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/lit/ - Literature


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18762719 No.18762719 [Reply] [Original]

sound it out

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-format/
> Write a query
https://www.janefriedman.com/query-letters/
> Track your query
https://querytracker.net/

Other Resources
>General grammar/syntax/editing help
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html
> When/where/how should I write?
https://jamesclear.com/daily-routines-writers
> What software should I write with?
https://self-publishingschool.com/book-writing-software-best/
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200635650
> Be like Charles Dickens and write serially
https://www.royalroad.com/
> Basic overview of the Screenplay format
https://screenwriting.info/

>> No.18762727

>>18762719
130 thousand words and I'm still not done. I shudder to think what it will be like editing this down.

>> No.18762736
File: 624 KB, 1380x1604, E0A23356-5376-4DCA-B2E3-54746F706321.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18762736

>>18762719
>A as in aisle
Lmao what the fuck

>> No.18762758

Isn't it weird that the name Thomas is actually pronounced Tomas

>> No.18762957

His days were formless, without head or tail, they could start with the door of the house being slammed by his father as he left the house, as well as the damn noise of the motorcycle that, for some reason or another, was always careful to pass by his coloniam every day, at 3 in the morning.
Concepts like day and night only served to give him an idea of whether it was safe to go out on his supply expeditions. He painfully recalled an occasion when, with his mouth dry and his stomach upside down, he left the room with intentions of resolving his situation; not having seen the time, and already with a non-existent biological notion of it, he launched himself straight into the kitchen of the house, only to be surprised two minutes later by his mother, who was returning from work. Shame was there for an instant, but it was anger that ended up dictating his actions, as he began to frantically shout at her, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? LOOK AT THE TIME, YOU SHOULD BE AT WORK", having said that he looked at the clock and realized that his words were in the wrong. Once again he felt as if someone was carving broken glass into his chest, his already dry mouth turned to stone and his throat began to sting, he even swore to himself that he felt the slowly digesting scrap coming up with intentions of escaping, just as the crewmen did when they were informed that the ship they were on was unsalvageable; But Gregor stood his ground like a good captain, and swallowed the shit that had already even signed his resignation.
His mother tried to approach slowly, cautiously and with concern for her own safety, "Gregor, Mom had a very difficult day today, could you have the heart to hug him?" she whispered, almost as if she was dealing with a box full of nitroglycerin, which the sweat on Gregor's forehead resembled. As soon as she got close enough, the reptilian part of Gregor's brain immediately fired and he began his desperate attempt to escape, his legs failing, his steps frantic and erratic, he couldn't find a way out without getting close to her, he began tripping over himself and throwing everything his hands could find on the kitchen counter. His mother ended up with bruises all over her body, the shame was unbearable when he had to explain that the black eye was not the result of a failed marriage (which it was), but of a jar of peanut butter thrown with the force of the one who seemed to be fighting for his life. As soon as his mother fell down from everything that had been thrown at her, Gregor ran straight to his room, jumping over her and slamming into everything in his path, which was the entire dining room and living room. His mother looked around and could only think to herself that it looked like a plague had swept through her house.

1/2

>> No.18762965

>>18762957
There had been other situations where he had been caught by his lack of care and prevention, but this was the one he was least bothered to remember, as the adrenaline rush he felt from jumping on his fallen mother was so intoxicating that, when he reached his room, he began to laugh and shake, threw himself on the bed and rolled in it from side to side. His mind began to wander and before he knew it, he was daydreaming. He was a messenger carrying humanity's last hope but, in an unexpected twist of fate, a hired assassin had been sent to eliminate him. He threw an arsenal of various self-defense tools at him and evaded him, thus continuing his sacred mission.


2/2
Any criticsm is welcomed, I would love to read anything you have to say and your advice on how could I make this better and less stiff.

>> No.18762973
File: 3 KB, 188x83, Thomas.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18762973

>>18762758
No it fucking isn't. Where the fuck do you even get this shit? God, I fucking swear, no one here knows shit.

>> No.18763001

>>18762736
>E as in Eye

>> No.18763116
File: 26 KB, 408x286, 830703.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18763116

How to cope with being a hack

>> No.18763277

>>18763116
Embrace it.

>> No.18763278
File: 169 KB, 1600x900, nathan-pyle-abortion-controversy-twitter-post.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18763278

>>18762957
The tone seems to teeter uneasily between "whimsical" and "comically serious" and neither one is as clever or charming as you'd like them to be. It reads a bit as if you're writing for a high school English class, where you're aiming for several goals without achieving any harmony between them (great vocabulary! unique voice!).

Really the core issue seems to be that you're using really vague language as a substitute for humor, like that asshole with his annoying alien comics (pic related). If you want this to be amusing, I suggest you slow down a bit and commit fully to the joke. The encounter with the mother reads like you're worried the reader might confuse the narrator with the author so you try to distance yourself a bit with the whimsical tone I mentioned earlier. Instead try playing it deadly straight, and let the natural concern in the mother's attitude play off the anxious hostility of the narrator.

>> No.18763894

Looking for a prose critique.
Unnecessary background: Damon and Tiberius both love the same girl (Clara, who is currently very sick and Tiberius is taking care of her), but Tiberius has the advantage of knowing the girl since they were children. Both are kings from different countries and are not related. Damon fights an inferiority complex about his lineage and jealousy about Tiberius's closeness with Clara.

>"Why do you love her so much?" Damon said.
>It was a heartless accusation, and Tiberius saw the agony and desperation hidden below the cruelty: a stab at the better man, the better king who shined like the sun and had all the treasures and faculties desired by the lesser, a demand to know why the man with everything sought to rob the man who had no one. No- he had someone: a precious bird with a broken wing, now coddled in the hands of someone who knew her, rather than in the hands of someone who wished to know her more than anyone else. Tiberius drew himself up, standing for moment across from his brother, and even as he thought of any number of ways to explain, to deter, to confess or to blame, he found them all wanting, and he took one side of his robe in his hand and withdrew from the tent without a word.
>Damon's left hand eased off his sword. After a moment, he too went out.

>> No.18763902

>>18762973
>nigga unironically walking around saying: “THHAH-miss”

>> No.18763936
File: 90 KB, 422x647, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18763936

>>18762719
That's not the NATO phonetic alphabet tho

>> No.18764031

>>18763894
The imagery and rhythm is all decent, if a bit cliche, but in the middle it feels like a POV shift instead of Tiberius trying to see things from Damon's perspective. I got confused specifically at the line "No- he had someone" thinking the pronoun referred to Tiberius instead of Damon. The overuse of pronouns and nouns (a better man, a man who, someone who knew her, etc. etc.) muddles the entire thing in general.

>> No.18764085

>>18763902
>Being this much of a dumbass
Christ.

>> No.18764223
File: 163 KB, 303x566, 1611379954498.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764223

>Editing what I wrote
>Wonder what the fuck I was thinking

>> No.18764255

>>18763894
let's break it down.
>It was a heartless accusation, and Tiberius saw the agony and desperation hidden below the cruelty:
you start with heartless and end with cruelty, i think this makes the focus is redundant and the coherence broken. put 'below the cruely' after 'heartless', now the sentence follows the logic of the thought for me, heartless -> cruel -> agony -> desperation. i would change 'below' to 'beneath'.

>a stab at the better man, the better king who shined like the sun
i think you can come up with a better simile. even if this was free indirect speech and meant to be ironic i think you can come up with something more specific that still shows the character's lack of imagination. i think you also completely break the parallelism no good reason so it reads like a run-on.

>and had all the treasures and faculties desired by the lesser,
i thinks its fine to begin (or end) with abstractions but at some point i think you need to give us something concrete. 'treasures and faculties' to start.

> a demand to know why the man with everything sought to rob the man who had no one.
i think you could cut the last two parts and have a nice parallel structure: "a stab... a demand". man with everything vs. man who had no one is a good antithesis but why not make this structure parallel too? "who had everything".

>No- he had someone: a precious bird with a broken wing,
i think you can do better.

>now coddled in the hands of someone who knew her, rather than in the hands of someone who wished to know her more than anyone else.
i think coddled has a negative connotation and seems inappropriate here. it felt like too many abstractions. find le mot juste.

>Tiberius drew himself up,
thought this was stretched his legs tier, but fine.

standing for moment across from his brother,
this felt ugly and redundant. if he drew himself up he's already standing. this is the equivalent of inserting a title card in middle of a movie imo. you see somebody stand up and then the title card reads 'he stood across from his brother'. makes me want to throw popcorn at the screen.

>and even as he thought of any number of ways to explain, to deter, to confess or to blame,
confess and explain are too close in meaning imo, find another verb.

>he found them all wanting, and he took one side of his robe in his hand and withdrew from the tent without a word.
i think this is a run-on.

>Damon's left hand eased off his sword. After a moment, he too went out.
doesn't work for me unless you tell me he was gripping the sword in the first place, then there's suspense, a question in the my mind -- "is he gonna use the sword?". telling me at the end answers the question as soon as you ask it imo. also him just going out -- unless this is not the end of the scene -- is a poor way to end it i think. would be better imo to end on some image that captures damon's frame of mind or foreshadows something to come. something in the room, a memory, etc.

>> No.18764261

>>18763278
I was trying to portray that even the author is disgusted by the behaviour of the protagonist, that not even an objective entity likes the way he acts, but thanks for the observation and criticism. Anything I can actively and consciously do to get better?

>> No.18764269

How do I save this

Holographic humans in various shades danced across the floor. The engineers designed them off a variety of evolutionary biology theories. Youthful and vivacious, with stout figures that accentuated their perfect breasts and legs. Well-defined male versions had broad backs and muscular builds. They chose the forms based on the evolutionary theory that sexual attraction was about increasing the organism’s chances for survival via the successful propagation of one’s DNA. Women would therefore seek men who could provide for and protect the offspring. Genes attracted to weakness were rooted out by high infant mortality caused by starvation or predators. In men, large muscular builds meant a successful hunter-gatherer. Those who succeeded in the hunt would consume high-protein diets.
Theoretically, nature had established a predilection for women. A young and fertile woman would allow a savage to spread his genes successfully at a higher frequency, increasing the probability of further propagation of the genes. Five children with a fifty percent chance of survival with a young mate was better than two children with a thirty percent chance with an older one. After hundreds of years of selection, the brain must have evolved nerves more likely to select these beneficial traits, creating what the modern liberal would call sexual objectification. The designers could never agree on whether humanity had overcome these primordial foundations.

>> No.18764288

>>18763116
You don't.

>> No.18764357

>>18764085
Do you also enjoy the popular cartoon Thom and Jerry?

>> No.18764364

>>18764223
Good, if you can do that over and over again to the point where even a month can go by and you don't feel that about a previous edit, its probably a good thing.

