/lit/ - Literature

>>1256526
or, what i used to do was just write short stories for fun. look for contests to keep you motivated.

i used to enter whatever contests i could find, because if i won it would give me reassurance that i could become an author if i so chose


idunno that actually forced me to complete 3 short stories

no advice, but same here

or ill write and be like this is complete garbage, and stop
if you are like me and get distracted video games, just try to force yourself into realizing video games leave you with nothing, whereas writing leaves you with a sense of accomplishment. set a goal, IMO

i should be setting goals, but i'm just loosely writing. i wanna become a fiction author someday.


i wonder how hard that is, anyway...

ITT: We post our fiction-related blogspots.

I need followers to critique me harshly, and want to follow others/will add critiques back.


I'll start


TheFormOfSpace.blogspot.com

>>1252210
i read it a long time ago

shit was so cash

i forget what compelled me to read it...

>>1242903
I used to think i was talented, i really liked writing descriptive passages, but somewhere along the line i just completely stopped

i've never written this style before, it feels lazier. i doubt it's terrible though, that seems a bit harsh

also the story is not terrible, it will kick ass. it's all in my mind, ready to go. my only problem now is finding a way to make it work without seeming too

>>1242891
shiiii dont know about that opening. i'll have to figure something out


nevermind how unrealistic hiding under the table seems irl, is that a decent intro? i mean i was going for something a little off the wall because the story isn't meant to be entirely serious

On the offset anyone from yesterday comes back


FIRST: changed chars names to nate, scott, ellie. Nate's the only main character from this scene.


SECOND: what if it opened with a dialogue between nate and scott (alex/joe). my hope would be that it's a more natural opening. i know i shouldn't be afraid to kill passages I think i like a lot if they dont work well, but i think the tone fits the way i'm trying to model the book around

so basically they start talking, order food, then ellie (jessica) walks in and things pan out more-or-less the same way, with a few tweaks here and there, and a great attempt to spread it out. after re-reading, i realize how much went down in less than 2 pages. def the biggest thing i gotta work with

>>1241114
didnt want to make it entirely too obvious...guess i should have used a more well known song

kind of quoted carolina liar, but did it so discretely very few would recognize...if it's too obvious i thought it would lose it's value

maybe ill change it around lol

>>1240832
ya that's always been a bad habit of mine :-/

>>1240826
and ty ill figure a way to do it


i'm sure the story will be mildly interesting, it's something ive been thinking about for a long time :D

i just need to stop playing hon and write for a few hours a day

>>1240789
I dig, i dig

well i was trying to for chaotic but not necessarily hurried

in your opinion, you would scrap this entirely and start over?

>>1240746
that's more constructive :)

yes, it's supposed to be the start


the story is nothing about the chick or anything, just trying to set the tone with that intro scene

too much dialogue or not enough going on?

>>1240720
to be expected...4chan is all about immediate gratification imo. i dont like reading paragraphs at all. but maybe you'd think differently if you pretended you werent reading something on 4chan?

>>1240717
and ya idunno bout the bad language.

is it too much? that's pretty much how me and most of my friends talk so it doesnt sound out of place to me, but im pretty sure it's over the top

>>1240719
roger that!!!

ya names have no thought ATM

ty for your opinion. still reworking it, ill stop writing and revise, looking objectively at the dialogue

oh man im excited to start writing again!!!!

that's it for now. pretty much in phase 1 of writing it.

hopefully someone will at least thumb through it?

