write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.19461777]

or don't

old >>19448578

[Anonymous No.19461782]

Anime is for faggots

[Anonymous No.19461809]

At last, a general for ants!

[Anonymous No.19461820]

Why the fuck do I still need to write these stupid "personal essays" as a third year uni student? Hate the damn things. Prompt is always some retarded shit like "write about a major struggle in your life and how you overcame it, but I've never had a struggle interesting enough to write about. Worthless fucking assignment that shouldn't be required past middle school.

[Anonymous No.19461831]

>>19461777
Everyday I wake up with the knowledge that black people exist and it ruins my week.

[Anonymous No.19461847]

>>19461820
University is a prolongation of high school and preparatory training for the HR-industrial complex of sappy melonhead women who run the entire world now. High school is a professional infantilization chamber, university is about maintaining your infantilization while preparing you to thrive in an office environment managed by women and pervaded by estrogen miasma. Since 1970, the "administrative" (HR) staff of universities has gone up 200-300%, while the professoriate has increased 2%.

All women do is write "personal statements," whether on paper or by blabbing their disjointed, inconsequential feelings about every shade of color they saw that day. You are being trained to be a woman and talk about your feelings and what "experiences" "meant" to you, with no substance. That's how women think and talk and see the world. You are a tranny. You are inhaling estrogen at a psychic level every second you are enrolled in a university.

[Anonymous No.19461848]

Is avoiding the discussion of certain topics and completely ignoring certain attitudes a sign of weakness? I just stare, maybe smile, crack a joke, and move on these days, because I'd rather send the little mental energy i have on a myriad of other things that matter greatly to me than on some tired pseudopolitical bs.
I don't know if it's the right way of handling these situations.

[Anonymous No.19461869]

>>19461831
brainlet tier suffering

[Anonymous No.19461885]

>>19461831
Relax
Take a deep breath
Imagine a world where all the black people are together and all the white people are together and they don't have to interact

You may not be able to experience that world, but imagine the gift you would be giving a younger generation by creating it for them

[Anonymous No.19461889]

>>19461831
holy shit bro is that cumulative? think how many weeks your ruining just by waking up.

[Anonymous No.19461894]

>>19461847
based

[Anonymous No.19461926]

I'm lonely. Anyone here wanna be my friend

[Anonymous No.19461936]

>>19461926
we could try

[Anonymous No.19461944]

>>19461820
That shit used to annoy the shit out of me so much. Every fucking english class in high school was basically glrofied blogposting. I would straight up refuse to do it and my teachers let it slide because they thought I was too traumatized from my shitty home life to journal. As the other anon said, university just solidifies that. I dropped out to become tradie. Not sure if long term it was the right decision but desu I'm a lot happier doing hands on work rather than jacking off about my feelings

[Anonymous No.19461980]

The human experiment has failed, our consciousness and hyper awareness has doomed us. We will join the great pile of extinct lifeforms without a trace.

[Anonymous No.19462010]

>>19460904
>I’ll give it a go though being more aware than he (I assume) of the Jewish mystical strands his nothing doesn’t really impress me, I say this because Jewish mysticism has reconciliation of nothing, being and becoming as the fundamental meaning of AHYH(I am)
I wouldn't bother then. The whole conceit is basically seeing abrahamic religion as a departure from that kind of metaphysics. It interested me just because I hadn't seen the idea before

[Anonymous No.19462020]

I got Pfizer'd and I feel weird

[Anonymous No.19462023]

>>19461980
Literally me. I feel so trapped. I find myself with free time and a desire to do something but with nothing to do, no one to meet, no where to go. Its a really unpleasant feeling of being trapped

[Anonymous No.19462070]

>>19462023
literally just do things by yourself. go get a meal, go to a park, see a movie, go to a museum, idk whatever you like. just go do it

[Anonymous No.19462097]

>>19461820
One of my deepest regrets is trying to play the sympathy card in one of my college admission essays. I unironically feel angry and ashamed about it everyday, and I didn't even get into the university I sent it to anyway.

[Anonymous No.19462124]

I need to stop eating shit, I still look athletic but it's hard to maintain.

[Anonymous No.19462128]

>>19462097
That's how demoralization works. It makes you compromise yourself so you don't even feel like you have a "right" to question the demoralization regime, or worse, you become complicit in it because "fuck it I'm already compromised anyway."

The creation of a new world from a completely compromised old world will always require heroic self-overcoming by compromised people, not just the sudden appearance of a perfect uncompromised miracle man like a lightning bolt in the darkness. The first heroic act of overcoming a world of compromise with evil is overcoming it in ourselves. Everything after that is downhill.

[Anonymous No.19462130]

>>19462023
I know that feel. I'd rather have an unattainable dream to struggle and die for than this pathetic borderline existance. I want for this desire to blossom inside me. Naturally and organically. Yet it doesnt happen.

[Anonymous No.19462131]

>>19462097

That only works if you're a women or black

[Anonymous No.19462214]

>>19462097
People used to tell me to grovel and write essays regarding the major family problems I experienced for extra admission points. I was too proud to do it. It offends me when people tell me that shit.

[Anonymous No.19462237]

>>19462128
>That's how demoralization works. It makes you compromise yourself so you don't even feel like you have a "right" to question the demoralization regime, or worse, you become complicit in it because "fuck it I'm already compromised anyway."
How do you escape this

[Anonymous No.19462283]

>>19462237
Have integrity

[Anonymous No.19462324]

>>19461980
I S O L A T I O N

[Anonymous No.19462341]

>>19462020
First shot?
How old are you? Have you had covid yet?

[Anonymous No.19462349]

some old fart told me to not bother having male companionship because all they want to talk about is work,

I had the same thought few weeks before he told me, then I've read the same from Heinrich Boll,

I'm inclined to agree desu

[Anonymous No.19462422]

>>19461848
it depends of course, since reasons to distance yourself mentally from anything can vary from the topic in question being wholly irrelevant or legitimately distressing
>t. diddled as a pre-teen and anything in the same ballpark as catholicism being mentioned as a newly minted faggot seared my brain like holy water on a vampire's eyeball

[Anonymous No.19462442]

What can I use or what should I buy to kill myself?
I only have dull knives at home, I could probably stab myself with an screwdriver that for some reason is awfully sharp but I don't know, it strikes me as wrong, I will only use slashing and stabbing methods.

[Anonymous No.19462467]

>>19462442
just fall to your death from a massive parking garage, it's more scenic that way

[Anonymous No.19462568]

>>19462349
You're just talking to boring people

[Anonymous No.19462585]

>>19462442
Don't kill yourself

[Anonymous No.19462600]

cunt hoes cunt hoes cunt hoes

[Anonymous No.19462601]

>>19462585
i HAVE TO read this thread >>>/b/867393703
My family is happy for me since I scored a big job, life is finally coming around but since my brother will use the laser and I have no goggles, an accident could happen, I will kill myself as protest, as to keep my sight and as to avoid disappointments, life was getting better, that was my last moment, I don't have to deal with the comedown
>>19462467
No, only blood, I planned a mural already, I will paint it in my room
I AM PISSED off about never getting to be an artist and sharing my stuff with people, less mad and pissed off, more, fuck I should have started sooner I could have something up by now but whatever, all die.

[Anonymous No.19462625]

in typical university dropout fashion i was fancying myself getting into some sort of hvac technician apprenticeship or other related trades, but i got hit with the sharp knife of reality lately when i tried to help my dad do some relatively simple plumbing work: i am a complete dipshit at this. i had no idea what the most basic tools were called, had laughable strength, he was telling me repeatedly exactly what to do and yet i still kept messing it up, i stood like a woman, and overall just humiliated myself. i don't think i've felt more dim in my entire life. i don't know if killing myself would spare my dad the extreme disappointment of seeing that his only son is a completely useless insult to existence and a curse, or if it would solidify the disappointment even more. he did everything he could for me, and i still turned out to be a fuckup who can't do anything right.
what the fuck do i do? i don't want my dimwittedness to cause even more harm to anybody.

[Anonymous No.19462630]

>>19462601
Are you dumb? Break the laser. And open a deviantart account to share art on

[Anonymous No.19462650]

>>19462630
No I can't break it, then I have other consequences to deal with, I'm pissed that my extreme and deranged worldview that could only come from a person so non stereotypical as me (believe me, I shouldn't have been a thing) is going to get fucked over nothing but in death I will join oblivion, technically speaking ANDROMEDA, I can be happy about that, besides I spare myself the horrors of the unknown future, blindness, yeah I can't deal with that
My brother wouldn't take it lightly if I destroyed the laser, I need to be in my house to do the job, fuck, I should have done it sooner. Don't give me any first world solutions, I live in slavland, or worse, depending on what you believe. Besides he can just get another.

[Anonymous No.19462686]

>>19461777
OOH, BABY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S WORTH?
OOH, HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH
THEY SAY IN HEAVEN, LOVE COMES FIRST
WE'LL MAKE HEAVEN A PLACE ON EARTH
OOH, HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH

Was meant to read like a 100 pages of War & Peace today, instead I passed out after about two because the head cunts at worked worked me like a fucking mule. Got next week off tho, so I'll be able to read as much as I want then.

