a week a couple of years ago.

>> No.18692511
File: 472 KB, 2048x2048, Untitled (3).png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18692511

>> No.18692522

Nothing is on my mind right now. I feel empty.

>> No.18692609

I guess I didn’t realize
How alone I was
I gained no identity
But the ones my friends chose for me
A self-parodying fool
The eyes just don’t get it
He’s never going to get some
A stone Cadillac
Chilled marble statue
Block of frozen ice
Refrigerated hopes and aspirations
My tongue really cuts on that knife
Every time I open my mouth
When I speak, peoples ears pop
My chest opens into cinerama
An alien landscape I’m not too sure of
A graphic novel of pain
Sunsets of longing, clouds float on by
Like socrates past, like plato’s forgotten memories
I guess we all come cycling back
If we’re lucky and if we’re not
Yet unsure if this is the right place to be
So far, it’s not right for me
They say I’m nice, to try and kill me with sweetness
But they’re too fucking dumb, and that’s my real weakness
And I’m a coward to blow fire in their face
Unworthy of all opponents, you could touch me
I might fall over
I won’t play dead, but I don’t know how to get back up either
My youth is in waste, I live in fear of watching too closely
The flip into old- age, the slip of the heart
So many lament about how fast the best parts flew by
Not knowing they’re sitting next to this guy

>> No.18692621

>>18691741
imagine if that dog bit your nutsack lmfao it would hurt so much

>> No.18692631

>>18692522
Cringe

>> No.18692637

>>18692631
Based

>> No.18692702

cunny

>> No.18692772
File: 121 KB, 314x390, 537c555881d1976a1334174ef9e67440.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18692772

the state of this fucking board

>> No.18692786

>>18692772
Cringe

>> No.18692914

I'm going to need to find some better editing software soon because what I'm using is basic as fuck and although it does the job, I want to make everything look better.

>> No.18693020

Seeing a girl, she's cute and I don't mind spending time with her. But she texts me a lot, and it's kind of just mindless stuff "hey how is your day?" and such. Honestly it makes me want to stop seeing her. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm 26 though and have been single for 4 years. I know if I stop seeing her it could be another 4 years before I find someone else I dont mind spending time with again. And then I'll be 30, and the dating pool will be drying up into crazy girls and divorcees. I'm lucky this one is young, shes 22. I want to just tell her to chill but I don't wanna offend her. Hopefully over time she relaxes.

>> No.18693042

>>18693020
you're fucked
you've been single for so long you no longer connect with people
your girl is probably venting on lc now about how her bf is neglecting her and a bunch of people are telling her to dump you now

>> No.18693047

>>18693042
We're not dating but I think you're right
I think I'd rather deal with this than be alone though. Or maybe she'll cut it off first. Oh well.

>> No.18693050

>>18693020
You're lucky to find a girl who doesn't keep you guessing all the time, not wanting to seem too eager but also not cold that whole shit.

>> No.18693057

>>18693020
That's weird, I enjoy stuff like that. If you really like someone you should want to interact with them a lot. Maybe you don't actually like her

>> No.18693063

I'm tired.

>> No.18693068

>>18693057
I don't know if I like her or not but I don't hate spending time with her. Is that not enough? I don't believe in soul mates really, or compatibility. I think the key to a successful relationship is finding someone not whom you love unconditionally, or are head over heels for, but someone who doesn't drive you insane, someone you don't hate, who has the ability to bring you some modicum of comfort. I think it's rarer than most people like to admit.

>> No.18693072

>>18693063
I feel you

>> No.18693077

>>18693068
you're not thinking about her feelings, you do realize she's not just some toy you can just go to have fun and then ghost after, right?
that'd be incredibly unfair to her, being in a relationship means putting in as much as you're getting out of it

>> No.18693086

>>18693077
Well yeah, I'm not. I'm fucked in the head man. Why do you think I'm in this thread. I don't know what else to do.

>> No.18693100

>>18693068
True to some extent, but you should still enjoy being around them for most of the day. Now, having a portion of the day where you have a "break" from them is also fully normal and everyone does it, but if you dislike being around her for more than a few hours a day then I think there's a problem. You should really feel pleased to be in one another's company, even if you don't say a single word.

>> No.18693105

Its easier to just be alone

>> No.18693201

This thread was posted almost 8 hours ago. The previous thread still hasn't 404d at the time of me posting this. Why can't you take it slow, what the fuck is wrong with these recent OPs

>> No.18693215

>>18693201
the weak should fear the strong

>> No.18693236

>This Email is to inform you that one of our Institution's trusted Employer ( Mrs Brown ) needs a part time Personal Assistant to work nine hours every week. This Job position does not affect your present employment or study plan. Weekly Pay is $350.
Kinda jealous I missed out on this, that's an insane salary for a student job

>> No.18693250

>>18693215
I take it my post intimidates you then

>> No.18693265

Amazing story. At first I was disgusted. Worth the read

>> No.18693271

>>18693265
Was meant for
>>18691849
>>18691856
>>18691891

>> No.18693610

The death of the hero, or “genius”.

>> No.18693713

>>18691844
>body weight
>270
LMAO

>> No.18693715 [DELETED] 
File: 483 KB, 1600x1071, albarracin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18693715

It's been a long time since I've last seen a women inspire something more than lust within me, I thought, when I saw her for the first time. I was helping Enrique re-arrange a server rack when I looked up through the wiring and bits of metal and caught her gazing at me with her enormous brown eyes. She was dressed modestly, had smooth olive skin, and dark black hair with streaks of light brown.She was the only engineer on the floor in the swarm of the aging, overweight, male engineer population. Her demeanor and overall look protruded the qualities of an intelligent leader and this was best illustrated as she danced around the floor doing the rounds, making sure the project was going smooth, her aura raising making a positive, noticeable difference in how everyone acted. Being the dissatisfied person that I am, I always wondered why most people seemed content despite the growing number of scandals attributed to our leaders, but as soon as I locked eyes with her, I knew exactly what Dostoevsky was getting at in Notes from Underground. Hell could've been unleashed onto Earth, but none of that would've mattered so long as I was with her. From then on I would see everyday, occasionally sneaking looks at her every now and again and catching her do the same. I originally got the job so that I could make a little money and have something to show for on my resume, but she was what kept me coming back. Everyday after work I would walk past her alone, typing away at one of the many computers on the floor, trying to work up the courage to talk to her. I never did, for I figured that time was on my side and that all I needed was a plan before diving head first. But before I knew it, the project had been finished, and she was nowhere to be seen. Where she had gone: I don't know. I was profoundly shocked and saddened by my lack of urgency and impotence in the face of such an essential endeavor. I thought about asking someone about her, but that seemed way out of line. Then again, what did it matter what other people thought when it was her I was after. Nothing came of out in the end, and I regressed back into my familiar state - the swirling irrationality of the urgrund at the core of it.

