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/lit/ - Literature

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4898163 No.4898163[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: The terrible sex had made him feel deeply interesting, like a murder victim.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: The beast, which had represented his feelings, was dead. “I think I’ll do a pushup,” he announced to the sea. The sea respected him for it.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: [4000 words from the narrator about his feelings on his childhood circumcision]

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: War is hell.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: He straightened his tie. He had lost, but in a romantic way, which meant that he had won. “I’m going to do a pushup,” he announced to his tie. His tie respected him for it, and secretly wished that it could have sex with him.

>> No.4898169

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: You wouldn’t understand.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: He swore curses at his coworkers. He was making a lot of money. Fuck.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: This neighborhood in New York City was very different from the other neighborhood in New York City he’d just been in.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette too. “I can only truly love my best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand it. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: [4000 words about an isolated encounter with a service worker that borders on racist and goes nowhere]

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: “The cocaine isn’t the point. The cocaine is a metaphor,” he explained wearily over the pile of cocaine. She folded her arms. She didn’t understand his cocaine. “Didn’t you read my manifesto?” The prostitute had read his manifesto. Why couldn’t she?

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: This lightbulb is inauthentic.

>> No.4898177

>>4898169
>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: ”It’s only the institution I have a problem with,” he explained to the empty bar.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: The time had come for him to go to war, and also find himself, and also reject the rules of your society.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: His alcoholism was different, because someday he was going to die.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: [Nothing happens for 450 pages; receives fourteen awards]

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: The vast difference in age gives the lightbulb permission to submit, I think. To give yourself over intimately to a much, much older man provides this sort of lightbulb with authority of a kind she cannot get in a sexual arrangement with a younger man.

>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>A: Let me describe my semen now.

>> No.4898178

how many female novelists does it take to matter?

none, they're busy being mediocre and irrelevant

>> No.4898181

>>4898178
>sagve
You were too mad bro.

>> No.4898222
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4898222

>tfw any time a female makes fun of men, you just remember that they've never done anything and probably never will do anything

>> No.4898225

>>4898222
>needing a coping mechanism

>> No.4898231

I don't understand..

>> No.4898255

Is this a metaphor for screwing?

>> No.4898258

>>4898231

the joke is that men are silly. it's the postcollegiate equivalent of those shirts they used to sell in novelty shops that said shit like "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" and had cute cartoon animals on them.

>> No.4898268
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4898268

I hate to be honest with you op. Female aren't bad at writing. It is just that the modern culture and obsession have turned them into zombies and in addition have rendered their opinions all based around similar ideas.

While men think openly, women gather around ideas like civil rights, feminism, and the lgbtq community as their centerfold.

All of their work resides back to some kind of abuse by men, white men, or patriarchal structures in society.

Sadly women refuse to accept their role as the reproductive sex and eventually it will be the end of human productivity or at least men. Women will be their own end. They already persecute themselves and blame it on others.

>> No.4898324

I hate to be honest with you 4898268. You're stupid and wrong.

>> No.4898328

>>4898163
>>4898169
>>4898177
I'm surprised it doesn't say White Male Novelists... the jokes in themselves are pretty telling of female writership.

>> No.4898334

>>4898258
But they are not funny?
Besides, aren't these bulb jokes supposed to be actual responds, like
'How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?'
'Just one because even the presence of a man is enough to screw everything' ?

>> No.4898343

>>4898334
why are you even here?
to participate in one of the sci-fi/fantasy threads?

>> No.4898351

>>4898343
>to participate in one of the sci-fi/fantasy threads?
No?
Am I not patrician enough for you?

>> No.4898358

>>4898324
yo-yo-you're stupid and wrong. Good appeal.

Have you ever spoken to women? If you talk to a few of them, its likely you've spoken to them all. I wish it weren't like this, but it is a sad truth. Women are targets of capitalism and they refuse to admit that capitalism that they support with all of their souls is the very institution which is oppressive.

It's a sad and unfortunate cycle

>> No.4898381

Is this an attempt at being funny? Why is it that every time a woman or a leftist tries to make a joke on the internet it's always too verbose and shitty? Like all of their image macros with over a paragraph of impact text, or reddit's responses to /pol/ images with the shit borders from bad shooping skills.