>> No.18764372

What are some of your guys favorite short stories? Chekov's The Bet was pretty good. And Edna Ferber's The Gay Old Dog.

>> No.18764375

>>18764357
>Not knowing that tom is a shorthand name for Thomas
Jesus Christ.

>> No.18764513

>>18764031
>>18764255
Appreciate the feedback. It's not my usual style, but I want to try things like this more often.

>> No.18764597

i really want to shift point of view in a book im writing, but i dont know if this will be well received or if it is even wise to do so.
my main character begins his story as a naïve, spoiled, accidentally cruel, and extremely privileged person. its very common to go from innocence to wisdom, but i want that change to be jarring for the reader, i want it to be highlighted. right now my character sort of floats through his world, letting things happen to him and only reacting as much as is required for him to maintain his personal status quo of existence. soon, he will experience something horrifying, something so bizarre and out of touch with any reality he has ever known that he will be forced to adapt and will be given some level of extreme PTSD, to the point where his flaws go from being aimless, a benefactor of all, and stupid to obsessive, controlling, and goal-driven to the point of hurt for others around him.

my question is, would it be possible to go from third person present to first person present after this change? i want the reader to experience this ptsd, and i dont think my prose alone will suffice in this matter. i think i must bring them with me into his mind and show them the man behind the now very damaged machine.

pls respond and sorry for typing like a retard i really do not give a fuck on 4chan

>> No.18764608

>>18764597
Hmmm... why not? I don't see why it would be odd. Give it a shot!

>> No.18764611

>>18764597
>third person present to first person present
Stop reading there. Stick to one

>> No.18764616

>>18764608
>>18764611
you're giving me cognitive dissonance bc i see everyone on this site as an extension of my extremely schizo subconscious so please argue this out among myselves and get back to me thx
on a less retarded note:
>>18764611
why?

>> No.18764625

>>18764616
>why?
If you ask why, then that's enough from me.

>> No.18764634

>>18764616
What's your first page look like?

>> No.18764646

>>18764625
so you dont know why
even if im retarded and dont understand you lose nothing from offering me your explanation. please, help.
>>18764634
i shant be posting, i dont share work on here and never will, sorry

>> No.18764650

>>18764646
Why not? It is liberating!

>> No.18764660

>>18764650
im paranoid, mostly

>> No.18764687
File: 551 KB, 2000x2588, 1599936005924.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764687

>>18762719
>>18762736
>>18763936
>>18763001
Here's the original.

So many good ones in OP's shoop
>E = eye
>I = Ian
>W = why
>Y = you
>D = double-u
>O = Ouija

>> No.18764716

>>18764660
Anon, you write like shit and your ideas aren't original in the slightest. Ain't no one is going to steal your shit.

>> No.18764735

>>18764716
no im just paranoid broadly, i just want help with my idea
originality is for people who have something to offer the world, i simply wish to profit off my writing skills
i guess ill try it out and send it to a friend without telling him its there, just to get his raw reaction

>> No.18764740

YOUR IDEAS ARE SHIT, YOUR WRITING IS SHIT. I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT.

>> No.18764744

>May I come in? She gives her little head a quizzical tilt, and postures her small frame with all the politeness of a stray molly. It almost seems odd to see her fragile figure wielding a marred baseball bat.
>Please take off your shoes before you do, I say. It’s simply bad manners otherwise.
>That’s a little too late for that, isn’t it? Your doorway is quite a distance away.
>It is, but I like to keep my room clean.
>It seems rather cluttered, doesn’t it?
>Well, it’s not usually like this. I spurt out an excuse.
>Alrighty, then. She rests her tired bat on the door frame, and continues. Her hands reach for her cashmere boots, elegantly slipping her left foot out from it’s intricately binded laces. Almost hopping as she wrangles her foot from her other boot, she eventually gives up keeping her balance and simply bends down to untie her laces. Frustrated, her white socks quickly absorb the mulberry liquid that floods the corridor.
>Sorry about the mess. I felt a little bit embarrassed as the host.
>It’s alright. It’s partially my fault, anyways.
>Her toes dance awkwardly in the icky slosh. I peep over her frame, and see a rotting lump of something lying outside my parent’s bedroom. Whatever it was, it’s silhouette had been disassembled in its entirety by a horrific sort of inhumane savagery. It smells putrid.
>Doesn’t it? She smiles, with a coy grin.

Looking for critique, especially in regards to style and such. I want to write better, really. Would be happy to post the whole Google doc if anyone is interested.

>> No.18764747
File: 7 KB, 320x180, taffer121013-600.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764747

>>18764740
Shit forgot photo

>> No.18764758

>>18764735
No such thing as originality. Everything is derivative.

>> No.18764890
File: 74 KB, 958x358, Screen Shot 2021-08-01 at 5.20.51 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764890

Should I go through with these changes my editor made (delete underlined portions, add pink lines)? I thought some sex scenes was a good thing.

>> No.18764915
File: 50 KB, 645x973, 6ca.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764915

>you can't write in the passive voice? What are you thinking!?

>> No.18764925
File: 134 KB, 974x998, 10d.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18764925

>my unpublished English professor who never writes told me the passive voice is against the rules!

>> No.18764981

>>18764890
>her breasts ascended

>> No.18765068

>>18764981
lol ok if that's how the audience will react, I'll remove it.

>> No.18765083

>>18764744
Okay.
1. Molly, I have no idea what this is, and google just tells me its a sort of drug. You may want to replace this, as I don't think too many people are going to get the comparison.
2. Second, atleast in english writing, quotation marks such as "blah blah blah" are usually used to designate speech (and quotation). I would advise you use them. An example from your passage could be,
> "Doesn't it?" She smiles, with a coy grin.
This would also make the beginning much easier to parse.
3. You have a somewhat awkward way of writing, and you don't seem to be using past tense
For example "Her toes dance awkwardly in the icky slosh". While this does work, it may be better to write
>"Her toes danced awkwardly in the icky slosh"
And some more
"I peep over her frame, and see" to "I peeped over her frame, and saw a"

>> No.18765094

>>18765068
I think some people will find it alright, but I do think it's a funny way to put it that isn't particularly erotic. I do get the imagery of uh what the breasts are doing, though.

I think the first part your editor crossed out just seemed more like lengthy fluff that wasn't all that arousing desu. Your editor made a good call there, but I don't like his suggested change either honestly.

>> No.18765106

>>18765094
I am not offended btw Does it need to be erotic?

>> No.18765109

>>18765083
Oh, let me edit this, your entire writing isn't awkward, it isn't that. But It's mostly the parts in which you don't use past tense.
Also of course, there could be more show, but that might just be a personal writing style.

>> No.18765116

>>18765083
A molly is a stray cat, I didn't know it wasn't common slang anymore honestly.
I intentionally left out quotation marks, for plot reasons that I'd reveal afterwards. If it does make it very awkward to read though, I'll change it up.
3. I like writing like this way, since I do enjoy the "feeling" it gives but honestly if it's doing more harm then good I'll probably find a different way to phrase it, or use past tense normally.
>>18765109
That's understandable

Thank you very much for your comments eitherways! I'll take your suggestions into consideration for sure.

>> No.18765119

>>18765106
I was going more for romantic so the audience would care for the characters more

>> No.18765138

>>18765106
This does seem like an intimate scene, so i guess a little eroticism might work?
>>18765119
Honestly speaking it seems more erotic then romantic, but it's hard to capture their romance in a paragraph like this, anyways. I don't think something that's erotic isn't necessarily romantic, and in fact I'd feel if it the scene was more erotic I'd be able to get a feeling of the chemistry between the two better.

>> No.18765148

>>18764915
>>18764925
>Wojack posting

>> No.18765152

>>18765138
>more erotic
huh, I'd need examples to help with that

>> No.18765183

>>18765152
Don't really have any I can give you off hand, sorry...

>> No.18765295
File: 409 KB, 1582x1263, 1506389570575.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18765295

How do I stop feeling like characterization(the shit like backstory and tastes/opinions on things) isn't just checking off a list of "make sure they're a real person and not just filling the role you need them to"?

>> No.18765299
File: 7 KB, 205x246, 1506568052088.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18765299

>>18765148
>calling basedjack wojack

>> No.18765329

Should I change the beginning of my novel to avoid coming too close to a cliche?
The second paragraph is the protagonist getting up in the morning. This is because it's a major plot point established in the first paragraph that his coffee is poisoned.

>> No.18765355

>>18765299
No Wojack is based.

>> No.18765363

>>18765355
excuse me,
>soijack

>> No.18765425

>normally write 500 words in a few hours
>just now sat and wrote 109 in a few minutes while being sure it's good
bros is this the night? is this the night of peak writing?

>> No.18765437

>>18765329
Jason if you literally can't figure out the first page yourself then you need to go find a different hobby.

>> No.18765438

>>18765329
Does your protagonist also run to school with a piece of toast in his mouth

>> No.18765443
File: 12 KB, 194x259, 4id.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18765443

>Show, don't tell!

>> No.18765451
File: 316 KB, 792x832, 6e5.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18765451

>>18765148

>> No.18765452

>>18765443
incomprehensibly based

But actually people who say this have never read Proust

>> No.18765459

>>18764372
I actually quite enjoyed Wish Mountain anon's short story set about colonists going into space. It was something of a mystery. When he soft finished it, he mentioned he would rewrite it so it was better and then deleted the fiction somewhere down the line. What a shame, it had a pretty good twist too I think.

>>18764597
>would it be possible to go from third person present to first person present after this change?
Is it possible? Yes. Should you actually do it? Hard no, but you said you wanted to make your reader as jarred as possible, so yes, go for it I suppose.

>> No.18765463

My mouth tasted like stale milk and coffee. It was as if my tongue could taste the roof of my mouth, which could in turn taste my tongue, both of which tasted repulsive to one another. Feeling restless after aimlessly clicking boredly while staring at the monitor with a blank face, I finally decided to get up to brush my teeth. Then? Well, I did a big poo of course!! HAAHAAHA!!!! BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now.... BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite..... BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

>> No.18765469

>>18765437
Seek help.

>> No.18765478

Why is it so difficult to write if I haven't slept enough
I can't focus at all and get frustrated
Do I just force myself through it?

>> No.18765483

>>18764375
No one pronounces thomas like "thoughm ass"

>> No.18765489

>>18765483
Yeah, just shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about.

>> No.18765496

>>18765489
I bet you're foreign. You're foreign and queer, aren't you? I bet you kiss other boys real good, queer.

>> No.18765500

>>18765437
Rent free

>> No.18765504

>>18765496
Rent free

>> No.18765509

>>18765504
I expect you to PAY your rent, foreign bastard. We bust our asses protecting GLOBAL freedom and that includes you, cakeboy. You pay your dues or get the fuck out of my country--All of your faggot ass countries are my country.