>> No.18693716

>>18691870
Based kamikaze

>> No.18693726

>>18691849
Find a good psychiatrist who will stop this and put you on neuroleptics. You are delusional and need help and probably a 1-3 year stay a an inpatient.

t. maybe or maybe not an actual psychiatrist

>> No.18693737

>>18691872
>>18691915
You are a rapist

>> No.18693761
File: 483 KB, 1600x1071, albarracin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18693761

It's been a long time since I've last seen a women inspire something more than lust within me, I thought, when I saw her for the first time. I was helping Enrique re-arrange a server rack when I looked up through the wiring and bits of metal and caught her gazing at me with her enormous brown eyes. She was dressed modestly, had smooth olive skin, and dark black hair with streaks of light brown.She was the only engineer on the floor in the swarm of the aging, overweight, male engineer population. Her demeanor and overall look protruded the qualities of an intelligent leader and this was best illustrated as she danced around the floor doing the rounds, making sure the project was going smooth, her aura raising making a positive, noticeable difference in how everyone acted. Being the dissatisfied person that I am, I always wondered why most people seemed content despite the growing number of scandals attributed to our leaders, but as soon as I locked eyes with her, I knew exactly what Dostoevsky was getting at in Notes from Underground. Hell could've been unleashed onto Earth, but none of that would've mattered so long as I was with her. From then on I would see everyday, occasionally sneaking looks at her every now and again and catching her do the same. I originally got the job so that I could make a little money and have something to show for on my resume, but she was what kept me coming back. Everyday after work I would walk past her alone, typing away at one of the many computers on the floor, trying to work up the courage to talk to her. I never did, for I figured that time was on my side and that all I needed was a plan before diving head first. But before I knew it, the project had been finished, and she was nowhere to be seen. Where she had gone: I don't know. I was profoundly shocked and saddened by my lack of urgency and impotence in the face of such an essential endeavor. I thought about asking someone about her, but that seemed way out of line. Then again, what did it matter what other people thought when it was her I was after. Nothing came of out in the end, and I regressed back into my familiar state - the swirling irrationality of the urgrund at the core of it. How I wish I could embrace her and cry on her shoulder.

>> No.18693770

YOU CAN MAKE IT DIGITAL
YOU CAN MAKE IT DIGITAL
YOU CAN MAKE IT DIGITAL

FUCKING WHORE GET OUT OF MY HEAD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE STOP
why do things just get stuck in my head for no fucking reason and I can't take them out no matter what?

>> No.18693806

>>18693761
How lonely.

>> No.18693932

I actually should have predicted this some time ago. This is deep theory but online message boards effectively have their own ideological economies that operate with identical mechanisms to capital markets, except that where excess value is to capitalism, excess enjoyment is to online message boards. That these two economies should begin to merge is surprising and interesting but not totally unpredictable. There's a reason why a lot of people online have made a fuckload of money with almost no understanding of markets and that's because they already invest in the ideological markets of these message boards. The two have become connected and that's why their investments have paid off.
I wish I had the brains to explain it properly. Humans are interesting, because they don't just enjoy things, they enjoy them to excess. A monkey enjoys watching someone slip on a banana skin, but humans enjoy, not only the act of watching someone slip on a banana skin but also the idea of someone slipping on a banana skin, which creates an excess of enjoyment (called jouissance by Lacan because of something to do with jouir which means to cum in French, don't ask why). This enjoyment isn't limited to humorous things; we enjoy lots of things. We even enjoy hating things. In everyday ordinary society we have social bonds, meaning that our ability to exchange this excess (sharing our enjoyment, which is something people always do) is limited, however online where we are largely, if not totally, anonymous these social bonds are no longer present. In fact, value is exchanged even more effectively online. You enjoy a person's post, you 'buy' it. Someone enjoys your post and gives you a (you) and you've sold off some of yours. When we post and read posts we are simply engaging in acts of exchange of enjoyment, except in an extremely efficient way. Unlike in a social scenario, where value is exchanged under the conditions of social bonds, everyone can effectively 'buy' into whatever other people are enjoying.

This is why you end up with crazy shit like Trump getting meme'd so hard in 2016 and other memes that have gained so much traction online all over the world.

>> No.18693937

Humans create literature with characters who suffer to create meaning and beautiful stories. Why wouldn't God do the same? Suffering is temporary, but the meaning derived from it is eternal.

>> No.18693955

>>18693937
Why would a God care about the meaning we find?

>> No.18693972

>>18693955
Because we are at the center of God's thoughts and to say anything otherwise would classified as Satanist propaganda.

>> No.18693984

>>18693972
I hope you're right.

>> No.18694003

he mindset of someone who would willingly engage in reddit is the real crux of all of this.
The need for attention, validation, to fit in, and be seen fitting it. Its encourages the worst traits of old internet forums. The upvote system is a compounding factor on all of this because it gives direct feeback. Violating the groupthink is instantly punished. Conforming to the groupthink is instantly rewarded. They are thereby programmed to attempt to appease the group constantly. They live for the rush of validation and dopamine when the upvotes start ticking.
This shit becomes such a powerful feedback loop that they really have grasp on reality at all. I've had the misfortune of talking to some IRL hardcore redditors face to face. They're socially retarded in an entirely unique way. They're capable of basic social graces that an actual autist isn't, but they still lack critical self awareness. They don't know how to differentiate internet humor from real life humor. They're gullible and will believe anything from another person who is even half way agreeable to them. Its tragic. They're virtually lobotomized.

>> No.18694008

>>18694003
All of these apply to the average chronic 4channer most commonly found on /v/, /pol/, and /tv/.

>> No.18694012

Medicine, business, law, engineering, these are all noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

>> No.18694148

>>18693806
Indeed. *sigh*

>> No.18694153

>>18691747
oh no no no

>> No.18694154

>>18693713
do you realize that anon can probably fold you like a lawn chair

>> No.18694162

>>18691878
you blew it with the american psycho reference. nice bait

>> No.18694216

>>18694162
ya got me, can't get past a brainiac like you

>> No.18694223

Nobody knows that I have 7 personas online where I release content regularly.

>> No.18694255

>>18694223
hi jim

>> No.18694303

start with the greeks

>> No.18694315

>>18694223
>>18694255
kek

>> No.18694318 [DELETED] 

Why is everything in youtube so fucking embarrassing

>> No.18694347

>>18694223
I only use two. One is the complete opposite of the other. You will see us shitting on ourselves on a lot of threads.

>> No.18694371 [DELETED] 

>Monsignor Jeffrey Burrill, former general secretary of the U.S. bishops’ conference, announced his resignation Tuesday, after The Pillar found evidence the priest engaged in serial sexual misconduct, while he held a critical oversight role in the Catholic Church’s response to the recent spate of sexual abuse and misconduct scandals.

>According to commercially available records of app signal data obtained by The Pillar, a mobile device correlated to Burrill emitted app data signals from the location-based hookup app Grindr on a near-daily basis during parts of 2018, 2019, and 2020 — at both his USCCB office and his USCCB-owned residence, as well as during USCCB meetings and events in other cities.

just catholic things

>> No.18694381
File: 61 KB, 750x745, 1583128626935.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18694381

>have done fuck all to put on my resume thus far
>applying for internships now
Wish me luck guys

>> No.18694410

>>18694381
>…works good under pressure and makes deadlines priorty

>> No.18694456

>>18694255
>Jim ever releasing stuff anymore
The good times are gone forever bros...