>>1240714
“Well, I guess that problem kind of solved itself then. I didn’t want to work there; it was just something I could do for money until I got the job at Merrill Lynch. I was hoping to God that I’d be able to quit after two weeks, before I had to do any real work besides training. I wanted them to say ‘he came, ate all the peppermint patties from the break room, and took home a pay check without adding any worth to the company.’”
“It was almost funny how it went down. Four days of busting my ass, and she asks for my key. Says it was the last key they had and needed to make a spare, since everyone else had key cards. Then I get home and get a call from the temp office telling me not to show up to work. All this on a Sunday evening. I mean, they had the whole weekend to do it. They had Friday afternoon to do it,” he paused to gulp down the last of his water. “But instead, I get a call from the temp agency, and not even the courtesy of saying it to my face. So I call my bitch supervisor, and demand what the hell I fucked up so bad that she didn’t want me to come back in after 4 days. We get in a little argument and she ends up calling me ‘dangerously under qualified and grossly incompetent.’ It’s fucking invoice data entry. A monkey could do it. How could anyone ever be so unqualified as to make data entry dangerous?”
They sat in silence as the waiter arrived with the bill.

>>1240712
“You are an asshole. You don’t even care about me.”
“But, I love you…” he assured her habitually. He had long since learned the hard way that telling the truth in times like these would only bring more grief to himself later on, after she had cooled off.
“Enough of your bullshit. I could do so much better than you. I hope you fucking rot, and I’m glad you got fired. No girl will want you.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Yes, you are.” She said, and she got up and stormed away. He was almost certain she was waiting for him to follow her. He remained seated for a full ten minutes, after which Jessica would usually come storming back, more of a mess than when she had left, and demand why he had given up so easily.
Rather, Joe came back into the restaurant. It was a welcomed sight, but at the same time, it felt surreal to Alexander. “What’d she say to you?” he asked Joe.
He sat down, emitting a short grunt, “Told me how much of an asshole you are, and how you’re messed up in the head and need to grow up.” He picked a few fries off of Alexander’s plate. “Then she drove off,” he added.
The carrot cake no longer looked appetizing to Alexander. The fight, while reasonably enjoyable, had left him with the usual aftermath—a lowered ego, and a bitch of a headache. He crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on his forearms.
“Come on, man. All you’ve done is complain about her for, like, over a year almost. I’ve never seen a girlfriend treat anyone the way she treated you, ever.”
“It’s not that…” Alexander muttered. “Daaamnit. She’s half right. I pretty much am a loser. I could give a shit about her leaving me, but not one thing in my goddamn life is going right, right now. I couldn’t even hold that job for a full week. ”
“Hey, I messed up my first job too. Real jobs are different than being a cashier or whatever it was you did at Raleys.”

>>1240709
“Over?” he echoed. His heart fell short, and he could feel his lungs sting as each syllable of the long word ‘over’ escaped them. In recent times, their two-year relationship had fallen into a trench, and it seemed that neither enjoyed the other’s company. The fights were so frequent, in fact, that Alexander had come up with ways to make them fun. He would take lyrics from songs and try to use them in his arguments without her noticing, or say the corniest cliché that came to mind, or be as melodramatic as possible. As he came up with more ‘games’, he had noticed that the frequency of fights had increased almost exponentially. So much so, that he had began to wonder if he had started to view his one-sided humor as a form of entertainment.
“But I’m not over you just yet…” he said softly, without adding any sort of solid evidence to back up his claim. In truth, he was entirely over the relationship as a whole, and had been for quite some time. But he absolutely despised the arguments that led to ‘breakups’. To him, they were nothing more than excuses Jessica would use to keep him on the phone until 2 AM. It was for this reason he had avoided her, and rejected her every phone call.
“I mean it. You don’t even take us seriously,” she choked out, as her anger abruptly turned to tears, “I know you aren’t happy with us, and I love you so much more than you love me. It hurts too much.”
“There, there.” He said, as he placed his hand on her face, wiping a tear away with his thumb, a phrase he had mirrored word for word in nearly every fight in the past four months. He liked it because, to him, it was one of the cheesiest things he could come up with to console her. She tugged her head away in frustration, and he wiped his hand on his pants.

