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19104810 No.19104810 [Reply] [Original]

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges
>Links: https://pastebin.com/i4RLYJEx

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
> Write a query
> Track your query

Other Resources
>General grammar/syntax/editing help
> When/where/how should I write?
> What software should I write with?
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
> Be like Dickens and write serially
> Basic overview of the Screenplay format

>Previously on /wg/
Fuck it.

>> No.19105129

What do you guys think of this.
>two business partners, Ghodes and Hoskins
>Ghodes is visiting Hoskins
>drinking tea in Hoskins' office

Ghodes could clearly see Hoskins was starting to act sleepy, slurring his words, and was even having trouble holding his own cup. But the only indication of him noticing was a slight smile that hid in only one side of his mouth. He kept the conversation going, and waited patiently. Eventually, Hoskins dropped his cup, and his head fell down. Eyes and mouth open, he sat completely lifeless.

Ghodes' smile now grew from a tiny indication to a grin that covered his entire face. He walked over to Hoskins and carefully placed two fingers on his neck. No pulse, fantastic. His eyes gleemed like never before.
But he was not completely finished, so he restrained himself, and put on a more sombre expression as he calmly walked over to the door out from the office.
He laid one hand on the handle, took a few deep breaths, and suddenly ripped the door open in the most violent way he could manage.
He shouted at the top of his lounges "THERESA! Come quick! Something horrible has happened to Hoskins!"
The maid came, and a doctor was called, but it made no difference, Hoskins had perished. In his witness interview with the police, Ghodes told them what little he could, his dear friend and just suddenly seemed to fall asleep, right in front of him.
But as soon as he parted with the police, and found himself wandering the streets completely alone, once again, his face would carry that grin like a portrait.

>> No.19105242

>Something horrible has happened to Hoskins!
seems silly. what's the year?

>> No.19105334
File: 291 KB, 784x734, Bartleby.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I got the fastest rejection e-mail so far, it took less than 24 hours. The rejection was based on my work not being the right genre, but they said "we're sure the topic will speak to many".
This was the first rejection I've received where the message was written by an actual person instead of just being a template sent by a bot. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside from the first real human interaction I've received from a publishing house.

>> No.19105351
File: 2.10 MB, 1662x1514, Screen Shot 2021-09-23 at 11.51.30 AM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

ok anon who said the last thread was shit cause there was no work or crit posted, here is a section of a short story i'm writing. give me your critique, lets MWGGA

>> No.19105363

That was likely sent by a slusher who was just trying to be nice. Maybe they’re new.

>> No.19105388

It was still nice.

>> No.19105447

>act sleepy
this seems bad to me. it could work if Hoskins was pretending to be sleepy and this was a purposefully clunky way of indicating it, but considering he's dying it doesn't work.
>carry that grin like a portrait
feels poor. find a more apt metaphor, or a better verb than "carry"
over all it's fine, straightforward and clear but not very imaginative or creative in its description. If this were a whole novel, I could see it being good only if the plot and characters were great. As a standalone, it does little to interest me. your prose is utilitarian, but does harken to detective novels of the turn of the century
disagree, i think it's appropriate for the genre he's clearly trying to evoke.

>> No.19105485

and what genre is that?

>> No.19105515

You can't seriously be this lazy not to include the link to the last thread. Dumbass OP
>Previously on /wg/

>> No.19105532

like i said, crime fiction/detective novels of the turn of the century, like christie or doyle

>> No.19105539

let's hope that is the case then

>> No.19105554

considering the characters are named ghodes and hoskins, and are spending their time drinking tea in hoskins personal office, i'd say it's highly likely

>> No.19105569

this post reeks of bucket crab

>> No.19105605
File: 37 KB, 720x720, 1622992434760.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

It is what it is

>> No.19105636

Ents? Like from tolkien? Unless these are talking trees in this New England wood that word has no meaning. The houses coming out from their cover and cautiously coalesce is a little twee and while I get where you're going, it humanizes the houses a bit much and feels silly. It'd be better to emphasize how the woods are cleared, rather than the "movement" of the homes.
The sudden shift to an "I" POV at the end of the 4th paragraph is jarring. Not in an "I'm a horror writer unnerving you" way but in a "I don't know how to write" way.
Similarly amateurish, there's no transition from the 4th to 5th paragraph. You're talking about getting that one extra tantalizing bit of information about what the town is about, only to suddenly get hit with something about a missing girl and the piper from there on out.

>> No.19105655

I can tell the 5th paragraph was written on a separate day.
"dried corn grated across mucous barnacles" might be one of the worst descriptions I have ever heard. Not only is that such an obscure sound that your book would need to include a bag of Orville Redenbacher and a map of local piers to be fully experienced but with an autistic thought experiment that has gone on way too long, I don't even think that would make the sound you think it would.

>> No.19105691

i think you capture that same feeling i got from The Willows and The Great God Pan, and with some editing it could be really neat. i liked the town and land around it sounding alive especially, i think having that consistent throughout would work

>> No.19105703

i hope you keep submitting

>> No.19105710
File: 186 KB, 800x1065, 1574879115015.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Describe entering this temple in your best prose.

>> No.19105714

i walked into a temple

>> No.19105717

Until I run out of options, then I'll rewrite the whole thing and try again.

>> No.19105739
File: 377 KB, 1920x1280, 15482725881_06834fc4d6_k.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

> Ents? Like from tolkien? Unless these are talking trees in this New England wood that word has no meaning
yeah idk I figured this might be poor but it felt right to me
thanks for the rest of the feedback, I felt the first paragraph was weak but you've pinpointed some of the issues. the rest I hadn't considered
>Not only is that such an obscure sound that your book would need to include a bag of Orville Redenbacher and a map of local piers to be fully experienced but with an autistic thought experiment that has gone on way too long,
i meant corn like pic related, the kind i saw as a kid going to plymouth plantation and sturbridge village. this was the only way i could think to accurately describe how his voice sounds in my head, and it all feels very new england to me, but you're right it's way too specific and obscure to the point where it distracts instead of communicates
and no, actually only the first paragraph and part of the 2nd were written on a different day
>The Great God Pan
yeah i love this one. not as much a fan of blackwood but i remember the willows being much better than his other stuff. i'm 100% writing in that voice so I'm glad it comes through without feeling like parody

>> No.19105782

Can I write a non fiction book without a degree

>> No.19105799

how about
>which crackled like barnacles against the scabbed back of a keelhauled sailor
or is this still too autistic

>> No.19105804

it doesn’t sound like you’ve ever visited new england based on your description of the town and especially the church. also some of your phrasing (‘new england wood,’ ‘ents’) is seemingly intentionally arcane and not in a good way.

>> No.19105805

Sure. It's more about research, anyway.

>> No.19105809

Of course, just make up shit

>> No.19105887

When I think of crackling my mind goes to burning. Kindling crackles. A slice of fish being set into a ripping pan crackles before calming down.
What you're describing is more of a grinding sound. If you described the voice as grating and grinding rather than crackling I could see those working far better but again I'm still not sure that I like the object the barnacles are being rubbed on to produce sound. With a lot of similes like this the first and foremost image you get from them is visual. If that's not what you're intending, like here, you need to immediately push towards the sense you want to convey. When you mention "scabbed back" the order my mind goes is
even though sound is really the only part that you are really trying to convey.

>> No.19105892

Just don’t get caught.

>> No.19105940
File: 67 KB, 633x500, The Wicked Flee 1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If anyone has any comments on this passage I'd appreciate it.
For context, the protagonist Caelan had met this character Rhett earlier. Rhett drew a really bad portrait of him.

>> No.19105945

How can I crab when I’m already published and know how the publishing biz works from experience/research?

>> No.19105962

i'm literally from massachussetts and visited my grandmothers house on mt desert island every summer growing up. old rural towns (like the one I grew up in) are definitely structured like this, where the further you go from the center the more isolated the houses are. it's different in suburban areas, obviously, but on the countryside this is absolutely a consistency. as for the church, i think my description makes it seem like the belltower and steeple are two separate features, so i should have just said the bell is within the steeple--beyond that i cannot imagine what is inaccurate about this description, i can think of 5 churches in my area of mass alone that fit this description, and more in maine.
i do want to communicate something physical and textural about the voice, and how viscerally unpleasant it is to the ear. crackles is definitely not the right word. to me, its like something hard, dry, and thin that pops with slime when grated.
>When you mention "scabbed back" the order my mind goes is
this is super helpful, i'm not very analytical when i write so i've never thought of it this way.

>> No.19105966

I think you have some phrases that sound awkward, even though I can understand your point.
>But the only indication of him noticing was a slight smile that hid in only one side of his mouth.
I think you should work on being a little less wordy and more to the point. For instance;
>Ghodes' smile now grew from a tiny indication to a grin that covered his entire face.
Might sound better as;
>Ghodes' smile grew to a grin that covered his entire face.

>> No.19105997

I think your mood and pacing were excellent but I did find when the car backed away that your description fell into a cliche. Instead of it “disappearing”, the body could have “returned to the darkness from which it came” or something. Overall, it’s a striking excerpt from what seems like a bigger piece.

>> No.19106045

I think it's pretty good anon, but there are a few things that make it sound awkward. New England is a state so just saying the "New England wood" sounds odd because there are lots of woods in it.
I also think you can get a bit too fancy with some of your writing. For instance;
>seems not intended to protect the building but rather to smother it
might sound better as;
>seems to smother the building rather than protect it
You also use a lot of semi-colons where you could probably just start a new sentence. For example;
>beyond being a bit small...
in the first paragraph and
>their joy is derived...
in the second could both be their own.