>> No.18694464

>>18694381
Just lie man. Nobody checks that shit

>> No.18694492 [DELETED] 

>>18694223
>>18694347
everyone knows the religion threads are just one guy arguing with himself which is why anyone who's been on the site more than a day just scrolls by them without the slightest interest.

>> No.18694499

>>18694464
I lied a little in my current resume and stretched the truth a bit, but mainly by saying that I know things which I really don't, but I could learn easily with little effort. What I didn't lie about is stuff like community involvement, clubs, and awards, since I honestly have none of that and would feel scared if someone fact checked it and found out I was lying. Maybe I should though and remake it just to have something there.

There's a paid internship in Japan I just applied for that would be amazing if I land it, but I already applied so I can't just take it back. But honestly if I were going to lie, I should have done it there since they're probably the least likely to fact check my shit and just want to see something listed in each category. There's a bunch of stuff remaining I can apply for, so I won't sweat it if I get snubbed, but I kinda regret not stretching the truth just a bit more to improve my chances now.

>> No.18694527
File: 49 KB, 300x345, 1625294415866.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18694527

My prose is bloated and filled with shit. After writing on and off for years, I'm worried I'll never get better. Perfection is achieved not when you can add nothing more but when you can take nothing away. And my work is the opposite of perfect

>> No.18694559

I want to stop hating so many things but I can't control it

>> No.18694589

>>18694559
Maybe stop showing it
Then stop thinking it.
Catch yourself, like using a swear-jar, till it stops.

>> No.18694626

Are we all so bitter because we are not getting enough love? If so, whose love do we want?

I look at the individual people on the street and ask myself if it is them, but I care about none. Is it then only non-strangers whose love I want?

I consider myself having good friends and family. I know they love me and I love them. I could always do better, but i don't feel the problem comes from them.

After thinking the whole day about this question during my shift at work. I think there might be a possibility that it is the lacking love of an idealized imaginary group that might be the main culprit of the bitterness so many of us feel. A vague self made conception of a group of non-existent beautiful and virtuous people whose love we are desperately craving for, but never can get.

Where did these perfect people come from and how do I get rid of them? Woe is me.

>> No.18694754

>>18694589
I love you.

>> No.18694758

>>18691793
The sound and the fury
Madame Bovary
The Virgin Suicides

>> No.18694778

Why can't I find the doorway to Narnia? Am I not good enough to go?

>> No.18694798

Is the anon who interviewed at Applebee's here? How did it go?

>> No.18694924

>>18693761
I’m sorry but you should’ve shoot your shot when you had the chance. Now you know.

>> No.18694950

>>18693713
I am about 6'3, and by this point I'm somewhere between 15-19% bodyfat, but I can benchpress my own bodyweight and still run a 14 minute 2-miles.
I hope you haven't been neglecting your fitness, Anon, times may get interesting.

>> No.18695182
File: 13 KB, 256x342, drozdek2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18695182

The more I realize that most women (let alone people) aren't interested in the more STEM-oriented and fighting game stuff I am, the less lonely I feel. At the same time though, I wish I could just meet one girl who wouldn't just be a great lover but a great friend as well. I don't know how or why this is happening but honestly it's a welcome change. It makes me want to get out there into the world and change it for the better one step and one day at a time

>> No.18695198
File: 498 KB, 640x427, 9v0sdgobahc71.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18695198

>>18695182
Meant to post this picture but whatever

>> No.18695202

We are born in a hospital and we die in a hospital. Hospitals are important. It is all a multi layered proccess.

>> No.18695277

>>18691741
What emotion does this pic convey?

>> No.18695288

sometimes I want to write my wife a love letter, but then I'm worried she'll secretly think it's really gay and lose interest in me. I've been thinking about putting one in the mail, and then acting like a real pig around the house and treating her like crap just to balance things out.
I love her so much, I just want her to feel special, but not actually believe she IS special and start looking for better options.

>> No.18695318

I've got a rest day from the gym tomorrow, and I can't decide what I should do with the extra time in the morning, since my body gives me no choice but to wake up at the same time every single day. Should I go for a nice morning walk on the heath, and try to spot the heron that's meant to be prowling about there, or should I use the time to get some extra reading in, as if I do then I'll definitely finish the book I'm currently reading tomorrow? What we thinkin fellas?

>> No.18695356

>after all of this she thinks this is bad

>> No.18695429

>>18695288
This is miserable and pathetic on so many levels

>> No.18695459

>>18695288
You should let me have sex with her

>> No.18695505

I keep posting about him in these threads because he’s an interesting case.
Meth head friend from elementary school is back in jail, sadly only on gross misdemeanor harassment charges so he’ll likely be back out within a short time.
Hopefully a judge can sentence him to required rehab but I have no clue if that’s in their power to do

>> No.18695517

>>18695288
I don’t know your wife but girls generally love cheesy stuff like letters and flowers. I doubt many women would find it “gay”
>and then acting like a real pig around the house and treating her like crap just to balance things out.
I hope this is a joke, because holy kek

>> No.18695541

>>18695517
>I hope this is a joke
lol it is.
desu I am a big softy, I've already written her a few, I just remind her every time that if she cheats on me she'll start getting hate letters instead this one is not a joke...

>> No.18695546
File: 143 KB, 539x700, 1625424635192.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18695546

>>18691741
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard I try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time

All I know

>> No.18695563

>>18695541
Cringe

>> No.18695575

>>18695541
>I just remind her every time that if she cheats on me she'll start getting hate letters instead
This just makes you seem incredibly insecure, like you can’t do a nice gesture without bringing up that she better not fuck it up. And by bringing it up often you’ll just make her more curious

>> No.18695591

>>18695541
I would hate to be your wife lol, what a weird threat

>> No.18695603

yep
BPD is flaring up again
my high is over, I can feel my world crashing down
it's 5am and I feel like crying for no fucking reason

>> No.18695607

>>18695603
oh sheit desu.
read some DBT lmao it kinda helped with my bpd

>> No.18695622

>>18691747
Very nice anon

>> No.18695642

How do i cope with my own mortality, with my desires and with loneliness? The more i struggle, the more i fallback. I see no way out and it makes me mad, makes me lash out on my dearest gals. Am i wrong or are they? Is my judgment clouded or their words are chosen carefully to irritate me? I hope the day shall come again

>> No.18695646

Thoughts?

>> No.18695654

>>18691870
Please aim at my park while im there

>> No.18695662

>>18695318
I would go for a walk

>> No.18695675

>>18692201
Coomer here, thats normie tier and your friend is a mega normie

>> No.18695684

>>18692291
I had the same exact idea but it was for a video game

>> No.18695721

>>18695575
well, the sarcasm is a lot more palpable when I tell her in person, but when guys like >>18695459 exist how can I not be insecure?