I don't even know what this thread is, though. I suppose maybe it's not an attempt to be funny at all, I just assume it is based on the format.

OP in any case, what is your weight class? This is important.

>> No.4898412

>>4898381
Because women are a hive mind anon. They support each other, even if they are wrong. It's pathetic the lengths these feminists and other leftist groups will go to in order to protect the hivemind. Media is just as guilty because it feeds the consumers what they want to hear.

Those media giants wouldn't dare oppose the mainstream ideas they thought up and promoted.

>> No.4898435

>>4898358
*tips fedora*

>> No.4898447
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4898447

>>4898412
>leftist groups will go to in order to protect the hivemind
And all Right groups are free of this? You are immature if you think otherwise.

>> No.4898456
File: 179 KB, 450x467, 1363124043993.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4898456

>Q: How many good female authors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: We'll never know

>> No.4898467
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4898467

>female novelists


behold, a better joke than all of OP's efforts combined

>> No.4898471

>>4898163
ewww, gender. It's the weird concept that people without vows of celibacy have to deal with.

>> No.4898475

>>4898435
Wow I like how even though the fedora meme has transcended atheism it's still employed exclusively by morons with no rebuttal

Inb4 posturing

>> No.4898478

>>4898467
It's not even a joke, it's just tragic.

>> No.4898484

>>4898478
a fine balance between tragedy and comedy is essential

>> No.4898498

>>4898471
Celibate fag reporting in.

>> No.4898501

>>4898471
This.

>> No.4898520

I'd like to think a group of feminists are monitoring this thread from reddit or tumblr

>> No.4898528

>>4898447
The right is so fractured that its disgusting. Our wells are poisoned by religious dogma and corporations buying out the right leaning parties.

>> No.4898548

>>4898528
>trying to talk about the right
>starts rambling off about classical liberal

There aren't really any mainstream hard right groups right now in America at least, which is where I'm assuming your from. The closest we have are the democrats, which are center-right.

>> No.4898564

>>4898548
Well that is the problem. There are the capitalist who infiltrate both the democrats and republicans, a small minority of hard rightist that are ignored entirely, and the religious right which garners way to much public attention.

People are so obsessed with the notion that the right, homophobia, etc are all these deep rooted religious rightist beliefs. They aren't.

>> No.4898566

>>4898528
And racists, and anti-semites, and fascists. But if it makes you feel any better the left is twice as fractured.

>> No.4898579

>>4898447
Not the person you're responding to but...

No of course not. Both sides are, in my approximation, equally guilty of this tendency.

Also, we're ignoring a key point as to the "funniness" of these rather insipid jokes:

Humor, like all forms of artistic expression, loses its capacity to truly be effective when used to transmit an ideological point.

This maxim is, as far as I can tell, true in all regards:

>Humor (see: this thread, feminist comedians, political partisan comedians, etc)

>Music (see: Christian rock)

>Literature (see: Ayn Rand, most of Upton Sinclair)

>Film (see: propaganda (Triumph of the Will seems to be an exception, but since it is considered "great" in terms of technical innovation and not content-based technique, the rule still stands))

>"Fine Arts" (see: name one great/famous painting, sculpture, etc. with an explicit (ie: not a painting dealing with "the horrors of war") moral/ideological leaning. I dont believe you can.)

>> No.4898586

>What's up with "literary fiction," you know what I'm saying hue hue. Why do serious literary novels always have to have affairs in them? It's like the capital "L" literary equivalent of dragons in fantasy fiction. - Jerry Seinfeld

Enough with affairs, god dammit. It's so fucking cliched, and I'm pretty sure they're not as common as writers would have you believe. There's always a fucking affair, described in some way that makes it seem significant or spiritual or cataclysmic or something

Then there's the whole reflection on a formative, supreme, transcendent childhood experience.

Modern "literary" fiction is just as much a cliched genre as detective fiction.

>> No.4898587
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4898587

>>4898334
> But they are not funny?
Of course they are not funny to you, they ridicule you and your taste in literature.

You know the joke in which all female lit is labeled as vapid/mediocre gossip/sex/feelgood crap? This is one where the roles are reversed and perhaps that is the moral of the comedy: cheap and senseless jokes aren't very funny.