[Anonymous No.19462697]

>>19462237
Do good and fight against evil not because it's "fair" or "rational" but because it's right. Fight against evil even if there's no glory in it or no tidy "story" where you're the obvious good guy. Take a big shit on evil's face every time you can. Don't litter, be nice to animals, try to uplift cynical people without condescending to them, be a beacon of light because no one else will, don't expect rewards, check my dubs.

[Anonymous No.19462712]

>>19462442
What's the most traumatic way to kill myself in front of my family?
My mother and brother are the ones that are either going to get the show or find the aftermath, I have something saved up to paint a mural, I might post it even.
I think I should speak up and go for a neck stab and slash, that will stick with them.

[Anonymous No.19462714]

>>19462625
Hold are you? If you're 20 you'll be fine. Nobody starts as an expert. I started doing trade work at 21 and had no fucking idea what I was doing. Its a year and half anand now I'm perfectly competent at the basics of plumbing, eletric work, drywall, basic construction, painting, etc. It takes time and practice. Of course you wont know what to do in a technical job you've never done before.

[Anonymous No.19462717]

>>19462712
Just shotgun your head off. It doesnt get worse than that

[Anonymous No.19462720]

>>19462717
I don't have cash for a shotgun.

[Anonymous No.19462736]

>>19462720
Get one on a credit card. Not like you're paying it back

[Anonymous No.19462753]

>>19462625
> i am a complete dipshit at this. i had no idea what the most basic tools were called, had laughable strength, he was telling me repeatedly exactly what to do and yet i still kept messing it up, i stood like a woman, and overall just humiliated myself.
Anon... this is more the rule than the exception. I can't count the number of ways I fucked up when I worked on the car the first time with my dad, but he in turn still can't send an email. The only thing that makes your story worse than usual is that you want to fucking kill yourself over it, using equipment that you clearly have no clue about.

[Anonymous No.19462783]

>>19462753
Zoomers always jump to suicide when anything goes even moderately wrong

[Anonymous No.19462786]

>>19462736
Too much time, the laser, I can't wait

[Anonymous No.19462789]

does anyone here know anything on how to become a professional and accredited ocularist? i googled around and it's all so vague. it might beat being a NEET so i'm curious about it, with it being a niche job it won't be too hard to find work once you've got the right papers. or maybe (probably) i'm just being led astray by fantasies again.

[Anonymous No.19462809]

>>19462789
kek, you got your first future customer right here:
>>19462601

[Anonymous No.19462810]

>>19462786
A singleshot shotgun only cost like a hundred bucks. I think you're just an attention whoring schizo trying to be dramatic

[Anonymous No.19462814]

>>19462809
Fuck you
>>19462810
I literally have no bank account yet, given that I got a job I would get one in 2 weeks, too late by then, I fear the laser, I have to kill myself.

[Anonymous No.19462817]

I am nervous. I know no greater suffering than the feeling of inadequacy. But tomorrow I will rise to my duties. Tomorrow I will risk making mistakes and if I make them I will learn from them.

[Anonymous No.19462823]

>>19462714
>>19462753
>>19462783
i'm already suicidal for graver reasons. the humiliation has been a constant in my life, and i've been in a self-induced very stagnant state for many years now, so i guess its easier the ring the bell of running away nowadays. but i realize i have a penchant for the melodramatic. thank you guys.

[Anonymous No.19462838]

>>19462625
Take this as a challenge and overcome your weaknesses? Do you realize you're living in the Age of Zog and Nog? Have you seen the average level of competence at trades and basic skilled work now that hispanics and blacks and mulattos carry out a large percentage of it? My dad was a tradesman all his life and now he's retired and he goes into conniptions when he sees the shit random trades/repairmen do when they come around to work on our house or neighbors' houses. They can't even think straight. Some of them are clearly high on the job. Most of them, you can't even talk to in a nuanced way like "I want to do X, but not until after Y, how will that affect me?" because they will just blankly stare and say "OK so you want to do X."

Those are your peers in the new economy, a teeming horde of mixed race people who couldn't even identify the continent they're standing on on a map. And you have the gift of having a skilled, old economy dad to teach you to surpass that horde and become a real boy. If you run away from that you may be making one of the most significant decisions of your entire life, the decision to become a weak gay pussy hipster, with physical work and handiwork forever written off as somehow impossible for you in your mind.

Even if you don't choose this as a career path, here is an opportunity to gain life skills that may later impress women, save you tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, win you friends, and prevent you from having to call a confused Mexican plumber or mechanic who breaks your shit worse than it was already broken to begin with.

[Anonymous No.19462860]

>>19462838
i understand your valid point anon, but i'm not american nor european. i'm a thirdworldfag, and people are quite good at their trades here, they have to because they don't have much of a choice.
but i'll try again. i'll even write down what i observe during work and try to apply it. i believe in the nobility of this work, and i'll try to live up to its requirements.

[Anonymous No.19462890]

Am I the only one who noticed the only contemporary authors who are truly good are maladjusted, outsiders, drifters, and people who can’t hold a job?

[Anonymous No.19462891]

>>19462860
You're lucky then, it must be nice being around real humans.

If it helps, here's an anecdote that struck me recently. A friend whose dad is a big time builder and developer with a life of hands on experience told me that his dad's friend, a middle aged white collar lawyer type with no experience, asked to come along on jobs for fun and to learn the trade. The dad with his lifetime of experience was convinced that his friend could just "learn by doing," but the lawyer kept baffling the dad by reading books and tutorials on how to do shit before showing up, and doing things "theoretically" that the dad was doing by instinct and experience.

At first there was a friendly clash over this, but over time they both ended up teaching eachother things and learning a lot more because of it, and apparently the lawyer is quite the handyman now.

Youtube is full of amazing amateur videos for construction projects and trades related stuff. Also check out /diy/, one of the best boards that nobody knows about.

[Anonymous No.19462904]

>>19462891
Fuck off, don't pretend it's not racial for you, must be nice being around real humans? Fuck off asshole, stick to your beliefs, have some conviction you piece of shit.
It was racial here >>19462838
and it's not racial here now, what are the third world populations again? >>19462860
Kill yourself you milquetoast reactionary.

[Anonymous No.19462929]

>>19462904
The third world is pretty diverse, he could still be white, but more importantly I don't care about race. I care about race mixing and the detritus of sick civilizations spilling over onto healthy ones and flooding them with low IQ immigrants who reproduce like rabbits. I see Poles as white and I don't like how Poles spill over into other countries and fill them with badly integrated, resentful Polish minorities.

Mexico is a deeply fucked up place that needs to practice a few generations of racial hygiene and get its shit in order. Same with American blacks. But I don't even hate them either. I do hate that they have a massively oversized dreg population. All populations have their dregs but they maximize dregs while dragging down and drowning anyone talented who might fix the situation.

[Anonymous No.19462942]

>>19462891
now that is a story you don't hear very often, it breaks the usual expectation. it's exciting for a hypothetical future.
i don't exactly know how to start learning hands-on work because, well, i was never taught or encouraged to do so and didn't get much insight until recently deciding to show up whenever something was going on. maybe /diy/ will have the right resources. thank you again, and good luck.
>>19462904
fuck you and your bait.

[Anonymous No.19462961]

>>19462942
I'm right, but you're one of the good ones aren't you? Uncle tom? or what is it? Happy you got called a real human? You're pathetic.
>>19462929
Just admit it.

[Anonymous No.19462967]

If a plant is cut in half and each planted anew, are not both the same plant? How is birth any different? Taken to logical conclusion, a cell divided, a rock split, heat transferred from fire. It's all the same. We am I and everything.

[Anonymous No.19462983]

>>19462967
difference lands in space-time, not cells. there are no copies, no matter how materially identical they might seem.

[Anonymous No.19462990]

>>19462983
The finger thinks the limb to own.

[Anonymous No.19463001]

He crossed state lines.

[Anonymous No.19463005]

>>19462942
Good luck man, I wish I had learned to be less of a prissy fag with no callouses a lot earlier, I'm still catching up myself. Like I was saying, even if you end up deciding it's not for you, I think it's still important to at least experience this shit. I kick myself for not going on more jobs with my dad as a kid.

I think the antiracist guy has a point, since he thinks racism is all or nothing, and so in his eyes I went from disrespecting to patronizing, which would be pretty shitty.

>>19462961
But it's just not true. I am a racist by any normie's standards obviously but it's possible to be complex about racism. Have you ever read Evola's Synthesis of the Doctrine of Race? It's pretty good. If you really want to know, I am a spiritual racist/racialist, I think each race has its own essence and destiny and therefore its own dignity. I don't like imperialism or colonialism for that reason, and it's the same reason I don't like cavalier attitudes about open immigration and replacement-based genocide of any kind. The only people pushing those policies are elites, many of them Jews who are instinctively disdainful of other races and don't really care if they mix.

[Anonymous No.19463009]

>>19463005
>since he thinks racism is all or nothing
I see this commonly, it's hard to conceive someone you disagree with is capable of nuance.

[Anonymous No.19463019]

>>19462929
>care about race mixing and the detritus of sick civilizations spilling over onto healthy ones and flooding them with low IQ immigrants who reproduce like rabbits
It's literally the other way around. Look at European society, one with terminally low birthrates. In what world is that a healthy society? The Islamic and African societies which have high birthrates are healthier.

[Anonymous No.19463026]

>>19463009
Oh god, you're more likely to be brown, god fucking damn, why are you doing this to yourself? This is extremely pathetic.
>>19463005
There is no race spirit, no nothing, just ingrained tribe seeking behavior.
Destiny? Again, piss off, I hate these fucking spooks.