>> No.19106069

>to me, its like something hard, dry, and thin that pops with slime when grated.
I'm not 100% sure why you would want his voice to sound like that last bit but a calloused cyst would be the closest to what you are describing.
>The sound that comes with the manicuring of an elderly infected foot.
Still not great.
I think the description of his voice is falling apart with the "pops with slime when grated" part. I know what you mean, it becomes more mucousy when he's irate, but I'm not sure a simile is the best part to bring that up. I would just stick to a simile for the hard and dry and express the next bit with the idea of him needing to rearrange the flehm after raising his voice. A DarkSydePhil snort could even be a nice quark for the character.

>> No.19106072
File: 36 KB, 695x647, ppp.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

A little experiment with "larding," an oulipo technique where you start with two sentences, then add a sentence between them, then add sentences between the existing sentences, and so on until you're happy with the length. Kind of nice way to build up paragraphs, I always did it mostly linearly, you end up thinking a slightly different way.

>> No.19106092

nice drum imagery

>> No.19106279

how can you evoke the sight of a beautiful woman? Like when you see one and you just feel good.
I have such a hard time transferring that feeling whenever I write beautiful women

>> No.19106308

I suppose you describe her in a way that itself is beautiful or you show the reaction she produces in others.

>> No.19106418

She was a tight little number, with a cracking ass and a pair of HUGE bazongas I'd like to get her number, if you know what I mean, maybe twice if the mood is right.

>> No.19106476

How do you have one character look for another character when they have no idea what the other looks like or if they're even still alive?
>have you seen my mother?
>well, what does she look like?

>> No.19106494

I like to do this in my 2nd draft.

>> No.19106496

>a name
>an alias
>her job
>where she first lived
i mean there must be something connecting them, otherwise you are looking for a person you never knew existed

>> No.19106512

Maybe a character can have a keepsake from his mother and he sees if anyone recognizes it or if anyone else has one. It could lead somewhere very off track.

>> No.19106585

This is a good idea, thank you. Description of the character can come from someone who remembers someone else asking about the keepsake.

>> No.19106600

it could be an old smelly shirt and then he meets a dogman that could track her down for him

>> No.19106606

So animefag is trying to take over again? Abandon thread

>> No.19106720

>this thing was unremarkable, not particularly unusual and possessed all the standard features that one would expect of a thing of its type; now i shall list them
i hope they pay you by the yawn

>> No.19106787

How do I make a main character who the reader wants to see their downfall, wish for it, desire to participate in making that happens?

>> No.19106805

please stop stealing my ideas

>> No.19106816

The reaction she creates in other people always worked best for me. Characters are always more interesting when the other characters noticably change their behavior in their presence. Hans Landa is probably a dead on example.

>> No.19106852

We get it, you don't write, nobody here does, but stop acting like a little bitch about it.

>> No.19106879

Thanks for reading and for the feedback anon, I really appreciate both!
I read yours, by the way, and have some suggestions if you're interested.
I think the pacing for some of your sentences could use some work. Some feel like they're unnecessarily extended with commas or semi-colons such as;
>There was a sword by his hip, bound up in a leather belt, by no means a real scabbard; it clamoured against the contents atop a tabernacle; it scraped the stonewalls, as he danced.
while other like these three;
>He heard it thump on impact. Someone’s voice called out from down below. Halfdan peered out of the window.
feel like they could be combined into one.
I also think you have some unnecessary descriptors.
>Wulfgar’s eyes widened as he dropped his sword; it fell to the ground when he did so and clattered next to Halfdan’s feet.
The "when he did so" is sort of redundant since we already know you're describing what happens when he dropped his sword.
Really interesting imagery, though. I like the description of the dance as like a sword fight and the line about the guy shaking "his dot" made me chuckle.
I also thought the story itself was great. I loved the idea of Halfdan just assuming the amulet gave him some power and of the image being a coke ad. One thing I would recommend for it is to hold off on explaining everything, though. I would leave it up to the reader to figure out what was meant by the "new sun." I might also leave the reveal that the amulet wasn't actually powerful a secret until the king mentions it at the end.
Funnily enough, my own story is actually post apocalyptic as well, kek.

>> No.19106931

i understand this criticism but isn't that the point of what i'm trying to communicate? That the town would be totally normal and uninteresting if not for the natural elements, which overwhelm the civilization in such a way that it makes the otherwise innocuous town threateningly uncanny?
i'm rewriting those first two paragraphs cause I agree that they need some work, but if you're trying to communicate that something is plain and ordinary isn't it best to use plain and ordinary language?

>> No.19107071

>When I was nine years old, the Gods chose my father as the next family representative for the Star League. While it is considered a divine honor to serve in the League, there is little pride in it; only misery and mystery. No man has ever watched the competition, nor do we even know who we are competing against. All we know is that the noble houses, in exchange for our bloodline magics, must provide tributes to their precious league and compete for the glory of humanity. Those who win the Star League are allowed to return, and their peoples are no longer required to compete. It is the only reason the Elithian restorationists have an inkling of support some 50 years since The Timeless Emperor deposed Duran II and slaughtered the royal family. In truth, the only thing that has ever returned from the Star League are the corpses of noblemen. Some frozen, some half-eaten, some plastered with tiny holes throughout their body. I even heard the last boy from the House of Morav came back completely intact, but missing his entire skeleton. This nonsensical league has lasted for as long as the Gods have been with us, and without any eyes beyond the veil, there is no end nor revelation in sight to this new ritual of human sacrifice.
>That day, when my father left me, he crouched down, held me, and told me, "I leave you now to serve a Great Cause, but I pray that you might serve the Highest Cause. Your mother is loyal to it. Always trust her." But now, how can I trust the woman who birthed me when I just witnessed her butcher Elaine in front of an audience of thousands, including that vile man who would keep us and our lands as a little fief in his grand empire? How could she choose to slay her niece for a temporary show of strength over mercy?

>> No.19107090

What do you guys think about adding/omitting commas before those words used at the end of questions? I don't really know the proper term for them, but it's stuff like this:

>"You should know what I'm talking about, right?"
>"You should know what I'm talking about right?"
>"Wait there like a good boy, okay?"
>"Wait there like a good boy okay?"

I put commas before them but now that I think about it, I'm not really sure if this is strictly necessary or just considered good manners like the Oxford comma

>> No.19107156

i usually put commas but doesn't it literally just come down to how you want the sentence to be read? no comma makes the sentence all one breath and rhythm, comma may add a pause or put emphasis on the last word. i would only use no comma if the character says the line quickly, casually, or if the "right" is a genuine assumption of agreement/understanding.
seems to me that at its most its a subtle shift in meaning. i could be wrong

>> No.19107184

What villains just drive you insane when they get away with it? It may be normalfag tier, but think about how many people hated Joffrey Lannister. They hated him so much his actor got bullied when he went to college because his peers couldn't separate him from the fictional character he played on television. The development of Joffrey from "Oh, he's a bit of a momma's boy but alright" to "Holy fuck I hate this guy and his family, even down to the cause of his birth" is something you might want to look into emulating.

>> No.19107285
File: 46 KB, 327x560, firefox_R84GPk1EQz.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Got 2 more rejections since the last thread.

>> No.19107353

I keep using "as" too much. What do

>> No.19107371

Cut it. I keep using "that" a lot (in Portuguese). I have to ctrl+f and highlight them all so that I can see how much I've been using them.

>> No.19107385

>New England is a state


>> No.19107443

What if cutting it ruins the flow

>> No.19107481

if someone wrote "the dog had wings" i would already assume the dog was normal other than the wings without them having to preface it with a paragraph about how the dog had four paws and a taste for bones. if you want to start out with mundanity for pacing reasons then maybe write something about the townspeople going about their business or the tedium of the protagonist arriving and having to find lodgings etc etc because explaining to a presumably non-moronic reader that normal towns contain churches and normal churches contain crosses feels very silly to me. it's okay to just drop the one relevant detail and let the reader fill out the space around it, you don't have to plop the town down building by building like you're making a videogame level. same with the character description.

>> No.19107482

Can anyone read this

I wrote this when I was younger, in surely some nietzschean depressive fugue state, but as I read it... it's kinda good. Idk. I just don't think I can write like that anymore. I stopped reading

>> No.19107499

I really love it anon. Very readable. I wanted to finish it all the way through.

>> No.19107524

I'm a comma slut, but that's how my brain thinks. In bits, and then digressions, and then other bits, but not always like this, but sometimes, aswell.

>> No.19107597

fyi it's called a tag question

>> No.19107601


rewrite all the sentences

>> No.19107628

This. I’ve yet to see any anons post any works. I’m beginning to think no one writes here.

>> No.19107650

Stop replying to yourself and post something

>> No.19107680
File: 57 KB, 714x536, dying.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I've discussed themes and plot a few times but I haven't posted a passage yet. You want to see something unedited?

>> No.19107696

please slog through this and blast my shit up. destroy my pretentious ass

>> No.19107744

I don't know what is trying to convey, is this a story or the ramblings of a teenager that spent too long doing chores outside? It has a mix of vulgarity and purple prose and the diction is so bizarre it makes me want to look away and skip to another sentence in the hopes that it's more readable.

>> No.19107859
File: 485 KB, 1648x360, Screen Shot 2021-09-23 at 7.14.36 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I see what you're saying. how's this work for you?

>> No.19107892
File: 203 KB, 1022x462, beginning.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

the short sentences give a suddenness to the imagery, nice work. >>19107482
loose, unfocused rambling. a mess.

>> No.19107979
File: 146 KB, 640x976, lazarus dying.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Since anon asked for something to read, here's a few 1st draft scenes on a "knee of the curve" singularity scifi I'm working on. There's 16 chapters, ~40k words total right now, I am starting on the 2nd draft tomorrow with the aim to add more detail to scenes that need slower pace. I'm looking forward to more extensive line-by-line editing after that.


>> No.19108028
File: 19 KB, 100x100, 1623308957129.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Brehs, I finished my novel today. Been a long time coming. It felt weird plugging in the last words and then thinking, "Okay what do I have to write next" but there's nothing left to write. Just time to pour over it and pick out things here and there that don't read quite right, which is going to be a whale of a process. It feels more overwhelming now because now I have to start trying to get it published, or self-publish and try to promote it.