>> No.18765511

>>18765509
Rent free

>> No.18765524

>>18765438
My protagonist is a 48 year old private detective.

>> No.18765552

>>18765524
not that anon but
even more of a better idea

>> No.18765589

The army soldier shot his gun at the enemy. The enemy died. Then, more enemies came. The army soldier continued to fire, and got them all. After they were all dead, he planted his American flag on top of the mountain and yelled out like Tarzan while beating his chest.
"Area secured. LZ is primed and ready for landing, over!" he exclaimed proudly into his walkie talkie.
"Roger that, 2B8 Foxtrot Delta, big bird is coming in hot, Alpha Gamma Beta Delta 379 sky hawk black hawk Delta command out, over," replied the captain of the helicopter.
The helicopter came into sight just over the horizon, appearing at first to Bronson as a black dot slowly enlarging and rising above the horizon. He could hear a soft repeating low banging noise as the blades cut through the air, sending their sound through the valley. Bronson began to pee his pants in excitement. He fired several shots into the air in celebration while smiling, his arms raised above his head with his eyes fixed on the helicopter.

>> No.18765592

>>18765589
Now this is telling

>> No.18765597

>>18765589
>The army soldier shot his gun at the enemy. The enemy died.
That might be the most generic sentence possible

>> No.18765613

>>18765509
The fuck is your problem? Why are you getting all defensive?

>> No.18765621

I wonder if I am going to burn myself out easier with my current writing project as it is going to be covering a lot of topics that draw from my own negative experiences that affect me to this day? Or, who knows, maybe it will be good and free therapy.

>> No.18765696

>WELCOME TO EFFONTERRE, a post-industrial town in the climate haven of Upstate New York, home to trees, alcoholism, decaying factories and the Triplet Rivers mall. Effonterre was once the nations 3rd leading producer of steel, but not a soul would guess so looking at what the town has since deteriorated to. This little town would become plastered all over social media and national television within a few short days.
>The Triplet Rivers mall had been slowly dying since the financial crisis of ‘08, but it is still the hottest place to shop in a 50 mile radius. The decline was accelerated by The Decade of Pandemics. Sears, Macy’s, JcPenney, and most of the retail giants expected to be in every mall across the nation have vanished in the past decade. Despite it’s lameness, it is still a hangout for bored families to take a stroll on the weekends, rarely buying anything and contributing to the economy, due to both their financial situations and that there is little of interest to the people in the remaining stores that were clinging on for dear life.
>The last remaining corporate giant of the mall was Best Buy. Kids loved to play with the display laptops and phones of which their parents couldn’t afford to get them for holidays or birthdays, nor could they gather the allowance. Due to over-mining and planned obsolescence, the rare earth materials necessary to create such technological marvels are in a critical shortage. The cheapest one could get a low-end laptop that is barely usable for anything but browsing the internet, was $2475.

what does /lit/ think, i'm new to writing so i really don't know if i'm shit at it and wasting my time or not. I have about 1200 words written so far, i just posted the beginning. I don't know if I should turn it into a short story or worldbuild and keep going at it until it's novel length.

>> No.18765718

>>18765425
Yes. Assuming it's good and not bad.

>> No.18765728

>>18765589
this is literature

>> No.18765750

>>18765329
>This is because it's a major plot point established in the first paragraph that his coffee is poisoned.
You should skip the whole getting up routine. Establish the coffee is poisoned in the first paragraph and then spend a little bit having him almost drink the coffee. This keep side tracking him. Phone rings, doorbell goes off, he's watching the telly and something catches his eye, is cat knocks it off the table so he has to pour himself a new (also poisoned) cup. Play with the reader for a bit and then have him drink the poisoned coffee.

>> No.18765753

>>18765524
do we seriously not have fucking enough of these shitty novels? why do people write more of the same shit that has been written 100 times?

>> No.18765756

>>18765696
This speculative urban decay angle is great, keep on it, lad.

>> No.18765762

>>18765753
>>18765524
I agree with >>18765753, he should be a 47 year old private detective to help relate to the kids.

>> No.18765767

>>18765762
47 year old pirate detective*

>> No.18765773

>>18765767
kino`

>> No.18765907

>>18764261
I would suggest that you take a look at the old tendie greentext stories, way back in the archives if you can find them. They were incredibly outrageous and so obviously absurd that they could only be jokes, and yet there was always one anon would be like "this is disgusting! you should be ashamed of yourself!" So you have to expect that almost anything you write will be misinterpreted. And in fact, showing something bad and being a little too critical about it is kind of suspect in and of itself, like if Nabokov had filled Lolita with little asides pointing out that he, Nabokov the author, definitely wasn't a pedophile.

But anyway, your excerpt is too overwritten to actually be funny. You tell us like four times in one paragraph that Gregor doesn't pay attention to the time. I think this is where a lot of the repetitiveness comes from, you keep restating the same ideas with different words.

Here's the one good joke I found:
>His mother ended up with bruises all over her body, the shame was unbearable when he had to explain that the black eye was not the result of a failed marriage (which it was)
And the reason this works is because you allow the reader to make the logical jump themselves: the failed marriage resulted in a dysfunctional son, who threw a jar of peanut butter at his mom. If it had been written like the rest, it would have been more like "was not the result of a failed marriage (which it was, considering that Gregor's dysfunction could rather be explained in terms relating to the mismatch in temperaments between his mother and father; hers being rather doting to the extreme, engendering in Gregor an extreme sensitivity and his, that is to say the father's, being rather intense, and as such engendering in young dear Gregor a rather astute and peculiar fear of authority, thusly in turn bringing us to this -ahem- [how shall we say?] rather embarrassing turn of events).

I'm exaggerating a bit about your prose but your writing style is pretty tedious and it tends to undercut whatever mood or emotion you were hoping to cultivate. Just have a bit more faith in the reader. Also, are you ESL? You seem to mix up pronouns a lot.

>> No.18765939

>>18765696
Surprisingly good for a new writer. There's a reason why people don't begin with directionless descriptions of scenery though - it's boring to read. Even moreso that it's an infodump - I was incredibly bored past the first paragraph. Never infodump and start your stories with a meaningful conflict that readers will be vested in. Even if it's a person trying to find a bottle of water cause he's dying of thirst, that works. Have him stroll through Effonterre and talk about all this while he's searching for water.

>> No.18765945
File: 21 KB, 728x378, Dean-Winchester-crying-tears-pic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18765945

>>18765589
>Then, more enemies came. The army soldier continued to fire, and got them all. After they were all dead, he planted his American flag on top of the mountain and yelled out like Tarzan while beating his chest.
Holy frisson. C'est magnifique

>> No.18766017

>>18765750
I already have something similar set up. There are several bottles of what is basically coffee (without going into details it's a sci-fi setting) and the poison doesn't come into play that day. The scene of him waking up is mainly focused on a friend arriving with a job, while establishing some details about the world and that it's only a matter of time before he drinks the poison.
I'd post the sequence itself instead of explaining it this way, but my home internet is acting up and I'm stuck phoneposting.

>> No.18766068

>>18766017
Fair enough. I still would suggest skipping the whole getting up portion because the only thing it lends itself to is worldbuilding and other non page 1 essentials. Obviously you will have that stuff, but the first 500 words of the novel exists to grab the reader's attention. This isn't a film where you can have some zooming doodad noisily assault the audience in the first scene. Readers care about characters and motivations first and foremost. Background scifi stuff is great later on, once that has been established.
If the catalyst is the friend arriving with the job, the friend should be knocking on the door asap.

>> No.18766127

>>18766068
That's how I have it now, the knocking is what wakes the protagonist. While he goes through his morning routine the two talk about the job. I read somewhere that its important when mixing genres to establish them early so it doesn't feel forced to the reader. I figured this would be a good way to show that the story is equal parts sci-fi and hardboiled noir right from the beginning while also jumping right into the plot.

>> No.18766168

>>18766127
You said the guy was a detective, right? Why wouldn't the friend be knocking on his office door, instead, with the guy asleep at his desk, bottle of whisky equivalent out, cap off, sitting right on it? Or on a couch in his office in yesterday's clothes. In both cases you're establishing that the MC is a bit of an untrustworthy layabout. Is it because he works from home? But in that case why isn't this a vidscreen call that wakes him up? Why the in person meeting in a, presumably, more high tech civilization. I guess what I'm saying is having the character starting off in bed seems like such an overdone, lazy cliche that if I were you I'd do anything to avoid it.

>> No.18766265

>>18766168
He does work from home, he's a fairly disciplined former military man, and the planet is a backwater mining colony with unreliable communications due to ambient radiation. I want to avoid the cliche. Figuring out how is where I'm stuck.

>> No.18766294

>>18765756
>>18765939
thanks bros

>> No.18766339

>>18766265
>Figuring out how is where I'm stuck
Have him literally answer the door when the guy knocks. Its not hard. By having him still in bed and woken up you are making him seem undisciplined. Have him in the middle of making breakfast if you want that homey feel. But in order to avoid the cliche you just simply don't do it. Is he was a paraplegic I could see how you'd have difficulty with the whole starting in bed routine, but if not its pretty damn easy.

>> No.18766374

>>18766339
Wouldn't it be a bit abrupt going straight from him being asleep while the poisoner breaks in to him being awake and going about his day? I was planning on having him have been awake a few days straight working on another case to explain his sleeping through the break in and to give more attention to the coffee by having him note that he's going through his supply faster in order to take on the new job, but I can change that much easier than other things that are more plot relevant later on.

>> No.18766423

>>18766374
Since you're going with what seems to be 3rd person omniscient - because the audience knows the coffee is poisoned but he doesn't - why start with a single paragraph break in showing whoever poisoning the coffee. Which, again, doesn't make sense to have someone break in and poison his coffee when they could just break in and break his fucking skull while he's asleep.

So far as I understand it your plot is: guy's friend comes in with a new job. And the guy's coffee was already poisoned at some point in the past - but that doesn't actually have any relevance to what is happening now because he isn't going to even drink it in the first scene. So, I have to ask, why tell the reader the coffee is poisoned if its not plot relevant at that moment? Maybe indicate he just bought a new bag of coffee in order to make it clear to the reader later on down line that the coffee being poisoned isn't related to the new case at all? I don't see how the coffee being poisoned is relevant in your opening scene.