[Anonymous No.19463038]

>>19462967
birth =/= something cut in two

[Anonymous No.19463047]

>>19463026
>>19462904
>>19462961
Literally why are you posting? You clearly are just mad about something and are messing up the thread. Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.19463053]

>>19463047
Come on, he has no convictions, he should stick to it and call that anon a slur, I'm not racist myself but he should do it.

[Anonymous No.19463073]

>>19463053
Maybe he's not a racist, or at least, not towards the race of the other anon? You are just derailing their conversation.

[Anonymous No.19463088]

>>19463053
literal teenager
Captcha: VAWSH

[Anonymous No.19463103]

>>19463019
There are easy fixes to that, it's called encouraging growth at home and the maintenance of a healthy replacement level with healthy families. Instead, right when that should have been promoted in western countries, we got 50 years of propaganda about being more of a slut and single mother, more of a hedonist with no long term goals, divorce is good because you can be "free" (individual freedom to consume matters more than family health), etc. Then when this caused crippling depression and mental illnesses, on came the pharmaceutical industry to sell us cures for diseases they created in the first place, along with more unhealthy foods and lifestyles.

All the overcomplicated mainstream sociometrics, economics, demographics around immigration is just a smokescreen, propaganda. It takes kernels of truth, like the fact that unhappy post-industrial populations experience a decline in birthrate, and then rather than exploring and explaining those truths it plugs them into "data" manipulated by "experts" to convince you that you need to sell your own country out so another percent in some ledger somewhere will go up.

Peoples that are self-aware of their own health and right to exist will take necessary measures. A normal, healthy nation would naturally take measures to increase native birthrates and productivity to stay competitive internationally. We live in horribly unhealthy, brainwashed societies where we think we have to start hiring more "experts" to tug on the invisible strings of "the economy" to "incentivize skilled immigration" (this has NEVER happened, it's always unskilled and family-level immigration that regresses to the mean and causes a net demographic replacement), instead of just giving tax breaks for stable families that fuck more.

[Anonymous No.19463112]

The pandemic and shortages have helped me cut down on unnecessary expenditures. I’ve stopped spending so much on movies/video games/clothes. Instead, I'm putting it into my Roth IRA/mutual fund.
I adore the Lord of the Rings movies but couldn't get into the books. I thought the Hobbit was pretty decent, even though the movies were shit.

[Anonymous No.19463119]

>>19463073
Read his first post, you're either are or not, you either are racist or you're just a poser, own it.
Don't pretend it's an organic conversation when someone goes from complaining about most of the third world ethnicities to embracing a poster that's very likely from one of those, as a real human.

[Anonymous No.19463128]

I'm addicted to erotic ASMR.

[Anonymous No.19463138]

I hate my job and my lifestyle so much that I think about it even during holidays.

[Anonymous No.19463162]

>>19463103
I dunno if it's as easy as you make it seem. We'll see with China, which seems to be trying to regrow a native population instead of relying on immigration.

>>19463119
Yeah, you're an idiot. They seem to have stopped talking so I guess you accomplished what you wanted.

[Anonymous No.19463163]

>>19463138
What do you mean “even”? I hate it especially so. The holidays are for doing what we regularly do but faster and more excessively. It’s disgusting capitalist bullshit

[Anonymous No.19463198]

>>19463163
Holidays are when we should relax and enjoy life most of all. In theory, they should be a celebration.

[Anonymous No.19463208]

How do you overcome the feeling that your life is a waste, and things fundamentally aren’t as they should be for it to not have been a waste?

[Anonymous No.19463221]

>>19463163
>It’s disgusting capitalist bullshit
At some point you have to accept that things have value despite them meaning different things to different people. Sure, capitalists make money during the holidays. That doesn't take away from the joy of it being winter, the joy of participating in cultural events, in enjoying life.

There's only so many holiday seasons you'll live to see anon. I hope you enjoy as many as you can. It's not worth being unhappy over things which should make you happy.

[Anonymous No.19463228]

>>19463221
Can’t. Not allowed. Working.

[Anonymous No.19463244]

>>19463228
You are almost certainly not working 24 hours a day for the entirety of November and December. Take a little time to just get in the holiday spirit. It could be fun for you.

[Anonymous No.19463267]

>>19463208
you wouldn't be alive if there was nothing you could do about it

[Anonymous No.19463360]

>>19462341
>First shot?
yes
>How old are you? Have you had covid yet?
I'm 20 (I know I can survive the virus) and no I don't think so

[Anonymous No.19463404]

>>19462324
Isolatioooon... I S O L A T I O N

[Anonymous No.19463442]

>>19462070
>they just opened a new meauseum in my city a few years back
>covid hit and now i dont even know if ill be able to check it out

[Anonymous No.19463475]

bump for this >>19462789 question

[Anonymous No.19463485]

>>19462890
that's pretty much been the case for most successful writers (in a somewhat traditional sense) throughout history. its just that the wage life today eats away so much of your time/energy that you wouldn't really be able to write very well. it's constantly nagging you. very different circumstances.

[Anonymous No.19463665]

>>19461847
Irrefutably based and true

[Anonymous No.19463752]

>>19461847
absolute enlightened truth right here. the modern-to-contemporary educative system's main goal is to groom eternally infantile, helpless, individually-minded people that will always require a nanny for what they falsely perceive as needs ; the nanny representing the absolute power that is willingly called for assistance by the ''incapacitated'' children, having forgotten the fact that this aforementioned nanny (the state, corporations, any industrial complex, empty cycle ego-driven ideologies...etc) should be held accountable if it wants to acknowledge itself as responsible when convenient for the lack of growth within these children.
all the promoted ''knowledge'' within them is a red herring.
read illich. homeschool your kids.

[Anonymous No.19463832]

>>19461777
Da jooz!

[Anonymous No.19463846]

>>19463267
I’m not following.

[Anonymous No.19463923]

I'm ugly
I hate myself

[Anonymous No.19464017]

>>19463923
>thanksgiving alone
>tried cooking for once
>fucked up rice
>8 minutes out to see if i fucked up the potatoes too (definitely did)

This fucked up rice tastes delicious because I'm here sharing it with you /lit/, I'm thankful for all my friends here tonight and I'm thankful I can afford food and a place to stay

[Anonymous No.19464024]

>>19464017
Oops didn't mean to reply with that, meant a separate reply to say hang in there buddy

[Anonymous No.19464045]

>>19463923
I'm pretty. I hate myself tho

[Anonymous No.19464046]

>>19464017
hell ya i just ate a huge meal from a restaurant now i'm sitting here gorged browsing /lit/. this wine aunt from work keeps texting me because she's worried about me spending thanksgiving alone, its like dude i haven't had a break from work since the semester started, let me vegetate with the internet homies.

[Anonymous No.19464085]

>>19464046
I'm surrounded by foreigners tonight. They're all speaking their own language to each other. Feeling alienated this Thanksgiving

[Anonymous No.19464094]

>>19464046
You should show some appreciation to the wine aunt if you can, not everybody would do that, so many people are cold these days. Even if she can't understand your ability to be alone she should be commended for caring about a semi-stranger.

[Anonymous No.19464123]

I'm utterly gobsmacked at how people who work in administrations of shit like Unis. Maybe it's not the same everywhere but my experience for the past 20 years have been nothing short of dealing with retards doing clerical work. The attitude and impatience to do a minial check and sign is fucking astounding. I've never been so red with anger.

[Anonymous No.19464144]

recommend me sth comfy to watch on criterion channel preferably under 90s minutes but def under 2 hours

[Anonymous No.19464149]

>>19464123
It's the same with pencil pushers everywhere. Soul numbing work + you're force to screw over people struggling financially all the time when you have to deny/turn away people over some policy. Pity them anon

[Anonymous No.19464193]

>>19464149
I half agree with you. Those who work in a company/bank to turn down policies are usually out of their control. But these morons who work in colleges and schools have no need to be so full of hot air. They actually get off being able to make you wait/come up with some excuse to fuck you over. I had to get some documents cleared, it could've taken 5 minutes. They took 1 fucking hour just to sign and stamp it, telling me to fuck off here and there.

[Anonymous No.19464208]

>>19461782
anime is for coping in it’s essence, it’s all shallow fantasies about being adventurous, passionate and european looking, originally made to give hopeless wageslaves who are too alienated and dead inside to ever daydream on their own a little relief in the 2 hours of free time they have per day

[Anonymous No.19464234]

>>19464215
>you probably weren't the first person that day to show up at their office asking for a bunch of free shit.
I was. Actually.

[Anonymous No.19464273]

>>19464193
wait until you see the people who work in the city hall or the post office or other governmental administrative places. i'm from a post-soviet country so this bs is common practice. makes you want to shoot them all up and take your papers

[Anonymous No.19464280]

>>19461831
maybe try not waking up?

[Anonymous No.19464288]

>>19461777
Alone ..... alone ...... .A LO NE .

[Anonymous No.19464296]

>>19461848
ngmi if you don’t spend at least 8 hours a day on twitter arguing about blm and covid

[Anonymous No.19464334]

>>19462070
>oh you live a hollow directionless life spending all your time alone?
>have you tried consuming things by yourself bro?