Has anyone had experience printing up a manuscript at Staples or something? I'd much prefer reading a physical copy mainly and making the edits on screen to the side by referring to page number. Screen-reading just doesn't feel as comfy. I'm probs gonna print a few copies just to give to a few of my friends who enjoy reading, since if my friends who enjoy slow build high fantasy and don't even like it and can't into it then that's a problem.

>> No.19108040

>have to go back to edit and rewrite my 12k first chapter because It sucks.

Seriously, what's the best method of tackling this. It took my around five months to write the fucking thing. Plus I still have to finish my prologue as well.
>prologue ends with the protagonist being a radical hockey fan, shitposts on /sp/ about maple leafs being a good team, still don't know how to incorporate that.
How do I copy /sp/?

>> No.19108048
File: 63 KB, 720x727, sip.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Writing the whole story is half of the process, editing deserves an equal amount of time, it's definitely a process. It is still an accomplishment. I suggest you treat yourself this week and then get back to work.

>> No.19108074
File: 532 KB, 1634x398, Screen Shot 2021-09-23 at 8.13.03 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

ok actually i already hated it and changed it. any better?

>> No.19108089

trees as sentinels?....looming? odd mix of suggesting that trees are both a kind of watch protector of the houses, yet loom like a villain would around the houses

>> No.19108095

I'd make sure the first 13 lines represent the most important aspects of your work to the best of your ability. The emotion, the voice, the themes, the yearning of the protagonist, whatever you need to establish your promise to the reader. It's good that you're willing to fix Chapter 1 as it lays the foundation for the rest of the story usually. I noted a lot of things I didn't like writing a recent 1st Chapter so I absolutely have to unfuck it. It's mainly a lack of time developing one character before he dies, cutting out another entirely, and being more specific about the last scene which is way too vague.

>> No.19108123

I've thankfully frontloaded much of the editing along the way. Whenever I'm not adding new things I'm going back and reading. I also went through meticulous autistic planning rather than freestyling it. I feel like doing this extended my up front time writing but is going to make the upcoming boatload of rereading and shitting my pants over why a sentence doesn't sound right a lot easier. My rereading and editing at this point is like I've read the first quarter a hundred times, the first half fifty times, the first three quarters twenty-five times (proportionally). The last quarter is what I'll focus on first as it is the most raw still. I've only gone over those chapters a few times in my "I just finished the chapter time to go back and hammer down the most obvious things" process.

> treat yourself this week
Time to jerk off and play vidya for the weekend.

Does it suck structurally? In the form of the prose itself? Gotta determine the big problem first.

>> No.19108131

i was under the impression that a sentinel could be an oppressive figure, who watches over you to protect something else. like a prison guard, who keeps you in jail to protect society

>> No.19108162

The thing was massive. This was going to be difficult to pull off, but by God I was the man to do it. I approached the opening, gazing at the shear size of the stonework in comparison to myself. Sexual intercourse among mammals typically involves mates of generally similar sizes, with the female being the slightly smaller of the two. What I was approaching was more similar to the relationship between a male and female angler fish. I unbuckled my pants and let my penis, which had proved to be of certainly adequate proportions up to this point, sway in the arid desert wind. I was already erect. My task seemed to become ever more unachievable on my approach and the temple came to its full size in my perspective, but I'd come from at least a mile to get to this point: I left the choice to turn back fat behind me. With the grace of a socially awkward teenager copping his first feel of a drunken fat girl at a house party, I stumbled up to the eroded Sandston and rubbed my cock along it's surface. After several seconds my member was abraised and I didn't know if I could continue. I discharged my offering to the gods on the baking stone in front of me, and heard each drop sizzle as it hit. I looked around to the faces of sever dozen tourists, with shocked expressions, and noted the a security team was converging on my position. Knowing my time was short I hurriedly discarded the rest of my clothes and ran in.

>> No.19108257

I had sharted in my pantaloons not three hours ago. The relentless desert heat and the harshly spiced, partly spoiled meats of the locals had combined to result in a noxious liquid plume which had fired unceasingly from my anus for forty-five minutes. Though I felt myself in immense pain, and my sphincter burned like the searing sands around me, my guides took no pity upon me. Instead, as my britches ran brown with the concoction they had fed me with, they only laughed in their dullish way, and snapped photographs of my plight.

In those moments, the fleeting, panicked instants in which one cannot know whether the rumbling in their rectum will be merely the passing of gas, or whether some material too will pass out from their cavity and smear among their cheeks and crevice-hair, it often feels the world has come to a screeching halt. I am reminded of the ideas of Schrodinger, and wonder if he too ever felt the sudden urgency to release gas, only to find a small bit of feces had come with it. In that cursed instant of unknowing, did he think that the feeling at his pucker was simultaneously gas and stool at once, until observed? As I mulled over this thought, my barbar camel rider friends pointed onwards, to some structure not far away.

"Bathroom there, white man," one said, and he then made an exaggerated gesture of holding his nose and waving his hand before his face as the others guffawed. I would kill them soon. In their sleep I would strangle them, one by one, for this humiliation. But, even as I entertained this satisfying thought of malice, another rumble took my belly, and I urged my camel forwards to the mundane, stone-built shanty ahead. Upon its face were crude figures of men and women, which I took to indicate male and female bathrooms on the right and left of the entry. Yes, I would defecate therein. Then, when all of their filthy food was cleared from my guts, I would feed them my own intentions.

>> No.19108289

After learning that he's dying of cancer, a depressed incel NEET hires a prostitute with HIV to have sex with his enemies. Would you read it?

>> No.19108298


>> No.19108345


>> No.19108352

Would YOU read it? Do YOU even have anything written down that we could even read? DOG AND ALIENS. WOULD YOU READ IT?

>> No.19108395

made me laugh, anon. nice work. some of the elaborations are better cut though, like the hilarious line about killing them soon doesn't need the elaboration of strangling them in their sleep, it almost ruins it the same way explaining a punchline ruins a joke.

>> No.19108398

would someone please criticise this or appreciate it...fml

>> No.19108413

Thanks, will incorporate this feedback into the final draft.

Write more shit fiction if you want critique.

>> No.19108439

I have the first 20,000 words, I'll start posting chapters a few threads from now

>> No.19108445

question for you guys. is there really any point to writing literature when you can't really reach the mainstream audience anymore? it seems to me the only writing that reaches this generation is for tv and film. most of the stuff i enjoy reading and writing are antiquated sentimental claptrap anyway so it doesn't matter, but i wonder if there's anymore reason to try and get "good" at the novel or short story form beyond reasons of personal satisfaction. it makes me wonder why there are so many of these "how to write" books being published when most people don't read at all--or is that a myth? from where i stand though, it seems like all the currently popular authors are sustained by readers from the last generation.

>> No.19108475


Write for yourself first and foremost. I write for myself and publish things for free online, and I have a tiny audience that also shares my interests so I don't consider my efforts in vain. And even if that audience disappeared I'd still write the story I want to tell regardless. I know this is difficult to do, but just focus on your writing and don't compare your success to other people's.

>> No.19108512
File: 1.55 MB, 400x200, bird.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

First sentence is neat, I like the juxtaposition of colors. I didn't realize what was going on at first, and actually envisioned a procession of sorcerers casting a spell at night, it drew this creepy vision in my mind that faded away into normal, comfortable morning feelings. Is it just my imagination or did you intend some bizarre feeling?
Unless I don't know the word, "voley" is spelled "volley." There's a reason that birds fly, but it's nice that the narrator entertains the reason being more whimsical to relay that feeling of easiness of the sunrise. Thought that was wonderful.
I found the "also huddle skyscrapers" a bit strange. Not wrong necessarily, but I guess the sentence felt cumbersome to me. I would have written that the suburbs and skyscrapers huddled together with a commanding presence.

I'm admittedly a brainlet, but I enjoyed it overall.

>> No.19108538

i think thought that a few spelling errors (voley -> volley?, leant->leaned), awkward phrasing ("by the end of night", "burn some morning energy", "in the otherwise silent scene", "came from the distance", "by the gallop of a Ute"), abrupt changes in point of view, confusing description ("leaned back my chair up against the point where the roof met") ruined what might have been some interesting imagery (lorikeets, bang of tools).

if the intention was to establish mood, setting, theme and character (as it often is for the opening of a scene), the confused language detracts from that intention and disrupts the mind's eye. part of this has to do with transition, i think. when you write something like "otherwise silent scene" it doesn't summon any image, so it's like you cut to black and then played the sound of the Ute. first establish the empty road or city or whatever--and establish where the character is in relation to that (i thought he was in the car, and in fact i'm not still not sure where he is)--and then bring the car.

this also relates to pov. you start off third person omniscient (it seems) but then switch to close first person but the transition is not smooth enough to pull it off. one could even read this as the thoughts of the lorikeet.

i think ultimately you might be rushing. take your time and really think through, precisely, what the images and their order should be.

>> No.19108552

If I write 1000 words a day for 143 weeks straight, and I'll end up with 1 million words. Woah...

>> No.19108557

i think it's more a question of form rather than whether to write or not. not "should i write" but "should i write literature--when no one actually reads literature". i like the short story and novel form and i enjoy reading and writing them, but i also see that there's a lot of opportunity in screenwriting, competitions and the like, which imo aren't really available for literary forms as they used to be 20, 30, 40 years ago.

>> No.19108608

Why? You haven’t written anything like anyone else? Seems pointless.

>> No.19108627

thanks for the sweet words. Yeah you're right the huddle of skycrapers isn't particularly apt...
I liked the sound of a volley of birds rather than flock. The people in the english.exchange must have mispelled it as well because I too wrote 'voley', but you're right I think it is 'volley'.
You're right some of that phrasing does not work well. I think the whole brief scene should include a little more eloboration and transition from third to first should be smoother. Thanks for that.