>> No.18695776

>>18695721
Haha imagine your wife getting gangbanged by a pack of feral nogs

>> No.18695803

What if I told you I'm talking to a girl, would you stop stalking me then?

>> No.18695825

>>18691741
why is everyone calling themselves an activist these days? Do people really think they're rebelling when the media, education system, and majority of the population agree with them? It gets under my skin so fucking badly and I can't even explain why.

>> No.18695855

>>18695825
it's the latest trend

>> No.18695859

Oh so I should carry on then. Is it love, infatuation, or just interest? Never really found out.

>> No.18695871

>talk to a chick all day
>looks ok but seems pretty based
>she asks me about my mother
>decide to just be weird about it since if she's gonna like me she's gonna have to like me weird, I'm not gonna have the energy to keep up any lies
not 100% on how I feel about this but this is how it went down. I just behaved strangely, more or less by choice. not like I'm gonna tell her the truth, that would be too personal. doubt we'll talk tomorrow lol

>> No.18695886

So it's just interest. Meh.

>> No.18695890

>>18695825
I agree. There are a lot of little shits at my college acting like their better than everyone because they’re apart of the Republicans club.

>> No.18695894
File: 395 KB, 2048x1584, 1626278965759.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18695894

come on, God
just another chance

>> No.18695896

I’m going to move to Japan and become a real mangaka

>> No.18695920

>>18695896
As opposed to a fake mangaka?

>> No.18695936

ඞSUSඞ

>> No.18695942

>>18695920
if you don't have a series with Shonen Jump you're not a real mangaka

>> No.18695945

>>18691872
And of course you're one of them.

>> No.18696087

>>18695871
Acting like this will make it near impossible to ever develop a genuine bond

>> No.18696093

>>18691741
fucking kikes I swear

it's always them

every tiem

>> No.18696106

>>18695871
>not like I'm gonna tell her the truth
What? She a pornstar or something?

>> No.18696125

>>18696087
yea, well, it turns out I wasn't ready to have this conversation

>> No.18696440

I have a MA in Phil. and I ended up working in a family owned factory doing most of the manual labor. Having to work a blue collar job for the past 4 years has put my education into perspective - it's worthless.

>> No.18696492

>>18696440
maybe a degree is worthless but education never is. dont be so materialistic

>> No.18696689

I came to a realization a few weeks back. I'd been turning some stuff over in my mind for a while, and it's not like a light-bulb just went off all at once, but a thought that had never quite had structure before suddenly had one. Years and years ago, back in college, I think sophomore year, I had a philosophy class. I was deeper into the philosophy class track than I had to be since philosophy wasn't my major, but I wanted to take it anyway. I can't remember what we were discussing, specifically, but I remember that we were talking about core conflicts that had to be resolved in a person's life for them to spiritually develop. It might have been Hegel. My brain wants to think we were talking about Hegel. I remember raising my hand and asking a question though. It went something like "do you think that these phases of spiritual development might correlate in some way to phases in life?" I remember this professor, this guy who was at the oldest in his early thirties, maybe late twenties (I'm thinking mid-late twenties) scoffed at me. He said "well, I hope you already have all of this stuff already figured out in your life". That got chuckles out of a few people. I remember being mildly annoyed at the time, maybe more than mildly, that's why I probably remember it so well. Now though I look back at this and I laugh because it's like fuck man, you think you have all of life's core issues resolved? Fucking really? You think people should have what you think this philosopher is talking about as the core fucking questions of life resolved by at least their early twenties? What do you think that actually looks like? How do you think that really manifests itself in the way that a person thinks and acts?

I remember being sixteen and thinking that I "got" nihilism as a stepping stone to existentialism. I didn't "get" nihilism in the sense that Nietzsche was talking about, I had just outgrown some childish ideas and adapted some new ones that felt like they fit me better. That isn't the same as nihilism. I'm in my early 30's now and I'm barely dipping a toe into nihilism. It's a scary fucking pool to step into. The dissolution of meaning. I sure as shit didn't understand what that was at the age of sixteen. I thought that I did though. It's like someone who's only ever stubbed their toe thinking that they know what a broken bone would feel like. Or someone who plays a lot of video games thinking that he'd totally be able to take on a team of Navy SEALs.

The next question that I was wondering about is this. Does thinking that you're at some higher level of spiritual development on whatever axis that you're using to measure that than you actually are have the effect of retarding your growth? Does thinking that you're some kind of guru after buying a few books on "eastern religion" at Barnes & Noble have the effect of making it so that you can never really have authentic growth? It seems like it would, wouldn't it?

>> No.18696699

>>18695945
Na, and I don't need to be a millionaire to be happy :)

>> No.18696722

>>18696689
The sage in all cultures is shown an old man for a reason.
As we live, we suffer, as we suffer, we learn. Too much anguish and we are broken under the weight of it all, too little and we never grow, hence why we as people were not made to take life's pain all at once, nor to develop within a short span of 30, even 40 years.
That philosophy teacher sounds like an asshole.

>> No.18696748

>>18696722
Great post!

>> No.18696766

>>18693020
22 and 26 is a considerable generational gap. Youre basically on the edge of millennial/zoomer, she is full blown zoomer.

>> No.18696791

I'd love to be a fiery demagogue and rile up the masses with my endless truth. Sadly I know that as soon as I did so someone would hack my phone and find something embarrassing I did to assassinate my character. Or assassinate me literally. I really do wish I could wake up the masses because I have a lot figured out.

Rabble-rousers and demagogues get a bad rap. The problem with them is that they often knowingly say ignorant things to appeal to the ignorant. A proper inciter speaks nothing but the truth to the ignorant and inspires them to justice, passion and truth.

>> No.18696793

from all the self reflecting and monologues in my brain, i think ive come to fear one thing that never crossed my mind before

im afraid to make serious intellectual dialogues with people, i dont want to be disappointed and ruin my image of them or confirm my fears that they might have not the capacity to keep up.

That horrifies me because it brings out a huge minus in my character. The idea that my parents teachers and peers planted in my head that I am superior.

Again these thoughts are something i cant bring out in the open, I always keep a low profile and I would never want to sound pretentious airhead I often see but for fucks sake even the words im typing right now sound pretentious as fuck.

>tldr superiority complex

>> No.18696794
File: 138 KB, 651x805, 1613153232769.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18696794

Brother, whatever happens today, no matter the outcome, you'll always be on top. I know you couldn't do what you wanted and your time was spread too far but I want you to know that a minor defeat is insignificant in this long line of victories. You just need to see this day through.

>> No.18696818

>>18696793
>That horrifies me because it brings out a huge minus in my character. The idea that my parents teachers and peers planted in my head that I am superior.
Being able to acknowledge this goes a long way. If you were truly a pretentious twat who thought you were superior to everyone you would never think it may be a superiority complex. It may be considered, but quickly dismissed.
Are you familiar with imposter syndrome?

>> No.18696844

I didn't realize how dependent I was on emotional support from my girlfriend until I moved away.
It hurts.

>> No.18696850

What is one book from the 20th century or 21st century that would be remembered as part of a historical canon a few thousand years from now?

