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/lit/ - Literature

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File: 1.37 MB, 1237x702, Orbbelgguren Series Book VII Qu'ellar B'Nossta by Stephen Chistiansen.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041045 No.5041045 [Reply] [Original]

>self publishing

>> No.5041050 [DELETED] 

>>5041045
>sage

>> No.5041060

>>5041045
>not publising with British English.

>> No.5041067
File: 1.48 MB, 1280x720, all is lost.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041067

>dark elf
>Her leather bikini bottom was more for modesty than for protection.

>> No.5041086

>>5041050
>global rule 7

>> No.5041149
File: 32 KB, 351x500, ss (2014-06-20 at 12.11.33).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041149

>>5041045
pic related you in a few months

>> No.5041159

>>5041060
this.

I actually live in the Patagonian desert and only speak Spanish, yet I make sure to always you British English when I write.

>> No.5041160 [DELETED] 

>>5041086
>Nobody gives a fuck about moots faggot rules you retarded nigger I've been banned like 40 times this year with no breaks in posting

>> No.5041284

>>5041067
>she didn't like the feel of long pants, they often over heated her thighs and gave her heat pattern away

>> No.5041287

>>5041045
>leather boots
>leather bikini bottom
>leather corset
>lol don't hit on me silly boys
>im not a slut

>> No.5041297

>>5041045
>Orbbelgguren Series Book VIII Qu'ellar B'Nossta

What possesses someone to name their books with these words?

>> No.5041325

>>5041159
>>5041060
The United States has a larger reading audience.

More books are sold that are written in American English.

Ernest Hemingway didn't need to throw in a bunch of extraneous u's and e's to make the island people happy.

Also this is shit for so many reasons. I don't even think you're trolling because you wrote so much of it. I'm so sorry for you.

>> No.5041359
File: 28 KB, 512x384, 1389839771939.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041359

>>5041060
>>5041159
>tfw I'm American and I don't even know the differences between the two

>> No.5041365

>>5041359
British words are less valuable than Freedom words and so they have to add Us and Zs to make their scrabble scores higher

>> No.5041379

>>5041359
>born
>bourne

>gray
>grey

>tire
>tyre

>math
>maths

>pants
>trousers

>faucet
>tap

>realize
>realise

>center
>centre

>> No.5041392

Somebody post the one with the motorcycle with a vagina in it.

>> No.5041393

>>5041297
Global Aphasia, probably from a stroke brought on by picturing a buxom elf dressed entirely in leather.

>> No.5041399

>>5041365
we don't add Zs we take them away. You have words like 'civilization' whereas we have 'civilisation'

>> No.5041402

>>5041379
Oh? It's just spellings? I knew that much, I thought there were actual grammar differences.

>> No.5041418
File: 112 KB, 322x393, u r 1 cheeky cunt m8.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041418

>>5041045
>she was less concerned about armor than she was about being able to move quickly, quietly, and unseen

because corsets don't hinder your movement at all, right?

>> No.5041422
File: 137 KB, 811x480, britbong.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041422

>>5041402
They also use different nouns.

>> No.5041986
File: 2.17 MB, 340x300, jewish american princess.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041986

>Her least used... was her dagger.
>It wasn't a powerful weapon and was only useful if her prety got too close.
>That would mean she had gotten too sloppy.

>> No.5041997
File: 265 KB, 815x409, my_smile_is_gone_for_good.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5041997

>Medri Jabbress Olis’inth, a female dark elf necromancer, finds herself ensnared in a web of intrigue and conspiracies. In her journey through the underworld she uncovers more and more of a grand plot while discovering more about herself and where she fits in with her new life. Yasrae Do’tlar retains the blasphemous secret of his house. His only hope in keeping his house and his life alive is in the trust of a battle captive. Valas Velkyn, leader of the House of acquisitions from the city of Malzebowan, has found that one of his most trusted contacts has been assassinated. His investigation leads to a discovery of grand propotions, the likes of which can only lead to war. Enter a world of plots, lies, deception, and murder. This book launches the epic adventures of the Orbbelgguren series.

>> No.5042001

>>5041379

>bourne

You're pretty dumb.

>> No.5042013

>>5041379
>jail
>gaol
I ain't even making this shit up. Silly Brits.

>> No.5042031

There are so many hilarious things in the first paragraph that it's close to brilliant.

>> No.5042051

>>5042031
it could very easily be mistaken for something sexual.

>eased her body slightly around the corner of her connecting tunnel

yeah, baby, ease your tunnel against my body

>> No.5042441

>>5041045
Half this shit is just info dumping.

When do we get to the mind-breaking dark elf sex scenes?

>> No.5042464
File: 21 KB, 451x219, when i write about elves in thongs i think of my baby daughter.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042464

>>5042441
Who wants to shell out the dosh to buy all nine books at five bucks a pop?

>> No.5042484
File: 61 KB, 493x884, fgsfds.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042484

Challenge: down four shots and then record a vocaloid of yourself reading these names

>> No.5042492

>>5042484
who the fuck why?

>> No.5042506
File: 192 KB, 1031x884, fgsfds.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042506

>quails tipped with poison

>> No.5042507

>>5042464
>Not yet rated
Didn't know books got ratings, ESRB must be expanding.
>Contains language, sex, adult situations, drug use, and violence
>Dedicated to my daughter
>She has often helped me
Oh boy.