[Anonymous No.19464373]

God I miss the days when you could show up to a stranger's farm and he'd say, "What's your name, boy?" and you'd take off your hat and hold it to your chest to better let him see your face and reply, "Why I ain't gone none, sir, on account of my mama passed on before she could give me one" and he'd tell you that he's real damn sorry to hear that and ask what he can do for you and you'd tell him that you can't read nor even write neither but you're mighty good with horses and can mend them fallen fence posts what you saw on your way in and won't ask for nothing much more than a hot meal and a warm barn to sleep in and he'd keep his wife and daughters inside but send his boy who ain't got married yet even though his mama tells him he needs a woman out with a lantern and some stew at night and the two of you'd get to talkin and he'd throw you his flask to take a swig from and watch you drinkin from it while he leant against the door frame and when he finally got called back on up to the house again he'd take a sip from it too real slow-like like it weren't the whiskey what he were tryna savour

[Anonymous No.19464380]

>>19461848
I've been thinking about cultures lately like they are hives, of which people are the bees. When we look at cultures this way, I think a picture of the ideal culture emerges. This is not ideal as in "best culture to live in", but ideal in that it will outcompete other cultures. This culture would be the best in an evolutionary sense.

The traits that would make this culture are:
>Cruelty
>Sexual Decadence
>Intelligence
>Technical ingenuity
>Bloodlust
>High birthrates

When I look at this culture, it seems like one which would suck to be a member of. But it is the best one, the one which will outcompete all others. So I am left with no choice, it seems. To preserve my own culture and traditions, I must create a culture which has these values. It is quite tragic.

[Anonymous No.19464397]

>>19464380

Sexual decadence just means buttsex with kids and men wasting time pursuing women and being unproductive. And women generally are not great at selecting good genetics. Why not just do eugenics

[Anonymous No.19464430]

All I want in life is a nice chubby Chinese milf to cuddle with, is that too much to ask for?

[Anonymous No.19464433]

>>19464373
that's what's been taken away from you, son. no trust. no hospitality.

[Anonymous No.19464438]

>>19464397
Well, to me sexual decadence is more of, "people have sex with whoever they please, however they please, wherever they please". Why do I think it is a good thing for a culture? It promotes the other "virtues" of the ideal culture, like cruelty and bloodlust.

And for sexual selection? In the ideal culture, the other values would push women to select someone who could crush any threats to them. Strong, cruel, intelligent men. Thus, women would become the culture's way of sustaining itself through the ages.

I get a sort of uneasy thrill from thinking this way. If this is what the ideal culture, which will beat all others, will look like, humanity is in trouble.

[Anonymous No.19464469]

>>19464438
it won't beat the others. it will merely be stuck in an empty cycle and collapse.

[Anonymous No.19464472]

>>19464469
So what culture will beat all the others?

[Anonymous No.19464482]

>>19464123
The best ones are the ones that subvert the system discretely and genuinely help you. They actually have a calling and want to aid people. Love those, even though I do not know why they still do this soul crushing job.

[Anonymous No.19464506]

>>19464430
Theres two billion of them. How hard can it be

[Anonymous No.19464526]

I feel I'm wasting my life away everytime I triy to watch tv shows or movies. I can't enjoy it. The worse part is that I don't do anything useful with my free time anyway.

[Anonymous No.19464541]

>>19464433
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPw6OxBBfJc
happy holidays brother

[Anonymous No.19464568]

>>19461777
I am grim for the future considering the conclusion of the three recent trials.

These last three trials that happened show just to the extent in which the journo-academics complex & their acolytes control the USG. You might as well write off thinking the constitution will save you when procedural outcomes are manipulated to make you enemies of the state.

The Charlottesville, Rittenhouse and Arbery trials send a clear message to white Americans that they can’t defend themselves, legally protest & freely assemble or try to stop criminal activity when the police stand down without grave consequences. Welcome to Anarchotyranny.

Yes, Kyle got off, but it took millions of dollars and a hell of a lot trouble to do so. The McMichaels weren’t so lucky, largely due to Ahmaud Arbery being black and greater jury intimidation. The Charlottesville defendants were SOL from the beginning. All of them set a precedent that the system favors criminals over middle Americans.

Remember how the corporate press tried to float out the term “Stochastic Terrorism” a couple years ago to apply to nationalists? Turns out they quickly withdraw it from the lexicon since that’s exactly what they’ve been engaging in for over several decades. CNN, NYT, Harvard the NGOs are all complicity in not only the persecution of the above people but also contribute to the Waukesha massacre by instilling the anti-white messaging into the suspects brain.

[Anonymous No.19464575]

>>19464568
All I am going to say is that I'm glad I'm not white. You guys are fucked lmao

[Anonymous No.19464589]

>>19464568
waaahhh i can't gun down people in my small business owner vigilante justice waaahhhh

[Anonymous No.19464592]

>>19464589
This but unironically

[Anonymous No.19464613]

>>19464568
It only matters if you're still, for some godforsaken fucking reason, in a city or a liberal state in 5-10 years when shit really gets exponentially worse.

If you can make it out to a state with relatively sane old boomer people with decent political instincts, you can probably survive the next 30+ years as the country implodes. Remember, these people are useless eaters, they can only survive in a media-curated welfare state that wipes their asses for them and lets them get away with literal murder. As soon as society begins to decay and real world rules begin to apply again, like they have for most of history, blacks and high class urban-dwelling childless women will simply starve if the military doesn't impose martial law and redistribute food to resupply Starbucks for them.

That still means something.

[Anonymous No.19464618]

>>19464613
Theres no where left to run to. It doesnt matter about muh red states. This is now universal

[Anonymous No.19464629]

>>19464618
Granted it's still a problem that needs to be fought tooth and nail in Texas, but wouldn't you rather be in Texas than fucking Los Angeles or New York when the government decides you can't buy clean water if you're white and every black gets one free rape as long as the victim is white?

[Anonymous No.19464642]

>>19464629
I'm in Los Angeles right now. Dont really see what difference it would make

[Anonymous No.19464647]

Recent personal experience is telling me that maybe Freud's theories weren't all that crazy.

[Anonymous No.19464652]

>>19464647
Did you fuck your mom or what

[Anonymous No.19464695]

>>19464652
No, I think a genuine problem at the root of my consciousness is being revealed to me through dreams

[Anonymous No.19464710]

>>19464695
Elaborate

[Anonymous No.19464712]

>>19464506
I don't know where to find one.

[Anonymous No.19464724]

>>19464712
Where do you live

[Anonymous No.19464737]

>>19464724
Australia.

[Anonymous No.19464740]

>>19464737
Aren't the Chinese pretty much the dominant ethnic group in Australia? Surely you can find a Chinese MILF

[Anonymous No.19464749]

I am a cursed oathbreaker

[Anonymous No.19464757]

I remember dying in the hospital, but somehow I woke up the next day.

[Anonymous No.19464762]

>>19462823
Boohoo faggot, get your life in order and fight back. Suicide is for cowards and you will live your life in vain

[Anonymous No.19464775]

>>19463846
You eat, you sleep comfortably. The rest is up to you

[Anonymous No.19464780]

>>19464273
I agree. These fucking bitches never learn

[Anonymous No.19464786]

I wish i could stay angry all the time. Maybe i would actually be productive for once. But seeing as im here while angry proves me wrong

[Anonymous No.19464789]

>>19464740
No? They're like 5% of the population.
>Surely you can find a Chinese MILF
I hope so...

[Anonymous No.19464793]

Suicide laser guy
I ran away from home

[Anonymous No.19464866]

>>19464710
In around 2014, my family collapsed and my parents divorced a couple years later. Well, from about 2014-2017 my mind went through a process of decay that you can only really call "mental illness". At first, I became unable to feel emotions for my family. Then, I became unable to enjoy films, or enjoy a conversation with people. Long-term memories slowly began to disappear, I struggled to keep up with my studies since I forgot almost everything, and playing chess became extremely hard. Food also became tasteless, warm showers were no longer comfy, and my breath was no longer calming during meditation. My senses also became significantly weaker, and my sense of smell doesn't really work 90% of the time. In essence, I lost literally everything that makes life worth living.

To get to the point, the cause of this decline is the collapse of my family. I've had nightmares about the exact moment something snapped inside me - when my father was yelling at my sister and I felt awful because I couldn't protect her, so I mentally checked out of the situation. Whenever my father shows up in my dreams, he's doing something awful, like trying to hurt my sister or threatening to kill himself (things he did in real life). Then I wake up. These dreams used to be rare, but after I noticed the pattern they've been getting more common. And lately they're getting very frequent.

And what's even crazier? My sense of smell is coming back. Tonight, for the past 30 minutes I feel a slight emotion or sensation when I breathe in and out through my nose. This is normal, but it hasn't happened to me in literal years - that's how absolutely insane this condition is, it literally doesn't let up. I took over a dozen antidepressants and only 2 produced even a single side effect. Yet this whole stuff with my dreams is changing me. I think I might be feeling something again. It's absolutely nuts. I've been in these threads blogging about this condition of mine for about 5 years now, and I might finally be free if I pursue this

[Anonymous No.19464914]

>>19464482
Yeah those people are rare. Coincidentally, I just got my documents sorted out by someone who's almost like that. Managed to get everything sorted out 20 mins, when it took me 4 hours yesterday. The difference some people can make.

[Anonymous No.19465115]

>>19464866
I went through something similar. You're recovering normalcy. Embrace it. Open yourself. Its the only way through. Its tough but you have to pull through.