>> No.18696867
File: 157 KB, 460x558, julian_disgust.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18696867

After I dumped my gf she got a new bf with the same name as me, but fatter. I was so disgusted with women by this point I started dating a guy who is actually much more loving and pleasant than any woman. I was at a bar with him and my ex gf walks in with anon 2 and sits directly in front of us, staring at me with dead eyes while her fat bf is squirming and I had an out of body experience as I was slamming beers and watching her die inside

>> No.18696869
File: 499 KB, 1125x2436, View recent photos.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18696869

>>18696850

>> No.18696890

>>18696793
Read about it just now because you mentioned it. Seems thats it, my mental illness has been categorized. Nice. desu now that i think about it i remember telling my psychologist when i was seeing one that i wouldnt want her to call me
>smart
because i despised that word because ive heard it so much.

Thanks for the eye opening now Ive have to find out how ill deal with it or if i will. Might just ignore it along with other stuff

>> No.18696893

>>18696867
nigga...what?!

>> No.18696894

>>18696689
Man, I used to think that the adults had their shit figured out, but to hear you reveal your worries and concerns in the way you did only further accentuates the rumination in the back of mind of what's to be realized at some point. I don't want to grow up. I wish I was a goddamn child again. The "gift of life" seems more and more like a curse as the days go by.

>> No.18696903

>>18696893
yeah I wish I was normal

>> No.18696913

>>18696867
based gayman

>> No.18696916

>>18696867
wow

>> No.18696922

>>18696867
I genuinely don’t know what to say. This post is very disturbing.

>> No.18696937

>>18696867
why do you think she was dying inside exactly?

>> No.18696939

I've never had a life. Growing up, pretty much the only places I got to go were school and the store, and the rest of the time I stayed at home. Sometimes friends would come over, but I almost never got to visit their houses. There was one exception, but that was probably just because my mom was friends with his mom, and I was never that close with him as far as I remember. I don't think either of my parents knew how to have a life outside of home or work, so I hardly got to go anywhere either. Other kids got to hang out after school and run around unsupervised, but my parents would have freaked out if I ever did that.

After finishing middle school, I was supposed to attend Mariner with everyone else. But, my parents had concerns about it, so they tried to get me into a different school. When that failed, I had to take online classes. I'd never had the best relationship with teachers, but a glaring screen full of text was no replacement for a real human. Also, giving a hormonal teenager 24/7 internet access was just a terrible idea. I flunked every subject. After that year was over, my parents introduced the idea of "unschooling", and I dropped out altogether.

I turned 18 almost nine years ago. I never got a GED, or even learned to drive. I was too reliant on my parents in my formative years, so when the time came when I should have gone out on my own, I had no idea what to do. But, for some reason they expected me to just work it all out on my own without them having to do a thing. I'm still stuck in that house, wishing I'd taken more initiative when I had the chance.

>> No.18696950

>>18696939
Book yourself in for a drivers ed lesson anon. Get a truck license. Brum brum across the country.

>> No.18696972

>>18696939
I was homeless at 16 and went to 11 different schools and never graduated. I ended up selling porn for 15 years when I should have been writing more during that time. I wrote a book when I was 12 on an Atari 520st, but the floppy disk got lost.

A lot of young men are hamstrung by protective parents that end up helping them fail to launch.

>> No.18696988

>>18696972
>A lot of young men are hamstrung by protective parents that end up helping them fail to launch.
sad but true

>> No.18697006

>>18696937
she had a lot of self esteem issues and emotional breakdowns, I don't think it was good for her when I upgraded for a man

>> No.18697048

A big motivation for doing well I'm high school/college was the approval of my teachers/professors, especially the male ones. I'm not very intelligent, but I worked hard and studied a lot.Whenever I got an A on a paper/test/final, I got such a rush of happiness, knowing they were proud of me. High school and college were both kinda shit experiences for me, but some of my fondest memories were busting my ass and seeing the recognition in the professors' eyes. It was an incredible feeling, to receive their approval.

>> No.18697054

I'm in love with my penis and testicles. I want to cuddle with them and whisper love songs .

>> No.18697055

>>18694589
This is why I believe in God butterfly, because of feelings like this. :3

I'm with you, I think modern religions suck, we are in need of something greater, more intelligent. But faith nonetheless.

You are so pure of heart

>> No.18697056

>>18696844
everywhere I look I see her

>> No.18697161 [DELETED] 

Even monsters have their limits.

>> No.18697375

>>18691763
>Fuck butterfly
God i wish

>> No.18697398

>>18691741
Occasionally I wish I wasn't human, Occasionally I wish I didn't have to do shit to solve my problems, sometimes I also wish I wasn't as apathetic or lazy. But what can you do about it.

>> No.18697440

Why did women have to bully me so much bros, it's too hard to let my insecurities go away now

>> No.18697447

>>18697440
People in general are full of shit, anon. Just disregard most of them. Unironically, started to give no fucks at age 25 or something. Best thing ever, be a boomer before you are actually a boomer. This is the secret of the good life.

>> No.18697453

The United States should declare open season on all Chinese shipping. Sink their ships on the high seas and dare them to nuke us in response. Give the attack submarines freedom to hunt.

>> No.18697485

I’m not attracted to my girlfriend anymore and am horny as hell.
I’m afraid of breaking up due to a ton of reasons and it’s not like it would solve the sex problem, since covid is still going strong in the hellhole where I live and going out with strangers would be reckless.
I also look like fucking oh dae su from Oldboy after going a year and a half without getting a haircut.

>> No.18697561

>>18697485
stop watching porn

>> No.18697566

>>18697485
break up
idealy it'd be her dumping you, but you're all we've got, so dump her

>> No.18697589

>>18691741
My dialogues with my psychologist have been going well. I discussed medication and he said that he rarely supports it, although he conditioned the statement that he wouldn't ask the suffering person to suffer more than they could bear, he views pain as needed to drive humans toward non-pain. He also said a lot of problems people my age face (college) tend to be identity issues, and a lot of our talks have revolved around my identity. How extraverted do I want to be? How much do I want to hide myself vs how genuine do I want to be? Do I want to break away from my parents' teachings to become a more authentic self? What is my limit stress wise? I've never had a psychologist tell me it's alright to feel pain, and it's been a unique and rewarding experience. Normally they try to give me coping mechanisms or, if they're a psychiatrist, try to medicate me. He wants me to accept that pain is a part of the human experience, and that by accepting it, I'll reduce anxiety since my anxiety stems from constantly resisting my emotions through escapism. So far, my quality of life has drastically improved.

>> No.18697601

>>18696972
Are you American Mcgee?
>>18696988
How to surpass this?

>> No.18697633

>>18697601
>How to surpass this?
you have to forgive them and be determined to take things into your own hands and not worry what others think, dont be afraid to make mistakes.

>> No.18697634
File: 154 KB, 1024x715, 1626541076068m.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18697634

Chapter 7, page 115.
Just keep chuggin' along. Gotta sleep soon. I need infinite time. Just like, a room where I can float in space surrounded by research material. No sun or moon. Just a vast blankness.
...maybe I don't actually want that, but I feel like I do.

