/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.5246253]

Today, I noticed « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » always opens push doors with a closed fist. I asked him why in passing, he was immediately ready with the following enumerated list which he counted on his fingers:

"1 - it hardens my knuckle bones to make my punches more devastating; 2 - it prevents me from leaving my fingerprints on the door; and 3 - it collects germs on my knuckles which will cause infections in the people I punch who aren't immediately incapacitated, like a kimodo dragon."

[Anonymous No.5246263]

10/10

[Anonymous No.5246265]

I saw « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » a grocery store in New York yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Anonymous No.5246417]

Witnesses report that while « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » was visiting the memorial with her boyfriend, « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » asked the crowd gathering nearby what they thought of her posts. Allegedly, everyone in the crowd had blocked her, because they felt uncomfortable going to the same board where this horrific accident took place. Astonished and seemingly upset by this, « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » forced the entire crowed into /lit/ and made them reply to her posts. After a heated argument with the staff, « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » was finally able to convince the mods to let her and the crowd recreate the same threads that had gotten her banned. One person described « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ »'s behavior while reading the threads as, "erratic and horrifying. She [« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ »] would laugh and scream out to the crowd 'That's me! That's me!' whenever there was a post mentioning her."

[Anonymous No.5246421]

fuk dat dykeasshoe

[ƷӜ̵̨̄Ƹ̵̡ No.5246444]

>>5246263
lel look at me guys

[Anonymous No.5246465]

Then « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » put down the Xbox controller and looked deeply into me eyes and leaned in close, the glow of the pause screen reflecting off of her eyes. "I want you," she whispered, "I want you to have sex with me."
I was excited, but not surprised; what movie starlet wouldn't want to have sex with an honor student/purple belt in karate like me? Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ took me hand and led me to the bedroom, but not before grabbing a Capri-sun from the refrigerator for late.
"I've always wanted you," said « Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » as she lay down on my unmade bed. And then the sex began, I put me hand on her leg and she slowly touched my wiener. It. Were. Amazing.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ and I took ours clothes off and kissed naked for a really long time; our tongues were inside each other's. I could see all of her boobs and her whole butt. A boy never forgets his first rager.
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ then asked me to put me penis inside her. After a minute of uncontrollable giggling, I obliged and after two minutes of glorious, sweaty lovermaking I screamed
"Butterfly!" and finally became a man.

[Feminister is a pederast No.5246490]

>>5246265
holy shit i know that pasta from rose threads back in the day. where is it from?

[Anonymous No.5246499]

>>5246265
12/10

[Anonymous No.5246502]

>>5246490
Dunno mate. Pretty sure it pre-dates rose though. Generic celebrity pasta at this point.

[Anonymous No.5246526]

>>5246502
>>5246490

This. It's just a generic celebrity pasta.

[Anonymous No.5246532]

>>5246490
>>5246502
>>5246526
It's FlyLo

[Anonymous No.5246560]

>>5246490
It started in /mu/ as a Flying Lotus pasta

[Anonymous No.5247273]

>>5246532
flying lotus

[Anonymous No.5247343]

I was watching a baseball game on TV with him at my house. And you know what he said to me? "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." I asked him what the fuck ur prob m8. He replied, "All of the Mets’ road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium." GTFO my hau5 u fukkin wanker I said. Fuck ur mum u fagot!

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » No.5247397]

>>5247343
You watch baseball much in the UK? Or is this just poseur lingo you've picked up?