>> No.5042514
File: 183 KB, 1032x884, fgsfds.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042514

>Matron Mother

>> No.5042522
File: 143 KB, 1028x884, fgsfds.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042522

>> No.5042545

>>5041045
What is this shit? Don't these heathens even have the fucking brain cells to know dark elves are for tender loving and single syllable sexual descriptions?

>> No.5042691
File: 70 KB, 466x176, right.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042691

>>5042464
>rating a book
>dedicating your book with violent drug-fueled sex to your daughter
>Ruth is a pretty good name for a girl, though

>> No.5042710

>>5042691
>Literally the first sentence of the first section you see of the book has a typo
Obviousforeshadowing.jpg

>> No.5042715
File: 2.61 MB, 1293x1280, Jardan's Shadow by Rose Lannen.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5042715

>>5042710
It happens often in self published manuscripts.

>> No.5042859

>>5041422
I lost my shit at slippery dippery long mover and I don't think I'll ever find it.

>> No.5042867

Why is all this fantasy?

>> No.5042895

>>5042867
Because fantasy is interesting to write and think anoit
I also want to write it but the over saturation and competition are too diwcouraging, and the number of people who don't take it seriously

>> No.5043007

>this thread again with almost no new content

>> No.5043103

>>5041297
I do it as a joke.
Sad bit is, it's probably pronounceable to someone, because I just pull out an english to yiddish dictionary and describe whatever I want to name.

>> No.5043106

>>5041287
It's dark elf culture. They all dress that way, even the fat ones.
And the male ones.
And the old ones.
And don't get me started on the tentacle whips.

>> No.5043114

>>5042514
It's a thing in Dungeons and Dragons, which this is ripping off wholesale.

>> No.5043115

>>5042715
As someone who self published his shit, I paid for a fucking editor. Haven't and probably won't ever make my money back, but that shit should be mandatory.
They even got mentioned in the dedication: Thank you editor, for making my book less shit.

>> No.5043122

>>5043007
>discuss a different novel once a week
>no new content

Do you go around posting this same comment in all the 'existential crisis' and 'how high is David Wong right now?' and 'Plato's Republic' and 'Harry Potter muh childhood' and 'critique your work' and 'post your bookshelves' threads, or do you just get buttmad over self publishing threads?

>> No.5043157

>>5043122
Wait, is David Wong liked here? I assumed /lit/ would hate him because of the low brow sense of humor.

>> No.5044354

>>5042506
>Her dark elf skin turned hue with anger
Hue is not a hue. That's like saying "my skin turned color with anger."
>paragraph long description of her clothes
>paragraph long description of throne room

This is just tedious.

>> No.5044396

>>5043115
Oh really?
What's it called?

>> No.5044456

>>5043157
I doubt he's liked. Most people here loathe Cracked and any of the writers it spawned.

I thought his first book was decent. The second sucked though.

>> No.5044878

>>5041379
Has anyone ever written anything that switches between British English and American?

Because I'd find it hilarious to read. 'Realize' being used in one sentence, then 'realise' used in the next. Or when talking about color, regularly switch between 'color' and 'colour.'

>> No.5046189

>>5044354
I think he's trying to say "changed hue" in a poetic way but being really bad about it

>> No.5046259
File: 13 KB, 251x189, 1390632545434.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
5046259

>>5042715
>>5042691
>>5042522
>>5042514
>>5042506
>>5042484
>>5042464
>tfw people beat the shit out of Eragon for any number of reasons
>tfw by normal self publishing standards it's basically better than Lord Of The Rings
>tfw how much worse it could have been.
Credit where it's do to Paolini. Even if an editor did clean it up in a second printing, the original self-published version was goddamn impressive for a self-publisher.

>> No.5046273

>>5041379
Canadian words are similar. Just not as stupid.

>> No.5046317

>>5044878
that would be pretty daft, and I don't imagine why anyone would do it

>>5046259
when people read a book I think it's expected not to have any spelling errors. That's not particularly impressive, even by self publishing standards.

>> No.5046422

>>5046259
>self
>publishing
>standards

>> No.5046525

Forget self-published works. You want the worst of the worst, go to /r/writing's weekly critique thread or /r/writingprompts to see what the average redditor thinks is an acceptable level of quality.

You will find such stunners as:

>The vacuum left by where the train was fifteen heartbeats ago created a light breeze that smelled of electricity.

and

>The events that were to transpire that day came suddenly, without warning, and without impedance.

and

>Of course, my mirth took root when I was known and revered across the world and my own exploits well known in every royal palace and inn back room alike.

and

>Robertson turned to his superior. Neither of them could believe it, but it was there, just as the scans had said. "I can't believe it," said Robertson's superior, looking up at the night sky.

and

>"I got a little tipsy after she left! I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to be like this! I just-just didn't realize! I was mad that she left me! How COULD she leave me! She just left me like that! I was so mad! And so drunk!"

>> No.5046607

I bet I could write something better and prettier-looking in half an hour :^)

>> No.5046662

>>5046525
>Neither of them could believe it
>"I can't believe it," said Robertson's superior