>> No.4898589

>>4898586
.and I'm pretty sure they're more common

is what I should have said. Fuck

>> No.4898636

>>4898586
because

literary fiction = bourgeois
genre fiction = proletariat

>> No.4898643

Are there such things as Androgyns?

>> No.4898663

>>4898566
Hardly. You have the white guilters who deserve it, those who don't and women/minorities.

The democrats and generally left perspective is large opposing partities that are mostly bipartisan while the right suffers capitalist and the religious types who get all of the spot light.

>> No.4898668
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4898668

>identifying with chromosomes and delusions

>> No.4898679

>>4898668
Can you not?

>> No.4898689

proof that women aren't funny

>> No.4898691

>>4898668
>Ignoring your permanent atomic,genetic, and hormonal state.

Stay pleb. Go jack off to John Locke or something.

>> No.4898694

>Q: How many female novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>A: [200 books about having sex with dinosaurs]

>> No.4898708

best thread on lit but obviously too transgressive within the social context to be recognised as such

>> No.4898709

>>4898587
there are funny jokes in this very thread that make fun of women and women literature

and it would be possible to make funny jokes about mens literature as well

the stuff in OP was simply made by a feminist zealot. it's unfunny because it's long, repetitive and preachy, not because it's impossible to make funny gender jokes.

you are simply an idiot, as are all politically minded people.

>> No.4898730

>>4898708
>transgressive
>dad jokes

How can you transgress on something dead?

>> No.4898738

>>4898730
>How can you transgress on something dead?
i don't think you're saying what you think you're saying

>> No.4898746

>>4898738
So explain what isn't known. Go ahead.

>> No.4898752

>>4898181
>being that new

>> No.4898757

>>4898746
>So explain what isn't known. Go ahead.
well,

it depends on what you consider dead

>> No.4898778

>>4898757
You've never successfully defended a single idea in your life have you?

>woman detected

>> No.4898806

>>4898579
>(see: name one great/famous painting, sculpture, etc. with an explicit (ie: not a painting dealing with "the horrors of war")

Bonjour Monsieur Courbet
The Stonebreakers

to name two, from the same artist

Also,from literature, just because I'm reading it atm, Prometheus Unbound

>> No.4898825

>>4898691
Yeah; and why would I take ownership of something such as one configuration of this material vessel?

>> No.4898844
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4898844

>>4898163
>>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>>A: He straightened his tie. He had lost, but in a romantic way, which meant that he had won. “I’m going to do a pushup,” he announced to his tie. His tie respected him for it, and secretly wished that it could have sex with him.
>>4898169
>>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>>A: This lightbulb is inauthentic.

>> No.4898949

>>4898587
Are they?
Even then, why would they use this 'bulb' structure, it makes no sense

>> No.4898953

>>4898163
>>4898169
>>4898177

>reading novels

Joke's on you, cunt.

>> No.4898966

>>4898636
>garcia marquez is widely read among latin american plebs
>only rich kids read ASOIAF
>believing this stupid divide
tippest of lyls

>> No.4898969

>>4898163
>>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>>A: He straightened his tie. He had lost, but in a romantic way, which meant that he had won. “I’m going to do a pushup,” he announced to his tie. His tie respected him for it, and secretly wished that it could have sex with him.
>>4898169
>>Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>>A: He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette too. “I can only truly love my best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand it. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.
I found these hilarious. I wouldn't mind reading a novel like this.

>> No.4899158

>>4898806

>Explicit

I will not argue that the 3 examples you gave have a social message, however in my view it is implicit in each, and not an overt, direct reference to a specific problem.

IE = All Quiet On the Western Front vs. Triumph of the Will
or
Prometheus Unbound vs. Atlas Shrugged

>> No.4899176

>>4898579
I laughed at these, but I was imagining a feminist thinking these were funny or subversive, and that tickled me in a transgressive way.

>> No.4899198

I am mildly irked by your attack on a group that I belong to.

>> No.4899385

>>4898709
>and it would be possible to make funny jokes about mens literature as well

I have yet to see one, OK /lit/ can you succeed were the women fail and make a funny joke about male writes?

>> No.4899398

>>4899176
Are you sure it wasn't in a transsexual way?