[Anonymous No.19465121]

haven't been in one of these threads for a while.
from a cursory glance, they're as bad as usual (maybe worse)
>>19464793
how's that treating you

[Anonymous No.19465130]

Anyone else feel like Ingsoc is kinda based?
>no hypergamy
>no thots
>no inceldom
>inner party member class represents magnitudes larger share of population than liberal ruling class
>controls half the world, maybe even all of it
>rule is unchallanged
>dissent is crushed without mercy
Success proves right.

[Anonymous No.19465141]

>>19465121
Sleeping on a bench, unsure what to do next.
But look at the plus side, no more relatives, no more laser.
They were calling me, looking for me since again, complex sketchy place, told then fuck off and went on my way.
I'm just uh, never going back, I am rrady to kill myself if I have to or enter a mental institution for who knows how long, I fucked up my future but no more laser for now.

[Anonymous No.19465152]

Twinks...

[Anonymous No.19465176]

>>19465141
dunno what you mean by lasers, don't follow these threads
don't think i care to know
hope you do well

[Anonymous No.19465203]

>>19465152
are gay

[Anonymous No.19465205]

>>19465176
Ahhh, read this shit out
>>>/adv/25361576

[Anonymous No.19465217]

>>19465205
seek god. killing yourself now would accomplish no good

[Anonymous No.19465218]

>>19464568
how pedestrian. read a book for once dipshit

[Anonymous No.19465222]

most of you are whiny young people and it's clear nobody here really reads that much

[Anonymous No.19465223]

>>19465217
Don't believe in fairytails

[Anonymous No.19465224]

>>19465203

[Anonymous No.19465225]

I spent all of Wednesday waiting for the communists to attempt a coup and nothing happened. I was quite certain that it was going to happen on Wednesday, but I guess we survived. Still, the government needs to be more vigilant about communism. It is the greatest danger facing us.

[Anonymous No.19465235]

>>19465223
"god" doesn't have to be some big man in the sky. it can be any system of nature, order, or existence that you please.
if you can love and allow everything in existence in the same way god does, you can feel unlimited joy

hell isn't somewhere you go after you die; it's when you're alive and unable to love

[Anonymous No.19465236]

>>19465115
thanks for the words of encouragement man, glad you recovered

[Anonymous No.19465253]

>>19465235
It either does something for me or not, that's the concept of god for me. Anything else? Too abstract to matter, too removed from my experience to be relatable, what's the matter? It either does and is or not.

[Anonymous No.19465264]

>>19465253
>Too abstract to matter, too removed from my experience to be relatable
Do you feel that way towards the experience of others - that they're too far removed from you personally to be able to care?

[Anonymous No.19465269]

>>19465225
I am surrounded by enemies no matter who i am. Guns are the problem, we take away the criminals guns and the polices guns and then man can only opress man as was intended by god. My relation to the state and my sexuality entirely shape each other.

[Anonymous No.19465280]

>>19465264
Why should i when there’s no evidence other people even exist

[Anonymous No.19465281]

>>19465269
I have mixed feelings on the gun issue. On one hand, there are certainly American citizens who have fallen to communism and have guns. They must be disarmed. On the other hand, there are communists in the US government, and they can only be held back by anti-communists with guns. What to do? I'm not sure.

[Anonymous No.19465295]

>>19461980
If the sadness of life makes you tired/And the failures of man make you sigh/You can look to the time soon arriving/When this noble experiment winds down and calls it a day

[Anonymous No.19465311]

>>19465280
Because, believing yourself isolated from everyone else on earth, you will drive yourself further and further into a downward spiral of your own making; in which you cannot love another and instead suffer in solitude (not unlike the Underground Man, but not enough for me to say you're "literally him" or anything)
Believing in the goodness of others is a beautiful thing; moreso when in spite of the evil that occurs so often (and that we see more of than the good, thanks to the prevalence of media)

[Anonymous No.19465316]

>>19464334
if you can't find happiness on your own, it's unlikely others can fix it for you
the only relationships that are truly worthwhile are lifelong friendships and family. most sadly don't experience them

[v_v !!+e0M0fBMYzt No.19466155]

check it, now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcHKcs1kL0I

[Anonymous No.19467019]

>>19465130
Orwell was a pervert who feared sexual morality

[Anonymous No.19467146]

everything is so fucking crazy holy shit what has even happened? Who can measure what has been lost?

[Anonymous No.19467192]

>>19464866
>And what's even crazier? My sense of smell is coming back. Tonight, for the past 30 minutes I feel a slight emotion or sensation when I breathe in and out through my nose.

You are the first other person I've seen to report a correlation between smell and depression. Sometimes when I'm hung over and recovering, or sick, or just for no reason randomly, my sense of smell will come back, and it's like I'm suddenly flooded with memories and emotions I haven't felt in years. It's an overwhelming feeling of "oh my god this is what everybody else is feeling all the time?" as I can experience colors and associations again. It's like going from color blindness to remembering colors exist suddenly. It's impossible to describe since it's also interwoven with memories, it's like a "thick" feeling of nostalgia connecting everything, but I think it only feels so different because I'm so unused to it and for everybody else it's just normal to be able to connect past and present experiences and "feel" them.

Then it goes away 8 minutes later and I don't get it again for another year.

It's funny, I'd kill myself but because I feel nothing I can't even really feel my lack of ability to feel.

[Anonymous No.19467219]

>>19464866
>>19467192
I have a very vivid memory of walking through the hallway in Middle School, when suddenly I felt a similar sensation with no external reasoning for it. I remember thinking the air smelt exceptionally clean and I was elated - then the sensation passed shortly after
Haven’t felt that way since, with maybe an exception to when I opened up to my parents about feeling depressed

[Anonymous No.19467274]

My brain has been balkanized.

[Anonymous No.19467477]

>>19462697
I literally almost vomited. That kind of naive stupidity is what probably got him AND YOU you dumb fcuk in to that situation in the first place

>Don't litter, be nice to animals, try to uplift cynical people without condescending to them, be a beacon of light because no one else will,

Allow me to rephrase: Don't be a trash, be nicer to your self, don't be an egocentric parasite, be effing human being with a shred of self worth and respect ahhhhrhrrhrrrrr

[Anonymous No.19467569]

>>19464149
can't see how you could have missed self importance, preference for comfort and all the other good stuff

[Anonymous No.19467577]

>New COVID variant
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I want my goddamn booster shot ASAP

[Anonymous No.19467592]

>>19467577
Well since it’s new, we have no vaccine for it.
Might as well skip it at this point.
Let’s go Brandon

[Anonymous No.19467600]

>>19467592
>Let’s go Brandon
You realize you guys are literally never going to win again right? The social media which made your 2016 rise possible now ensures you conservatives will never have the reach you once did. You lost and you're never winning again. You are defeated.

[Anonymous No.19467603]

>>19463360
Yeah, don’t take the second one. Likely you won’t die of it, but it’s probably going to hurt even more. Fuck the mandates. This shit could give us heart troubles in old age, fuck it.

[Anonymous No.19467608]

>>19465218
What happens once he "reads a book"? Do these problems just go away?
No one ought to read to ignore problems; in fact, one of the reasons one should read is to be inspired and to solve problems.
Seethe. Cope. Dilate.

[Anonymous No.19467627]

boomer remover virus went off the rails

[Anonymous No.19467643]

>>19467600
I’m a far leftist. We’ve never won in US elections, unless you count the mild reforms of the Roosevelt administration, which I don’t.
There’s a kernel of leftism in the so-called reactionary right and that’s our shared desire for freedom. The real left was split up and mixed with the rightwing.
Look at these fools on the “left” cheering on censorship. They’re toady bootlickers. Either dem or gop supporter are.

[Anonymous No.19467662]

>>19467643
Have you seen this?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/11/19/progressives-have-republican-soulmate-senate-his-name-is-josh-hawley/

It really seems like something like Buchananite "economic nationalism" is emerging. If the left would just allow for national-based socialism in the interim as a prelude to the resurrection of their international workers' movements, they would find an entire country already receptive to them. I consider myself third position because I just think the utopian internationalism of modern leftists is a red herring deliberately designed to distract them and planted in their minds by modern bourgeois academia/the culture industry.

I would gladly work with any leftist to create a robust workers' movement. If he thinks that will "inevitably" lead to a stateless utopia in 50 years, fine whatever, as long as he's not actively working with globalists to fuck workers because "the Davos globalists are right about no borders."

[Anonymous No.19467667]

Do you guys read book introductions? I'm reading Iliad (Fagles) and the introduction bores me to death.

[Anonymous No.19467676]

>>19467667
yeah if it's non-fiction

[Anonymous No.19467678]

>>19467643
I mean, you guys are backed by a literal superpower (China) and have a massive sway in American higher education, media, and culture. I don't think the far left is quite as weak as it likes to portray itself.

[Anonymous No.19467685]

>>19467662
>I just think the utopian internationalism of modern leftists is a red herring deliberately designed to distract them and planted in their minds by modern bourgeois academia/the culture industry.
Bro Marx literally encouraged internationalism and saw the erosion of nationalism by capitalism as a good thing.