>> No.18697687

>work a 8 hour day
>go home
>resentful, bitter, spiteful, miserable, exhausted, want to eat a bunch of junk food and destroy eveyrthing
>work a 5 hour day
>go home
>energetic, productive, happy, well rested, want to do constructive things and clean and eat healthy

>boomers will still mandate we all work 40 hour work weeks in a soul crushing office job doing boring stupid shit no one cares about instead of living well and enjoying life while still getting almost as much work done
FUCK
THIS
SHIT

>> No.18697698

>>18697633
I’ve forgiven them for some time, but still struggle with leaving my insecurities behind and ignoring the opinions of others. Frankly, I’m kinda lost. Lifting, meditating, following a healthy routine; there’s tons of things I’ve tried through the years, and - although some of them help - the problem still persists. I want to leave these feelings behind, just don’t know how.

>> No.18697723

>>18697698
do you have a goal? it doesn't need to be a material thing necessarily, but not knowing what you want and not having something concrete to work towards will definitely leave you feeling lost. think about where you want to be while on your deathbed, all the things that you would look at and feel glad that you accomplished, and think about what things would you possibly regret not accomplishing. then write all that stuff down and make a plan on how to make those things happen, and start working towards it.

>> No.18697737

I keep dreaming about my woman cheating on me even though I have no such fear in my waking hours. It's driving me up the wall, bleeding over into my waking hours, making me paranoid.

>> No.18697753

>>18697723
Not much besides a strong desire the surpass my issues. I want to be someone who is comfortable with himself and balanced no matter the situation.
I will try your list idea, thanks for the help.

>> No.18697779

>>18697687
I know. Frito Lay workers are seeing 19th century bullshit again, despite being “unionized”

>> No.18697850

I've come to the conclusion that I want to stop being friends with this dude I've known for a long time, how do I go about doing this when our friend groups are somewhat interlinked? I'm thinking about saying that I don't want to hang out with him anymore and that if they want to keep him around that's fine but I won't be there. Has anybody done this before?

>> No.18697852

I wish I was a baby again.

>> No.18697861

>>18697779
Last office job I had was literally 2 hours of work and 6 hours of killing time. I wrote a bunch while at that job.

>> No.18697894

>>18697850
Giving your friends this ultimatum is an extremely selfish move. You are throwing your issues and feelings at their laps, despite such things being exclusively your problem.
If I was one of your friends, I would immediately favor the other guy, since he isn’t the one forcing me to abandon a friend over another.

>> No.18697909

I’m tired of the world
My mind feels burnt out
All I think about is starting a farm and having a harem.
This is all I want in life, everything else seems meaningless.
I wish I could be normal. I’m a loner and all I do is think and read all day.
I love you my friends.

>> No.18697988

>>18694499
I checked back on this and I was already rejected for the internship. RIP

At least rejection came quickly though. And I can't be surprised when I had no portfolio to share, nor any club activity, awards, or community involvement to highlight. You'd have to be very naive to think you could get anywhere based on claiming to know things alone. So I really need to prioritize buffing up my resume this year as much as possible. But man, having to worry whether your portfolio is enough or not really sounds like a cause of anxiety.

>> No.18698026

>>18697894
I'm not looking to give them an ultimatum, just going to say that I don't want to hang out with the guy anymore and so I probably won't be around as long as he's there. Would it be better to just lie about why I don't want to hang out with the group anymore rather than say it's specifically because of that guy?

>> No.18698064

>>18692291
hey im this anon >>18692354
i was just thinking about something unrelated to your post but then i got an idea for your story and maybe how to structure it. what i'm thinking may be more suited for a movie format but it can probably work as a novel too. if youre still around and interested in the idea let me know, otherwise i wont bother writing it out for the void.

>> No.18698076

>>18697988
Also I'm looking at an alum who recently got a master's in a similar degree to me and his CV is insane
>Interned at a research lab and also NASA
>Wrote almost 2 dozen research papers
>6 different awards/honors
>co-founded 2 fucking companies as well as 2 different clubs, one of which got government funding
>also was a TA and a student band section leader
Honestly this guy deserves way better than my university. People like this belong in Ivy League institutions or something

>> No.18698092

>>18698026
Anon, that's an ultimatum. It's just a mildly sugarcoated version of "either hang out with him or me."

>> No.18698104

>>18696867
funniest fucking post I've read all week

>> No.18698138

>>18698092
So what are my other options then? I can't stand the guy

>> No.18698162

>>18698138
I'm not here to make moral judgements for you, so it depends on how selfish you want to be. You can give the ultimatum, but just be aware of the consequences. Another option is to just abandon the friend groups all together and find new ones. Another option is to just tough it out.

>> No.18698271

>>18698138
ive been in a similar situation and things that have worked for me are make plans with people when that guy is busy, or make plans to do things that that guy doesnt like to do. just get creative it's not that hard, but maybe i'm more manipulative than you are so it comes naturally idk

>> No.18698337

>>18696867
you have ascended

>> No.18698346

>>18698337
Cringe.

>> No.18698353

>>18691741
Her booba was fatta, it made me harda, I desired to cum on her.

So I did.

>> No.18698362

>>18698346
reddit moment

>> No.18698403
File: 868 KB, 326x326, 1626780635100.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18698403

I had a dream with a girl I like last night, but I've never kissed a girl before so I don't know what its like, so when we started kissing the dream reality kind of fell apart and I woke up.
Its not weird to be kissless at 18, r-right?

>> No.18698405

i might hit the boof

>> No.18698406

>>18698403
>18
nigga, you're barely legal

>> No.18698407

>>18695942
i draw mspaint doodles once a month to insult people on the internet, and that makes me a mangaka!

>> No.18698414

>>18698064
Hey dude, i’m the Anon you’re looking for
Go ahead, what are your ideas?

>> No.18698436

>>18698414
Self-bump for exposure

>> No.18698504

>>18698436
Self-bump 2

>> No.18698518

My life is a perpetual Way of Sorrows, marching towards a crucifixion that never comes.

>> No.18698556

>>18698504
Self-bump 3

>> No.18698557

>>18698414
guy has unresolved family drama (parents divorced when young etc.). he is a dysfunctional adult now (think 4chan user). relationship with his father slowly dissolved after the divorce and after he moved out of his moms house that relationship also faded over time. he is alone and doesnt have any significant friendships. he gets a call from his mom one night telling him that she has cancer and doesnt have long to live. he is sort of forced by his conscience to go back to his childhood home and take care of her before she passes. once he is back all the unresolved issues and memories start to crop back up (these things can be little vignettes that dont necessarily have to be told as if it were a memory). i was thinking there could be things like little notes and homework assignments, food recipes, fake commercials and tv shows etc. this will be the sort of thing you mentioned here:

>There would also be interludes between the stories that would consist of poetry, TV commercials and detailed descriptions of nature/flora/architecture, just like if you zapped through the channels of a telly back and forth.

one important part of the story will be a sound from the neighborhood that he was always curious about but never explored (i got this idea cause there is a sound in my neighborhood that i dont what it is, it sounds like a metal chain falling onto pavement, and it happens all the time) i dont know what the sound means yet, but it will play an important part near the end of the story.
so now he is back at his moms and like i said he is getting reacquainted with the memories etc. he goes to one of the rooms and discovers the families old PC from when he was a kid and he starts it up. he looks through the old files, at all the ms paint and shit he wrote over the years while he was living there. (this idea came from me looking for a video on duckduckgo and falling down a rabbithole of late 2000s highschool emo youtube channels that have long since been abandoned) by the way the reason i am saying how i got these ideas is to try and convey the tone and emotion of what i am trying to get across, so with the dead channels think bittersweet. hope that makes sense. continued...