>>1240708
Bet she thought that was real fucking clever, he thought. Why the hell did I come here anyways? Joe! I never should have let him talk me into coming here. I can’t afford this shit. This was a big mistake.
“Seriously, knock it off and say something. It’s not cute. Act like a man, even though we both know you aren’t one.”
Reluctantly, he crawled out from under the table and slid back into his seat, where his burger lay half eaten. Her eyes glared at him, burning his psyche, and he nearly retreated back into his sanctuary.
“What the fuck is your problem?” She demanded. She stared at him in fierce silence—something she loved to do—and waited for the answer he never had. Spying the opportunity to visit the table before the conversation got too heated, the waiter brought over the slice of carrot cake Alexander had ordered, and customarily asked if there were anything else the couple needed. Alexander stared at the carrot cake, which had cost him $3.79, as Jessica continued.
“Really. Why the fuck didn’t you return any of my calls, or emails. It’s been over a week. It’s fucking ridiculous.”
He paused for several moments, trying to look as thoughtful as possible, before beginning to explain, “I’ve just been really stressed with everythi-”
“I don’t fucking care, you should never ignore my phone calls, you promised you would stop doing that. I’ve had it, really, I’m just…”
“Insensitive?” he asked, leering humorously.
Her eyes burned fiercely, sending a silent tremor through his body. “I’m just so over this. I’ve been wanting to get a hold of you ever since you were fired,” she continued, with a marginally calmer tone, “I want us to be over.”

Alexander peered from under the booth towards the door, watching the woman he had just seen enter the restaurant. He was on all fours, and crawled back towards the wall. “Fuck,” he said, shrinking into a fetal position, “please tell me she doesn’t know I’m here.” He watched in dismay as her naked, slender legs strode briskly towards the table.
“I don’t know, man. It’s not looking too good.” Joe looked up at Jessica as she neared the booth. “Howdy, Jessica. Here for some grub?”
“I know he’s under there. Amy texted me she saw you two sitting here,” she motioned towards the lounge, where Amy was seated with her boyfriend. They pretended not to notice. “And with all the commotion you made getting under the table,” she said loudly, “you’d think you wanted me to find you.” She kicked her Roxy boots blindly under the table, narrowly missing Alexander’s ribcage. “Joe…leave us.”
“He’s all yours,” he said, abdicating his seat. Alexander sat in a sordid daze, realizing the relief he had felt hiding had been ephemeral and naively positive.
“Get up. You’re like a child.” She placed her hands on her knees, craning her neck to peer into his bastion of shame. “Only, kids have dignity,” she added.

Bored? Please, tell me if this is an interesting introduction at all. And, is the main character believable, or is he just a bitch?

If i get enough interest I'll explain where I'm going with it <3 thanks /lit/

your critiques make me keep writing

>>1233895
I like this, but the word brung seems out of place

>>1233863
well it's supposed to be entirely over the top, but i havent really gotten too far into developing chars. just that part...its just something ive played in my mind, he is supposed to be very childish though
does the plot sound at all original or interesting though? that's all i care about mainly...im pretty rusty with my language sadly, but if even one person thinks its interesting it will encourage me to try to improve my writing

>>1233854
so anyways the premise of the mockumentary is about love triumphing no matter how bad things get, seeing as his parents were married and homeless.

along the way basically, the whole thing breaks down as a humorous tragedy...his brother gets hooked on drugs and wastes away on the trip since they encounter so many homeless drug addicts and eventually he starts buying drugs off them, the third party is really chill at first but when the trip gets to be the most shitfilled it gets, he comes onto the main character who feels betrayed and is also a homophobe

also another aspect is that what they claim to be a story about love triumphing turns into exploitation of homeless people...they go from town to town asking all the bums about their parents and basically trying to track them down, but since there are so few leads on it they just give the homeless people scripts, even going so far as to impersonate bums since it turns out homeless arent good actors


also, for added depth/because the main character is running from his shitty life at home, i may add SLIIIGHT oepidal references into it but not so much that it's pretentious