[Anonymous No.19467710]

>>19467685
He encouraged international cooperation but he didn't encourage the importation of scab labor to break up local labor solidarity. This is exactly the kind of flattened, nuanceless either/or thinking I'm talking about. "Well as a communist I'm for internationalism in a long term meta-historico-cosmo-teleological sense, therefore I should support international finance capitalism in its self-proclaimed efforts to destroy labor solidarity by allowing depressed migrant labor to flood into every developed economy."

Marx explicitly spoke out against this, as did every other socialist. Obviously capitalists are going to want to open the gates and let in a thousand impoverished third worlders who will work for peanuts when a general strike is being threatened by local labor.

It's logically analogous to saying "My future anarchist utopia will be pacifist since there will be no need to fight; I should therefore be pacifist now even as this state tries to kill me and everybody like me." That pacifist, internationalist future is not going to be reached by collaborating with Bezos.

[Anonymous No.19467722]

>>19467643
You will never be a woman.

[Anonymous No.19467723]

on my mind right now is "How do I proceed to share the works of carlos castaneda?" I feel it can be meaningful for me to do just that. I have read all his books and if my heart was a bookshelf, those books were the ones I'd put there.

[Anonymous No.19467726]

>>19467723
Are you at least aware of the charges that have been made against him? I see him as a dark figure partly because the books are so enchanting, and that's what makes the way he conducted himself so tragic.

[Anonymous No.19467765]

My mother is a walking disaster and can’t seem to get along with anyone. This wouldn’t bother me so much were it not that I had to subject myself to her drama and berating every time I see her.

[Anonymous No.19467853]

>>19461777
how do I start liking myself?

[Anonymous No.19467940]

Awful lot of shitposting on /lit/ today. I'm gonna take a nap and surely the jannie will have cleaned it up by the time I wake up.

[Anonymous No.19468011]

>>19462214
>>19462128
>>19462097
I feel no shame. You have to do whatever it takes to get ahead

[Anonymous No.19468029]

>>19467192
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's like our sense of smell is very closely related to the feeling of "being alive" that everyone experiences which allows them to process emotions. And it's not just the act of smelling certain things that matters (since it triggers a ton of emotions), but physically breathing through your nose and experiencing all the sensations that are -supposed- to be there when that happens is also crucial. Like me, for you there's probably close to zero sensation involved in breathing through your nose - it's almost totally numb. But right now for instance, I feel more than usual, there's a slight "taste" or "quality" to the breathing and it's not completely numb. Even small changes like this are extremely noticeable.

I guess like me you've also realized this "smell" thing is key to feeling emotions again, and that we probably won't ever feel normal again unless our sense of smell also comes back too, yeah? For me the crazy thing is realizing that this smell concept was central to the act of feeling emotions all my life, and I never realized it until recently. It's insane, isn't it? But it's true. I think you and me have witnessed a part of the human experience only a very tiny fraction of the human race ever experiences. To think like 99.9% of people go their lives not valuing what they have, not knowing their emotions can just disappear and they can dissolve into a soulless husk for no apparent reason, it's incredible.

I think if we ever regain our former selves, we'll never take things for granted again. It's hard to go through something like this and come out totally unchanged.

[Anonymous No.19468087]

>>19467219
This is what makes me go mad. So was it just when I was a kid that this was possible? Am I conflating two things, or were they really related? Did I get some forgettable flu that damaged my sinuses at 16, and all my unhappiness and deadness since then has been a result of that? What do I even do with this information?

>>19468029
You're describing exactly my feelings on it, it's amazing we've even had the same trains of thought in reaction to the realization. The "being alive" thing is what I was trying to capture with flipping between colorblindness and suddenly remembering "oh yeah this is what reality is actually like." And the maddening thought that this is how it really is, it's always there and everybody else gets it for free, you're the one who got fucked out of it by some accident or who knows what.

You are right, it's not just smelling certain things. That has made it hard to explain to others, because that's what they assume I must mean. But it's everything. Suddenly even the way random street smells smell reminds me of my whole life-history of smelling that smell in vivid imagery I can almost taste. Like living within nostalgia.

I wish I were like you and it would activate permanently. For me it happens almost like a deja vu episode once in a great while, and it's always just out of reach, like it's only there enough to remind me that I don't have it, it's already gone as I notice it. It's not something I can be "in." By some freak accident I had it for a full 30 minutes several months back, and I was almost crying because I knew I couldn't figure out what I did right or how to do it again, and I knew it would leave me again. Sometimes it seems to be physiologically triggered, sometimes an extreme and unreplicable burst of emotions triggers it for a while. But other times nothing.

I hope it never leaves you, and that you somehow learn the secret of this shit and spread the word. Who knows how many people are suffering because of this.

[Anonymous No.19468106]

I'm listening to Rossini, I'm having fun. And btw is it just me or has /lit/ been its absolute apex in recent weeks. Incredible posting all round. What a time to be alive.

[Anonymous No.19468110]

>>19468087
>Did I get some forgettable flu that damaged my sinuses at 16, and all my unhappiness and deadness since then has been a result of that?
I think it’s the other way around - being depressed makes you less attuned to the small beautiful parts of nature.
I think when the veil of depression is temporarily lifted, smell just happens to be the most notable change.

[Anonymous No.19468170]

dear penthouse,
what exactly is wrong if it bothers me a lot when a woman I left is now fucking other men?
thanks,
X

[Anonymous No.19468284]

Anybody on /lit/ have advice for making a study schedule? I am planning on taking the LSAT in January or February. Asking here because /his/ is a shithole.

[Anonymous No.19468332]

in a room of 100 men, 2 have a larger penis than me and 4 have a thicker one, I salute the guy who beats me in both

I told this to a friend and he got insecure around me afterwards, he was the one boasting about his sexual accomplishments and how he "knows how to fuck", well, I didn't know I have to "know" lol

I do not apologize for being the guy who reveals stats about his penis size the second some guy starts talking about sex, it's the shortest path to shutting them up

[Anonymous No.19468351]

>>19467853
I wish I knew. I’ve hated myself since at least college age. It’s a constant battle between forgetting and being aware, but never overcoming.

[Anonymous No.19468358]

Do you ever feel far more immature and some stunted developmentally than you should be? I’m 28 and i feel like I’m at where I should’ve been at 18.

[Anonymous No.19468369]

>>19468358
same, and same age too.

[Anonymous No.19468372]

>>19468358
same but older

[Anonymous No.19468402]

>>19468087
I'm actually still in the same boat as you, I can't say anything has "returned" yet. For me it's just been very brief sensations occurring randomly over the past week. I should also mention that I quit sugar recently, so maybe that contributes to this and it's not just the dream thing. But my case is actually really unusual judging from the accounts I've read about this - they seem to function more like you, where everything just flickers back on at once (even if it shuts off soon after), whereas for me it's really small changes. But since I got this way through very small changes happening over time, rather than a sudden shift like most people, it would also make sense that the process of reversing it goes in the same pace.

>And the maddening thought that this is how it really is, it's always there and everybody else gets it for free, you're the one who got fucked out of it by some accident or who knows what.
Yeah, it is quite maddening. I was extremely upset by it for a while (around 2017 or 2018), and then just got used to it. Eventually it fades into this thing you're constantly aware of at all times, but can't really get upset over because it's just the new normal for you.

>Who knows how many people are suffering because of this.
I have a feeling this always existed, and there's no history of it because it's so hard to convince or explain to anyone what you're going through. Talking to you is a rare instance where someone understands what I mean in a literal sense, and vice versa, right? But take someone like the guy who replied to you for instance. He can't understand what we're talking about because it's so far from normal human existence that healthy people just can't understand it, it's not possible. So I imagine there have been countless people throughout history like us who struggled alone because no one could possibly understand the problem. In that sense, I'm really grateful to be born in the current era, and anyone with this issue should be too honestly.

[Anonymous No.19468406]

Please God, let the people in this thread find peace.

[Anonymous No.19468408]

I get told that I'm strong and dedicated for going through what i have. I don't feel strong or proud. I don't feel good at all. I don't think i can through anything else better than others. Life is a sham.
If challenge really builds character then I want a redo.

[Anonymous No.19468439]

So patience is beautiful.
>>19468406
thank you anon.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.19468543]

A fellow asked me to write a poem off temperance however the thread died before I could post it, I’ll post it here and if he reposts the thread, post it there.

A sonnet for Sagittarius: Temperance

Topheth moloch’s Rod of hazel
Prophet’s frolic God and angel,
The waters rive the rivers earthly thrice
Then mingle with the wine of paradise.

Gaambols happy heifers holy
Rambles shabby beggars lowly,
The prison bodily bars thee
But palaces thy deity.

Nightmare dreams wanes revealing light
Light-bare gleams twains resealing night,
The arrow in circle spiral
has burned away the things trifle.

Behold gay sun and sunflower
Bower-one and none may withhold.

[Anonymous No.19468560]

maybe forgiveness is not about the thing that happened but rather about not wanting the other person to suffer anymore, regardless

[Anonymous No.19468675]

lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself :(

[Anonymous No.19468677]

I feel so dull. My intuition is gone.

[Anonymous No.19468706]

>>19468560
forgiveness is an act on oneself

[Anonymous No.19468719]

>>19468706
but what if the relationship goes on... what if you don't think it's resolved?

[Anonymous No.19468749]

>>19468719
if I forgive you, it is a burden off of me. but even with my forgiveness, you might still feel guilt. only you can forgive yourself of this. my forgiveness of you might help you, but it is not the decider. I have forgiven myself for many things I have not been forgiven for, and there are many things I have been forgiven for that I have not forgiven myself for.

