/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.22981685]

What's the cringiest segment of the Bible?

[Anonymous No.22981690]

>>22981685
New Testament

[Anonymous No.22981692]

>>22981685
New Testament is pretty cringe, but I'm gonna be honest the pages and pages spent on describing how something is 'this many cubits by that many cubits' is pretty dull.

[Anonymous No.22981702]

>>22981685
The one where the thing happens

[Anonymous No.22981707]

>>22981685
Pauline epistles.

[Anonymous No.22981715]

>>22981685
that one time, when someone breaks into Moses' house, and Moses was asleep, so his wife circumcised her son, and with her son's foreskin she touched Moses' knee, scaring the burglar away

[Anonymous No.22981720]

King David smearing shit on the walls.

[Anonymous No.22981733]

>>22981715
I gotta try this trick myself6
Nothing scares nigger-thieves away more than circumcision.

[Anonymous No.22981758]

Solomon outing himself as a footfag.

[Anonymous No.22981776]

>I am black, but comely, O ye
daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
>Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
woke shit

[Anonymous No.22981784]

The pedo incest of Genesis 19:
[30] And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
[31] And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
[32] Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
[33] And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
[34] And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our Father.
[35] And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
[36] Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

[Anonymous No.22981891]

The New Testament is fundamentally cringe, and objectively bad writing. It just doesn't work. The Old Testament has a lot of weird garbage in it, but it is at least structured in a way that makes some basic sense.

[Anonymous No.22981894]

>>22981784
nah that's based

[Anonymous No.22981899]

>>22981891
I doubt you've actually read through the New Testament. Rather, I hope you're just posturing, for your own sake. There's still hope if that's the case.
If you've actually read it and came out actually thinking that, you're fucked.

[Anonymous No.22981901]

>>22981899
I have not read it in its entirety, almost no one has these days. If you have, defend it.

My main issue is it tells the same story 4 times (with some bonus nonsense at the end that doesn't seem to logically follow), and the message of it is so vague and cryptic that you can't possibly keep it consistent between different authors.

[Anonymous No.22982005]

>>22981715
>sleeps through the pained, scared screaming of a child being mutilated
>the touch of his blood rouses him like Dracula
Jews really are evil

[Anonymous No.22982076]

>>22981685
Go back to your shitty spinoff site, schizo faggot soiteen spammer.

[Anonymous No.22982337]

>>22981715
Verse?

[Anonymous No.22982350]

>>22981685
Cool, but the best section is where Abraham tries to Jew god down about how many non-anal rapists he can find in Soddom. God wants at least fifty but Abrahamic gets it down to 10. Genesis Chapter 18. Best passage in the entire Bible.

[Anonymous No.22982357]

>>22982350
And yet, shoddoma, capital of the gay rapists (tautological I know), got nuked

[Anonymous No.22982390]

>>22982337
I don't remember and can't even find it, but I'm pretty sure I've read it, and that there was even annotation that it's enigmatic text which even scholars don't know much about. Sorry, but it was somewhere in Exodus

[Anonymous No.22982409]

>>22982337
>>22982390
Its a wildly inaccurate telling of Jacob's circumcision in Exodus. The visitor in an angel, so that right away should tell you that this isnt just a normal night.

[Anonymous No.22982411]

All the Christmas faggotry

[Anonymous No.22982424]

Sermon on the mount.
Blatent socialism and faggotry.

[Anonymous No.22982430]

>>22982337
>>22982390
>>22982409
Alright, I actually looked in my Bible and found it. It's Exodus 4:24-26
>At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him.
>But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said.
>So the Lord let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.
I remembered it a little incorrectly, but yeah, it's a pretty fucking weird text

[Anonymous No.22982845]

Cringest part is the 12 prophet books at the end of old testament. God constantly whining about the tribes of Israel being illoyal whores and then begging them to come back. What a simp. I can't take a simp god seriously.

[Anonymous No.22982862]

>>22981776
>because the sun hath looked upon me
Are you just incapable of reading?