>> No.18766451

>>18762719
i know its shit but im extremely new to writing

>Two men walked into the crowded house. They were both dressed in black suits and black ties. They both had those silver rolex watches with the blue watch face. Their expensive suits and jewelry looked out of place in the room full of drunken partiers that surrounded them.
They weren't there to party, they were there for business and this is where they were told to meet. They walked up to the bar and sat down on the stools, the man on the left looked at his accomplice and asked in a concerned tone
“Do you think this is the right place, i mean were supposed to be doing serious buisness with this guy and he tells us to meet at some fuckin party, i hope he knows who hes messing with ”

The other man scooted closer and looked him right in the eyes and said to him in a hushed but angry tone
“lower your fucking voice before some one hears us, im sure its fine, and besides he knows better then to fuck with us like that,
He then opened up his suit coat revealing the silver revolver tucked in the waistband of his pants.Just as he was finishing showing his friend the gun a man taped him the shoulder and said in a low and serious tone
“Follow me”
They got up without question and followed the man through the crowd of partiers until they reached a staircase, there guide stopped at the bottom and turned around
“Go to the top turn right and follow the hallway until you reach the door at the very end, he’ll be waiting for you in there
They followed his instructions but as they were approaching the door at they end of the hallway they heard a voice coming from the other side
“And make sure you hit them in the head i don't want to take any chances,wait what was that noise, shhh i think thats them, the two men in black suits looked at each other the second there eyes met they both new what to do no words were spoken but a plan had already been made.
They both reached for there guns and walked through the door.
As they entered they saw three men two body guards and a short mexican man by the name of jesus, the man they were supposed to buy the cocaine from. The two men in suits walked in guns drawn and ready to kill anything with a pulse, they set there sights on the body guards and fired, one dropped dead instantly the other got hit in the shoulder and dropped his gun the man between the two, jesus, dived to the floor and started scrambling for a weapon

>> No.18766467

>>18765443
>>18765451
>>18764915
>>18764925
God, you fucks ruin all threads with these images.

>> No.18766495

>>18766423
It's the main mystery of the book, convoluted and explained in the third act.
The night before the opening the MC's friend finds out about the job, a wealthy woman has had some jewelry with sentimental value stolen and he convinces her husband to hire the MC.
In truth the jewelry was not stolen, the woman used it as a bribe to smuggle dangerous radioactive materials through her husband's shipping company. So she has to kill the MC to make sure he doesn't uncover her crimes in his investigation. She quickly disguises herself and sneaks to his home to poison him, intentionally being caught on video from a nearby building to establish when the poisoning was done.
The coffee is the only thing that will hide the taste of the poison. She doesn't know which bottle he'll drink first, but he will definitely get to the poisoned one before he can get far in his investigation.
When he finds evidence that the assassination attempt happened before he even knew about the job he assumes it was because of an old grudge. I WANT the reader to think it's not related to the current case, just like you have, in order to have the twists and turns you get in a Mike Hammer novel.

>> No.18766508

>>18766495
I've had too much to drink tonight. She wants the police to think the poisoning was related to an old grudge, I'm the one who wants the MC to think the same.

>> No.18766511

>>18766495
okay. I don't see why the audience should see/know about the break in during the opener. Maybe mention that his new thing of coffee is now open or out of place in the first couple paragraphs, really lampshade it, have him get puzzled by it, and then have the doorbell ring and its the guy with the job.

>> No.18766536

>>18765939
actually i'm really unsure how to this, my original plan was kind of having the first chapter being scene setting and then jumping into the actual story, but I do agree that it is kind of boring, however I'm unsure how to incorporate any characters and stories into this yet. I thank you for your feedback. The main character is going to be a worker at a liquor store who loses their shit. I just posted the first three paragraphs, when I already had wrote 11 more and a half paragraphs. also not sure if i'm making them too short or not but I'm just kind of basing my formating off of books I've read.

If you want to read what I've got : https://docdro.id/KPqHcwM

>> No.18766542

>>18766511
It may just be something I'm overly attached to since the poisoning scene was where the idea for the book started. It may also be worth noting that the wait for someone to drink the poison isn't a long, drawn out thing. His friend drinks it at the end of the first chapter. Again going back to the Mike Hammer influence, the reason for him investigating is personal instead of because of being hired. I was actually planning on some irony by making him initially turn down the job, with him only investigating and uncovering the woman as a result of her efforts to stop him.
Either way, I'm going to sleep on it and try out some of these suggestions in the morning. Thanks.

>> No.18766569

>>18766542
>His friend drinks it at the end of the first chapter
well that little tidbit changed goddamn everything. Well, maybe not. Why not just have it a mystery how the coffee got poisoned? You'd figure he'd assume it was poisoned at the store where he got it so he'd go there first, raise some hell, make some accusations, chase some dead end leads, only to later discover someone actually broke into his home.

>> No.18766572

>>18765907
Yeah, I write in spanish, anon. I usually don't have much trouble with english in general, but I pass the text through DeepL Translate because I just don't have the time to translate it myself. After that I read it a few times to spot errors in, as you said, in pronouns and mullets, but I just lack the time to make it 100% precise.
I'll try to write it again taking to into consideration the things you said, cutting the hostility from the narrator, I truly apreciate it.
Hopefully I'll have time to do it tomorrow, so I would like it if you could check it again and give your opinion again.

>> No.18766621

>>18766569
A big part of it was wanting to hook the reader with someone attempting to kill the main character right away, the final line of the first paragraph being the poisoner's thought that he'll be dead within a week. I do have him chasing dead ends, like I said with him assuming it was because of an old grudge. I use that to introduce a criminal character who serves as a source of information later, and send him through the local underworld picking up information that seems irrelevant but ends up connecting to the smuggling operation later. When he hear that another investigator who picked up the case is killed at the end of the first act he goes back to the stolen jewelry case and realizes it's the reason for the attempt on his life.

>> No.18766663

my story features a military coup in the USA after the events of chapter 2. it's a major background event that shapes the rest of the story, but otherwise the coup itself and the people involved play no direct role; so having said that, how much detail would be necessary to give the reader about the event? is it okay to gloss over it with maybe a paragraph or two of detail, or is it something that would deserve dialogue and a proper mini-arc, with some of the characters mentioned and/or reintroduced later on?

>> No.18766691

>>18766663
I'd say focus on it only insofar as it affects the main characters. Let the reader know what they hear about it, how it changes their day to day, and their thoughts on the events.

>> No.18766706

>>18766621
That sounds fine. To go back to your previous issue about having the mc wake up vs having the mc answer the door - there is functionally no difference. Actually, if anything, right after that scene break with the person thinking he'd be dead within the week, have the mc grabbing that poisoned coffee jug and have him interrupted by a knock on the door. Then later in the chapter ofc he actually makes it and the friend dies.

>> No.18766741

>>18766663
I was planning on something simillar but it's in a fictionalized setting. I was going to do something like have it mentioned as something in passing in the form of a news report, and then slowly have other characters make passing comments on it until its consequences becomes a primal focus in the story.

>> No.18767010

god dammit /wg/, I don't have the endurance to write 500 words a night anymore. That was supposed to be a small, reasonable goal, and I'm ever more angry at myself for it because I know being frustrated with myself doesn't make me work harder, it just makes me burn out

>> No.18767017

>>18767010
Nice blogpost

>> No.18767019

>>18767010
Wait a minute, I don't remember making this post...

>> No.18767020

1/2
>Generally speaking, when you drop a brick on a frog, it dies. It bursts like a little blood-filled balloon, and it’s guts go flying out as if you’ve just squished an olive. It would leave a brownish-red splatter on the pavement, and its bits would be lying around all over. After a bit, it would start to smell really bad, but then it wouldn’t because it would dry up under the tropical heat.
>This frog was weird. I didn’t miss, and it wasn’t dead. Something peculiar happened to the frog, instead. It had become stuck to the brick, and it looked like a rather unfortunate tortoise. He tried to hop away with the brick on his back, but he couldn’t because I’d imagine a brick is rather heavy for a frog to hop around with. He let out a very irritated ribbit, and used its scrawny little limbs to drag itself away towards a nearby patch of grass. Clearly, he wasn’t very pleased.
>Who would be so cruel as to start fusing frogs with bricks? It might’ve seemed that I was at fault for dropping the brick on the frogs, but frogs aren’t supposed to live after a brick is dropped on them. That’s just how it sort of always worked. Typically I’d feel sorry for the frog, because it took all that effort growing from a little tadpole to a whole frog, (I’d imagine it takes quite a bit of effort to eat to grow so big), but this one just made me feel gross because it was so abnormal.
>It might be wrong to just say that this frog was the only abnormal one, though. I’ve noticed for quite a period of time now. Everything and everyone is weird and abnormal. And I wasn’t thinking about just myself either, though everybody does happen to think I’m not normal. I looked the same as those people as well, but my friend didn’t. My friend had eyes and ears and a mouth and nose like the others, but apparently he wasn’t real. Oh, and he also has six eyes, three ears and four mouths (they weren’t always all on my friend's face). People thought that wasn’t very normal, either. Though he did just have one nose.
>The frog left behind a trail of slime on the gravel pavement as he forced himself towards safety, where it would’ve previously blended in nicely amidst the green of the grass patch as a little green froggy. It just looked like a frog with a brick on it now though, so you could definitely spot him very easily. I dip my finger into his mucus trail, and give it a whiff. It smelt normal, like a fish that a fisherman forgot to take off his boat and left to rot for a couple of days. I licked my finger to see if it tasted normal too.

>> No.18767027

2/2
>You’re likely tasting more pavement than frog.
>“Go away, friend. People would think it’s weird if I talk to you like this.” Obviously I was rather irritated, since my friend knew that other people would find it concerning as well.
>Come on now, is that how you treat your friend? You’d talk to your friend if they talked to you.
>“Surely I would, if they were real.” It would be rude otherwise, wouldn’t it?
>I’m as real as you are.
>“You don’t even have a name. Real people have names.”
>I suppose.
>It did taste like a normal frog. I knew what frogs tasted like, after all. Frog leg porridge is my favourite. People always say it tastes like chicken, but it tastes more like fish to me.
>How awfully convenient, for frog to be your favourite.
>“Go away, friend. I’ll talk to you later when we’re back home.”
>Alright.

Any thoughts or criticism is welcomed

>> No.18767190

>>18767027
Way better than most the stuff I read on this general. Fresh, unique voice and writing style that screams personality. Probably a mentally disturbed personality. Topic is interesting and kept me wanting to read more despite it being about a frog and a brick.

This snippet isn't perfect, of course. Imaginary friend and main character have pretty much the exact same style of speaking (dignified but naive, like a polite child laborer in 1890 England). That might be the point but I found it strange to read (might just be a personal preference though - I didn't think it was too off-putting)
>He tried to hop away with the brick on his back, but he couldn’t because I’d imagine a brick is rather heavy for a frog to hop around with.
Flow is kind of awkward to me between the two clauses. How about "but he couldn't. Why? Because, as I'd imagine, a brick is rather heavy for a frog to hop..."
>Oh, and he also has six eyes, three ears and four mouths (they weren’t always all on my friend's face).
I didn't care for this line.
>I dip my finger into his mucus trail, and give it a whiff.
Incorrect comma usage; in general you have a lot of misuses.
>It smelt normal, like a fish that a fisherman forgot to take off his boat and left to rot for a couple of days.
"It smelt normal" screams "awkward" more than "personality" here, if you get what I'm trying to say. Maybe remove "for a couple of days".