[Anonymous No.19468766]

whatever

[Anonymous No.19468796]

>>19468749
interesting, thank you. I remember being in kindergarten and someone wronged me and they told me to forgive the person, and I just remember thinking "but they did the thing, this changes nothing". and I've kind of been like that since I think. I don't understand.

[Anonymous No.19468836]

>>19468796
I agree with you, "I forgive you" has always seemed a strange thing to say, like you have just decided it. I guess it means "I promise not to use it against you," but even that can't be promised if you haven't truly forgiven them.

[Anonymous No.19469470]

vator finally arrives at the correct floor. The door opens painfully slowly, the world is against me. I remember she is, of course, on the women’s side of the building. I walk down the hallway, the white cinderblock walls reflect the fluorescent white light. Of course they did not even bother to replicate the blonde light of the sun. The buzz resonates off the walls. I arrive at her room. I knock. I knock again.
Oh you are here she says. Wearing a bathrobe and towel turban, there she is. Her black curls escape from her head dress. I clear my throat and put the case of beer at my feet. Enough for two people I say. She goes into the suite, barely a suite. A bedroom and a shared bathroom for 3 people. She says I just got back from the mayo clinic up there in minnesota. They put electrodes on her head to cure the depression. And the anxiety. I say oh that's interesting. She takes her shirt off. Then her bra. I hold her breasts in my hands. We drift off into sleep.
I wake up. I feel her breasts in my hands even though one hand is asleep. I smell her shampoo. Its intense and large. The sun crawls through the window. Her black curls fill my vision and invade her back. I look through the window and see the university soccer field. I clear my throat now. She says treat me to breakfast. We get dressed in yesterdays clothes. We leave the building i say its cold outside. Her breath lingers in the cold dry air and I smoke a marlboro red.
We walk downtown; we stop by the bookstore cafe. We drink our coffee as we watch the cars go by. I can tell shes sad, we go back to the dorm. Do you love me she says. I don’t know. She removes her clothes and there she is. Her mind lays upon her skin and her nakedness brings it into the light and I say nothing. The scars upon her thighs speak to me and it is now that I know the severity. Memories are messages from the deep.
She says its nothing. I am over it she says. She grasps my shoulders. Lets make love she says. She makes love. I have sex. Or is it the other way around. I am confused. Memories are messages from the deep. She loo

[Anonymous No.19469537]

I don't believe anyone is 100% heterosexual.

[Anonymous No.19469594]

I’m beginning to feel very black pilled about my personal ambitions, art, the state of art, and most importantly, the potential for art over the course of my lifetime.

[Anonymous No.19469603]

>>19469537
I think a small portion of people are, roughly the same as those who are truly homosexual. Most people are pansexual to some degree.

[Anonymous No.19469822]

My social media feed constantly oscillates between being extremely left wing and right wing.

[Anonymous No.19469831]

How would you go about operating on instinct and intuition rather than rational intellect?

[Anonymous No.19469840]

>>19469822
Realizing that most Americans aren't communists and are actually somewhat opposed to communism was one of the biggest whitepills in my life desu. All is not lost.

[Anonymous No.19469860]

I can't stop thinking about licking asian girl's feet.

[Anonymous No.19469910]

>>19469860
wow sauce?

[Anonymous No.19469940]

>>19469603
What the fuck does that even mean. Sexual this sexual that. What a load of shit

[Anonymous No.19469946]

>>19469940
it means "i was exposed to hardcore pornography before age 10 and/or was possibly abused as a child"

[Anonymous No.19469951]

>>19469603
Yeah, basically this.

[Anonymous No.19470003]

>>19461777
Thought for once I was in a naturally good mood. Was just the caffeine rush. The coffee wanes and I'm back to my usual shit mood.

[Anonymous No.19470005]

>>19469946
Porn has caused so much harm

[Anonymous No.19470014]

>>19469946
>>19470005
You sound like some sad old church bitches.

[Anonymous No.19470016]

well its almost 9 o clock. time for me to shut down the PC and live a little before bed.

goodnight frens

[Anonymous No.19470024]

>>19470014
You sound like someone who thinks happiness is what happens when you drugs or masturbate

[Anonymous No.19470029]

>>19470024
I'm doing neither right now and I'm pretty goddamn happy.
Not sure why, just felt great lately.

[Anonymous No.19470036]

>>19467192
>Sometimes when I'm hung over and recovering, or sick, or just for no reason randomly, my sense of smell will come back, and it's like I'm suddenly flooded with memories and emotions I haven't felt in years.
Holy shit other people experience this? Whenever I get hungover I get this too I can suddenly smell again and my thinking becomes sharp like a fog has lifted. Usually doesn't last long.

[Anonymous No.19470046]

>>19470029
>right now

[Anonymous No.19470049]

I got addicted to custom romance fiction on Fiverr last year. It was the only place to go for what I wanted. They were around 50 bucks a pop and I got at least 20 orders. Thankfully, I quit it. The author messaged me today asking if I was feeling okay. I can't fall back into the trap

[Anonymous No.19470056]

>>19470014
You sound like a pervert

[Anonymous No.19470068]

>>19470056
I am. So what?
I like being perverted.

[Anonymous No.19470072]

>>19470068
Case in point

[Anonymous No.19470077]

>>19470072
Yeah, really.
I'm failing to see the issue here.

[Anonymous No.19470268]

The thing that bothers me most, which I’ve been infected with from my love of literature, is the glaring, gaping, burning awareness that my life, and indeed the life of my contemporaries, unlike those of days past (at least some of them) has no grand narrative to it. There is no trajectory, no formative life experience which occurs in youth, no vocation, no foreshadowing event, nothing. It’s as if fate itself has totally abandoned us to history and left us victims to the worst possible outcome - to feel one’s life to be utterly pointless.

[Anonymous No.19470306]

>>19470268
The point of life to is get rich enough to have kids and give them a comfortable life.

[Anonymous No.19470399]

>>19470077
That much is clear

[Anonymous No.19470572]

>>19470306
I just don’t believe that. At least, not in any universal sense. Regardless, it doesn’t have much to do with what I said to be honest.

[Anonymous No.19470627]

The Great Cataclysm approaches.
How strange it is, to be born into the End Times!

[Anonymous No.19470943]

oc me wrote while bored and high. :)
Autumn was a metallic color for me this time around. It was the aging red paint on the walls, fading somehow to the deep red tone of an apple in shade, welcoming the hellish shapes of yellow leaves and ashes as they fall past my crusted grating window. I could see those metallic walls and towers even if I lie down, and neither did they spare me the moon's zealous glow at night, and allow me the luxury of imagination upon a black background, allowing some sort of punctuation from the wicked mammalian sounds crawling through the halls and chambers. The fog was persistent, almost blended part of the architecture, and the rain sounded soft yet muffling, and the sounds of rifles cracking, twitching the ears and disturbing any thought longer than a moment. The face of the officer's statue in the foreground, the folds of his rich face hide his demonic skull, with a face plump as a Buddhist statue but not enough to hide the shape of his hungry leer. The wind sweeps the dust back up, darkening the air, and the next line of men stand with straight backs towards the executioners, a man on the far end from my viewing catches my eye: his skin a stone grey accentuating an angular but worn jaw, mouth calm and still, eyes looking somewhere forward; something small, hopeless, but steeled bounces around his wrinkled eyes like fish darting through a pond. Then they fall into vague silhouettes, anonymous, and the court is quieter than the drizzle, boots stamp and disappear into the distance, and I look away and try to blind my eyes with the silver glow of noon, and try to imagine a life after this nightmare.

[Anonymous No.19470945]

>>19470627
I understand what you mean by this on a much deeper level than you may think

[Anonymous No.19470952]

How to know myself? I try to analize dreams but I feel like I cannot understand besides anything completely obvious.

[Anonymous No.19470953]

Taking a shit rn

[Anonymous No.19470998]

one day this world will bask under the glorious sun of mao like a lizard on their rock

[Anonymous No.19471003]

how can I learn to construct a nice letter?
I want to write in thanks of something somebody did, but my writing is that of a fool who can't express himself properly

[Anonymous No.19471009]

>>19471003
read nice letters, and steal from them

[Anonymous No.19471018]

>>19471003
Just bee yourself and write from the heart. A heartfelt but inelegant letter is more touching than a studied copy of "good writing".

[Anonymous No.19471048]

>>19467726
I don't look at him, I look/see/pay attention to the non-fraudulent knowledge which he, moved by whatever you want to call it, shed light into. In a way he was a peon, the peon on which fell the charge of bringing to light a particular way of knowledge. I'm doing just the same, opening a door to more people. A lot of words are just claims, be it morally accepted or not, how far one goes into learning depends on each one. I think a lot of people came after him that expounded and still do expound on this knowledge. Yes, I am inviting people's curiosity. Doubting is a choice, hope is a choice, having no doubts is also a choice. I started a journey with his books, ... I look at your comment and it confuses me, because I choose to be confused by it. Still, I have the pratices, pratical doing and experiences I have lived that spell: no doubt. No doubt about what I can take from the books. the "thing" he tapped into was already there before him, and continues to exist after him or despite his conduct. I tapped into that. I feel a lot of people are cleaning up the mess he made in his lifetime, which is just the thing that needs to be done. also man vs work.