[Anonymous No.22982866]

>>22981685
Most things in the Old Testament

[Anonymous No.22982877]

>>22982430
I didnt say its not an odd passage, nor would I claim i have a solid understanding of the theological import. But clearly there is something going on beyond the direct text. If im not mistaken, I believe God had told Moses about circumcision had he had yet to do so.
>>22982845
You arent a simp if when youre disobeyed, you make people get slaughtered and enslaved for not listening

[Anonymous No.22982894]

>>22981901
Straight up brainlet. My goodness. I really hope you have a loving group of people around you to make sure you're eating and bathing because I sincerely think youre incapable of pulling it off yourself

[Anonymous No.22982919]

>>22981685
The part where it glorifies the concept of a Jewish scapegoat and says,
>see that guy who got beaten to death?! he's actually... le good and everyone who fucked him was bad! they will be punished in the afterlife! the meek shall inherit the earth! just make peace with your employer/master because good things are coming in the end when christ returns!

[Anonymous No.22982922]

>>22981685
>There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
The Old Testament is perverted.

[Anonymous No.22982926]

>>22981685
Hosea where it keeps comparing religious adherence to being a wife

Lmao christians really

Captcha: OT TG

[Anonymous No.22982935]

>>22982357
I wonder if the ancient Jews frequently got gay raped by their enemies and wrote this story as an elaborate cope and seethe.

[Anonymous No.22982936]

>>22982926
> Hosea where it keeps comparing religious adherence to being a wife
What’s wrong with that? This analogy is also used in nationalism. “You’re married to your country”. It means being loyal.

[Anonymous No.22982945]

>>22982877
I mean he didn't, even in the text it's just hilarious oh no a bad thing happened, clearly we didn't praise muh god hard enough, because you know being conquered by a series of mega empires was clearly caused by the god of a random tiny country vs the formations of the Persian and Alexanderian empires. Also pretty funny that the text of the book of Daniel predicts Alexander conquering Persia, and the first account we have of such a text is 200 years after said events kek.

[Anonymous No.22983188]

>>22982877
It was a symbol of the blood atonement. The angel of death was about to wreck all firstborn in Egypt (including Moses' and the Israelites') unless they displayed the blood that made him "pass over". The preceding verses deal with Pharaoh's firstborn. So the one the Lord went to kill was Gershom, not Moses.

[Anonymous No.22983265]

>>22981685
Everything Catholics added.

[Anonymous No.22983309]

>>22982862
I'm just joking around, the Song of Solomon is great.
Anyway, what's wrong with there being black people in the Bible?

[Anonymous No.22983709]

The begats.
And then schmeel begat Moses and levy, who lived to 215 qand 189. Moses begat Tim and Herbert who lived...
The fact that someone wrote this dumb shit down and a bunch of other someone's didn't edit it out is cringe af.

[Anonymous No.22983740]

Not literature

[Anonymous No.22983833]

>>22981685
The song of solomon hasn't really aged well as an erotic poem, so a lot of it seems ridiculous. Many authors indulge in fantasies about God rewarding them and punishing their enemies, which can get pretty cringe. Arguments against idolatry that amount to "why are you worshiping an inanimate object lol, a statue can't be God" are cringe because of how badly they misunderstand what they're criticizing. But after much consideration, I think the cringiest segment of all has to be the bootlicker's manifesto of Roman's 13:

>Let every person be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct but to bad. Do you wish to have no fear of the authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive its approval, 4 for it is God’s agent for your good. But if you do what is wrong, you should be afraid, for the authority[a] does not bear the sword in vain! It is the agent of God to execute wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be subject, not only because of wrath but also because of conscience. 6 For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s agents, busy with this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is due them: taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, honor to whom honor is due.
It's exactly what you'll hear from most tyrants and their supporters throughout history. "If you behave well, you have nothing to fear. We're God's agents, we can do no wrong. It's righteous to submit to us." To embrace this passage is to give up all self-respect.

[Anonymous No.22983840]

>>22983833
You are too biased, retarded monkey

[Anonymous No.22983966]

>>22981685
on its own i don't really find it cringe. reads pretty similar to its Greek source material even if it is kind of snarky. maybe its cringe how they like to satirize the "wisdom of the Greeks" but i think that's fair when you just overthrew thier occupation and are now compiling a "fuck you" to thier own Hellenizing influence.