>> No.19108730

>I think the pacing for some of your sentences could use some work. Some feel like they're unnecessarily extended with commas or semi-colons such as;
I'll try to be less long-winded and try to flow better. I think the semi-colons also come off as a bit clumsy now that you mention it. They might distract a reader.
>"when he did so" is sort of redundant since we already know you're describing what happens when he dropped his sword.
Excellent point. I'll edit it out.
>Really interesting imagery, though. I like the description of the dance as like a sword fight and the line about the guy shaking "his dot" made me chuckle.
Ah thanks. I hope my imagery is going to bring the reader along and give them something to think about.
>I also thought the story itself was great. I loved the idea of Halfdan just assuming the amulet gave him some power and of the image being a coke ad.
That's fantastic then, I hope I can make a compelling post-apocalyptic story. But I was scared it was a little too derivative of Lawrence's Prince of Thorns.
>One thing I would recommend for it is to hold off on explaining everything, though. I would leave it up to the reader to figure out what was meant by the "new sun." I might also leave the reveal that the amulet wasn't actually powerful a secret until the king mentions it at the end.
Okay, thank you for pointing out where it was not respecting the reader's intelligence.

>> No.19108796

>the yearning of the protagonist

Did you read From Where We Dream?

>> No.19108826

No, but I read the excerpts from the previous general threads. "Yearning" is a good word to describe character motivation and I think it's someone the reader really needs to understand to respect a character as a real person. The weakness and quirks give shape, but the yearning and how it manifests into motivation is the substance.

>> No.19108847

I'm strugling to find my main character's want/need. The story is kinda like:
>teenage protagonist and his mother move into his late grandfather's house
>he finds a magical mcguffin in the attic
>when playing around with the magical thingy, he finds out there's a mysteryous cabal in town, who are trying to use magic for their own evil objectives (it's not as contrived as it sounds, I'm omiting a lot of detail)
>now he wants to find more about his granpa's mysteryous past and has to stop the evil cabal who's somehow connected to his granfather's death... but why tho? Why does he want to do any of that?
He can't want to find more about the magic and his granp's past out of curiosity alone. Can you guys help out? Be in mind that since the protag is a teenager, there's some highschool drama going on in the subplot.

>> No.19108859

>Billy, if you're reading this, the evil cabal killed your grandfather...

>> No.19108904

actually curiosity is enough of a motive, if it's combined with activity and resourcefulness (i.e the character does something about his curiosity rather than sit on his hands). i think what you may need is not necessarily motive but resistance. there needs to be some antagonism over his curiosity, maybe his mother is overprotective or neurotic, maybe his grandfather is reticent over his secrets, maybe he has a history of letting his curiosity get him into trouble (hence the move perhaps?). the motive, no matter how seemingly trivial, becomes stronger the more resistance it faces and--ultimately--overcomes.

>> No.19108920

He still got a film adaptation.

>> No.19108962

I usually have to force myself to go with what only initially feels the best because when I start adding and subtracting commas in this manner I can never stop second guessing myself. It seems I never arrive at something that feels 'correct', only at things that feel more or less appropriate than the the others.

It is only in retrospection that I realize that what I first wrote fits with the tone of whatever else I was writing at the time and should probably remain unchanged. Which makes sense, I suppose.

>> No.19108971
File: 5 KB, 185x139, Imagejjjjjjjjj.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

please come in here and prevent it from turning into a flat earth debate server

>> No.19108980

Most literary desires boil down to who am I? Searching for identities of family or strangers in an attempt to explore themselves or come to terms with certain aspects of themselves, or of life itself.

>> No.19109006

Having to rewrite the first chapter is inevitable for most people. It's only when you have a complete picture of how your plans eventuate that you can really create an apropriate beginning and endnding.

And besides, it's a positive thing. It means that you've certainly improved since you started.

>> No.19109061

>These guys killed my granpa, I'm gonna fuck them up
Protagonists that are 'normal' and 'don't want any trouble' seem to me to not have much personality. I'd find a Billy that leverages his new magic tool to do something that he wants more engaging than a Billy who just gets caught in the middle of things unwittingly.

>> No.19109212

Make Billy a selfish prick who wants to use the magic for his ends at first.

>> No.19109215

>'don't want any trouble' seem to me to not have much personality
jackie chan is pretty based though

>> No.19109300

I can tell the intent is to conjure up a pre-20th century style of writing voice but I don't think it's landing yet. There's a lot of deadweight words and concepts that take all the punch out of things. For example:
>Those few blessed by that marriage of lively imagination and observational sensitivity known to breed great artistic minds may perceive that even united at the heart of town the homes possess a particular timidity.
This is a lot of words to make assertions on two different topics. The whole conceit about great artistic minds is effectively a tangent as well as a way of complimenting yourself for then explaining how such a mind would see this scene. If you take that tangent away you're left saying:
>Even unified at the heart of town these homes possess a particular timidity.
Which cuts to the point much faster and makes it less ambiguous, in the sense that I am now free to wonder about what is timid about these homes. But I think even better than this would be if you showed me why they are timid instead of just telling me abstractly that they are; or if you'd rather glaze over it, just say "the timid homes unite in the heart of town" and I'll draw some kind of inference about them being non-ostentatious, reserved, tidy, etc.

>> No.19109391

Welp. I'm published on Kindle Vella. No reads yet. Wish me luck.

>> No.19109521

Spent the last two weeks trying to think of a way to make a feature film on about £2000 and have it be not shit. It's so frustrating the idea of continuing on with my lit fiction projects sounds much nicer.

>> No.19109544
File: 3.93 MB, 2500x3800, Vol3Illustration.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hello /wg/. My hiatus is over and I've finally been able to get the first chapter of my novel's volume 3 out.

and the newly released chapter https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/31062/saga-of-the-cosmic-heroes/chapter/755768/volume-3-chapter-93-embers-of-ishtar-toscana-heroine

There's always people complaining nobody posts their works, so there's that I guess.

>> No.19109549

The Axe - by Anon

I took an axe to Robert Frost
and cleaved his head in two.
The reward did far exceed the cost
farewell you lying Jew.

Not one more word of cliched tripe
nor overrated prose.
Beneath the damp, snow covered Earth
his mangled body froze.

>> No.19109550

Y-you're not supposed to post your work if it's anime!

>> No.19109600

Seems like you’re just rehashing ‘Frog and Toad’. Maybe try to add your own voice if you are simply planning on copying the greats.

>> No.19109646

>5 months to write 12k words
anon please apply yourself

>> No.19109662

The start of a short story I’m writing. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Tony called out, “Why don’t you put the damn thing out?”

I turned to the window, the cigarette hung limp at my lip. Its tip burned a fresh orange.

“Put the damn thing out. I hate those fucking things.”

I inhaled deeply. The tip was now scorched ash and splayed with ember cracks. The paper’s burn proceeded, headed by the rim of a raring cinder vein, that approached my lips. I hate these fucking things too.

The lone car raced its headlights up the highway, while hard rock played shockingly loud. The driver was silent, but his co-pilot, who was nagging me, drummed the beat on the dash with his fingers. Behind the driver, with my window rolled down a crack, I smoked and watched the starless night. Beyond the road there is the odd light behind a window, and if you look up maybe a plane. There are no stars but the white moon is bright. It had already descended from its midnight peak and was arcing down like a searching cyclopean eye of the night. This journey along the asphalt strip was ignited by the driver’s pride. Formerly a prospect, who could really hit, he had been on his way to the US, but then maybe to Japan. Now he is still here in this country where there is no baseball. I wondered what his pride would do to that elbow tonight. The balls and the bat rattled against my back and felt like something writhing. I dragged on my cigarette, then caught the expiration of smoke in my tattered old glove.


I turned to Tony’s furrowed brow. I breathed out and asked “Sorry what?” as I pointed to my ear.

With a wrinkled nose, Tony lowered the music and said, “Put it out, don’t make your problem ours.”

“What problem?” I inhaled.

“Your smoking problem.”

“It's a problem?” I exhaled.

“It's bad for your lungs, anytime you get active you hack like mad, you’re addicted, and it will kill you. It's a problem.”

“Tony, what are you sitting on up there? I’m just trying to enjoy myself here.”

“You can kill yourself there, so long as I don’t have to breathe your fumes. ”

I looked to Bobbie, he hadn’t said a word, he just drove. After one last inhale I tamped it out on my glove. Then I smiled at Tony as my last drag drifted through my teeth in wisps. Tony shook his head and turned around. I wound the window down and laid my cheek on the door. A cold wind whipped my face, the cold and harsh sensation would hurt if the wind wasn’t so soft. Tony turned the music back up and the wind and music contaminated one another. In the headlights, the oncoming road was pulled out from under us like a neverending rug. I fiddled with the lock absentmindedly. The wind dried my eyes so I closed them. My hair flailed in the wind and I could see the lock in my mind. Eventually my cheeks numbed, so I wound the window up. Then the music became clear again. The car raced on.

>> No.19109696

Thinking of a short story in the same vein as those "trapped in a location with a ticking clock" movies. Frozen, 12 Feet Deep, 127 hours, Buried etc... How about a guy trapped under a slot machine that's malfunctioning and spewing quarters?

>> No.19109715


that sounds interesting

>> No.19109748

Very Aristotelean

>> No.19109770

found it boring desu. you repeat the same beat over and over without variation or irony. the description and prose is too "writerly" and melodramatic for such a mundane scene.

there was something happening with the baseball stuff, it felt like the story might be going somewhere but then you go back to the same beat and hit it again and i don't know where the story is going after that and you've lost me. what exactly was the expectation you were trying to create in your reader? it doesn't feel like there was any.

>> No.19109794

But if the animefags don't post their works, then the writing general will have no writing in it

>> No.19109798

We'll have something better. We'll have integrity.

>> No.19109808

>We'll have integrity.
Literally pseud cope.