>> No.18767195

/wg/ really turned into a hugbox

>> No.18767221

>>18767195
you really could not be further from the truth

>> No.18767225

>>18767190
Thanks for the feedback, I'll try to clean it up

>> No.18767271
File: 3.48 MB, 3213x1791, fix-cliche.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18767271

>>18767010
Post your shit here, take some punches, work with it and it will inspire you. It is a LOT of fun to get called out on your shit and then make attempts to smooth it out!
>got called out on cliche
Immediately I got to work figuring out how to get around it. The exercises people's critique on here give you is like a boot camp for your writing. A great gladiator arena, if you have a chink in your armour, this place will find it and exploit it. If you write, you need to have some friction to keep the scab from healing over. Keep bleeding on those pages!

Can you tell me if you like my /lit/ inspired re-write of my opener?

>> No.18767290

>>18767271
Which one is the rewrite my dude

>> No.18767311

>>18767290
If you read them, it's easy to figure out, one is completely new text.(the left)

>> No.18767470

I'm kind of in a mental rut when it comes to writing, I can only bear to write when I have a really good idea that I want to express which is almost never.

Are there any books or writing regimes that would break my cycle and the way I look at writing to allow me to "just write" something every day, to illuminate the fundamentals of writing, to see stories as their basic elements to be arranged, twisted, rearranged, to write without inspiration, to analyze existing stories, to find inspiration and learn how to be creative and original etc, or am I just doomed.

I'm more interested in storytelling and dialogue than prose since I want to write for comics, games, videos etc.

>> No.18767496

>>18767470
I'm in the same boat, and I do prefer scriptwriting as well. (I hope to work in the industry one day.)
I've been starting to write whenever something that's half decent comes to mind, and executing upon it till I can't bear to any longer. After that, I read through it and think if it would've ever been any good, then I delete the file. Sometimes, I'd let a friend read it if I felt it was particularly decent, and I'd taken in mind their comments from there.

>> No.18767588

Writing requires a certain amount of arrogance, because you're essentially saying "people should waste their time reading my thoughts and potentially being influenced by them"

>> No.18767590

How do you write dialogue well? What makes dialogue good?
>inb4 study real people or write like you talk
I'm an autist.

>> No.18767706

>>18767588
As a bona fide genius, I absolutely believe this.

>> No.18767708

>>18767590
Watch Tarantino.

>> No.18768057

Does anyone know where I could publish a few political/philosophical essais?
I have one ready that is somewhat about fandoms so I thought about publishing it on AO3, but I'll probably have 0 audience there since the website is mostly fiction and fandom-specific works

I don't want a "potentially big" audience but I want some readers who will actually think about what I wrote

>> No.18768099

>>18768057
unironically reddit

>> No.18768204

>>18768099
well reddit is probably the last place I'd post something like this (and I'm pretty sure it's a bit too long for reddit) plus is there really subreddits dedicated on this?

>> No.18768208
File: 6 KB, 225x225, Beard King.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18768208

Yes, I'm done now. I was never going to become the next Faulkner, the next Nabokov or the next Joyce, but I hid behind the language barrier to avoid criticism for months, maintaining an illusion that was fun to live in while it lasted. I had thought my country's education system to be topmost in the world, but this turned out to be utter bollocks. A child of 18, a person ten years my junior, has a greater vocabulary than I, who had to look up the word “topiary”, and no one likes the expression theory of art anymore, I am likened to a long lost dinosaur.
This will be my final post on /lit/. I've been humiliated and exposed as a fraud. My writing is pretentious, infantile, banal drivel. My observations are dull, my language grade school level. My tenses are mixed up; I use colloquialisms, ellipses and onomatopoeia. I mix tired and trite idioms together to obfuscate their unoriginality with a veneer of irony; I have continued to recite ornate Jewish chimpanzee parables with diminishing returns. The parable seemed very clearly to me to be asking me whether or not the now-grown-adult can choose. I say yes, of course, but that's not my issue.
I was never cut out for writing. I began writing my "book" on January 6th. Since then I've produced 131 thousand words for it. These words are a tide of garbage without value, without insight, without form. The themes of time, space, infinity, memory and pointless duelling are not present in my work. It was never real writing, it was anime and weebshit!
Story arcs, character arcs, narrative arcs, these are all outdated terms. You say what you hear, and only the anime fandom uses the term “arc” anymore. I am a toad! Look how many words I wrote, because apparently literature is bodybuilding and just aimlessly typing will somehow improve my writing. My appetites grew as I wrote, I set a goal of a 100 thousand words when I began, only for the cancerous growth to demand a 137 thousand words soon enough to be completed, and still I don't even know what genre it is that I'm writing. Is it autofiction? A comedy? A picaresque? Am I merely shitposting edgelord-triggering diarrhea in neo-emo gothic revivalist gestalt?
Regardless, I have failed, and even in my failure I have merely imitated how people who think they write well but write poorly write, and I couldn't even do that well. "Oh I can do that anytime if I wanted to" I thought, but no. I have put down my pen. Never again will my fingers click-clack across the keyboard. No more outlines, no more characters. Goodbye. I will take my own advice and go to the rope. Why live if you can't be a great writer, or even a passable one? And why write at all, anyway, if no one is reading anymore and Harold Bloom isn't around to insert us into the Canon? Learn from me! Learn from me!

>> No.18768211

>>18768204
Post it here. Let us be the first to shit on it.

>> No.18768219

>>18768211
maybe sometimes

>> No.18768248

>>18768057
>Essais
It's spelled "essays", frenchie.

>Political/philosophical essays somewhat about fandoms
Get a load of this fucking fag lmao.

>> No.18768257

>>18768248
>frenchie
>fag
why are you even surprised vro
it's not really about fandoms but rather something I've noticed in discussion about fictional works, mostly on /co/ and /a/

>> No.18768394

>>18767590
>i’m an autist
>i wanna write good dialogue

If you’re really autistic you should not make hood dialogue a priority. Tarantino’s claimed autism is not of any severe kind and i highly doubt he is really autistic but rather on the normal side of the spectrum. Inflation of diagnoses is fucking the world up. That said: if you are really autistic, what you are asking for is the same as a color blind person asking ”how do i paint realistic colors?”
No matter how people describe the colors to that person, all they will understand is ”this gray is different from that grey”
Just be ok with skipping dialogue, or have someone else help you. This will never be your strong side.

>> No.18768432

>>18765295
I tend to imagine the role I need a character to play and work backwards, inventing the character as I go. As in, consider the situation and the character's actions in said situation. What type of person would act this way? What are their motives? What are the forces acting upon this character? I find that it is easier to accomplish this by attacking the problem by considering the psychology of a character first, rather than their story. The other way around, it feels like a character's backstory is perfectly moulded for them to be evil for example - which makes them feel empty and constructed. The psychological approach makes for more human characters.

I doubt this makes any sense, but I hope it helps!

>> No.18768447
File: 1.20 MB, 3300x1600, brainmax exploring the deepest thoughts.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18768447

How do you choose the first line?

>> No.18768460

>>18768447
You write the first chapter, then cut the first 10% out. Whatever line is first now is the first thing you wrote that has any meaning.
Warning: I don't know what I'm talking about

>> No.18768474

>>18768394
Not him but I'm severely autistic and I believe I write good dialogue. I spend my whole life studying people and the way they socialise, BECAUSE I have autism
Autism comes in various forms. You can absolutely train yourself understand socialisation well from an observer's point of view
It also depends on what dialogue you are writing specifically in what context and what you are trying to achieve

>> No.18768482

>>18768394
Oh and by the way
>Just be ok with skipping dialogue, or have someone else help you. This will never be your strong side.
Just fuck you

>> No.18768484

>>18768447
write a three lines and then cross out the first two.

>> No.18768500

Blood gathered in Nasir’s palm as he cupped his mouth. He inhaled the musty station air through trembling fingers. The boys kicked him a few more times before racing out into the cold street. He cried but restrained his voice so as not to disturb the men slouched on the benches. His chest started to overflow with blackbirds and he wanted to spit them up.

>> No.18768505
File: 331 KB, 1775x1331, Blackbird.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18768505

>>18768500
Blackbirds?

>> No.18768523

>>18768505
Is it a bad image? I was worried about it.

>> No.18768543

>>18768523
It's unprecedented and will confuse people. Butterflies in your stomach is an idiom, but this isn't.

>> No.18768578

>>18768500
Have you even reread your work? It's just "This happened. That happened. This happened. That happened. That happened."

>> No.18768604

>>18768543
Thanks, I'll change.
>>18768578
Yeah I noticed that as well, am going to add more variety.

>> No.18768624

>>18768432
Yeah, that's basically what I do. My problem is the actual act of writing things like their backstory feel more like checking off a "humanization" list than adding to the story.

For example, the POV character enters another character's space(office, bedroom, car, etc.) and they take notice of a particular detail and ask the other character about it. That would then lead the other character to reveal information about themselves. This is completely natural and something that would both happen in real life as well as helping the reader learn about the person. However, when I finish writing bits on that nature I always feel it's just making sure I did that than really adding something to the story.

Maybe it's just the autism?

>> No.18768680

>>18762719
Came back here after having a break for 2 weeks, and I did some really productive stuff with my writing. Now, after seeing you all still bickering and not writing, I realise none of you will develop past the brain age of 16.

>> No.18768687

>name a government agency in my story Bureau of Extraterrestrial Affairs
How much of a laughing stock will I be if my characters work for BETA?

>> No.18768704

>>18768687
>he thinks memes matter in fiction
The beta meme will be as dated as rage comics in 2030

>> No.18768714

>>18768704
I wouldn't worry if I was doing traditional publishing, but I'm developing this for RR. I assume memes have more power there.

>> No.18768720

>>18768714
Then simply just change it to Extraterrestrial Affairs Bureau.

>> No.18768775

>>18768447
Steal it from another book, or pretend the first scene is from a movie

>> No.18768796

>>18768447
It was a dark and stormy night. All novels should begin with this line, regardless of genre.

>> No.18768835

>>18768796
What if you take the dark and stormy night line and mix it up for a little intrigue? Like
>It was allegedly a dark and stormy night.
>It should have been a dark and stormy night.
>It was a dark and stormy night somewhere else.

