Books on ragaining integrity

[Anonymous No.21753017]

Hello goys, I used to be a guy with unbreakable integrity until, a couple years ago, I started to compromize my principles and strength of character for the promise of some pussy. Now it feels like I tainted my soul and I cannot be forgiven because I did deliberately bad and self-destructive things even though I knew it better. How to get rid of this feel and what books can give insight on that?

It helped to read the New Testament and some writings from saints and psychiatric writings but whenever I finish these books I am haunted by the feeling that I cannot redeem myself and get back feel like I am about to break my moral code and personal principles again.

[Anonymous No.21753019]

>>21753017
>ragaining

[Anonymous No.21753065]

>>21753019
kek

[Anonymous No.21753067]

>>21753017
Spent less time on the internet you fucking schizo kek

[Anonymous No.21753071]

>>21753067
Did not help.

[Anonymous No.21753081]

>>21753017
1. Confess
2. Repent
3. Eucharist
Repeat until you die.

[Anonymous No.21753096]

>>21753017
This is a necessary process for all authentic human beings. You are a mortal, fallible. In short, you're not all that your ego thinks it is. But that is not to say you must mire in the filth you have experienced. I think the solution is always highly individualised, as the problem is highly personal. But personally, I suppose you could say there was the gradual building of strength, to the point where I can face my past actions and stand on the moral certainty I once did.

[Anonymous No.21753097]

>>21753017
>It helped to read the New Testament and some writings from saints
>I am haunted by the feeling that I cannot redeem myself
That's kind of the point.

[Anonymous No.21753116]

>>21753097
What I mean is that I cannot cleanse myself. Once in a while I feel like there is filth inside my body and mind, too corrupted to heal fully.

>>21753081
I do that but the priest is not a good confessor. He does not want to hear the specifics of the sins committed and he forgets to give penances.

>>21753096
In a sense I guess you are right. I fell back into habits before coming back to Christ and committed sins worse than before. Feels like a chord a severed that cannot be attached again.

[Anonymous No.21753128]

>>21753116
>What I mean is that I cannot cleanse myself. Once in a while I feel like there is filth inside my body and mind, too corrupted to heal fully.
If you could cleanse yourself, you'd need neither Son nor Holy Spirit. Just accept your fallibility and put your faith in the redemptive efficacy of the Cross.

[Anonymous No.21753147]

>>21753116
>I fell back into habits before coming back to Christ and committed sins worse than before. Feels like a chord a severed that cannot be attached again.
I cannot speak for you, but in me grew an unfathomable degree of hatred and disgust with my entire world. If I have lost my soul, I can at last reject everything. From this strength I built up a moral identity. Sometimes it's not a matter of knowing, but just impetus. Wherever you find that impetus, say, if you are a stubborn individual, in pride, that's your source for strength. You need to find the strength that YOU as a man can always depend upon, otherwise you failed the at the very beginning of the race.

[Anonymous No.21753160]

>>21753116
Join AA.

[Anonymous No.21753172]

>>21753116
Despair is an indicator of demonic oppression. Get an exorcism and unction. Also fasting and prayer as per Matthew 17:14-21, Mark 9:17-29.

Pray these:

https://prioryfellowship.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/saint-john-chrysostom-.pdf

https://prioryfellowship.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/st-basils-defence.pdf

[Anonymous No.21753184]

>>21753128
I hope this is not some OSAS shilling.

>>21753147
>Wherever you find that impetus, say, if you are a stubborn individual, in pride, that's your source for strength. You need to find the strength that YOU as a man can always depend upon, otherwise you failed the at the very beginning of the race.
I feel like I cannot go back to that strength, which was my sense of discrimination. I was not proud of many things but one was my lifelong sense of purity and discrimination and the high standards that went with that.

I got involved with trash women and degenerate people and entertained some degenerate behaviors. I did not defend my faith and people and blood as I should have. I was more lukewarm despite all the blessings God provided for me. No I cannot build up the virtues, like my character is off. With the state of mind I got also baptized and feel like this is why I cannot outgrow it.

>>21753172
On some days it feels like it. I get sudden bouts of rage and lose my sense of self while in the past I would have been well composed irregardless of what was happening. It feels like I get punished for being baptized Catholic, which happened two years ago.

And thanks for the prayers.

[Anonymous No.21753200]

>>21753184
>I feel like I cannot go back to that strength, which was my sense of discrimination. I was not proud of many things but one was my lifelong sense of purity and discrimination and the high standards that went with that.
This is part of my point. This is your ego. Like Oedipus you are facing an entirely different perception of your self and it is ruining your world, but it is still your self. And the noble part of yourself is not dead. This is a process, it's not a decision. You may have to suffer in the passage of time, but you should find a new strength in yourself after it.

[Anonymous No.21753201]

>>21753017
>"mental wellbeing"
>prayer hands

[Anonymous No.21753204]

>>21753017
https://vocaroo.com/1mieATxu8BHo

Keep it up sinner

[Anonymous No.21753210]

>>21753200
Thank you for your insight. Things go slowly better over time and the more strenght builds up the more I realize about myself.