>> No.19109829
File: 122 KB, 1024x1024, 3d56b4b980022e5f7ae12d1f1ac34bda.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>le meme dialogue about smoking addiction
Oh please. For fuck's sake it's 2021.

>> No.19109843

I have this problem where I put it off every day no matter what until like 3 in the morning. How tf do I stop procrastinating? It's so weird because when I start I don't have that much trouble. I feel like I don't have any control

>> No.19109877

Thanks will rewrite and improve.

>> No.19109963


I edited the last paragraph cause the word wind was used an excessive amount.

I looked to Bobbie, he hadn’t said a word, he just drove. After one last inhale I tamped it out on my glove. Then I smiled at Tony as the drag drifted through my teeth in wisps. He shook his head and turned around. I wound the window down and laid my cheek on the door. A cold wind whipped my face, harsh sensation would hurt if wasn’t so soft. In the headlights, the oncoming road was pulled out from under us like a neverending rug. I fiddled with the lock absentmindedly. The draft dried my eyes so I closed them. My hair flailed and I could see the contraption in my mind. Eventually my cheeks numbed, so I wound the window up, and the music became clear again. The car raced on.

>> No.19109966


missed a the right before the word sensation whoops

>> No.19109972

What’s with all the flat earth talk on here lately?

>> No.19110003


ok i re-edited it, i didnt like that last simile so i changed it and also cut a bunch of fat

I looked at Bobbie, he hadn’t said a word, just drove. After one last inhale I tamped it out on my glove. Then I smiled at Tony as the drag drifted through my teeth in wisps. He shook his head and turned around. I wound the window down and laid my cheek on the door. A cold wind whipped my face, the harsh sensation would hurt if it wasn't so soft. In the headlights, the oncoming road was a dark blur.

>> No.19110233

I find i write alot like the bible, i mimic its wording alot in my fiction writing style. however what would you guys say the bibles writing style is?

what would you say defines something as "written like the bible"

>> No.19110333

look at pearl s bucks good earth trilogy. i'd say it fits the bill to a t

>> No.19110429

>making your own kino

>> No.19110581

Is it normal to use "of" a lot or am I fucking up? Because it feels like there lots of different structural contexts where it's necessary

>> No.19110635

post excerpt of where you think it becomes problematic

>> No.19110638

Write a character who gets away with shit that should not be possible (it just happens cause because).
Have them be arrogant, or always have thing work out for them under the pretense of "Working hard".
Never take things seriously and never care about the consequences of their actions.

>> No.19110657

How many words is it?

>> No.19110663

I would read it so long as the focus was not too mcuh on the depress incel NEET and if there was versimillitude to the prostitution.

>> No.19110690

someone critique/give opinions

>> No.19110760
File: 7 KB, 160x160, 1596942080209.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Write 5000 words today. I don't care if they ever get published.

>> No.19110780

Thanks friends.

>> No.19110900


>> No.19111069

I want to become a proper writer. But my current full-time job literally does not allow for that.

Should I quit and give myself a set period of time to write and/or join a funded MFA?

I want to transition from my full-time job to a writer so badly, but I just don't know how to do that. I don't have anyone I can speak to that can help me.

>> No.19111077
File: 74 KB, 1850x360, 1584802871236-lit.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The Fault in Our Stars was a mistake.

>> No.19111118
File: 61 KB, 500x500, avatars-000034050587-qc6c2w-t500x500.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.19111125

You don't have even an hour in a week to sit with any autosave text field? If you do, schedule that, for it to become a habit.

>> No.19111179

I like it. Cool exterior conflict with society and also family.

>> No.19111235

Should i stop writing every chapter around same word length? Recently i posted the thread that archived that i write 6k words per chapter, but this chapter got around 5k and i felt like there was nothing to say more. I just started writing new chapter but it kills me inside that i couldn't come up with 1k word. Should i go back and fill in the blanks with 1k word?

How much word you guys write a chapter? Does it always stays consistent? If it finishes before word count what you do?

>> No.19111261

I could try doing that, but I think it's a more structural change I need.

In my experience, writing is a more holistic process where I think about a line or a character or a book for a sustained period of time. In college, I could afford that mental energy and time to write and was fairly successful given that I got published a couple places. But working rn, I simply find myself unable to dedicate my mind to my written work for any meaningful amount of time. My mind is always filled with work responsibilities.

>> No.19111264

I am like you, I had a hard limit of 5k words per chapter, sometimes I would be under or over though and I just left it. I wouldn't worry about it until editing the entire draft. Aim for your target but don't force anything in or cut anything out as long as it is close.

By the time you finish the story you should have a better idea what to add or remove.

>> No.19111279

That's like one of the greatest advice i heard so far in these /wg/ threads. Thanks fren

>> No.19111342

Schedule it then, so it becomes a habit. Losing income doesn't make writing easier.

>> No.19111481


>> No.19111614

2,200 words. please excuse the placeholder names. let me know what the most glaring issues are.
synopsis: two siblings on the journey to the ashes of their little brother

>> No.19111887
File: 1.02 MB, 244x156, matt_damon.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>He only has enough time to write 80 words a day.
Yeah, you're not gonna make it if you keep up that pace. Your post was 76 words, alone.

>Verification not required

>> No.19111890

Shelby Foote wrote his civil war trilogy at 150 words per day.

>> No.19112070
File: 28 KB, 598x337, excerpt.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Thoughts on my atmosphere/tone?

>> No.19112081

Today I learned I wrote about 255 words a day for my most recent book (140,000 words, about 1.5 years including editing)

>> No.19112114

>The urn, with his little brother’s ashes and metal braces and bleached pieces of bone and teeth inside

Bone and teeth? Surely they would have turned to dust? And don't they remove things like braces and metal teeth before incineration? They would melt in the furnace and I imagine cause havoc with the machinery.

>> No.19112125

You don't really learn anything in that about the character, it's all just a summary. Better writing would have those details naturally occur through moment to moment details and scenes. Not sure why you list all those countries like that either, it doesn't add anything.

>> No.19112135

Yeah, there is a thing called AskAMortician and she goes into depth about the topic of death and funeral rites.

>> No.19112193

Okay, fair play if the detail is accurate. I'd personally be very pissed off if I had someone cremated and there was bits of bone and braces and false teeth left in there.

>> No.19112312

teeth taking the longest to burn is common knowledge (or urban legend).
a friend recently had someone cremated and she helped the crematorium people pick up the ashes to put into the urn. most of the ash came from the casket. she had to pick up the bones and bone fragments with pliers and put them into the urn and i saw the pictures. the crematorium people explained that smokers usually have yellow bones.
what do you think of the story otherwise?

>> No.19112486

I see anons are reading what I linked:

Any comments or questions are appreciated.

>> No.19113172

Is his mother an alien?

>> No.19113269
File: 15 KB, 239x211, doo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>broadly outline next chunk of novel
>get intimidated by the sheer amount of ground to cover

I have to just take it one thing at a time, I guess

>> No.19113381

This book sounds unironically comfy.

>> No.19113595

I know that feeling. You got this man.

>> No.19113647

>The thing was massive. This was going to be difficult to pull off, but by God I was the man to do it.

wink wink

>> No.19113678

Any time you think something is too big to handle, you need to simplify the tasks into things you can handle. If there's a question that's too big to understand, answer more simple questions until you have all the answers you need. Given enough time you can give things plenty of depth, even if your first pass at those scenes seem shallow, you'll see it all come together.

A lot of people don't accomplish long-term plans because it doesn't come natural or they don't see the path forward, and they get frustrated because they didn't know that every one else also struggles. There are writers that struggled for years and it doesn't reflect in their bibliography at all.

>> No.19113706

>I just don't think I can write like that anymore.
Good, cause it's garbage.

>> No.19113786

Why are you even bothering? No one here writes or reads. Go to some forum if you actually want critique.

>> No.19113897

the vibe of the story is very interesting and I'd read more...

"preserved forever in a suspended animation"
great image

"I was the last remaining..." This sentence has wack grammar...
"I was the last remaining keeper of humanity's linguistic skills and knowledge. When I eventually die, the English language will become a dead language like the rest."

Reads better imo. Quite a few other grammar issues throughout, but yeah, I like where the story was going.

>> No.19113932

I have the same problem with over extending my sentences in my own writing. It’s the only reason why I was able to recognize it.
Good luck with the rest of your stuff bro. Like I said, I really liked what little I’ve read of your world building. That post apocalyptic stuff/medieval stuff is always kino.

>> No.19113990

>fell in love with a character's powers
>it's a side character that got killed quickly
>author isn't doing anything with him or the property anymore
>feel like I could construct an entire plot around just the powers

What's the over/under on copying it blowing up in my face? How much should I change, I really like them the way they are

>> No.19114050

Just contact them if you can make a fanfic? Unless you're thinking commercially; then you're kinda fucked. Look into really good lawyers I guess.

>> No.19114065

You need to synthesize enough things to where it will be different. The characters, goals and some of the things aren't exactly the game. Sometimes it's safer to hang a lantern on it in your writing to acknowledge your inspiration so you don't come off as a pretending to be completely original if you're getting way too similar to the source material. People love to reread stories they've heard before in new light, and stealing ideas from the past has been par for the course for centuries, there's no shame in it whatsoever. What people really want to hear is how you will tell the story.

>> No.19114066

Any good resources on writing mystery?

>> No.19114095
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>> No.19114105

thank you anon

>> No.19114324

Always baffled why I get into stories at all when the main character is put in peril. I know he is obviously going to survive until the end so why do I still get so sucked into stories even knowing this?

>> No.19114341

the journey is pleasurable. i love formulaic stories that are well told and all the beats are hit on point.

>> No.19114351

It's just somewhat magical stories can continue to do that even if formulaic

>> No.19114459

Hey everybody. I'm writing a dystopian novel about China ruling the world in 2050. It's very 4chan influenced. I am not sure I am going to be able to sell it, but it is a lot of fun to write and gives me something to do for the time being while unemployed. About 20k words in.