>> No.18768901

>>18768835
That last one works, I like it. Looks like >>18768484
was right

>> No.18768949

>>18768482
Everyone has blind spots and difficulties with some things. This doesn't mean your books will suck. And who knows, maybe >>18768474 can even write good dialogue and you guys are ok. My point is still that every author skips the parts that are their weak side. Sometimes they get decent enough at it and just touch lightly upon it so the reader doesn't start questioning the lack thereof. Taking help with the parts you have difficulties is actually nothing new. I'm not saying you should have a ghost writer, but you should perhaps talk to someone close to you or someone you trust about things like "this character wants this, this character wants that. How would a reasonable conversation between them go?".
I mean have you even tried writing dialogue? Maybe you're good, i don't know. My point still stands: if you are blind to the nuances, there's a chance you won't ever be able to see them. That doesn't mean your books must suck. You most probably have other sides that you are better at.

Consider every sci-fi author that has taken advice from someone about tech. They most probably don't understand it like the person advising them, yet it makes their writing more believable to the reader, who is oblivious of the author's lacking understanding.

>> No.18769082

>>18768482
ok i get you are >>18768474 and my post was intended for >>18767590 but whatever.

>> No.18769509

>>18767271
I like it

>> No.18769547

>>18765459
Thanks for mentioning Off World, anon. The reason I took it down is because I intend to add about 30 more pages to the story to give it the ending it deserves. Nothing being removed, just made better so the ending doesn't feel abrupt.

>> No.18769672

>>18768687
In Muv Luv the aliens are classified as BETA

>> No.18769793

>>18769672
in what?

>> No.18769804

>>18769793
https://vndb.org/v92

>> No.18769828

>>18769804
we dont do visual novels here

>> No.18769832

>>18769828
Just trying to reassure anon that it's not a silly acronym is all.

>> No.18769882

>>18769832
if it came from a visual novel seems pretty silly to me

>> No.18769894

>>18768901
The more I read it the more I like it. It makes me laugh. No one take it, it's mine.

>> No.18769896
File: 1.93 MB, 1413x1886, Betasize.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18769896

>>18769882
It's short for " Beings of Extra Terrestrial origin which is Adversary to the human race"

>> No.18769989

>>18769509
Self-pubbers are all trash anon, unless you're too stupid to see. Don't be a raccoon of writing, picking through garbage. Go look at what Penguin is releasing soon because you know they've helped to find the best storytellers to present to their customers, not shit out garbage that isn't fit to be smeared on toilet paper.

These self-pubbers are living on hopes and dreams, and when it runs out, they'll all be back to where they should be: Asking me if I want fries with that when I drive my Mercedes through the Mickey D's drive thru.

>> No.18770203

>>18769989
Alright larper, do you also have 13 inch dick and make 160,000 dollars a year doing nothing from home but living off passive investments you inherited from family?

>> No.18770220

>>18770203
m8 he's taking the piss
>Go look at what Penguin is releasing soon because you know they've helped to find the best storytellers to present to their customers
should be pretty obvious

>> No.18770295

I'm almost done with a short story with a pedo that humanizes him. I understand this cannot be published anywhere, but are there any fiction/fanfiction places I can upload this for posterity instead of just dropping it in this thread when I'm done?
For the record, there is no sex. He also is forced to rethink how he views his attractions by the end. It's actually a short story, not erotica.

>> No.18770450

I accidentally made a manic-pixie/mcguffin character, and I'm concerned about them overshadowing the protag's story.
In a way, they'd kind of like Tyler Durden. Protag chooses to engage with them, but the character starts them down a different path that they wouldn't normally have gone down.
How do I make sure my protagonist doesn't end up in the black hole of the other's, frankly more interesting and well defined, story?

>> No.18770530
File: 71 KB, 1280x720, 28D4D4A8-1727-4E94-A988-49343D872210.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18770530

>>18762719
I’m very new to writing, but if anyone would like to read my the first two chapters of sci-fi story on the exploration of alien oceans and catholics exploring alien religion, here’s a link to my work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10LkV1_D--VqSGHzit_gfRasnfb1YZ5foTA4re5lIhJk/edit
(If anyone responds to this post and I don’t reply, it’s because I’ve been banned after spamming Nicoavocado’s butthole on /fit/

>> No.18770670

>>18770450
Make the McGuffin the true main character and use your old main character as the side character who introduces them to the audience.

>> No.18770709

>>18770220
Spoken like a loser dreamer about to release le epic reddit 200k self-pub garbage that will go straight into the trash pile of history.

Back to your Wal-Mart cashier job, loser!

>> No.18770729

I have a story that starts out like a seemingly simple and low scale local adventure but then keeps being derailed into escalation, first a long journey, then a war, then a time period change, etc which I think would usually be a scope and thematic nightmare, but it's all personal to the main character and ties back to one defining event that caused it all that he's trying to figure out

Can it work or should I give up

>> No.18770780

>>18770670
I'd prefer to leave them in their roles, I don't really want to show the inside of Mcguffin's head if I don't have to. And I've been kicking around protag in one form or another for a couple of years, so it's hard to demote them.

>> No.18770834
File: 2.29 MB, 4032x3024, IMG_5712.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18770834

>>18767271
Boomer schizo here!

Anyone want to give me feedback on the left side first page VS the right side first page?
>inb4 sea kelp
>inb4 it's shit, kys

>> No.18770863
File: 179 KB, 1075x1711, totally-not-woke.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18770863

>>18770220
Yes because 2021 literature is totally organic and there is no agenda being pushed.

You young people are so, so blind to how much the culture has completely flipped. There is NOTHING organic about media in 2021. Everything is a part of an overall narrative or it is counter-culture and suppressed.

>> No.18770887

>>18770834
cringe ngmi

>> No.18770920

>>18770834
Seek help

>> No.18770948

>>18770834
Thread completely ruined. Felt like a good day to post a few poems, but this tard just raped another good /wg/

>> No.18770976

>>18770834
>left side first page
don't do this

>> No.18770980

>>18770834
Fuck off, reported

>> No.18771002
File: 25 KB, 112x112, 1627073083018.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18771002

>>18762719
>Q as in Queue
My sides are fucking gone.

>> No.18771007

>>18768835
1 and 3 are potential gold, 2 is meh

>> No.18771012

>>18770948
>good /wg/
/wg/ stopped being good a few weeks back.

>> No.18771030

>>18771012
Some of these guys need to right click -> delete that entire draft.

>> No.18771086
File: 1.26 MB, 786x2710, viv.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18771086

>>18770834
Fuck off loser you're not even half the writer Viv is.

>> No.18771091

>>18771007
I think there's something to be said for reimagining old cliches.

>> No.18771117
File: 23 KB, 400x400, xavier.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18771117

Is it possible to learn to write in the style of XRA?

>> No.18771204

>>18771091
There absolutely is. People like familiar things. No matter what you hear about people like new and novelty, what resonates most is the familiar.

>> No.18771331

>>18771117
Can words really capture the impeccable comedic timing of XRA?

>> No.18771498
File: 82 KB, 640x1045, 1614198321434.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18771498

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to approach a publishing company with a proposal to write a book? I found a book that focuses on a sub-field of public policy within a certain large metropolitan city (San Francisco), and I'd like to write a book on the same topic for another, larger metropolitan area (Los Angeles). I've been employed for several years with the government agency that oversees the policy sub-field in question (as a writer and editor of government publications), so I'm not entirely unqualified. I'm just not sure what the process is of cold approaching a publication company for non-fiction that I haven't yet created, or whether I need to write the book first then shop for publishers.

>> No.18771685

>>18771498
You need to write the book first. Then send query letters to publishers that accept open submissions. Some don't accept subs without an agent, so you might want to think about approaching an agent that specializes in non-fiction

>> No.18771722

>>18771498
>I'm planning on doing XYZ
that's nice get back to us when you've actually done it

>> No.18771749

>>18771498
(((publishing company)))

>> No.18771767

>>18771498
Write the book first and then send the query.

>> No.18771771

>>18771498
Write the book first. If they ask for a sample and you have nothing, then you’ll look like a liar. At least get a first draft done.

>> No.18771900

>>18771722
I write and edit written work for close to eight hours each workday. I also have a separate, personal book project (different topic) that I have a 55,000 word manuscript for so far, so writing isn’t really an issue for me.

The prospective public policy book would be largely a reference and historical work. Most of the effort would be in the research, not the actual writing. And since I already work with most of the local experts in the field, compiling information would be a bit easier for me than some random person trying to write the same book. I’m already familiar with how publishing queries work, I just wasn’t sure whether that applies to niche history or reference works.

>> No.18771965

>>18771900
>niche history or reference works
The problem with that is potential profit is low. So until you actually have something to show them, you're less than dirt. Honestly I'd suggest getting in contact with the city as opposed to a publisher because they may actually be interested in you doing that book for them.

>> No.18772050

If I wanted to go the trad publishing route, what % of my characters should be LGBT?

>> No.18772074

>>18772050
If I was a prospective customer and saw your book at my local supermarket and saw on its blurb that the two gay characters want to run away from the conflict so they can bone each other in the ass, I'm going to sit it down on the shelf and walk way. What you can take away from is less than 1 max. What you can also take away from this is a tranny blue-haired agent will ask you to change things around anyway, so even if you had 0 representation your vision will be tainted as you'll now have a gay black woman lust after an FtM native American.

>> No.18772084

>>18772050
100%

>> No.18772226

>>18772050
Be hostile. Have your main character openly seduce and kill homosexuals.

>> No.18772235

what's the best place to commission someone to do some pencil sketches for my booklet ? ?

>> No.18772287

Blood gathered in Nasir’s palm as he cupped his mouth. He inhaled the rusty station air through trembling fingers. The boys kicked him a few more times before racing back to the street. Their curses echoed through the lobby walls like angry crows. He needed to call Raheem to take care of him but his phone had been taken. “Ayy man, are you alright?” an older voice asked, walking up from the benches. “Oh damn brotha what happened to you?” it said, standing above him now, but he didn’t reply. The man pulled Nasir up off the ground and sat him right.

>> No.18772301

>>18772235
If you don't mind anime style, there's a lot of amazing yet starving SEA artists on Sketchmob. There's also fiverr.

>> No.18772369

>>18768447
I try to pick a point where I can really hit the ground running and whisk the reader away into my character's world. So like from my current WIP:
>Sunlight gently cascaded like bird song through the open windows of Sophia "Sunfire" Martinez's window and gradually brought her to a state of wakefulness.
What this story is about is a young girl of hispanic heritage discovering her fire powers and deciding whether or not she will use them for good. There's a subplot about how a bunch of wannabe instagram thots want her to join their group of popular girls but that would mean turning her back on her friends that she's had since kindergarten. Their names are Jacob, Thomas, and Tyler and they are, in order: blonde, brown-haired, and red-headed. So like they're all really nice to her all the time but they get too protective and she feels like she can't always be herself, so that's why she's even considering hanging out with a bunch of airheaded little sluts who the boys (except Sunfire's friends) all like just because they wear short skirts and take a bunch of dumb slutty pictures with filters because the popular girls all have low self-esteem. I'm really excited to be writing this from a hispanic POV because they're underepresented in literature and because they have such family bonds. Can I get some feedback and you guys can share your story ideas too!!