>>21753204
I know the original thread. I use it in my next podcast episode.

[Anonymous No.21753274]

>>21753116
>I do that but the priest is not a good confessor. He does not want to hear the specifics of the sins committed and he forgets to give penances.
Doesn't matter sounds like you are suffering from excess scrupulosity https://library.sydneycatholic.org/ask-a-priest/2017/scrupulosity-and-confession/

[Anonymous No.21753282]

>>21753184
>lifelong sense of purity
You realize this doesn't exist, right? Saints were sinners and impure - Mother Theresa went to confession daily.

[Anonymous No.21753283]

>>21753017
Crazy that there are some people so involved in the culture war that they take the time to make propaganda infographs or pictures

[Anonymous No.21753302]

>>21753017
I hate that I'm not 100% sure that the infographic is sarcastic

[Anonymous No.21753305]

>>21753302
It’s clearly a passive aggressive alt right person playing around with clip art-esque images

[Anonymous No.21753312]

>>21753184
>I hope this is not some OSAS shilling.
Nope. You should know that Catholics believe that grace and redemption and salvation are an unmerited gift and salvation in particular is sola gratia and solus Christus (a point of agreement with Protestants). You participate in your salvation, but you don't redeem yourself.
Your mindset is holding you back. Just trust God, bro. Keep repenting, keep participating in the Sacraments, keep fighting the good fight, but don't give in to a defeatist mentality. Trust that Christ is greater than your sin.

[Anonymous No.21753361]

>>21753282
I did not say I never sinned I said that I knew intuitively what was right and wrong and abided by it more often than not.

>>21753274
I watched a certain kind of porn that was disturbing and I only confessed that I watched porn but never the kind of porn it was. Even though it was a one time thing my priest never wants specifics about the amount of sin you committed or specifics. No other sins cause me trouble. Maybe you are right. I asked him last time if I should tell him how often and what I watched (not in detail) but he said it is not necessary.

>>21753312
Thanks for your good words. Saintly literature always lives me up, and I had that indestructable faith in Christ no matter how low I fell. I will do my best and rebuild my faith in God, however that is possible.

[Anonymous No.21753365]

>>21753361
>No other sins cause me trouble
*No other sins give me scruples

[Anonymous No.21753373]

>>21753201
Praying is meditation.

[Anonymous No.21753382]

>>21753361
Your consciousness was probably traumatized by the porn because of how demonic it was and how disassociated you were while consuming it so it's all hitting you later. Just let it process itself but you mustn't hang on to it.

[Anonymous No.21753439]

>>21753305
It's accurate to some extent. The problem is the reactionary false dichotomy between hedonist pseudo-fascistic global corporate hegemony that pushes for social degenracy because it makes better consumer-slaves and then a moral-fascistic worldview in which the morals pushed by the state-corporation complex are that which honor "tradition" rather than hedonism. Conservatism and "alt-right" views problem is that they are incredibly ideologically inconsistent. Libertarianism is unironically the superior solution to the corporate-state hedonic pseudo-fascist model. Remove all the handouts and fiat currency that destabilize families and create perverse market incentives to destroy the family and destroy reason to save and be frugal with money, remove the 90% monopoly of state-corporare education, and remove property tax and progressive income tax in favor of land tax and all of these problems go away simply through reality of market incentive to create strong homeschool co-ops, keep families together because that is how to afford to do so, keep kids raised by parents and communities not the corporate-state, keep estates and homes inter-generationally instead of boom-bust interest rate cycles on shitty particleboard mcmansions. Literally every problem is a result of government being too big and having power that corporations can then co-control rather than provide value.

[Anonymous No.21753630]

>>21753382
I try to. I am too attached to bad things that happened in the past. When putting things into perspective, I was always spiritual and intellectually inclined, so for the first time in my life I got a taste of the material and what it means. I wanted to understand normalfags and what makes them addicted with material things. I got what I asked for and wish I never asked.

[Anonymous No.21753641]

>>21753630
You're gay now dude.

[Anonymous No.21753649]

This trinfinity site is a good course on meditation, presence, and empowerment that I took recently. I was already familiar with presence and non-duality to an extent, but this deepened it and gave me new ways to see myself and the world.
As for your guilt, your negative self-image, this will also give you tools to help get rid of that completely. The course is free and you can use a temp email to sign up and gain immediate access. Read through it, practice it, engage with the questions it asks you, and you will see yourself and the world in a new and better way. That guilt you speak of will be examined by yourself for its true value and you will let it go.

www.trinfinityacademy.com

Psycho-Cybernetics is also a good book on how to sort of reprogram yourself, how the mind works etc. Eckhart Tolle is also very good for a quick and easy guide into understanding and living non-dualism.

Also, go on /x/ and specifically on the LoA and manifestation general threads like >>>/x/34247991. They have resources that are all to do with this idea of taking control of your identity, your mind, and your reality. Yes, you may associate this with people who daydream all day about a Ferrari or for the receptionist to fall in love with them, and that is certainly one, lower aspect of the ideas, but at its core there is a sort of mindfulness and empowerment component that does really work to change how you see yourself, the world, and your relationship to everything.