Anyway, it has an odd love story in the middle of it. How do I learn how to write love stories that aren't completely shitty guys?

>> No.19114472

what's the love story about?

>> No.19114484

It's a kind of arranged marriage situation. She's attracted to him, but has some moral qualms about marrying him.

>> No.19114770

Your covers are all so awesome

>> No.19114775

This is next to useless but this exact material is heavily explored by novel threads on lihkg, maybe check out there if google translate handles cantonese

>> No.19114780
File: 230 KB, 460x692, 1379728714642.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Thanks, anon!

>> No.19114838

I don't understand royal road. It's for anime fiction? fan fiction? Why do people post there, what do they get from it? Why not just self publish to sell it?

>> No.19114846

it's mostly for progression fantasy
they don't self-publish because they're just trying writing out
some people do self-publish

>> No.19114868

Writing site for amateur writers. I just might end up self publishing or working in private since its nearly impossible to build a following if your story isn't a fantasy or isekai.

>> No.19114947

It's a site to publish free works on, and it has two options for supporting the author on Paypal and patreon. It's not uncommon for authors to leave behind stubs and publish on kindle instead. There's fiction on there that aren't light novels or influenced by anime or such. People post on it for a lot of reasons that I couldn't even begin to list off. Personally, I'm writing the story I want to read and don't care for the rabbit hole that is publishing. I don't want to make money off writing, either.

>> No.19114979

I don't think I'll get anything out of my brain tonight, /wg/. I'm stuck on the plot B throughline and I'm almost thinking I should remove it altogether even though it sets up one of the major characters for the rest of the story. I just can't seem to find an action sequence that completes his arc narratively speaking, is exciting, and doesn't come off heavy handed. I'm going to think out loud.

Georgios is naive enough to think he can trust the Duke to watch out for him, but in reality the Duke is trying to quickly grab power while the king and all the armies are away, except the one traitor army who should... Storm the city? Staff the inside of the castle? In order for Georgios to realize the crisis of his arc, he has to have his naivety broken somehow, so the Duke has to betray his trust and best interests. It has to be underhanded since the Duke doesn't want to get implicated, so perhaps he frames Georgios for a crime- but why? Georgios poses no threat and as a young knight has no political power, except he has the ear of Amara (daughter of the richest noble), or would if they were on speaking terms.

So I could rewrite it so that Georgios tries to feed Amara information without the Duke knowing, information he thinks is useless but Amara knows is valuable, and the Duke finds out and has Georgios set up and framed and thrown in jail where he can't meddle with his plans. Then, wouldn't it be easier to just not have Georgios talk to the Duke in the first place? The Duke talked to Georgios because he knows the king isn't actually away (he's missing), and he might try to contact Georgios first since they're childhood friends. It is a pretty weak excuse to manipulate someone, I'd think.

>inb4 whoa nigger did you expect me to read "all that shit!" by you

>> No.19115012

I wrote 1000 words today, and did so for 2 days before that. Am I gonna make it desu?

>> No.19115013

read the trojan war epics, they have plenty of betrayal and senseless suffering because of it

>> No.19115353
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Tfw even Anne Frank got rejected for publication

>> No.19115500
File: 110 KB, 600x400, 9dPVGYvc9col.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I'm working on the role of humans in this world I'm writing and I could use some help further ironing it out.
>Due to not having any inherent magical or powerful physical attributes humans are rarely dedicated fighters outside of the armed forces of their state governments
>Instead humans have become the backbone of development for most of the civilized world due to their plethora of skills as craftsmen and pioneers of infrastructure development
>While small groups of humans are generally able to set the foundations of a future prosperous and self sufficient town in a few short weeks one family capitalized on their industrious leanings and created the city of Holstrom (named after the family of course), the largest economic/trading hub in the world
>While the city itself is constantly expanding from the influx of business owners hoping to strike it rich the Holstrom estate has found an even more lucrative way to further cement themselves as the richest family in history
>After the First Cataclysm left thousands of children homeless, the Holstroms leapt at the chance to take them all in, not out of the goodness of their hearts, but as an untapped financial boon
>the kids would be raised by the staff of the family, and when they became of age they could work from dawn till dusk for 3 square meals a day and a place to lie their heads at night
>While it was indentured servitude they all developed valuable skills that allowed them to build their own businesses in the city when they became adults, the land on loan from the estate of course so the cycle of debt continues.
And that's pretty much the elevator pitch for this particular setting, how does it sound? I'm mostly just looking for advice to flesh it out more (and maybe give it more sinister undertones). Some suggestions for how the actual Holstrom family should be characterized are welcome too.

>> No.19115534

lul i'm just waiting for the jannies to start deleting your retarded images again. Enjoy your fun while it lasts. We know it's the only fun you have in life.

>> No.19115568

>800 rejections
Surely this wasn't for one story

>> No.19115609

It was over his career, I think.

>> No.19116142

I have a cracking idea for an alternate ending for one of my favorite works that could be a great setpiece on its own. What do I do with it? Assuming writing fan Fiction would be a bad idea and plagiarizing the story with my own IP would be worse. Make the setpiece itself a short story writing backwards with expository dialogue? Tucking it away in the good idea drawer should another story ever organically call for such a scenario?

>> No.19116165

when is the original work from?

>> No.19116167

Nothing says you need to keep this alternate ending a part of the canon you originally attached it to and there is no shame in basing a story around something you see as derivative. Creativity is just remembering what you've heard and retelling it in a way that hopefully prevents others from knowing where you heard it.
My story idea came from an alternate ending to Being John Malkovich and I know that but I also know that my job is to prevent anyone else from knowing that.

>> No.19116174

>Have reasonable opening paragraph
>Literally got nothing else

This is harder than I thought.

>> No.19116227

I read this in spongebob's voice

>> No.19116243

Yay, synthesizing old ideas in with new ideas, cranking on the meat grinder until it's impossible to tell whence anything came.
American Beauty, but also Pulp Fiction and that episode of Frasier where Niles wakes up in bed with Lilith.
Imagine if someone found the /tv/ post where I first proposed the idea in lazy greentext, how embarrassing that would be.
Tuck it in your good idea drawer then, for safekeeping until you actually have a story to tell.

Actually hold the phone on the good idea drawer idea, because I just found a way to recontextualize my setpiece to join together two concept-phase stories of mine and I do not like it at all.
>spaceman comes to Earth looking for his brother he misplaced some time ago
>brother is a half-breed of a race of elf-like people with a strong bow and arrow culture and is now the greatest marksman in the world
>and also the manservant to the sibyl of a borderline evil deity
>spaceman enlists the help of the protagonist who is the very human second-best marksman in the world
>bob's your uncle the protagonist ends up in bed with the sibyl
>everyone screams at the top of their lungs, guns pointed at each other, trying to figure out what the hell just happened and what to do now

>> No.19116249

Publishing house said If I send them another grocery bag of diarrhea they'll take legal action.

>> No.19116275
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Can't tell if schizoposting or just retarded.

>> No.19116279

what are you even doing on /lit/ if you're too dumb to read

>> No.19116283
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>> No.19116310
File: 186 KB, 1699x1299, royalroad_shekels.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>what do they get from it
Royalroad (and similar websites) should be viewed as a "freemium" publishing platform. If you write well and target the niche, then you get to earn more money than some nobody who got in the traditional way. Refer to pic related.

>> No.19116380


>> No.19116896

Sounds like a perfectly rigid setup for a conflict to start developing in to me.

>> No.19116957

I can't understand why people are willing to pay just to read a short chapter of some fantasy trash a week or two in advance. Patreon's post formatting is so fucking primitive too.

>> No.19117126

post your excerpts for us to critique so i can also get some for mine

>> No.19117248

I definitely want them to have a strong influence in the world as the characters progress through it, especially since one of the protagonists comes from the city itself.

>> No.19117263

/wg/ is shit
Think about it. It doesn't even matter if these people write
Or if they offered critique on your writing
Does it actually help anyone? Does your skill really improve by seeking advice from self-important idiots?
The "Just write" polysyndetic chant in all likelihood is motivated by performative elitism but it cuts close to the truth. You can't get better by asking for other people's opinions. You need to write and read and edit and review and steal and syncretize until you hate the act of creation, but you pull forward anyway simply because you're bull-headed and you don't care if you can't structure a plot or if the premise has been done a million times. You need to disregard the opinions of others to create art. None of you are going to make it

>> No.19117276
File: 237 KB, 1280x1077, 1629758092177.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Thoughts plz anon >>19107979

>> No.19117304

I don't need to make it. It's enough to write.

>> No.19117527

There's one born every minute. Do you want to make money or not

>> No.19117538

I like these memes but the "they have played us for absolute fools" line ruins the meme for me every time

>> No.19117540

i don't normally read sci-fi so take this as you will.

>The creative vanguard
terrible. unless it's some title or something.
>That quiet man
there are better ways to describe a character's disposition than starting a sentence with something like this.
instances where a new paragraph should be introduced.

ch2sc2 is riddled with dry and padded description. sentence structure needs variety. reading the same exact kind of compound sentences gets tiring, and it is noticeable.
it's little things like these
>The door frame in the hall came off in pieces as Claud pried them off with a crowbar, stacking the pieces in a nearby closet.
that was quick, jumping from one place to another in a single sentence, but then everything went terribly slow as you detailed his thoughts and this change in pace is jarring.
>Claud dropped the tool and it clattered against the floor, scraping ivory paint off the wall.
the tool? just say crowbar. and it fell to the floor before scraping paint off the wall?
>In his mind, a muffled scream begged him to help.
unless this is some telepathic/sci-fi bullshit, this is not how [screams internally] works
>Bending at the knees
bending down is enough. better yet, kneeling. but you're trying to say that he avoids moving his back because it hurts. if so, you need to rewrite this.
in the end i'm not sure what this scene is trying to say. that his back is frail? that doesn't warrant an entire scene. we see nothing of his character, of phoebe's, or their relationship.