>> No.18698563

>>18698557
so he gets onto the PC and finds that his mom never cleaned up stuff from the desk, like post it notes and little things like that. he finds his old usernames and passwords to websites he used to go on and he starts to revisit them, some of them obviously dont work anymore, but some do. he looks at old chat logs from people he knew and messages and emails etc. these can also be little vignettes of different people he knew, if it is relevant to the overall story (i want all the events to be related in some way, or at least relevant to a broader theme like you were talking about) i hate to use this as an example but it's kind of like that movie butterfly effect where ashton kutcher keeps going back to the same events because those were significant. in this story all other shorter stories should have some impact on the present, but the way that they are related doesnt have to be clear right away.

one of the websites he revisits is this free mmo (like runescape but not as popular) that he used to play to escape his problems. the story for this game can be it's own little story within the novel and should have a theme that relates to the story happening to the main character, but not too on the nose, also the novel doesnt have to be linear like i am describing, its just for clarity)
he is surprised to find that the game is still playable but there is hardly anyone playing it anymore. he is reminded of his childhood love that he met on there, some girl that he always played with and had romantic fantasies about. these fantasies and dreams that he had can also be their own little stories, also poetry and things of that nature. i imagine some of the fantasies and especially the dreams to be borderline psychedelic with room for a lot for interesting imagery. this element can also be disjointed from the broader narrative at first (cause it doesnt need to be linear)
at some point this girl from all that time ago logs back onto the game and they start playing it together and catch up (not sure yet how this interaction should go, maybe she is married and just randomly decided to take a trip down memory lane herself, maybe she is just as fucked as he is, maybe the whole thing is in his head...this can be resolved as the details of the story get filled in)
so im sure you are wondering what hell is this whole story about? i guess it would be about an existential journey of negative nostalgia and despair, culminating in some ultimate spiritual breakthrough. this happens at the end when he finally finds out what the sound is. well what is the sound and what does it mean you may be asking. i dont know that, but im confident that will reveal itself through the writing process. i understand that all this is a bit vague and you cant fully see the vision that i had for this, and i cant fully convey it without just writing it. anyway that is a rough overview of what i was thinking. thoughts? also i need to add that this isnt based on my own experiences.

>> No.18698569
File: 2.11 MB, 3670x2391, terminator-1984-film.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18698569

what is the last judgment? what is the vengeance of god? it is like this: all delusion will fall away from you, and you will see your deeds, misdeeds and omissions, the whole of your life spread out before you with unclouded vision, and you will weep for yourself and the world out of love and sorrow.

>> No.18698593

>>18698436
>>18698504
>>18698556
what the fuck are you doing?

>> No.18698599
File: 1.90 MB, 2500x1512, Alex Venezia - Returning Home.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18698599

Sometimes I think I'd make a fine god

>> No.18698600

I'm gonna sell my soul for money

>> No.18698607

>>18698599
shut up satan

>> No.18698626

>>18697634
Looks like the map of Sigurd & Gudrun's histories from the Poetic Edda

>> No.18698643

>>18696867
Won't lie to you mate this is one of the most fucking gangster things I've read on this board in a while. You're operating on a higher level now, like it or not.

>> No.18698649

>>18698346
women need to step, cause mpreg is becoming a reality

>> No.18698662

>>18698563
Hey, that’s pretty great. It could be one of the many storylines of the novel (probably the calmest one of the bunch, considering the topics it covers).
I dig the sound effect storyline, it doesn’t have to make sense, it just needs to be “understood” by the main character.

I can see this happening in a remote Midwest/Yorkshire suburb, with all the townfolks, the empty malls and highways surrounding them.

Also, the MMORPG set-up could be its own storyline, like a mock-up/tribute to WoW with its own mythology, characters, universe. However, I don’t know exactly how it could pay off for now. I’ll have to “test” this plot to see where it goes.

That being said, my original vision for the book was far more “surreal” and “psyche”. One of the many scenarios i’ve been thinking about would cover a middle-aged NYC woman who can’t get past the death of her childhood boyfriend during 9/11. She gets delusional as years go by (can’t move on from his death), and one day decides to gun-down a mosque for the thrill of it all. After the attack, she gets covered in blood and a chaotic police chase starts. She runs all through NYC and starts climbing the WTC who popped up for some reason. She starts climbing the North Tower with her bare hands in order to escape the police and her blood-soaked clothes and skin starts turning to marble. At the top of the North Antenna, she sees her friend as a golden statue and decides to give him a hug. The city is then enveloped in a cloak of darkness and disappears in thin-air.

>> No.18698685

made a burger and ate it
I did the dishes before I sat down to finally eat it
it was a little too salty and the bottom bun was practically liquid from soaking up all the liquids while I did the dishes
still tasty though

>> No.18698761

I’ve noticed that I whenever I feel bad about myself I’ll have dreams about a girl I’ve known since when I was 12. I’m 23.

>> No.18698781

>>18698662
that is pretty awesome, and is essentially the sort of stuff i was imagining with a lot of the stories, but i didnt want to flood the thread with too much text. it seems like you weren't imagining the novel to have an overarching narrative which is cool. feel free to use any of those ideas if you want though.

>> No.18698784
File: 280 KB, 637x575, 1613175669396.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18698784

I just wrote my life's story in another thread and deleted it out of shame when I re-read it and realized it was too pathetic even for an anon image board.

>> No.18698798

>>18698784
my life story
imagine typical loner kindergarten to highschool story
dropped out of highschool
time skip 7 years in a single room with a computer and a bed

>> No.18698810

>>18698798
oh yeah? what are you wearing?

>> No.18698813
File: 211 KB, 800x450, cover1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18698813

>>18691741
My neck, my arms, my legs are hurting.
I am in the parking lot trying to convince myself I want to work.
I just want to do drugs and read Hard Times.

>> No.18698815

>>18698810
boxers and a t-shirt

>> No.18698914

>>18698781
I will, the MMORPG plot is a goldmine for exploration.
I guess the commercials and descriptions of fauna/flora can happen when a character either gets lost in nature or watches a TV.

Like I said earlier (and without repeating myself over and over again), the point of the book is to free-flow while staying consistent like the music of Electric Miles. An action leads a storyline to another one. And while each of the stories happen separetly, it would be interesting if the characters were related in some way.