>> No.18772404

>>18768447
I usually try to start with dialogue. Helps immediately create the scene with characters, tone, and such. Edit from there.

>> No.18772535

>>18771965
You’re probably right, though books for the sub-field I’m interested in writing about do exist (as I said, I’d be writing the Los Angeles equivalent of a book about San Francisco that already exists), which makes me think there’s at least a small market for it. I work for the city, which owns a printing shop actually, (I’ve had several small projects done by them), though I’m not sure whether I’d get any traction there for a book as books aren’t really the business of large government entities. (Even the process of funding a random project like this would be complicated and odd since it would likely need to be budgeted, and making that happen would probably be a bigger pain in the ass than writing an entire book and pitching it to a private company.)

>> No.18772547

>>18772301
I do mind anime style but I'll check them out anyway, I am guessing that some of them might do stuff that's closer to what I'm looking for as well, thanks anon

>> No.18772584

Damn my story is actually good.

>> No.18772625

>>18772369
I want to execute you for writing this because I know someone somewhere out there legitimately thinks like this and they will get published for wokeness points instead of artistic merit.

>> No.18772633

I'm scared of fucking up the grammar in my story without realizing it because I'm retarded. Is this normal? How do I fix it?

>> No.18772638
File: 79 KB, 722x426, 1619842188242.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18772638

>>18772633

>> No.18772641

>>18772584
You'll think it's shit tomorrow and want to throw it in the trash and light it on fire. The fucked up part is both today's and tomorrow's opinions are right.

>> No.18772667

>>18772535
I would say in either case you'd still need to prepare a draft of the book first. The reality is government owned museums, libraries and civic buildings would likely be your largest customer base - they in turn would sell it in gift shops. You working for the city is a huge leg up but you're going to need to put some words on paper.

>> No.18772785

>>18772625
It's just a parody of bad fiction I've seen on older writing forums way back in the day, like a cheap imitation of My Immortal. It's based on really transparent confessions my nieces have made when complaining about their lives, so yeah, there are people (preteen girls) who do legitimately think like this, and you could probably make a career from capitalizing on it. Here's a template:

>villains are all popular girls who fail at whatever they're aiming for (they all post slutty pictures for instagram fame, but they never actually get many likes)
>supporting characters are all boys who can be identified by their hair color or build, but they all love her like a sister
>literally never acknowledge any shortcoming or weakness (ie you don't wear make-up because it's fake, not because your mom doesn't think you're not old enough or *gasp* she can't afford it)
>in fact it needs to be more or less impossible for your character to improve in any way (in this story it would be because her fire powers flare up when she gets excited, so she can never do sports or cheerleading or exercise at all. or another example would be she gets bullied and the cute friend boys just whisk her away for something more interesting instead of encouraging her to stand up for herself)

If you follow solid, fundamental writing techniques instead of demanding the reader follow you through a day in your ideal life, you might be able to get a three book contract with a movie deal. I also forgot that you want to bump the age up a bit so the reader can imagine herself growing into the ideal version of herself that you depict. So an actual opening line would be like:

>I can contain it. Just one more day. One more class. One more hour, minute, second. Just keep breathing, keep thinking, stop feeling. A kid bumps into me in the hall. I can contain it. I am running late for my first class on my first day of High School. I can contain it. Every eye in the classroom follows me as I make my way to the last open seat. I can contain it. Cindy Cuntbitch, who made my life hell all throughout Middle School is sitting right next to me. I can contain it. She slides over to whisper in my ear.
>"Hey, where's little miss piggy? She get lost on the way to market?"
>By "Little Miss Piggy" she means Tammy, my slightly overweight friend. And she knows perfectly well where Tammy is. Tammy is getting treatment at a mental health facility, because Tammy swallowed a bottle of painkillers. Because Tammy couldn't face another day of Cindy's endless taunting.
>I can't contain it.

>> No.18772827
File: 499 KB, 1125x2436, View recent photos.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18772827

Can't wait to dunk on pseuds when my shit is released into the world
>cope and seethe
I could keep posting semi-nudes of my hot exes here but I think all this rubbing it in has gathered a core group of haters that need to sea kelp. Great supplement. You can't be angry and going through life if you're on a daily dose of sea kelp vitamins.

>> No.18772833

>>18772827
seek help

>> No.18772834

>>18772785
Seems like you could have a good career as a YA writer. I hope you aren't inclined to pursue it, because I'm going to steal the fuck out of this.

>> No.18772846

>>18772833

>> No.18772851
File: 14 KB, 250x250, meek-mill-thumb.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18772851

>>18772833
Meek svelte.

>> No.18772888

>>18772851
kys zero talent useless fucking boomer. Grey hair, early balding, fat, man tits, unsuccessful. Made up kid, made up book, you're jealous of chrischan getting more attention than your retarded ass.

kys
kys
kys
kys
>ngmi

>> No.18772920
File: 197 KB, 418x396, 1625031015261.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18772920

>>18772888

>> No.18772973

(1/2) I had a horrific Valentine's Day with my (now ex) gf. It is not a matter I savor discussing, I have decided to relate it only for the edification of other young men who are potential victims of a similar travesty.

It all started not a week ago. I had grown attached to an acquintance that shared my passion for fine literature. We would often play a game of quoting a passage from some famous work and challenging the other to determine it. We found in each other laughter, smiles, eventually someone to confide in. One day when we stood abnormally close and were disclosing personal stories she took to playing with my hair and our otherwise incessant talking grew altogether silent. She spoke now calmly, not excited as usual, in a tone of almost embarassed candor, hey, I really like you. I replied to her that the feeling was mutual as I am sure she knew. “Then you should ask me out.” “I should?” “Yes, you should.” So I did and she said yes.

Our first date was exceptional. I had not realized how beautiful she was before, but now, outside in the evening, every feauture seemed precious and carefully crafted to create an exquisite woman. It did not escape my attention that my admiration was recriprocated. We talked endlessly and effortlessly, I could have married her then and there. At the end of the night I returned her to her apartment. I had gotten out of the car with the thought of kissing her, but having no experience in that regard I became hesitant, and chose merely to wish her good night. However as I turned back toward my car she reached out instantly and grabbed my hand. Aren't you forgetting something? I could feel my heart pounding in my chest with anticipation, like a race horse just as the gate were to open. I turned around and she stood as if entranced, holding me fast with her eyes more than her hand. I took a step and found my face very near to hers. Her lips parted and I could hear her breathing and nothing else in the world. I delicately held her chin and tilted her face up. She was otherworldly now, an angel, and I was a fallen angel, falling, falling, falling, and then...contact with her lips. She thrust her arms about me like a harness, and we kissed chastely but long and deep, one single kiss for every inch of her body and soul, only her entire being could sate my heart. When I drew my lips away we both exhaled and then took the deepest breaths we had since our births. She refused to release me and I knew she would not be satisfied with only one kiss and I had to give her two more before she would accept my parting and just before she did she whispered into my ear. Her voice was trembling with emotion and sincerity. “I'm never letting you go; never.”

>> No.18772977

>>18772973
(2/3) Our next date was scheduled for Valentine's Day. She asked shyly--her shyness all the more endearing in light of her affection being already exposed--if perhaps I wouldn't mind saving some money and coming to her apartment so she could cook for us instead of going out. I said I would like that very much. Oh, okay, would you mind picking up some white wine for us? She was twenty, too young to buy it here. We couldn't stop kissing. I obliged her and on Valentine's Day I brought it over along with chocolates and flowers, my clothes immaculate but my palms sweaty. She opened the door in a form-fitting dress and wearing makeup (which I had not seen before). “They're beautiful!” We embraced and kissed and I came in. She was nearly finished cooking dinner and she walked to her stereo to turn on some music for us and I fixated on her accentuated and undulating rump as she did so and I suddenly noticed that as she was fiddling with the stereo she was watching me over her shoulder watching her rump and she was smirking. I immediately averted my gaze but she looked immensely pleased. We sat down to a delicious dinner of fowl and artichoke salad, yet it was marred by her peculiar choice of music. It was Mozart, fair enough, but it was the Requiem. In retrospect this was forboding, even ominous, but at that time I simply considered it strange. It was after dinner that things got ugly.

>> No.18772981

>>18772977
(3/3) I had earlier asked her if I should bring a book over. She told me I needn't bother, she had plenty. So I ignored my instinct, a fatal slip. After dinner I of course presumed we would read but she had something else in mind. A movie. No, not a patrician movie, but The Notebook. She was evidently looking forward to it, and my selfless disposition interrupted what my better judgement urged: objection. Thirty minutes into the film I was in excruciating agony. Although I managed to watch the entire thing it came at a heavy price. I lost a part of my life that I will never get back, a part of myself. But I cared for her, so I accepted the price. Unfortunately she did not. You're a little nervous, huh? That's okay. She kissed me and it was uncomfortably akin to necrophilia on her part. We can watch another movie. My mind screamed no but the words failed to materialize as she played Titanic. By the time it had finished, my old self was dead. I was a weary husk, I had payed for my date with my very soul. How are you feeling? She had to ask twice before I understood. She brought me over more wine and helped me drink two glasses. This was a welcome reprieve from my anguish, but it proved to be short-lived. She began to do something you will scarcely believe, it was surreal at the time. She put on another movie, this time it was Atonement. My survival was now at stake, I knew if I didn't read a book soon, I would die. To be, or not to be, that was my only question. My eyes frantically scoured the room, then struck upon something. That coveted title, the holy grail of literature. In arm's reach. But it was on a sort of nightstand next to her, I would have to reach around her back to obtain it. So in trepidation my fingers crept, then finally my hand. Gradually I neared the object of my desire, now within inches. A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers --of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. Then suddenly like the grip of death itself her hand seized mine and my heart stopped. “Just what do you think you're doing?” “I, uh....” “That's what I thought. You know, no man has ever done it before.” “Are you sure?” “Mhmm, positive. Only someone very special can.” “Am I that special?” She turned to me. “Why don't you find out?” At this point I was a bit confused and so we just stared at each other. “It's okay if you're uneasy taking it.” She smiled. “You know I love you and I want to give you what you want.” “Really?” “Yes, so you don't have to take it. Just tell me, ask me, tell me what you want. And I will give it to you. I want to give it to you.”

“Infinite Jest”

>> No.18772990

>>18772973
>>18772977
>>18772981
Didn't even bother glossing over them. Cut these paragraphs into smaller, digestable chunks.

>> No.18773014

>>18772990
Okay I will but pls read

>> No.18773017

>>18773014
no

>> No.18773028

>>18773017
avg /lit/ user

>> No.18773060

>>18772981
>ngmi

>> No.18773106

>>18773060
/wg/ pseuds kys please.