[Anonymous No.21753700]

>>21753649
Thanks for the source. It looks like a mixture of things I heard about, such as Napoleon Hill's works, Wim Hof breathing method, bioenergetics, Elliott Hulse's videos and so on.

[Anonymous No.21753775]

>>21753700
If you start to look into these things you will see a lot of cross-over, cross-referencing; you will notice certain ideas re-appearing under different names or seen or used from a slightly different perspective. It's good, it adds depth to your understanding, and sometimes you know, you can think you understand something but then you encounter it in a new way, or with a slight twist, and it opens the whole thing up to you. The goal in all of these things is, essentially, not to 'know' how to live or how to think/perceive, but to live it, to get that deep knowledge that sits below the conscious mind, like how you know gravity keeps you on the ground. You keep going till you get to that point Rilke spoke of when you know "you must change your life".
I really do rate that course I posted so I hope you engage with that. Also, Psycho-Cybernetics was a fantastic book on how the mind can work for or against you.

I think, if you follow this road, you will realise that the only person condemning you is you yourself. In the story of Jesus and the prostitute, you may be surprised to reread it and see that Jesus never forgives her. He tells her he does not condemn her, and that she should go and sin no more. You see, when there is no condemnation, there is no need for forgiveness. The prostitute realised she had sinned, she learned the lesson from the experience, and so she could let that go and just live in alignment with her new truth. Jesus didn't judge her at all, she judged herself, and Jesus helped her to let go of that and apply the lesson she had learned without entering a useless loop of self-condemnation. That cycle of self-hatred and condemnation stops people from living a good and loving life that enriches themselves and others. For guilt, the best thing to do is learn the lesson and then let it all go.

[Anonymous No.21753800]

>>21753700
I know someone who took the course. It's bullshit. Bentinho Massaro is just another New Age cult leader and grifter selling Law of Attraction mixed with neo-Advaita. Napoleon Hill was actually demonic and a grifter. Eckhart Tolle was on Oprah. Just avoid that crap if you're gonna go down that road.
If you want non-dualism read Adi Shankara and Ramana Maharshi. If you want "magic" read Introduction to Magic and Meditations on the Tarot.

[Anonymous No.21753828]

>>21753800
I don't know about this guy but I am not surprised to hear that. I avoided Napoleon Hill and Eckhart Tolle and Neville Goddard and what's their names. I believe Wim Hof is legit but rebrands basic yoga breathing techniques as his own.

[Anonymous No.21753843]

>>21753775
Actually Jesus Christ forgave her under the condition to not sin more. I don't like New Age teachers re-interpreting doctrines and stories that have been set in stone for thousands of years.

[Anonymous No.21753917]

>>21753843
Here is the verse in question and a number of translations. There is no reference to forgiveness. He says he does not condemn her, he does not judge her. Please show me where forgiveness is mentioned in this story if you can, even if it is just one translation. Also just think it through: forgiveness requires an act that must be forgiven i.e. an act condemned, judged, which he explicitly says he does not do. There were no conditions set or terms laid out specifying future condemnation or judgement in this story.

https://biblehub.com/john/8-11.htm

The story aside though . . . that was just a teaching tool. My point stands without the story: if you do not condemn yourself, you do not need forgiveness, and any sense of guilt or shame will fall away. It is possible to not condemn yourself. It is also true that living with guilt and shame in such a way that you clam up and live in fear helps no one and must be overcome to live well for yourself and others.

[Anonymous No.21753948]

>>21753843
>I don't like New Age teachers re-interpreting doctrines
You can thank Martin Luther (piss be upon him) for that. You're 600 years too late to make that observation.

[Anonymous No.21754004]

>>21753917
It is implied you nigger. See all the other instances in which Jesus Christ forgives and He always gives that condition. Kill your old self and be reborn anew.

>>21753948
See pic related.

[Anonymous No.21754491]

>>21753017
It's easy you just: stop being a garbage human being.
You know what a garbage human being is and does. So, stop being that. Good luck.

[Anonymous No.21754592]

>>21753017
Read the three parables in Luke 15.
You are a child of god, and nothing you could ever do can change that fact. His grace is infinite.

[Anonymous No.21754613]

Why do you need a book?

[Anonymous No.21754818]

>>21753373
No it's a schizophrenic waste of time. Strength is within

[Anonymous No.21754863]

>>21753017
You won't find good books on the topic since /lit/ isn't about reading books, despite what its name might imply (this phenomenon is present on many other boards, such as /out/ and /ic/).

What I personally recommend doing is:
>realizing that you aren't your past self, you're better than him, or at least you should be better than him if you're not a faggot
in extreme cases,
>rewriting your moral code you fucking dumbass. You already did it during your childhood so why can't you do it now? Reflect upon the underlying issues of your current moral code and become the change you want to see within yourself. It's over if you can't do that.

[Anonymous No.21755111]

>>21753017
>alt right extremists
>aversion to pornography
>increased time spent outdoors
Guess 4chan isn't an alt right extremists website after all