>Treichler frantically analyzed
weird how you went through such efforts to describe a home repair manual in such detail but glossed over this. how was he frantic? did he keep clicking the wrong tab? is he distractingly fidgeting waiting for the numbers to load? etc.
>on the bench-top carrying the monitor
on the bench-top where the monitor rested
>They had shut down the Gatherer through this computer...
i don't care about the technobabble paragraph explaining how passwords work. don't know if your audience would feel the same. in any case, that small part sounds like an article, not a narrator.
from what i can piece together it seems these men have a double rogue AI apocalypse upon them, but instead of panicking they seem to be sitting around throwing shrugs.

comma splices in dialogues.
tense issues.
as far as description go the last paragraph is the strongest so far.

>> No.19117628
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Thanks, I'll note these as common issues in my writing for the next draft. I was more interested in what you thought about the story. As far as the three old men, they helped create the Gatherer/Demiurge to manage the world, which it could only do if it killed most people, which they were on board with. Waldvogel seems nonchalant because he anticipated what was going to happen, the other two actually did panic that'd they'd never see their dream come true, but perhaps it didn't come off that way. Glad you liked my first pass of Phoebe having her ego destroyed, it's one of the most important disasters in the story.

>> No.19117646

There's a thread about it but I may as well ask about it here. What do you guys use to keep a consistent timeline? I've got a lot of characters and my mind is not what it once was.

>> No.19117651

Unironically Microsoft Excel

>> No.19117664

>you thought about the story
the excerpt jumped between scenes and i can barely make anything out. i had no idea what ch3sc2 was even about without context.
>having her ego destroyed
again, without context, i didn't know this. to me it seemed that she was initiated into some sort of collective consciousness / cult. but if by ego you mean the freudian ego then i guess it checks out.

>> No.19117725
File: 33 KB, 535x535, ohbother.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>writing various terms and characters for a fantasy book
>mesh a variety of words across different languages with similar meanings to form names and sneak in as many puns as possible
>wrote a cool sounding name late one night based on a variety of Old English names
>forgot to take notes on the words I used
>have no idea what the origins of this name are once I get back to it
>but it still sounds cool so I don't want to axe it
Maybe if I make it big, I can just tell my readers to look up the name origins themselves as a scavenger hunt...
Mostly fiction for lowest-common-denomiator and newbie authors. A few skims through the site reveals a lot of dumb litRPGs and somewhat amateur writing. I've considered publishing there since I'm writing fantasy but have never finished/published a story before, and I'd like more experience and building up a following before self-publishing.
Absolutely use MS Excel for keeping your characters together, especially if you put a lot of detail into them. For a timeline of events, I start with a Word or Google Docs sheet and just write all the major events I want in first. From there, I look at what I have and ask, "How can I build up to this?", or, "How does the world react to this?". I also tend to jot my thoughts down in a bullet point format.

>> No.19117729

A textfield with autosave. Also, not having too many characters.

>> No.19117732

Yeah it's my fault for not sharing all the scenes between it. Most of those scenes may explain some but have far more glaring continuity errors that I noticed as I was writing, set to be fixed later.
What I mean by ego is that her entire concept of self gets erased, so when she does things they are no longer in reference to herself but to the machine and eventually everything connected to it. The utopia that's being built needs her to give away her self in order to harmoniously fix human nature. Since she desires connection with others and what she believes to be God, she goes through with it.

>> No.19117820

>What I mean by ego is
alright, that's the similar feeling i got too.

>> No.19117827

If you work on Mac (lol) there's a cool program I use called Timestory. It's served me well for years in my hobbies, school projects, and now writing. My only problem with it is that you can't get spans of time to butt right against each other, there's always a blank space between.

>> No.19117994

Lightning bolts light up the sky,
black, black shadow flashes by before me.
Thunderclaps peel back the night,
I count the seconds, oh my, this ones coming for me.

I'm waiting on,
A new day to come.
Because stormy hearts
calm in the sun.
But I know the night is young.

Darkness takes away my sight,
but I feel the world outside, oh man, its reeling.
Trouble troubles me at night,
so I hide my dreams way up in that old ceiling.

A restless tune,
finds my tongue,
as the impatient moon,
beats the drum,
but I know the night is young.

I've been waiting all my lonely life for this,
this quietness.
I never saw why you'd need any more than,
as I give you one last little kiss.
But I know the night is young.

>> No.19118118


>> No.19118365

Sup /wg/
bout a month ago we released a short story anthology featuring stories from /lit/ users. We had fun and it was such a painless process that we're going to do another one, but this time with stories from anons on /lit/ who weren't in position to submit to to the last edition
Accepted Short Story submissions will be published in the fall anthology and the writers will receive 25 dollars. I'm not a rich man but it bothers me that most lit journals don't pay you anything. If you aren't accepted you can still receive feedback on your story, so it's a no lose situation!
Send final drafts to [email protected]
Word Count: 3-5k
Themes: Wrath and/or Beauty. The theme is a very loose guidepost for your story, don't feel constrained by it
Ask questions and give feedback of any sort please.

>> No.19118472

Cheers, hope you get good submissions.

>> No.19119131

Im writing two stories at the same time, and one is going way better then the other.

One is like really smooth to write, while the other one feels like pulling teeth

Anyone else have this problem?

>> No.19119293

guess its time to get some fiber in your diet old boy

>> No.19119444

I am writing twelve stories and they are all going very good

>> No.19119473

Is it just me, or do a lot of literature communities feel like feel like they have a "fuck you, got mine" kind of dynamic where people are willing to help with only the most general advice? It feels like everyone is protecting the tiny patch of land they have from any person who might possibly carve out their own niche.

>> No.19119519

those who can't teach

>> No.19119664
File: 159 KB, 1068x862, 6DF4282B-A3DB-44E9-AACC-2ADABE5A5A63.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

i like to write and i think im a good writer but i can only write fanfiction, i cant really come up with anything i feel like is worth writing on my own with my own plot or characters or research. now that i type this out i realize one demotivating factor is that i really like writing about sex, and sex should never be interjected into an actual serious literary work as it ends up sounding retarded like stephen king at best or at worst contributes to cultural depravity like lolita. the only place i can do it and it seem either kind of tasteful or humorous is fanfiction

>> No.19119700


>> No.19119745

>TFW I don't like writing about sex at all in my novels
>TFW I'm pretty good at it and I've made girls cum with just my words
Now I know what non-furry drawfags feel

>> No.19119818

>sex should never be interjected into an actual serious literary work as it ends up sounding retarded like stephen king at best or at worst contributes to cultural depravity like lolita.
lmao shittiest take on /lit/ this year

>> No.19119824

r u tard?

>> No.19119833

have you read anything by mishima?

>> No.19119882

pretty sure that's just people not willing to take the time to do detailed critique because a) the writer didn't take the time to address the most basic issues (the same that "general advice" addresses) b) they're doing it for free.

once money starts trading hands the quality of critique jumps up an order of magnitude.

>> No.19119909

heyyy be nice i used to get those kudos on ao3

show me a good sex scene anon, ive never read one that didnt seem jarringly unnecessary for the force of plot. what i have in mind right now particular is book of the new sun. i remember feeling like i was breaking through the fourth wall and looking into the authors pervy mind

nope does it pertain?

>> No.19119934

mishima often writes about sex or other debased acts but it is alittle different
perhaps there is some insight there
maybe not

>> No.19119937

It's not actually writing advice I'm looking for, it's advice on how to approach the business side of things. People always seem perfectly willing to critique most writing, but when you start asking them about monetization plans and how to actually build a following for your stuff, they all clam up.

>> No.19119946

ok yea looks good ill check out

>> No.19120119

I know this is a thread for more traditional writing but I'm having a problem with my Fallout Pen and Paper game. Writing a plot seems almost impossible and planning for every possiblity equally as impossible. Should i just plan only a few sessions ahead?

>> No.19120204

I think you might get better responses on /tg/

>> No.19120230
File: 26 KB, 283x314, 1525838802076.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I have a problem and I've had it for a while now, but my doubts are just now reemerging in my head after being buried for a while.

My fantasy series takes place at a fantasy school. The first book is 89k words long. For the first 6000 words, the narrative takes place at the school and in the surrounding area. However, after that, it flashes back to the protagonist's childhood for 17.5k words. The rest of the story takes place back at the school.

In the past, I was primarily concerned with agents taking issue with this, but I decided that I'm just going to dump this online when the entire series is written out. But would the average reader take as much issue with it as an agent? That's what I'm concerned with now. Would you be bothered with all that time spent away from the main setting?

>> No.19120320

you're not supposed to plot things out since that would just railroad players. instead setup a bunch of situations that are entangled with each other (the original fallout games were actually pretty good with this) and let the players loose on it. so it's not so much "this happens and then this happens if the players do this" but "this npc wants that and has these things by which to get it but there's this other npc that also wants that and has these things by which to get it and that's making these npcs want that other thing etc."

>> No.19120355

Is it not possible to intersplice the flashbacks to childhood throughout the book? What's the purpose of the flashback?

>> No.19120433

where can i read the last anthology?

>> No.19120488


>> No.19120498

writing for those games involves seeding scenarios and then starting to steer towards one of the seeded stories as you learn the motivations and weaknesses of your players. You have time between sessions to develop how it goes.

>> No.19120675

>writing a short story to post on here
>trying to make it free-flowing and emotional
>it's really fucking sad

I'm torturing myself by writing this shit.

>> No.19120686

make goal
make npcs
occasionally railroad them into dungeons or towns you've designed to end the quest

rather than trying to emulate disco elysium or critical role you should attempt to provide a fun game

>> No.19120758

What about themes? Can they be done in this medium

>> No.19120857

I consider that a sign that you've at least created something worthwhile.