[Anonymous No.19471167]

>>19461777
Listened to a recording of myself and it helped align my self image.

[Anonymous No.19471294]

thinking about little caesars

[Anonymous No.19471392]

>>19461777

[Anonymous No.19471408]

>>19471167
Ive experienced this myself. I wanted to improve my speaking voice, so I picked short stories or excerpts from books and read them allowed. Then I listened to an audiobook recording with a narrator I like and I compared the two, paying attention to where the emphasis is, the pace, the articulation etc. Overall it's a good exercise but the first time I heard myself I was expecting to cringe, but I actually became endeared to myself, and I sounded surprisengly earnest and simple. I reccomend anyone to do this.

[Anonymous No.19471528]

Everyone's got something
And they're out tryin' to get some more
They got something to get up for
Well, I ain't about to

Nothin's gonna happen
Nothin's gonna change

[Anonymous No.19471639]

I just realized my contact lens was torn on the edge. I read that it could damaged my cronea or something so I took it out. Now I'm paranoid as fuck.

[Anonymous No.19471646]

>>19461820
>"University training is the education which gives a man a clear conscious view of his own opinions and judgments, a truth in developing them, an eloquence in expressing them, and a force in urging them. It teaches him to see things as they are, to go right to the point, to disentangle a skein of thought, to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant."

[Anonymous No.19471663]

Thinking of how the new cyber-feudalist order might bring about a new generation of great artists and scientists through the children of the new lords, who will once again be free from from toil and unshackled from bourgeois notions of "work ethic".

[Anonymous No.19471668]

>>19470945
>I understand what you mean by this on a much deeper level than you may think
Not that anon but I have the same feeling towards both of you.

[Anonymous No.19471681]

I am in the old city center with my mom, in the back seat of the car, looking on the window at some arthoe who literally looks like a demon.

[v_v !!+e0M0fBMYzt No.19471734]

just donated 50 hard earned dollars to snopes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhoVMchYhdo

[Anonymous No.19471745]

>>19471734
cringe if real, cringe if not

[Anonymous No.19471764]

>>19471639
False alarm. Got it checked, I'm fine. My eye is just dry

[v_v !!+e0M0fBMYzt No.19471933]

as much black coffee as it takes to have a fucking heart attack

[Anonymous No.19472223]

Should I start weightlifting? I personally am convinced that it will be detrimental to other ambitions I have for myself but I do want to build muscle, improve my posture, and generally have something to do.

[Anonymous No.19472233]

reading Larkin's letters, he makes an Emily Dick-in-son joke

[Anonymous No.19472240]

>>19471681
good post

[Anonymous No.19472274]

>>19470005
Especially your moms

[Anonymous No.19472435]

I want to know about history, but historians write like crap.

They spit out events and data without any passion.

[Anonymous No.19472454]

i can't engage in discussions

[Anonymous No.19472465]

when is it time to leave for good? i've been here for eight years

[Anonymous No.19472482]

Has anyone here kept the same hours as the monks in The Name of the Rose do? I've got next week off work, and I'm thinking of trying to see if I could manage it.

[Anonymous No.19472500]

>>19472465
As soon as possible is the best answer always.

[Anonymous No.19472501]

I just read Musashi, r8 my meme

[Anonymous No.19473316]

I'm going to get fired soon.

[Anonymous No.19473435]

>>19472223
Yes. It's good for your mental health, it gives you something to track progress against, plus the gym is a motivating environment in itself in that you are around people who also want to improov. Get talking to some people there if you can.

[Anonymous No.19473437]

>>19473316
change is good
>>19472435
read better historians

[Anonymous No.19473444]

>>19472223
anything is better than passivity, but i usually advocate for cardio and calisthenics instead of weightlifting, which is not that healthy

[Anonymous No.19473463]

I want to order some really fucking good pizza but the restauraunt is not taking orders atm (due to it being full and delivery having shittier contribution margin) and will close soon.

[Anonymous No.19473499]

interesting article in the wsj today about how the cia is getting their ass handed to them by the mass surveillance in authoritarian countries. there's nothing you aren't already aware of if you've studied information security at all, but still a fun read.

[Anonymous No.19473562]

I don’t really care what I do for work but I don’t want to work at a computer anymore.

[Anonymous No.19473568]

>>19473444
I walk a lot. That will probably not change until I can’t walk anymore.

[Anonymous No.19473584]

>>19473562
I know how dull it is to spend 40 hours at a computer doing work that isn't fulfilling. I've found that driving out to get lunch and seeing the bright day gives me a boost of happiness.

[Anonymous No.19473628]

>>19473584
I just ended up doing it. I never anticipated it. I just discovered that’s what it was one day and I think that’s what happened to most people.

Ideally, I want something that I can feel like will help my writing, or at least not hurt it. I have no idea what that is or if it even exists.

[Anonymous No.19473640]

Ever since March 2020, or perhaps even earlier, I have been asleep to life. I have not grown in any meaningful way: I have not progressed in my life skills, I have lost the ability to think, I have lost the ability to sleep without distraction, I cannot focus, I cannot seem to find the bravery and mental/physical strength to confront my life, I have gained, lost my hair, and gained tremendous chronic pain in multiple parts of my body. My life has basically become distraction after distraction due to my tremendous physical pain and mental fatigue.

Please somebody help me. I don't know what to do.

[v_v !!+e0M0fBMYzt No.19473672]

hatred,disinhibition etc you already know

[Anonymous No.19473684]

>>19472233
kek

[Anonymous No.19473686]

Which way am i supposed to run if i want to escape the darkness but i see no light from where i am?

[Anonymous No.19473698]

>>19473628
>Ideally, I want something that I can feel like will help my writing, or at least not hurt it. I have no idea what that is or if it even exists.
I'm in the same boat anon and have no answers. My work has me on the laptop for 9 hours with software and in meetings. I just don't have the mental capacity to write at the end of it.

[Anonymous No.19473722]

>>19462817
Based

[Anonymous No.19473763]

>>19473640
>Please somebody help me. I don't know what to do.
Unironically go to therapy so you have someone to talk to and dont have to beg for advice on the internets. Myself i feel much the same, but i remember that i started reading during quarantine and i feel better

[Anonymous No.19473766]

>>19463208
Make it not-a-waste. Live fully now.

[Anonymous No.19473810]

>>19464373
I'm not even american. Geez anon I want that now.

[Anonymous No.19473816]

New thread
>>19473814

[Anonymous No.19473841]

>>19464866
>Long-term memories slowly began to disappear
Same, brother. That's trauma. Memories come back at the strangest time.

[Anonymous No.19473862]

>>19473859
>>19473859
>>19473859

[Anonymous No.19473875]

>>19473862
There’s already a threads that’s been up for more than ten minutes. Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.19473880]

>>19473875
yeah and it's ass

[Anonymous No.19473897]

>>19463923
Jesus loves you anon please no self hate. I'll pray for you

[Anonymous No.19473909]

>>19467765
Talk to her before she dies anon

[Anonymous No.19473921]

>>19473880
It's a fucking WWOYM thread. They're all ass, dumbfuck

[Anonymous No.19473940]

>>19468358
24 same

[Anonymous No.19473985]

>>19470003
heh, same

[Anonymous No.19474025]

>>19473921
deep

[Anonymous No.19474035]

>>19473698
I’ve experienced exactly that with writing sometimes. In some respects I’m very lucky because my job is remote, it does not demand long hours, or difficult work, but it’s still defeating in its own way. There’s something about it. I don’t know. It’s this big systematic bureaucracy of digital mask wearing and it’s just somehow detrimental to art. I don’t know how exactly, but I know it is. It’s not organic. It’s not real. And it feels totally inescapable, unavoidable.

I’m thinking about becoming a teacher, just to try it out. I’d work in some small town, get to get away from the spreadsheets and the consultants and all that. The only thing stopping me is the credentialism involved in becoming a teacher along with the fact that I have no interest whatsoever and in my former field of study.

[Anonymous No.19474073]

>>19474035
You are absolutely right. Digital life isn't real but it is all consuming and ever growingly hungry.

I'm considering a postgrad degree in writing. Maybe that'll allow me to shift my life more towards writing.

I wish you well in your teaching endeavours, friend. Godspeed

[Anonymous No.19474108]

>>19473499
Can I have a link ?

[Anonymous No.19474220]

>>19473862
You dumbfuck. See what you did.

[Anonymous No.19474234]

New thread
>>19474227

[Anonymous No.19474467]

>>19474073
Writing what?

[Anonymous No.19474554]

>>19474467
Creative writing. The workshops and networking and mentoring really appeal to me. There are some great scholarship opportunities that I might try to go for since they'd cover all expenses.

[Anonymous No.19475131]

>>19474554
What would you do with it though? I mean, there’s no job it lends itself to so you’d presumably try to write stories but you don’t need a degree to do that, do you?

[Anonymous No.19475252]

>>19475131
Yeah, those are good questions and honestly I've been struggling with it a bit. On one hand, the environment and mentoring and workshops and networking would be really valuable in both improving my skills and working. But honestly a lot of people online have said it's not a good idea to do a creative writing degree. But idek man.

I just felt it would be a good way to get where I want my life to be. And since I can get a scholarship, I figured it's a pretty good way to get where i wanna get

[Anonymous No.19475257]

>>19475252
*and working the market (i.e. getting published)