I’ll have to “work” on that for the rest of the summer when possible. I’ll see what I could put down for the project. I also saved your posts through screencaps.

It would be neat if there was a dedicated thread where Anons could propose storylines and all. But I know it will end up in total shitposting like the last time.
Guess i’m on my own for the time being...

>> No.18698950

>>18694758
The sound and the fury and Madame Bovary are both great picks maybe theyre hinting that you need to develop a better taste in literature idk

>> No.18698999

bump

>> No.18699009

>>18698999
I can't believe we have to keep saying this
LURK MORE
/lit/ is a slow board, you don't need to fucking bumping every 20 minutes

>> No.18699023

On a trip to Greece I met a young Serbian woman, we happened to be traveling in the same path for a time, and as it so happened we ended up eating dinner together overlooking the low-built and sprawling city. As she was still learning english and I didn't and don't know any Serbian, I attempted to get a feeling for the gap between the languages in an attempt to bridge communication, by asking about knock-knock jokes. She had never heard of them, so I gave her an example. She didn't see the point of such a childish form of humor, and couldn't see how there could be more than one knock-knock joke, as the premise is so flimsy that it doesn't warrant reuse. In rejoinder, curious to know what her conception of humor was like, I asked her to tell me a Serbian joke. She apologized in advance for the difficulty she would have translating it, and began. 'Three bats hang in a cave, the first bat says aloud "We will find who kills the most", and flies out of the cave. Returning shortly the bat points to a village. "You see that village, everyone who lived there is dead now", he says. The second bat flies out of the cave, and returns a lot later. "Do you see that city? Everyone in the city I have killed" He says. The third bat flies out of the cave and returns almost immediately. "Do you see that lampost?" he asks. They say yes. The third bat says "I didn't"' I found it quite humorous, but I said to her afterwards that a more typical joke in my culture would be a drawing of three baseball bats hanging in a cave.

>> No.18699055

>>18699023
>"Do you see that lampost?" he asks. They say yes. The third bat says "I didn't"'
Funny, ngl.

>> No.18699130

>>18691741
I find my writing to be very boring and sterile. I find it extremely difficult to describe objects and the like. I think I try too hard in writing my dialogue too. It's likely because I never really had friends and lived in a very rural place with nothing to do. I spent my days just playing videos til all hours into the night. I never challenged myself to try harder in school even though I could have been an A-student. I just went for the pass and thought it was fine. Even today as a young man I have no friends and have never felt young love though I long for it every day and get attached to women who are just nice to me such as my coworkers. I suppose it doesn't help my social life that I work the nights mainly and spend the few hours I have before work, working out. Perhaps this is why I am called handsome at times yet unable to find someone to spend my days with.
I don't know where I was going with this but hope whoever reads this enjoys the flow of consciousness of mine blogpost.

>> No.18699166

>>18699023
yeah but did you put the + in the -

>> No.18699277

They told me that it was impossible to contact an STI from a public toilet seat but I'm pretty goddammed sure I got gonorrhea from a toilet seat at work.

>> No.18699285

>>18699277
that's....
huh
you're a sitter?

>> No.18699293

haha I just shit myself

take that fucking liberals!!!!!!!!!!!

in 2009 i was convicted of domestic terrorism

>> No.18699314

>>18691741
My fear of getting my shit stolen by a hacker has reached a point so high that I can only buy stuff from the internet if the site is very trustable or if I can pay by cash at my door.
The same fear I have about earthquakes (which are commonish in my country) I fear that one day one strong enough to take down my house will come.
I live in a constant fear of ifs, both raised by my awareness of money. I hate money and the fact that if follows the "the bigger they are, the harder they fall"

>> No.18699657

>>18699314
helo dis is jaems from IRS you need to give social sekirty or you will go to jail. email your money to me now or you will have police come to your door, okay bye.

>> No.18699748

I’m so fucking confused. I don’t know what to do.

>> No.18699775

>>18699748
throw a die, one answer per side

>> No.18699825

>>18699775
There are only two possible answers. Flip a coin?

>> No.18699832

>>18699748
I got you senpai: G.K. Chesterton - Orthodoxy

>> No.18699840

>>18699285
To take a shit? Yes. Guess it's my fault my dicktip touched the seat.

>> No.18699898

>>18699840
you shouldn't be sitting on a public toilet either way, just do like a half squat. but holy shit, imagine having your dick touch a public toilet. I'd be blasting it from a hose for the rest of the day, I guess people have different standards huh

>> No.18699903

>>18696766
Is 4 years really that big of a gap?

>> No.18699908

>>18699898
Why do people refuse to flush public toilets anon? Maybe you can tell me why..

>> No.18699910

I cleaned my room.
It's funny how this gives a slight impression you have your shit together even if you don't.
I guess it's a step in the right direction.

>> No.18699914

>>18699910
Fuck off Peterson. You are useless.

>> No.18699942

>>18699914
Is cleaning your room forever tied to the lobster meme man?

>> No.18699988

>>18699908
why would I be able to tell you why? as I already explained, I'm not a pig

>> No.18699990

Vile propaganda made me like anal

>> No.18699991

>>18699903
depends on age, in teens obviously, in twenties somewhat, after that not really

>> No.18699994

>>18699988
Don't lie to me.. I bet you're Hispanic.

>> No.18700001

>>18699994
I see, you're a burger, huh? what's the matter, did me exposing your poor hygiene standards touch a nerve? I wasn't even trying to insult you, y'know

>> No.18700020

>>18700001
Stop throwing the toilet paper in the garbage can Pedro, flush the toilet Pedro, yes our plumbing DOES in fact work Pedro.

Please Pedro.. wash your fucking hands.

>> No.18700030

>>18700020
Stop throwing the toilet paper in the garbage can Pedro, flush the toilet Pedro, yes our plumbing DOES in fact work Pedro.

Please Pedro.. wash your fucking hands.

>> No.18700035

>>18699910
I clean my room too, when my BPD compels me to

>> No.18700204

>>18691741
i now understand the matrix even more, i think i a steps ahead of anyone else on the planet at understanding the matrix

>> No.18700212

To the anon that suggested punpun the other day, fuck u. that shit was so sad. I loved it. I hadn't felt what love was like in a long time. Thank you.

>> No.18700254

The total net worth of the top 1% of americans is roughly $40 trillion according to https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/WFRBLT01026

There are roughly 144 million taxpayers in the US. If the wealth of the 1% were evenly distributed, that would give each taxpayer about $277,777.78

If you assume 7% returns from some mix of a whole market index fund / bond fund, and 2% inflation, the amount of money that could be withdrawn each year would be about 4.67% of the fund in perpetuity, or about $1080 (2021 dollars) per month.

This would of course, reduce the top 1% to the bottom, but they would receive the UBI as well, and if the social darwinists are correct, they ought to make it back to the top in no time.

>> No.18700291

>>18693265
>>18693271
thanks

>> No.18700450

>>18700449
>>18700449
>>18700449
new thread

>>
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