>> No.19120877

sure. the quest itself, the ultimate resolution of the quest, NPC dialogue, and etc etc can all be built around whatever theme you have in mind.

>> No.19120964

Seems unlikely, but I hope so. It was a pain to write but I couldn't stop doing it. Just finished, I'm going to wait before I edit.

>> No.19120982

AHA! You thought I wouldn't catch you, Cringe Dialogue That Reads Like Schlocky Anime/Film Fagshit, but I did! Get deleted, nerd!

>> No.19121034

With You being YYYYY, I'm trying to say "stares at your soul" in a weirder way. It just doesn't flow very well:

XXXX closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, that steel-eyed glare doesn't look at you, but looks through you, slices into you, peels back the layers of your defenses, and, there at last, lays bare the still-quivering heart of the man called YYYYY.

>> No.19121093
File: 28 KB, 720x645, 1627421687855.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Same. I've grown empathetic over the years. Writing the downward spiral section of a tragedy is really difficult. I need to make sure those sections are given a lot of care.

>> No.19121160

>go in to start working on plot, have no motivation
>line edit, discover the dialogue is meme tier and needs reworking
>end up just reading the rest of the book, get bored
I've got my work cut out for me.

>> No.19121371

How do I go about being paid for writing erotica

>> No.19121374

It's okay, no one here writes anyways.

>> No.19121429

By including my very specific fetishes in your work.

>> No.19121437
File: 826 KB, 1818x1300, 1622045451371.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I just wrote some edgy shit where a guy takes his son out boozing with the intention of having him lose his virginity to a hooker but they pass out, his son is kidnapped, he goes to pursue the kidnapper. He kills two innocent people due to a misunderstanding, then loses an eye and sees his son's throat cut.
Edgy shit, don't know why I do this.

>> No.19121564

I' ve been thinking of starting to write, and first writing up fanfiction type of deal to practice before trying something a bit more serious. So I' ve been wondering wether for this purpouse it is better that I finish the entire thing, or post it in chapters as is tradition for fanfiction?

>> No.19121610

Finish the entire thing first, or come to point where you think you're almost done and then publish each chapter piecemeal, usually this means 1 chapter every day until you catch up to your current chapters wip, this is for maximum front-page exposure. Fanfics usually go on AO3 so I don't know how exposure works on there though.

>> No.19121612
File: 161 KB, 516x581, 1629418187196.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>have novel ideas for several years but too unmotivated to start
>just starting to write in the past month
>knew what I wanted to happen in a scene
>found it really hard to translate that to words on a page
>consistently getting 500 words a day now
>it's small, but it's something
>proud of the prose and dialogue i'm writing
>know that I'm going to return to this when the novel is finished
>when I'm better at writing
>going to eventually fix the mistakes that I don't know that I'm making right now
What is this warm, fuzzy feeling. I go to sleep feeling happy about people that don't exist.
This is fun. I wish you all luck in your writing, anons.

>> No.19121760

Very good anon!

>> No.19121769

I will start to read 20 minutes a day from today
I will probably start a journal too my mind is all dead and fuzzy maybe it'll help clear it up a bit

>> No.19121807

How the fuck do I write Chronic-Pain without even knowing what it even feels like? I feel like I'll fuck up descriptions and alienate my audience with an unrealistic depiction of it.

>> No.19121818

Then don't write about it, problem solved.

>> No.19121823

go to a support group

>> No.19121840

>It is the only reason the Elithian restorationists have an inkling of support some 50 years since The Timeless Emperor deposed Duran II and slaughtered the royal family.

This feels kind of jarring. Like an exposition dump. None of these groups or people mean anything to me (although this really depends on how much info I know but this point in the story), but I think you'd be better of just saying "exemption from the games is the only thing sustaining support for the Elithian restorationist" or something, then dropping more info about who they are and what happened to the previous king later.

>I even heard the last boy from the House of Morav came back completely intact, but missing his entire skeleton.

Is this supposed to be funny? Because honestly, it reads like one of Bernard Manning's cake facts from brass eye

>> No.19121953

>Have 5 different groups characters on different routes for my second novel.
I dun fucked up, didn't I?

>> No.19121995

honestly I had it and after it ends you forget how it feels. it's an extremely hard feeling to replicate in writing even while you're experiencing it

>> No.19122183

At this point you just write seperate books I think.

>> No.19122236

>When I was nine years old, the Star League told my father to fuck me up the ass. While it's considered a divine honor to provide tributes to their precious league for the glory of humanity, I did not appreciate the way his crooked penis, swollen up to inhuman proportions by our bloodline magics, was tearing up my previously virginal insides. "Father," I pleaded, "this is a science fiction story. We're ripping off Dune and Ender's Game - not Hogg." He only pushed himself deeper into my perfect colon, the product of millenia of careful breeding. "Even the Metabarons wouldn't do this, and their writer is pretty much crazy." Father reached out for the Space Scepter, the sacred symbol of our ancestral power, and shoved it into me alongside his penis, stretching my anus further than a boy had been stretched since the Elithian restorationists got their hands on the crown prince during the ascent of the Timeless Emperor. "We're not winning any Hugos for this one," I whimpered.

>> No.19122283

I had toothache due to an infection for weeks. In my case, the pain didn't feel like a burn but more like something was constantly expanding inside my gum and was playing the violin with my teeth nerve. It didn't feel like a burn and it was almost itchy on top of being extremely painful, it's a very distinct type of pain and I can remember it to this day. It was impossible to ignore, to the point I sometimes couldn't think clearly and couldn't sleep at night. I knew there was something wrong with my tooth and the thoughts of grabbing a knife and butchering my gum or stabbing a needle into the cavity of my tooth hoping it could 'kill' the source of the pain were daily occurrences.
I think you have to experience some stuff to describe it faithfully, for example, the need-to-cut-gum feeling is the most vivid memory I have of this experience, and if I wanted to write about tooth infection without mentioning this, it would have felt off to the people that went through it. But even then, it's hard to write an apt description of something you had years ago. For your case, you need to read testimonials and watch documentaries, that's the only way to not write something blatantly wrong. Also, watch out for inconsistencies between testimonials since most people will have a hard time giving an apt description of something so abstract as pain.

>> No.19122347

Hey OP, just a friendly request: in case you create the new thread, is it ok if the OP image isn’t anime or anime related? I’m thinking then we can alternate without it being such a big deal?

>> No.19122354

fucking lol

>> No.19122364

>Even the Metabarons
>Not meatbarons

>> No.19122462

Help my dialogue is autistic

>> No.19122597
File: 467 KB, 1125x1300, EF72DD0C-6079-4F3C-8230-2E2831ED5F12.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Keep going, fren

>> No.19122758

I am actually failing to identify the best way to punctuate this for the given effect. Thoughts?

>Humans would probably be surprised too by their friend getting buckshot driven through their chest, but humans weren’t always so observant.

>> No.19122789

I'm just confused by why the word "humans" is being used here

>> No.19122814

Comparison to bird-like aliens

>> No.19122845

>protag randomly encounters an old internet microcelebrity at work, forgotten by everyone but her
>not long after, protag gets in an anonymous fight online, tracks down the person and finds a selfie, it's the same microcepeb
Does this sound too hard to believe since it's 3 coincidences? Tone is kinda surrealist but I want the narrative to feel coherent

>> No.19122855

right on, anonymous. that's the spirit.

>> No.19122880

I see. I'd write it as
>Humans too would be surprised by their friend getting buckshot through their chest, but then again humans weren't always all that observant.

>> No.19123002

Can you guys please recommend me a proofreading tool, which is not Grammarly? I simply don't have enough time to check my stuff more often than once at max.

>> No.19123042


>> No.19123135

Are copywriters allowed

>> No.19123198

good shit anon

>> No.19123518

>This feels kind of jarring. Like an exposition dump. None of these groups or people mean anything to me (although this really depends on how much info I know but this point in the story)
This is supposed to be like the 1st or 2nd chapter, following up from the prologue, which is Elaine's PoV leading up to her death in the duel with her aunt. So some of this is pretty rough because I haven't finished writing the prologue yet, but the "geopolitical climate" will get introduced there and expanded upon here.

The idea is that their royal family was killed, but because their tribute turned up among the dead, they still believe he can return and restore the throne. I'll have to plan out how to make the exposition dumps more fluid and seem in place.
>Is this supposed to be funny?
I was aiming for something grotesque and mysterious, so I clearly missed the mark.

Thanks for the feedback

Yea, I can understand why you'd get the expectation that it's Dune meets Ender's Game but I'm playing it off as more of a fantasy than a scifi if we're gonna go by "the furniture rule," but I don't think "Ackshually, the guys claiming to be gods are ayy lmaos" needs to be played off as some ebin twist and should just be inferred to the reader, while it should still have significance to the characters when they abandoned their traditional religions for several generations. Religion is a major theme I want to write about. I haven't decided on the period yet, but I was thinking either post-Enlightenment or Antiquity.

>> No.19123572

Okay, boys. I've reached a point in my writing process where I consistently journal, take notes, scribble ideas, and little lyrics and such on a daily basis. Now, I'm trying to combine my ability and talents of songwriting and story telling, but I'm unsure how to simplify and synthesize these ambitions while working a 9-5, balancing life-stuff, and still getting the proper reading and word counts in.

So, I'm buckling down to get serious and work on my chops - have a weird prose-poetry style that I believe would lend itself well to a quasi weird fiction mode - and master writing short stories before getting into novels, while still making music; recording, etc..

What I'd like some guidance in is scheduling: what's a good weekly goal to hit? Figure, my target word count is around 15,000 words per story. Just feel a but frazzled, and I have piles of disorganized notebooks to sift through, and it can all feel a bit overwhelming.

>> No.19123575

Is anyone here writing progression fantasy? What percentage of my word count should be devoted to explaining power systems and power scales?

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