>> No.18773114

>>18773106
This thread had been more positive in the last few days. What gives?

>> No.18773131

>>18773114
seek help

>> No.18773183

>tfw can only write when I'm blackout drunk to get past my autistic anxiety
How do I deal with this? It's ruining my life and at this rate I'll be dead before I can finish my second novel.
>took seven drinks to be able to make this confession

>> No.18773186

>>18773114
Dude, the fuck are you on about.

>> No.18773212

>>18773186
Seek help, Jason.

>> No.18773293

>>18773183
Gotta practice and force yourself to write when sober.

>> No.18773612

>>18764269
>Holographic humans in various shades danced across the floor. The engineers designed them off a variety of evolutionary biology theories.

I stopped here after I skimmed ahead. Jesus Christ anon. Read this out loud to yourself. I challenge you to enjoy it.

>> No.18773678

I've been writing down jokes I find really funny, both ones I hear outside, while reading or watching other people's media, and the ones I come up with on my own, and then trying to pick them apart for what makes them funny, should this help in writing humor or am I wasting my time and should spend it on trying to come up with original jokes instead

>> No.18773774
File: 317 KB, 796x712, 1510397640030.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18773774

>almost all publishers in my country accept either fantasy or crime or romance stories
>hard to find someone even considering accepting normal literary fiction
>"I'm sorry Mr. Anon we do not accept this genre but we wish you success"
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck is this a fucking joke i spent the whole fucking year every day writing this

>> No.18773957

How do you niggas decide on which idea you want to start writing? I finished a project and want to start on something new and can't choose between the several ideas I have.

>> No.18773972

>>18773957
The one that seems the most pressing. The one that you think about before falling asleep or when taking a shit.

>> No.18773999

>>18773972
What do you mean by pressing? Your second point does help narrow it down though.

>> No.18774023

>>18773999
You know, pressing.
>pressing: adjective
>requiring quick or immediate action or attention.

>> No.18774038

>>18774023
I don't believe I think about my ideas in that manner.

>> No.18774275

>>18773183
Which writer said alcohol was the killer of good writing? Cormac?

>> No.18775668

>>18768208
133k words now. 137 won't be enough. I hope everyone is being productive!

>> No.18775742
File: 45 KB, 728x483, 1590588661566-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18775742

How to measure the pacing of a story?

>> No.18775962
File: 34 KB, 809x808, 1561845984020.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18775962

>writing for 4 hours
>500 words

>> No.18776060

>>18775742
Average word count between major events that progress the story

>> No.18776124
File: 19 KB, 100x100, 1623308957129.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18776124

Had a great session imagining being interviewed about my writing today.

>> No.18776132

>>18775962
> Since I had started to break down all my writing and get rid of all facility and try to make instead of describe, writing had been wonderful to do. But it was very difficult, and I did not know how I would ever write anything as long as a novel. It often took me a full morning of work to write a paragraph.

>> No.18776156

>>18773212
he's ngmi

>> No.18776173

The humanoid figure looming at the end of my bed appeared as a shadowy outline against the luminescent glow cast by the television on the wall. Faceless and dark,
it was looking at me. It bore no expression on its black
featureless face, yet I knew it was watching me. Watching me
and draining me, like it has every night as far back as I can remember.

>> No.18776193

>>18776124
Pathetic.

>> No.18776224

Do people still give feedback here?

>> No.18776385

>>18776224
No. It's too common that a writer gets overly defensive of their work and starts arguing with the feedbacker. It's just not worth the effort to critique a piece of writing if it's unlikely that it's going to be listened to.

>> No.18776423
File: 471 KB, 512x288, 1541337467503.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18776423

>>18776132
Thanks, anon.

>> No.18776525

>>18776132
>>Since I had started to break down all my writing and get rid of all facility and try to make instead of describe, writing had been wonderful to do.
Spoonfeed a brainlet. What did he mean by "make instead of describe"

>> No.18776556

>>18776224
I do when I feel like it and only if they asked for some. If someone drops a excerpt by itself I'm going to somewhat gloss over it. I only give very basic stuff about dialogue tags and dialogue actions and suggesting break up excessively long paragraphs that are like 12 in one.

>> No.18776557

>>18776224
no

>> No.18776583

>>18776556
What makes a good dialogue?

>> No.18776591

>>18776583
I don't mean dialogue itself, I mean who's speaking at any given time.

>> No.18776645

>>18776525
I wonder about that. What I think he meant, now, was that in describing a scene you’re laying down details all around, trying to make it vivid and real, to transpose the entire image you have in your head to your reader.

To make is much more deliberate. To make is to add one piece, and one piece more, and one piece again directly into the mind of the reader. Hemingway was inspired by certain paintings, inspired but also shown how it was not in any way a simple thing to do to make in the mind of your viewer, no matter how simple the parts you used, for you need to draw the viewer’s eye precisely one spot, one impression, and then control the next, and the next. Just so in text. What you say, what imagery and how detailed and the order and cadence you say it in, becomes just as if not more important than the thing itself.

Notice the order of the sentences here. See how they’re not in a logical order, but instead give you one vivid image-emotion at a time, staccato, rapid fire.

> NICK sat against the wall of the church where they had dragged him to be clear of machine gun fire in the street. Both legs stuck out awkwardly. He had been hit in the spine. His face was sweaty and dirty. The sun shone on his face. The day was very hot. Rinaldi, big backed, his equipment sprawling, lay face downward against the wall. Nick looked straight ahead brilliantly. The pink wall of the house opposite had fallen out from the roof, and an iron bedstead hung twisted toward the street. Two Austrian dead lay in the rubble in the shade of the house. Up the street were other dead. Things were getting forward in the town. It was going well. Stretcher bearers would be along any time now. Nick turned his head carefully and looked down at Rinaldi. “Senta Rinaldi. Senta. You and me we’ve made a separate peace.” Rinaldi lay still in the sun breathing with difficulty. “Not patriots.” Nick turned his head carefully away smiling sweatily. Rinaldi was a disappointing audience.

>> No.18776675

>>18762719
Does anyone know of a function in a word processor such as MS Word or Google docs where you can take a list of words written in all caps and convert them to standard case (first letter capitalized)? I have a list of about 10,000 names I'm using for a project, and they're fully capitalized. Naturally, I don't want to correct the capitalization manually.

>> No.18776973
File: 1.26 MB, 640x480, 1624684554654.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18776973

>>18776675
There are online forms that can do that for you,

Also, EDITPLUS+ has a robust "find and replace" feature.

>> No.18777124
File: 2.42 MB, 1192x3863, tsk-chap2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18777124

>>18776591
I have some dialog in my 2nd chapter, wanna give it a read?
>scene setup: main character walks to the bar after having his bike stolen from him in chapter 1, his prized rare 1991 Craggy Peak Shockwave.
Let me know if you find it easy or difficult to follow who is talking!

>> No.18777140

>>18777124
kys
>your writing is horrible
>self-pubbers ruin the /wg/ every time
>ngmi

Save us the trouble of having to report your posts and just go away. At first I thought this boomer was a funny sideshow freak to laugh at, but to see it being undertaken as a serious project, to aspire to be admired by other self-pubber losers who are equally never going to make it is just sad. You abandoned your son, you have no family, you have no book sales, you have no chance of making it and yet you continue to come here to be laughed at by basement-dwelling weebs for your own sick masochistic gratification. This board will be better off once you're reported enough into an IP ban-on-sight.

Reported.

Seek help Jason or just KYS, nobody cares.

>> No.18777187

>>18777124
cringe

>> No.18777541

>>18777124
Fucking loser killed the thread again.

>> No.18777556

>>18777541
I noticed everyone outside of /wg/ is laughing at /wg/. Then I decided to keep browsing /wg/.

>> No.18777733

>>18777556
Yeah no shit, /wg/ has a steep decline in quality the past few weeks.

>> No.18777736

>>18777556
Tough crowd lately!

>> No.18777762

>>18777733
This. I miss the days when the OP image was from Hololive. Those were some comfy days.

>> No.18777764

>>18777733
Really? I stopped checking in a few weeks ago and it seems about the same.

>> No.18777770

>>18777764
No, a few weeks ago, people were at least sharing their works. Unlike today.

>> No.18777779

>>18777764
You have to be living under a rock.

>> No.18777799

If it makes you all feel better, I only stop in once a year for about a week and the threads are all just as shitty as the year before.

>> No.18777829

>>18777799
Why is everyone so uninspired?

>> No.18777923

I come here for vibe checks about my writing. Every time I'm reminded that 1., I should go back to writing and 2., that I need to be more descriptive.

>> No.18778100

How do I publish anon and still make some money?

>> No.18778139

>>18778100
Just use a fake name.

>> No.18778143

>>18778139
How do I make sure they don't somehow trace it to me? I am schizo and paranoid and never want to be known to anyone.

>> No.18778160

>>18778143
Who is they? Talk to a lawyer and get them to get you an agent.

>> No.18778171

>>18778160
What if the lawyer were to dox me?

>> No.18778182

>>18778171
Then you can hire another lawyer and sue them and they'll get disbarred.

>> No.18778437

I looked at her rockin tits with my own eyes and was like “babe, you hawt.”
“I know, facet,” she said. Then she sucked my conch like the cheap whore she was. Her teeth gnashes my penis until I came blood.
“Girl, I want to fuck you again tomorrow night?” I said as I put my pants on like a cowboy fresh from winter.
“Okay.”

>> No.18778584

>>18778437
Gold. You should get a 3 book deal, minimum.

>> No.18778855

Do you guys sell your stories to magazines? How much do you make?

>> No.18778862

>>18778855
We don't write, so why are you asking such a retarded question.

>> No.18778875

>>18778862
Seems like people are writing here and getting zero feedback other than "it's shit"

>> No.18778881

>>18778862
Haha
Okay now all jokes aside can you answer my question?

>> No.18778882

>>18778862
I wrote about 200 words earlier when I left the house, speak for yourself. I only publish my stuff for free online, so I can't answer his question since its for specific people.

>> No.18778886

>>18778855
I sold a story to a magazine a few years ago for around $75. It didn't get me much.
>>18778875
It's always been like that though. You have to ask for a specific type of critique and then you'll get good feedback.

>> No.18778888

>>18778881
We don’t write here.

>> No.18778903

>>18778886
How many words?

>> No.18778940

>>18778903
Probably around 2500 words? It was for one of those writer's collections.

>> No.18778945

>>18778940
I'm assuming those pay less than other formats of publication.

>> No.18779084

>>18778888
There's that End-of-world gameshow with the gods that one anon is writing, there's the bookstore phillip-shooting guy, and of course the boomer shitkicker. Oh and the dude with the 10-15 year epic he's working on.

A lot of people writing here, just drowned out by the signal-to-noise ratio. A lot of anger, too.

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